"So what changed?" Dr Jordan asked.
"I think I should go back to the day I went into labour. You see I was being stubborn and pigheaded so I insist on working right up until my due date. So when I was three days over due I went to Bethesda for a check up and on the way back I stopped in at JAG to say hi to everyone but the office was deserted except for Jason Tiner."
"Jason Tiner?" Dr Jordan questioned.
"He's a Petty Officer, he's Admiral Chedwiggen's personal aide I suppose. He was the only one in the office because everyone had gone on an bomb threat evacuation test. They were all out of the building, an important message came in for the Admiral so I stayed in the office in case anyone called. When Harm found I out was there he high tailed it up the stairs to the office to check I was ok, which is quite sweet if you think about it."
"He was definitely showing concern. What happened next?"
"Harm had work to do so Jason drove me home, but by the time we got there I had started having contractions. So I got him to drive me back to Bethesda. He offered to call Harm but I told him not to until it was certain I was in labour."
"That doesn't too unreasonable, I mean if he was busy it was probably a good idea not to interrupt him unnecessarily."
"It gets worse. Once I was confirmed, Jason offered to call him, but I insisted that he drive back to JAG and tell Harm in person, then get him to go to my apartment and my bag."
"Why do you think you did that?" Dr Jordan asked.
"To buy myself a little time I guess, I think I needed to know I could cope with the contractions before Harm came."
"You didn't to show him that you were vulnerable and you could cope." Mac nodded. "From what I understand about the Marines they always try to be tough and on top of everything, not to show any weaknesses am I right?"
"Yeah. If you let the enemy see your weakness and you can get killed, you have to take everything life throws at you and not show any reaction."
"But be a Marine isn't who you are, is just part of what makes you you, you have other parts which you have to focus on too." Dr Jordan countered.
"But being a Marine has been part of my life for so long, it was my stability after everything that went wrong before it. It was my saviour."
"I think we need to deal with that in another session, why don't we finish talking about you and Harm got together."
"After Jenny was born Harm was over at my apartment practically every hour he wasn't at work until I kicked him out. He's so good with her, he sings her to sleep. I knew I loved him for a long time, I didn't realise it until it said it to Sturgis, then I admitted it to Harriet when we went baby shopping, and then there was the woman at the doctor's office who got me to admit it to her. Once he was watching while I was asleep and when I woke up he was on my couch with Jenny asleep on his chest. It was so sweet."
"I think you're digressing here Mac."
"Sorry, one night he decided that I needed a decent nights sleep so he took Jenny back to his apartment without telling me. When I woke up and she wasn't there I was frantic, so when I went over to his apartment I screamed and him and slapped him across the face. I guess I broke down, he spent the night holding me in his arms. When I was still pregnant he said something about getting a place together and I accused him of wanting to control my life, but that night I agreed I thought it was the best idea."
"Did you really think it was a good idea or did you just agree to because you were scared at the thought of losing Jenny?"
"I'm sure, it seemed to be the right thing to do. I love him and I think I needed him there. So he bought us this really cute house, it's home. So one day when we were visiting I took the courage and kissed him and told him I loved him. I told him I wanted to take things slowly. So three weeks later he had a case in front of me, just before the court case he asked me to marry him. I yelled at him about having lousy timing. But I said yes."
"Was it some big grand proposal?" Dr Jordan asked.
"No. I think it was a more spur of the moment kind of proposal. I did insist that he chose the ring himself so I called all our friends and told them not to help him. He didn't make a bad choice." Mac showed the Doctor the ring. "That's when he did the big grand proposal. He took Jenny and I out to the airfield saying he had to check on his plane which is all so called Sarah after his grandmother I think, anyway Jenny and I were sat in this big patch of grass and he jumped out of a plane to propose."
"Impressive, how can a girl say no to something like that."
"I did want to say no, I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It's not like when Mic proposed and I took months to think it over before saying yes for the wrong reasons. Before you ask yes it was probably trying to hide my feelings for Harm. You think I'd be happy I've got everything I ever wanted, a job I love, a beautiful daughter, a guy who worships the ground I walk on, a safe and secure house. What else could I want right? But for some reason I still keep pushing him away."
"So what happened to bring you here today?" Dr Jordan asked.
"A couple of weeks ago Harm was sent on assignment for JAG and on the first Friday he was away, I got called to the crèche Jenny spiked a fever and I had to take her to the hospital. She spent to days there with a viral infection so they could monitor. Harm called one of our friends when he couldn't get a hold of me. When I called him back I lied to him about where I'd been and why I wouldn't be home that night."
"Why did you lie to him?" She asked.
"I don't know. The Admiral offered to have him recalled but I told him not to. I told him that whatever Harm was doing was important and more importantly his job. If he wasn't in the JAG corps he couldn't have been recalled so I wasn't going to let them interfere. If I'd told him he would have been straight on a plane back and I couldn't let him ruin his career when I knew Jenny was going to be okay."
"Sounds like you wanted to prove to yourself that you could cope on your own with a crisis. That if anything happened to him you would be cope by yourself, you could hold it together and get you and Jenny through it."
"Do you really think that's what it is? A need to prove that I can do this myself?" Mac asked.
"Sounds like it, but I'd also say you have some deeper issues we need to explore but we're out of time today. When would be a good time for you to have your next appointment?"
"I've got a few days leave as I had to go back to work straight after Jenny got out of the hospital to finish a trial."
"How would Monday at three suit you?" She asked after consulting her diary.
"That would be good, I can leave Jenny in the crèche for a few hours. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I'll see you on Monday."
"I think I should go back to the day I went into labour. You see I was being stubborn and pigheaded so I insist on working right up until my due date. So when I was three days over due I went to Bethesda for a check up and on the way back I stopped in at JAG to say hi to everyone but the office was deserted except for Jason Tiner."
"Jason Tiner?" Dr Jordan questioned.
"He's a Petty Officer, he's Admiral Chedwiggen's personal aide I suppose. He was the only one in the office because everyone had gone on an bomb threat evacuation test. They were all out of the building, an important message came in for the Admiral so I stayed in the office in case anyone called. When Harm found I out was there he high tailed it up the stairs to the office to check I was ok, which is quite sweet if you think about it."
"He was definitely showing concern. What happened next?"
"Harm had work to do so Jason drove me home, but by the time we got there I had started having contractions. So I got him to drive me back to Bethesda. He offered to call Harm but I told him not to until it was certain I was in labour."
"That doesn't too unreasonable, I mean if he was busy it was probably a good idea not to interrupt him unnecessarily."
"It gets worse. Once I was confirmed, Jason offered to call him, but I insisted that he drive back to JAG and tell Harm in person, then get him to go to my apartment and my bag."
"Why do you think you did that?" Dr Jordan asked.
"To buy myself a little time I guess, I think I needed to know I could cope with the contractions before Harm came."
"You didn't to show him that you were vulnerable and you could cope." Mac nodded. "From what I understand about the Marines they always try to be tough and on top of everything, not to show any weaknesses am I right?"
"Yeah. If you let the enemy see your weakness and you can get killed, you have to take everything life throws at you and not show any reaction."
"But be a Marine isn't who you are, is just part of what makes you you, you have other parts which you have to focus on too." Dr Jordan countered.
"But being a Marine has been part of my life for so long, it was my stability after everything that went wrong before it. It was my saviour."
"I think we need to deal with that in another session, why don't we finish talking about you and Harm got together."
"After Jenny was born Harm was over at my apartment practically every hour he wasn't at work until I kicked him out. He's so good with her, he sings her to sleep. I knew I loved him for a long time, I didn't realise it until it said it to Sturgis, then I admitted it to Harriet when we went baby shopping, and then there was the woman at the doctor's office who got me to admit it to her. Once he was watching while I was asleep and when I woke up he was on my couch with Jenny asleep on his chest. It was so sweet."
"I think you're digressing here Mac."
"Sorry, one night he decided that I needed a decent nights sleep so he took Jenny back to his apartment without telling me. When I woke up and she wasn't there I was frantic, so when I went over to his apartment I screamed and him and slapped him across the face. I guess I broke down, he spent the night holding me in his arms. When I was still pregnant he said something about getting a place together and I accused him of wanting to control my life, but that night I agreed I thought it was the best idea."
"Did you really think it was a good idea or did you just agree to because you were scared at the thought of losing Jenny?"
"I'm sure, it seemed to be the right thing to do. I love him and I think I needed him there. So he bought us this really cute house, it's home. So one day when we were visiting I took the courage and kissed him and told him I loved him. I told him I wanted to take things slowly. So three weeks later he had a case in front of me, just before the court case he asked me to marry him. I yelled at him about having lousy timing. But I said yes."
"Was it some big grand proposal?" Dr Jordan asked.
"No. I think it was a more spur of the moment kind of proposal. I did insist that he chose the ring himself so I called all our friends and told them not to help him. He didn't make a bad choice." Mac showed the Doctor the ring. "That's when he did the big grand proposal. He took Jenny and I out to the airfield saying he had to check on his plane which is all so called Sarah after his grandmother I think, anyway Jenny and I were sat in this big patch of grass and he jumped out of a plane to propose."
"Impressive, how can a girl say no to something like that."
"I did want to say no, I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It's not like when Mic proposed and I took months to think it over before saying yes for the wrong reasons. Before you ask yes it was probably trying to hide my feelings for Harm. You think I'd be happy I've got everything I ever wanted, a job I love, a beautiful daughter, a guy who worships the ground I walk on, a safe and secure house. What else could I want right? But for some reason I still keep pushing him away."
"So what happened to bring you here today?" Dr Jordan asked.
"A couple of weeks ago Harm was sent on assignment for JAG and on the first Friday he was away, I got called to the crèche Jenny spiked a fever and I had to take her to the hospital. She spent to days there with a viral infection so they could monitor. Harm called one of our friends when he couldn't get a hold of me. When I called him back I lied to him about where I'd been and why I wouldn't be home that night."
"Why did you lie to him?" She asked.
"I don't know. The Admiral offered to have him recalled but I told him not to. I told him that whatever Harm was doing was important and more importantly his job. If he wasn't in the JAG corps he couldn't have been recalled so I wasn't going to let them interfere. If I'd told him he would have been straight on a plane back and I couldn't let him ruin his career when I knew Jenny was going to be okay."
"Sounds like you wanted to prove to yourself that you could cope on your own with a crisis. That if anything happened to him you would be cope by yourself, you could hold it together and get you and Jenny through it."
"Do you really think that's what it is? A need to prove that I can do this myself?" Mac asked.
"Sounds like it, but I'd also say you have some deeper issues we need to explore but we're out of time today. When would be a good time for you to have your next appointment?"
"I've got a few days leave as I had to go back to work straight after Jenny got out of the hospital to finish a trial."
"How would Monday at three suit you?" She asked after consulting her diary.
"That would be good, I can leave Jenny in the crèche for a few hours. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I'll see you on Monday."