DISCLAIMERS: See the beginning of Part1. All disclaimers apply (duh, like
I want to be sued). May your lives be filled with tangy pineapple
goodness! Enjoy the fic! ~GoGo Pineapple~
PART 2: THE UNEXPECTED ROOMIE FROM HELL
"O.k., the door on your right leads to the kitchen, where all your meals are made. And to your left is the dining area, that's where you eat."
"That's pretty self explanatory," said Harry, grinning at Nurse Candi.
"The next door on your right leads to the meeting hall, that's usually where the tenants like to have parties and special gatherings."
By this time, Ron had fallen back to sleep again. Hermione, who looked like she was about to drift off to dreamland herself, still continued to push Ron's rusty wheelchair down the white tiled hallway. Soon the narrow hallway opened up into a large, inviting looking room.
"This is the recreation room, where many of the seniors spend most of their time. As you can see, we have many, easy to use, muggle devices to keep yourself busy with." Nurse Candi explained.
Harry saw that the room had a fairly big sized television set, a fooze ball table, and a tiny, outdated computer. There were probably a lot more interesting toys to play with, but, Harry had great difficulties seeing them, because he just then realized that he misplaced his glasses.
"Ah drat! I've just lost my glasses! Do any of you know where I --- RON!" Everyone turned to see the sleeping Ron wearing Harry's spectacles.
*WHAP* "RON! Why the HELL are you wearing Harry's glasses!" screamed Hermione, smacking Ron with a 5 ft. bamboo stick with the name 'ARP' written on it with black Sharpie.
"Dear Lord, Hermione, you don't need to KILL him!" Harry yelled at her, snatching his glasses.
"Well, that's the only way I can get through to him anymore!" said Hermione defensively, still clutching her husband beating device.
Now Ron was in a serious state of shock, for his eyes were wide open and he was panting like a Panda bear on a hot summers day.
"Stupid glasses have been disappearing a lot lately," sighed Harry, "they've just been popping up in strange places."
"Maybe it's a sign from." Hermione's voice was now a monsterous litte whisper, "from. Voldemort." Nurse Candi gve a high pitched squeal, stumbled backwards, and fell into Ron's lap.
"Get out of my husband's wheelchair ridden lap you little HUSSY!" Hermione took her bamboo stick (ARP) and started to swing it wildly at Nurse Candi, nearly missing Ron by mere centimeters.
"Nah. I doubt it's Voldemort. I think my glasses are just possessed, or something like that."
Now Nurse Candi was lying in a heap on the floor. Her supermodel body was bruised and bloody.
"She was askin' for it," said a satisfied Hermione, "lets just go on the rest of the tour without her." Hermione pushed the still hyperventilating Ron right over the beaten mess formerly known as Nurse Candi.
The trio made their way across the recreation room, and entered another long, white hallway. Harry noticed that the walls had wooden railings attached to them that stopped abruptly when there was an opening, then continued again.
"My this place is really fit for the elderly."
"Oh yes, it's a very splendid place to live, Harry, you'll like it," Hermione said, smirking happily, "but there's just something important I keep forgetting to tell you. but don't worry, I'll remember. eventually."
Ron grunted in a sarcastic manner. He appeared much calmer than he was before. They turned a corner that led into a dreary hallway. There was a sign posted on the wall that read 'Psycho Ward'.
"This is where all the loonies are stored," said Ron, returning back to a 'stable' condition.
They passed a heavy metal, padlocked door with a curtained window on the wall next to it.
"Harry, Harry, you absolutely have to see this!" said an urgent Ron, who excitedly tugged back the curtain, exposing the room within.
It was a high celinged, white padded room. The lights in it were blinding, Harry had to squint to make out the contents. There were many cans of what seemed to be pineapples sprawled throughout the room, and there were also pineapples tied with fishing line attached to the ceiling. They swayed back and forth in a rhythmic fashion.
"Look over there in the corner!" Ron giggled. Harry was simply shocked by the sight he saw.
Sitting in the corner, there was a decrepit old man in a straight jacket. He appeared to be sleeping, his gray, greasy, matted hair covered most of his wrinkled, droopy face. In his mouth, situated between his rotted teeth was a sticky looking can opener.
"That. that's not who I think it is. is it?" stuttered Harry in disbelief. R on was now laughing hysterically.
"Yes Harry. that," Hermione pointed, "that is our dear, old Professor Snape."
"Oh Dear Great Merlin! He has to be over 100 years old!"
"121 to be exact," corrected Hermione.
"But. what's with the pineapples?"
"Well, they supposedly give him some kind of super human stimulation. Those pineapples are what has kept him alive for so long."
"Why do you say he's 'super human'?" questioned Harry.
"He can perform physical feats other normal 121 year olds can't."
"Like what? What do you mean?"
At this time, Ron was laughing like a rabid hyena on steroids. In fact, Ron was laughing so hard he tipped his wheelchair and landed with a crash.
"Ahhh My Back! My Back!" screamed Ron in sheer agony.
"Ronnie!" Hermione fell to her knees and was trying to scoop Ron back into his chair.
Harry tried to assist them, but his bad arthritis didn't allow him. Instead, he looked back at the sleeping Snape, well at least he was sleeping. Snape was staring right at him. His puffy, blood shot eyes gazed at Harry intently.
"Uhhh. Hermione."
"Yes.what.is it.Harry?" asked an out of breath Hermione, situating Ron back in his wheelchair.
"Look at Snape."
Both Ron and Hermione directed their attentions toward the senior in the straight jacket. At that exact moment, Snape decided to strike. He lunged forward to the window at an alarming speed, and slammed his 'in desperate need of Botox', wrinkled face against the glass. Harry snatched the curtain and yanked it shut.
"You see," said Hermione, breathing deeply, "what the power of pineapples make him do!"
The trio backed into the adjacent wall facing the window with fear.
"And the really scary thing is that he escapes sometimes during the night."
"Yeah, and he'll crawl around in the air ducts and look through the vents at you while your sleeping." told Ron.
They fell silent. They could hear Snape making noises and scratching the window with his can opener.
"Poor git can't even speak proper English anymore." Ron said sympathetically.
Snape made noises that sounded like the ones made by monsters. One of his phrases sounded like this.
"JIBBY JIBBY JEWW JAWLL GAAH NAR YEEH NUHR!"
.many words like this where screeched from inside the room.
"Hermione dear, I wanna go home!" whined Ron.
"Alright, alright Ron, let's head back now."
They soon found themselves in yet another brightly lit hallway with many wooden doors. Off in the distance, they could hear a faint voice that sounded like Bob Barkers.
"My Jeebus! Who is playing their TV so loud?" questioned Harry.
"Oh no we're missing The Price Is Right, Hermione!" cried Ron.
"Crap crap crap crap crap! I wish I could remember what I had to warn Harry about!" Hermione smacked herself in the head with ARP a couple of times.
The three old friends stopped in front of the door labeled '348' in gold plated numbers. The Price Is Right theme song was pulsating from the room behind it.
"O.K. Harry, this is your room. but if my memory serves me right, you have to share it with someone."
"Well that's fine. I guess. Who do I have to share it with?" asked Harry.
"That's what I can't seem to remember, but I do remember that it isn't good."
"When you get settled Harry, can you invite us over to watch The Price Is Right." pleaded Ron.
"Ron, that's not the point, I need to remember who resides in this here room." said a frustrated Hermione.
"Isn'it ummmm. uhhhhh.(snore)." Ron drifted to sleep.
"OH MY DEAR LORD VOLDEMORT'S UNCLE!"
"What, what is it, WHO is it, Hermione!" Harry wanted to strangle the words out of her, if only his arthritis would permit him to do so.
"The person you have to share a room with is. is. is."
"IS WHO!"
"Draco Malfoy." Hermione looked down at the polished floor.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the horrified Harry.
Suddenly, the door burst open. A bald, skinny elderly man mounted on a fancy hover scooter appeared in the doorway.
"Why is there so much damn racket out here. Damn hooligans. Holy shit."
Draco and Harry's eyes met. The stared at each other with an intense loathing for 5 long minutes.
"Well now. I guess you two are roomies then. Toodles Harry, I have to go put Ron to bed."
"No please don't leave me." Before Harry knew it, Hermione and Ron disappeared into their room next door.
Draco and Harry's eyes met once again.
"You listen to me Potter. I'm going to HATE every second of this just as much as you are so." Draco's gaze fell to the floor, "lets just get this whole ordeal over with. I guess you'll want to come in. their about to spin the wheel."
THE END OF PART 2
COMING UP NEXT IN PART 3:
Well. I don't quite know yet. but it be spankingly good when it gets here!
PART 2: THE UNEXPECTED ROOMIE FROM HELL
"O.k., the door on your right leads to the kitchen, where all your meals are made. And to your left is the dining area, that's where you eat."
"That's pretty self explanatory," said Harry, grinning at Nurse Candi.
"The next door on your right leads to the meeting hall, that's usually where the tenants like to have parties and special gatherings."
By this time, Ron had fallen back to sleep again. Hermione, who looked like she was about to drift off to dreamland herself, still continued to push Ron's rusty wheelchair down the white tiled hallway. Soon the narrow hallway opened up into a large, inviting looking room.
"This is the recreation room, where many of the seniors spend most of their time. As you can see, we have many, easy to use, muggle devices to keep yourself busy with." Nurse Candi explained.
Harry saw that the room had a fairly big sized television set, a fooze ball table, and a tiny, outdated computer. There were probably a lot more interesting toys to play with, but, Harry had great difficulties seeing them, because he just then realized that he misplaced his glasses.
"Ah drat! I've just lost my glasses! Do any of you know where I --- RON!" Everyone turned to see the sleeping Ron wearing Harry's spectacles.
*WHAP* "RON! Why the HELL are you wearing Harry's glasses!" screamed Hermione, smacking Ron with a 5 ft. bamboo stick with the name 'ARP' written on it with black Sharpie.
"Dear Lord, Hermione, you don't need to KILL him!" Harry yelled at her, snatching his glasses.
"Well, that's the only way I can get through to him anymore!" said Hermione defensively, still clutching her husband beating device.
Now Ron was in a serious state of shock, for his eyes were wide open and he was panting like a Panda bear on a hot summers day.
"Stupid glasses have been disappearing a lot lately," sighed Harry, "they've just been popping up in strange places."
"Maybe it's a sign from." Hermione's voice was now a monsterous litte whisper, "from. Voldemort." Nurse Candi gve a high pitched squeal, stumbled backwards, and fell into Ron's lap.
"Get out of my husband's wheelchair ridden lap you little HUSSY!" Hermione took her bamboo stick (ARP) and started to swing it wildly at Nurse Candi, nearly missing Ron by mere centimeters.
"Nah. I doubt it's Voldemort. I think my glasses are just possessed, or something like that."
Now Nurse Candi was lying in a heap on the floor. Her supermodel body was bruised and bloody.
"She was askin' for it," said a satisfied Hermione, "lets just go on the rest of the tour without her." Hermione pushed the still hyperventilating Ron right over the beaten mess formerly known as Nurse Candi.
The trio made their way across the recreation room, and entered another long, white hallway. Harry noticed that the walls had wooden railings attached to them that stopped abruptly when there was an opening, then continued again.
"My this place is really fit for the elderly."
"Oh yes, it's a very splendid place to live, Harry, you'll like it," Hermione said, smirking happily, "but there's just something important I keep forgetting to tell you. but don't worry, I'll remember. eventually."
Ron grunted in a sarcastic manner. He appeared much calmer than he was before. They turned a corner that led into a dreary hallway. There was a sign posted on the wall that read 'Psycho Ward'.
"This is where all the loonies are stored," said Ron, returning back to a 'stable' condition.
They passed a heavy metal, padlocked door with a curtained window on the wall next to it.
"Harry, Harry, you absolutely have to see this!" said an urgent Ron, who excitedly tugged back the curtain, exposing the room within.
It was a high celinged, white padded room. The lights in it were blinding, Harry had to squint to make out the contents. There were many cans of what seemed to be pineapples sprawled throughout the room, and there were also pineapples tied with fishing line attached to the ceiling. They swayed back and forth in a rhythmic fashion.
"Look over there in the corner!" Ron giggled. Harry was simply shocked by the sight he saw.
Sitting in the corner, there was a decrepit old man in a straight jacket. He appeared to be sleeping, his gray, greasy, matted hair covered most of his wrinkled, droopy face. In his mouth, situated between his rotted teeth was a sticky looking can opener.
"That. that's not who I think it is. is it?" stuttered Harry in disbelief. R on was now laughing hysterically.
"Yes Harry. that," Hermione pointed, "that is our dear, old Professor Snape."
"Oh Dear Great Merlin! He has to be over 100 years old!"
"121 to be exact," corrected Hermione.
"But. what's with the pineapples?"
"Well, they supposedly give him some kind of super human stimulation. Those pineapples are what has kept him alive for so long."
"Why do you say he's 'super human'?" questioned Harry.
"He can perform physical feats other normal 121 year olds can't."
"Like what? What do you mean?"
At this time, Ron was laughing like a rabid hyena on steroids. In fact, Ron was laughing so hard he tipped his wheelchair and landed with a crash.
"Ahhh My Back! My Back!" screamed Ron in sheer agony.
"Ronnie!" Hermione fell to her knees and was trying to scoop Ron back into his chair.
Harry tried to assist them, but his bad arthritis didn't allow him. Instead, he looked back at the sleeping Snape, well at least he was sleeping. Snape was staring right at him. His puffy, blood shot eyes gazed at Harry intently.
"Uhhh. Hermione."
"Yes.what.is it.Harry?" asked an out of breath Hermione, situating Ron back in his wheelchair.
"Look at Snape."
Both Ron and Hermione directed their attentions toward the senior in the straight jacket. At that exact moment, Snape decided to strike. He lunged forward to the window at an alarming speed, and slammed his 'in desperate need of Botox', wrinkled face against the glass. Harry snatched the curtain and yanked it shut.
"You see," said Hermione, breathing deeply, "what the power of pineapples make him do!"
The trio backed into the adjacent wall facing the window with fear.
"And the really scary thing is that he escapes sometimes during the night."
"Yeah, and he'll crawl around in the air ducts and look through the vents at you while your sleeping." told Ron.
They fell silent. They could hear Snape making noises and scratching the window with his can opener.
"Poor git can't even speak proper English anymore." Ron said sympathetically.
Snape made noises that sounded like the ones made by monsters. One of his phrases sounded like this.
"JIBBY JIBBY JEWW JAWLL GAAH NAR YEEH NUHR!"
.many words like this where screeched from inside the room.
"Hermione dear, I wanna go home!" whined Ron.
"Alright, alright Ron, let's head back now."
They soon found themselves in yet another brightly lit hallway with many wooden doors. Off in the distance, they could hear a faint voice that sounded like Bob Barkers.
"My Jeebus! Who is playing their TV so loud?" questioned Harry.
"Oh no we're missing The Price Is Right, Hermione!" cried Ron.
"Crap crap crap crap crap! I wish I could remember what I had to warn Harry about!" Hermione smacked herself in the head with ARP a couple of times.
The three old friends stopped in front of the door labeled '348' in gold plated numbers. The Price Is Right theme song was pulsating from the room behind it.
"O.K. Harry, this is your room. but if my memory serves me right, you have to share it with someone."
"Well that's fine. I guess. Who do I have to share it with?" asked Harry.
"That's what I can't seem to remember, but I do remember that it isn't good."
"When you get settled Harry, can you invite us over to watch The Price Is Right." pleaded Ron.
"Ron, that's not the point, I need to remember who resides in this here room." said a frustrated Hermione.
"Isn'it ummmm. uhhhhh.(snore)." Ron drifted to sleep.
"OH MY DEAR LORD VOLDEMORT'S UNCLE!"
"What, what is it, WHO is it, Hermione!" Harry wanted to strangle the words out of her, if only his arthritis would permit him to do so.
"The person you have to share a room with is. is. is."
"IS WHO!"
"Draco Malfoy." Hermione looked down at the polished floor.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the horrified Harry.
Suddenly, the door burst open. A bald, skinny elderly man mounted on a fancy hover scooter appeared in the doorway.
"Why is there so much damn racket out here. Damn hooligans. Holy shit."
Draco and Harry's eyes met. The stared at each other with an intense loathing for 5 long minutes.
"Well now. I guess you two are roomies then. Toodles Harry, I have to go put Ron to bed."
"No please don't leave me." Before Harry knew it, Hermione and Ron disappeared into their room next door.
Draco and Harry's eyes met once again.
"You listen to me Potter. I'm going to HATE every second of this just as much as you are so." Draco's gaze fell to the floor, "lets just get this whole ordeal over with. I guess you'll want to come in. their about to spin the wheel."
THE END OF PART 2
COMING UP NEXT IN PART 3:
Well. I don't quite know yet. but it be spankingly good when it gets here!