Abby found the door after a lot of determined wandering through endless and
unfamiliar corridors. Eric was already inside, talking to Maggie. Why did
he have to be such a good kid and make her look bad? She knocked gently on
the door with pale knuckles and Eric looked up. Instead of seeming angry,
like in her nightmare, he smiled and jumped up to open the door.
"Hey, Abby," he grinned. "Where've you been?" Abby looked at her feet, unable to look at his forgiving eyes.
"At a hotel," she replied in a small voice. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it, kid," he put a hand on her shoulder and then stroked Nathalie's hair. "Hey, Nat. How are you?" Abby smiled at him. God, why did he have to be so forgiving? She wanted him to shout and yell and say how horrible she is. But instead he smiled warmly and said:
"Ok, I guess I'll leave you two alone."
Abby went and sat beside Maggie.
"How are you, Mom?" she asked, quietly. Maggie smiled, tiredly.
"Well I had another stroke two nights back." She told her. "And I guess each one makes me a bit weaker. But I've missed you, Abby."
"I'm sorry," Abby apologised. "I was.scared." Maggie took her hand in her own old and weak one.
"Scared of what, honey?"
"I don't know," Abby shrugged. "Lots of things." It had been hard enough for her, admitting she was scared. She didn't really feel like searching deep inside herself to find out why.
There was a silence.
"We need to talk about things," Maggie hinted. "We need to let things out in order for them to be cleared up."
"I'm scared because.I never knew you, and now there's no time," Abby began. "And I guess I'm also scared of being a bi-polar mother to Nathalie like you were to me. Or, worse, having Nathalie become bi-polar and you won't be there to help me. I know I have Carter, but like you always use as an excuse, I've never been 'inside' it. I don't know. I suppose that's why I always get angry when you use that as an excuse, because if Nathalie ever gets it, then I won't know how to."
"You will be ok, baby." Maggie looked straight into Abby's eyes, her own eyes shining with joy that Abby was finally opening up. "You kept us three together all the time, and you were only little. I have no doubt that you could deal with anything."
"But I don't want to have to deal with anything," Abby said. This might've been the only time in her life when she felt like a little girl relying fully on her mother.
"I don't want to die, Abby, but it's going to happen," Maggie told her, gently.
"Can we forget about all the horrible stuff I said?" Abby asked her. "Can we leave all the anger and stuff in the past?"
"Only if you want to, Abby," Maggie smiled.
"I just want to be here for you," Abby replied. Maggie knew that Abby meant she only wanted Maggie to be there for her, but she only nodded.
"We'll be alright," Maggie promised. "We'll be ok."
"Hey, Abby," he grinned. "Where've you been?" Abby looked at her feet, unable to look at his forgiving eyes.
"At a hotel," she replied in a small voice. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it, kid," he put a hand on her shoulder and then stroked Nathalie's hair. "Hey, Nat. How are you?" Abby smiled at him. God, why did he have to be so forgiving? She wanted him to shout and yell and say how horrible she is. But instead he smiled warmly and said:
"Ok, I guess I'll leave you two alone."
Abby went and sat beside Maggie.
"How are you, Mom?" she asked, quietly. Maggie smiled, tiredly.
"Well I had another stroke two nights back." She told her. "And I guess each one makes me a bit weaker. But I've missed you, Abby."
"I'm sorry," Abby apologised. "I was.scared." Maggie took her hand in her own old and weak one.
"Scared of what, honey?"
"I don't know," Abby shrugged. "Lots of things." It had been hard enough for her, admitting she was scared. She didn't really feel like searching deep inside herself to find out why.
There was a silence.
"We need to talk about things," Maggie hinted. "We need to let things out in order for them to be cleared up."
"I'm scared because.I never knew you, and now there's no time," Abby began. "And I guess I'm also scared of being a bi-polar mother to Nathalie like you were to me. Or, worse, having Nathalie become bi-polar and you won't be there to help me. I know I have Carter, but like you always use as an excuse, I've never been 'inside' it. I don't know. I suppose that's why I always get angry when you use that as an excuse, because if Nathalie ever gets it, then I won't know how to."
"You will be ok, baby." Maggie looked straight into Abby's eyes, her own eyes shining with joy that Abby was finally opening up. "You kept us three together all the time, and you were only little. I have no doubt that you could deal with anything."
"But I don't want to have to deal with anything," Abby said. This might've been the only time in her life when she felt like a little girl relying fully on her mother.
"I don't want to die, Abby, but it's going to happen," Maggie told her, gently.
"Can we forget about all the horrible stuff I said?" Abby asked her. "Can we leave all the anger and stuff in the past?"
"Only if you want to, Abby," Maggie smiled.
"I just want to be here for you," Abby replied. Maggie knew that Abby meant she only wanted Maggie to be there for her, but she only nodded.
"We'll be alright," Maggie promised. "We'll be ok."