Tittle : The Story Of Us
Author : Faith
Dedication : For everyone for the wonderful feedback, thank you soooooo much!!!!
For Jewel, I know...I still owe you one...;D
Disclaimer : Nope...not mine....sorry...!!! ;D
Okay, I hope you will enjoy this...happy reading and please FEEDBACK????? I love them, TRUST ME!!! :D
Part three
" Miss Lindsay, someone's here for you."
Lindsay looks up from the book she's reading, sitting with the stamps of pillow to support her. Lately, she's been spending most of her time alone, needing space from everyone, becoming someone, so different than she used to, not the witty, enjoying life immensely Lindsay, but to the sedate, serious Lindsay. Putting her times in her study and school, retracting from school activities she so used to join, unless it's important for her application letter to college. Her hockey team is one of them, one of the least activities she still join and enjoy.
" Who is it?"
" I'm sorry, Miss, she didn't tell me her name."
" Okay...Thanks, Anne, I'll be down in a minute."
" She's waiting in the living room. Excuse me, Miss"
Lindsay nods and looks at her maid, leaving her room, but not before bending down a little in a polite manner. Wondering who visits her. She puts down her book, and walks down the hall. Not a lot of her friend like to visit her here, mostly because they are reluctant to face all the manner and politeness here, or they are just too shy or afraid, thinking that she's just a rich snob, who doesn't want to get involved with people.
Lindsay doesn't have a lot of friend. It seems like being rich, smart, and beautiful all at once, is not a guarantee of having a lot of good friend. Most of her friend befriended her either because of her wealth, her brain or her looks, not a lot that look at her as just Lindsay. The Lindsay that has also a lot of quirks and weaknesses, and sometimes just wants to be herself too, and not just this perfect girl everyone thinks she is.
That's one of the reasons why her relationship with Bobby was something she really appreciate and thankful for. On those short time they had shared together, he had showed her that she is precious enough to be loved, that she, can gain someone's love and affection. That not all people just think of her like a Barbie doll, in a fantasy world, not always treating her like glass, caving to all her needs and wants, that she's real..and she's human. Appreciate, respect, and most of all love her for who she really is, behind all those attributes and masks. Loving her for who she is inside. How she missed those time.
Lindsay's tendency of being closed off, and her stubborness has caused some of the friendships that she has had in the past comes to end. Her fear of relationship, of love has caused her even more lost friends.
Some guys that once become an important part of her life, sharing their days with her under the terms friendship, drifted apart when they somehow show signs of something more than platonic love. A young woman, too afraid to fall, too fragile to let herself be in love, closing off her heart, not wanting people to get in, waiting for the one man who will finally break through.
She's so afraid to let people in to her life, having the experience of loosing them. The death of some people she holds so dearly in her hearts, makes her know how hard it is to loose someone you really care about. Making her understand as well Bobby's pain in loosing his mother. Watching, as life slowly fades away from your loved one...slowly...painfully...
Also the heartache she once had of being betrayed by someone she so believe was her bestfriend, not long ago, having her saying all the things that even until now, still stings at her heart. Hearing her saying how she's so sick of being compared to her, and how she always lost. How each day she has to face the reality that everybody loves Lindsay more, how in every field, every thing they do, she aways be number two, How their friendship...the only friendship Lindsay cares for so deeply...drift apart...Having her stolen the one person, she thought was her love, and her bestfriend too, feeling like being stab in the back, though finally she realised he's not 'the one'...
And the painful things with her parents, when out of the blue, they told her they want to get a divorce... When her father, someone she so respects, so loves, and so close to, left the house, making her feels like she was left, alone, frighteningly alone... Asking almost everyday, what she had done wrong, to cause him to go away, thinking it was partly her fault... She was so hurt, and again... betrayed... the only security she had at that momment, the only thing she's sure would last through everything.... had come to an end...
Her already fragile belief in love, relationship, and commitment, her love of life and what it offers, was at all time low...
But when she met Bobby, she knows she finally find that person, she found 'the one'. Being with him, proves to her, there's nothing to be afraid of. She can be herself, she's sure of herself, and more over, she's sure of Bobby and their feeling.
So she let herself to feel real love with Bobby, basks in the happiness, enjoying everytime with him, realising it was just useless to fight those feelings when they were too strong, and she let herself to fall...Though knowing one day it could end, once Bobby knew that she's been lying to him, there would be troubles on their way, but she had hoped that their love was stronger than that, that they would last through anything, she never thought that she'd be wrong...
Her doubts in love and relationship after her experience, were clouded by her feeling. She didn't do her usual tendency to run, everytime there's someone trying to approach, when someone's knocking the door of her heart, trying to be a part of her life...She let Bobby in, and she let him be apart of her life,...and how that backfired at her. How hurt and painful the separation. And the worst thing, she hurt Bobby too.
She still remember his face that night when he knew the truth, so clearly....his whole dejected demeanor...the pain so clearly shown on his face...how she wish she never seen those things....hoping to only see his smile and the eyes that's shines with happiness...those time when they were together and happy, nothing to really think about, only then and there...their feelings of being together and the miracle of sharing their love....How she misses those times, always remembering them, having them accompanying her everyhere she goes...
The woman stands up when Lindsay enters the room, and sits back when and only after being told to. Both of them studies each other while the maid asks what they want to drink.
" I'll have tea please, what about you....Ms..."
" Washington..Rebecca Washington....I'd love to have tea too."
" Nice to meet you Ms Washington..." Lindsay shakes her hand, trying to remember where she had heard that sounds to be so familiar name. " I'm sorry...but have we met somewhere...or..." She tilts her head to the side, quizzically.
" I'm Bobby's secretary." There were a long pause there. Lindsay is shocked, seeing her there, wondering the reason too. The maid comes with their drinks, breaking the silence, offering to drink, Lindsay takes a sip of her tea.
" He...he told me so much about you...but he called you Bec so..." Lindsay says after getting a hold of herself.
" He told me about you too."
Lindsay looks up to a smile. The woman seems nice and from what Bobby had told her, she IS very kind. Someone you can really trust. Her curly hair, cut in a short one, making her looks maturer, and more professional, and her formal outfit, she must have been just coming home from work. The smile forming in her lips, the warmth and comfort that that smile brings. Yes, she is a nice woman.
Rebecca also studies Lindsay, understanding the physical attraction in an instance. When she walks to the room. Her elegant way of bringing herself, when walking, sitting, talking, simply, every bit of her. Those deep blue eyes, her beautiful face, that wonderful golden brown hair, everything about her is just beautiful. She gets what it takes to make men bending on their knees.
She also recognizes the sadness in her eyes, behind al those smiles, knowing too another person also having the exact same thing.
" Oh....I see..."
" Actually that's one of the reason why I came here."
Lindsay looks up at her instantly.
" Did Bobby send you here?" Her heart skips a beat with the thought. She looks up hopefully.
Maybe he has changed his mind...how many times has she pictured those thoughts in her head...so many different scenarios...so many alternatives...picturing Bobby comes to see her, or phone her, or trying to contact her....picturing him saying he forgives her, he loves her, still, and that he wants to fight for a 'them' doesn't care what the world will think and that they will face whatever it is on their way, together...wanting so much for those to happen...having those thought so clearly visioned that she really felt those are real, only to have her hopes crashed when she found those are just in her dreams... purely her imagination... Waking up in the middle of the night, crying for the lost of one love she believe is her true love, her only real lov, knowing that love has come to an end...
" No." Bec sees her face falls after just being light up moments ago. Another reason to like this woman, to believe her love, and to understand everything.
" He...i talked to him, believe me i did...but Bobby..he..." A pause. " He has made up his mind..." Bec offers lamely.
She recalls all the times he has sit Bobby down, trying to get him to listen, how each times, comes in vain. Talking about Bobby being stubborn, nothing will get him to change. Seeing him coping in his own way, all on his own, each day, seeing those blue eyes clouded with sadness and despair, makes her doing all the talks.
" Yeah..." Lindsay whisphers.
Her mind goes back to a time, not too long ago, when she last met Bobby. A dinner she won't forget. How awkward that has been, how strange, how ... hard....
Thank God she had John with her that time, she wouldn't know how to survive otherwise. Her swirling emotions, all the pain, the heartache, the guilt. Her parents could have notice all the tension and emotions in the room if John hadn't been doing most of the talk, leading them all in small conversations. Sharing all his stories of life in college, and his youth years. She had stolen some glances to Bobby's way only to find out he had done the same, while adding his two cents in the conversation.
How then, quickly he would look away, not wanting to look in her directions again, how she wanted to cry right then and there, so hurt by his actions...he hadn't forgiven her...he hates her...
And their short time together afterwards, when she was forced 'not really literally' to show him the way out. The silence enveloping them, her plead of being forgiven, her saying sorry for she had lost count how many times, only to have him seeing her, with that eyes full of pain and hurt, and she had to move her eyes away, couldn't stand to see what she had caused.
How she reached out to his hand only to have it shoven away...the pain, the hurt of being rejected, but knowing too, he's entittled to do what he had done...she deserves all the pain... all the emotions...
So they were separated, not even decently saying goodbyes. She still remembers the tears pouring out from her as she stood outside of her house that night, alone, on that cold night, watching his car slowly fade away. Loosing all her hope of them to ever be together...
Bec seeing all the emotions playing in her face, giving her times to relish all those feelings. Knowing, she would come out on her own, when she's ready.
" What's your other reason?" Lindsay looks at Bec again, asks bluntly, her thoughts back to the present.
" I want to see and know you..." Bec smiles at her giving her comfort. Lindsay smiles in return, she really does like this woman.
" Why don't we take a walk, there is this beautiful place behind the house..."
Lindsay suggests to which Bec agrees. Bec follows Lindsay out of the living room, towards the back yard. They walk through a hall full of paintings and family pictures, some of those are of Lindsay's from all of her milestone...the happy smiling faces...They continue to walk side by side in silence, each still relishing the feeling...
" So what has Bobby told you..." Lindsay starts when they are sitted on a bench in the back garden.
" Pretty much everything."
" How is he?" Lindsay didn't even realize she has voiced the question, has been wanting to ask that question since the first time she knows who the woman is, surprised herself she had voiced that question out loud.
Rebecca looks at her, seeing concern, and she would have sworn, love there. Trying to find the answer...
" He's....he's rattled..." Bec continues. " You hurt him pretty badly." Despite the sound to be hurtful words, Bec doesn't have any bad intention in saying them. Only stating the truth both of them have known.
" I didn't mean to..." Lindsay shakes her head, a tear sliding her down her face as she imagine what Bobby's going through, how she had hurt him...
" I know, Lindsay, and you don't owe me any explanation...." A long pause. " I understand."
" You do?" Lindsay looks at her hopefully.
Bec sees the hopefull look, the expentant look, as if Lindsay's trying to find validation over her actions. As much as she thinks that what Lindsay did was morally wrong, how she always thinks a sixteen year old can not just have a relationship with older man, 10 years older, without her parents knowing, and even more so, without telling to the man her real self, but seeing her, knowing her more, understanding her position and situation, she can understand the reason behind all Lindsay's actions.
Furthermore, she respected her, a young girl, fighting for what she believes is her love, going through the length that she had been through. It took a lot of strength though it gains her and the man she loves a lot of heartache, but still she fought. People do stupid things when they're in love, she once told Bobby, how that true.
Rebecca looks deep into Lindsay's eyes, when she tells her the answer.
" Yes, I do....he's hurt, but i think he finally understand why you did that..."
" He told you that?" Lindsay's heart jumps hearing the expected words.
" Not in that exact words...but i have the impression he forgave you for everything that has happened...but to..." Bec can't continue her words, afraid that in doing so she would hurt Lindsay more. She knows full well Bobby has finally undertand and forgive Lindsay, even contemplating the idea of being together again. But all his fears, all his protective feelings hinder him. Thinking the best way is to let her go, he did just that. Not even attempting to meet her, or to talk it out, afraid that in doing so, he would change his mind.
" I understand..."
Lindsay looks away. She's a bit relieved knowing Bobby has understand. She was so afraid he won't. And how she wants him to understand and forgive her, simply because she wants the best for him. That would be the first step to heal. But she knows too, that for them to be together there would be even more thought that Bobby will put into. The way he always trying to protect her, to do the best for her, what he thinks the best anyway...if only he knows...the best for her is to be with him....
Lindsay shakes her head, urging those thoughts to go away, not realising a single tear sliding
down her face again until she hears Bec says.
" And I can see you're hurt too..." The compassionate side of her kicks in, seeing the pain in her eyes, the tear sliding down her face. " How do you holding up?"
Lindsay is a bit surprise with the question and even more so with the sincerity and the concern behind those words.
" I'm holding up....I...I'll be okay..."
She smiles a small smile, Bec nods in respond, knowing the reality. It's still a long way to heal, a lot of heartache and pain. She had witnessed another person, dealing with the exact same thing every single day. Another person also having been shred from love, his love. That sorrow she always notice, even when he smiles, and now, she sees the same expression. Torn, between following their head or their heart. Knowing, so many things will be on their way, but knowing too the pain in separating this way.
Bec knows it must be even harder. Loosing a loved one, is already a great agony, and loosing him/her with painful separation, giving up though knowing they still have feeling for each other, is even much harder. Knowing their stories, understanding a little of their love, she knows how hard it must have been for both of them. And as much as she disagree with Lindsay, she feels for her.
Lindsay wonders when she would be okay, or rather, whether or if she would be okay. The feeling can't just go away, not when she's feeling so strong. The way she always remember him, every little thing just remind her of him. Each time she goes to their park, or even passing by, their favourite restaurant and store. Even this house, her own house, holds a memory of him. Their meeting here, in the living room, their last meeting on the front yard, all are reminders of him.
But she knows she must forget him, no more looking back. It's a love, lost. She has to try.
So she immersed herself in her school, trying to achieve her dreams, going to Harvard, being a PERSON. Someone, she would be proud of, someone that everyone would be proud of. She will proove that she's not just a little girl, that she has her own mind, her own life and she knows what to do for herself and for her future.
Bec sees determination behind her words, seeing a strong woman, trying to cope with her problems and pain. Remembering the same expression on Bobby she just saw that day, when he had told her everything. Seeing also that determination in his eyes, everyday since. The love, the hurt, the pain...she sees all again now, in another pair of blue eyes, belong to this beautiful woman, sitting beside her.
" He loves you Lindsay...and meeting you now....i can see why..."
Lindsay too chokes up to respond, no points in hiding or holding her tears now, as they slide freely on her face, when she hears the heartfelt words. Bec continues her thoughts, voicing only the truths. She see a glimpse of what Bobby must have seen, a beautiful woman, with all her strengths and weaknesses. Her flaws, and her qualities, making a woman so complicated yet she can see, so beautiful.
" I mean my first thought when he told me and believe me it's the truth was that he's crazy and he needs eyeglasses." Lindsay laughed though her tears, wiping them, looking again into Bec's eyes, smiling a little.
" I mean...he told me you were sixteen and..." Bec shakes her head, when she sees Lindsay looks away, seemingly hiding the tears that flowing again. That is not why she's coming here. Truth to be told, she has no idea what brought her here in the first place, beside the fact that she really wants to see her. Wants to understand everything, more.
Lindsay likes this woman even more, there is this thing about her that makes her so special. She can understand now why Bobby always count her as his bestfriend, always respects her, and loves her. From what he has told her, and knowing the woman now herself, Lindsay can see that their friendship is just so close and so beautiful. Bonding as friends, caring and supporting each other, unconditionally. How she wishes she has that kind of friendship too...
" He's so lucky to have you, Bec..."
Lindsay smiles, looking at Bec. Bec is so touch with the words. She looks at Lindsay carefully, studying her every move. Knowing she is a nice person. All that she has heard, all the stories, and meeting her today, knowing her a bit, has proven that her opinion is true. She also sees a woman, not a kid, not only that sixteen years old girl, a teenage girl, but a sixteen years old, with the mind, a heart, and vision of an adult. A woman. And she likes her, Bobby was right, when he said that she would love Lindsay when she meets her, cos she does. She's a beautiful woman, inside and out.
" He's even luckier when he had you..." Lindsay smiles bitterly at that.
" I have never seen him happier, and more in love, Lindsay..." Bec pause, seeing a hint of sadness on that beautiful face. " well...maybe that's because I've never seen him in love at all..." Lindsay lets out a small laugh on that. Bec's a little relieved, she gets the exact reaction with that comments. She wants to take that sadness away.
They both fell to silence again.
" So...what's your plan now?" Bec asks after a while.
Lindsay looks at her, feeling like she's talking to an oldfriend, knowing she can trust her fully.
" Working on my future, do the best i can in everything...i want to be useful..and benefits other people."
" That's all...no..." A pause " What about Bobby..."
Bec decides to take the plunge. If Bobby won't do something about it, maybe Lindsay would. She's not sure if that's the best, and she's even more surprised she even suggested the idea. It's a crazy idea, all the things they would have to go through, all the contras. But seeing them hurting, obviously, in front of her eyes, she just feels like she should do something, at least make them think of the idea, offering them her support.
" I would support Bobby, no matter what..." Bec says.
Lindsay looks deeply into Bec's eyes, knowing sincerity there. Honestly, the first time she met Bec, she was afraid that Bec would launch into some ranting or venting, or a whole bunch of other things, admonishing her for what she had done, for what she had caused. But all the friendship, the support there, really taken her by surprise. But to be with Bobby...
" It would be hard if we want to be together...." A pause. " I want to fight for him..i really do...but what's to fight when he doesn't want to be with me...when he..."
Lindsay shakes her head again, the pain of being given up, of not being fought for, by her love. How she loves him, and how she wishes he would just believe in her, and fight for them to be together. But knowing Bobby as she does, understanding his fear of love, his fear of not good enough for her, the way he always selflessly puts her needs on his first priority, she can understand his actions, appreciating it even, though it still hurts.
" Do you regret it?" Bec asks, breaking Lindsay's train of thoughts.
" No...I don't regret it...the only thing that i regret is hurting him, the way that i had..."
His sorrowful face came to her vision, and she just has to shake her head, urging those pictures to go away. " but i never regret being with him , our times together...." She looks at Bec, smiling a bit remembering the good times. " i just wish...I just wish i didn't have to hurt him to have those times...." Lindsay trails off, feeling the familiar path on her face, being wet with tears again.
" I love him, Bec, I really do...and I'm sure of my feeling...It's not some crush teenagers have and I wasn't trying to runaway from my problems when I made the decission to be with him.." Lindsay stops, feeling the pain his words still caused, on their fight, that night on his apartment, a night when all her dreams have been shattered.
" and i certainly didn't do it intentionally...it's just...it's just...happen...." She falters a bit on her last word.
" It wasn't easy at all, lying to him, hiding this...thing..." Lindsay says with disdain, hating the fact, her age, stupid numbers that has cost her, her love.
" I... I really wanted to feel all those happiness , to cherish all the times I had with him...knowing that somehow that would end... that we would be separated... and that was so...hard..." Lindsay chokes out at her last words, remembering all those feelings, all her fear and worries should Bobby or someone else knows... All the time, she realised she had lied to Bobby, betraying him in a way, he would be so hurt for... She knew yet she still did that, only because of her love... She just wanted to be with him, and love him... in the time that was given, before it would be taken away...
" But his judgment and...I knew If he found out that would be the end...and it was so hard...I used to stay up, in the middle of the night, just watching him sleeping by my side, holding his hands, touching him, ....afraid if I let go..or I let myself to sleep....he would gone..."
Bec takes a hold of Lindsay's hand, offering her support, Lindsay smiles despite her tears.
" I knew one day when he knows, he would be hurt and... I'm so afraid of that day... I really wanted him to fight for us should he knows the truth.. that he would just forget everything and just concentrate on us.. on our love.. that he loves me in a way that would make him wants to be with me more than anything.. "
She looks down, to their joined hands.
" But if we're together....I don't know...there are a lot of things to overcome..and...I know he always wanted to do what he thinks is the best for me... " Lindsay stops her sentences, feeling she's revealing too much. She just can't go through that whole emotional conversation again.
" I'm sorry, Bec..I just can't...." Lindsay's a bit ashamed with all the tears, she hates to be weak, and she always thinks crying is one of them. She can't believe how much she had cried the past few months.
" It's okay, Linds....really..." Bec smiles understandingly.
They fell to a longer silence, and before they know it, it's night already. The light from the city competing with the stars above, a beautiful night on that beautiful spring.
" It's so beautiful here, isn't it..." Lindsay says breaking the silence.
" Yeah...." Bec agrees, taking a look at the city bellow.
" Look Lindsay, I better get going it's late..." Bec looks at her watch.
" Sure...Thank you so much Bec..." Lindsay says with sincerity. She stands up, looking at Bec, feeling a big burden on her heart has been lifted a little, talking to her, hearing all the things about Bobby, has helped her to heal some of the guilt and the pain.
" You're wellcome."
They holds each other for a while, and smile when pulling back.
Lindsay walks Bec back to her car in the front yard, saying goodbyes, like close friends, but when she's about to moves away, Lindsay runs and stops the car, leaning on Bec's side, looking deeply into her eyes, pleading...
" Bec, please ... please take care of him..."
Bec finds a lot more reasons to love this woman, and she promises wholeheartedly,
" I will..."
Lindsay smiles, watching as Bec drives away, knowing Bobby is in good hands.
************
End of Part Three
I know..kinda...hmmmm....my personal opinion on this...it's kinda strange...but i just thought...well...i'm just gonna post it...hope somebody will enjoy it...;[
I always love how the office bonds, every member have this special connection with each other, and i know Linds and Bec have that too, and i believe that's not only because they work in the same place everyday, i just thought even if they met somewhere else, they would still like each other....so....that's why i wrote this...hmmmmm....just hope you guys like it...
And also, knowing Bec, she just wants to save the world...oooh i don't know....i'm rambling again....i'll just stop...;]
Ooh, and btw, I'm sooooo confuse now, I have so many different things as to where I'm going with the story, can't figure out which are the best [ trust me....some crazy ideas there...one of them is having Bobby married to Sara so i could just turn the whole situation on the show...Yuck...I just diminished that idea right away...grrhhh...hate that ..sorry...'slut' hehe right, Lynds? ]
So, this is one of the idea....just tell me if you like it or not...I'll think of something later
[ hehe, like a teaser, right????]
" Bobby, Mr. Miller is here with his lawyer." Lucy announces to her boss, standing inside of his office.
" Where?"
" Conference room." Lucy smiles secretively to her boss, as he stands up and makes his way to the door, making Bobby wonder.
" Is there anything else, Lucy?" Bobby asks quizzically, stopping in front of her.
" The lawyer? She's young, beautiful, and sexy too..." Lucy answers in a whispher.
" Lucy!!!" Bobby admonishes her, and starts walking again.
" What?? It's true Bobby, i think you should date her. " Lucy nods her head to further emphasizes her point.
Bobby just gives her a glare in return, only to have Lucy stick out her tongue at him. Bobby only shakes his head at the teenager's antique, wondering again why he had hired the teenager in the first place.
Bobby enters the conference room, and is about to greet his guests when he recognize the woman standing in front of him.
" Lindsay...."
********
Author : Faith
Dedication : For everyone for the wonderful feedback, thank you soooooo much!!!!
For Jewel, I know...I still owe you one...;D
Disclaimer : Nope...not mine....sorry...!!! ;D
Okay, I hope you will enjoy this...happy reading and please FEEDBACK????? I love them, TRUST ME!!! :D
Part three
" Miss Lindsay, someone's here for you."
Lindsay looks up from the book she's reading, sitting with the stamps of pillow to support her. Lately, she's been spending most of her time alone, needing space from everyone, becoming someone, so different than she used to, not the witty, enjoying life immensely Lindsay, but to the sedate, serious Lindsay. Putting her times in her study and school, retracting from school activities she so used to join, unless it's important for her application letter to college. Her hockey team is one of them, one of the least activities she still join and enjoy.
" Who is it?"
" I'm sorry, Miss, she didn't tell me her name."
" Okay...Thanks, Anne, I'll be down in a minute."
" She's waiting in the living room. Excuse me, Miss"
Lindsay nods and looks at her maid, leaving her room, but not before bending down a little in a polite manner. Wondering who visits her. She puts down her book, and walks down the hall. Not a lot of her friend like to visit her here, mostly because they are reluctant to face all the manner and politeness here, or they are just too shy or afraid, thinking that she's just a rich snob, who doesn't want to get involved with people.
Lindsay doesn't have a lot of friend. It seems like being rich, smart, and beautiful all at once, is not a guarantee of having a lot of good friend. Most of her friend befriended her either because of her wealth, her brain or her looks, not a lot that look at her as just Lindsay. The Lindsay that has also a lot of quirks and weaknesses, and sometimes just wants to be herself too, and not just this perfect girl everyone thinks she is.
That's one of the reasons why her relationship with Bobby was something she really appreciate and thankful for. On those short time they had shared together, he had showed her that she is precious enough to be loved, that she, can gain someone's love and affection. That not all people just think of her like a Barbie doll, in a fantasy world, not always treating her like glass, caving to all her needs and wants, that she's real..and she's human. Appreciate, respect, and most of all love her for who she really is, behind all those attributes and masks. Loving her for who she is inside. How she missed those time.
Lindsay's tendency of being closed off, and her stubborness has caused some of the friendships that she has had in the past comes to end. Her fear of relationship, of love has caused her even more lost friends.
Some guys that once become an important part of her life, sharing their days with her under the terms friendship, drifted apart when they somehow show signs of something more than platonic love. A young woman, too afraid to fall, too fragile to let herself be in love, closing off her heart, not wanting people to get in, waiting for the one man who will finally break through.
She's so afraid to let people in to her life, having the experience of loosing them. The death of some people she holds so dearly in her hearts, makes her know how hard it is to loose someone you really care about. Making her understand as well Bobby's pain in loosing his mother. Watching, as life slowly fades away from your loved one...slowly...painfully...
Also the heartache she once had of being betrayed by someone she so believe was her bestfriend, not long ago, having her saying all the things that even until now, still stings at her heart. Hearing her saying how she's so sick of being compared to her, and how she always lost. How each day she has to face the reality that everybody loves Lindsay more, how in every field, every thing they do, she aways be number two, How their friendship...the only friendship Lindsay cares for so deeply...drift apart...Having her stolen the one person, she thought was her love, and her bestfriend too, feeling like being stab in the back, though finally she realised he's not 'the one'...
And the painful things with her parents, when out of the blue, they told her they want to get a divorce... When her father, someone she so respects, so loves, and so close to, left the house, making her feels like she was left, alone, frighteningly alone... Asking almost everyday, what she had done wrong, to cause him to go away, thinking it was partly her fault... She was so hurt, and again... betrayed... the only security she had at that momment, the only thing she's sure would last through everything.... had come to an end...
Her already fragile belief in love, relationship, and commitment, her love of life and what it offers, was at all time low...
But when she met Bobby, she knows she finally find that person, she found 'the one'. Being with him, proves to her, there's nothing to be afraid of. She can be herself, she's sure of herself, and more over, she's sure of Bobby and their feeling.
So she let herself to feel real love with Bobby, basks in the happiness, enjoying everytime with him, realising it was just useless to fight those feelings when they were too strong, and she let herself to fall...Though knowing one day it could end, once Bobby knew that she's been lying to him, there would be troubles on their way, but she had hoped that their love was stronger than that, that they would last through anything, she never thought that she'd be wrong...
Her doubts in love and relationship after her experience, were clouded by her feeling. She didn't do her usual tendency to run, everytime there's someone trying to approach, when someone's knocking the door of her heart, trying to be a part of her life...She let Bobby in, and she let him be apart of her life,...and how that backfired at her. How hurt and painful the separation. And the worst thing, she hurt Bobby too.
She still remember his face that night when he knew the truth, so clearly....his whole dejected demeanor...the pain so clearly shown on his face...how she wish she never seen those things....hoping to only see his smile and the eyes that's shines with happiness...those time when they were together and happy, nothing to really think about, only then and there...their feelings of being together and the miracle of sharing their love....How she misses those times, always remembering them, having them accompanying her everyhere she goes...
The woman stands up when Lindsay enters the room, and sits back when and only after being told to. Both of them studies each other while the maid asks what they want to drink.
" I'll have tea please, what about you....Ms..."
" Washington..Rebecca Washington....I'd love to have tea too."
" Nice to meet you Ms Washington..." Lindsay shakes her hand, trying to remember where she had heard that sounds to be so familiar name. " I'm sorry...but have we met somewhere...or..." She tilts her head to the side, quizzically.
" I'm Bobby's secretary." There were a long pause there. Lindsay is shocked, seeing her there, wondering the reason too. The maid comes with their drinks, breaking the silence, offering to drink, Lindsay takes a sip of her tea.
" He...he told me so much about you...but he called you Bec so..." Lindsay says after getting a hold of herself.
" He told me about you too."
Lindsay looks up to a smile. The woman seems nice and from what Bobby had told her, she IS very kind. Someone you can really trust. Her curly hair, cut in a short one, making her looks maturer, and more professional, and her formal outfit, she must have been just coming home from work. The smile forming in her lips, the warmth and comfort that that smile brings. Yes, she is a nice woman.
Rebecca also studies Lindsay, understanding the physical attraction in an instance. When she walks to the room. Her elegant way of bringing herself, when walking, sitting, talking, simply, every bit of her. Those deep blue eyes, her beautiful face, that wonderful golden brown hair, everything about her is just beautiful. She gets what it takes to make men bending on their knees.
She also recognizes the sadness in her eyes, behind al those smiles, knowing too another person also having the exact same thing.
" Oh....I see..."
" Actually that's one of the reason why I came here."
Lindsay looks up at her instantly.
" Did Bobby send you here?" Her heart skips a beat with the thought. She looks up hopefully.
Maybe he has changed his mind...how many times has she pictured those thoughts in her head...so many different scenarios...so many alternatives...picturing Bobby comes to see her, or phone her, or trying to contact her....picturing him saying he forgives her, he loves her, still, and that he wants to fight for a 'them' doesn't care what the world will think and that they will face whatever it is on their way, together...wanting so much for those to happen...having those thought so clearly visioned that she really felt those are real, only to have her hopes crashed when she found those are just in her dreams... purely her imagination... Waking up in the middle of the night, crying for the lost of one love she believe is her true love, her only real lov, knowing that love has come to an end...
" No." Bec sees her face falls after just being light up moments ago. Another reason to like this woman, to believe her love, and to understand everything.
" He...i talked to him, believe me i did...but Bobby..he..." A pause. " He has made up his mind..." Bec offers lamely.
She recalls all the times he has sit Bobby down, trying to get him to listen, how each times, comes in vain. Talking about Bobby being stubborn, nothing will get him to change. Seeing him coping in his own way, all on his own, each day, seeing those blue eyes clouded with sadness and despair, makes her doing all the talks.
" Yeah..." Lindsay whisphers.
Her mind goes back to a time, not too long ago, when she last met Bobby. A dinner she won't forget. How awkward that has been, how strange, how ... hard....
Thank God she had John with her that time, she wouldn't know how to survive otherwise. Her swirling emotions, all the pain, the heartache, the guilt. Her parents could have notice all the tension and emotions in the room if John hadn't been doing most of the talk, leading them all in small conversations. Sharing all his stories of life in college, and his youth years. She had stolen some glances to Bobby's way only to find out he had done the same, while adding his two cents in the conversation.
How then, quickly he would look away, not wanting to look in her directions again, how she wanted to cry right then and there, so hurt by his actions...he hadn't forgiven her...he hates her...
And their short time together afterwards, when she was forced 'not really literally' to show him the way out. The silence enveloping them, her plead of being forgiven, her saying sorry for she had lost count how many times, only to have him seeing her, with that eyes full of pain and hurt, and she had to move her eyes away, couldn't stand to see what she had caused.
How she reached out to his hand only to have it shoven away...the pain, the hurt of being rejected, but knowing too, he's entittled to do what he had done...she deserves all the pain... all the emotions...
So they were separated, not even decently saying goodbyes. She still remembers the tears pouring out from her as she stood outside of her house that night, alone, on that cold night, watching his car slowly fade away. Loosing all her hope of them to ever be together...
Bec seeing all the emotions playing in her face, giving her times to relish all those feelings. Knowing, she would come out on her own, when she's ready.
" What's your other reason?" Lindsay looks at Bec again, asks bluntly, her thoughts back to the present.
" I want to see and know you..." Bec smiles at her giving her comfort. Lindsay smiles in return, she really does like this woman.
" Why don't we take a walk, there is this beautiful place behind the house..."
Lindsay suggests to which Bec agrees. Bec follows Lindsay out of the living room, towards the back yard. They walk through a hall full of paintings and family pictures, some of those are of Lindsay's from all of her milestone...the happy smiling faces...They continue to walk side by side in silence, each still relishing the feeling...
" So what has Bobby told you..." Lindsay starts when they are sitted on a bench in the back garden.
" Pretty much everything."
" How is he?" Lindsay didn't even realize she has voiced the question, has been wanting to ask that question since the first time she knows who the woman is, surprised herself she had voiced that question out loud.
Rebecca looks at her, seeing concern, and she would have sworn, love there. Trying to find the answer...
" He's....he's rattled..." Bec continues. " You hurt him pretty badly." Despite the sound to be hurtful words, Bec doesn't have any bad intention in saying them. Only stating the truth both of them have known.
" I didn't mean to..." Lindsay shakes her head, a tear sliding her down her face as she imagine what Bobby's going through, how she had hurt him...
" I know, Lindsay, and you don't owe me any explanation...." A long pause. " I understand."
" You do?" Lindsay looks at her hopefully.
Bec sees the hopefull look, the expentant look, as if Lindsay's trying to find validation over her actions. As much as she thinks that what Lindsay did was morally wrong, how she always thinks a sixteen year old can not just have a relationship with older man, 10 years older, without her parents knowing, and even more so, without telling to the man her real self, but seeing her, knowing her more, understanding her position and situation, she can understand the reason behind all Lindsay's actions.
Furthermore, she respected her, a young girl, fighting for what she believes is her love, going through the length that she had been through. It took a lot of strength though it gains her and the man she loves a lot of heartache, but still she fought. People do stupid things when they're in love, she once told Bobby, how that true.
Rebecca looks deep into Lindsay's eyes, when she tells her the answer.
" Yes, I do....he's hurt, but i think he finally understand why you did that..."
" He told you that?" Lindsay's heart jumps hearing the expected words.
" Not in that exact words...but i have the impression he forgave you for everything that has happened...but to..." Bec can't continue her words, afraid that in doing so she would hurt Lindsay more. She knows full well Bobby has finally undertand and forgive Lindsay, even contemplating the idea of being together again. But all his fears, all his protective feelings hinder him. Thinking the best way is to let her go, he did just that. Not even attempting to meet her, or to talk it out, afraid that in doing so, he would change his mind.
" I understand..."
Lindsay looks away. She's a bit relieved knowing Bobby has understand. She was so afraid he won't. And how she wants him to understand and forgive her, simply because she wants the best for him. That would be the first step to heal. But she knows too, that for them to be together there would be even more thought that Bobby will put into. The way he always trying to protect her, to do the best for her, what he thinks the best anyway...if only he knows...the best for her is to be with him....
Lindsay shakes her head, urging those thoughts to go away, not realising a single tear sliding
down her face again until she hears Bec says.
" And I can see you're hurt too..." The compassionate side of her kicks in, seeing the pain in her eyes, the tear sliding down her face. " How do you holding up?"
Lindsay is a bit surprise with the question and even more so with the sincerity and the concern behind those words.
" I'm holding up....I...I'll be okay..."
She smiles a small smile, Bec nods in respond, knowing the reality. It's still a long way to heal, a lot of heartache and pain. She had witnessed another person, dealing with the exact same thing every single day. Another person also having been shred from love, his love. That sorrow she always notice, even when he smiles, and now, she sees the same expression. Torn, between following their head or their heart. Knowing, so many things will be on their way, but knowing too the pain in separating this way.
Bec knows it must be even harder. Loosing a loved one, is already a great agony, and loosing him/her with painful separation, giving up though knowing they still have feeling for each other, is even much harder. Knowing their stories, understanding a little of their love, she knows how hard it must have been for both of them. And as much as she disagree with Lindsay, she feels for her.
Lindsay wonders when she would be okay, or rather, whether or if she would be okay. The feeling can't just go away, not when she's feeling so strong. The way she always remember him, every little thing just remind her of him. Each time she goes to their park, or even passing by, their favourite restaurant and store. Even this house, her own house, holds a memory of him. Their meeting here, in the living room, their last meeting on the front yard, all are reminders of him.
But she knows she must forget him, no more looking back. It's a love, lost. She has to try.
So she immersed herself in her school, trying to achieve her dreams, going to Harvard, being a PERSON. Someone, she would be proud of, someone that everyone would be proud of. She will proove that she's not just a little girl, that she has her own mind, her own life and she knows what to do for herself and for her future.
Bec sees determination behind her words, seeing a strong woman, trying to cope with her problems and pain. Remembering the same expression on Bobby she just saw that day, when he had told her everything. Seeing also that determination in his eyes, everyday since. The love, the hurt, the pain...she sees all again now, in another pair of blue eyes, belong to this beautiful woman, sitting beside her.
" He loves you Lindsay...and meeting you now....i can see why..."
Lindsay too chokes up to respond, no points in hiding or holding her tears now, as they slide freely on her face, when she hears the heartfelt words. Bec continues her thoughts, voicing only the truths. She see a glimpse of what Bobby must have seen, a beautiful woman, with all her strengths and weaknesses. Her flaws, and her qualities, making a woman so complicated yet she can see, so beautiful.
" I mean my first thought when he told me and believe me it's the truth was that he's crazy and he needs eyeglasses." Lindsay laughed though her tears, wiping them, looking again into Bec's eyes, smiling a little.
" I mean...he told me you were sixteen and..." Bec shakes her head, when she sees Lindsay looks away, seemingly hiding the tears that flowing again. That is not why she's coming here. Truth to be told, she has no idea what brought her here in the first place, beside the fact that she really wants to see her. Wants to understand everything, more.
Lindsay likes this woman even more, there is this thing about her that makes her so special. She can understand now why Bobby always count her as his bestfriend, always respects her, and loves her. From what he has told her, and knowing the woman now herself, Lindsay can see that their friendship is just so close and so beautiful. Bonding as friends, caring and supporting each other, unconditionally. How she wishes she has that kind of friendship too...
" He's so lucky to have you, Bec..."
Lindsay smiles, looking at Bec. Bec is so touch with the words. She looks at Lindsay carefully, studying her every move. Knowing she is a nice person. All that she has heard, all the stories, and meeting her today, knowing her a bit, has proven that her opinion is true. She also sees a woman, not a kid, not only that sixteen years old girl, a teenage girl, but a sixteen years old, with the mind, a heart, and vision of an adult. A woman. And she likes her, Bobby was right, when he said that she would love Lindsay when she meets her, cos she does. She's a beautiful woman, inside and out.
" He's even luckier when he had you..." Lindsay smiles bitterly at that.
" I have never seen him happier, and more in love, Lindsay..." Bec pause, seeing a hint of sadness on that beautiful face. " well...maybe that's because I've never seen him in love at all..." Lindsay lets out a small laugh on that. Bec's a little relieved, she gets the exact reaction with that comments. She wants to take that sadness away.
They both fell to silence again.
" So...what's your plan now?" Bec asks after a while.
Lindsay looks at her, feeling like she's talking to an oldfriend, knowing she can trust her fully.
" Working on my future, do the best i can in everything...i want to be useful..and benefits other people."
" That's all...no..." A pause " What about Bobby..."
Bec decides to take the plunge. If Bobby won't do something about it, maybe Lindsay would. She's not sure if that's the best, and she's even more surprised she even suggested the idea. It's a crazy idea, all the things they would have to go through, all the contras. But seeing them hurting, obviously, in front of her eyes, she just feels like she should do something, at least make them think of the idea, offering them her support.
" I would support Bobby, no matter what..." Bec says.
Lindsay looks deeply into Bec's eyes, knowing sincerity there. Honestly, the first time she met Bec, she was afraid that Bec would launch into some ranting or venting, or a whole bunch of other things, admonishing her for what she had done, for what she had caused. But all the friendship, the support there, really taken her by surprise. But to be with Bobby...
" It would be hard if we want to be together...." A pause. " I want to fight for him..i really do...but what's to fight when he doesn't want to be with me...when he..."
Lindsay shakes her head again, the pain of being given up, of not being fought for, by her love. How she loves him, and how she wishes he would just believe in her, and fight for them to be together. But knowing Bobby as she does, understanding his fear of love, his fear of not good enough for her, the way he always selflessly puts her needs on his first priority, she can understand his actions, appreciating it even, though it still hurts.
" Do you regret it?" Bec asks, breaking Lindsay's train of thoughts.
" No...I don't regret it...the only thing that i regret is hurting him, the way that i had..."
His sorrowful face came to her vision, and she just has to shake her head, urging those pictures to go away. " but i never regret being with him , our times together...." She looks at Bec, smiling a bit remembering the good times. " i just wish...I just wish i didn't have to hurt him to have those times...." Lindsay trails off, feeling the familiar path on her face, being wet with tears again.
" I love him, Bec, I really do...and I'm sure of my feeling...It's not some crush teenagers have and I wasn't trying to runaway from my problems when I made the decission to be with him.." Lindsay stops, feeling the pain his words still caused, on their fight, that night on his apartment, a night when all her dreams have been shattered.
" and i certainly didn't do it intentionally...it's just...it's just...happen...." She falters a bit on her last word.
" It wasn't easy at all, lying to him, hiding this...thing..." Lindsay says with disdain, hating the fact, her age, stupid numbers that has cost her, her love.
" I... I really wanted to feel all those happiness , to cherish all the times I had with him...knowing that somehow that would end... that we would be separated... and that was so...hard..." Lindsay chokes out at her last words, remembering all those feelings, all her fear and worries should Bobby or someone else knows... All the time, she realised she had lied to Bobby, betraying him in a way, he would be so hurt for... She knew yet she still did that, only because of her love... She just wanted to be with him, and love him... in the time that was given, before it would be taken away...
" But his judgment and...I knew If he found out that would be the end...and it was so hard...I used to stay up, in the middle of the night, just watching him sleeping by my side, holding his hands, touching him, ....afraid if I let go..or I let myself to sleep....he would gone..."
Bec takes a hold of Lindsay's hand, offering her support, Lindsay smiles despite her tears.
" I knew one day when he knows, he would be hurt and... I'm so afraid of that day... I really wanted him to fight for us should he knows the truth.. that he would just forget everything and just concentrate on us.. on our love.. that he loves me in a way that would make him wants to be with me more than anything.. "
She looks down, to their joined hands.
" But if we're together....I don't know...there are a lot of things to overcome..and...I know he always wanted to do what he thinks is the best for me... " Lindsay stops her sentences, feeling she's revealing too much. She just can't go through that whole emotional conversation again.
" I'm sorry, Bec..I just can't...." Lindsay's a bit ashamed with all the tears, she hates to be weak, and she always thinks crying is one of them. She can't believe how much she had cried the past few months.
" It's okay, Linds....really..." Bec smiles understandingly.
They fell to a longer silence, and before they know it, it's night already. The light from the city competing with the stars above, a beautiful night on that beautiful spring.
" It's so beautiful here, isn't it..." Lindsay says breaking the silence.
" Yeah...." Bec agrees, taking a look at the city bellow.
" Look Lindsay, I better get going it's late..." Bec looks at her watch.
" Sure...Thank you so much Bec..." Lindsay says with sincerity. She stands up, looking at Bec, feeling a big burden on her heart has been lifted a little, talking to her, hearing all the things about Bobby, has helped her to heal some of the guilt and the pain.
" You're wellcome."
They holds each other for a while, and smile when pulling back.
Lindsay walks Bec back to her car in the front yard, saying goodbyes, like close friends, but when she's about to moves away, Lindsay runs and stops the car, leaning on Bec's side, looking deeply into her eyes, pleading...
" Bec, please ... please take care of him..."
Bec finds a lot more reasons to love this woman, and she promises wholeheartedly,
" I will..."
Lindsay smiles, watching as Bec drives away, knowing Bobby is in good hands.
************
End of Part Three
I know..kinda...hmmmm....my personal opinion on this...it's kinda strange...but i just thought...well...i'm just gonna post it...hope somebody will enjoy it...;[
I always love how the office bonds, every member have this special connection with each other, and i know Linds and Bec have that too, and i believe that's not only because they work in the same place everyday, i just thought even if they met somewhere else, they would still like each other....so....that's why i wrote this...hmmmmm....just hope you guys like it...
And also, knowing Bec, she just wants to save the world...oooh i don't know....i'm rambling again....i'll just stop...;]
Ooh, and btw, I'm sooooo confuse now, I have so many different things as to where I'm going with the story, can't figure out which are the best [ trust me....some crazy ideas there...one of them is having Bobby married to Sara so i could just turn the whole situation on the show...Yuck...I just diminished that idea right away...grrhhh...hate that ..sorry...'slut' hehe right, Lynds? ]
So, this is one of the idea....just tell me if you like it or not...I'll think of something later
[ hehe, like a teaser, right????]
" Bobby, Mr. Miller is here with his lawyer." Lucy announces to her boss, standing inside of his office.
" Where?"
" Conference room." Lucy smiles secretively to her boss, as he stands up and makes his way to the door, making Bobby wonder.
" Is there anything else, Lucy?" Bobby asks quizzically, stopping in front of her.
" The lawyer? She's young, beautiful, and sexy too..." Lucy answers in a whispher.
" Lucy!!!" Bobby admonishes her, and starts walking again.
" What?? It's true Bobby, i think you should date her. " Lucy nods her head to further emphasizes her point.
Bobby just gives her a glare in return, only to have Lucy stick out her tongue at him. Bobby only shakes his head at the teenager's antique, wondering again why he had hired the teenager in the first place.
Bobby enters the conference room, and is about to greet his guests when he recognize the woman standing in front of him.
" Lindsay...."
********