September 3
Dearest Professor Snape,
Yes, sir, I did receive the letter stating our term would start later than the previous years, does that mean I miss a whole 15 days out of the year without you? GODDAMMIT! That old bat Dumbledore screwed up my system. I stopped masturbating just so I would release more into you on the first. But no, my little men had been inside me so long that now they're swimming around in my large comfortable bed! I had the most pleasant dream though, it was you and… nevermind that.
Oh and about your owl, most apologies. The… dog must have gotten to him. Yes, old Bob the dog, he doesn't know how to control himself. Last week he impregnated the goldfish and she gave birth this morning. They are so ugly I can't even describe it.
Oh, and about that punishment... I just hope that it doesn't interfere with my little men, they're quite precious to me, and that's why you can understand my fit over the…bed incident. Usually at this point I would say "lets never speak of it again" but I find it a nice silence breaker. Much more interesting than listening to crickets in my opinion. But than again, I think crickets are--- nevermind. I'll have to tell you later.
And I understand about the whole ink thing. That must have sucked…and I know another thing that sucks, but once again professor, I'll have to tell you that in person, in case the letters are being intercepted. I don't want to tell anything too personal, if you know what I mean, professor. I don't want any blackmail back at Hogwarts. You know I'll just end up writing another song about Weasley and the other reason why he's the ENTIRE Slytherin house's king. Okay, okay professor. Don't want to give out too much information now. Your so tricky to talk to, you know that? You get anything out of me. One more reason I'm quiet during our… time… together.
Sorry, must go now. Father is coming. He can't see me writing. I'll see YOU soon… hopefully.
Yours Truly,
Draco Millhouse Malfoy