Title: Trying Normal Chapter 6
Author: UConn Fan (Michele)
E-Mail: LoveUConnBasketball@yahoo.com
Story Summary: "Can I be normal?"
He shrugged, "what does normal mean anyway? You can be happy though, and that's about as close to normal as anyone can hope for." (Sequel to "Coming to Terms")
This Chapter: Will and Jennie share their news, Vaughn & Syd are movin' on up, Syd runs into Alice & we learn Sloane's fate
DISCLAIMER: I don't own ANY of these characters; they belong to Bad Robot, ABC, and the brilliant J.J. Abrams. Nor do I own anything remotely recognizable.
A/N: This includes the section that is also known as "About Alice . . ." - UConn girls are now 35-1 (the ONE damn loss to Villanova in the Big East Championship game - I can't complain, now they're 74-1 in their last 75 games, so I'll shut up now) and in the Final 4 (YAY!) and the guys are DONE! No more Mike Woodward sob or Tony Robertson sob - Tony might get into the NBA, but Mike was a benchwarmer SOB. He was SO CUTE! What else . . . Did you SEE what happened to my Derek! He got HURT! Ugh! Yankees are doing REALLY well though, so I'm happy, but watching Derek get hurt made me cringe (and I've had 10+ operations and have grown up with a nurse - very few things make me cringe). Poor Derek, but right now they're going to take a "conservative approach", so hopefully he'll be back sooner rather then later! Thanks to everyone still writing & reviewing, it means the world to me. I'm at a very hard point in my life, so talking to all of you and hearing your sweet words make me feel like my life isn't a total failure.
Eric Weiss pulled his car behind Mike's in an unfamiliar driveway. Waiting until Mike was out of his car, he followed suit, noticing that a third recognizable sedan was parked in the driveway. "I see your future father-in-law is here," he muttered as they walked towards the front door. "Are you sure not telling Sydney is the right thing to do?" he whispered as his friend searched his pockets for house keys.
"They told me they'd call both Jack and myself once they found what we were looking for from the security section tapes. Until then there's absolutely no reason to worry Sydney."
"Are you sure you're the one who should be making that decision?" he asked before Mike shot him a sharp look. "Never mind."
"I was her case handler for years, I'm going to be her husband in less than a month, I'm just trying to make her life easier."
"Okay," Eric agreed, silently glad he wasn't the one Sydney would be yelling at when she found out the truth.
"Hey," he called out as he entered the house. Several steps inside he smiled when he saw Sydney sitting with Jackie in her arms and Jack across from them.
"Hey you." Sydney stood and smiled at him, walking over to greet him with a kiss. "Hey, how are you?" she asked Weiss as Jack stood up to join them.
"I've been fine," he shrugged. "Jackie?" he asked, looking at the little girl half-asleep in her mother's arms.
"Yes, this is Jackie," her mother proudly confirmed. Stepping closer, Eric laughed at the obvious resemblance that the child had to both parents.
Glancing over his shoulder at his best friend he commented, "You realize she looks just like you, right?"
"There's definitely a resemblance," Michael chuckled and nodded.
"She's a beautiful baby," Eric complimented.
"I should be going," Jack realized.
Sydney was instantly disappointed as she cradled Jackie closer and looked at her father. "Dad, you don't -"
"There's still work I need to attend to," he quickly dismissed her concern. Eric and Michael exchanged silent glances, both aware that Jack was going back to headquarters to find out more about Sloane's realization of Sydney's double agent status. "Perhaps I'll come by tomorrow," he suggested, in hopes of erasing Sydney's sad _expression.
"That'd be nice," she smiled as her father leaned down to kiss his granddaughter's cheek.
"You behave little girl," he whispered to Jackie. Returning to his proud posture, he glanced over at the younger agents. "Have a nice evening," he said to both men before he gave his daughter's shoulder a gentle squeeze and walked out of the house.
"So," Eric asked as he plopped down on the coach, "what's for dinner?"
"Eric," Michael warned as Sydney laughed.
"You are more than welcomed to stay for dinner. We're having chicken. Will, Jennie, Francie and Charlie are coming over tonight too," she reminded her fiancé.
"Those are your friends, right?" Eric asked, recognizing the names from Sydney's dossier.
"Right. Francie and Charlie are married and Jennie and Will are hopefully engaged."
"Too bad, guess I can't hook up with anyone," he muttered as Michael rolled his eyes.
"How was my little girl today?" Michael asked, taking their daughter from Sydney and holding her close. "Syd I made a decision today," he announced as he followed her into the kitchen. By then, Eric had already made himself at home, having taken control of the television remote and channel surfing.
"What decision is that?" She smiled, feeling his gaze on her as she walked around the kitchen preparing the meal.
"Jackie can't date until she's forty."
"Forty?" she laughed. "Do you really feel that's necessary?"
"Absolutely!" he insisted. "Jackie is never going to find a man that's worthy of her."
"As long as she's happy and healthy I'll be happy," Sydney declared. "So, how was work?" she asked pleasantly.
"It was work," he sighed, not wanting to discuss it. Looking at him she immediately sensed something was being left unsaid.
"What happened?"
"Nothing Sydney," he dismissed with an edge in his voice. "It was just debriefs and paperwork, nothing of any relevance."
"Oh," she said softly. "I found a couple of house listings that sounded appealing. I thought I could call and we could go look at them later this week."
"That sounds great," he cheerfully agreed, walking up and kissing her. One arm held his daughter close while his free hand rested on her hip. "I love you," he reminded her as they broke apart.
Sydney's friends arrived shortly before it was time to serve dinner. By then Eric was completely enamored with the drooling, crying baby that Vaughn and Sydney adored. Once they entered, Jenny and Francie took the baby from him, cooing and kissing and doting on her as any beloved aunts would. Vaughn took his daughter and put her to rest in the swing, setting the swing up in the dining room as Sydney and Francie carried dinner out.
"This looks great," Eric noted.
"This is probably the closest thing he's come to a home cooked meal since he was at my mother's house last," Vaughn explained.
"Don't laugh," Eric stopped him.
"This does look delicious Syd, you really outdid yourself," Will agreed as she shrugged.
"It was nothing." She smiled as they passed around the trays, making their plates.
They had low, small talk as they began to eat. Jackie, content from her own recent feeding, fell quickly asleep by the rhythm of the swing. As their dinner started to come to an end, Will reached over and took Jennie's hand. "Actually guys, we have something we want to tell you."
"Yeah, what's that?" Francie smiled, a smile that indicated she already knew what was ahead. Sydney glanced quickly at Vaughn, who shook his head. This was Will and Jennie's night to announce their intentions, they'd announce their own plans soon enough.
"Jennie and I . . . "
"We're engaged!" she joyously finished, putting her hand out for them to see.
"It's beautiful!" Sydney and Francie agreed.
"Have you set a day yet? I can be your coordinator!" Francie insisted.
"No date yet," Jennie explained as Will laughed.
"Congratulations," Vaughn expressed sincerely as Eric agreed.
"We probably won't get married until next summer, I want lots of time to prepare." Jennie smiled, "Plus I have a big case coming up at the firm and I want that finished before I start this."
"We've got all the time in the world." Will said as he kissed her.
"What about you two?" Francie looked at her former roommate and the father of her future goddaughter. "Shouldn't a walk down the aisle be somewhere in your future?"
"Didn't you meet his family this weekend too? How'd that go?" Will added on.
"Yes, I met the Vaughns," she agreed. "They're fabulous, warm people. Jackie will be completely loved and spoiled by her cousin and Aunt and Grandmother."
"They loved Syd too," Vaughn added.
"And the walk down the aisle?" Jennie asked. "I don't mean to hurt either of you, but it seems to me you're about a year and a half or so late in that walk."
"Soon," Sydney nodded.
"How soon?" Francie pressed on.
"I'm not really sure that tonight -" she glanced over at Will and Jennie, both still basking in their news.
"Don't be silly Syd, whatever you have to tell us, let us know! We won't be offended," Jennie promised.
"We're planning on getting married June 19th at my mother's house," Vaughn admitted
"Congratulations!" They all moved to hug them before they sat down to finish their meals.
"That doesn't give us a lot of time, but we should be able to pull it off," Francie explained. "I have a friend who works in Palisades, she does calligraphy and stuff. She does the restaurant's menus. Anyway, we can go up there this weekend and get you invitations."
"We don't plan on having a lot of guests. We've basically already invited everyone who's going to be there, are invitations really necessary?" Sydney asked.
"Of course!" Francie exclaimed. "If anything, you want an invitation so one day Jackie can look at her parents' wedding invitation. Little sentimental stuff like that is great!"
"Okay," she laughed. "We'll go this weekend then."
Before Francie and Jennie could say anything, Jackie broke out into a colicky, smothered scream. "I'm sorry," Sydney spoke loudly as she put a hand up to stop Vaughn.
"I think it's colic Syd." Her fiancé appeared at her side as she gently eased the baby from the swing.
"Shh, hush sweetheart," she whispered, cuddling her baby close and swinging back and forth. "It's okay Jackie, it's going to be okay," she tried to calm the screaming infant.
"Do you want me to take her?" Vaughn offered as she shook her head.
"No, go eat, I'll just go take her back to the nursery."
The evening was a shuffle of people taking turns with an irritable, screaming Jackie. Everything Sydney could think that might work - singing, feeding, changing, bathing, she even set up the humidifier - failed. Jennie tried every trick she could imagine and even checked to see if she was teething (thankfully, she wasn't). It wasn't until nearly two in the morning that she was silenced, and Sydney suspected it had more to do with her exhaustion from screaming than anything they actually did as her parents.
"I'm so sorry she kept you up," Sydney whispered as she held their daughter and lay next to Vaughn in their bed.
"It's fine," he smiled tiredly and kissed his daughter's pudgy cheek. "I'll just nap during my lunch breaks from now on," he suggested as she laughed. The phone rang, stopping their laughter as he picked it up. "Hello?"
"Are you with my daughter?"
"Why?" he asked as Sydney glanced at him in concern.
"I don't want Sydney hearing this," Jack explained as Vaughn tossed the covers off.
"What's wrong?" Sydney asked as he covered the mouthpiece.
"It's nothing Syd, try to get to sleep, I'll be right back." He kissed her quickly before walking out of the room. "What'd you find out?"
"Sloane ordered the hit out on both you and Sydney exactly eighty three minutes before the CIA raided SD-6. The hit man he ordered, a man by the name of Geno Collins, is dead so there is no threat to any of you. However, what still concerns me is we don't know how Sloane discovered you were Jackie's father."
"Do you have any leads?" He sighed. Vaughn knew better than to ask the cause of Geno Collins death; he was better off being ignorant.
"We're still looking into it," Jack informed him. "Take care of them."
"I will," he agreed.
"And Mr. Vaughn, do me a favor."
"What's that?"
"Don't get too comfortable."
Vaughn sighed and hung up the phone. There was no winning over Jack Bristow, although he knew he'd never give up trying.
"Is anything wrong?" Sydney appeared in the kitchen, still holding their daughter.
"No," he stood and smiled. "Not at all. What are you doing out of bed?"
"Now that she's asleep, I can't sleep, so I was hoping some warm milk would help me."
"Warm milk?"
"It used to work when I was a kid," she shrugged. "Do you want some?"
"No," he shook his head and took their daughter. "We'll meet you back in bed."
"I'll be right there," they kissed as he walked back to their bedroom with their sleeping daughter.
The last Saturday of May, she went with Francie and Jennie to a print shop in Pasadena. Her two friends insisted that even though it was a small, private wedding, they had to have invitations. Sydney had initially protested, wondering why she needed invitations when they could just as easily invite the less than twenty guests by word of mouth. They insisted it was necessary; after all, didn't she want an invitation for her wedding album?
Vaughn stayed at her house with Jackie, who was starting to flirt with a case of colic. Sydney was grateful to be out of the house and enjoying the time with her friends. Francie was friends with the owner of the print shop and she was certain they would be able to convince him to print up to a few dozen invitations without any problems. The three spent fifteen minutes looking over styles and wording until she found something that she felt was simple enough and they approached the counter.
"Very nice choice," the clerk smiled. "Now, the bride and groom's names?"
"Sydney Bristow. That's S-Y-D-N-E-Y B-R-I-S-T-O-W."
"Your lucky groom?"
"Michael Vaughn. V-A-U-G-H-N."
"Excuse me?" a petite blonde asked, approaching Sydney. "Did you say Michael Vaughn?"
"Yes. Do you know him?" she asked, suddenly wondering if she was in some bad romantic comedy.
"I'm Alice Watson," she introduced. "Michael and I dated for several years... I suppose I haven't seen him in a year," she mused. "My goodness, I can't believe he's changed so much! I could never imagine him marrying," she laughed lightly.
"Did you say about a year?" Sydney asked, her spy-training kicking in at that tiny tidbit.
"Yes. About a year," she nodded. "Congratulations though, he's a wonderful man, you must be very lucky to be the one to have pulled him in."
Sydney forced a laugh and nodded. "Thank you. It was very nice to meet you."
"Yes, it was. Tell him I said hello."
"Yes, I will." She smiled as Alice walked away.
Although she insisted to her friends that she was fine, Sydney brewed over what Alice had said during hour-long drive home. It wasn't that they had dated for several years - she had already assumed that. No, it was that she hadn't seen him in a year. Logically, she knew that could mean something as simple as bumping into him at the grocery store a year ago, but that wasn't the impression the petite blonde had given her. Even meeting Alice had made her slightly insecure. She was still only eight weeks post-delivery and her body wasn't quite what it used to be. Her eyes were finally starting to return to their normal shade. Plus, if he had such an interest in petite blondes, what attracted him to her, when she was neither?
An unfamiliar, miserable emotion rolled through her stomach as she parked her car in the driveway. For the first time in her life, she was jealous. Noah Hicks had been her first serious beau, and as much as he had hurt her when he left, when he had been with her he didn't seem to even notice other women. Danny had certainly had other girlfriends in the past, but they had been in England, and as a result she never met or even heard about them. This was the first encounter she had ever had with one of her beau's ex-girlfriends, and she had walked away with a terrible feeling in her stomach and a bad taste in her mouth.
The truth was, if Vaughn (she wondered briefly why she slipped back to referring to him as that at that particular moment) and Alice had even been dating casually on and off as recently as a year ago - right around the time their daughter had been conceived - she would feel terrible. Worse off, if he had willingly begun a relationship with her (particularly since she was certain their daughter hadn't been conceived until months into their relationship and a long time after she realized she was in love with him, and had assumed he had fallen in love with her) while he still chose to see Alice, she wasn't particularly sure she could forgive him. That would mean he had lied to her. When she had depended on him to be her truth, to be the one constant in her life, he lied. At least she could plead ignorance. What was his excuse she wondered, temporary memory loss?
He smiled at her when she walked into the house, getting up off the sofa to greet her. He always did that she realized; stand whenever she entered a room. One of the terribly polite mannerisms Brigitte had taught him over the years.
"Hey Syd. I finally got Jackie to sleep. I think I found something we might want to -"
She tossed her jacket and turned towards him. Later, she realized that she had already been poised to fight, having already passed judgment on Alice's innocent comment. "Vaughn, when did you break up with Alice?" she asked casually.
Mike stepped back slightly, noticing that she was distant, her face a professional mask and, for the first time in nearly a month, she had called him Vaughn. "A couple of years ago, Syd," he said offhandedly. By the time he had ended things with her, he had been so busy with Sydney that there hadn't been a lot of time to mark the date on his calendar. "Is everything okay?"
"I saw Alice today, at the print place in Palisades," she explained. He nodded, sensing that this was about to take a severe turn downwards. "She said that the last time she saw you was *about a year ago*."
"That sounds about right," he shrugged. When he read the _expression on Sydney's face, he felt sick to his stomach. "Syd, you don't think -"
"Were you sleeping with me and still dating Alice?" she asked. The words stumbled out of her mouth without much thought. She couldn't believe she was questioning the virtue of the most moral man she had known, but her brief encounter with his former flame had sent her reeling.
"Sydney! Are you-"
"Were you?!" she snapped. Where had he had the time, she wondered. After working with him for only a few months, she had realized that she was in love with him. As a result, she did everything she could to spend more time with him, even if they just shared long gazes full of want from across the warehouse.
"No! Damn it Sydney, when would I have had the time?"
"I don't know!" she snapped and shrugged. "It wasn't as though we planned on getting together and it's completely plausible that-" she started to rant, her voice still raised.
"Syd! Listen to yourself!" he yelled. He turned his back to her and pinched his nose, forcing himself to remain calm. At that point at least one of them had to be logical, before they said something they regretted or woke Jackie; or, worse off, both. Turning around, he met her eyes, hoping to break through the icy barrier he saw there. "Sydney, I was with Alice for six years, I never even brought up marriage once, and whenever she did, I did *everything* to change the topic. I love you, I'm marrying *you*, why else would I do that unless-"
"Because you knocked me up," she said, the tone of her voice sharp enough to break through diamonds.
Vaughn chuckled in disbelief and had to stop himself before his eyes rolled. "Syd, you've lost your mind," he said quietly. He then turned back towards her, searching for some way to break through the apparent veil of insanity that had temporarily shrouded her.
"We're you sleeping with me and seeing her? That would have been the perfect arrangement for you, wouldn't it?" she snorted in disgust as she began to pace. He continued to quietly watch, waiting for the calluses of insanity to break open and for her to come to her senses. "Is that all we were to you? Really, you could have slept with me in the afternoon and gone out with her for dinner and the movies the very same night! My God, were you seeing her when I was pregnant?!" she asked. When he looked at her, wondering if she was hearing herself, he innocently rolled his eyes. Except, it didn't break the tension as he had hoped it would, it seemed to send her over the edge. "You know what, maybe I don't know how to do this and we're just not ready," she decided, putting her coat back on and walking down the hall.
"Syd? Syd, what are you doing?" he asked as he watched her walk towards the nursery. Her movements remained purposeful as she silently walked into the nursery, quickly preparing Jackie and putting her in the carrier. "Sydney, where are you going?" he asked as she breezed by him and started back down the hallway.
"If you're not going to treat this like an adult -"
"Sydney, you're jumping to conclusions-"
"Am I?" she snapped, whipping around to look at him.
"Yes, I saw Alice on and off for a few months, but we have a *history* together Syd, and it was -"
"It was what, convenient? Normal? You *knew* what I could give you Vaughn, and I thought we had a real relationship, but apparently we just had a nice roll in the hay that resulted in our bastard daughter-"
"Sydney!" he yelled. After a few seconds, he continued in gentler tone, "Syd, listen to yourself -"
"I have listened to myself. You're the one who's talking and still not saying anything." She twirled around on her heel and walked out the door.
Helplessly he stood there, watching as she snapped Jackie in and then drove like a bat out of hell into the darkening night. After waiting only a few seconds, he slipped on his shoes and jacket, wondering what had taken control of her mind. If she had just taken a few patient moments to listen, she would have heard that he and Alice had ended for good before they had ever even kissed, and that he had never betrayed her.
For her part, Sydney slowed down once she was off the street and her home was no longer in sight. Taking a left towards the beach, she felt the tears start. Had she called her child a bastard? She shook her head in disgust as she checked on the sleeping angel in the rear view mirror. Regardless of Jacqueline's father and how angry she was at him, she didn't regret her daughter or who her father was. For so long he had been the only person to ever be honest with her... To imagine that he had been with Alice when any emotions existed between them, even before they were physically intimate, made her heart break and her stomach drop.
Fifteen minutes after they'd left the house, she pulled into a Burger King. Taking only a brief interlude to get Jackie, she nearly ran into the bathroom, sicker to her stomach than she ever recalled being. Even on the worse days of her pregnancy, her stomach hadn't been as tumultuous. Then again, she thought as she sat down on the toilet looking at Jackie sleeping in her carrier on the dirty bathroom floor, her stomach had been sick but her heart had been just fine. This time nothing was fine.
Had she been duped again? she thought in disgust as she wiped her face, taking a moment to change Jackie. Michael Vaughn had been the only person in her life who ever knew the real her and never lied to her.
What had happened along the way that had caused her to lose her judgment?
That answer's obvious, she thought as she picked up Jackie and held her tight. Somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love with him.
Sydney had always wanted to be normal with him. In the end - that seemingly unattainable end - all she had wanted was to be normal with him. There had been nothing to indicate that he didn't want that with her. Had she been so incredibly desperate to believe it that she had manifested signs in her mind? She had never thought he would take the easy way out. Even when they weren't physically together, knowing that he could have been with Alice while he felt something for her, made her feel as though he had cheated on her.
Taking a moment to adjust her hair, she forced herself to stop thinking. Time to compartmentalize, she noted as she grabbed Jackie's carrier. Hiding in a public bathroom sobbing and internally ranting certainly wasn't going to help any. On her way out she grabbed a newspaper from the stands and decided she would do something that could help.
Twenty minutes were spent in her parked car at the pier, the car light on as she circled job openings. Sydney had had enough deception and was certainly not going to stay with someone who would lie to her, all the while knowing how desperately she depended on him, needed him. No more, she thought briskly, she would depend on no one. The first step to independence was finding a job. It was spring, teachers would be hired, retired and fired over the next few weeks, and she intended to be in the first category.
With eight job openings circled, she tossed the folded newspaper down on the passenger's seat and started to drive again. Jackie was getting fussy and Sydney's aimless driving seemed to calm her. This should at least help one of us, she thought as she continued her drive. The city passed by her, lights, movement, and people. People who trusted those in their lives, and whose souls the only person they had ever allowed themselves to depend on, had not torn out.
Years later she would not recall how she eventually ended up in the one place she swore she'd never see again.
The warehouse.
Sitting in the cold, damp warehouse, she breastfed Jackie and looked around the abandoned building. Was there a sign somewhere in the building to indicate when she had stopped seeing things objectively? Did she have a memory that could be triggered by being here? The worse part was that Vaughn's deception had not only stirred up questions about him, but also painful questions about his relationship with her.
Was Jackie the sole reason they were together now? Had he just stumbled over a clumsy non-proposal because he was, by all accounts, an honorable man who had made a child with her? Was he really supposed to be with Alice, and she destined to be alone after losing Danny? Were they just thrown together for all eternity because of a second of passion and the wonders of genetics?
For her, the worst question was the one she didn't allow herself to think until she had spent nearly two hours pacing the warehouse, bouncing Jackie in her step.
Did he want to be with Alice?
Did he want normalcy with her? Two children and a house with a fence and a dog running in the yard?
Worse yet, if she hadn't become pregnant or the Alliance's end wasn't in sight, would he have had that with Alice?
Would he have had it all while she was in his life?
It was already two in the morning when he found her car at the warehouse, instantly flooding him with relief. He had spent the last few hours - a lifetime - looking for her. He had stopped at Jennie and Will's, Francie and Charlie's; he had even tracked down Jack Bristow's address to see if she was there. He went to the pier and found nothing; the Bluffs and the Palisades, the Observatory and the train station all resulted in the same. Finally, he went to the only other place that he could have imagined her going and feeling safe at two in the morning.
The one place she had always been safe, the one place where he had always promised it - the warehouse.
Sydney Bristow, the strong, beautiful, fragile woman he loved was slumped forward in the plastic chair, her face in her hands as their daughter slept in her carrier. Seeing them both safe made his heart start beating again. She had never run before, she had always faced problems head on and with his help. This was their first fight; the first time he had ever seen her flee. She was walking the line of defeat, and this was one battle he was not going to let her lose.
She didn't have to bother looking up to know it was him. Who else would go to a warehouse on the bad side of town at two in the morning? Only them, she thought. Only two dysfunctional, misguided, and confused individuals. This was certainly not normal, she thought, before her mind bitterly added that it was certainly not something he would have to worry about with Alice.
"Did you sleep with her when you were sleeping with me?" she asked softly, her chin resting on her hands and her eyes downcast.
He didn't skip a beat or even approach her when he answered, "No."
"When you broke up with her, around the first Thanksgiving we were working together, did you see her again after that? Did you date her after that?"
"Syd..." He sighed as her eyes met his, stony cold.
"Did you?" she challenged.
When he let out a sigh, his shoulders sagged. "It wasn't the ideal situation Syd -"
"It couldn't have been that bad," she replied flippantly. Following a few moments to regain her composure, she was calm as she continued to talk, "Did you see her while you had feelings for me?"
"We met up a few months after we broke up. . . We decided to give it another try. . . If things had been different Syd -"
"What? You would have been with me instead of fucking her?"
"Damn it Sydney! Is it wrong that I wanted something normal?"
"And I didn't?" By then they were yelling and screaming and Jackie's whimpers started to join in her parents' cries.
"No, you didn't. Not yet. You still got your adrenaline rush from kicking down the bad guy. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted and in love with you, but you were too busy saving the world to let me know -"
"I was trying to make the world some place where we *could* be together, but you were too busy with *Alice* to realize it!" she snapped.
"What about you Syd? What about Noah Hicks?"
"That was one stupid night! One stupid night and damn it, you know how guilty I felt after that!"
"How'd you feel about me then?"
"Did you want to be normal with her?" Sydney's question was nearly inaudible as she blinked away tears.
"What?" He was now fully confused at the abrupt shift in the questioning.
Her unwavering eyes met his, the clear tears bubbling up in front of her brown orbs. "Did you - no, *do you* want to be normal with her? Do you want her to have your children and help you name your dog and buy your minivan?" she asked softly. "Just say the word," she shrugged. "You can see Jackie, but I won't *force* you to put up with me," she finished, her tone so icy he swore he felt frostbite on his skin.
"Do you know when I realized I was in love with you?" he challenged. Her arms crossed over her chest and he instantly recognized her attempts to protect herself.
"No, Vaughn, when did you know?"
"When you walked into CIA that first time, with your red hair and your mouth was bleeding. You had just seen the darkest parts of the world for the first time, and while you had just had the shit kicked out of you, you hadn't let them take your soul. Do you remember what I said in my office?"
She sighed and uncrossed her arms, instead resting her hands on her hips. "First you turned the picture of Alice away so I couldn't see it," she recalled clearly as he sighed and wondered why she was being so difficult. "Then you said something about having an instinct about me."
"That's the understatement of the millennium," he muttered. "Damn it Sydney, I had known you less than a year and I risked my life and my job by breaking into SD-6 when you were taken hostage by Cole. I broke into the *Vatican* with you. I basically tossed every honored written - and unwritten - CIA rule of protocol out the window when I met you. I've been suspended and within inches of losing my life and my job. Alice and I broke up both times because I kept running out in the middle of night or at the oddest hours to see *you*. She got frustrated because even when I was with her, most of the time my mind was worrying about *you*. So in the course of our first year together, before I even laid a romantic hand on your body, I found out that your mother killed my father, proceeded to lose my girlfriend and nearly my job and my life to protect you," he reminded her. "You know what though?" he asked, shrugging slightly
"What?" she asked softly, feeling guilty for putting such weight on his ex-girlfriend's simple comment. The past didn't matter; what he had with Alice didn't matter. As much as it hurt her to realize it, what she shared with Danny was no longer of any consequence. Michael Vaughn was moral, her rock, and the faithful keeper of all her truth. He was the first person in her life that knew everything about her, good and bad, and yet he didn't abandon her or try to force her in to anything. What mattered was what they shared, what they had always shared - even when he was with Alice and she was mourning Danny. Anything in the past paled to all the storms they had been through together and victoriously survived.
"If it meant that at the end I'd get to be here with you and Jackie, have normalcy with you both, I'd do it all again," he whispered.
Sydney looked down at the ground and felt herself losing the battle with her tears. Since she was breastfeeding, she was still hormonal eight weeks after Jackie's birth.
"Syd? Are you okay?" he asked softly, stepping closer and placing a hand on her arm.
She felt even worse now. She had just yelled at him, questioning something that people - particularly government agents - held close: their honor. Regardless of how much she had just hurt him, he was worried about her. There was no doubt in her mind that he was one of the sweetest men she had ever known.
"I'm an idiot and we're having our first fight," she confessed tearfully as he laughed. His thumbs reached out to wipe away the tears that fell.
"Syd, we've fought before, a lot. Remember? A bloodmobile where you basically told me I knew nothing and you were the boss?"
"I still am," she sniffled as he smiled and nodded. "This is our first non-work fight."
"You're not an idiot and yes, it's our first fight, but it's okay," he reassured her, taking the incentive to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer. "I'm sorry Alice upset you so much," he whispered, kissing her temple. "This has not been an easy time for you, but it's over now. It might never be perfect, but we're together and I promise that I'm not going anywhere. I've screwed up before Syd, I can't say I haven't, but I'm here now. Things are the way they are now, not the way they were then. This is the way I wanted things, the way I've always wanted them - even when I was with Alice. I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm sorry about that whole 'knocked up' comment from before," she muttered against his shoulder.
"It's okay," he whispered, holding her close. "I'd marry you either way."
"I know," she nodded. "I told you I wasn't sure how to be in a relationship."
"You're doing fine Syd," he reassured her. Pulling away, he cradled her face in his hands. Their daughter, to her credit, had calmed herself down, having sensed her parents' aggravation slowly peeling away. "Let's go home, okay?"
She let out a shaky breath and nodded. Closing her eyes, she rested her head against his shoulder and nodded again.
"I didn't stop loving you when I was with her."
"I know," she whispered with a shaky breath.
"I fucked up Syd, I'm sorry," he confessed, running his fingers through her hair. "What she and I had has nothing to do with you and I, it takes nothing away from what I feel for you."
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she nodded again. "I love you."
"I love you too." He wrapped his arm around her and grabbed the carrier as they turned to leave.
Being in love didn't make everything better. Vaughn realized that he should have known seeing Alice, when he and Sydney felt so blatantly obvious for one another, would one day come back to hurt her and haunt him. She loved him though, and that made her far more likely to forgive his acts. He loved her, making him far more determined to keep the one thing that mattered to him, and that was what he held in his arms as he walked out of the warehouse during the earliest hours of a cold May morning.
Despite his long weekend, and his first knock 'em out fight with Syd, there was no reprieve for Vaughn when he walked back into work Monday morning. His wedding was in less than a month, and he was cutting out of work early that day to go look at a house that Sydney was already in love with. Saying no to her was never his strongpoint, and he was certain that if she loved it, they would inevitably put a bid on it.
"Where have you been?" Eric asked, trailing him into his office.
"Nice to see you too." He took a sip of his coffee and opened his briefcase.
"You might want to avoid your future father-in-law. He's blaming everybody who stands still long enough for the fact that we still haven't figured out how Sloane knows."
"As long as Sloane's in jail and the Alliance is in shambles, does it really matter?" he pointed out. "Jack said himself that the hit man Sloane sent out is dead."
"Just a word to the wise."
"Thanks." He smiled and sat down. "Don't forget I'm getting out of here early today, Syd and I are going to look at a house in Pacific Palisades."
"You're getting more and more domestic each day," he teased as Vaughn rolled his eyes, watching his best friend walk out the door.
In the afternoon, Vaughn met Sydney back at her house before they drove to meet the agent in Pacific Palisades. From the moment he pulled the Jeep into the driveway, he could understand how she'd fallen in love with it. The blue, single story, cape cod had rose bushes under the windows, flowers lining the walkway and a cute patio. There were three bedrooms, an office for him and a library for her, along with views of all types - ocean, mountain, and valley - in every direction. The price was more than Sydney had bargained for, but he put a bid in anyway. With his savings, it wasn't all that flamboyant, and between the two of them they'd be able to make the mortgage payment. Plus, the house was empty, and had been on the market for months, so he was certain the agent and owners were in a hurry to rid themselves of it. All they had to do was wait for their bid to be accepted and their mortgage to pass.
The phone call came in to him from their real estate agent on Friday afternoon. In the back of his mind he wondered if Jack Bristow had anything to do with their mortgage being approved in record time - what *doesn't* the man have power over, he wondered - but he didn't care. They could move in as soon as they wanted. The first call he put in was to an ecstatic Sydney, before he swung by a deli to pick up sandwiches and met her at the house in Pacific Palisades.
"How is it that things can come together so quickly?" she asked. The sun was starting to set over the city as they sat on the patio of their future home. Jackie rested in her car seat, sleeping in front of them as they finished their food.
"It's amazing," he agreed. "How's she sleeping?"
"Better," she smiled. "She's totally zonked now. She's getting so big, I can't believe it."
"She looks more like you every day."
"I don't think so," she smiled. "I think she looks more like you," she explained. "Hey, did I ever tell you that your mom, sister and Eric all responded to the invitations?"
"We already knew they were coming." He smiled and shook his head. "Francie said you were going dress shopping this weekend."
"I am," she agreed. "Sorry, but you can't come."
"I didn't think I was invited." He squeezed her hand and asked, "So do you like this place Syd?"
"I love it." She rested her head against his arm and sighed. "It's beautiful."
"You're beautiful," he whispered, going to capture her lips when his cell phone rang.
"The government never sleeps," she muttered as he stood up and walked into the house to take the call. "Your Daddy loves his job, he keeps people safe." She adjusted the blanket around her sleeping daughter as she explained, "I couldn't do it anymore though baby." She picked up her half-awake daughter and cuddled her close. "When you grow up I want you to do something that fulfills you, that makes you happy... Maybe you'll be lucky and find the person you love in your work, like I did," she explained into her daughter's big green eyes. "I might be a horrible mother, but I hope that you never want to do what your Daddy and Grandpa do. What I used to do... It's so dangerous sweetheart, it's so unsteady and unpredictable, and now... I want you to be safe and happy and protected," she sighed. "I can't keep you that way forever, although I wish I could." She kissed her as Vaughn stepped back onto the porch, a grave look on his face. "What?"
Silently he sat down on the swing and rested his elbows on his knees, still staring at his cell phone.
"Vaughn, what it is? You're scaring me."
He put his phone away and knew he had to start at the beginning. "The day I returned to work, I was called into Devlin's office," he started out, unable to look at her as he spoke. "Your father was there. Jack and Devlin explained that Sloane wasn't talking. There was - there *is* - a safe hidden somewhere in his office, but there were concerns that even if we discovered the safe we would set off charges of C-4 in the building. So, I went to talk to him. He insisted he wouldn't talk to anyone, not unless he could see Emily. As I was walking out of there, he stopped me and told me that he knew I was Jackie's father," he explained as she gasped.
"You knew this and didn't tell me?" she snapped and rose to her feet.
"Syd -"
"You've known this and didn't bother to mention it to me? For all we know there could be hits out on both of us -"
"There were," he stopped her. "There were Syd, there were hits on both you and I, but the man is dead. The hit man is dead, we're safe Syd, I promise."
"How could you not tell me? How could you keep secrets from me? We have a daughter together! Damn it, you know how I feel about secrecy -"
"I was trying to protect you Syd."
"That's not your job."
"Yes, Syd, it *is*," he stopped. "Damn it, we're going to be married! If my job isn't to protect you, what is it?"
"What about being *partners*?" she shot back. "I can take care of myself, you need to tell me these things! You can't keep secrets from me, this won't work if you do that. You need to tell me the truth -"
"Sit down and let me finish," he requested. She met his eyes and sighed before she sagged back down to the swing. Seconds later he did the same thing. "We still don't know how he found out, or when. We do know the hit was ordered eighty three minutes before we raided SD-6," he explained, this time meeting her eyes. "We're safe though Syd, I promise you we're safe."
"Is that what the phone call was about?"
"No," he shook his head. "It was about Sloane. The guard was called away for a few minutes from watching him, and something happened to the security cameras. . . They're still not sure what," he sighed. "When he got back to the cell, Sloane had hung himself."
"What?" She swallowed.
"He's dead Syd -"
"That bastard!" She jumped to her feet. "He always has to have the last laugh, doesn't he?"
"Syd, the important thing is that he's gone, he can't make you miserable anymore -"
"Emily," she realized and sat back down. "What about Emily?"
"I don't know," he shrugged.
"He's gone..." She rested against him as he pulled her close. "Is it really all over now?"
"I hope so." He held her tighter. "This has to be the end Syd, he's gone, and he can't hurt you ever again. Not you or me or Jackie. He's gone."
"How can it be over? How can he end it like this? The bastard doesn't have the right -"
"He doesn't," he agreed. "He doesn't have the right Syd, but it's over now. You can't let him win with your anger. He can't do anything ever again. You're stronger than he is, and you've survived this Syd. Everything he's done to you, you've survived it and you're better because of it."
"How did he find out? We were so careful!"
"We'll find out Syd, we won't stop working until we do. It's all over now though, you're safe. Nothing from SD-6 can hurt you now."
"I have my life back."
"Yes," he smiled, "you do."
Author: UConn Fan (Michele)
E-Mail: LoveUConnBasketball@yahoo.com
Story Summary: "Can I be normal?"
He shrugged, "what does normal mean anyway? You can be happy though, and that's about as close to normal as anyone can hope for." (Sequel to "Coming to Terms")
This Chapter: Will and Jennie share their news, Vaughn & Syd are movin' on up, Syd runs into Alice & we learn Sloane's fate
DISCLAIMER: I don't own ANY of these characters; they belong to Bad Robot, ABC, and the brilliant J.J. Abrams. Nor do I own anything remotely recognizable.
A/N: This includes the section that is also known as "About Alice . . ." - UConn girls are now 35-1 (the ONE damn loss to Villanova in the Big East Championship game - I can't complain, now they're 74-1 in their last 75 games, so I'll shut up now) and in the Final 4 (YAY!) and the guys are DONE! No more Mike Woodward sob or Tony Robertson sob - Tony might get into the NBA, but Mike was a benchwarmer SOB. He was SO CUTE! What else . . . Did you SEE what happened to my Derek! He got HURT! Ugh! Yankees are doing REALLY well though, so I'm happy, but watching Derek get hurt made me cringe (and I've had 10+ operations and have grown up with a nurse - very few things make me cringe). Poor Derek, but right now they're going to take a "conservative approach", so hopefully he'll be back sooner rather then later! Thanks to everyone still writing & reviewing, it means the world to me. I'm at a very hard point in my life, so talking to all of you and hearing your sweet words make me feel like my life isn't a total failure.
Eric Weiss pulled his car behind Mike's in an unfamiliar driveway. Waiting until Mike was out of his car, he followed suit, noticing that a third recognizable sedan was parked in the driveway. "I see your future father-in-law is here," he muttered as they walked towards the front door. "Are you sure not telling Sydney is the right thing to do?" he whispered as his friend searched his pockets for house keys.
"They told me they'd call both Jack and myself once they found what we were looking for from the security section tapes. Until then there's absolutely no reason to worry Sydney."
"Are you sure you're the one who should be making that decision?" he asked before Mike shot him a sharp look. "Never mind."
"I was her case handler for years, I'm going to be her husband in less than a month, I'm just trying to make her life easier."
"Okay," Eric agreed, silently glad he wasn't the one Sydney would be yelling at when she found out the truth.
"Hey," he called out as he entered the house. Several steps inside he smiled when he saw Sydney sitting with Jackie in her arms and Jack across from them.
"Hey you." Sydney stood and smiled at him, walking over to greet him with a kiss. "Hey, how are you?" she asked Weiss as Jack stood up to join them.
"I've been fine," he shrugged. "Jackie?" he asked, looking at the little girl half-asleep in her mother's arms.
"Yes, this is Jackie," her mother proudly confirmed. Stepping closer, Eric laughed at the obvious resemblance that the child had to both parents.
Glancing over his shoulder at his best friend he commented, "You realize she looks just like you, right?"
"There's definitely a resemblance," Michael chuckled and nodded.
"She's a beautiful baby," Eric complimented.
"I should be going," Jack realized.
Sydney was instantly disappointed as she cradled Jackie closer and looked at her father. "Dad, you don't -"
"There's still work I need to attend to," he quickly dismissed her concern. Eric and Michael exchanged silent glances, both aware that Jack was going back to headquarters to find out more about Sloane's realization of Sydney's double agent status. "Perhaps I'll come by tomorrow," he suggested, in hopes of erasing Sydney's sad _expression.
"That'd be nice," she smiled as her father leaned down to kiss his granddaughter's cheek.
"You behave little girl," he whispered to Jackie. Returning to his proud posture, he glanced over at the younger agents. "Have a nice evening," he said to both men before he gave his daughter's shoulder a gentle squeeze and walked out of the house.
"So," Eric asked as he plopped down on the coach, "what's for dinner?"
"Eric," Michael warned as Sydney laughed.
"You are more than welcomed to stay for dinner. We're having chicken. Will, Jennie, Francie and Charlie are coming over tonight too," she reminded her fiancé.
"Those are your friends, right?" Eric asked, recognizing the names from Sydney's dossier.
"Right. Francie and Charlie are married and Jennie and Will are hopefully engaged."
"Too bad, guess I can't hook up with anyone," he muttered as Michael rolled his eyes.
"How was my little girl today?" Michael asked, taking their daughter from Sydney and holding her close. "Syd I made a decision today," he announced as he followed her into the kitchen. By then, Eric had already made himself at home, having taken control of the television remote and channel surfing.
"What decision is that?" She smiled, feeling his gaze on her as she walked around the kitchen preparing the meal.
"Jackie can't date until she's forty."
"Forty?" she laughed. "Do you really feel that's necessary?"
"Absolutely!" he insisted. "Jackie is never going to find a man that's worthy of her."
"As long as she's happy and healthy I'll be happy," Sydney declared. "So, how was work?" she asked pleasantly.
"It was work," he sighed, not wanting to discuss it. Looking at him she immediately sensed something was being left unsaid.
"What happened?"
"Nothing Sydney," he dismissed with an edge in his voice. "It was just debriefs and paperwork, nothing of any relevance."
"Oh," she said softly. "I found a couple of house listings that sounded appealing. I thought I could call and we could go look at them later this week."
"That sounds great," he cheerfully agreed, walking up and kissing her. One arm held his daughter close while his free hand rested on her hip. "I love you," he reminded her as they broke apart.
Sydney's friends arrived shortly before it was time to serve dinner. By then Eric was completely enamored with the drooling, crying baby that Vaughn and Sydney adored. Once they entered, Jenny and Francie took the baby from him, cooing and kissing and doting on her as any beloved aunts would. Vaughn took his daughter and put her to rest in the swing, setting the swing up in the dining room as Sydney and Francie carried dinner out.
"This looks great," Eric noted.
"This is probably the closest thing he's come to a home cooked meal since he was at my mother's house last," Vaughn explained.
"Don't laugh," Eric stopped him.
"This does look delicious Syd, you really outdid yourself," Will agreed as she shrugged.
"It was nothing." She smiled as they passed around the trays, making their plates.
They had low, small talk as they began to eat. Jackie, content from her own recent feeding, fell quickly asleep by the rhythm of the swing. As their dinner started to come to an end, Will reached over and took Jennie's hand. "Actually guys, we have something we want to tell you."
"Yeah, what's that?" Francie smiled, a smile that indicated she already knew what was ahead. Sydney glanced quickly at Vaughn, who shook his head. This was Will and Jennie's night to announce their intentions, they'd announce their own plans soon enough.
"Jennie and I . . . "
"We're engaged!" she joyously finished, putting her hand out for them to see.
"It's beautiful!" Sydney and Francie agreed.
"Have you set a day yet? I can be your coordinator!" Francie insisted.
"No date yet," Jennie explained as Will laughed.
"Congratulations," Vaughn expressed sincerely as Eric agreed.
"We probably won't get married until next summer, I want lots of time to prepare." Jennie smiled, "Plus I have a big case coming up at the firm and I want that finished before I start this."
"We've got all the time in the world." Will said as he kissed her.
"What about you two?" Francie looked at her former roommate and the father of her future goddaughter. "Shouldn't a walk down the aisle be somewhere in your future?"
"Didn't you meet his family this weekend too? How'd that go?" Will added on.
"Yes, I met the Vaughns," she agreed. "They're fabulous, warm people. Jackie will be completely loved and spoiled by her cousin and Aunt and Grandmother."
"They loved Syd too," Vaughn added.
"And the walk down the aisle?" Jennie asked. "I don't mean to hurt either of you, but it seems to me you're about a year and a half or so late in that walk."
"Soon," Sydney nodded.
"How soon?" Francie pressed on.
"I'm not really sure that tonight -" she glanced over at Will and Jennie, both still basking in their news.
"Don't be silly Syd, whatever you have to tell us, let us know! We won't be offended," Jennie promised.
"We're planning on getting married June 19th at my mother's house," Vaughn admitted
"Congratulations!" They all moved to hug them before they sat down to finish their meals.
"That doesn't give us a lot of time, but we should be able to pull it off," Francie explained. "I have a friend who works in Palisades, she does calligraphy and stuff. She does the restaurant's menus. Anyway, we can go up there this weekend and get you invitations."
"We don't plan on having a lot of guests. We've basically already invited everyone who's going to be there, are invitations really necessary?" Sydney asked.
"Of course!" Francie exclaimed. "If anything, you want an invitation so one day Jackie can look at her parents' wedding invitation. Little sentimental stuff like that is great!"
"Okay," she laughed. "We'll go this weekend then."
Before Francie and Jennie could say anything, Jackie broke out into a colicky, smothered scream. "I'm sorry," Sydney spoke loudly as she put a hand up to stop Vaughn.
"I think it's colic Syd." Her fiancé appeared at her side as she gently eased the baby from the swing.
"Shh, hush sweetheart," she whispered, cuddling her baby close and swinging back and forth. "It's okay Jackie, it's going to be okay," she tried to calm the screaming infant.
"Do you want me to take her?" Vaughn offered as she shook her head.
"No, go eat, I'll just go take her back to the nursery."
The evening was a shuffle of people taking turns with an irritable, screaming Jackie. Everything Sydney could think that might work - singing, feeding, changing, bathing, she even set up the humidifier - failed. Jennie tried every trick she could imagine and even checked to see if she was teething (thankfully, she wasn't). It wasn't until nearly two in the morning that she was silenced, and Sydney suspected it had more to do with her exhaustion from screaming than anything they actually did as her parents.
"I'm so sorry she kept you up," Sydney whispered as she held their daughter and lay next to Vaughn in their bed.
"It's fine," he smiled tiredly and kissed his daughter's pudgy cheek. "I'll just nap during my lunch breaks from now on," he suggested as she laughed. The phone rang, stopping their laughter as he picked it up. "Hello?"
"Are you with my daughter?"
"Why?" he asked as Sydney glanced at him in concern.
"I don't want Sydney hearing this," Jack explained as Vaughn tossed the covers off.
"What's wrong?" Sydney asked as he covered the mouthpiece.
"It's nothing Syd, try to get to sleep, I'll be right back." He kissed her quickly before walking out of the room. "What'd you find out?"
"Sloane ordered the hit out on both you and Sydney exactly eighty three minutes before the CIA raided SD-6. The hit man he ordered, a man by the name of Geno Collins, is dead so there is no threat to any of you. However, what still concerns me is we don't know how Sloane discovered you were Jackie's father."
"Do you have any leads?" He sighed. Vaughn knew better than to ask the cause of Geno Collins death; he was better off being ignorant.
"We're still looking into it," Jack informed him. "Take care of them."
"I will," he agreed.
"And Mr. Vaughn, do me a favor."
"What's that?"
"Don't get too comfortable."
Vaughn sighed and hung up the phone. There was no winning over Jack Bristow, although he knew he'd never give up trying.
"Is anything wrong?" Sydney appeared in the kitchen, still holding their daughter.
"No," he stood and smiled. "Not at all. What are you doing out of bed?"
"Now that she's asleep, I can't sleep, so I was hoping some warm milk would help me."
"Warm milk?"
"It used to work when I was a kid," she shrugged. "Do you want some?"
"No," he shook his head and took their daughter. "We'll meet you back in bed."
"I'll be right there," they kissed as he walked back to their bedroom with their sleeping daughter.
The last Saturday of May, she went with Francie and Jennie to a print shop in Pasadena. Her two friends insisted that even though it was a small, private wedding, they had to have invitations. Sydney had initially protested, wondering why she needed invitations when they could just as easily invite the less than twenty guests by word of mouth. They insisted it was necessary; after all, didn't she want an invitation for her wedding album?
Vaughn stayed at her house with Jackie, who was starting to flirt with a case of colic. Sydney was grateful to be out of the house and enjoying the time with her friends. Francie was friends with the owner of the print shop and she was certain they would be able to convince him to print up to a few dozen invitations without any problems. The three spent fifteen minutes looking over styles and wording until she found something that she felt was simple enough and they approached the counter.
"Very nice choice," the clerk smiled. "Now, the bride and groom's names?"
"Sydney Bristow. That's S-Y-D-N-E-Y B-R-I-S-T-O-W."
"Your lucky groom?"
"Michael Vaughn. V-A-U-G-H-N."
"Excuse me?" a petite blonde asked, approaching Sydney. "Did you say Michael Vaughn?"
"Yes. Do you know him?" she asked, suddenly wondering if she was in some bad romantic comedy.
"I'm Alice Watson," she introduced. "Michael and I dated for several years... I suppose I haven't seen him in a year," she mused. "My goodness, I can't believe he's changed so much! I could never imagine him marrying," she laughed lightly.
"Did you say about a year?" Sydney asked, her spy-training kicking in at that tiny tidbit.
"Yes. About a year," she nodded. "Congratulations though, he's a wonderful man, you must be very lucky to be the one to have pulled him in."
Sydney forced a laugh and nodded. "Thank you. It was very nice to meet you."
"Yes, it was. Tell him I said hello."
"Yes, I will." She smiled as Alice walked away.
Although she insisted to her friends that she was fine, Sydney brewed over what Alice had said during hour-long drive home. It wasn't that they had dated for several years - she had already assumed that. No, it was that she hadn't seen him in a year. Logically, she knew that could mean something as simple as bumping into him at the grocery store a year ago, but that wasn't the impression the petite blonde had given her. Even meeting Alice had made her slightly insecure. She was still only eight weeks post-delivery and her body wasn't quite what it used to be. Her eyes were finally starting to return to their normal shade. Plus, if he had such an interest in petite blondes, what attracted him to her, when she was neither?
An unfamiliar, miserable emotion rolled through her stomach as she parked her car in the driveway. For the first time in her life, she was jealous. Noah Hicks had been her first serious beau, and as much as he had hurt her when he left, when he had been with her he didn't seem to even notice other women. Danny had certainly had other girlfriends in the past, but they had been in England, and as a result she never met or even heard about them. This was the first encounter she had ever had with one of her beau's ex-girlfriends, and she had walked away with a terrible feeling in her stomach and a bad taste in her mouth.
The truth was, if Vaughn (she wondered briefly why she slipped back to referring to him as that at that particular moment) and Alice had even been dating casually on and off as recently as a year ago - right around the time their daughter had been conceived - she would feel terrible. Worse off, if he had willingly begun a relationship with her (particularly since she was certain their daughter hadn't been conceived until months into their relationship and a long time after she realized she was in love with him, and had assumed he had fallen in love with her) while he still chose to see Alice, she wasn't particularly sure she could forgive him. That would mean he had lied to her. When she had depended on him to be her truth, to be the one constant in her life, he lied. At least she could plead ignorance. What was his excuse she wondered, temporary memory loss?
He smiled at her when she walked into the house, getting up off the sofa to greet her. He always did that she realized; stand whenever she entered a room. One of the terribly polite mannerisms Brigitte had taught him over the years.
"Hey Syd. I finally got Jackie to sleep. I think I found something we might want to -"
She tossed her jacket and turned towards him. Later, she realized that she had already been poised to fight, having already passed judgment on Alice's innocent comment. "Vaughn, when did you break up with Alice?" she asked casually.
Mike stepped back slightly, noticing that she was distant, her face a professional mask and, for the first time in nearly a month, she had called him Vaughn. "A couple of years ago, Syd," he said offhandedly. By the time he had ended things with her, he had been so busy with Sydney that there hadn't been a lot of time to mark the date on his calendar. "Is everything okay?"
"I saw Alice today, at the print place in Palisades," she explained. He nodded, sensing that this was about to take a severe turn downwards. "She said that the last time she saw you was *about a year ago*."
"That sounds about right," he shrugged. When he read the _expression on Sydney's face, he felt sick to his stomach. "Syd, you don't think -"
"Were you sleeping with me and still dating Alice?" she asked. The words stumbled out of her mouth without much thought. She couldn't believe she was questioning the virtue of the most moral man she had known, but her brief encounter with his former flame had sent her reeling.
"Sydney! Are you-"
"Were you?!" she snapped. Where had he had the time, she wondered. After working with him for only a few months, she had realized that she was in love with him. As a result, she did everything she could to spend more time with him, even if they just shared long gazes full of want from across the warehouse.
"No! Damn it Sydney, when would I have had the time?"
"I don't know!" she snapped and shrugged. "It wasn't as though we planned on getting together and it's completely plausible that-" she started to rant, her voice still raised.
"Syd! Listen to yourself!" he yelled. He turned his back to her and pinched his nose, forcing himself to remain calm. At that point at least one of them had to be logical, before they said something they regretted or woke Jackie; or, worse off, both. Turning around, he met her eyes, hoping to break through the icy barrier he saw there. "Sydney, I was with Alice for six years, I never even brought up marriage once, and whenever she did, I did *everything* to change the topic. I love you, I'm marrying *you*, why else would I do that unless-"
"Because you knocked me up," she said, the tone of her voice sharp enough to break through diamonds.
Vaughn chuckled in disbelief and had to stop himself before his eyes rolled. "Syd, you've lost your mind," he said quietly. He then turned back towards her, searching for some way to break through the apparent veil of insanity that had temporarily shrouded her.
"We're you sleeping with me and seeing her? That would have been the perfect arrangement for you, wouldn't it?" she snorted in disgust as she began to pace. He continued to quietly watch, waiting for the calluses of insanity to break open and for her to come to her senses. "Is that all we were to you? Really, you could have slept with me in the afternoon and gone out with her for dinner and the movies the very same night! My God, were you seeing her when I was pregnant?!" she asked. When he looked at her, wondering if she was hearing herself, he innocently rolled his eyes. Except, it didn't break the tension as he had hoped it would, it seemed to send her over the edge. "You know what, maybe I don't know how to do this and we're just not ready," she decided, putting her coat back on and walking down the hall.
"Syd? Syd, what are you doing?" he asked as he watched her walk towards the nursery. Her movements remained purposeful as she silently walked into the nursery, quickly preparing Jackie and putting her in the carrier. "Sydney, where are you going?" he asked as she breezed by him and started back down the hallway.
"If you're not going to treat this like an adult -"
"Sydney, you're jumping to conclusions-"
"Am I?" she snapped, whipping around to look at him.
"Yes, I saw Alice on and off for a few months, but we have a *history* together Syd, and it was -"
"It was what, convenient? Normal? You *knew* what I could give you Vaughn, and I thought we had a real relationship, but apparently we just had a nice roll in the hay that resulted in our bastard daughter-"
"Sydney!" he yelled. After a few seconds, he continued in gentler tone, "Syd, listen to yourself -"
"I have listened to myself. You're the one who's talking and still not saying anything." She twirled around on her heel and walked out the door.
Helplessly he stood there, watching as she snapped Jackie in and then drove like a bat out of hell into the darkening night. After waiting only a few seconds, he slipped on his shoes and jacket, wondering what had taken control of her mind. If she had just taken a few patient moments to listen, she would have heard that he and Alice had ended for good before they had ever even kissed, and that he had never betrayed her.
For her part, Sydney slowed down once she was off the street and her home was no longer in sight. Taking a left towards the beach, she felt the tears start. Had she called her child a bastard? She shook her head in disgust as she checked on the sleeping angel in the rear view mirror. Regardless of Jacqueline's father and how angry she was at him, she didn't regret her daughter or who her father was. For so long he had been the only person to ever be honest with her... To imagine that he had been with Alice when any emotions existed between them, even before they were physically intimate, made her heart break and her stomach drop.
Fifteen minutes after they'd left the house, she pulled into a Burger King. Taking only a brief interlude to get Jackie, she nearly ran into the bathroom, sicker to her stomach than she ever recalled being. Even on the worse days of her pregnancy, her stomach hadn't been as tumultuous. Then again, she thought as she sat down on the toilet looking at Jackie sleeping in her carrier on the dirty bathroom floor, her stomach had been sick but her heart had been just fine. This time nothing was fine.
Had she been duped again? she thought in disgust as she wiped her face, taking a moment to change Jackie. Michael Vaughn had been the only person in her life who ever knew the real her and never lied to her.
What had happened along the way that had caused her to lose her judgment?
That answer's obvious, she thought as she picked up Jackie and held her tight. Somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love with him.
Sydney had always wanted to be normal with him. In the end - that seemingly unattainable end - all she had wanted was to be normal with him. There had been nothing to indicate that he didn't want that with her. Had she been so incredibly desperate to believe it that she had manifested signs in her mind? She had never thought he would take the easy way out. Even when they weren't physically together, knowing that he could have been with Alice while he felt something for her, made her feel as though he had cheated on her.
Taking a moment to adjust her hair, she forced herself to stop thinking. Time to compartmentalize, she noted as she grabbed Jackie's carrier. Hiding in a public bathroom sobbing and internally ranting certainly wasn't going to help any. On her way out she grabbed a newspaper from the stands and decided she would do something that could help.
Twenty minutes were spent in her parked car at the pier, the car light on as she circled job openings. Sydney had had enough deception and was certainly not going to stay with someone who would lie to her, all the while knowing how desperately she depended on him, needed him. No more, she thought briskly, she would depend on no one. The first step to independence was finding a job. It was spring, teachers would be hired, retired and fired over the next few weeks, and she intended to be in the first category.
With eight job openings circled, she tossed the folded newspaper down on the passenger's seat and started to drive again. Jackie was getting fussy and Sydney's aimless driving seemed to calm her. This should at least help one of us, she thought as she continued her drive. The city passed by her, lights, movement, and people. People who trusted those in their lives, and whose souls the only person they had ever allowed themselves to depend on, had not torn out.
Years later she would not recall how she eventually ended up in the one place she swore she'd never see again.
The warehouse.
Sitting in the cold, damp warehouse, she breastfed Jackie and looked around the abandoned building. Was there a sign somewhere in the building to indicate when she had stopped seeing things objectively? Did she have a memory that could be triggered by being here? The worse part was that Vaughn's deception had not only stirred up questions about him, but also painful questions about his relationship with her.
Was Jackie the sole reason they were together now? Had he just stumbled over a clumsy non-proposal because he was, by all accounts, an honorable man who had made a child with her? Was he really supposed to be with Alice, and she destined to be alone after losing Danny? Were they just thrown together for all eternity because of a second of passion and the wonders of genetics?
For her, the worst question was the one she didn't allow herself to think until she had spent nearly two hours pacing the warehouse, bouncing Jackie in her step.
Did he want to be with Alice?
Did he want normalcy with her? Two children and a house with a fence and a dog running in the yard?
Worse yet, if she hadn't become pregnant or the Alliance's end wasn't in sight, would he have had that with Alice?
Would he have had it all while she was in his life?
It was already two in the morning when he found her car at the warehouse, instantly flooding him with relief. He had spent the last few hours - a lifetime - looking for her. He had stopped at Jennie and Will's, Francie and Charlie's; he had even tracked down Jack Bristow's address to see if she was there. He went to the pier and found nothing; the Bluffs and the Palisades, the Observatory and the train station all resulted in the same. Finally, he went to the only other place that he could have imagined her going and feeling safe at two in the morning.
The one place she had always been safe, the one place where he had always promised it - the warehouse.
Sydney Bristow, the strong, beautiful, fragile woman he loved was slumped forward in the plastic chair, her face in her hands as their daughter slept in her carrier. Seeing them both safe made his heart start beating again. She had never run before, she had always faced problems head on and with his help. This was their first fight; the first time he had ever seen her flee. She was walking the line of defeat, and this was one battle he was not going to let her lose.
She didn't have to bother looking up to know it was him. Who else would go to a warehouse on the bad side of town at two in the morning? Only them, she thought. Only two dysfunctional, misguided, and confused individuals. This was certainly not normal, she thought, before her mind bitterly added that it was certainly not something he would have to worry about with Alice.
"Did you sleep with her when you were sleeping with me?" she asked softly, her chin resting on her hands and her eyes downcast.
He didn't skip a beat or even approach her when he answered, "No."
"When you broke up with her, around the first Thanksgiving we were working together, did you see her again after that? Did you date her after that?"
"Syd..." He sighed as her eyes met his, stony cold.
"Did you?" she challenged.
When he let out a sigh, his shoulders sagged. "It wasn't the ideal situation Syd -"
"It couldn't have been that bad," she replied flippantly. Following a few moments to regain her composure, she was calm as she continued to talk, "Did you see her while you had feelings for me?"
"We met up a few months after we broke up. . . We decided to give it another try. . . If things had been different Syd -"
"What? You would have been with me instead of fucking her?"
"Damn it Sydney! Is it wrong that I wanted something normal?"
"And I didn't?" By then they were yelling and screaming and Jackie's whimpers started to join in her parents' cries.
"No, you didn't. Not yet. You still got your adrenaline rush from kicking down the bad guy. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted and in love with you, but you were too busy saving the world to let me know -"
"I was trying to make the world some place where we *could* be together, but you were too busy with *Alice* to realize it!" she snapped.
"What about you Syd? What about Noah Hicks?"
"That was one stupid night! One stupid night and damn it, you know how guilty I felt after that!"
"How'd you feel about me then?"
"Did you want to be normal with her?" Sydney's question was nearly inaudible as she blinked away tears.
"What?" He was now fully confused at the abrupt shift in the questioning.
Her unwavering eyes met his, the clear tears bubbling up in front of her brown orbs. "Did you - no, *do you* want to be normal with her? Do you want her to have your children and help you name your dog and buy your minivan?" she asked softly. "Just say the word," she shrugged. "You can see Jackie, but I won't *force* you to put up with me," she finished, her tone so icy he swore he felt frostbite on his skin.
"Do you know when I realized I was in love with you?" he challenged. Her arms crossed over her chest and he instantly recognized her attempts to protect herself.
"No, Vaughn, when did you know?"
"When you walked into CIA that first time, with your red hair and your mouth was bleeding. You had just seen the darkest parts of the world for the first time, and while you had just had the shit kicked out of you, you hadn't let them take your soul. Do you remember what I said in my office?"
She sighed and uncrossed her arms, instead resting her hands on her hips. "First you turned the picture of Alice away so I couldn't see it," she recalled clearly as he sighed and wondered why she was being so difficult. "Then you said something about having an instinct about me."
"That's the understatement of the millennium," he muttered. "Damn it Sydney, I had known you less than a year and I risked my life and my job by breaking into SD-6 when you were taken hostage by Cole. I broke into the *Vatican* with you. I basically tossed every honored written - and unwritten - CIA rule of protocol out the window when I met you. I've been suspended and within inches of losing my life and my job. Alice and I broke up both times because I kept running out in the middle of night or at the oddest hours to see *you*. She got frustrated because even when I was with her, most of the time my mind was worrying about *you*. So in the course of our first year together, before I even laid a romantic hand on your body, I found out that your mother killed my father, proceeded to lose my girlfriend and nearly my job and my life to protect you," he reminded her. "You know what though?" he asked, shrugging slightly
"What?" she asked softly, feeling guilty for putting such weight on his ex-girlfriend's simple comment. The past didn't matter; what he had with Alice didn't matter. As much as it hurt her to realize it, what she shared with Danny was no longer of any consequence. Michael Vaughn was moral, her rock, and the faithful keeper of all her truth. He was the first person in her life that knew everything about her, good and bad, and yet he didn't abandon her or try to force her in to anything. What mattered was what they shared, what they had always shared - even when he was with Alice and she was mourning Danny. Anything in the past paled to all the storms they had been through together and victoriously survived.
"If it meant that at the end I'd get to be here with you and Jackie, have normalcy with you both, I'd do it all again," he whispered.
Sydney looked down at the ground and felt herself losing the battle with her tears. Since she was breastfeeding, she was still hormonal eight weeks after Jackie's birth.
"Syd? Are you okay?" he asked softly, stepping closer and placing a hand on her arm.
She felt even worse now. She had just yelled at him, questioning something that people - particularly government agents - held close: their honor. Regardless of how much she had just hurt him, he was worried about her. There was no doubt in her mind that he was one of the sweetest men she had ever known.
"I'm an idiot and we're having our first fight," she confessed tearfully as he laughed. His thumbs reached out to wipe away the tears that fell.
"Syd, we've fought before, a lot. Remember? A bloodmobile where you basically told me I knew nothing and you were the boss?"
"I still am," she sniffled as he smiled and nodded. "This is our first non-work fight."
"You're not an idiot and yes, it's our first fight, but it's okay," he reassured her, taking the incentive to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer. "I'm sorry Alice upset you so much," he whispered, kissing her temple. "This has not been an easy time for you, but it's over now. It might never be perfect, but we're together and I promise that I'm not going anywhere. I've screwed up before Syd, I can't say I haven't, but I'm here now. Things are the way they are now, not the way they were then. This is the way I wanted things, the way I've always wanted them - even when I was with Alice. I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm sorry about that whole 'knocked up' comment from before," she muttered against his shoulder.
"It's okay," he whispered, holding her close. "I'd marry you either way."
"I know," she nodded. "I told you I wasn't sure how to be in a relationship."
"You're doing fine Syd," he reassured her. Pulling away, he cradled her face in his hands. Their daughter, to her credit, had calmed herself down, having sensed her parents' aggravation slowly peeling away. "Let's go home, okay?"
She let out a shaky breath and nodded. Closing her eyes, she rested her head against his shoulder and nodded again.
"I didn't stop loving you when I was with her."
"I know," she whispered with a shaky breath.
"I fucked up Syd, I'm sorry," he confessed, running his fingers through her hair. "What she and I had has nothing to do with you and I, it takes nothing away from what I feel for you."
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she nodded again. "I love you."
"I love you too." He wrapped his arm around her and grabbed the carrier as they turned to leave.
Being in love didn't make everything better. Vaughn realized that he should have known seeing Alice, when he and Sydney felt so blatantly obvious for one another, would one day come back to hurt her and haunt him. She loved him though, and that made her far more likely to forgive his acts. He loved her, making him far more determined to keep the one thing that mattered to him, and that was what he held in his arms as he walked out of the warehouse during the earliest hours of a cold May morning.
Despite his long weekend, and his first knock 'em out fight with Syd, there was no reprieve for Vaughn when he walked back into work Monday morning. His wedding was in less than a month, and he was cutting out of work early that day to go look at a house that Sydney was already in love with. Saying no to her was never his strongpoint, and he was certain that if she loved it, they would inevitably put a bid on it.
"Where have you been?" Eric asked, trailing him into his office.
"Nice to see you too." He took a sip of his coffee and opened his briefcase.
"You might want to avoid your future father-in-law. He's blaming everybody who stands still long enough for the fact that we still haven't figured out how Sloane knows."
"As long as Sloane's in jail and the Alliance is in shambles, does it really matter?" he pointed out. "Jack said himself that the hit man Sloane sent out is dead."
"Just a word to the wise."
"Thanks." He smiled and sat down. "Don't forget I'm getting out of here early today, Syd and I are going to look at a house in Pacific Palisades."
"You're getting more and more domestic each day," he teased as Vaughn rolled his eyes, watching his best friend walk out the door.
In the afternoon, Vaughn met Sydney back at her house before they drove to meet the agent in Pacific Palisades. From the moment he pulled the Jeep into the driveway, he could understand how she'd fallen in love with it. The blue, single story, cape cod had rose bushes under the windows, flowers lining the walkway and a cute patio. There were three bedrooms, an office for him and a library for her, along with views of all types - ocean, mountain, and valley - in every direction. The price was more than Sydney had bargained for, but he put a bid in anyway. With his savings, it wasn't all that flamboyant, and between the two of them they'd be able to make the mortgage payment. Plus, the house was empty, and had been on the market for months, so he was certain the agent and owners were in a hurry to rid themselves of it. All they had to do was wait for their bid to be accepted and their mortgage to pass.
The phone call came in to him from their real estate agent on Friday afternoon. In the back of his mind he wondered if Jack Bristow had anything to do with their mortgage being approved in record time - what *doesn't* the man have power over, he wondered - but he didn't care. They could move in as soon as they wanted. The first call he put in was to an ecstatic Sydney, before he swung by a deli to pick up sandwiches and met her at the house in Pacific Palisades.
"How is it that things can come together so quickly?" she asked. The sun was starting to set over the city as they sat on the patio of their future home. Jackie rested in her car seat, sleeping in front of them as they finished their food.
"It's amazing," he agreed. "How's she sleeping?"
"Better," she smiled. "She's totally zonked now. She's getting so big, I can't believe it."
"She looks more like you every day."
"I don't think so," she smiled. "I think she looks more like you," she explained. "Hey, did I ever tell you that your mom, sister and Eric all responded to the invitations?"
"We already knew they were coming." He smiled and shook his head. "Francie said you were going dress shopping this weekend."
"I am," she agreed. "Sorry, but you can't come."
"I didn't think I was invited." He squeezed her hand and asked, "So do you like this place Syd?"
"I love it." She rested her head against his arm and sighed. "It's beautiful."
"You're beautiful," he whispered, going to capture her lips when his cell phone rang.
"The government never sleeps," she muttered as he stood up and walked into the house to take the call. "Your Daddy loves his job, he keeps people safe." She adjusted the blanket around her sleeping daughter as she explained, "I couldn't do it anymore though baby." She picked up her half-awake daughter and cuddled her close. "When you grow up I want you to do something that fulfills you, that makes you happy... Maybe you'll be lucky and find the person you love in your work, like I did," she explained into her daughter's big green eyes. "I might be a horrible mother, but I hope that you never want to do what your Daddy and Grandpa do. What I used to do... It's so dangerous sweetheart, it's so unsteady and unpredictable, and now... I want you to be safe and happy and protected," she sighed. "I can't keep you that way forever, although I wish I could." She kissed her as Vaughn stepped back onto the porch, a grave look on his face. "What?"
Silently he sat down on the swing and rested his elbows on his knees, still staring at his cell phone.
"Vaughn, what it is? You're scaring me."
He put his phone away and knew he had to start at the beginning. "The day I returned to work, I was called into Devlin's office," he started out, unable to look at her as he spoke. "Your father was there. Jack and Devlin explained that Sloane wasn't talking. There was - there *is* - a safe hidden somewhere in his office, but there were concerns that even if we discovered the safe we would set off charges of C-4 in the building. So, I went to talk to him. He insisted he wouldn't talk to anyone, not unless he could see Emily. As I was walking out of there, he stopped me and told me that he knew I was Jackie's father," he explained as she gasped.
"You knew this and didn't tell me?" she snapped and rose to her feet.
"Syd -"
"You've known this and didn't bother to mention it to me? For all we know there could be hits out on both of us -"
"There were," he stopped her. "There were Syd, there were hits on both you and I, but the man is dead. The hit man is dead, we're safe Syd, I promise."
"How could you not tell me? How could you keep secrets from me? We have a daughter together! Damn it, you know how I feel about secrecy -"
"I was trying to protect you Syd."
"That's not your job."
"Yes, Syd, it *is*," he stopped. "Damn it, we're going to be married! If my job isn't to protect you, what is it?"
"What about being *partners*?" she shot back. "I can take care of myself, you need to tell me these things! You can't keep secrets from me, this won't work if you do that. You need to tell me the truth -"
"Sit down and let me finish," he requested. She met his eyes and sighed before she sagged back down to the swing. Seconds later he did the same thing. "We still don't know how he found out, or when. We do know the hit was ordered eighty three minutes before we raided SD-6," he explained, this time meeting her eyes. "We're safe though Syd, I promise you we're safe."
"Is that what the phone call was about?"
"No," he shook his head. "It was about Sloane. The guard was called away for a few minutes from watching him, and something happened to the security cameras. . . They're still not sure what," he sighed. "When he got back to the cell, Sloane had hung himself."
"What?" She swallowed.
"He's dead Syd -"
"That bastard!" She jumped to her feet. "He always has to have the last laugh, doesn't he?"
"Syd, the important thing is that he's gone, he can't make you miserable anymore -"
"Emily," she realized and sat back down. "What about Emily?"
"I don't know," he shrugged.
"He's gone..." She rested against him as he pulled her close. "Is it really all over now?"
"I hope so." He held her tighter. "This has to be the end Syd, he's gone, and he can't hurt you ever again. Not you or me or Jackie. He's gone."
"How can it be over? How can he end it like this? The bastard doesn't have the right -"
"He doesn't," he agreed. "He doesn't have the right Syd, but it's over now. You can't let him win with your anger. He can't do anything ever again. You're stronger than he is, and you've survived this Syd. Everything he's done to you, you've survived it and you're better because of it."
"How did he find out? We were so careful!"
"We'll find out Syd, we won't stop working until we do. It's all over now though, you're safe. Nothing from SD-6 can hurt you now."
"I have my life back."
"Yes," he smiled, "you do."