Chapter Sixty Nine
"How hard is it for you to keep doing what you're doing?" She had been lying in the hospital bed for several days now, and since welcomed the frequent conversationalist, as curt and vague as his responses were.
Jason shook his head as the question registered in his minds. "Do you think I'm really going to answer that?"
Jaime shrugged. "Why not? It's a lot simpler than some of the questions you're asked during police interrogation," she chirped. "Plus I'm way cuter." The subtle dig at his chosen occupation was unconscious, or at least that is what she would tell him.
Jason didn't know what she wanted him to say. His life was simple in one sense, yet inherently complicated in another respect. "I just do what I do. You either take it or leave it, and that applies to me too."
"But how are you supposed to have a life when you're running from the cops and in danger every moment of your life?" Jaime never understood it, she never would. What kind of life was it? Jason might as well be locked up in some cell for all the freedom he had. Of course Jason, her father, and many others in the 'Organization' would disagree with her assessment. They had chosen this life.
"I have a life." Jason couldn't see what Jaime was getting at. He had a job running Sonny's business. Once and awhile there were times of crisis in other parts of Sonny's unseen life, but for the most part it was about coffee, book and keeping things organized.
"Do you?" Jaime looked at Jason skeptically. After being shot, certain things swirled in her mind more often; finding love, it was something she never gave much thought to…until now. "A life usually includes the possibility of meeting someone and getting married…stuff like that."
Jason frowned. "And if it's something I want, it'll happen." He didn't like this conversation.
"But who's going to stay with a guy who's capable of killing someone because he was ordered to?"
"I guess that's why I'm not with someone then," he sighed tiredly. "Jaime, I'm not talking about this anymore."
As she folded her arms across her chest, the warning lights were flashing in front of her eyes. "But who else are you going to talk to about this?" Jaime teased. A part of her was serious, but she knew Jason was weary over the judgmental overtones her questions had taken. "I want you to be happy, and I've never known anyone in this business to be happy, including my Father."
Jason took her thoughtful observances into consideration, but his priorities were elsewhere at this point in his life. "I don't need to think about 'someone' at this point. I don't have the need to," he replied somewhat irritably.
"Don't you?" Jaime raised her eyebrow and looked past her guest to the new arrival, who had walked in the room.
~ * ~
"Am I interrupting something?" Elizabeth asked uneasily. She came downtown to run some errands and thought Jaime might enjoy a visitor. Elizabeth hadn't realized Jason was going to be there.
Jason turned to see Elizabeth leaning against the hospital room door. They had seen each other a few times since their 'non-conversation' at her studio, but she had seemed eager to avoid the subject. He stood up and motioned Elizabeth to sit. "I have to be going anyway," he answered.
Elizabeth hoped he wasn't leaving on her account. "You don't…you don't have to go," she said awkwardly. "I mean I can come back?" She pointed towards the hallway.
Jason gently grabbed Elizabeth's arm, stopping her from leaving the room. He guided her to the empty stool, and shook his head. "No, the warehouse is expecting a few shipments that I need to oversee, so I do need to go."
"Hey buster, you're not done here," Jaime pouted.
Jason cracked a smile. "I don't know about that," he grinned. "I think the doctors want me out of here anyway. Less stress."
Jaime narrowed her eyes. "That is not getting you out of this conversation mister!" She stuck out her tongue and rolled her eyes. "But go if you have to!"
Jason nodded and turned towards Elizabeth. "I'll see you around?" he said quietly.
Elizabeth felt her face flush, a reaction she still couldn't control, while around him. "Yeah."
Jaime felt like kicking both of them in their derrieres, as Jason closed the door behind him. She watched Elizabeth sit down distractedly, though Jaime knew what was distracting her. "Why haven't you told him you like him?"
Elizabeth was startled by Jaime's bluntness, though she shouldn't have been. She knew the petite Asian was always forthright in her thoughts. "Uh," she stammered. "What do you mean?"
Jaime rolled her eyes. "Uh, the guard outside my door," she said drolly. Jaime paused for effect and then sighed. "Jason!"
"It's complicated."
"How?" Jaime frowned. "You like him and he likes you. I wish my love life were as easy as that." Jaime massaged her shoulder, which was still stiff, but mended. "Heck, I haven't even found a guy."
Elizabeth shook her head at Jaime. She simplified things too much. "There's a lot of reasons why I can't tell him," she hedged.
"Like?"
"Like…" Her mind drew a blank. Why couldn't she tell Jason?
'He doesn't want to hear it,' a voice reminded her.
"He doesn't trust me," Elizabeth finally managed to say. "I hurt him too much the first time."
"So?" Jaime would get exasperated with this dance soon. "Make him see you're not going to hurt him again."
Easier said than done, Elizabeth thought. "And how would I do that?" she countered. It was simple in concept, but difficult in execution, especially when it came to Jason.
Jaime thought about it for a moment. "Well what is keeping you from telling Jason?" The question was more rhetorical than anything. "Make a list of what obstacles are in your way and then figure away around them," she explained.
Elizabeth leaned forward. "What do you mean?"
Jaime furrowed her brow in an attempt to come up with an example. "Oh!" she exclaimed excitedly, clapping her hands together. "Here's one. Think of it like this."
"Lucky and Nikolas are always on you for hanging out with Jason right?"
Elizabeth nodded. "Yeah."
"Well you need to talk with them and get out all of your feelings. You need to deal with their fears and apprehension too. Once you do, you will be able to stop feeling guilty about seeing Jason behind their backs because they will know where you stand."
Elizabeth watched Jaime's mind churn as she seemed very focused on the solution to her problem.
"Then you will ask them to respect your choice of friends," Jaime finished.
Elizabeth almost laughed. How detached the answer sounded. Though she thought it made sense, yet, hadn't she already tried that? "They don't want to listen," she sighed. "They have their opinions and know they are right."
Jaime bit her lip. "Give it a try," she urged her frustrated friend. "It couldn't hurt, and it would clarify things for them. From what I've heard, you've refused to even talk about Jason with them. And if I read them right, that just makes it harder for them to understand."
"Their imaginations run wild. They're men. But if you're open with them, they might not push you so hard. If your relationship is so secretive that you can't share that with them, it feels like you're pushing them away – like they've become obsolete as friends."
Elizabeth couldn't believe how the Asian woman seemed to understand their relationship so well. "Did anyone ever tell you you're a mind reader or something?" she laughed.
Jaime grinned. "Once or twice," she smirked. "You make number three, I think."
Elizabeth leaned back in her seat, a little more relaxed. "Do you talk to Nikolas a lot?" It had been a few days since she had seen or heard from the Greek Prince.
Jaime nodded. "He's come to visit a couple of times. Gia's here more often than Nikolas."
"So you've talked about me?" Elizabeth cringed, part of her not wanting to know the answer.
Jaime shrugged. "Not a big thing," she said casually. "He's just worried about losing a friend."
As she began picking at a chipped nail she hadn't noticed before, Elizabeth couldn't help feel responsible for it all. "How am I supposed to do it?"
"Do what?" Jaime could see a flash of futility in Elizabeth's eyes.
"Choose! That's what!" Elizabeth ran her fingers through her hair.
"Choose?" Jaime wasn't quite following. "I never said you had to choose."
"But I do!" Elizabeth exclaimed, jumping out of her chair. "Of course I do."
"Lucky and Nik will never accept my friendship with Jason…let alone something else. They've been saying that all along. 'Jason is no good for me.'"
It made Jaime's skin crawl to hear those words form that sentence. She could see it from both sides. She loved Jason, but hated his occupation. No one said she had to like a person's job in order to like the person. "Well deal with the each problem as it happens," Jaime said sympathetically. "See if things don't work out after you talk with them. And if not, then we'll see. There's no point imagining scenarios that might not happen. Besides, I'll see if I can't soften them up?"
Elizabeth looked up and smiled gratefully. It was nice to have someone able to understand her situation without having any stake in the ending. She was glad Jaime had come to PC.
~~~
"So she's doing okay?" Sonny sniffed as he adjusted the grey Italian suit.
Jason nodded. "Yeah." He couldn't keep Jaime's questions from running over and over in his mind.
"Is something…is something wrong?" Sonny frowned.
Jason looked up to see Sonny staring at him in concern. "It's nothing," he replied. There was no point in worrying about a situation that would never occur.
The usually dark and brooding Hispanic rubbed his chin in a familiar display of doubt. He raised his index finger at Jason and wagged it at him. "No. It's something. Now spill," he ordered.
Jason followed him over to the black leather couch. It was the mob boss' third, in the cornicopia of facelifts the living room had managed to receive, each time an foolish upstart attempted to take on Sonny's territory. "What's to talk about?" he asked. Jason saw no reason to bring the topic up now. It didn't even involve Sonny.
"Well if you said it out loud," Sonny chuckled, "then I could…well, maybe it would help."
Jason knew he wouldn't let it go, so he reluctantly gave in. "Jaime just mentioned how difficult it is to keep close friends in our…business." Jason carefully chose his words. The depth of the conversation didn't need to be revealed.
Sonny's forehead creased at the mention of concern. "Well," he threw his hands up, "can you blame the girl? She knows. But what is she expecting you to do? You're my right hand guy, and she also knows it's not come and go as you like."
Jason closed his eyes and sighed. He knew all of this. Sonny had been the one person to treat him like a person after his accident. Never once did he force Jason into this business, this life. In fact, Jason had discovered how adept he was for the position in less than a week. He never thought of Sonny's job as a career, but then again, Jason never really considered having a career as an option. It didn't seem right for him.
His thought processes never allowed him to think past the present, though he could calculate probabilities, when it came to risk and reactions. He liked dealing with facts, numbers and absolutes. So what kind of life or career would that allow?
"I know Sonny, but she doesn't think like we do," Jason reminded him. "She's dealing with wants, the future, and what ifs."
"But why is this bothering you now? People have always been bugging you about this…stuff." Sonny pushed himself off the couch and began his usual postural gestures, waving his hands in front of him as if it helped his points become clear.
"It's not." Jason stared at Sonny, who stopped cold in his tracks. It wasn't bothering him. Jaime's questions just made him ponder the answers, but it didn't nag at him.
"I have some shipments I have to deal with," Jason said matter-of-factly. "Do you need me for anything?" He stood and looked toward Sonny for direction.
Sonny stood quietly for a moment before waving his hand dismissively at Jason. "No," he mumbled. "Go. I'll talk to you later."
Jason nodded and exited the sharp, elegant penthouse. As he waited for the elevator, an image of Elizabeth's face flashed before him. 'A life usually includes the possibility of meeting someone…' Jaime's voice echoed in his head.
But did that include him?