Chapter Twenty Two - Sleepless
The laughing. The faces. He could see them now as clearly as he could see them then only their faces were more twisted, contorted into leering demons. His body ached; remembering previously inflicted pain, wounds that would never truly heal.
"Where's you're boyfriend now, runt?"
He reached his arm across and found nothing; that he was clawing at nothing but his bed sheets. Gan Ning sat up hastily, his breathing fast and shallow and his whole body bathed in cold sweat. Of course there was nothing there, Sun Ce wasn't there, but it was his instinct and every time he reached over and found nothing it made him feel emptier and emptier.
How many times had he woken up tonight already? Five, he'd woken up at least five times now.
He pressed his head into the palm of his hand and noticed belatedly that he was shaking. God, why couldn't he just deal with it? Why did he have to drag out this depression? It had been roughly a month since he'd stopped speaking to Sun Ce and instead of giving him space it just made him need Sun Ce more. He had the faintest hope that he'd just wake up and he'd be there, even if it only happened once, just once would be enough.
Gan Ning stood up and tossed the mangled sheets back onto the bed before getting up and sat on a chair. He'd left all the candle lights lit in his quarters since he'd grown to hate the darkness and cursed himself repeatedly for acting so childish. He thought he'd grown out of stuff like that years ago...god, how he wished he was not like that. Before he knew it he was heading towards Xiao Qiao's room.
Gan Ning knocked on the door of her room.
"Who is it?" came a tired voice, which was followed by a loud, drawn out yawn.
"Uh..."
"Gan Ning? Is that you?"
"...Yeah..."
"Humm..." Xiao Qiao murmured, and Gan Ning could hear her stretching out, her blankets rustling, she got up and opened the door.
"What's wrong Gan Ning? Can't sleep again?"
"Yeah...God, what's wrong with me Xiao? Why is this still eating me up?" he said sounding angry with himself.
"There's nothing wrong with you" she replied sounding a lot more awake, "You've been through a *lot* Gan Ning. I'm sure as hell I couldn't cope."
"I guess..."
"Seriously, you're *such* a strong person, but if you ever need a little reassurance then I'm here, right?"
"Thank you" Gan Ning said gratefully, a faint smile on his face.
"Sure, what are friends for eh?"
"Yeah..."
"Anything you wanna talk about?"
"Well..." he searched through his mind. Where to start? There was so much he was keeping inside already that it was hard to know what to let out, "I...I miss Sun Ce..."
"...Yeah, I know you do."
"God! I miss him so much it fucking *hurts* Xiao Qiao." He said just noticing that his eyes were welling up as he spoke, "I *need* him."
"Gan Ning, you don't *need* him, you *miss* him. I do reckon that you should talk to him though, it would help I'm sure."
"Really?"
"Yeah, why don't you go and visit him? I'll-" she yawned loudly before continuing, "-help you organise it in the morning hmm?"
"Yeah...thanks Xiao Qiao, I'm sorry for waking you up."
"S'fine sweetie. I'm glad I could help."
"Thanks, you did. Goodnight."
"Night sweetie." She said, her voice sleepy again.
He walked out of the room slowly. It actually *had* helped him to talk to Xiao Qiao, even though he would have doubted it. He went back into his room and watched the flickering candle lights until he eventually drifted off.
The laughing. The faces. He could see them now as clearly as he could see them then only their faces were more twisted, contorted into leering demons. His body ached; remembering previously inflicted pain, wounds that would never truly heal.
"Where's you're boyfriend now, runt?"
He reached his arm across and found nothing; that he was clawing at nothing but his bed sheets. Gan Ning sat up hastily, his breathing fast and shallow and his whole body bathed in cold sweat. Of course there was nothing there, Sun Ce wasn't there, but it was his instinct and every time he reached over and found nothing it made him feel emptier and emptier.
How many times had he woken up tonight already? Five, he'd woken up at least five times now.
He pressed his head into the palm of his hand and noticed belatedly that he was shaking. God, why couldn't he just deal with it? Why did he have to drag out this depression? It had been roughly a month since he'd stopped speaking to Sun Ce and instead of giving him space it just made him need Sun Ce more. He had the faintest hope that he'd just wake up and he'd be there, even if it only happened once, just once would be enough.
Gan Ning stood up and tossed the mangled sheets back onto the bed before getting up and sat on a chair. He'd left all the candle lights lit in his quarters since he'd grown to hate the darkness and cursed himself repeatedly for acting so childish. He thought he'd grown out of stuff like that years ago...god, how he wished he was not like that. Before he knew it he was heading towards Xiao Qiao's room.
Gan Ning knocked on the door of her room.
"Who is it?" came a tired voice, which was followed by a loud, drawn out yawn.
"Uh..."
"Gan Ning? Is that you?"
"...Yeah..."
"Humm..." Xiao Qiao murmured, and Gan Ning could hear her stretching out, her blankets rustling, she got up and opened the door.
"What's wrong Gan Ning? Can't sleep again?"
"Yeah...God, what's wrong with me Xiao? Why is this still eating me up?" he said sounding angry with himself.
"There's nothing wrong with you" she replied sounding a lot more awake, "You've been through a *lot* Gan Ning. I'm sure as hell I couldn't cope."
"I guess..."
"Seriously, you're *such* a strong person, but if you ever need a little reassurance then I'm here, right?"
"Thank you" Gan Ning said gratefully, a faint smile on his face.
"Sure, what are friends for eh?"
"Yeah..."
"Anything you wanna talk about?"
"Well..." he searched through his mind. Where to start? There was so much he was keeping inside already that it was hard to know what to let out, "I...I miss Sun Ce..."
"...Yeah, I know you do."
"God! I miss him so much it fucking *hurts* Xiao Qiao." He said just noticing that his eyes were welling up as he spoke, "I *need* him."
"Gan Ning, you don't *need* him, you *miss* him. I do reckon that you should talk to him though, it would help I'm sure."
"Really?"
"Yeah, why don't you go and visit him? I'll-" she yawned loudly before continuing, "-help you organise it in the morning hmm?"
"Yeah...thanks Xiao Qiao, I'm sorry for waking you up."
"S'fine sweetie. I'm glad I could help."
"Thanks, you did. Goodnight."
"Night sweetie." She said, her voice sleepy again.
He walked out of the room slowly. It actually *had* helped him to talk to Xiao Qiao, even though he would have doubted it. He went back into his room and watched the flickering candle lights until he eventually drifted off.