Abby glanced out of the hospital window and saw the fiery orange sunset
sinking down between the buildings. She had spent all day with Maggie and
Eric and Nathalie as a family but it still felt empty and weird. She
blotted out Eric and Maggie's animated chatter as she delved deep into
herself to see if she could find what was missing.
"Carter," she murmured, realising, guilty that she hadn't before.
"What was that, Abby?" Maggie asked, looking up.
"Oh, no, I just need to.I should call Carter," she answered vaguely. "He'd be worried." She left the room to use the pay phone that was hanging on the wall of the empty corridor. She had felt so happy, truly happy, for the first time in ages, and now she couldn't even share the true happiness with Carter because he wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand why this day was any different to all the other made up ones she had told him about. She shifted Nathalie onto her left hip as she took out her credit card and slotted it into the machine. She dialled the number and waited as it rang. How was she meant to tell him all this?
"Hello?" Carter picked up the phone. "John Carter speaking."
"Hey, it's Abby," she began nervously.
"Hey there hun," his voice brightened considerably when he heard this and Abby wondered whether he was putting this happy voice on for her, just like she did to him. "How are you?"
"I'm great, John," she told him, but she felt regretful as this was the first time she had said it and meant it.
"That's nice," he enthused with an overly cheerful voice. "And Nathalie? How is she?"
"She's great, too. Missing her Daddy, though," Abby told him just what he wanted to hear even though it made him feel worse. "Listen John, I really need to talk you,"
"What about, baby?" he asked, concerned. "But I'll have to go to the ER in ten minutes." Abby's heart sank. She had hoped she would have at least twenty minutes to pour out her feelings.
"I.erm." Abby began. "Hey, why don't you talk to Nathalie for a second, I'm kinda worried she'll forget your voice." She held the receiver to her daughter's ear and waited a while. Immediately, Nathalie began to cry, so Abby quickly took back the phone.
"Sorry bout that, John," she apologised hurriedly, trying to calm Nathalie down. "She was probably a bit freaked out, hearing her Daddy's voice coming through the phone."
"Yeah, something like that," Carter replied, half-heartedly, but Abby couldn't hear past Nathalie's cries which echoed down the line making Carter only feel worse.
"Yeah, I love you, too, hun," she told him, vaguely. "Miss you. Gotta go now, have fun at work. Tell everyone I miss them."
"Ok, sure." Carter answered, feeling down. "Love you. Bye bye."
"Bye," Abby managed to juggle Nathalie, the phone back onto the holder and her credit card out of the machine and on Carter's end, the line went dead. Abby returned to Maggie's room, rocking Nathalie with her credit card between her teeth and her handbag trailing from her elbow.
* * *
Carter sighed and sat down on the stairs with his head in his hands. This wasn't the first time he had wished he could be with his family, but now he felt it even more. He felt that Abby wasn't telling him something but he felt worse after the 'talk' to Nathalie. What had Abby said? Worried she'll forget his voice? She probably already had done, and he had only succeeded in making her scared when he tried to tell her he loved her. What kind of a father was he? He picked up his coat and went into the ER.
* * *
Abby sat in Eric's rented apartment after putting Nathalie to bed at night. Eric was in the shower and she sat in front of the blank television screen. She'd probably be watching some ridiculous late night chat show with Carter right now. They wouldn't be watching, just talking about their day as they sat in each others arms, just enjoying each other's company. Abby sighed. She couldn't think about him, everytime she thought of him, she remembered how she failed to tell him the truth. She replayed the conversation in her head and realised how hurt he sounded after he had made Nathalie cry. She rubbed her eyes. She had forgotten that this was hard for him, too. At least she had Nathalie. She realised how hard she would find it without her baby girl with her, too. She imagined him, coming home to an empty flat, putting on a brave face for everybody. If it had been her, she would have found it torture.
"You know, it works better if you turn it on," Eric smiled at her and turned on the TV, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Abby smiled, quickly.
"Yeah, and in Chicago we have things called combs," she commented, referring to his spiky ruffled hair. "Amazing inventions, you might have heard of them." He stuck his tongue out at her and grinned before turning back to the TV to do some channel surfing. Once he looked away, Abby's smile faded. She glanced out of the window into the inky black sky edged with orange from the street lights. She wondered if it was this dark in Chicago.
* * *
Carter slumped onto the desk and laid his head on the surface with a heavy sigh.
"What's up, Carter?" Weaver's voice made him jump, he didn't realise anyone else would see him in this empty room. Carter looked at her, wondering whether or not to explain. He didn't want to risk letting floods of emotions out, but then he needed to tell someone.
"Abby called me earlier." He began, with a sigh.
"Bad news?" Weaver asked, sympathetically.
"No," Carter shook his head. "It's just I talked to Nathalie on the phone but it only made her cry for ages. Abby and Nathalie have been away for so long. Do think Nathalie could have forgotten me?"
"I doubt it Carter. You were the first person to hold her when she was born, weren't you?" Weaver reassured him. "She'll remember you." Carter smiled nostalgically at the memory of Nathalie's birth. It had been one of the greatest moments in his life. The first time they were all together properly as a family.
"I just miss them so much." Carter confided. Weaver looked at him, thoughtfully.
"Well, it'll just make it happier when they come back," Weaver suggested, with a hopeful tone. Carter looked up at her and smiled, grimly.
"Thanks, Kerry, but I don't think I could be much happier than if she came back right now," Carter slumped back onto the table.
"Try not to let it get you down, Carter. You'll be ok," Weaver told him, and left the room. He turned and watched the door close.
"It's hard not to let it get me down," he muttered to the door. He sighed. He might just stay here tonight; he didn't think he could face another night in his flat. It needed to be filled with voices, with Abby's laughter and even Nathalie's cries. It was all those things that made it home, and now, it might as well be someone else's flat. It certainly didn't feel like his own.
"Carter," she murmured, realising, guilty that she hadn't before.
"What was that, Abby?" Maggie asked, looking up.
"Oh, no, I just need to.I should call Carter," she answered vaguely. "He'd be worried." She left the room to use the pay phone that was hanging on the wall of the empty corridor. She had felt so happy, truly happy, for the first time in ages, and now she couldn't even share the true happiness with Carter because he wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand why this day was any different to all the other made up ones she had told him about. She shifted Nathalie onto her left hip as she took out her credit card and slotted it into the machine. She dialled the number and waited as it rang. How was she meant to tell him all this?
"Hello?" Carter picked up the phone. "John Carter speaking."
"Hey, it's Abby," she began nervously.
"Hey there hun," his voice brightened considerably when he heard this and Abby wondered whether he was putting this happy voice on for her, just like she did to him. "How are you?"
"I'm great, John," she told him, but she felt regretful as this was the first time she had said it and meant it.
"That's nice," he enthused with an overly cheerful voice. "And Nathalie? How is she?"
"She's great, too. Missing her Daddy, though," Abby told him just what he wanted to hear even though it made him feel worse. "Listen John, I really need to talk you,"
"What about, baby?" he asked, concerned. "But I'll have to go to the ER in ten minutes." Abby's heart sank. She had hoped she would have at least twenty minutes to pour out her feelings.
"I.erm." Abby began. "Hey, why don't you talk to Nathalie for a second, I'm kinda worried she'll forget your voice." She held the receiver to her daughter's ear and waited a while. Immediately, Nathalie began to cry, so Abby quickly took back the phone.
"Sorry bout that, John," she apologised hurriedly, trying to calm Nathalie down. "She was probably a bit freaked out, hearing her Daddy's voice coming through the phone."
"Yeah, something like that," Carter replied, half-heartedly, but Abby couldn't hear past Nathalie's cries which echoed down the line making Carter only feel worse.
"Yeah, I love you, too, hun," she told him, vaguely. "Miss you. Gotta go now, have fun at work. Tell everyone I miss them."
"Ok, sure." Carter answered, feeling down. "Love you. Bye bye."
"Bye," Abby managed to juggle Nathalie, the phone back onto the holder and her credit card out of the machine and on Carter's end, the line went dead. Abby returned to Maggie's room, rocking Nathalie with her credit card between her teeth and her handbag trailing from her elbow.
* * *
Carter sighed and sat down on the stairs with his head in his hands. This wasn't the first time he had wished he could be with his family, but now he felt it even more. He felt that Abby wasn't telling him something but he felt worse after the 'talk' to Nathalie. What had Abby said? Worried she'll forget his voice? She probably already had done, and he had only succeeded in making her scared when he tried to tell her he loved her. What kind of a father was he? He picked up his coat and went into the ER.
* * *
Abby sat in Eric's rented apartment after putting Nathalie to bed at night. Eric was in the shower and she sat in front of the blank television screen. She'd probably be watching some ridiculous late night chat show with Carter right now. They wouldn't be watching, just talking about their day as they sat in each others arms, just enjoying each other's company. Abby sighed. She couldn't think about him, everytime she thought of him, she remembered how she failed to tell him the truth. She replayed the conversation in her head and realised how hurt he sounded after he had made Nathalie cry. She rubbed her eyes. She had forgotten that this was hard for him, too. At least she had Nathalie. She realised how hard she would find it without her baby girl with her, too. She imagined him, coming home to an empty flat, putting on a brave face for everybody. If it had been her, she would have found it torture.
"You know, it works better if you turn it on," Eric smiled at her and turned on the TV, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Abby smiled, quickly.
"Yeah, and in Chicago we have things called combs," she commented, referring to his spiky ruffled hair. "Amazing inventions, you might have heard of them." He stuck his tongue out at her and grinned before turning back to the TV to do some channel surfing. Once he looked away, Abby's smile faded. She glanced out of the window into the inky black sky edged with orange from the street lights. She wondered if it was this dark in Chicago.
* * *
Carter slumped onto the desk and laid his head on the surface with a heavy sigh.
"What's up, Carter?" Weaver's voice made him jump, he didn't realise anyone else would see him in this empty room. Carter looked at her, wondering whether or not to explain. He didn't want to risk letting floods of emotions out, but then he needed to tell someone.
"Abby called me earlier." He began, with a sigh.
"Bad news?" Weaver asked, sympathetically.
"No," Carter shook his head. "It's just I talked to Nathalie on the phone but it only made her cry for ages. Abby and Nathalie have been away for so long. Do think Nathalie could have forgotten me?"
"I doubt it Carter. You were the first person to hold her when she was born, weren't you?" Weaver reassured him. "She'll remember you." Carter smiled nostalgically at the memory of Nathalie's birth. It had been one of the greatest moments in his life. The first time they were all together properly as a family.
"I just miss them so much." Carter confided. Weaver looked at him, thoughtfully.
"Well, it'll just make it happier when they come back," Weaver suggested, with a hopeful tone. Carter looked up at her and smiled, grimly.
"Thanks, Kerry, but I don't think I could be much happier than if she came back right now," Carter slumped back onto the table.
"Try not to let it get you down, Carter. You'll be ok," Weaver told him, and left the room. He turned and watched the door close.
"It's hard not to let it get me down," he muttered to the door. He sighed. He might just stay here tonight; he didn't think he could face another night in his flat. It needed to be filled with voices, with Abby's laughter and even Nathalie's cries. It was all those things that made it home, and now, it might as well be someone else's flat. It certainly didn't feel like his own.