August 29
Draco,
God, you bloody little child! If you don't stop writing, I'll have to…hum. I just thought … I have a way as for you and I to meet up before school, as Dumbledore has decided to start term on the 15th. I do hope you got the letter like the other children…*thinks* so glad I wasn't one…
Anyway, as your father may have already told you, I have been having an affair with, well, both of your bloody foolish parents. Each thinking the other doesn't know about yours truly.
Though both oblivious of each other, each enjoy my "company". Thus, I could…visit, and leave a little…later than they think I left.
Oh, and, my dear Draco, if you do not cease to write me, I will be forced to punish you most painfully. And you must trust me when I tell you; pure blood will be spilt at this- this... inconvenience at my end of the owl. By the way, my owl has been flying at a sort of… angle … and if I found out you raped it, you'll be worse off then before. I promise you with all my up most being.
Anyways, STOP WRITING ME YOU BLOODY GIRL---I--- I mean boy. You write again, suffer my…unpleasantness. Bloody--! Most of my ink was put at a waist making that word bold! That's the worst! Having all your ink gone by one bloody bold word! Ugh! Must be off, all my ink will be gone in a matter of words.
-- Severus Houseman Snape