I look out the window of my new English home and watch strangers try unsuccessfully to avoid the rain. It's the first time in a long time that I've looked through a window; first time I've had any light besides that of a candle. It hurts to open my eyes to sunlight; it's scary to sleep at night without the sound of water on stone or rats that scurry about. It's not the same playing piano in a furnished room with red carpeting and a golden chandelier. Yet it's not so much the house that bothers me. It's the loneliness.
Staring out the window, I let my fingers play what they will on the piano as I try to forget everything. I am not depressed, just tired and bored. I have opened an advertisement to those seeking a room in which to shelter themselves for a cheap price. Cheaper than I guess the rooms are worth; considering that I offered to feed them lunch and dinner and gave them free roam of the manor; but I don't care about money. I have saved enough to last me the rest of my life as a king if I wanted. All I ask is that they do not bother me.
I have three boarders right now: A young dance instructor named David who has requested the use of my ballroom in the mornings for his students. I gave him permission on account that he leaves it to me in the evenings. There is a doctor that is staying here named Emmanuel Montgomery who is mostly out all day long and is sleeping in the afternoons. He has requested to use one of my rooms for what, I don't know. I also gave him permission. And then there is a woman who just lost her secretary job for apartment renting. Her name is Amelia. I am thinking of asking her to work for me so that people's shock when they come to rent a room and see my face will not be necessary. They just won't see me at all. I refuse to wear any kind of mask again.
"Erik?" The voice startled me out of my trance and I turned to see little Amelia standing at the entrance of the ballroom. The ballroom is my favorite room of the manor. It is lit by candle and the floors- despite the red carpet in one corner of the room- are tiled. Big red velvet curtains cover the giant window which occupies an entire wall and gives it a warm feeling. The room itself is about as big as a house and completely empty, save the piano. Amelia stood in front of the double doors that led out into the entry way which held a grand staircase leading up to two more floors consisting of about twenty rooms each. She looks small in comparison to the room.
"What?" I ask hoarsely, turning back to the window, but stopping my fingers on the piano.
"That was beautiful. What you were playing." She spoke with awe, but my irritation at her interruption vanquished any pleasure I found in her compliment. " Did you make that up?"
"What may I do for you Miss Croswell?" My voice sounded a little too harsh I fear, for she backed up instinctively, as someone would do to a wild animal. I wasn't in the mood to talk.
"N-Nothing, I was just... I mean...um... goodnight." She turned to leave and I let her. Pretty little thing she was. Long blonde hair pulled up into a loose bun; a crooked nose, but otherwise delicate facial features. Brown eyes and thin lips that I'm sure were always smiling when she wasn't in my presence. She was petite, just like Christine, and jumpy too. I don't think the girl could sing a note to save her life, but she did have a dancer's body and might have danced at one time in her life. She was here all day, seeing as she was jobless; and I gave her the room for free until she found a new job. Maybe if I employed her, it would keep her busy and away from me.
I had only been here a month, but it seemed as if it had been a year. Christine's wedding was today. It said so in the newspaper.
Okay, so maybe I was depressed, but depression gave in to loneliness. No one would want to marry this face. Why, I ask myself, did God put me here in a world full of hypocrites who claim to see past the obvious and the facade, but really make up one for themselves by saying such? Did he laugh at my misfortune as so many others had? Why couldn't he at least create a cold heart to go along with this hideous form? Why waste a perfectly good heart?
I heard laughter and soft whispering outside the doors. I had told my renters that they may invite whom they wish as long as I am not disturbed. The sound was disturbing to me. Maybe I was just trying to find a reason to be angry; actually I'm more than sure that that's exactly what I was doing. But I needed to let my frustration out. No excuse of course, but more of a fact at the moment; an urgent need to release before it consumed and killed me. With great force, I slammed my fist into the piano and headed towards the double doors. The laughter had stopped, but the hushed voices had panic in them. I heard running and the creak of stairs. A scream emanated from what I soon found to be quite an attractive female, as her heel got caught on the edge of a step and fell into the staircase. She and the dance instructor were obviously drunk.
As I pushed through the doors, I paused a moment and took in the scene. The young woman was crying as her knee was bleeding profusely and the third stair in my staircase was broken in. David sat on the floor and laughed maniacally at her. They both had tears running down their cheeks, hers from the pain no doubt, his from what he perceived to be hilarious. I believe he was too drunk to see the blood or anything at the moment. But my beliefs were wrong. I soon realized that what he was laughing at was me. When the woman saw me, she began crying harder. It's amazing how someone's true colors can be exposed when drunk... or angry.
With great speed, I moved to David and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him off the ground with one hand. And surprisingly enough, he laughed harder, as if it were all a game. The woman began screaming uncontrollably, as in her drunken state she could only probably see a monster. I didn't care. I shook David vigorously, and now, despite his efforts to continue laughing, he began to choke. The woman's screaming brought Miss Amelia and Doctor Montgomery down the stairs. The doctor immediately began tending to the screaming woman, and Amelia approached me slowly as if I were a prisoner gone mad. I hadn't realized that I'd been screaming also until my head hurt. David continued to choke and laugh. I continued screaming at him. His face was turning blue, and yet I made an unconscious decision not to let him go until he stopped laughing at me. There was panic in Amelia's face as she attempted to pry my fingers from his throat. I couldn't quite hear what she was saying. Only the tug of my pant leg got my attention long enough to make me stop and drop David. A little boy stood there with brown curls and a curious face. He was no more than five or six, and yet, he didn't seem afraid of me at all. Instead, he had a face full of determination and anger.
"Put my daddy down." I dropped David and stared at the little boy. All was silent except for the small whimpers of the woman with the bloody knee. David lay passed out from my choking him. The little boy looked up at me with such bravery, I almost took a step back.
"H-He was... laughing at me." I sounded like a fool, and hated myself at that moment. Maybe I was going insane. The little boy pushed by me and knelt down by his father. I turned and headed back to the ballroom without a word.
After closing the doors behind myself, I stood there for a while. Only five minutes had passed in my tirade of anger, and I almost killed a man. Had I no self control? When I finally left the ballroom, everyone was gone, and the house had returned to it's deadly quiet. The rain had stopped, I could feel it, and for the first time in forever, I sighed.