Privilege
by Bast
Law & Order is the property of Dick Wolf. I don't make a dime off it.
Rodgers POV
12:30 a.m.
I watch you sleep. Your forehead creases in dream stress, your mouth pouts.
Your hair caresses the line of your jaw. Each breath you take moves the sheet at
your breast causing it to tremble. A siren goes by. It rouses you for a moment
and you nearly wake. Then you whimper, turn to your side, and bring your thumb to
your lips. I almost laugh. If the D.A.'s of Hogan Place could see you now.
3 a.m.
Sleep eludes me. I think of our conversation last night. I think of the
picture album. Scenes of Serena. You as a baby. You on the private school
soccer team. You winning the equestrian trophy on your very own horse. How
different our lives have been. I played in the streets, went to public school,
was lucky to have a dog. Daddy paid for your education. I took out loans
and went for scholarships. Sometimes I think I resent you. But how can you
resent someone you love? I watch you sleep.
4:15 a.m.
The moon is full and in clear view from the window. I have twelve autopsies
today--I need to sleep. Instead, I think about us. How fortunate for me that
you sought me out. At my age it's rare to have any lover, to say nothing of
one so beautiful. I wonder: What do you want? What do I want? I watch you
sleep.
5:05 a.m.
The darkness is fading to gray. You mumble something, then reach out for me.
I draw you close. Your breath is warm against my neck. I think about the morgue
and the bodies I will see in a few short hours. Why do I think of that now--
with you warm and alive beside me? I shake my head to clear my thoughts, and
I see your image from the picture album. Homecoming Queen. Most Likely to
Succeed. Graduating magna cum laude. Success seemed guaranteed to you from
birth. Mine was always a question. But I made it. Against the odds I made
it. I want to shake you awake and tell you this. Instead, I watch you sleep.
7 a.m.
The alarm clock rings. I reach to silence it. My arm is numb from
holding you. You yawn and smile at me, kiss me on the cheek. The harsh
morning light does nothing to diminish your beauty. I touch your face--
the so smooth skin. You rise from the bed to begin your day and I watch
you. What a privilege...to watch you.
by Bast
Law & Order is the property of Dick Wolf. I don't make a dime off it.
Rodgers POV
12:30 a.m.
I watch you sleep. Your forehead creases in dream stress, your mouth pouts.
Your hair caresses the line of your jaw. Each breath you take moves the sheet at
your breast causing it to tremble. A siren goes by. It rouses you for a moment
and you nearly wake. Then you whimper, turn to your side, and bring your thumb to
your lips. I almost laugh. If the D.A.'s of Hogan Place could see you now.
3 a.m.
Sleep eludes me. I think of our conversation last night. I think of the
picture album. Scenes of Serena. You as a baby. You on the private school
soccer team. You winning the equestrian trophy on your very own horse. How
different our lives have been. I played in the streets, went to public school,
was lucky to have a dog. Daddy paid for your education. I took out loans
and went for scholarships. Sometimes I think I resent you. But how can you
resent someone you love? I watch you sleep.
4:15 a.m.
The moon is full and in clear view from the window. I have twelve autopsies
today--I need to sleep. Instead, I think about us. How fortunate for me that
you sought me out. At my age it's rare to have any lover, to say nothing of
one so beautiful. I wonder: What do you want? What do I want? I watch you
sleep.
5:05 a.m.
The darkness is fading to gray. You mumble something, then reach out for me.
I draw you close. Your breath is warm against my neck. I think about the morgue
and the bodies I will see in a few short hours. Why do I think of that now--
with you warm and alive beside me? I shake my head to clear my thoughts, and
I see your image from the picture album. Homecoming Queen. Most Likely to
Succeed. Graduating magna cum laude. Success seemed guaranteed to you from
birth. Mine was always a question. But I made it. Against the odds I made
it. I want to shake you awake and tell you this. Instead, I watch you sleep.
7 a.m.
The alarm clock rings. I reach to silence it. My arm is numb from
holding you. You yawn and smile at me, kiss me on the cheek. The harsh
morning light does nothing to diminish your beauty. I touch your face--
the so smooth skin. You rise from the bed to begin your day and I watch
you. What a privilege...to watch you.