Xavier's Fables: The Brotherhood and the X-Men
Ahhh, time to make Aesop continue to roll over in his grave…
********************
Xavier's
"Why are we here?" Lance asked Pietro.
"Because he never let us leave after telling the first story…" Pietro said dryly.
"Welcome my children." Xavier said with a huge smile as he sat in front of a roaring fireplace, smoking his pipe.
"If you're my father than I am seriously screwed…" Blob quipped.
"I'm sorry Freddy, I'm not your father, Logan is…." Xavier said with a smile as Blob got a look of horror on his face as everyone stared at Wolverine, who had a look of shock on his face.
"I never got that drunk…" Logan said defensively as he took a nip from his flask. "Well there was that one night seventeen years ago when I was down south..."
"Hush now. Are you all ready for today's tale of wonder and joy?" Xavier said, drawing everyone's attention back to him.
"Do we have a choice?" Toad asked dryly.
"No." Xavier said, never breaking his smile.
"That's not Tobacco in the pipe, is it?" Lance asked as Xavier smiled even harder after taking a deep breath of the smoke that radiated from his pipe.
"No it isn't Lance." Xavier smiled. "Now today's story takes place in a land far, far away…"
********************
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House
"Cripes!" Lance cried. "How many times do we have to tell you that this isn't that far away?"
"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY AND ENJOY!" Xavier shouted from off screen.
"I really do hate that man…" Lance said as he walked into the kitchen where the rest of the Brotherhood was lounging around, doing nothing. "What are you morons up to?"
"Nothing at all." Pietro said as he lay back in a chair and relaxed. "We being as lazy and doing as little work as possible."
"That sounds like a plot device to me." Lance said as he sat down and stretched out.
"So any plans at all for the nice warm summer months?" Wanda asked as she stretched out, Toad gawking at her.
"None at all…" Blob said as he ate a bag of chips as Toad was sent flying behind him and into the wall. "In fact, I plan on eating all the food in the house…" Blob recited
"I wonder what the X-Geeks are up to?" Wanda asked.
"Let's find out!" Pietro shouted as he stood up. "I'll drive!"
"NO!" The Brotherhood shouted as they tackled him to the ground.
"Get the duct tape!" Toad cried.
********************
Xavier's
"Come on people, we have work to do!" Scott shouted as the X-Men worked hard to rebuild their mansion after Mystique blew it up.
"Is it me, or is there a huge continuity problem here?" Evan asked as a sharp whip crack hit him on the back. "Ow!"
"Back to work boy…" Wolverine said as he whirled the whip in the air again.
"Damn that stings…" Evan moaned as he went back to hauling heavy rocks. Meanwhile Beast was directing the new mutants, who were wearing orange jumpsuits and chained at the ankle to each other. Beast was wearing a pair of Texas sunglasses and held a shotgun in his hands as he paced back and forth.
"Workin' here Boss!" Bobby cried.
"Sweatin' here Boss!" Amara said.
"Breaking rocks here Boss!' Ray called out.
"Breathin' here Boss!" Roberto shouted.
"Plotting world domination here Boss!" Magneto called out.
"How the hell did he get there?" Lance asked as the Brotherhood watched from the jeep over the ridge.
"That's a good question." Pietro said. "I mean, if the continuity says anything, this is right after I saved him from the flaming sentinel and we should be in a secret lair right now, yet I'm here and he's there. Why is that?"
"That's another good question." Wanda stated.
"STOP POINTING OUT STORY HOLES!" Xavier's voice screamed from out of scene.
"He scares me." Toad said simply.
"He scares us all." Blob said as the Brotherhood continued to watch the X-men rebuild their mansion.
"I wonder where Xavier makes all the money needed to fix this place and keep it running…" Lance asked.
********************
Bayville Bank
"NOBODY MOVE!" A wheel chaired gunman shouted as he robbed the bank.
"Cripes, it's the cops!" A taller female with nylons over her face shouted.
"You will remember nothing…" The wheelchair bound gunman stated as he waved his hand at the scared customers as he and the female took off in a black van.
"What, does he think he's a Jedi or something?" The bank teller asked no one in particular.
********************
Back at Xavier's
"NAAA…" the Brotherhood all said as once.
"Hey it could happen." Wanda said simply.
"McWORLD!" Blob then shrieked as the Brotherhood all stared at him. "Sorry." Blob said as he backed away slowly.
"Man look at them work like little ants…" Toad said. "Sweet delicious tasty ants…"
"I hope you folks were paying attention, that was important." Pietro said simply. "Well except for the "sweet delicious tasty" part. It's best to try and forget that. It's what we do." Pietro said as he stares at the screen.
"Who are you taking to?" Wanda asked as she gave Pietro a look.
"No one." Pietro said as he turned his attention back to what was at hand.
"Look at those losers, working hard to rebuild there home before the cold, cold winter comes." Lance snickered, as suddenly the X-Men appeared a few feet from them.
"How the hell?" Toad asked as he pointed at the X-Men with one hand and with the other pointed at where they used to be. "That's... not…possible… Continuity, screwing…up, so badly…" Toad said as he tried to comprehend what had happened as his arms moved back and forth in confusion.
"You guys are the real losers." Evan stated as the Brotherhood stared at him for a few minutes before breaking down in hysterical laughter. "I'm going to my room." Evan said as he sulked away.
"Ahhh… That's funny." Blob said as he wiped a tear from his eye.
"So what do you… Heh Heh Heh… geeks want?" Lance said as he tried to hold in his laughter.
"You know, you guys shouldn't be so lazy…" Scott scolded. "Winter is going to be coming soon and your house isn't very warm or safe to stay in."
"Plus you guys don't have a lot of money so you should save your food." Kurt pointed out as he gorged himself on another gut buster.
"You disgust me." Blob said as he stared daggers at Kurt.
"Hey. He's my rival. You got Jean." Toad stated.
"But I don't want Jean…" Blob whined.
"Hey, you drew the short straw, so deal with it." Lance snapped.
"HEY! I'm not that bad a person to hate, am I?" Jean asked as everyone turned away and began to whistle. "Oh." Jean said dejectedly. "I'm going to be in my room." Jean muttered as she wandered off.
"Look the point is you guys should work hard before the hard times come." Scott stated.
"Whatever." Lance said as the Brotherhood got back into the jeep and drove away, running Jean over in the process, but hey, who cares?
"PROFESSOR!" Jean's voice screamed from off screen.
"SILENCE WHELP!" Xavier's voice shouted as he continued his tale. "And so the Brotherhood spent the summer and fall months playing around, goofing off and doing absolutely nothing of importance. Whereas the X-Men spent long hours overworking themselves so that they would be well prepared for the winter…"
********************
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House, Winter
"It be cold…" Wanda said as she put on her tenth sweater. Her teeth chattered as she hugged herself.
"I don't feel anything…" Blob said simply.
"Big surprise, the fat ass isn't cold." Pietro quipped as he sat with a bear hide wrapped around him.
"Where's Toad?" Lance asked as he huddled in front of a trashcan fire in the Brotherhood's living room.
"Right here." Blob said as he picked up Toad, who was frozen solid surrounded by ice.
"Now there's something you don't see everyday." Wanda said simply as the Brotherhood tried to stay warm.
"Men. We have only one alternative." Pietro said simply.
"What. We die?" Lance quipped.
"No. Although that's not a bad idea." Pietro said simply. "Here's the plan." Pietro said as the Brotherhood huddled around and listened to the plan.
"That's not a bad idea." Lance said with a smile.
********************
Xavier's
"Ahhh…" Cyclops muttered. This is the life." He stated as he sat by the heated indoor pool, enjoying the comforts that he and the others had slaved for.
"Tell me about it…" Kitty said with a smile.
"I almost feel sorry that that the Brotherhood has to stay in the cold." Evan said as he sipped at some lemonade. "ALMOST."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA…" The X-Men all laughed.
"It's a good thing the mansion has automatic defenses too." Rouge said with a smile. "We're so damn exhausted that if they were to attack, we would be as defenseless as newborn kittens." Rouge smiled.
"Wait a minute!' Logan shouted as he stood up. Did anyone remember to recalibrate the defenses to deal with Pietro's speed?"
"I though Beast did it?' Xavier asked.
"No. I was told you had taken care of it." Beast said accusingly.
"YOU DID!" Xavier shouted
"NO, YOU DID!" Beast shouted back, getting in Xavier's face.
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"YOU DID IT!"
" NO, YOU DID DAMN IT!" Xavier shouted as he focused and Beast got a plain look in his face as he collapsed onto the ground and began to drool on himself.
"You didn't?" Evan asked as the X-Men looked at Xavier in horror.
"YOU WANT SOME?" Xavier shouted at them.
"Ahem…" The X-men turned to see the Brotherhood smiling at them.
"Oh crap…" Logan muttered.
"How long have you been there?" Jean asked nervously.
"I think it was a few seconds before Rouge stated how defenseless you all where." Lance answered with a smile.
"Nice going Skunky…" Kitty muttered.
"Et Tu Kitty." Rouge muttered
"This is gonna hurt." Cyclops whimpered as the Brotherhood advanced on them, Blob smacking Toad's frozen form in his hands like a club.
********************
Back in reality…
"And so the Brotherhood, who were nice and rested, began to beat the X-Men, who were still tired and weak after long hours of work. Once the Brotherhood was done maiming the poor defenseless X-men, they kicked them out into the cold, taking over the mansion as their own." Xavier said with a smile as he closed the giant book in front of him.
"I liked that story." Lance said with a smile. "I sincerely enjoyed it…"
"It found that it had some find qualities indeed." Toad agreed as the Brotherhood all nodded.
"The Professor has finally gone off his Rocker…" Logan muttered to Beast.
"Agreed." Beast muttered.
"Now, who knows today's Moral?" Xavier asked.
"That you need professional help?" Ororo asked.
"No. In fact, why don't we spin the "Wheel of Morality" to find out?" Xavier said with a smile. "Rouge, if you could?"
"I hate my life." Rouge muttered as she approached a giant wheel and gave it a mighty spin. "Wheel of morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn…" Rouge recited in a monotone voice. The wheel landed on the number 129 and Rouge pulled out a book and flipped a couple of page. "Moral number 129: Everything tastes like chicken, and chicken tastes good."
"I don't want to know…" Wanda muttered to herself.
"It's true." Blob muttered. "Chicken does taste good."
"Blob. Shut up." Pietro muttered.
"Now why don't you children come back again next time to here another story…"
"You never let us leave the first time!" Lance shouted at Xavier.
********************
Well I hope you all had fun. Join me next time when I tell the tale of the City Girl and the country Goth.
Later,
Descendent
Ahhh, time to make Aesop continue to roll over in his grave…
********************
Xavier's
"Why are we here?" Lance asked Pietro.
"Because he never let us leave after telling the first story…" Pietro said dryly.
"Welcome my children." Xavier said with a huge smile as he sat in front of a roaring fireplace, smoking his pipe.
"If you're my father than I am seriously screwed…" Blob quipped.
"I'm sorry Freddy, I'm not your father, Logan is…." Xavier said with a smile as Blob got a look of horror on his face as everyone stared at Wolverine, who had a look of shock on his face.
"I never got that drunk…" Logan said defensively as he took a nip from his flask. "Well there was that one night seventeen years ago when I was down south..."
"Hush now. Are you all ready for today's tale of wonder and joy?" Xavier said, drawing everyone's attention back to him.
"Do we have a choice?" Toad asked dryly.
"No." Xavier said, never breaking his smile.
"That's not Tobacco in the pipe, is it?" Lance asked as Xavier smiled even harder after taking a deep breath of the smoke that radiated from his pipe.
"No it isn't Lance." Xavier smiled. "Now today's story takes place in a land far, far away…"
********************
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House
"Cripes!" Lance cried. "How many times do we have to tell you that this isn't that far away?"
"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY AND ENJOY!" Xavier shouted from off screen.
"I really do hate that man…" Lance said as he walked into the kitchen where the rest of the Brotherhood was lounging around, doing nothing. "What are you morons up to?"
"Nothing at all." Pietro said as he lay back in a chair and relaxed. "We being as lazy and doing as little work as possible."
"That sounds like a plot device to me." Lance said as he sat down and stretched out.
"So any plans at all for the nice warm summer months?" Wanda asked as she stretched out, Toad gawking at her.
"None at all…" Blob said as he ate a bag of chips as Toad was sent flying behind him and into the wall. "In fact, I plan on eating all the food in the house…" Blob recited
"I wonder what the X-Geeks are up to?" Wanda asked.
"Let's find out!" Pietro shouted as he stood up. "I'll drive!"
"NO!" The Brotherhood shouted as they tackled him to the ground.
"Get the duct tape!" Toad cried.
********************
Xavier's
"Come on people, we have work to do!" Scott shouted as the X-Men worked hard to rebuild their mansion after Mystique blew it up.
"Is it me, or is there a huge continuity problem here?" Evan asked as a sharp whip crack hit him on the back. "Ow!"
"Back to work boy…" Wolverine said as he whirled the whip in the air again.
"Damn that stings…" Evan moaned as he went back to hauling heavy rocks. Meanwhile Beast was directing the new mutants, who were wearing orange jumpsuits and chained at the ankle to each other. Beast was wearing a pair of Texas sunglasses and held a shotgun in his hands as he paced back and forth.
"Workin' here Boss!" Bobby cried.
"Sweatin' here Boss!" Amara said.
"Breaking rocks here Boss!' Ray called out.
"Breathin' here Boss!" Roberto shouted.
"Plotting world domination here Boss!" Magneto called out.
"How the hell did he get there?" Lance asked as the Brotherhood watched from the jeep over the ridge.
"That's a good question." Pietro said. "I mean, if the continuity says anything, this is right after I saved him from the flaming sentinel and we should be in a secret lair right now, yet I'm here and he's there. Why is that?"
"That's another good question." Wanda stated.
"STOP POINTING OUT STORY HOLES!" Xavier's voice screamed from out of scene.
"He scares me." Toad said simply.
"He scares us all." Blob said as the Brotherhood continued to watch the X-men rebuild their mansion.
"I wonder where Xavier makes all the money needed to fix this place and keep it running…" Lance asked.
********************
Bayville Bank
"NOBODY MOVE!" A wheel chaired gunman shouted as he robbed the bank.
"Cripes, it's the cops!" A taller female with nylons over her face shouted.
"You will remember nothing…" The wheelchair bound gunman stated as he waved his hand at the scared customers as he and the female took off in a black van.
"What, does he think he's a Jedi or something?" The bank teller asked no one in particular.
********************
Back at Xavier's
"NAAA…" the Brotherhood all said as once.
"Hey it could happen." Wanda said simply.
"McWORLD!" Blob then shrieked as the Brotherhood all stared at him. "Sorry." Blob said as he backed away slowly.
"Man look at them work like little ants…" Toad said. "Sweet delicious tasty ants…"
"I hope you folks were paying attention, that was important." Pietro said simply. "Well except for the "sweet delicious tasty" part. It's best to try and forget that. It's what we do." Pietro said as he stares at the screen.
"Who are you taking to?" Wanda asked as she gave Pietro a look.
"No one." Pietro said as he turned his attention back to what was at hand.
"Look at those losers, working hard to rebuild there home before the cold, cold winter comes." Lance snickered, as suddenly the X-Men appeared a few feet from them.
"How the hell?" Toad asked as he pointed at the X-Men with one hand and with the other pointed at where they used to be. "That's... not…possible… Continuity, screwing…up, so badly…" Toad said as he tried to comprehend what had happened as his arms moved back and forth in confusion.
"You guys are the real losers." Evan stated as the Brotherhood stared at him for a few minutes before breaking down in hysterical laughter. "I'm going to my room." Evan said as he sulked away.
"Ahhh… That's funny." Blob said as he wiped a tear from his eye.
"So what do you… Heh Heh Heh… geeks want?" Lance said as he tried to hold in his laughter.
"You know, you guys shouldn't be so lazy…" Scott scolded. "Winter is going to be coming soon and your house isn't very warm or safe to stay in."
"Plus you guys don't have a lot of money so you should save your food." Kurt pointed out as he gorged himself on another gut buster.
"You disgust me." Blob said as he stared daggers at Kurt.
"Hey. He's my rival. You got Jean." Toad stated.
"But I don't want Jean…" Blob whined.
"Hey, you drew the short straw, so deal with it." Lance snapped.
"HEY! I'm not that bad a person to hate, am I?" Jean asked as everyone turned away and began to whistle. "Oh." Jean said dejectedly. "I'm going to be in my room." Jean muttered as she wandered off.
"Look the point is you guys should work hard before the hard times come." Scott stated.
"Whatever." Lance said as the Brotherhood got back into the jeep and drove away, running Jean over in the process, but hey, who cares?
"PROFESSOR!" Jean's voice screamed from off screen.
"SILENCE WHELP!" Xavier's voice shouted as he continued his tale. "And so the Brotherhood spent the summer and fall months playing around, goofing off and doing absolutely nothing of importance. Whereas the X-Men spent long hours overworking themselves so that they would be well prepared for the winter…"
********************
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House, Winter
"It be cold…" Wanda said as she put on her tenth sweater. Her teeth chattered as she hugged herself.
"I don't feel anything…" Blob said simply.
"Big surprise, the fat ass isn't cold." Pietro quipped as he sat with a bear hide wrapped around him.
"Where's Toad?" Lance asked as he huddled in front of a trashcan fire in the Brotherhood's living room.
"Right here." Blob said as he picked up Toad, who was frozen solid surrounded by ice.
"Now there's something you don't see everyday." Wanda said simply as the Brotherhood tried to stay warm.
"Men. We have only one alternative." Pietro said simply.
"What. We die?" Lance quipped.
"No. Although that's not a bad idea." Pietro said simply. "Here's the plan." Pietro said as the Brotherhood huddled around and listened to the plan.
"That's not a bad idea." Lance said with a smile.
********************
Xavier's
"Ahhh…" Cyclops muttered. This is the life." He stated as he sat by the heated indoor pool, enjoying the comforts that he and the others had slaved for.
"Tell me about it…" Kitty said with a smile.
"I almost feel sorry that that the Brotherhood has to stay in the cold." Evan said as he sipped at some lemonade. "ALMOST."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA…" The X-Men all laughed.
"It's a good thing the mansion has automatic defenses too." Rouge said with a smile. "We're so damn exhausted that if they were to attack, we would be as defenseless as newborn kittens." Rouge smiled.
"Wait a minute!' Logan shouted as he stood up. Did anyone remember to recalibrate the defenses to deal with Pietro's speed?"
"I though Beast did it?' Xavier asked.
"No. I was told you had taken care of it." Beast said accusingly.
"YOU DID!" Xavier shouted
"NO, YOU DID!" Beast shouted back, getting in Xavier's face.
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"NO, YOU DID!"
"YOU DID IT!"
" NO, YOU DID DAMN IT!" Xavier shouted as he focused and Beast got a plain look in his face as he collapsed onto the ground and began to drool on himself.
"You didn't?" Evan asked as the X-Men looked at Xavier in horror.
"YOU WANT SOME?" Xavier shouted at them.
"Ahem…" The X-men turned to see the Brotherhood smiling at them.
"Oh crap…" Logan muttered.
"How long have you been there?" Jean asked nervously.
"I think it was a few seconds before Rouge stated how defenseless you all where." Lance answered with a smile.
"Nice going Skunky…" Kitty muttered.
"Et Tu Kitty." Rouge muttered
"This is gonna hurt." Cyclops whimpered as the Brotherhood advanced on them, Blob smacking Toad's frozen form in his hands like a club.
********************
Back in reality…
"And so the Brotherhood, who were nice and rested, began to beat the X-Men, who were still tired and weak after long hours of work. Once the Brotherhood was done maiming the poor defenseless X-men, they kicked them out into the cold, taking over the mansion as their own." Xavier said with a smile as he closed the giant book in front of him.
"I liked that story." Lance said with a smile. "I sincerely enjoyed it…"
"It found that it had some find qualities indeed." Toad agreed as the Brotherhood all nodded.
"The Professor has finally gone off his Rocker…" Logan muttered to Beast.
"Agreed." Beast muttered.
"Now, who knows today's Moral?" Xavier asked.
"That you need professional help?" Ororo asked.
"No. In fact, why don't we spin the "Wheel of Morality" to find out?" Xavier said with a smile. "Rouge, if you could?"
"I hate my life." Rouge muttered as she approached a giant wheel and gave it a mighty spin. "Wheel of morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn…" Rouge recited in a monotone voice. The wheel landed on the number 129 and Rouge pulled out a book and flipped a couple of page. "Moral number 129: Everything tastes like chicken, and chicken tastes good."
"I don't want to know…" Wanda muttered to herself.
"It's true." Blob muttered. "Chicken does taste good."
"Blob. Shut up." Pietro muttered.
"Now why don't you children come back again next time to here another story…"
"You never let us leave the first time!" Lance shouted at Xavier.
********************
Well I hope you all had fun. Join me next time when I tell the tale of the City Girl and the country Goth.
Later,
Descendent