Monday
Dr Jordon's office.
"So last time we talk about how you got together, but you said something about your past. Tell me about your childhood."
"Ah, I don't like to talk about it." Mac said.
"I can't help you figure out why you're pushing Harm away, unless I know where there is something in your subconscious that triggers you to do it. You don't have to tell me everything, just the basics if that helps." Dr Jordon said.
"Basically my father was abusive, that's the best word to describe it. By the time I was fifteen my mother had enough and left. After that I started drinking to stop the pain, or at least to try and hide from it. It was difficult. At some point along the line, I married a guy called Chris, which was a big mistake and he was killed a few years ago and I was accused of murdering him. Not a good experience. But the major change was when I was in a car crash, my friend and I were both drunk, he died I lived. After that my Uncle Matt, got me sobered up and convinced me to join the Marines. Best move I ever made." She paused. "Then he was implemented in a theft all dramatic stuff. Let's just say my life has been dramatic."
"Sounds it. That's a lot of information in one go. But I think I'm beginning to see what the problem is. Let's go into detail on a few of those things and well work through it."
Forty minutes later they had discussed more details to some of the things Mac had mentioned about her life. Dr Jordon umm'd and ah'd in appropriate places and asked questions.
"I think your main fear is being left alone. You've got friends and family who love you, but because it's happened to you so often you expect people who you love and that love you to leave. Your Mom left, your father emotionally abandoned you. Deep down inside I think you expect Harm to leave too, so you keep pushing him away so you know you can cope alone."
"So what do I do about it?" Mac asked.
"We have to work through it. But the main thing you should work on is learning to trust that Harm isn't going to leave, he isn't going to abandon you and Jenny. You have to let yourself be loved."
"But I do trust him." Mac stated.
"You may trust him to protect you and rescue when you need rescuing, but deep down you still expect him to leave you. I think you should go and talk to him about your fears it might help alleviate some of the fears. Get him to call me and we'll talk again because our hour is nearly up. Mac I know this is a lot to take in, but it is honestly something I can help you work through."
"Thank you."
"Why don't we set another appointment for the weekend and if something comes up and you have to change it we'll work around it."
~ ~ ~ ~
JAG headquarters 30 minutes later.
"Hey Harriet." Mac said as she walked into JAG. "Is he in?"
"Yes ma'am. He got back about ten minutes ago. He's in his office."
"Thanks, I just need a minute."
"Ma'am is everything okay?" Harriet inquired.
"It's fine. It's just been a long day."
"And Jenny is okay?"
"She's great, she's at the crèche at the moment I had an appointment so I had to leave her. I'll just go and speak to Harm and then I'll get out of everyone's hair."
"You know you're always welcome here ma'am. You're part of the family." Harriet smiled at her.
"Thanks Harriet. I'll talk to you later." Mac crossed the bullpen and knock on Harm's office door.
"Yeah." He called.
"Do you have a minute?" Mac said opening the door.
"For you I have all the time in the world." He said. "Is everything okay?" He asked.
"I think so. Dr Jordon would like you call her when you have a minute."
"So how was therapy today?" He asked.
"Tough. She wanted to know about Dad, and Mom leaving and Chris and the drinking. I think I need a hug," She said with her arms crossed over stomach.
"That I can help with that." He got up and wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "It's all going to be okay. We can work through anything together."
"You're not planning on going anywhere are you?" She whispered into to his chest.
"I may have to go away for work for a few days every now but my heart is always going to be here with you and Jenny. I love you both and that's not going to change."
"Thank you. That's what I needed to hear." She smiled as he pushed her hair out of her face. "I'd better go and get Jenny and let you get back to work."
"If you need anything you know where I am." He said before kissing her. She nodded.
"What time will you be home?" She asked.
"Around 2000. I've got loads of work to do. If I'm going to be any later I'll call you."
"Okay. I'll see you later."
A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out but it took me a while to figure out how little I knew about Mac's background and even with the excellent character summaries I read it difficult to know how far into I could go.
"So last time we talk about how you got together, but you said something about your past. Tell me about your childhood."
"Ah, I don't like to talk about it." Mac said.
"I can't help you figure out why you're pushing Harm away, unless I know where there is something in your subconscious that triggers you to do it. You don't have to tell me everything, just the basics if that helps." Dr Jordon said.
"Basically my father was abusive, that's the best word to describe it. By the time I was fifteen my mother had enough and left. After that I started drinking to stop the pain, or at least to try and hide from it. It was difficult. At some point along the line, I married a guy called Chris, which was a big mistake and he was killed a few years ago and I was accused of murdering him. Not a good experience. But the major change was when I was in a car crash, my friend and I were both drunk, he died I lived. After that my Uncle Matt, got me sobered up and convinced me to join the Marines. Best move I ever made." She paused. "Then he was implemented in a theft all dramatic stuff. Let's just say my life has been dramatic."
"Sounds it. That's a lot of information in one go. But I think I'm beginning to see what the problem is. Let's go into detail on a few of those things and well work through it."
Forty minutes later they had discussed more details to some of the things Mac had mentioned about her life. Dr Jordon umm'd and ah'd in appropriate places and asked questions.
"I think your main fear is being left alone. You've got friends and family who love you, but because it's happened to you so often you expect people who you love and that love you to leave. Your Mom left, your father emotionally abandoned you. Deep down inside I think you expect Harm to leave too, so you keep pushing him away so you know you can cope alone."
"So what do I do about it?" Mac asked.
"We have to work through it. But the main thing you should work on is learning to trust that Harm isn't going to leave, he isn't going to abandon you and Jenny. You have to let yourself be loved."
"But I do trust him." Mac stated.
"You may trust him to protect you and rescue when you need rescuing, but deep down you still expect him to leave you. I think you should go and talk to him about your fears it might help alleviate some of the fears. Get him to call me and we'll talk again because our hour is nearly up. Mac I know this is a lot to take in, but it is honestly something I can help you work through."
"Thank you."
"Why don't we set another appointment for the weekend and if something comes up and you have to change it we'll work around it."
~ ~ ~ ~
JAG headquarters 30 minutes later.
"Hey Harriet." Mac said as she walked into JAG. "Is he in?"
"Yes ma'am. He got back about ten minutes ago. He's in his office."
"Thanks, I just need a minute."
"Ma'am is everything okay?" Harriet inquired.
"It's fine. It's just been a long day."
"And Jenny is okay?"
"She's great, she's at the crèche at the moment I had an appointment so I had to leave her. I'll just go and speak to Harm and then I'll get out of everyone's hair."
"You know you're always welcome here ma'am. You're part of the family." Harriet smiled at her.
"Thanks Harriet. I'll talk to you later." Mac crossed the bullpen and knock on Harm's office door.
"Yeah." He called.
"Do you have a minute?" Mac said opening the door.
"For you I have all the time in the world." He said. "Is everything okay?" He asked.
"I think so. Dr Jordon would like you call her when you have a minute."
"So how was therapy today?" He asked.
"Tough. She wanted to know about Dad, and Mom leaving and Chris and the drinking. I think I need a hug," She said with her arms crossed over stomach.
"That I can help with that." He got up and wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "It's all going to be okay. We can work through anything together."
"You're not planning on going anywhere are you?" She whispered into to his chest.
"I may have to go away for work for a few days every now but my heart is always going to be here with you and Jenny. I love you both and that's not going to change."
"Thank you. That's what I needed to hear." She smiled as he pushed her hair out of her face. "I'd better go and get Jenny and let you get back to work."
"If you need anything you know where I am." He said before kissing her. She nodded.
"What time will you be home?" She asked.
"Around 2000. I've got loads of work to do. If I'm going to be any later I'll call you."
"Okay. I'll see you later."
A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out but it took me a while to figure out how little I knew about Mac's background and even with the excellent character summaries I read it difficult to know how far into I could go.