Xavier's Fables: The Blob and the Quicksilver
Welcome to my parody of Aesop's famous Fables, Evo style! I hope you all enjoy this.
********************
Xavier's Institute
"Welcome children." Xavier said as he smoked a pipe in his study with a roaring fire. A big book rested on his lap as he smiles. "Today, I am going to tell you all a story about two opposites." Xavier said with a sincere smile as he opened the large book.
"You're kidding, right?" Lance asked as he and the Brotherhood all gave Xavier a dumb look. The X-men shared the look as Logan pulled out a flask and took a nip and offered some to Beast, who took a nip as well. "Come on baldy, the only reason we're here is because you'd said that you would front the bills for us for awhile. What's a story have to do with…"
"JUST SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted, turning red with anger as he slammed the book shut.
"okay…" Lance said meekly as the Brotherhood all sat down in silence.
"Now lets start, shall we." Xavier said, returning to the nice Mr. Rogers persona as he opened the book again. "This story takes place in a land, far far away…"
********************
The Brotherhood House
"Hey this isn't that far away." Pietro pointed out as he stood in the Brotherhood pallor.
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted from out of the scene.
"Prissy." Pietro muttered as Blob and Lance walked in.
"What are you ranting about this time Pietro?" Lance asked as Pietro began to pace back and forth.
"There's no challenge here anymore!" Pietro shouted in despair. "I can't deal with this. I'm smarter, faster, better-looking, and much more athletic than everyone in this stupid town and I have nothing to do now because of it!"
"Not to mention more egotistical, heartless and a bigger jerk than anyone here." Blob said.
"That's not the point!"" Pietro cried.
"You have a point to all of this?" Lance asked in shock.
"Yes. The point is that I'm the greatest person in the world and that there's no longer a challenge for me out there!"
"My heart goes out to you." Lance said sarcastically.
"Hey, where's Toad?" Blob asked, changing the subject.
"He tried hitting on Wanda again." Lance answered. "Last time I saw him was when Wanda was chasing him with that axe."
"Poor little guy…" Blob muttered.
"EXCUSE ME! But I believe we were taking about me here! Not Toad. ME! This is my story damn it!" Pietro said as he began to tap his foot on the ground repeatedly.
"He's such a prima donna." Lance said as Blob agreed.
"Alright Pietro. You think you're so great?" Blob asked.
"Damn Skippy." Pietro stated.
"Alright then, I propose a race. I bet that I can get to the state line before you can." Blob stated defiantly.
"Ohhhhh, sound likes a challenge... Wait, what am I saying. This isn't a challenge." Pietro stated as he ran circles around Blob.
"The I guess you wouldn't be above putting down a little wager on this test." Blob said as he smiled.
"Oooohh, let's make it interesting…" Pietro said as he rubbed his hands together.
"Anything you want if you win." Blob said.
"Um, Freddy? Did you hit your head when you woke up this morning?" Lance asked.
"No. At least I don't think so." Blob said as he rubbed the back of his head and looked around confusedly.
"How about this." Pietro said as he rubbed his hands together. "If I win, then you have be my slave for the rest of your life."
"I already am your slave thanks to your father." Blob said simply.
"Oh yea. Well in that case, from now on you'll have to clean up the mess Toad makes when he tries to bake Wanda his bug cakes."
"That's harsh." Lance winced. "So very harsh…"
"Okay. But if I win, you have to where a diaper and bonnet and dance around Bayville High for an week…"
"No problem." Pietro quipped.
"At normal pace." Blob added.
"Crud." Pietro said as his face sunk.
"So are we on?" Blob asked.
"Of course." Pietro said with a smile. "This is going to be the easiest bet I've ever one." Pietro said with a smile as Lance look worried.
"I've got a BAD feeling about this." Lance gulped.
********************
The next day
"Let me get this strait, Pietro and Blob are going to have a race?" Wanda asked skeptically.
"Yep." Lance said as Blob was stretching out in his jumbo-jogging outfit.
"This has doom written all over it." Toad said from his position in a body cast.
"SILENCE!" Wanda snapped at him.
"Yes love muffin." Toad said meekly.
"Are you ready yet!" Pietro snapped as he paced back and forth. "Jeeze, I'm ready already! How are you going to win this Blob? Huh? I'll be a merciful leader and give you one chance to back out of this."
"No." Blob said simply as he stretched his arms out and got into position.
"Alrighty then, Lance, whenever you're ready?" Pietro said as he got next to Blob.
"Sigh. First one to cross the Bayville State line at the designated area wins. Pyro and Colossus are there and will announce the winner after he crosses the state line AT THE DESIGNATED POINT!" Lance stressed. Lance then pulled out a gun. He hesitated for a moment, contemplating using it on Pietro, but decided against it. "GO!" Lance shouted as he fired the gun in the air. Pietro sped off and Blob began to waddle away as an American Bald Eagle landed at Lances feet, dead.
"An American Bald Eagle!" Toad cried as he rolled himself over in his wheelchair.
"Aren't they extinct?" Lance asked.
"They are now." Wanda muttered.
********************
Halfway through the race
"Well, I do believe I put enough distance between me a and Lardo to the point that I can take a break." Pietro said as he ran to a sunny field and appeared with an entire picnic spread. "This is the life…" Pietro said as he popped the top off a bottle of champagne.
********************
Across the field
"Edward! What is this?" Dorothy asked as Kelly led her blindfold into a field.
"A little surprise my pet." Kelly purred, as he looked at where his surprise picnic sped used to be. "Uh oh." Kelly muttered as Dorothy removed the blindfold.
"Edward? What is this?" Dorothy asked as Kelly began to bang his head on a tree.
********************
One mile from the start line.
"Eye of the tiger Freddy." Blob thought to himself. "Keep breathing, that's the key to it all…" Blob thought as he steadily made his way to the finish line.
"This is sad." Lance said as he drove by with Wanda and Toad.
"So very sad." Toad said simply as they drove by.
" Grasp the Eye of the tiger Freddy…" Blob gasped.
********************
France
"We, we my pets." Pietro crowed as he wined and dined several gorgeous French women.
"Ooh, mister Pietro, you are so, how do you say, cute." One of them purred as they all fondled him.
"Its good to be the Pietro." Pietro said as he made his eyebrows dance ass the girls all laughed.
********************
Ten miles from the finish line
"Almost there Freddy…" Blob muttered as he was sweating buckets, creating a minor flood behind him as he continued to run steadily towards the finish line. Ants screamed for mercy as they drowned in Blobs sweat. (A/N: Ewwwwww!)
********************
The Finish Line
"Wait, you mean Pietro hasn't crossed the line yet?" Lance asked in exuberance.
"Yep. The Bloody plonkers probably goofing off again." Pyro stated as Toad took out a pair of binoculars.
"Wow, Freddy's not that far away." Toad said. "He may just win this one."
"Yea, well Pietro's no slouch either." Colossus said as he licked his lips. Everyone stared at him as they backed away slowly.
********************
Xavier's
"He's at it again." Logan moaned as they looked at their ruined mansion. Toilet paper was littered all over the place and it was painted electric pink.
"I hate those kids so much…" Xavier moaned as he pulled out a bottle and took a drink from it.
********************
The finish Line
"Come on Freddy! You're almost there!" Lance shouted as Blob struggled to make it to the finish line. Pietro was nowhere in site as Blob began to cover the last twenty feet of the race.
"I'm gonna beat Pietro!" Blob cried in joy.
"No. You aren't." Pietro said as he appeared one step away from the finish line and with a cocky smile stepped over it. Everyone gasped in shock.
"WHAT!" Blob shouted as he finished the race and walked over to Pietro. "THIS ISN'T WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"
"Wasn't this was supposed to a be an Tortoise and Hare story?" Lance asked as he scratched his head. "I have no clue on what's going on here."
"If you think that I was going to let you beat me, then you got another thing coming buster." Pietro said cockily as he stuck out his tongue at Blob, who was fuming.
"Wow. This was highly unexpected." Wanda stated as a vein on Freddy's head began to throb.
"THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY STORY OF TRIUMP!" Blob screamed as he tackled Pietro to the ground and began to beat him savagely. "MY STORY OF VICTORY! ME! NOT YOU DAMN IT!" Blob shouted as he power bombed Pietro onto the concrete and continued to beat him.
"Ohhhhh…" He ain't pretty no more." Pyro muttered.
"So much for slow and stable wins the race…" Toad said as Pietro screamed in the background.
"I don't think Freddy was all that stable in the first place." Lance winced as he avoided a splash of Pietro's blood.
********************
Back in reality
"And so the beating continued long into the night, until Blob finally put Pietro out of all of our miseries." Xavier read with a smile. "Then the police arrest poor Freddy and he was convicted of first degree man slaughter and sentence to 30 years in prison, where he was killed by a Shiv in the back four years into his sentence." Xavier said as he closed the book. The X-Men and Brotherhood stared at Xavier in utter shock. Except for Wanda, who had a huge smile.
"Holy hell!' Scott stated.
"You really need help…" Lance stated.
"Tell it again! Tell it again!" Wanda clapped.
"You need help." Jean said to Wanda.
"I'm sorry Pietro!' Blob cried as he hugged Pietro.
"I'm sorry too Freddy!" Pietro cried as he hugged Blob back.
"So children, do any of you know the moral of today's story?" Xavier asked.
"That you're a demented old man in need of help?" Lance asked.
"No. In fact, why don't we spin the wheel of morality to find out today's moral?" Xavier said as he pointed to a giant wheel that looked like it belonged on the Price is Right. "Rouge, be a dear and spin it."
"Did you just call me a "deer" ?" Rouge asked.
"SPIN THE DAMN WHEEL!" Xavier shouted as Rouge scurried over to the wheel and gave it a spin.
"Wheel of morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn…" Rouge recited in a monotone voice. The wheel landed on the number 46 and Rouge pulled out a book and flipped a couple of page. "Moral number 46: Never trust whitey." Rouge recited.
"What in the blue hell is that supposed to mean?" Lance asked.
"I don't think it was that complicated. Just don't trust whitey." Xavier said with a smile. "Now join us next time children, when I'll tell you another story."
"Yea, that will happen." Toad said.
"It's got to, otherwise Descendent won't have another story series to write." Nightcrawler stated as the mutants looked at him strangely. "What?"
********************
Well, what did you all think? Did you like? I hope you did. Join in next time when Xavier will tell us all the tale of the X-Men and the Brotherhood.
Peace out,
Descendent.
Welcome to my parody of Aesop's famous Fables, Evo style! I hope you all enjoy this.
********************
Xavier's Institute
"Welcome children." Xavier said as he smoked a pipe in his study with a roaring fire. A big book rested on his lap as he smiles. "Today, I am going to tell you all a story about two opposites." Xavier said with a sincere smile as he opened the large book.
"You're kidding, right?" Lance asked as he and the Brotherhood all gave Xavier a dumb look. The X-men shared the look as Logan pulled out a flask and took a nip and offered some to Beast, who took a nip as well. "Come on baldy, the only reason we're here is because you'd said that you would front the bills for us for awhile. What's a story have to do with…"
"JUST SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted, turning red with anger as he slammed the book shut.
"okay…" Lance said meekly as the Brotherhood all sat down in silence.
"Now lets start, shall we." Xavier said, returning to the nice Mr. Rogers persona as he opened the book again. "This story takes place in a land, far far away…"
********************
The Brotherhood House
"Hey this isn't that far away." Pietro pointed out as he stood in the Brotherhood pallor.
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted from out of the scene.
"Prissy." Pietro muttered as Blob and Lance walked in.
"What are you ranting about this time Pietro?" Lance asked as Pietro began to pace back and forth.
"There's no challenge here anymore!" Pietro shouted in despair. "I can't deal with this. I'm smarter, faster, better-looking, and much more athletic than everyone in this stupid town and I have nothing to do now because of it!"
"Not to mention more egotistical, heartless and a bigger jerk than anyone here." Blob said.
"That's not the point!"" Pietro cried.
"You have a point to all of this?" Lance asked in shock.
"Yes. The point is that I'm the greatest person in the world and that there's no longer a challenge for me out there!"
"My heart goes out to you." Lance said sarcastically.
"Hey, where's Toad?" Blob asked, changing the subject.
"He tried hitting on Wanda again." Lance answered. "Last time I saw him was when Wanda was chasing him with that axe."
"Poor little guy…" Blob muttered.
"EXCUSE ME! But I believe we were taking about me here! Not Toad. ME! This is my story damn it!" Pietro said as he began to tap his foot on the ground repeatedly.
"He's such a prima donna." Lance said as Blob agreed.
"Alright Pietro. You think you're so great?" Blob asked.
"Damn Skippy." Pietro stated.
"Alright then, I propose a race. I bet that I can get to the state line before you can." Blob stated defiantly.
"Ohhhhh, sound likes a challenge... Wait, what am I saying. This isn't a challenge." Pietro stated as he ran circles around Blob.
"The I guess you wouldn't be above putting down a little wager on this test." Blob said as he smiled.
"Oooohh, let's make it interesting…" Pietro said as he rubbed his hands together.
"Anything you want if you win." Blob said.
"Um, Freddy? Did you hit your head when you woke up this morning?" Lance asked.
"No. At least I don't think so." Blob said as he rubbed the back of his head and looked around confusedly.
"How about this." Pietro said as he rubbed his hands together. "If I win, then you have be my slave for the rest of your life."
"I already am your slave thanks to your father." Blob said simply.
"Oh yea. Well in that case, from now on you'll have to clean up the mess Toad makes when he tries to bake Wanda his bug cakes."
"That's harsh." Lance winced. "So very harsh…"
"Okay. But if I win, you have to where a diaper and bonnet and dance around Bayville High for an week…"
"No problem." Pietro quipped.
"At normal pace." Blob added.
"Crud." Pietro said as his face sunk.
"So are we on?" Blob asked.
"Of course." Pietro said with a smile. "This is going to be the easiest bet I've ever one." Pietro said with a smile as Lance look worried.
"I've got a BAD feeling about this." Lance gulped.
********************
The next day
"Let me get this strait, Pietro and Blob are going to have a race?" Wanda asked skeptically.
"Yep." Lance said as Blob was stretching out in his jumbo-jogging outfit.
"This has doom written all over it." Toad said from his position in a body cast.
"SILENCE!" Wanda snapped at him.
"Yes love muffin." Toad said meekly.
"Are you ready yet!" Pietro snapped as he paced back and forth. "Jeeze, I'm ready already! How are you going to win this Blob? Huh? I'll be a merciful leader and give you one chance to back out of this."
"No." Blob said simply as he stretched his arms out and got into position.
"Alrighty then, Lance, whenever you're ready?" Pietro said as he got next to Blob.
"Sigh. First one to cross the Bayville State line at the designated area wins. Pyro and Colossus are there and will announce the winner after he crosses the state line AT THE DESIGNATED POINT!" Lance stressed. Lance then pulled out a gun. He hesitated for a moment, contemplating using it on Pietro, but decided against it. "GO!" Lance shouted as he fired the gun in the air. Pietro sped off and Blob began to waddle away as an American Bald Eagle landed at Lances feet, dead.
"An American Bald Eagle!" Toad cried as he rolled himself over in his wheelchair.
"Aren't they extinct?" Lance asked.
"They are now." Wanda muttered.
********************
Halfway through the race
"Well, I do believe I put enough distance between me a and Lardo to the point that I can take a break." Pietro said as he ran to a sunny field and appeared with an entire picnic spread. "This is the life…" Pietro said as he popped the top off a bottle of champagne.
********************
Across the field
"Edward! What is this?" Dorothy asked as Kelly led her blindfold into a field.
"A little surprise my pet." Kelly purred, as he looked at where his surprise picnic sped used to be. "Uh oh." Kelly muttered as Dorothy removed the blindfold.
"Edward? What is this?" Dorothy asked as Kelly began to bang his head on a tree.
********************
One mile from the start line.
"Eye of the tiger Freddy." Blob thought to himself. "Keep breathing, that's the key to it all…" Blob thought as he steadily made his way to the finish line.
"This is sad." Lance said as he drove by with Wanda and Toad.
"So very sad." Toad said simply as they drove by.
" Grasp the Eye of the tiger Freddy…" Blob gasped.
********************
France
"We, we my pets." Pietro crowed as he wined and dined several gorgeous French women.
"Ooh, mister Pietro, you are so, how do you say, cute." One of them purred as they all fondled him.
"Its good to be the Pietro." Pietro said as he made his eyebrows dance ass the girls all laughed.
********************
Ten miles from the finish line
"Almost there Freddy…" Blob muttered as he was sweating buckets, creating a minor flood behind him as he continued to run steadily towards the finish line. Ants screamed for mercy as they drowned in Blobs sweat. (A/N: Ewwwwww!)
********************
The Finish Line
"Wait, you mean Pietro hasn't crossed the line yet?" Lance asked in exuberance.
"Yep. The Bloody plonkers probably goofing off again." Pyro stated as Toad took out a pair of binoculars.
"Wow, Freddy's not that far away." Toad said. "He may just win this one."
"Yea, well Pietro's no slouch either." Colossus said as he licked his lips. Everyone stared at him as they backed away slowly.
********************
Xavier's
"He's at it again." Logan moaned as they looked at their ruined mansion. Toilet paper was littered all over the place and it was painted electric pink.
"I hate those kids so much…" Xavier moaned as he pulled out a bottle and took a drink from it.
********************
The finish Line
"Come on Freddy! You're almost there!" Lance shouted as Blob struggled to make it to the finish line. Pietro was nowhere in site as Blob began to cover the last twenty feet of the race.
"I'm gonna beat Pietro!" Blob cried in joy.
"No. You aren't." Pietro said as he appeared one step away from the finish line and with a cocky smile stepped over it. Everyone gasped in shock.
"WHAT!" Blob shouted as he finished the race and walked over to Pietro. "THIS ISN'T WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"
"Wasn't this was supposed to a be an Tortoise and Hare story?" Lance asked as he scratched his head. "I have no clue on what's going on here."
"If you think that I was going to let you beat me, then you got another thing coming buster." Pietro said cockily as he stuck out his tongue at Blob, who was fuming.
"Wow. This was highly unexpected." Wanda stated as a vein on Freddy's head began to throb.
"THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY STORY OF TRIUMP!" Blob screamed as he tackled Pietro to the ground and began to beat him savagely. "MY STORY OF VICTORY! ME! NOT YOU DAMN IT!" Blob shouted as he power bombed Pietro onto the concrete and continued to beat him.
"Ohhhhh…" He ain't pretty no more." Pyro muttered.
"So much for slow and stable wins the race…" Toad said as Pietro screamed in the background.
"I don't think Freddy was all that stable in the first place." Lance winced as he avoided a splash of Pietro's blood.
********************
Back in reality
"And so the beating continued long into the night, until Blob finally put Pietro out of all of our miseries." Xavier read with a smile. "Then the police arrest poor Freddy and he was convicted of first degree man slaughter and sentence to 30 years in prison, where he was killed by a Shiv in the back four years into his sentence." Xavier said as he closed the book. The X-Men and Brotherhood stared at Xavier in utter shock. Except for Wanda, who had a huge smile.
"Holy hell!' Scott stated.
"You really need help…" Lance stated.
"Tell it again! Tell it again!" Wanda clapped.
"You need help." Jean said to Wanda.
"I'm sorry Pietro!' Blob cried as he hugged Pietro.
"I'm sorry too Freddy!" Pietro cried as he hugged Blob back.
"So children, do any of you know the moral of today's story?" Xavier asked.
"That you're a demented old man in need of help?" Lance asked.
"No. In fact, why don't we spin the wheel of morality to find out today's moral?" Xavier said as he pointed to a giant wheel that looked like it belonged on the Price is Right. "Rouge, be a dear and spin it."
"Did you just call me a "deer" ?" Rouge asked.
"SPIN THE DAMN WHEEL!" Xavier shouted as Rouge scurried over to the wheel and gave it a spin.
"Wheel of morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn…" Rouge recited in a monotone voice. The wheel landed on the number 46 and Rouge pulled out a book and flipped a couple of page. "Moral number 46: Never trust whitey." Rouge recited.
"What in the blue hell is that supposed to mean?" Lance asked.
"I don't think it was that complicated. Just don't trust whitey." Xavier said with a smile. "Now join us next time children, when I'll tell you another story."
"Yea, that will happen." Toad said.
"It's got to, otherwise Descendent won't have another story series to write." Nightcrawler stated as the mutants looked at him strangely. "What?"
********************
Well, what did you all think? Did you like? I hope you did. Join in next time when Xavier will tell us all the tale of the X-Men and the Brotherhood.
Peace out,
Descendent.