BETAED by Barbara - many thanks
I found it boring *yawn*, but I know you have special taste (because you are reading my silly story), so I think you will enjoy it.
Ice Lupus, labrisa: I hope you find your answer now (regarding Ron)
Tim H. Smith: I know many thing about hapiness and sadness and the constant fear to lose everything. I just wanted you to see it too. Remus is going out of the hospital now. He wasn't the attacker, I assure you.
Anora: sorry for the ending and I think you will hate me this time again.
Lunatic: I HATE short chapters (not to write but read). So I WON'T write short ones! But I've already told you that. My favourite was the 8th chapter. This isn't so good, but necessary regarding the plan.
Elendil Snape: a dire il vero i miei parti preferiti erano quelli quando Snape sorrideva. Sono felice che a te piacciono gli stessi. ;-) Puoi scrivermi in italiano. Ti capisco perfetto, solo la mia... conoscienza? hehe non e il migliore. Scusami.
Blind Joker: well. Ron was the first person in the world who accepted Harry. Don't foget it. I only tell it to you, because after some fanficion we easily forget this fact. Ron is VERY important to Harry. More than you can believe.
griffin: you can't imagine how upset I became reading your review. I know that my English is extremely abysmal, but I'm sure that it improved a lot! Read the second (non-betaed) chapter of Happy Days and you will see the difference. Even I can see it. Anyway: I have found a beta who is correcting the WHOLE HDH, so I hope next week I can re-upload it. I will leave a message at the end of the chapter if I did. My short story, which is a side-story of this stuff is betaed, and I think that is the best of all. If you didn't read, it's about time to do it. (Er... the worst part of your remark was: "nearly incomprehensible hodge-podge". ;-))
OTHERS: MANY thanks. I appreciate your remarks.
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Chapter 9 - A home visit
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Harry was running towards the Gryffindor Tower. He had to speak Hermione as soon as possible, and he knew he could find her in the Gryffindor common room, studying with Ron - or in Ron's case: pretending to study.
Yes, Ron would be there, Harry knew it for sure, but he didn't mind. He wanted to tell the good news to Hermione immediately. Their work hadn't been futile, Severus had found the proper potion (or better to say: potions), and during his last visits in St Mungo Lupin had started to get better and better so much so that the doctors would release him in four days or less. Harry had been jumping in joy, when Severus had returned from the hospital last night, he had been deadly tired for the previous days' (and mostly nights') tenacious work, but it had been successful. Lupin had taken his first steps towards the complete healing, and for the first time in two months he had regained his consciousness too and had spoken with Severus.
"Amicitia" he whispered to the fat lady, who swung open letting Harry in.
It was so alike to the feeling when he had been still in this House... Harry sighed mentally and cast a longing glance towards the dormitories. Ron and him as friends...
Harry still hadn't given up on regaining his friendship with him. Well, perhaps Ron had made and said a lot of nasty things to him, but the red- headed boy was still grieving, Harry could feel it, as he had often cast a painful look to his dead friend's empty seat on lessons, as he didn't try to start a new friendship, except for Hermione - but that was another question. Hermione was not a friend, but a girlfriend and it was an enormous difference.
Even his disgusting behaviour to Harry had led him to be isolated from his classmates, who now supported 'Quietus' in their usual quarrels. Harry never wanted it, he could defend himself, so he had driven the worrying mates away from their usual arguments.
"Hi, Quietus, who are you looking for?" it was Neville.
Harry smiled at the boy, who was seemingly not too deep in his studies.
"Hermione," he said and smiled. "I have some really good news for her."
"What?"
Harry folded his arms and cast a serious glance at Neville.
"My, my, Mr Longbottom! Are we curious, aren't we?"
Harry's mimicking of professor Snape was almost perfect, except from the sneer - he just couldn't sneer as professionally as Severus could.
"Oh, my God! You're so alike your father, Quietus! Don't frighten me, please!" Neville snickered, and even Parvati lifted her head and smiled. "And Hermione isn't here, she and Ron went to the library to find a book twenty minutes ago."
"Come then, let's find her. I don't want to repeat myself."
Neville put his book on the table with relief and followed Harry climbing out of the common room.
"Hey, Quietus, why don't you let your hair grow? You would be more similar to professor Snape then," said Neville suddenly. "And your imitation of him would be much more genuine."
Harry turned on his wheel face to face with Neville.
"Any mention of grease and I will hex you!" he lifted his wand menacingly. Neville just shooed his wand away.
"How would I dare to say things like that? I want to live through school until graduation!" he shook his head. "So? Why do you always keep it short?"
"I don't like long hair. And, but this is a secret, Neville," he winked at his friend, "I think father would be more... human with shorter hair. Or less git, if you like it. This hairstyle of his is a tragedy."
They grinned at each other.
In the library there were only the usual Ravenclaw group and some Slytherins, who greeted Harry cautiously, but neither Hermione nor Ron were there.
"If you are searching for Hermione, she left some minutes ago. I think he and Weasley wanted to be on their own," Ares stepped at Harry and grinned at Neville to greet him. The round-faced boy just blinked in surprise. A Slytherin - being nice?
"Oh," Harry said while Neville was amused, he felt it sounded quite stupid.
"Can you come to our common room after dinner? I have some questions about the Arithmancy homework," Ares added.
"Alright," Harry nodded and left with Neville. It wouldn't be his first occasion to visit the Slytherin common room, but he didn't feel comfortable there. It was too dungeon-like and hostile. Ares had known his reluctance and had appreciated that he always had agreed to join Ares there whenever he had asked.
"Why are you friends with Slytherins?" Neville made the question which was bothering him after they were out of the library. Harry stopped, sighed and turned to his companion.
"Neville, my father is the head of that house. I'm having meals with them too. I knew them and I could see that despite the common prejudices and presuppositions there are some good guys there, as well as there are bad guys in every other house too."
"My father was a Gryffindor..."
Uncomfortable silence fell between them.
"Let's find an empty classroom, and I will tell you the news. Hermione has to wait until tomorrow," Harry said finally. "I don't want to be killed by her ferocious boyfriend."
They grinned again and they were about to enter the Arithmancy classroom, which was there, when a loud voice interrupted their conversation. It came from the room they wanted to enter.
"Can't you see, it Herm? How? You are so clever, and YOU can't see it! Damn it, I can't believe it!"
"You are exaggerating, Ron. Quietus is..."
"Quietus! The slimy git gave his partner-in-crime brother's name to his pampered, big-headed, disgusting bastard son... No, Hermione, it's you out of the two of us who can't understand what's going on."
Harry tensed and his hands clenched into fists. Ron was good enough to hurt everybody he held precious with one sentence: his distant father, Severus. And even he was offended. He wasn't that boy Ron described!
"You are unfair to him," came Hermione's voice. She was a true friend.
"I can see through him. Unlike you. He is trying to sneak into our house, into our class in his own, innocent-like way, smiling shyly, protecting injured Gryffindors in empty hallways and streets, he is trying to gain our confidence, how can't you see? Why, do you think, he is doing this? Why?" Ron's voice became louder and louder as he went on. The last sentences were said so aloud that it was impossible not to hear them, however, Harry and Neville were still standing in the corridor. "Can't you think that he is trying to sneak himself into our trust, into our circle, into our side, like his father did, that convicted murderer, who let Harry die and now he is training his son to behave like Harry! Can't you see it? This disgusting sly behaves like Harry! Everything he does it's so like him! His gestures, his words, his behaviour! And why? To destroy us by stealing Harry's memory, to cheat us by capturing what was Harry's place in our lives! And then to kill us as his father did, who slaughtered half of my family!"
"Ron..." Hermione's voice was barely audible.
"Yes, he did!" Ron screamed. "Percy saw his files in the Ministry! He murdered a whole family, two parents, two children, CHILDREN, Hermione! And now he is teaching here and training his filthy piece of a son against us! And Dumbledore believes him, and defends him and his son, and now the whole Gryffindor house believes him, and not me and even you want me to accept that slimy, sneaking bastard, but I won't! Never! So, you have to decide! You can leave me and stay with him, or you can support me, but in that case stay away from him! Please," he added pleading. "I've already lost Harry. I don't want to lose even you..."
This was the point when Harry couldn't bear it any longer. Pressing his palms against his throbbing temples he turned around to get as far from the classroom as he could. It wasn't easy. His legs felt like they were made of jelly, his head was aching sharply, and his vision was blurry. After some tottering steps he felt he would collapse. He reached a hand to the wall and leaned to it searching for balance, when he felt an arm behind his arms.
Without realising he accepted the help, and followed his firm supporter with tightly shut eyes.
He didn't want to see. To think.
Ron's words were burning him inside, were cutting him, like Avery's favourite tool, but it was more, much more painful - without realising Ron defeated him in two fields: Ron noticed, what nobody else didn't notice, that Quietus was Harry, in the other hand he told Hermione the truth about Severus, the very thing, which was suffocating, torturing, haunting his stepfather, the fact that he murdered people, and this was the main reason he always insisted against being happy. He had used to say, that he hadn't deserved happiness. And now Harry could perfectly understand Severus' feelings, and he was desolated and scared.
Did Severus really deserve to be unhappy and die at the end? Could a sin like his be forgiven and forgotten in this life? Wasn't fifteen years of loneliness, three years of spying, dozens of saved people, an attempted self-sacrifice to save Harry when Voldemort wanted to kill him, two weeks of humiliating and painful torments in Nightmare Manor enough to wipe his sin away? Was he really and completely damned once and for all?
Harry didn't want to believe it. He want to believe that Severus would be forgiven and he could feel human again instead of a disgusting piece of filth, as Ron said of him - Ron's words, which were so identical to Severus' self-estimate!
And now he learned that Severus' victims were Ron's relatives.
Everything clicked in Harry to its perfect place. Ron's hatred, his protest against him, the Weasley family's glares at Severus. Yes, Harry could understand Ron's behaviour even before the overheard conversation, but now he could accept it too. Ron was right, and if he looked at things from Ron's point of view he acted right too. Or not right, but in the same way as Severus acted towards Ares - and Ares' parents had never killed any member of the Snape family.
"Good lord, when you think it can't be worse, it always turns out that it can," Harry muttered under his breath.
"Shh, Quietus," Neville made him sit on a chair in another empty classroom.
Harry opened his eyes and looked at him.
"Why don't you leave me alone? You heard the truth, didn't you?" he asked sarcastically.
"Rubbish," Neville cracked a half-smile. "That was not the truth. That was only Ron's version about what he believes the truth. I have my own version," he sat next to Harry.
"What's that?" Harry couldn't help but toned his voice with a slight sarcasm again.
"That's simple. You and your father are all okay for me."
Harry shook his head.
"I don't believe it. Perhaps I can believe that you are okay with me. But my father... You can hear Ron..."
"And I could hear my grandmother too," Neville sighed and cast a heavy glance at Harry.
"Your grandmother?" Harry was surprised. How was Neville's grandmother involved in all this?
"She always tells me stories about my father's cruelty. When I was a little child I was sure that she was lying. Now I know for sure, that she didn't. Never. Do you remember the day you saved me from Terry?"
"Yes, I do," Harry whispered.
"That day Terry told me the truth. His truth. That my father tortured his mother, who wasn't a Death Eater, only was in the wrong place in the wrong time. She was only suspected. But my father almost killed her. He was a pathetic excuse for a human, nothing more. But your father is another question. I assume he was accused of being a Death Eater, like Terry's mother and my father questioned him in his usual way, and under the pressure he confessed anything his tormentor wanted. It has to be the reason to hated me with passion..."
Now Harry's hands trembled and he suddenly couldn't breathe. Neville's good will just rendered the things more insufferable and complicated. Conclusions, again. Half-truths.
And Neville sacrificed his own feelings just to made Harry feel better. He cared for Harry, and Harry owed him the truth.
But how could he tell Neville? It was not his past, not his secrets, but Severus's. But Neville was so open with him. He showed concern and seriousness towards him. But he couldn't slip Severus' past out. Harry suddenly wanted to scream as loud as he could in distress.
But he didn't. Instead, he shut his eyes tightly and took some deep breaths.
"At least I can understand Ron's feelings," Harry said after the long, inner fight. "But, excuse me, Neville, I have things to attend in the Slytherin common room, and I don't want to miss dinner either."
"Well, go then, I think. Meet me tomorrow."
Harry heard the little hint of delusion in Neville's voice but he couldn't help.
Finally he would lose all of his possible friends because of this stupid secret-keeping. He hated his life's secret. And now he had to agree with Ron for his hatred towards Quietus on the top of all.
Ron acted as he had to.
In the Slytherin common room he almost could feel the tension as he came in. Nobody spoke, but the complete silence betrayed that there was a rather furious quarrel just before Harry entered and it was Harry's entrance, which interrupted it. When they saw that it was just Harry, the noise snapped out again.
"What's on?" Harry asked as he was seated next to Ares.
"Zabini," he sighed miserably. "Malfoy decided to teach him a little bit. Seemingly, he was disobedient or so."
"Disobedient?" Harry's eyes widened in shock. "Why should he obey Malfoy?"
"He shouldn't," Ares shrugged. "He, however, does. I don't know why. I think he wants to prove to them that he is worthy to be in Slytherin."
Harry didn't like the situation, but when they stopped screaming at Zabini and moved towards the dormitories, sending the visibly frozen boy ahead them, he couldn't even pretend to be indifferent. Ares looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"It's not your business, I think," he nudged the staring Harry.
"What are they up to do now?" Harry turned to him.
"I think he will be beaten a little bit," Ares' voice sounded blank. Harry could feel his blood blowing.
"How can you be so neutral? He is your housemate! And..." he couldn't finish.
"HE DID choose this way. HE wanted to be a servant. So HE has to bear the consequences."
"No. I didn't ask this. I ask how can you be such a git as not to help him..." he cast a despairing glance at Ares and stood up.
"Wait, Quietus," Ares said and pulled Harry back to the chair. "I made my decision in my first year. It was not simple, I had to pay for it, but I did it nevertheless. And there are people like me. Janus, for example. You don't need to join either group here. But if you decide to do it, you have to bear the consequences of your decision."
Harry looked at Ares, contemplating on what he heard. Well, most definitely, this wasn't the Gryffindor Tower. Seemingly, here there were other rules to play. He felt a short moment of uncertainty. But when he heard the first muffled cry from the dormitories, he didn't hesitate any more. He pulled out his wand and ran through the dorm's door.
"Stop it! Now!" he bellowed as he learned from Severus.
In the shady room he could see two figures straightening and a third leaning to a bed, observing the other two's 'work'.
"Get out, Snape," Malfoy's voice snapped. "We don't need your presence."
"Leave him alone, Malfoy, or I will curse you."
"It's not your house, it's not your business."
"Well, if I remember correctly, my father is the head of this house, so it is indeed my business."
"Concerned, are you?" sarcasm toned Malfoy's voice. "No, Snape. Get out now. I don't mind your parentage," and waved his hand towards his cronies who turned to the quietly moaning Zabini to go on with their work.
"Stupefy!" Harry yelled, pointing at the two idiots.
"How dare you...?" began Malfoy and stepped closer to Harry.
"How dare YOU?" Harry asked in return and in the next moment he exploded.
Seemingly, it was too much all what happened that afternoon. Severus' news, Ron's revelation, Neville's failed comfort, Ares' uncaring words - when he regained his normal self again he was lying on the floor, his shoulders pinned strongly by Ares. Draco was sitting on a bed, pressing a large, bloody handkerchief on his face.
And Severus was standing in the door.
"What's going on here?" he asked menacingly not noticing the Harry lying nearby for which he was really grateful.
"Your son hit me in the face, professor," Malfoy's voice dipped in hatred. "He threatened to kill me."
"It's a pity I've failed, disgusting git," Harry groaned struggling to get away from the contact with Ares.
Severus just now realised that he was in the room too.
"Mr Nott, move from him, now," he ordered sharply. When Ares let Harry's shoulder go he sat up. "Explain," Severus looked at him coldly.
"He made his cronies beat Zabini. I said him to stop. He didn't. We had a fight then."
"YOU started it!" Malfoy shouted.
"Silence!" Severus bellowed at them. "Is it true, Mr Malfoy?"
The blonde boy stood up and crossed his arms over his chest impertinently. He wasn't as threatening as he wanted to, he had a black eye and his nose was still bleeding.
"What? That your son wanted to kill me?" he spat.
"Don't talk rubbish. I asked you about Zabini," Severus, on the contrary was menacing.
Malfoy shrugged.
"He offered to work to me. He failed his role. I gave him the proper punishment."
"Slavery is not allowed in Hogwarts, Mr Malfoy, neither in Slytherin House!" Snape's voice was angrier than ever.
"Last year you didn't seem so set against it," Malfoy smirked at him.
"It's 50 points from Slytherin, Mr Malfoy. And one week of detention with Mr Filch. Come to my office tomorrow after lunch to fix the details." His glare was cool as he stared at the blonde boy. "And the next time I hear about you using your classmates as slaves or servants, you will be expelled. And I don't know if you can find any other school to attend, Mr Malfoy. Durmstrang is not waiting for you, I think."
Harry's heart began to pound faster. Just the three of them knew what Severus was talking about.
"I will send a letter to your father too. I will let him know that you called public attention to yourself again with a fight with your... cousin."
The next moment Malfoy paled so perfectly that Harry thought he would faint. He bit his lips and turned away from his professor.
Severus just looked at him steadily.
"Do you understand?"
"I do," Malfoy said and he added, "sir."
Severus now turned to Harry.
"As for you, we will fix you a detention with Hagrid. I think he needs somebody to help him in keeping clean his... animals," he said sarcastically. "And now come."
Harry stood up and followed the man to their quarters.
When they arrived and Severus closed the door behind him, he strode across his favourite chair, he sat down facing Harry.
"Explain."
"What?" Harry's voice sounded tired. Well, he was tired. Deadly. And he didn't know what he should tell Severus. He certainly wasn't ready to reveal any part of the afternoon's conversations. Most of all not Ron's remarks regarding his... past.
Severus looked at him through the curtain of his greasy hair. He even scowled in anger.
"You are not that kind of a fighter. Why did you beat Malfoy? And if you decided to attack him, why didn't you use a curse or a spell?"
Harry lowered his head.
"You won't believe it," he sighed, "but I didn't even think of using my wand. I lost my temper when I saw them punching Zabini."
He lifted his gaze and their eyes locked.
"You are hiding something," Severus said, this time much calmer.
"I don't want to talk about it, Severus. Not yet at least," he added the last sentence as he saw the annoyance appearing on his uncle's face. "Sorry. It's too... personal."
"Mr Weasley, I assume?" there was pure loathing in the voice.
Harry waved his hand.
"I don't want to talk about it. Please."
They stared at each other intensely, but it was Severus who finally gave up.
"Alright. But you know, you can tell me, if something is disturbing you."
"I know. And I think I will tell you everything, but not now," Harry nodded and hoped he could come to terms with the things he heard. With all of them. It seemed impossible now.
He couldn't sleep in that night either. He somehow succeeded in fooling Severus, who never fell asleep before Harry, but this time Harry needed time to think. To think and re-think.
So, his facade was fading. At least Ron caught something. Hermione didn't, but now that Ron called her attention to the similarities, it was very possible that she would figure out. But what could he do about it? Deny till the end. Nothing else.
As for Severus - it was a harder topic. Harry knew very well his past, their common captivity had made Severus share his secrets with Harry. But until now those secrets and sins were nameless and so they were neutral in a certain sense. This time, however, he got to know at least four out of them. Four. A family. Two adults and two children.
Bloody hell.
He wasn't angry with Severus, he wasn't deluded either. He just didn't know how to judge the whole thing.
He loved the man. His uncle. His father. And he had forgiven him those things, which were Severus' sins against him. But how could he forgive the other things? It wasn't his place to forgive this time. And it made the things much more complicated.
Severus longed, yearned for forgiving, Harry knew it, and he knew precisely that he could never forgive himself first of all. Even if all the dead people he killed resurrected all of a sudden, and said him that they forgave him, he wouldn't forgive himself. And now here came Ron and... and...
But Severus hadn't killed them for pleasure or for fun. He had killed because he had been ordered to - there had been a war and he had been commanded. And he had needed time to realise that he had chosen the wrong side.
He had explained this to Severus several times, but he always had repeated:
"It was my decision to join that bastard."
He had many excuses, but Severus had never accepted any of them.
"It was my decision."
ONE wrong decision! One, he made to satisfy his parents. To be pleased and accepted.
"You were a child."
"I wasn't. I was adult enough to ponder and to make my decision. I did, and I did it wrong."
And this time as the figures of Severus' victims began to gain their shape, to personalise in Harry's mind he started to understand. For him, it was all an ethical question. For Severus, it was the reality.
And for Ron too.
As he finally fell asleep his dream was eventful and uneasy. But still, he didn't have any nightmares.
The next day was Friday.
Harry was dreading going to lessons and facing Ron and Hermione, and even Neville, but he did it nevertheless. He tried to be invisible and he was more quiet than ever, however, the first class was History and professor Binns opened a dialogue with Harry again. He answered the ghost's questions half-heartedly and he was relieved when the lesson finished.
He wanted to slip out of the classroom just as the lesson ended, but Hermione caught him and stopped him in the hallway.
"Quiet?"
Harry turned around timidly and gulped. He wasn't afraid of Hermione, he was afraid of seeing distrust and rejection in her eyes. But he didn't see them.
"Parvati said you were looking for me yesterday."
Oh, that was.
"Yes. I just wanted to tell you that father has found the potion for Lupin and he will be released from the hospital in a few days. He even regained consciousness," he fixed his gaze firmly at his feet.
"Oh, this is wonderful! I knew he would find it! He is a very good potions master after all, isn't he?"
Harry was shocked. He would expect anything from Hermione, but this. Hermione was praising Severus after all she had heard the day before... Suddenly he managed to open his mouth.
"When I was looking for you yesterday, I overheard your conversation with Ron."
Hermione paled visibly.
"You did?"
Harry nodded.
"And I decided to end our friendship. I don't want to hurt your relationship. I will avoid you as much as I can."
"You won't and..."
"I will. I'm fed up with these suspicions and judgements. Tell Ron, I won't meet you and study with you again and tell him he is right, I really wanted to gain his house's and his friendship, but now - I just don't want it any more. I don't mind what they think of me. Or what you think of me," he said and he practically ran away from the angry girl. He didn't want to start a quarrel and to wait for Ron to finish it. The only person Harry decided not to abandon was Neville, as he saw that he was the only person he opened up to. Harry cared for Neville since he heard of his home life and despite Harry's continuous and compelled secret-keeping they became sort of friends too.
Harry saw, he wasn't that blind, that Hermione tried to catch him the whole day to Ron's immense annoyance, but Harry didn't give her the chance to speak. He used all the sneaking and snooping talents he had and managed to dodge her tries.
The weekend was going to be a Hogsmeade weekend, but Severus told Harry after dinner that they would go to the St Mungo's instead and they would bring Lupin to Snape Manor to his friend's care. Harry was so happy that he even forgot his problems.
"What was his problem precisely, Severus?" he asked the question now that Severus knew the answer as they were facing the hospital the following day.
"His fellows nearly ate him," he smirked. "If he had been a human, he would have died. If he had been a mere werewolf he would have died. But he wasn't a mere werewolf, because he has been drinking the Wolfsbane Potion for years and this changed his organs' functions. So he survived, but barely. He was comatose and we needed a potion that could overcome the Wolfsbane's effects as well as the effects of the other werewolves' bites. It's not a simple potion, not at all, and Lupin will hate me, because he has to take it in every two or three days to be able to stay conscious. But in return he could shift his shape whenever he wants it."
"Wow! It means that he has become an animagus!"
Severus cast an annoyed glance to him.
"Don't be stupid. He will never be just an animagus. He will be still a werewolf and he will transform every full moon like he used to. But all his transformations will be easier and he can do it willingly too."
"Will he still need to take Wolfsbane?"
"No, just the new potions. Isn't it enough?"
"Bah. It is," Harry grinned.
Then they discussed the ingredients and the brewing methods too, and Harry experienced surprised that he could understand the essence of Severus' words. Well, there were still gaps in his potions knowledge, but the last months of continuous study had its results on him. Even Severus made a short remark about it.
"Your marks have improved beautifully. Those hours in the library with Miss Granger," he winked at Harry who blushed violently.
"It was me and not her who studied all this and read all those books. Yes, she was there, but I was the one who learned it."
"Oh, so you finally give up the 'I'm stupid and untalented' behaviour and accept the fact that you would do very fine in Ravenclaw."
"I'm not a Ravenclaw!" Harry snapped.
"But you could be," Severus shrugged and let the topic fall. They were standing in front of Lupin's bed.
"Hello, Lupin. I'm glad to see you conscious again."
"So, it's true, isn't it?" was Lupin's reaction. Sad and bitter reaction.
"What?" Severus was taken aback.
"Harry has died."
Harry shifted uncomfortably and fixed his eyes firmly at the end of Lupin's bed.
Severus nodded.
"And I made peace with Bl... Padfoot," the Potions Master added quietly. He used Black's nickname, because he was still running from the law.
Lupin sat up instantly gaping at them.
"What?"
"We were devastated over his death and we decided not to continue the old quarrels and not to cherish old dislikes. He lives at my Manor now with that little girl you saved."
"Oh, Anne," Lupin smiled broadly. "What did Padfoot say as he heard her name?"
"WE were stunned, Lupin," he assured him.
"Oh," Lupin cast an apologising glance at the tall man. "Sorry. I didn't realise..."
"It's alright."
Lupin just now cast a thoughtful gaze at Harry. He greeted his ex-professor politely.
"Good morning, sir."
"I assume he is your son, Severus," as he was given a nod he continued. "He looks like your brother." He turned to Harry. "Remus Lupin."
"Quietus Snape, sir."
He paled.
"Is it a joke, Severus?"
"No. He is my son and I wanted to call him after the one worthy person of my family, Lupin. He attends Hogwarts now, but let's finish this conversation and go home to meet old friends, finally."
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The whole day Harry could feel Lupin's eyes on him wherever he went. Harry could see that he wanted to speak to him, and he didn't have any objections against a conversation, but Anne had captured him the moment they entered the main gates of the manor and didn't leave him alone afterwards.
"I'm attending a school here, at Snape, and Siri often accompanies me to school as Padfoot. He is very cute," Harry just blinked at this remark, Sirius as a dog was like the Grim and was anything but cute. "He even tried to teach me magic, but he couldn't. I'm not a witch, I said to him before, but he always says that a Black can't be a simple muggle. He is Black too, did you know it?" When Harry nodded she continued chatting merrily. "I said to you that I had a dog there, in my old house, and he is so like him! And he can do a lot of tricks with his wand, once he even turned my hair purple!" he giggled. "Like once Erica did to his father, when she was angry with him..."
"Who is Erica?" Harry somehow managed to insert a question into Anne's monologue.
"Oh, Erica was a girl from the street I lived. She is about your age," she smiled at Harry, "but she isn't as calm as you..."
"Was she a witch?" Harry asked suddenly.
Anne shook her head.
"No. I think she just put something into his dad's shampoo..."
Shampoo. Anne's mention of shampoo began a line of thoughts in Harry as he was listening to the endless speech of the girl. Anne didn't stop either for a moment and Harry didn't have the heart to interrupt her until evening when Sirius ordered Anne to bed to her utter dislike.
"I want to stay with Quiet. He is so rarely at home!"
"We will stay until tomorrow evening," Harry said to her. "Now, go to bed and be a good girl!"
Anne sighed theatrically and went.
Sirius took Severus to Fletcher to make some corrections on the Manor's defence system. Harry remained alone with the curious Lupin.
"I didn't know Severus has a son," Lupin said as they were alone after the long day.
"Nobody knew, sir," Harry shrugged slightly. "He kept it secret from everybody."
"Why?"
"To protect me."
"From Vol... You-Know-Who?" asked Lupin.
"You can say Voldemort, sir. I'm used to it. And I was raised by muggles. It doesn't bother me."
"So you know about Severus' relation with the Dark Lord."
"He has no relations with him, sir," Harry hissed angrily. "Certainly not after this summer."
"I know," Lupin answered calmly. "I thought of his past. And his reputation."
Harry shrugged.
"I don't mind it. And I tell you, if I hadn't been aware of his reputation before, in the first day of school all the others would have made me know it."
"Prejudices?"
"And conclusions. And expectations. And hatred, mostly from Harry Potter's..." Harry interrupted himself. "It's not important."
"Is it Ronald Weasley?"
Harry nodded.
"Well, it's not a surprise. I assume the Weasleys finally told their children what happened to the other part of their family and why they wanted so many children."
"What?" Harry didn't understand the last sentence.
"After the extermination of Molly's and Arthur's families, they decided to have a lot of children, to have a big family."
Harry rubbed his forehead tiredly. Seemingly, the past determined the present. At his movement Lupin became more animated.
"You remind me someone I couldn't place a finger on."
"My uncle?" Harry guessed. He had been compared with his father almost always by the adults around him. But Lupin shook his head.
"No. Certainly not. However, you are like him a lot. But your gestures..."
Very well. Harry was grateful that he didn't have to stay with Lupin for long. He was sure his ex-professor would uncover his secret in no time.
"You are Ravenclaw, aren't you?"
"I wasn't sorted," Harry answered aloud. 'No. I'm Gryffindor,' he thought to himself.
Lupin again cast on him his knowing gaze.
"I see."
That evening they didn't speak more. Harry somehow was sure Lupin had figured it out by now.
He even told Severus his suspicion.
"He knows."
"No. He has feelings and suspicions, but he doesn't know."
Harry couldn't sleep again. He was almost overtired, but sleep avoided him.
"Something is bothering you," Severus said calmly after listening to Harry's stirring for two hours. "Did you have a nightmare? Or anything happened?"
Harry was unsure about what to say. And how. And why. So he just lay in silence.
"The same thing as two days ago?" the next question came.
"Yes," Harry's voice was hoarse.
Severus' tactics were extremely successful when it came to question him.
"It was Ron."
"Yes."
"He offended you."
"Well, no, not really. I've overheard a conversation between him and Hermione."
"Ron spoke about me, didn't he?"
"No," Harry lied. He wasn't ready to that talk. Not yet. "He said that I want to gain Harry's place and Harry's friends in order to sneak myself into the Light Side and betray them."
Severus chuckled.
"Well you want Harry's place, don't you? However I did never guess he would be the first to see the similarities between you and the old Harry."
"Do you see them?" Harry asked curiously.
"Yes, for me you are almost the same. But Albus said you have changed. I can't judge it. I see you every day, I saw you changing and rearranging your life, so I was accustomed your changes gradually. Albus on the contrary. He barely sees you, so for him your changes are enormous and abrupt. I had a hard time showing him it didn't happen all of a sudden."
"But I didn't change," Harry looked stunned.
"You did, Quiet. And not only your grades. Your whole behaviour. I think you're growing up," he smiled at him. "And it's lucky you did. I think this is the only reason Miss Granger hasn't uncovered you yet."
"But if I'm really an adult, why am I running to you with my stupid problems? Why can't I solve them alone?"
"You aren't running to me. On the contrary. You always do your best to solve them alone, however, you shouldn't. I'm here to help you."
"Adults don't need help."
At this point Severus burst into laughter. It wasn't a joyful or a happy laughter, it was rather sad.
"Quite the contrary."
Harry looked at him unbelievably.
"You are fooling me. You never share your problems with me."
"I don't think it would be too wise to do it. You are... er... my nephew and my step-son. I don't think it's good if a parent tells his problems to his child. I have my friend to talk to if I need to."
Severus sighed. It was close. He almost let his feelings slip to Harry. Surely, the boy would have been freaked out if he had said 'my son'. Jealousy bit into his heart. He was jealous of Potter. And of Quietus. All the so-called fathers of Harry. And he was ashamed of his jealousy.
Harry looked at him in confusion. He didn't know what Severus wanted to tell him first. He was too young? He was not trustworthy? Surely.
Severus didn't trust him. Despite his words he still considered him a stupid boy, and his pathetic explanation about parents and children just made it worse.
And there were Ron's words too.
He was right when he had decided not to tell Severus those remarks. He could handle with them himself. He didn't need Severus' contempt on top of everything else.
No, he wasn't right, he thought. Severus never had contempt for him. He always treated him as an adult. But then again why didn't he tell Harry his problems? Why did he shut him out? It was the matter of friendship again, Harry realised, but until now he always thought of his mates in this way: the mutuality of sharing things. It was his greatest problem with them - he couldn't share too much with them, so they couldn't become his real friends, except for, perhaps, Neville.
He dragged the blanket up to his chin and wrapped tight around him. He felt sadness emerging in his chest, but he didn't allow himself to cry. Adults didn't cry. Adults.
But he wasn't an adult.
And Severus said Harry was.
His confusion reached its limit. He didn't know how to think about himself any more.
And he still didn't know what to think about Severus.
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Next chapter: due time! (Wednesday)
One of mine dirtiest exam is over. A as always;-) I have three remained.
I found it boring *yawn*, but I know you have special taste (because you are reading my silly story), so I think you will enjoy it.
Ice Lupus, labrisa: I hope you find your answer now (regarding Ron)
Tim H. Smith: I know many thing about hapiness and sadness and the constant fear to lose everything. I just wanted you to see it too. Remus is going out of the hospital now. He wasn't the attacker, I assure you.
Anora: sorry for the ending and I think you will hate me this time again.
Lunatic: I HATE short chapters (not to write but read). So I WON'T write short ones! But I've already told you that. My favourite was the 8th chapter. This isn't so good, but necessary regarding the plan.
Elendil Snape: a dire il vero i miei parti preferiti erano quelli quando Snape sorrideva. Sono felice che a te piacciono gli stessi. ;-) Puoi scrivermi in italiano. Ti capisco perfetto, solo la mia... conoscienza? hehe non e il migliore. Scusami.
Blind Joker: well. Ron was the first person in the world who accepted Harry. Don't foget it. I only tell it to you, because after some fanficion we easily forget this fact. Ron is VERY important to Harry. More than you can believe.
griffin: you can't imagine how upset I became reading your review. I know that my English is extremely abysmal, but I'm sure that it improved a lot! Read the second (non-betaed) chapter of Happy Days and you will see the difference. Even I can see it. Anyway: I have found a beta who is correcting the WHOLE HDH, so I hope next week I can re-upload it. I will leave a message at the end of the chapter if I did. My short story, which is a side-story of this stuff is betaed, and I think that is the best of all. If you didn't read, it's about time to do it. (Er... the worst part of your remark was: "nearly incomprehensible hodge-podge". ;-))
OTHERS: MANY thanks. I appreciate your remarks.
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Chapter 9 - A home visit
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Harry was running towards the Gryffindor Tower. He had to speak Hermione as soon as possible, and he knew he could find her in the Gryffindor common room, studying with Ron - or in Ron's case: pretending to study.
Yes, Ron would be there, Harry knew it for sure, but he didn't mind. He wanted to tell the good news to Hermione immediately. Their work hadn't been futile, Severus had found the proper potion (or better to say: potions), and during his last visits in St Mungo Lupin had started to get better and better so much so that the doctors would release him in four days or less. Harry had been jumping in joy, when Severus had returned from the hospital last night, he had been deadly tired for the previous days' (and mostly nights') tenacious work, but it had been successful. Lupin had taken his first steps towards the complete healing, and for the first time in two months he had regained his consciousness too and had spoken with Severus.
"Amicitia" he whispered to the fat lady, who swung open letting Harry in.
It was so alike to the feeling when he had been still in this House... Harry sighed mentally and cast a longing glance towards the dormitories. Ron and him as friends...
Harry still hadn't given up on regaining his friendship with him. Well, perhaps Ron had made and said a lot of nasty things to him, but the red- headed boy was still grieving, Harry could feel it, as he had often cast a painful look to his dead friend's empty seat on lessons, as he didn't try to start a new friendship, except for Hermione - but that was another question. Hermione was not a friend, but a girlfriend and it was an enormous difference.
Even his disgusting behaviour to Harry had led him to be isolated from his classmates, who now supported 'Quietus' in their usual quarrels. Harry never wanted it, he could defend himself, so he had driven the worrying mates away from their usual arguments.
"Hi, Quietus, who are you looking for?" it was Neville.
Harry smiled at the boy, who was seemingly not too deep in his studies.
"Hermione," he said and smiled. "I have some really good news for her."
"What?"
Harry folded his arms and cast a serious glance at Neville.
"My, my, Mr Longbottom! Are we curious, aren't we?"
Harry's mimicking of professor Snape was almost perfect, except from the sneer - he just couldn't sneer as professionally as Severus could.
"Oh, my God! You're so alike your father, Quietus! Don't frighten me, please!" Neville snickered, and even Parvati lifted her head and smiled. "And Hermione isn't here, she and Ron went to the library to find a book twenty minutes ago."
"Come then, let's find her. I don't want to repeat myself."
Neville put his book on the table with relief and followed Harry climbing out of the common room.
"Hey, Quietus, why don't you let your hair grow? You would be more similar to professor Snape then," said Neville suddenly. "And your imitation of him would be much more genuine."
Harry turned on his wheel face to face with Neville.
"Any mention of grease and I will hex you!" he lifted his wand menacingly. Neville just shooed his wand away.
"How would I dare to say things like that? I want to live through school until graduation!" he shook his head. "So? Why do you always keep it short?"
"I don't like long hair. And, but this is a secret, Neville," he winked at his friend, "I think father would be more... human with shorter hair. Or less git, if you like it. This hairstyle of his is a tragedy."
They grinned at each other.
In the library there were only the usual Ravenclaw group and some Slytherins, who greeted Harry cautiously, but neither Hermione nor Ron were there.
"If you are searching for Hermione, she left some minutes ago. I think he and Weasley wanted to be on their own," Ares stepped at Harry and grinned at Neville to greet him. The round-faced boy just blinked in surprise. A Slytherin - being nice?
"Oh," Harry said while Neville was amused, he felt it sounded quite stupid.
"Can you come to our common room after dinner? I have some questions about the Arithmancy homework," Ares added.
"Alright," Harry nodded and left with Neville. It wouldn't be his first occasion to visit the Slytherin common room, but he didn't feel comfortable there. It was too dungeon-like and hostile. Ares had known his reluctance and had appreciated that he always had agreed to join Ares there whenever he had asked.
"Why are you friends with Slytherins?" Neville made the question which was bothering him after they were out of the library. Harry stopped, sighed and turned to his companion.
"Neville, my father is the head of that house. I'm having meals with them too. I knew them and I could see that despite the common prejudices and presuppositions there are some good guys there, as well as there are bad guys in every other house too."
"My father was a Gryffindor..."
Uncomfortable silence fell between them.
"Let's find an empty classroom, and I will tell you the news. Hermione has to wait until tomorrow," Harry said finally. "I don't want to be killed by her ferocious boyfriend."
They grinned again and they were about to enter the Arithmancy classroom, which was there, when a loud voice interrupted their conversation. It came from the room they wanted to enter.
"Can't you see, it Herm? How? You are so clever, and YOU can't see it! Damn it, I can't believe it!"
"You are exaggerating, Ron. Quietus is..."
"Quietus! The slimy git gave his partner-in-crime brother's name to his pampered, big-headed, disgusting bastard son... No, Hermione, it's you out of the two of us who can't understand what's going on."
Harry tensed and his hands clenched into fists. Ron was good enough to hurt everybody he held precious with one sentence: his distant father, Severus. And even he was offended. He wasn't that boy Ron described!
"You are unfair to him," came Hermione's voice. She was a true friend.
"I can see through him. Unlike you. He is trying to sneak into our house, into our class in his own, innocent-like way, smiling shyly, protecting injured Gryffindors in empty hallways and streets, he is trying to gain our confidence, how can't you see? Why, do you think, he is doing this? Why?" Ron's voice became louder and louder as he went on. The last sentences were said so aloud that it was impossible not to hear them, however, Harry and Neville were still standing in the corridor. "Can't you think that he is trying to sneak himself into our trust, into our circle, into our side, like his father did, that convicted murderer, who let Harry die and now he is training his son to behave like Harry! Can't you see it? This disgusting sly behaves like Harry! Everything he does it's so like him! His gestures, his words, his behaviour! And why? To destroy us by stealing Harry's memory, to cheat us by capturing what was Harry's place in our lives! And then to kill us as his father did, who slaughtered half of my family!"
"Ron..." Hermione's voice was barely audible.
"Yes, he did!" Ron screamed. "Percy saw his files in the Ministry! He murdered a whole family, two parents, two children, CHILDREN, Hermione! And now he is teaching here and training his filthy piece of a son against us! And Dumbledore believes him, and defends him and his son, and now the whole Gryffindor house believes him, and not me and even you want me to accept that slimy, sneaking bastard, but I won't! Never! So, you have to decide! You can leave me and stay with him, or you can support me, but in that case stay away from him! Please," he added pleading. "I've already lost Harry. I don't want to lose even you..."
This was the point when Harry couldn't bear it any longer. Pressing his palms against his throbbing temples he turned around to get as far from the classroom as he could. It wasn't easy. His legs felt like they were made of jelly, his head was aching sharply, and his vision was blurry. After some tottering steps he felt he would collapse. He reached a hand to the wall and leaned to it searching for balance, when he felt an arm behind his arms.
Without realising he accepted the help, and followed his firm supporter with tightly shut eyes.
He didn't want to see. To think.
Ron's words were burning him inside, were cutting him, like Avery's favourite tool, but it was more, much more painful - without realising Ron defeated him in two fields: Ron noticed, what nobody else didn't notice, that Quietus was Harry, in the other hand he told Hermione the truth about Severus, the very thing, which was suffocating, torturing, haunting his stepfather, the fact that he murdered people, and this was the main reason he always insisted against being happy. He had used to say, that he hadn't deserved happiness. And now Harry could perfectly understand Severus' feelings, and he was desolated and scared.
Did Severus really deserve to be unhappy and die at the end? Could a sin like his be forgiven and forgotten in this life? Wasn't fifteen years of loneliness, three years of spying, dozens of saved people, an attempted self-sacrifice to save Harry when Voldemort wanted to kill him, two weeks of humiliating and painful torments in Nightmare Manor enough to wipe his sin away? Was he really and completely damned once and for all?
Harry didn't want to believe it. He want to believe that Severus would be forgiven and he could feel human again instead of a disgusting piece of filth, as Ron said of him - Ron's words, which were so identical to Severus' self-estimate!
And now he learned that Severus' victims were Ron's relatives.
Everything clicked in Harry to its perfect place. Ron's hatred, his protest against him, the Weasley family's glares at Severus. Yes, Harry could understand Ron's behaviour even before the overheard conversation, but now he could accept it too. Ron was right, and if he looked at things from Ron's point of view he acted right too. Or not right, but in the same way as Severus acted towards Ares - and Ares' parents had never killed any member of the Snape family.
"Good lord, when you think it can't be worse, it always turns out that it can," Harry muttered under his breath.
"Shh, Quietus," Neville made him sit on a chair in another empty classroom.
Harry opened his eyes and looked at him.
"Why don't you leave me alone? You heard the truth, didn't you?" he asked sarcastically.
"Rubbish," Neville cracked a half-smile. "That was not the truth. That was only Ron's version about what he believes the truth. I have my own version," he sat next to Harry.
"What's that?" Harry couldn't help but toned his voice with a slight sarcasm again.
"That's simple. You and your father are all okay for me."
Harry shook his head.
"I don't believe it. Perhaps I can believe that you are okay with me. But my father... You can hear Ron..."
"And I could hear my grandmother too," Neville sighed and cast a heavy glance at Harry.
"Your grandmother?" Harry was surprised. How was Neville's grandmother involved in all this?
"She always tells me stories about my father's cruelty. When I was a little child I was sure that she was lying. Now I know for sure, that she didn't. Never. Do you remember the day you saved me from Terry?"
"Yes, I do," Harry whispered.
"That day Terry told me the truth. His truth. That my father tortured his mother, who wasn't a Death Eater, only was in the wrong place in the wrong time. She was only suspected. But my father almost killed her. He was a pathetic excuse for a human, nothing more. But your father is another question. I assume he was accused of being a Death Eater, like Terry's mother and my father questioned him in his usual way, and under the pressure he confessed anything his tormentor wanted. It has to be the reason to hated me with passion..."
Now Harry's hands trembled and he suddenly couldn't breathe. Neville's good will just rendered the things more insufferable and complicated. Conclusions, again. Half-truths.
And Neville sacrificed his own feelings just to made Harry feel better. He cared for Harry, and Harry owed him the truth.
But how could he tell Neville? It was not his past, not his secrets, but Severus's. But Neville was so open with him. He showed concern and seriousness towards him. But he couldn't slip Severus' past out. Harry suddenly wanted to scream as loud as he could in distress.
But he didn't. Instead, he shut his eyes tightly and took some deep breaths.
"At least I can understand Ron's feelings," Harry said after the long, inner fight. "But, excuse me, Neville, I have things to attend in the Slytherin common room, and I don't want to miss dinner either."
"Well, go then, I think. Meet me tomorrow."
Harry heard the little hint of delusion in Neville's voice but he couldn't help.
Finally he would lose all of his possible friends because of this stupid secret-keeping. He hated his life's secret. And now he had to agree with Ron for his hatred towards Quietus on the top of all.
Ron acted as he had to.
In the Slytherin common room he almost could feel the tension as he came in. Nobody spoke, but the complete silence betrayed that there was a rather furious quarrel just before Harry entered and it was Harry's entrance, which interrupted it. When they saw that it was just Harry, the noise snapped out again.
"What's on?" Harry asked as he was seated next to Ares.
"Zabini," he sighed miserably. "Malfoy decided to teach him a little bit. Seemingly, he was disobedient or so."
"Disobedient?" Harry's eyes widened in shock. "Why should he obey Malfoy?"
"He shouldn't," Ares shrugged. "He, however, does. I don't know why. I think he wants to prove to them that he is worthy to be in Slytherin."
Harry didn't like the situation, but when they stopped screaming at Zabini and moved towards the dormitories, sending the visibly frozen boy ahead them, he couldn't even pretend to be indifferent. Ares looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"It's not your business, I think," he nudged the staring Harry.
"What are they up to do now?" Harry turned to him.
"I think he will be beaten a little bit," Ares' voice sounded blank. Harry could feel his blood blowing.
"How can you be so neutral? He is your housemate! And..." he couldn't finish.
"HE DID choose this way. HE wanted to be a servant. So HE has to bear the consequences."
"No. I didn't ask this. I ask how can you be such a git as not to help him..." he cast a despairing glance at Ares and stood up.
"Wait, Quietus," Ares said and pulled Harry back to the chair. "I made my decision in my first year. It was not simple, I had to pay for it, but I did it nevertheless. And there are people like me. Janus, for example. You don't need to join either group here. But if you decide to do it, you have to bear the consequences of your decision."
Harry looked at Ares, contemplating on what he heard. Well, most definitely, this wasn't the Gryffindor Tower. Seemingly, here there were other rules to play. He felt a short moment of uncertainty. But when he heard the first muffled cry from the dormitories, he didn't hesitate any more. He pulled out his wand and ran through the dorm's door.
"Stop it! Now!" he bellowed as he learned from Severus.
In the shady room he could see two figures straightening and a third leaning to a bed, observing the other two's 'work'.
"Get out, Snape," Malfoy's voice snapped. "We don't need your presence."
"Leave him alone, Malfoy, or I will curse you."
"It's not your house, it's not your business."
"Well, if I remember correctly, my father is the head of this house, so it is indeed my business."
"Concerned, are you?" sarcasm toned Malfoy's voice. "No, Snape. Get out now. I don't mind your parentage," and waved his hand towards his cronies who turned to the quietly moaning Zabini to go on with their work.
"Stupefy!" Harry yelled, pointing at the two idiots.
"How dare you...?" began Malfoy and stepped closer to Harry.
"How dare YOU?" Harry asked in return and in the next moment he exploded.
Seemingly, it was too much all what happened that afternoon. Severus' news, Ron's revelation, Neville's failed comfort, Ares' uncaring words - when he regained his normal self again he was lying on the floor, his shoulders pinned strongly by Ares. Draco was sitting on a bed, pressing a large, bloody handkerchief on his face.
And Severus was standing in the door.
"What's going on here?" he asked menacingly not noticing the Harry lying nearby for which he was really grateful.
"Your son hit me in the face, professor," Malfoy's voice dipped in hatred. "He threatened to kill me."
"It's a pity I've failed, disgusting git," Harry groaned struggling to get away from the contact with Ares.
Severus just now realised that he was in the room too.
"Mr Nott, move from him, now," he ordered sharply. When Ares let Harry's shoulder go he sat up. "Explain," Severus looked at him coldly.
"He made his cronies beat Zabini. I said him to stop. He didn't. We had a fight then."
"YOU started it!" Malfoy shouted.
"Silence!" Severus bellowed at them. "Is it true, Mr Malfoy?"
The blonde boy stood up and crossed his arms over his chest impertinently. He wasn't as threatening as he wanted to, he had a black eye and his nose was still bleeding.
"What? That your son wanted to kill me?" he spat.
"Don't talk rubbish. I asked you about Zabini," Severus, on the contrary was menacing.
Malfoy shrugged.
"He offered to work to me. He failed his role. I gave him the proper punishment."
"Slavery is not allowed in Hogwarts, Mr Malfoy, neither in Slytherin House!" Snape's voice was angrier than ever.
"Last year you didn't seem so set against it," Malfoy smirked at him.
"It's 50 points from Slytherin, Mr Malfoy. And one week of detention with Mr Filch. Come to my office tomorrow after lunch to fix the details." His glare was cool as he stared at the blonde boy. "And the next time I hear about you using your classmates as slaves or servants, you will be expelled. And I don't know if you can find any other school to attend, Mr Malfoy. Durmstrang is not waiting for you, I think."
Harry's heart began to pound faster. Just the three of them knew what Severus was talking about.
"I will send a letter to your father too. I will let him know that you called public attention to yourself again with a fight with your... cousin."
The next moment Malfoy paled so perfectly that Harry thought he would faint. He bit his lips and turned away from his professor.
Severus just looked at him steadily.
"Do you understand?"
"I do," Malfoy said and he added, "sir."
Severus now turned to Harry.
"As for you, we will fix you a detention with Hagrid. I think he needs somebody to help him in keeping clean his... animals," he said sarcastically. "And now come."
Harry stood up and followed the man to their quarters.
When they arrived and Severus closed the door behind him, he strode across his favourite chair, he sat down facing Harry.
"Explain."
"What?" Harry's voice sounded tired. Well, he was tired. Deadly. And he didn't know what he should tell Severus. He certainly wasn't ready to reveal any part of the afternoon's conversations. Most of all not Ron's remarks regarding his... past.
Severus looked at him through the curtain of his greasy hair. He even scowled in anger.
"You are not that kind of a fighter. Why did you beat Malfoy? And if you decided to attack him, why didn't you use a curse or a spell?"
Harry lowered his head.
"You won't believe it," he sighed, "but I didn't even think of using my wand. I lost my temper when I saw them punching Zabini."
He lifted his gaze and their eyes locked.
"You are hiding something," Severus said, this time much calmer.
"I don't want to talk about it, Severus. Not yet at least," he added the last sentence as he saw the annoyance appearing on his uncle's face. "Sorry. It's too... personal."
"Mr Weasley, I assume?" there was pure loathing in the voice.
Harry waved his hand.
"I don't want to talk about it. Please."
They stared at each other intensely, but it was Severus who finally gave up.
"Alright. But you know, you can tell me, if something is disturbing you."
"I know. And I think I will tell you everything, but not now," Harry nodded and hoped he could come to terms with the things he heard. With all of them. It seemed impossible now.
He couldn't sleep in that night either. He somehow succeeded in fooling Severus, who never fell asleep before Harry, but this time Harry needed time to think. To think and re-think.
So, his facade was fading. At least Ron caught something. Hermione didn't, but now that Ron called her attention to the similarities, it was very possible that she would figure out. But what could he do about it? Deny till the end. Nothing else.
As for Severus - it was a harder topic. Harry knew very well his past, their common captivity had made Severus share his secrets with Harry. But until now those secrets and sins were nameless and so they were neutral in a certain sense. This time, however, he got to know at least four out of them. Four. A family. Two adults and two children.
Bloody hell.
He wasn't angry with Severus, he wasn't deluded either. He just didn't know how to judge the whole thing.
He loved the man. His uncle. His father. And he had forgiven him those things, which were Severus' sins against him. But how could he forgive the other things? It wasn't his place to forgive this time. And it made the things much more complicated.
Severus longed, yearned for forgiving, Harry knew it, and he knew precisely that he could never forgive himself first of all. Even if all the dead people he killed resurrected all of a sudden, and said him that they forgave him, he wouldn't forgive himself. And now here came Ron and... and...
But Severus hadn't killed them for pleasure or for fun. He had killed because he had been ordered to - there had been a war and he had been commanded. And he had needed time to realise that he had chosen the wrong side.
He had explained this to Severus several times, but he always had repeated:
"It was my decision to join that bastard."
He had many excuses, but Severus had never accepted any of them.
"It was my decision."
ONE wrong decision! One, he made to satisfy his parents. To be pleased and accepted.
"You were a child."
"I wasn't. I was adult enough to ponder and to make my decision. I did, and I did it wrong."
And this time as the figures of Severus' victims began to gain their shape, to personalise in Harry's mind he started to understand. For him, it was all an ethical question. For Severus, it was the reality.
And for Ron too.
As he finally fell asleep his dream was eventful and uneasy. But still, he didn't have any nightmares.
The next day was Friday.
Harry was dreading going to lessons and facing Ron and Hermione, and even Neville, but he did it nevertheless. He tried to be invisible and he was more quiet than ever, however, the first class was History and professor Binns opened a dialogue with Harry again. He answered the ghost's questions half-heartedly and he was relieved when the lesson finished.
He wanted to slip out of the classroom just as the lesson ended, but Hermione caught him and stopped him in the hallway.
"Quiet?"
Harry turned around timidly and gulped. He wasn't afraid of Hermione, he was afraid of seeing distrust and rejection in her eyes. But he didn't see them.
"Parvati said you were looking for me yesterday."
Oh, that was.
"Yes. I just wanted to tell you that father has found the potion for Lupin and he will be released from the hospital in a few days. He even regained consciousness," he fixed his gaze firmly at his feet.
"Oh, this is wonderful! I knew he would find it! He is a very good potions master after all, isn't he?"
Harry was shocked. He would expect anything from Hermione, but this. Hermione was praising Severus after all she had heard the day before... Suddenly he managed to open his mouth.
"When I was looking for you yesterday, I overheard your conversation with Ron."
Hermione paled visibly.
"You did?"
Harry nodded.
"And I decided to end our friendship. I don't want to hurt your relationship. I will avoid you as much as I can."
"You won't and..."
"I will. I'm fed up with these suspicions and judgements. Tell Ron, I won't meet you and study with you again and tell him he is right, I really wanted to gain his house's and his friendship, but now - I just don't want it any more. I don't mind what they think of me. Or what you think of me," he said and he practically ran away from the angry girl. He didn't want to start a quarrel and to wait for Ron to finish it. The only person Harry decided not to abandon was Neville, as he saw that he was the only person he opened up to. Harry cared for Neville since he heard of his home life and despite Harry's continuous and compelled secret-keeping they became sort of friends too.
Harry saw, he wasn't that blind, that Hermione tried to catch him the whole day to Ron's immense annoyance, but Harry didn't give her the chance to speak. He used all the sneaking and snooping talents he had and managed to dodge her tries.
The weekend was going to be a Hogsmeade weekend, but Severus told Harry after dinner that they would go to the St Mungo's instead and they would bring Lupin to Snape Manor to his friend's care. Harry was so happy that he even forgot his problems.
"What was his problem precisely, Severus?" he asked the question now that Severus knew the answer as they were facing the hospital the following day.
"His fellows nearly ate him," he smirked. "If he had been a human, he would have died. If he had been a mere werewolf he would have died. But he wasn't a mere werewolf, because he has been drinking the Wolfsbane Potion for years and this changed his organs' functions. So he survived, but barely. He was comatose and we needed a potion that could overcome the Wolfsbane's effects as well as the effects of the other werewolves' bites. It's not a simple potion, not at all, and Lupin will hate me, because he has to take it in every two or three days to be able to stay conscious. But in return he could shift his shape whenever he wants it."
"Wow! It means that he has become an animagus!"
Severus cast an annoyed glance to him.
"Don't be stupid. He will never be just an animagus. He will be still a werewolf and he will transform every full moon like he used to. But all his transformations will be easier and he can do it willingly too."
"Will he still need to take Wolfsbane?"
"No, just the new potions. Isn't it enough?"
"Bah. It is," Harry grinned.
Then they discussed the ingredients and the brewing methods too, and Harry experienced surprised that he could understand the essence of Severus' words. Well, there were still gaps in his potions knowledge, but the last months of continuous study had its results on him. Even Severus made a short remark about it.
"Your marks have improved beautifully. Those hours in the library with Miss Granger," he winked at Harry who blushed violently.
"It was me and not her who studied all this and read all those books. Yes, she was there, but I was the one who learned it."
"Oh, so you finally give up the 'I'm stupid and untalented' behaviour and accept the fact that you would do very fine in Ravenclaw."
"I'm not a Ravenclaw!" Harry snapped.
"But you could be," Severus shrugged and let the topic fall. They were standing in front of Lupin's bed.
"Hello, Lupin. I'm glad to see you conscious again."
"So, it's true, isn't it?" was Lupin's reaction. Sad and bitter reaction.
"What?" Severus was taken aback.
"Harry has died."
Harry shifted uncomfortably and fixed his eyes firmly at the end of Lupin's bed.
Severus nodded.
"And I made peace with Bl... Padfoot," the Potions Master added quietly. He used Black's nickname, because he was still running from the law.
Lupin sat up instantly gaping at them.
"What?"
"We were devastated over his death and we decided not to continue the old quarrels and not to cherish old dislikes. He lives at my Manor now with that little girl you saved."
"Oh, Anne," Lupin smiled broadly. "What did Padfoot say as he heard her name?"
"WE were stunned, Lupin," he assured him.
"Oh," Lupin cast an apologising glance at the tall man. "Sorry. I didn't realise..."
"It's alright."
Lupin just now cast a thoughtful gaze at Harry. He greeted his ex-professor politely.
"Good morning, sir."
"I assume he is your son, Severus," as he was given a nod he continued. "He looks like your brother." He turned to Harry. "Remus Lupin."
"Quietus Snape, sir."
He paled.
"Is it a joke, Severus?"
"No. He is my son and I wanted to call him after the one worthy person of my family, Lupin. He attends Hogwarts now, but let's finish this conversation and go home to meet old friends, finally."
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The whole day Harry could feel Lupin's eyes on him wherever he went. Harry could see that he wanted to speak to him, and he didn't have any objections against a conversation, but Anne had captured him the moment they entered the main gates of the manor and didn't leave him alone afterwards.
"I'm attending a school here, at Snape, and Siri often accompanies me to school as Padfoot. He is very cute," Harry just blinked at this remark, Sirius as a dog was like the Grim and was anything but cute. "He even tried to teach me magic, but he couldn't. I'm not a witch, I said to him before, but he always says that a Black can't be a simple muggle. He is Black too, did you know it?" When Harry nodded she continued chatting merrily. "I said to you that I had a dog there, in my old house, and he is so like him! And he can do a lot of tricks with his wand, once he even turned my hair purple!" he giggled. "Like once Erica did to his father, when she was angry with him..."
"Who is Erica?" Harry somehow managed to insert a question into Anne's monologue.
"Oh, Erica was a girl from the street I lived. She is about your age," she smiled at Harry, "but she isn't as calm as you..."
"Was she a witch?" Harry asked suddenly.
Anne shook her head.
"No. I think she just put something into his dad's shampoo..."
Shampoo. Anne's mention of shampoo began a line of thoughts in Harry as he was listening to the endless speech of the girl. Anne didn't stop either for a moment and Harry didn't have the heart to interrupt her until evening when Sirius ordered Anne to bed to her utter dislike.
"I want to stay with Quiet. He is so rarely at home!"
"We will stay until tomorrow evening," Harry said to her. "Now, go to bed and be a good girl!"
Anne sighed theatrically and went.
Sirius took Severus to Fletcher to make some corrections on the Manor's defence system. Harry remained alone with the curious Lupin.
"I didn't know Severus has a son," Lupin said as they were alone after the long day.
"Nobody knew, sir," Harry shrugged slightly. "He kept it secret from everybody."
"Why?"
"To protect me."
"From Vol... You-Know-Who?" asked Lupin.
"You can say Voldemort, sir. I'm used to it. And I was raised by muggles. It doesn't bother me."
"So you know about Severus' relation with the Dark Lord."
"He has no relations with him, sir," Harry hissed angrily. "Certainly not after this summer."
"I know," Lupin answered calmly. "I thought of his past. And his reputation."
Harry shrugged.
"I don't mind it. And I tell you, if I hadn't been aware of his reputation before, in the first day of school all the others would have made me know it."
"Prejudices?"
"And conclusions. And expectations. And hatred, mostly from Harry Potter's..." Harry interrupted himself. "It's not important."
"Is it Ronald Weasley?"
Harry nodded.
"Well, it's not a surprise. I assume the Weasleys finally told their children what happened to the other part of their family and why they wanted so many children."
"What?" Harry didn't understand the last sentence.
"After the extermination of Molly's and Arthur's families, they decided to have a lot of children, to have a big family."
Harry rubbed his forehead tiredly. Seemingly, the past determined the present. At his movement Lupin became more animated.
"You remind me someone I couldn't place a finger on."
"My uncle?" Harry guessed. He had been compared with his father almost always by the adults around him. But Lupin shook his head.
"No. Certainly not. However, you are like him a lot. But your gestures..."
Very well. Harry was grateful that he didn't have to stay with Lupin for long. He was sure his ex-professor would uncover his secret in no time.
"You are Ravenclaw, aren't you?"
"I wasn't sorted," Harry answered aloud. 'No. I'm Gryffindor,' he thought to himself.
Lupin again cast on him his knowing gaze.
"I see."
That evening they didn't speak more. Harry somehow was sure Lupin had figured it out by now.
He even told Severus his suspicion.
"He knows."
"No. He has feelings and suspicions, but he doesn't know."
Harry couldn't sleep again. He was almost overtired, but sleep avoided him.
"Something is bothering you," Severus said calmly after listening to Harry's stirring for two hours. "Did you have a nightmare? Or anything happened?"
Harry was unsure about what to say. And how. And why. So he just lay in silence.
"The same thing as two days ago?" the next question came.
"Yes," Harry's voice was hoarse.
Severus' tactics were extremely successful when it came to question him.
"It was Ron."
"Yes."
"He offended you."
"Well, no, not really. I've overheard a conversation between him and Hermione."
"Ron spoke about me, didn't he?"
"No," Harry lied. He wasn't ready to that talk. Not yet. "He said that I want to gain Harry's place and Harry's friends in order to sneak myself into the Light Side and betray them."
Severus chuckled.
"Well you want Harry's place, don't you? However I did never guess he would be the first to see the similarities between you and the old Harry."
"Do you see them?" Harry asked curiously.
"Yes, for me you are almost the same. But Albus said you have changed. I can't judge it. I see you every day, I saw you changing and rearranging your life, so I was accustomed your changes gradually. Albus on the contrary. He barely sees you, so for him your changes are enormous and abrupt. I had a hard time showing him it didn't happen all of a sudden."
"But I didn't change," Harry looked stunned.
"You did, Quiet. And not only your grades. Your whole behaviour. I think you're growing up," he smiled at him. "And it's lucky you did. I think this is the only reason Miss Granger hasn't uncovered you yet."
"But if I'm really an adult, why am I running to you with my stupid problems? Why can't I solve them alone?"
"You aren't running to me. On the contrary. You always do your best to solve them alone, however, you shouldn't. I'm here to help you."
"Adults don't need help."
At this point Severus burst into laughter. It wasn't a joyful or a happy laughter, it was rather sad.
"Quite the contrary."
Harry looked at him unbelievably.
"You are fooling me. You never share your problems with me."
"I don't think it would be too wise to do it. You are... er... my nephew and my step-son. I don't think it's good if a parent tells his problems to his child. I have my friend to talk to if I need to."
Severus sighed. It was close. He almost let his feelings slip to Harry. Surely, the boy would have been freaked out if he had said 'my son'. Jealousy bit into his heart. He was jealous of Potter. And of Quietus. All the so-called fathers of Harry. And he was ashamed of his jealousy.
Harry looked at him in confusion. He didn't know what Severus wanted to tell him first. He was too young? He was not trustworthy? Surely.
Severus didn't trust him. Despite his words he still considered him a stupid boy, and his pathetic explanation about parents and children just made it worse.
And there were Ron's words too.
He was right when he had decided not to tell Severus those remarks. He could handle with them himself. He didn't need Severus' contempt on top of everything else.
No, he wasn't right, he thought. Severus never had contempt for him. He always treated him as an adult. But then again why didn't he tell Harry his problems? Why did he shut him out? It was the matter of friendship again, Harry realised, but until now he always thought of his mates in this way: the mutuality of sharing things. It was his greatest problem with them - he couldn't share too much with them, so they couldn't become his real friends, except for, perhaps, Neville.
He dragged the blanket up to his chin and wrapped tight around him. He felt sadness emerging in his chest, but he didn't allow himself to cry. Adults didn't cry. Adults.
But he wasn't an adult.
And Severus said Harry was.
His confusion reached its limit. He didn't know how to think about himself any more.
And he still didn't know what to think about Severus.
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Next chapter: due time! (Wednesday)
One of mine dirtiest exam is over. A as always;-) I have three remained.