Title: Wanting Memories
Author: Liz (liz@endlessdreams.net)
Distribution: my site, ff.net, Cover Me. All others see profile.
Rating: PG/PG-13
Spoilers/Timeline: Post-S2 Finale
Ship: Syd/Vaughn
Summary: Sydney lost more than two years. Now she must remember everything - before she loses it all over again.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Keep it up, it feeds the muse ;)

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Part Two - Reminiscences
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I remember that day like it was yesterday, even if Syd can't. It was a Friday. Hockey practice had gone well, but my mind was on the special night I knew Syd had planned. We were going to go to Santa Barbara again, to the hotel we'd retreated to for a good month as soon as Will was stable enough for Syd to feel comfortable leaving his side. It was our sanctuary, and we wanted to get away again.

I stopped by the local family-owned grocery store to pick up some snacks to bring with us.

"Hey Mike!" the owner, a friend of ours, exclaimed when I came in. "What you up to?"

"Syd and I are going down to Santa Barbara tonight. I wanted to pick up a few things for the trip."

"Celebrating anniversaries already? Aren't you six months early?"

I grinned. "We wanted to get a head start. How are you and Lorraine doing?"

"Just fine," he said as he rang up the items I handed him. "You and Sydney should come over for dinner sometime. I know Lorraine would love to bend Syd's ear about Dickens and Austen again."

"The perils of being married to English majors," I replied with a smile.

"Wouldn't want to live without them, though."

"Never."

But I had to.

The house felt different the moment I walked in. It felt empty, lonely.

"Syd?" I called out. There was no answer. No matter how many times I screamed her name, there was never any answer. Neither did I find her anywhere in the house. She was simply gone.

I was simply shattered.

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Vaughn led a still very shaken Sydney out of the safe house and into a waiting car.

"You'll have to undergo some psych evaluations, physical evaluations…you know the drill."

Sydney nodded mutely.

"Jack and Will are going to be waiting at the airfield when we fly in. CIA's still trying to figure out how to announce that you're still alive…or if they're going to announce it at all."

"I'm not going into the Witness Protection Program, Vaughn."

"I know. We just have to convince Devlin."

Sydney gave a small snort.

"There's my girl," Vaughn said with a grin. "Never did give an inch, even to your boss."

Sydney smiled as the car began to move. She looked down at her hands then, where she still held her wedding ring. She hadn't put it on yet. She almost felt as if it was a dream. She would put the ring on and be happy and then Vaughn would tell her he was sorry, but it was all a misunderstanding, even though they had been married two years ago, now he was married to someone else.

Vaughn saw how she stared at her ring. "You don't have to put it on if you don't want to – I know you don't remember being married…"

Sydney looked up. "I'm just afraid…that if I put it on, I'll wake up from a dream. It won't be real. Or that…that someone will pop out of the woodwork and tell me that it's all big misunderstanding and you're married to a different Sydney Bristow."

Vaughn reached out and touched Sydney's cheek gently. "There's only ever been you, Sydney Anne Vau…" he trailed off when he realized he was about to call her by her married name.

"Did I change my name?" she asked in a curious tone.

Vaughn pulled his hand back. "You did. I was a little surprised, actually. Pleased, happy. But surprised. You wanted to, though."

Sydney thought for a moment. "Yes. I can see why I would." She turned the ring around, looking at it from all angles, and murmured, "Sydney Anne Vaughn." Then she looked up into Vaughn's face. "It sounds beautiful…perfect."

"That's exactly what you said right after you signed the paperwork to change it."

Sydney opened her mouth to reply, but then the car stopped and Vaughn glanced quickly out the window.

"We're here." He smiled gently at Sydney, then hopped out of the car and offered her a hand. Clutching her ring in one hand, she reached out to Vaughn with the other and stepped out onto the tarmac. A large plane was waiting nearby.

"All that for us?"

"Well, you know how it is."

Sydney nodded. "I remember."

Vaughn spoke to the driver of the car for a few moments, then placed his hand on the small of Sydney's back and gently led her towards the plane.

"There should be some kind of bed that you can catch some sleep in, if you want."

"I've had enough sleep to last me a long time," Sydney said dryly. "Even though I was obviously awake for a good portion of the last four years…it still feels almost as if I slept through them." Sydney glanced at Vaughn from the corner of her eye. "Don't let me keep you up, though, if you need sleep." She noted for the first time just how fatigued he looked. "You didn't sleep at all on the way here, did you?"

Vaughn smiled ruefully as they began to climb the stairs into the plane. "You know me too well, Syd. No, I didn't." He glanced at her as he stepped onto the plane. "Now…I have a feeling I'm in for quite a few sleepless nights."

Sydney was silent as they entered the plane, a guilty look slipping its way onto her face.

"It's not your fault, Syd."

"You always were good at reading my emotions right off my face."

Vaughn grinned. "I do my best."

The plane was comfortably appointed, though by no means the height of luxury. Still, it was good enough for Sydney. Certainly better than a cold alleyway or a sad safe house.

"Vaughn?"

"Syd."

"What did they call you back from?"

Vaughn sighed. "Essentially…retirement. But I was still officially on the payroll of our friends the CIA."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the CIA started up a front business as a small security systems company, and chose me to run it. I'm a veritable entrepreneur."

"And you were…happy…with that?"

Vaughn sighed. "I was never happy after the night you went missing. But the CIA decided after a year that I was more of a liability in the field than a help because I always seemed to be keeping an eye out for you. Even after they said you were dead. I didn't believe it, but they insisted. We had a ceremony and everything." Vaughn's eyes clouded with remembered pain. "They gave the flag to Jack. Eric thought they should have given it to me, but Jack…he's lost without you."

Sydney held up a hand. "Two things. What made them so sure I was dead? And my dad…isn't well?"

"There was evidence that you were abducted by Arvin Sloane. Possibly in cooperation with Irina Derevko." Vaughn paused while Sydney absorbed that information. "They felt that since they hadn't been contacted with ransom information, you had probably been killed." Sydney nodded, and Vaughn continued. "Your father…well, he just hasn't been the same. He was always a little cold, but now he's like ice. At least in public. He's broken down in front of me a couple times, and it wasn't pretty. You were his world, Sydney. Everything he did was motivated by a desire to protect you, to make the time when you could quit the spy life come sooner."

"I know," Sydney said quietly.

They sat silently for a few moments, until the plane began to taxi to the runway. Sydney stiffened slightly, but Vaughn noticed.

"Syd, what's wrong?"

Sydney looked up at Vaughn with wide eyes. "I…" she began, then fell silent and glanced out the small window.

"Sydney?"

"It's silly."

Vaughn reached out and lightly touched Sydney's cheek. "Can't be," he said simply.

"I'm afraid to go back. Afraid of what I'll find."

Vaughn's eyes registered pain and sadness as he pulled her into his arms. "It's understandable. But you don't need to be afraid. I'm with you, and I won't let anyone hurt you again."

Sydney pulled back slightly, struck by something about the tone of his voice. "This isn't your fault, Vaughn."

Vaughn's face colored a little, and he looked away. She gently put her hand on his cheek and made him look her in the eye. "It's not."

"If you say so," he replied, unconvinced. Sydney sighed, then decided a change of subject was in order. She dropped her hand from his cheek and slipped her fingers smoothly through his.

"Tell me about Will and Francie."