Abby packed her clothes neatly into a small suitcase, whilst rocking
Nathalie, and smiled at Carter, who was getting ready to go to the ER.
"So you'll be back at 2?" Abby asked again.
"I promise," Carter smiled and nodded. Why was she so worried about visiting her own mother alone?
"I don't see why you have to go in today," Abby frowned. She couldn't risk him getting caught by a trauma or something, she needed him home and with her all the way.
"Come on, baby. Smile," Carter kissed her as her fumbled with his tie. "I need to go in to sort out my leave. We can't just go AWOL, Weaver would go mental." Abby smiled at the thought of her and Carter escaping from the ER together and Weaver chasing after them.
"See, there's that beautiful smile," Carter grinned. Abby raised her eyebrows and tried hard to wipe the smile from her face just to prove him wrong. "I'll be home at 2, promise." He kissed her and Nathalie quickly before grabbing his case and leaving.
"Bye," he called from the hall. "Love you," The door slammed shut.
"Love you, too," Abby whispered to herself. He was already gone.
* * *
Eric found her in the living room, playing with Nathalie.
"Good morning," he greeted. Abby looked up and smiled.
"Good morning, sleep ok?"
"Yeah, great thanks. Where's Carter?" He asked.
"Work," Abby replied. "He'll be back at 2, though, and then we'll leave." She told him this, although it was more for self-assurance. Carter would be back at 2. Everything would be ok.
* * *
Abby had Nathalie all dressed and had packed all her things. She sat by the door, on her suitcase, waiting. Why did she feel so anxious?
"Hey, Abby. What are you doing sitting out here?" Eric came by.
"He'll be back soon," she replied, not taking her eyes off the clock above the door. Five to 2. There's nothing wrong with being early, why couldn't he come back now? Four to 2. Come on come on. Four to 2 and thirty seconds. Oh for god's sake. Nathalie whimpered slightly and Abby realised that in her anticipation, she had hugged her baby daughter to her so tightly that she began to fret. "Sorry, sorry honey," she whispered and rocked her gently. She watched the door with eyes that stared so hard they must've burnt holes through the wood. Where was he? There were footsteps, up to the door. There was the jingle of keys. Abby held her breath. This was ridiculous, but she wanted him back more than ever. There was the rattle as the key tried to find the lock. A click. Turn the key. Another click. The door swung open on reluctant hinges. Abby leapt up and flung herself into his arms.
"Hey, hey," Carter smiled. "What's all this? What's happened?" Abby drew back from him and looked a bit embarrassed for not having a proper reason.
"I thought maybe you weren't coming back," she replied, shyly. "I really need you with me right now." Carter's smiled dropped from his face.
"Oh, Abby," he sighed and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"What?" she asked suddenly worried. "'Oh Abby'- what?" Carter chewed on his bottom lip.
"I can't go." Carter told her, finally. Abby laughed, nervously.
"You can't go where?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.
"I can't go with you on this. Weaver can't spare me," he shook his head sadly.
"But - but I can't spare you, either," she said, helplessly. "What are we going to do?"
"You go, honey. Take Nathalie, too, she needs you," Carter told her.
"But I need you," Abby protested. "I need you, John."
"Honey, it's not about me, it's between you and you're mother." He tried to reason.
"I need you there. You said wherever I wanted you, you'd be there," Abby begged him.
"Baby, I would go. I'd do anything for you, but I can't. There's nothing I can do about it," Carter apologised. Abby fell into his arms again.
"I don't want to go without you," she whispered to his tie. Carter stroked her head and took baby Nathalie out of her arms.
"Be strong, honey. You'll be fine." Carter assured her. She looked up at him.
"I'll miss you," she told him. He smiled.
"I'll miss you too," he replied. "I'll call you everyday, I promise." He kissed her, softly as Eric came by.
"Hey, Carter, you ready to go?" Eric asked. Carter shook his head.
"Sorry, Eric, I can't go." Carter replied. "But take good care of Abby and Nathalie." He kissed Nathalie on the forehead and placed her in her baby carrier. He took Abby's forlorn looking face in his hands and looked at her for a while. Then he brought it towards him and kissed her. It had to be long, it had to be special. It had to last them both the whole time they were kept apart. When they finally broke apart, Carter looked straight into Abby's eyes and smiled, slightly. Abby stuck her chin up and took a deep breath.
"Ok, let's go," she told Eric, not taking her eyes off Carter.
"I'll call you everyday," Carter promised. Abby smiled slightly.
"You damn well better," she replied. Then she turned and picked up Nathalie. Eric took his suitcase and went out of the door, followed by Abby with Nathalie, and then Carter with Abby's suitcase. He piled them into the car and waited as Abby strapped Nathalie into her baby seat. When she ducked out from the back seat, she turned and looked straight at him. He brushed the stray hair from her forehead and ran his finger down the side of her face and neck.
"We'll be ok, honey." Carter told her. "I'll see you soon. Take care, baby." Abby only nodded, she couldn't open her mouth in fear of crying. She didn't want to make such a fuss over something that must seem so trivial to everyone around her. Only she could understand the weight of the dread and mixed emotions that settled in her soul. She got into the seat next to Nathalie, refusing to sit beside her brother, in case he asked her a question. She didn't feel like talking. She didn't want to risk starting a stream of tears that she didn't think she could find an end to.
* * *
The steady smooth speed of the car had slowly sent Nathalie into a deep sleep. The car was silent apart from the faint crackling country music that played from the broken car stereo. The tension muffled any noise, anyway, like a smothering blanket. Abby sat back in the seat. She was ok with the tension. It was evident, however, that Eric wasn't, as he tried searching for different radio stations, looking for a distraction from a situation he couldn't help feeling he had started. Abby stared out of the window. The sky was all grey. The road they travelled down was grey. The concrete buildings were grey and the expressionless people that wandered the various streets were grey, too. Where was Carter? Where was he when she needed him to add the sparking vibrant colours to her life? She should never have left him. A tear slid down her face and she made her hair swing down to hide her face, in case Eric happened to look in the mirror and see her crying. She leant her head against the cool glass and stared up at the sky. Maybe Carter was watching the sky, too. This only made the tears fall faster. Above her, the heavens opened up and drenched the world around. Just how she felt. Drenched, sodden and low.
"So you'll be back at 2?" Abby asked again.
"I promise," Carter smiled and nodded. Why was she so worried about visiting her own mother alone?
"I don't see why you have to go in today," Abby frowned. She couldn't risk him getting caught by a trauma or something, she needed him home and with her all the way.
"Come on, baby. Smile," Carter kissed her as her fumbled with his tie. "I need to go in to sort out my leave. We can't just go AWOL, Weaver would go mental." Abby smiled at the thought of her and Carter escaping from the ER together and Weaver chasing after them.
"See, there's that beautiful smile," Carter grinned. Abby raised her eyebrows and tried hard to wipe the smile from her face just to prove him wrong. "I'll be home at 2, promise." He kissed her and Nathalie quickly before grabbing his case and leaving.
"Bye," he called from the hall. "Love you," The door slammed shut.
"Love you, too," Abby whispered to herself. He was already gone.
* * *
Eric found her in the living room, playing with Nathalie.
"Good morning," he greeted. Abby looked up and smiled.
"Good morning, sleep ok?"
"Yeah, great thanks. Where's Carter?" He asked.
"Work," Abby replied. "He'll be back at 2, though, and then we'll leave." She told him this, although it was more for self-assurance. Carter would be back at 2. Everything would be ok.
* * *
Abby had Nathalie all dressed and had packed all her things. She sat by the door, on her suitcase, waiting. Why did she feel so anxious?
"Hey, Abby. What are you doing sitting out here?" Eric came by.
"He'll be back soon," she replied, not taking her eyes off the clock above the door. Five to 2. There's nothing wrong with being early, why couldn't he come back now? Four to 2. Come on come on. Four to 2 and thirty seconds. Oh for god's sake. Nathalie whimpered slightly and Abby realised that in her anticipation, she had hugged her baby daughter to her so tightly that she began to fret. "Sorry, sorry honey," she whispered and rocked her gently. She watched the door with eyes that stared so hard they must've burnt holes through the wood. Where was he? There were footsteps, up to the door. There was the jingle of keys. Abby held her breath. This was ridiculous, but she wanted him back more than ever. There was the rattle as the key tried to find the lock. A click. Turn the key. Another click. The door swung open on reluctant hinges. Abby leapt up and flung herself into his arms.
"Hey, hey," Carter smiled. "What's all this? What's happened?" Abby drew back from him and looked a bit embarrassed for not having a proper reason.
"I thought maybe you weren't coming back," she replied, shyly. "I really need you with me right now." Carter's smiled dropped from his face.
"Oh, Abby," he sighed and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"What?" she asked suddenly worried. "'Oh Abby'- what?" Carter chewed on his bottom lip.
"I can't go." Carter told her, finally. Abby laughed, nervously.
"You can't go where?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.
"I can't go with you on this. Weaver can't spare me," he shook his head sadly.
"But - but I can't spare you, either," she said, helplessly. "What are we going to do?"
"You go, honey. Take Nathalie, too, she needs you," Carter told her.
"But I need you," Abby protested. "I need you, John."
"Honey, it's not about me, it's between you and you're mother." He tried to reason.
"I need you there. You said wherever I wanted you, you'd be there," Abby begged him.
"Baby, I would go. I'd do anything for you, but I can't. There's nothing I can do about it," Carter apologised. Abby fell into his arms again.
"I don't want to go without you," she whispered to his tie. Carter stroked her head and took baby Nathalie out of her arms.
"Be strong, honey. You'll be fine." Carter assured her. She looked up at him.
"I'll miss you," she told him. He smiled.
"I'll miss you too," he replied. "I'll call you everyday, I promise." He kissed her, softly as Eric came by.
"Hey, Carter, you ready to go?" Eric asked. Carter shook his head.
"Sorry, Eric, I can't go." Carter replied. "But take good care of Abby and Nathalie." He kissed Nathalie on the forehead and placed her in her baby carrier. He took Abby's forlorn looking face in his hands and looked at her for a while. Then he brought it towards him and kissed her. It had to be long, it had to be special. It had to last them both the whole time they were kept apart. When they finally broke apart, Carter looked straight into Abby's eyes and smiled, slightly. Abby stuck her chin up and took a deep breath.
"Ok, let's go," she told Eric, not taking her eyes off Carter.
"I'll call you everyday," Carter promised. Abby smiled slightly.
"You damn well better," she replied. Then she turned and picked up Nathalie. Eric took his suitcase and went out of the door, followed by Abby with Nathalie, and then Carter with Abby's suitcase. He piled them into the car and waited as Abby strapped Nathalie into her baby seat. When she ducked out from the back seat, she turned and looked straight at him. He brushed the stray hair from her forehead and ran his finger down the side of her face and neck.
"We'll be ok, honey." Carter told her. "I'll see you soon. Take care, baby." Abby only nodded, she couldn't open her mouth in fear of crying. She didn't want to make such a fuss over something that must seem so trivial to everyone around her. Only she could understand the weight of the dread and mixed emotions that settled in her soul. She got into the seat next to Nathalie, refusing to sit beside her brother, in case he asked her a question. She didn't feel like talking. She didn't want to risk starting a stream of tears that she didn't think she could find an end to.
* * *
The steady smooth speed of the car had slowly sent Nathalie into a deep sleep. The car was silent apart from the faint crackling country music that played from the broken car stereo. The tension muffled any noise, anyway, like a smothering blanket. Abby sat back in the seat. She was ok with the tension. It was evident, however, that Eric wasn't, as he tried searching for different radio stations, looking for a distraction from a situation he couldn't help feeling he had started. Abby stared out of the window. The sky was all grey. The road they travelled down was grey. The concrete buildings were grey and the expressionless people that wandered the various streets were grey, too. Where was Carter? Where was he when she needed him to add the sparking vibrant colours to her life? She should never have left him. A tear slid down her face and she made her hair swing down to hide her face, in case Eric happened to look in the mirror and see her crying. She leant her head against the cool glass and stared up at the sky. Maybe Carter was watching the sky, too. This only made the tears fall faster. Above her, the heavens opened up and drenched the world around. Just how she felt. Drenched, sodden and low.