Chapter Twenty Six - His Tattooed Angel
White.
His whole body felt numb, as if he hadn't moved, as if time itself had sped up and he'd been left behind in his own little bubble.
Was he dead? He couldn't be sure, but he hadn't felt like this before, hadn't felt so free, at liberty from the world he knew.
All too soon this feeling of tranquillity was gone and he felt heavier, aware of the rough material of the pillow against his cheek.
"He's waking up..."
Dejá vu.
He knew that voice. It was a warm, soft voice with a feminine tone. He didn't think he'd ever hear her voice again.
He opened his eyes a little and felt a hand on his own, Xiao Qiao looking down at him. Unshed tears made her eyes glassy and she smiled, although it didn't extend to the rest of her face.
It was then that he realised he was back in the infirmary, just like before, and the events of the last few months became all too real again. He closed his eyes again, shutting out the vision.
"Gan Ning...god, Gan Ning. I'm so sorry for shouting at you before, I didn't-"
She was silenced by Gan Ning, who simply squeezed Xiao Qiao's hand softly. He didn't open his eyes but he could hear Xiao Qiao sniffling. There were so many things Gan Ning wanted to ask and forget at the same time.
Gan Ning coughed before talking "When did you find me?"
Xiao Qiao cleared her throat before replying. "I came to see if you were okay and you left your door unlocked...why did you do it Gan Ning? Why?"
Gan Ning turned his head away from her, screwing his eyes tighter shut.
Xiao Qiao had been the one to find him, laying unconscious on his bed, blood over the sheets and an empty wine bottle lying uselessly on the floor. She was the one who had found the note. She was the one who had watched as he had been taken down to the infirmary. She was the one who had been by his side while various medics tried to revive him and she was the one who had sat by his bedside for the past two days. Although she didn't know how, she was somehow to blame for it all...if only she hadn't shouted, maybe he wouldn't have done it. But she knew better than anyone else that Gan Ning was not suicidal.
"Guess what?" she said, trying to lighten her voice a little, "There's someone here to see you."
Gan Ning opened his eyes and there in the doorway was Sun Ce a pleading look on his face.
"He came to see you and I-I told him what happened...what happened before. In town that night."
Gan Ning shot her a horrified look.
"I had to Gan Ning, I thought he should know."
"Why didn't you just let me die?" He whispered back, turning away from the sight. This was not the reaction Xiao Qiao had hoped for.
"Please don't say that Gan Ning...please..."
He felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Sun Ce leaning over him.
"Gan Ning...I-"
"Get away from me." Gan Ning said coldly, flinching away from Sun Ce's touch.
Xiao Qiao watched, confused. What had happened on that visit to make him react in such a way?
"Please Gan Ning, don't be like this..."
"Don't be like this?" Gan Ning asked, his eyes narrowing, "After what you've done you think I'd welcome you here with open arms? Get the fuck out."
He felt so angry right now, so used up and useless. He sat up slowly, stepping out of bed and glaring angrily at the scarred blond who he'd loved so much that it hurt.
"It was a mistake Gan Ning, I didn't think-"
"-A mistake?" Gan Ning asked in disbelief, all the emotion he'd try to kill welling up inside him, "So you thought you'd accidentally go and fuck someone else?! I trusted you, I-I *needed* you and you weren't there, and then I find you...find you like that." his voice started to crack, "Get out."
Sun Ce reached out to touch Gan Ning's cheek but he pushed his hand away, tears forming in his eyes again.
"Get the fuck out!" he shouted, swaying slightly on his feet before slumping against Xiao Qiao, weak and exhausted.
"But Gan Ning!"
"You heard him, get out." Xiao Qiao said in a tone so unlike her, glaring at Sun Ce until he went, his eyes on Gan Ning the whole time as Xiao Qiao settled him back into bed.
So that was what had happened. After all Gan Ning had been through Xiao Qiao could finally understand, Sun Ce meant the world to him and he'd shunned him in the worst possible way. Gan Ning was asleep again in a matter of moments, his harsh words to Sun Ce over- exerting him. She sat there for a little while until Da Qiao came in to check up on him and Xiao Qiao excused herself from the room. When she looked down the hall outside she found herself face to face with Sun Ce.
"Let me inside, I need to talk to him." Sun Ce said bluntly, casting a fleeting look at Xiao Qiao before refocusing on the door.
"He's sleeping and even if he wasn't I wouldn't let you in there again, even if you are LORD Sun Ce. You have *no* idea what he's been through do you?" she said hotly, her eyebrows lowered in anger.
"I don't, not until I can speak to him, now get outta the way" he said shoving Xiao Qiao to the side but she reappeared, blocking his path once more.
"I'm not moving. You know what Sun Ce? You don't deserve him, he would've given anything for you and what have you shown for it? You don't give a fuck do you?"
"I care about Gan Ning more than you fucking know, so keep out of our business you stupid little slut." Sun Ce said vehemently, anger seeping into his expression.
Sun Ce did not expect the sharp sting across his cheek as Xiao Qiao slapped him hard across the face. She may have been much shorter than him but right now it didn't seem like such an advantage. He held his hand to his cheek, not sure of what to do.
"Gan Ning said you'd changed and I believed him, but I guess we were both wrong about you, Lord Sun Ce," she said punctuating each syllable of his name as if it were poisoned sugar, "we were very wrong. You and I both know that Gan Ning isn't the type to attempt suicide but something's driven him to it and I know who's to blame here." She looked him up and down, a disgusted look on her face; as if Sun Ce were the vilest thing she'd ever come across.
They stood there a moment, Xiao Qiao's eyes boring deep into Sun Ce's, his hand moving from his cheek to his waist slowly.
"I'm sorry Sun Ce. I think you should go." Xiao Qiao said quietly, "Go back to the East camp." and with that she turned and walked back into the infirmary, her step never faltering.
Sun Ce walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, his head in his hands. He wished that Xiao Qiao was wrong but he knew that every word she'd spoken was true. Gan Ning *wasn't* the type to do something like this...the Gan Ning he knew was so full of life and so happy but the one he'd seen today made him feel such hatred toward himself. He hadn't known about the incident in town till recently, at least that was one thing that he hadn't done...but it didn't make him feel any better about himself. Gan Ning was right, he wasn't there when he needed him and Gan Ning didn't deserve to suffer like that. Before he had thought that he'd lost him even though he hadn't but now he was sure that it was over. What would he have done if Gan Ning *had* died? He didn't know, but he reckoned that he would've joined him shortly afterwards.
He'd travelled down to the main camp on the very same day Gan Ning had come to see him and despite his objections Zhou Yu had travelled with him, telling people at the East camp that they needed a break for "personal reasons", not that Sun Ce didn't appreciate having someone to talk to. Zhou Yu didn't seem to mind Sun Ce's decision to pursue Gan Ning as he had thought but offered help instead, and Sun Ce needed all the help he could get. Sun Ce had opted to see Gan Ning alone...but he didn't expect to find him like that, paler than death and as cold as stone. So very cold.
He'd been in and out of the small room where Gan Ning rests as often as he was allowed by Da Qiao and had spoken to Xiao Qiao a bit, who had practically never left his side...but now she knew. She knew what he'd done and she wasn't going to let him forget it.
Sun Ce knew that he wasn't going to be welcomed back in to see Gan Ning and sighed, standing up wearily before retreating slowly back down the hall, retracing his steps. He'd get through to Gan Ning eventually, he just *had* to. What would he be without him?
He left for his room, seeking the sanctuary of his bed, away from accusing eyes...but away from his tattooed angel. If only he'd paid more attention, if only he'd been there...
There was no use dwelling in the past so Sun Ce carried on walking, thinking through his future and how he could fit Gan Ning back into it.
White.
His whole body felt numb, as if he hadn't moved, as if time itself had sped up and he'd been left behind in his own little bubble.
Was he dead? He couldn't be sure, but he hadn't felt like this before, hadn't felt so free, at liberty from the world he knew.
All too soon this feeling of tranquillity was gone and he felt heavier, aware of the rough material of the pillow against his cheek.
"He's waking up..."
Dejá vu.
He knew that voice. It was a warm, soft voice with a feminine tone. He didn't think he'd ever hear her voice again.
He opened his eyes a little and felt a hand on his own, Xiao Qiao looking down at him. Unshed tears made her eyes glassy and she smiled, although it didn't extend to the rest of her face.
It was then that he realised he was back in the infirmary, just like before, and the events of the last few months became all too real again. He closed his eyes again, shutting out the vision.
"Gan Ning...god, Gan Ning. I'm so sorry for shouting at you before, I didn't-"
She was silenced by Gan Ning, who simply squeezed Xiao Qiao's hand softly. He didn't open his eyes but he could hear Xiao Qiao sniffling. There were so many things Gan Ning wanted to ask and forget at the same time.
Gan Ning coughed before talking "When did you find me?"
Xiao Qiao cleared her throat before replying. "I came to see if you were okay and you left your door unlocked...why did you do it Gan Ning? Why?"
Gan Ning turned his head away from her, screwing his eyes tighter shut.
Xiao Qiao had been the one to find him, laying unconscious on his bed, blood over the sheets and an empty wine bottle lying uselessly on the floor. She was the one who had found the note. She was the one who had watched as he had been taken down to the infirmary. She was the one who had been by his side while various medics tried to revive him and she was the one who had sat by his bedside for the past two days. Although she didn't know how, she was somehow to blame for it all...if only she hadn't shouted, maybe he wouldn't have done it. But she knew better than anyone else that Gan Ning was not suicidal.
"Guess what?" she said, trying to lighten her voice a little, "There's someone here to see you."
Gan Ning opened his eyes and there in the doorway was Sun Ce a pleading look on his face.
"He came to see you and I-I told him what happened...what happened before. In town that night."
Gan Ning shot her a horrified look.
"I had to Gan Ning, I thought he should know."
"Why didn't you just let me die?" He whispered back, turning away from the sight. This was not the reaction Xiao Qiao had hoped for.
"Please don't say that Gan Ning...please..."
He felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Sun Ce leaning over him.
"Gan Ning...I-"
"Get away from me." Gan Ning said coldly, flinching away from Sun Ce's touch.
Xiao Qiao watched, confused. What had happened on that visit to make him react in such a way?
"Please Gan Ning, don't be like this..."
"Don't be like this?" Gan Ning asked, his eyes narrowing, "After what you've done you think I'd welcome you here with open arms? Get the fuck out."
He felt so angry right now, so used up and useless. He sat up slowly, stepping out of bed and glaring angrily at the scarred blond who he'd loved so much that it hurt.
"It was a mistake Gan Ning, I didn't think-"
"-A mistake?" Gan Ning asked in disbelief, all the emotion he'd try to kill welling up inside him, "So you thought you'd accidentally go and fuck someone else?! I trusted you, I-I *needed* you and you weren't there, and then I find you...find you like that." his voice started to crack, "Get out."
Sun Ce reached out to touch Gan Ning's cheek but he pushed his hand away, tears forming in his eyes again.
"Get the fuck out!" he shouted, swaying slightly on his feet before slumping against Xiao Qiao, weak and exhausted.
"But Gan Ning!"
"You heard him, get out." Xiao Qiao said in a tone so unlike her, glaring at Sun Ce until he went, his eyes on Gan Ning the whole time as Xiao Qiao settled him back into bed.
So that was what had happened. After all Gan Ning had been through Xiao Qiao could finally understand, Sun Ce meant the world to him and he'd shunned him in the worst possible way. Gan Ning was asleep again in a matter of moments, his harsh words to Sun Ce over- exerting him. She sat there for a little while until Da Qiao came in to check up on him and Xiao Qiao excused herself from the room. When she looked down the hall outside she found herself face to face with Sun Ce.
"Let me inside, I need to talk to him." Sun Ce said bluntly, casting a fleeting look at Xiao Qiao before refocusing on the door.
"He's sleeping and even if he wasn't I wouldn't let you in there again, even if you are LORD Sun Ce. You have *no* idea what he's been through do you?" she said hotly, her eyebrows lowered in anger.
"I don't, not until I can speak to him, now get outta the way" he said shoving Xiao Qiao to the side but she reappeared, blocking his path once more.
"I'm not moving. You know what Sun Ce? You don't deserve him, he would've given anything for you and what have you shown for it? You don't give a fuck do you?"
"I care about Gan Ning more than you fucking know, so keep out of our business you stupid little slut." Sun Ce said vehemently, anger seeping into his expression.
Sun Ce did not expect the sharp sting across his cheek as Xiao Qiao slapped him hard across the face. She may have been much shorter than him but right now it didn't seem like such an advantage. He held his hand to his cheek, not sure of what to do.
"Gan Ning said you'd changed and I believed him, but I guess we were both wrong about you, Lord Sun Ce," she said punctuating each syllable of his name as if it were poisoned sugar, "we were very wrong. You and I both know that Gan Ning isn't the type to attempt suicide but something's driven him to it and I know who's to blame here." She looked him up and down, a disgusted look on her face; as if Sun Ce were the vilest thing she'd ever come across.
They stood there a moment, Xiao Qiao's eyes boring deep into Sun Ce's, his hand moving from his cheek to his waist slowly.
"I'm sorry Sun Ce. I think you should go." Xiao Qiao said quietly, "Go back to the East camp." and with that she turned and walked back into the infirmary, her step never faltering.
Sun Ce walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, his head in his hands. He wished that Xiao Qiao was wrong but he knew that every word she'd spoken was true. Gan Ning *wasn't* the type to do something like this...the Gan Ning he knew was so full of life and so happy but the one he'd seen today made him feel such hatred toward himself. He hadn't known about the incident in town till recently, at least that was one thing that he hadn't done...but it didn't make him feel any better about himself. Gan Ning was right, he wasn't there when he needed him and Gan Ning didn't deserve to suffer like that. Before he had thought that he'd lost him even though he hadn't but now he was sure that it was over. What would he have done if Gan Ning *had* died? He didn't know, but he reckoned that he would've joined him shortly afterwards.
He'd travelled down to the main camp on the very same day Gan Ning had come to see him and despite his objections Zhou Yu had travelled with him, telling people at the East camp that they needed a break for "personal reasons", not that Sun Ce didn't appreciate having someone to talk to. Zhou Yu didn't seem to mind Sun Ce's decision to pursue Gan Ning as he had thought but offered help instead, and Sun Ce needed all the help he could get. Sun Ce had opted to see Gan Ning alone...but he didn't expect to find him like that, paler than death and as cold as stone. So very cold.
He'd been in and out of the small room where Gan Ning rests as often as he was allowed by Da Qiao and had spoken to Xiao Qiao a bit, who had practically never left his side...but now she knew. She knew what he'd done and she wasn't going to let him forget it.
Sun Ce knew that he wasn't going to be welcomed back in to see Gan Ning and sighed, standing up wearily before retreating slowly back down the hall, retracing his steps. He'd get through to Gan Ning eventually, he just *had* to. What would he be without him?
He left for his room, seeking the sanctuary of his bed, away from accusing eyes...but away from his tattooed angel. If only he'd paid more attention, if only he'd been there...
There was no use dwelling in the past so Sun Ce carried on walking, thinking through his future and how he could fit Gan Ning back into it.