"Well, looks like we can't practice our scene with the pirates today. Two of our pirates and the centipede are in the hospital wing. I do have professors Trelawney and McGonagall to work on a read through of the earlier scenes. James, Lorn, do you have your scripts?" Dumbledore asked.
"Why am I here, I didn't even try out!" Lorn said.
"Neither did I." James pointed out.
"Shut up Jeremy."
"James! My name is James!"
"James…James." Dumbledore sang. "Okay, we'll be doing that scene too. But I think we should go through the scene with the glowing green things right now."
"Oh no you won't! I need him for costumes!" Jezzebel said, rushing in with yards of fabric trailing behind her. "Those are important you know. He can always review his lines tonight."
"Well, alright. I suppose the costumes are more important than the lines." Dumbeldore said, only he was being serious. A few eyebrows were raised.
"This play's going to be magnificent." Narcissa muttered. "Alright Jezzy, what do you have for me?"
"Oh you'll look so pretty in it Narcissa, here, it's back here." And then she pulled out a very circular, bright red foam lady bug costume.
"You're kidding. You don't expect me to wear this, do you!?" Narcissa shrieked. "Like, in front of people. You want me to wear this in front of people?"
"No, just the entire school. Oh, and we're going to have to transfigure an extra pair of arms onto you for opening night. Lady bugs have six legs you know." Jezzebel said, walking onto the next person.
"Um…right. I'm not doing this. I'll come up with something." Narcissa muttered, walking away.
"Okay, um, I need to talk to…oh Sirius isn't here right now. Okay, just Lorn then." Jezzebel said.
"What?" Lorn asked.
"You need a new accent. You're…what is your accent anyway?"
"I don't have an accent."
"Yes you do. You don't sound like you're from here, so you've got one."
"No I don't."
"Well, anyway, you're not British and you need to be."
"I am British!" He exclaimed.
"Well you don't sound it. You're entirely too American. So, I had professor Flitwick teach me this little charm I can put on your voice to make you sound British. Sirius is getting one too, he needs to be American. There's a slight downside though." Then she muttered very hurriedly under her breath.
"Repeat that last part. Louder. Slower." Lorn ordered.
"Fine, but you won't like it. These charms were invented for the sake of helping people blend into new cultures, so there's this little thing it does…if you use slang that's not British, it'll zap you."
"So I can't say fuck?" He asked.
"No no, brits use fuck too. You just, like…I don't know actually. Hmm, I guess it'll only really affect Sirius. Oh, he's going to be in the hopsital wing a lot. Anyway, Flitwick wanted me to put the charms on you now so you could get used to them."
"Alright."
SKIPPY SKIPPY
"Hey Lorn."
"'Allo."
"So the charm worked?" Sirius asked.
"No shite, except it keeps changing regions. One minute I'm from London, the next I'm from Ireland, which technically isn't England! I've been Scottish too!" Lorn complained.
"Hmm. Well I need to go get mine done. Jezzebel said something bad would happen, but then she sort of muttered. It wasn't important, was it?" Sirius asked.
"Naw, course it wasn't mate."
"That is scary."
"S'right."
Shuddering, Sirius stepped into Flitwick's room. "Hold still and don't blink." Flitwick instructed.
"Huh?"
"Well, Jezzebel had a bit of an accident with Mr. Mystique's, so I'm administering yours and…if all goes well there will be a very bright flash. It was a dull green spark for Lorn, thus the switches."
"Okay…"
"One…two…two and a half…two and three quarters…LOOK OVER THERE-THREE!!!"
"Wha? Ah! My eyes! My sodding (ZAP) AAAHH!!! Oh bollo-AAAH!!!" Sirius hugged himself as he was zapped. "What's going on? Bleedi-AAAHH!!! Bog-AAAH!!!"
"Didn't Jezzebel tell you?!" Flitwick called over the sound of the first year electrocuting himself. "You have to use American slang only or you'll get zapped!"
"Bloody he-AAAAAAHHH!!!"
SKIPPY SKIPPY
James picked up a balloon and held it in the air. It was pulled to the door. "Sirius is coming." He warned.
In walked Sirius, his black hair sticking out in as many directions as James', although some of his was singed. The balloon attached itself to Sirius' head.
"Will you stop doing that? I know I'm a conductor but it's blo…it's fucking annoying." Sirius complained.
"You sound funny." Peter noted.
"I'm American now. Shut up. I swear, I feel like my IQ's dropping (do not yell at us, we're American! -ed.) every minute."
"Maybe that's from all of the shocks to the head." James suggested. "You swear a lot."
"I noticed!" he snapped.
"So you can't say bloody?" Peter asked.
"No." Sirius said sadly.
"And you can't say arse?" James asked.
"No."
"So you can't say, I'm Sirius Black the bloody stupidest arse in the whole of England?" James asked.
"You sodd- Bzzt! Aah! Wank-Aaaah!" The balloon popped, and the force of the shock made Sirius fall out of his chair and writhe on the floor of the common room, while James and Peter laughed at him and poked him with things.
"That's not nice." Remus said weakly, coming in.
"You're wet again." Peter noted. "Toilet swirlie?"
"Yes."
"So why are you all the way wet? Shouldn't just your head be wet?" James asked.
"Moaning Myrtle felt bad for me this time so she tried to help me by blowing up the toilet. She thought I was going to drown. Romulus got wet too though."
"Maybe I'll cast an accent charm on him…" Sirius thought. "He swears enough."
"He hardly talks. He just sort of grunts and punches." Remus argued weakly. "I'm going to take some asprin and have a lie down. Poke me before the next rehearsal."
"Maybe we'll make Sirius swear. There's an alarm clock if I've ever heard one." James said.
"You pra-AARGK!!!"
"Why am I here, I didn't even try out!" Lorn said.
"Neither did I." James pointed out.
"Shut up Jeremy."
"James! My name is James!"
"James…James." Dumbledore sang. "Okay, we'll be doing that scene too. But I think we should go through the scene with the glowing green things right now."
"Oh no you won't! I need him for costumes!" Jezzebel said, rushing in with yards of fabric trailing behind her. "Those are important you know. He can always review his lines tonight."
"Well, alright. I suppose the costumes are more important than the lines." Dumbeldore said, only he was being serious. A few eyebrows were raised.
"This play's going to be magnificent." Narcissa muttered. "Alright Jezzy, what do you have for me?"
"Oh you'll look so pretty in it Narcissa, here, it's back here." And then she pulled out a very circular, bright red foam lady bug costume.
"You're kidding. You don't expect me to wear this, do you!?" Narcissa shrieked. "Like, in front of people. You want me to wear this in front of people?"
"No, just the entire school. Oh, and we're going to have to transfigure an extra pair of arms onto you for opening night. Lady bugs have six legs you know." Jezzebel said, walking onto the next person.
"Um…right. I'm not doing this. I'll come up with something." Narcissa muttered, walking away.
"Okay, um, I need to talk to…oh Sirius isn't here right now. Okay, just Lorn then." Jezzebel said.
"What?" Lorn asked.
"You need a new accent. You're…what is your accent anyway?"
"I don't have an accent."
"Yes you do. You don't sound like you're from here, so you've got one."
"No I don't."
"Well, anyway, you're not British and you need to be."
"I am British!" He exclaimed.
"Well you don't sound it. You're entirely too American. So, I had professor Flitwick teach me this little charm I can put on your voice to make you sound British. Sirius is getting one too, he needs to be American. There's a slight downside though." Then she muttered very hurriedly under her breath.
"Repeat that last part. Louder. Slower." Lorn ordered.
"Fine, but you won't like it. These charms were invented for the sake of helping people blend into new cultures, so there's this little thing it does…if you use slang that's not British, it'll zap you."
"So I can't say fuck?" He asked.
"No no, brits use fuck too. You just, like…I don't know actually. Hmm, I guess it'll only really affect Sirius. Oh, he's going to be in the hopsital wing a lot. Anyway, Flitwick wanted me to put the charms on you now so you could get used to them."
"Alright."
SKIPPY SKIPPY
"Hey Lorn."
"'Allo."
"So the charm worked?" Sirius asked.
"No shite, except it keeps changing regions. One minute I'm from London, the next I'm from Ireland, which technically isn't England! I've been Scottish too!" Lorn complained.
"Hmm. Well I need to go get mine done. Jezzebel said something bad would happen, but then she sort of muttered. It wasn't important, was it?" Sirius asked.
"Naw, course it wasn't mate."
"That is scary."
"S'right."
Shuddering, Sirius stepped into Flitwick's room. "Hold still and don't blink." Flitwick instructed.
"Huh?"
"Well, Jezzebel had a bit of an accident with Mr. Mystique's, so I'm administering yours and…if all goes well there will be a very bright flash. It was a dull green spark for Lorn, thus the switches."
"Okay…"
"One…two…two and a half…two and three quarters…LOOK OVER THERE-THREE!!!"
"Wha? Ah! My eyes! My sodding (ZAP) AAAHH!!! Oh bollo-AAAH!!!" Sirius hugged himself as he was zapped. "What's going on? Bleedi-AAAHH!!! Bog-AAAH!!!"
"Didn't Jezzebel tell you?!" Flitwick called over the sound of the first year electrocuting himself. "You have to use American slang only or you'll get zapped!"
"Bloody he-AAAAAAHHH!!!"
SKIPPY SKIPPY
James picked up a balloon and held it in the air. It was pulled to the door. "Sirius is coming." He warned.
In walked Sirius, his black hair sticking out in as many directions as James', although some of his was singed. The balloon attached itself to Sirius' head.
"Will you stop doing that? I know I'm a conductor but it's blo…it's fucking annoying." Sirius complained.
"You sound funny." Peter noted.
"I'm American now. Shut up. I swear, I feel like my IQ's dropping (do not yell at us, we're American! -ed.) every minute."
"Maybe that's from all of the shocks to the head." James suggested. "You swear a lot."
"I noticed!" he snapped.
"So you can't say bloody?" Peter asked.
"No." Sirius said sadly.
"And you can't say arse?" James asked.
"No."
"So you can't say, I'm Sirius Black the bloody stupidest arse in the whole of England?" James asked.
"You sodd- Bzzt! Aah! Wank-Aaaah!" The balloon popped, and the force of the shock made Sirius fall out of his chair and writhe on the floor of the common room, while James and Peter laughed at him and poked him with things.
"That's not nice." Remus said weakly, coming in.
"You're wet again." Peter noted. "Toilet swirlie?"
"Yes."
"So why are you all the way wet? Shouldn't just your head be wet?" James asked.
"Moaning Myrtle felt bad for me this time so she tried to help me by blowing up the toilet. She thought I was going to drown. Romulus got wet too though."
"Maybe I'll cast an accent charm on him…" Sirius thought. "He swears enough."
"He hardly talks. He just sort of grunts and punches." Remus argued weakly. "I'm going to take some asprin and have a lie down. Poke me before the next rehearsal."
"Maybe we'll make Sirius swear. There's an alarm clock if I've ever heard one." James said.
"You pra-AARGK!!!"