Disclaimer: I do not, repeat, do NOT own any part of Labyrinth, Transmetropolitan, Dr. Strangelove, the Marx Brothers.
Dedication: For Jesus and Andy Kaufman, two of history's most misunderstood individuals.
Author's note: More crossover gags. Any questions, drop 'em in the review box. Also, it is just a parody. Any connection between Laby fans and those depicted here are purely kowinkydental.
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Spider Jerusalem was less than thrilled. The press conference had already started and his filthy assistants, Channon and Yelina, were nowhere to be found.
Sure it was easy to start monstering, shouting for the Goblin King's penis, but with the advent of slogans urging individuals to flash others, a single person making that demand would likely be ignored. He needed his two filthy assistants to wear and gnash plastic fangs. *That* would make him noticed.
Then, they finally showed.
"And where the fuck were *you* two?" he snapped.
"You're never going to *believe* it," said Yelina, exasperated.
"Try me."
"Well," Channon started, looking at Yelina, then slowly turning back to Spider, "my bowel disruptor backfired."
"It did *what*?"
"Do you *know* how many of these fantasy-freaks are carrying mirrors and crystal balls?" Yelina yelped. "We're lucky that we didn't *shit* ourselves." Just then, Yelina heard something about a duck. Considering the costumed and made-up weirdos she saw outside, she didn't even want to *know* what they were doing with ducks in here.
"Quiet, shorty," Channon snapped. "We were *only* in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Anyway," she said, turning back to Spider, "did we miss much?"
"On the contrary," he replied, "I think the show's just starting."
"Quiet! Quiet!" Jareth called to the din now dominating the whole stadium. The whole crowd quieted under his voice. "The doctor has something to say."
"Yes, yes, sank you, Jareth, I do haf much to zay on ze subject uf ze relationship of ze Goblin Kink and ze yunk Miss Villiams."
"All right, that's it," Sarah cried, under the newly growing buzz of the crowd. She turned to Jareth. "We're not getting *anywhere*."
"Sarah," said Jareth, standing. "Listen, this is what we both wanted." He covered his microphone. "You *knew* what was going to happen when you said you'd come. Of *course*. . ."
"Enough already," the spider-tattoo cried, "that's it. We are the *press*, Mr. Goblin King, and we have *questions*. Tell us of Ms. Williams' *vaginal orifice*, Mr. Goblin King."
Sarah and Jareth both turned pale at the sight of thousands upon thousands of Labyrinth fans drooling.
Yelina and Channon stood next to Spider, letting their saliva drip from their plastic fangs.
The moustache covered his eyes. "Oooh. I'd hate to see what happens next," he quipped, peeking through his fingers.
Sarah was about to cry. Jareth produced a crystal ball which rolled gracefully to his fingertips. "What is the *meaning* of this?"
Just as the fans were ducking for cover, a voice rung, clear as crystal, over the swelling crowd.
"I think I can explain."
Dedication: For Jesus and Andy Kaufman, two of history's most misunderstood individuals.
Author's note: More crossover gags. Any questions, drop 'em in the review box. Also, it is just a parody. Any connection between Laby fans and those depicted here are purely kowinkydental.
**********************************************************************************
Spider Jerusalem was less than thrilled. The press conference had already started and his filthy assistants, Channon and Yelina, were nowhere to be found.
Sure it was easy to start monstering, shouting for the Goblin King's penis, but with the advent of slogans urging individuals to flash others, a single person making that demand would likely be ignored. He needed his two filthy assistants to wear and gnash plastic fangs. *That* would make him noticed.
Then, they finally showed.
"And where the fuck were *you* two?" he snapped.
"You're never going to *believe* it," said Yelina, exasperated.
"Try me."
"Well," Channon started, looking at Yelina, then slowly turning back to Spider, "my bowel disruptor backfired."
"It did *what*?"
"Do you *know* how many of these fantasy-freaks are carrying mirrors and crystal balls?" Yelina yelped. "We're lucky that we didn't *shit* ourselves." Just then, Yelina heard something about a duck. Considering the costumed and made-up weirdos she saw outside, she didn't even want to *know* what they were doing with ducks in here.
"Quiet, shorty," Channon snapped. "We were *only* in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Anyway," she said, turning back to Spider, "did we miss much?"
"On the contrary," he replied, "I think the show's just starting."
"Quiet! Quiet!" Jareth called to the din now dominating the whole stadium. The whole crowd quieted under his voice. "The doctor has something to say."
"Yes, yes, sank you, Jareth, I do haf much to zay on ze subject uf ze relationship of ze Goblin Kink and ze yunk Miss Villiams."
"All right, that's it," Sarah cried, under the newly growing buzz of the crowd. She turned to Jareth. "We're not getting *anywhere*."
"Sarah," said Jareth, standing. "Listen, this is what we both wanted." He covered his microphone. "You *knew* what was going to happen when you said you'd come. Of *course*. . ."
"Enough already," the spider-tattoo cried, "that's it. We are the *press*, Mr. Goblin King, and we have *questions*. Tell us of Ms. Williams' *vaginal orifice*, Mr. Goblin King."
Sarah and Jareth both turned pale at the sight of thousands upon thousands of Labyrinth fans drooling.
Yelina and Channon stood next to Spider, letting their saliva drip from their plastic fangs.
The moustache covered his eyes. "Oooh. I'd hate to see what happens next," he quipped, peeking through his fingers.
Sarah was about to cry. Jareth produced a crystal ball which rolled gracefully to his fingertips. "What is the *meaning* of this?"
Just as the fans were ducking for cover, a voice rung, clear as crystal, over the swelling crowd.
"I think I can explain."