:oh thank you for the reviews! I'm really pleased with the response considering I haven't been around in a while. Keep them coming! (Allie, do you forgive me? lol) Matthew Perry on Radio 2, woohoo! Ahh just love him…but then, don't we all? Haha
Jonathon Ross(DJ): So how old are you now? 44?
Matthew Perry: 44? I'm 33!
Matthew: I like REM, Coldplay…U2… I have a feminine taste in music…
Jonathon: *cough* gay…
Matthew: *laughs* Peter Gabrielle…is that all right?
Love him…love him
Love and White LiesChapter 5 – Prison of Doom
Chandler walked confidently into the ER department of JFK Hospital, a smile playing around on his lips. It didn't matter that he had just entered what his colleagues called the 'Prison of Doom', where trauma and upset was high on the cards over the next 12 hours. All he could think about was Monica and how much she was beginning to mean to him. He walked through the hallways giving a nod to the doctors he hadn't seen in just over a week – pre-Monica week. Now Post-I had no girlfriend-loss of sense of humour week.
Chandler grinned when he saw his close friend Dr. Lowell Randall walk up to him. Lowell usually worked in the Burns Unit but had been covering for Chandler in ER while he had been in Rome.
"Hey Chandler!" Lowell now exclaimed, "Welcome back to the prison!"
"Shh!" Chandler hissed, laughing, "I don't think the patients want to hear us call the ER that."
"Ok, maybe not." Lowell admitted, grinning and slapping Chandler on the back, "but you haven't answered my question yet! Did you have fun touring round those ancient buildings?"
"Ah, well, the trip was…interesting," Chandler conceded, walking over to reception and picking up his clipboard to view the patients list.
"Interesting." Lowell echoed, following him around the department, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Our careers are interesting Chandler…American Idol is interesting…but not trips to Europe!" Lowell rolled his eyes, "Come on what happened? Ever since you walked through that door you've been wearing a smile probably similar to what mine was the day Brian from ICU finally came out of the closet!"
"Brian's gay?!" Chandler exclaimed, his eyebrows shooting up in shock.
"Oh yeah, you missed that." Lowell replied, grinning, "A bit of a shock to most people here but not to me."
"I never would've guessed," Chandler mused, "What made him confess?"
"I did," Lowell admitted proudly, "I told him if he didn't want Janice continuously flirt with him all the time he'd better just admit it."
"Oh god…Janice." Chandler groaned. "She still around?"
"Oh yeah," Lowell replied, eyes twinkling with amusement, "What did you expect… her to quit nursing just because you dumped her? Worst break-up in history by the way…"
"Don't remind me." Chandler stopped outside a room and checked the list. "Mrs. McKormac…fell over her cat and broke her leg…"
"Don't change the subject Chandler!" Lowell interrupted, "Why are you in such a good mood?"
"I…met someone." Chandler admitted after a moment's hesitation.
"Hoho…I knew it!" Lowell said gleefully, "Details Chandler…details!"
Chandler shook his head and smiled, "You should've been a girl man…you'd get on great with my friend Rachel."
"Flamboyant and proud of it." Lowell said, shrugging.
****
"So how is it going with Mr. Hospital Orderly?" Phoebe asked Monica that same afternoon.
Monica continued to chop her onions and looked up from the kitchen table. "He's fine," she replied, smiling dreamily.
"And he still thinks you're a business woman?" Phoebe rose from her chair and looked sternly at Monica.
"Ok, ok…that needs to be sorted." Monica acknowledged, taking her eyes briefly away from the onions.
"Monica, tell him…soon!" Phoebe tried to persuade.
"Yeah…yeah." Monica murmured, "Do you think I should wear the blue dress or the black dress for our date tonight?"
"Monica, you're not listening!" Phoebe exploded, slamming her hand down on the table just as Monica brought down her knife to cut up another onion…
****
"Hello Bing-a-ling!" a familiar voice cooed behind Chandler's ear in the cafeteria.
Chandler groaned inwardly and turned around, faking a pleasant smile. "Hello Janice." He greeted. He hoped she wasn't going to sit down; he had been planning on a quiet late lunch.
To his dismay, his ex sat down opposite him. "How was Rome?" she asked excitedly.
"Um…it was ok." Chandler replied, biting into his sandwich.
Janice frowned and folded her arms. "Well I heard you met someone…are you cheating on me?!"
Chandler swallowed his food hurriedly, ready to retort. "I'm not dating you anymore Janice!" he exclaimed, "How can I be cheating on you?"
"I thought we were just taking a break!" Janice screeched, "You're still mine…not that bimbo's you met!"
Chandler threw down the remains of his sandwich and glared at Janice furiously, "Correction…I'm not yours to have!" he yelled, causing people to look up from their dinners from various tables, "And Monica is not a bimbo!"
A sound came from Chandler's beeper and he stood up. "Listen, Janice," he added more softly, "I'm sorry for the way things have turned out, but we did officially break-up two weeks ago…I'm sure you'll meet someone else." He checked his watch; "Anyway, I'm needed in ER right now. I'll see you later."
"Bye Bing-a-ling." Janice said quietly, "I hope Monica appreciates what she has."
Chandler smiled, "I hope so too." He agreed.
A few minutes later, Chandler walked back into ER and went up to Lowell. "You beeped me?" he asked.
"Yeah, where have you been? I just had to come back from Burns to cover for you."
Chandler folded his arms and glared at his friend, "Well maybe if you hadn't told the entire building about my love life, I wouldn't have got the third degree from my ex!"
Lowell grinned, "Come on, lighten up Chandler…anyway I beeped you because there's a patient in this cubicle here with a severe cut on her left hand. Probably needs stitches." He handed Chandler the clipboard and grinned again, "Have fun…the patient is a little impatient."
Chandler rolled his eyes at the bad pun and walked inside the small cubicle. A young woman with flowers braided into her blonde hair glared at him ferociously.
"Finally!" she exclaimed, "How long does it take to get some medical attention around here?"
"Sorry," Chandler apologised, walking up to the woman. He checked his clipboard, "Miss Buffay, it says here you were severely cut by your roommate with a knife?" he glanced up at the woman his brow furrowing, "On purpose?"
"No, not on purpose," the woman objected, rolling her eyes, "My roommate was chopping a onion and she wasn't paying attention to what she was doing." She smiled at Chandler, "You can call me Phoebe by the way." She winced and grabbed her bandaged covered hand.
"Well Phoebe, lets take a look at that hand, shall we?" Chandler said pleasantly, taking the injured hand into his. He unwrapped the bandage and blood poured out of the wound. "Ouch…that looks nasty."
"You don't need to tell me that," Phoebe said, wincing with pain, "It hurts like hell."
"Why wasn't your roommate paying attention to what she was doing?" Chandler asked as he cleaned up the wound.
"She was in a daydream about some guy she's dating at the moment," Phoebe explained, grinning slightly, "She's crazy about him."
"Ahh, I see." Chandler nodded and stopped cleaning the wound. "Well Phoebe, I'm afraid this is going to need stitches."
"How long will it take? My roommate is waiting outside in the car, she couldn't find a parking space." She smiled ruefully, "Monica Geller isn't exactly the most patient woman in the world."
Chandler dropped the clean bandages that he had just picked up from a drawer. He couldn't believe it. Of the entire lot of patients he could have got at that moment, it was one that knew Monica. He couldn't be seen by her…she still thought he was an orderly!
The curtain behind him flapped and a nurse popped her head in, "Doctor, there's a woman out here wishing to see the patient." She explained.
"That'll be Monica!" Phoebe explained, "She's probably worried about me."
"Um…er…can't she wait?" Chandler stuttered, "I'm still seeing to the patient here."
"She doesn't want to wait," the nurse said, shaking her head.
"Please let her in Doctor," Phoebe pleaded, "I want to tell Monica I'm not angry with her."
"Um…ok," Chandler nodded at the nurse, "bring her in."
The nurse popped her head back out. Chandler turned to Phoebe in a panic. "Ok, whatever you see next I want you to go along with ok?" he said quickly, "I'll explain everything afterwards."
"Ok," Phoebe agreed doubtfully.
Chandler took off his white jacket and stethoscope and threw them underneath the bed. Then he took off his ID badge and beeper stuffing them into his pocket.
"What the hell are you doing?" Phoebe asked in amazement.
Before Chandler could answer, Monica walked through the curtain. "Oh Phoebe!" she cried out tearfully, "Are you ok?" her eyes widened when she saw Chandler, "Oh my god, hello!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I am a orderly here," Chandler said brightly, giving Monica a long hug, "I just popped in to see if the patient wanted anything in particular." He stared at Phoebe with pleading eyes, "Didn't I?"
"Yeah…" Phoebe replied, not missing a beat, "Such great service."
"But I thought the Doctor was in here." Monica said in confusion.
"Well, he was…" Chandler told her, "but he just had to go somewhere."
"Yeah um…to get more bandages for my hand." Phoebe put in, showing her injury to Monica.
"Oh that looks so bad," Monica gasped, averting her eyes from the wound. She glanced at Chandler and smiled, "It was nice to see you again." She said softly, kissing Chandler on the lips.
"Yeah, same goes for you." Chandler said, meeting her eyes and smiling sweetly.
Phoebe gave a little cough. "Um…excuse me, not wishing to interrupt or anything," she said a little sarcastically, "But I need some medical attention here." She turned to Monica, "Why don't you get back to the car and wait there while Chandler and I wait for the doctor to come back." She glanced at Chandler and smiled.
"Ok," Monica conceded, sighing. She wrapped her arms around Chandler's shoulders and gave him a kiss. "I'll see you later." She walked out, giving him a little wave.
Phoebe broke the silence that followed. "So…Dr. Chandler Bing, nice to meet you at last. Still watching PBS?" she grinned. "I'm surprised I didn't recognise your voice."
"Ok…um…I can explain…"
"No explanations needed," Phoebe interrupted, "I can see what's going on here. You met Monica on the plane, and thinking at the time you wasn't going to see her again, you told a little white lie about your career."
Chandler smiled uncomfortably, "You probably think I'm crazy. Thanks for covering for me back there." He picked up his coat and stethoscope and put them back on. He then reattached his beeper and ID card.
"All I'm confused about is why haven't you told Monica the truth yet?" Phoebe asked.
"Because then she'll know I was lying," Chandler explained, stitching up the wound.
"If I know Monica, she would forgive you for this particular lie." Phoebe told him, smiling.
"Why do you think that?"
"Oh…no reason." Phoebe smiled cagily at Chandler, "Just a gut feeling I have, and that's all."
"Well, my gut feeling is that I'll probably get lynched if I told Monica that I've been lying to her." He smiled grimly, "And remembering what she did to this thief in Rome, I don't want to get lynched."
"Oh Monica is freakishly strong," Phoebe agreed. She looked at her now neatly bandaged hand. "As for you, if you get any gentler with your touch I may just have to employ you as a masseur." She grinned and stood up.
"You're a masseuse?" Chandler asked, interested.
"Yeah and whatever you do, don't let Monica rub your back. She almost paralysed her brother doing it."
"So…um…Monica is crazy about me?" Chandler asked, smiling shyly.
"Instead of keeping an eye on where she put her knife, Monica was thinking about you…yes, she is definitely crazy about you." She walked out of the room and waved goodbye.
Chandler breathed a sigh of relief. His encounter with Monica had been close…he had almost been found out. He knew he would have to come clean soon and he just hoped Phoebe would keep quiet until then.
End of Chapter 5