Part Three: And You Can Tell Everybody That This Is Your Song
Once the blinding white light recedes, Willow opens her eyes to find herself in a completely white room. Several shadows, wisps of people long forgotten, stand before her. Their presence marked only because in this white world their souls cast shadow.
"Welcome, Willow."
Bewildered, Willow mouth agape just stands before the beings. They smile at each other then turn to her.
"We, the old ones, have summoned you here."
"Why?"
"To give you something. Something you must have before you can ever truly love the vampire."
"But I do love him. I don't need anything more than that."
The shadows turn to each other again with a look that wonders at the follies of man.
"Child, for all your deep wisdom you have much to learn."
Another turns to her and speaks.
"You have the wisdom of the ancient ones, passed down through the years to the men on earth who can use it to do the most good. But to love your vampire, you need absolute trust."
"Something not easily given to your vampire."
"Something not easily given by your vampire."
Willow tries to follow the sounds around the rooms as the shadows speak to her.
"We give you this, the gift of ultimate trust."
"The ability for each of you to give up yourselves and rebuild in the wake of your love."
Willow feels a cold object materialize in her hand. She glances down to see a green computer chip. Realization flashes across her eyes.
"But why? Why would you remove his chip?"
Another of the shadow beings addresses the witch.
"Because it is time you learned his true nature. Good or evil?"
"It is time to take all of him and trust he accepts all of you. Now you will know the true measure of his love; the true measure of the change you have wrought on him."
"Sad times come ahead. Take comfort in each other. Go back to him and know."
Each shadow in turn starts to fade. Willow soft voice stops them.
"Why me? What do all of you care to do this for me?"
"You are favored Willow-tree. You were made for him and him for you long before this world was conceived. You have the capacity for great joy and to give it to all around you."
"You are the vessel of old knowledge. Take your blessings as they come to you. We, the old ones, will be there in the times ahead to guide you."
"To what purpose?"
"None of us know that. We help as we may."
Then they were gone and again everything went white.
})i({
Willow returns to Spike's arms with no time passed. A rough, calloused hand strokes her hair while the other still holds her close. In her own hand around his back, the chip is still clasped. Choosing to keep her experience to herself, she speaks from her heart. Willow gives him everything she has.
"I love you, Spike."
Spike looks deep in her eyes searching for the but he heard in her voice. She takes the hand from her hair and opens it placing the chip inside.
"Can you still love me?"
Tearing his eyes away from hers, his eyes look into his hand. It takes him a moment before he understands what he is holding. Instantaneously though, he knows what to do. Willow taken by surprise finds Spike's lips attacking her own. He starts to devour her like a hungry man after 126 years of starvation.
"I love you, Willow. Even without the chip. Even without a soul."
Tears again make their way down Willow's cheeks.
"Oh, you have a soul. I don't think it ever got run out. Maybe it was just hiding for awhile then came back when it was safe."
Spike kisses her again. His hands then come up to wipe away the tears racing down her face.
"Don't cry, Pet."
"Can't help it. I'm pregnant. You would make a declaration of love to a girl with a delicate hormone balance."
Spike shrugs. Attempting to gather her emotions, Willow wipes at her eyes and beams at her vampire.
"Alright. Just as long as you remember I'm not the kind of girl for torture."
Mirth bubbles up from Spike's nonexistent soul and out of his mouth in peals of laughter at the reference to his last few years with Dru.
"Sure, Little Owl, I'll remember. Wait!"
Quickly, Spike sets her down in a chair then runs off to his room. He returns seconds later with his guitar in hand.
"I may never have been as good with words and my mum thought I was, but I can still sing."
Willow leans against his shoulder arms tight around his waist while trying not to interfere with his playing. He then begins to sing the most wonderful song Willow has ever heard.
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I came here to talk
I hope you understand
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
Honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh [x4]
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
Willow kisses him upon completion of the song-a kiss sweet and full of understanding.
"Now I know your true character."
Spike looks puzzled for a minute before his face clears. In his eyes shine an understanding centuries in the making.
"It is in my character to love this way."
Spike smiled heavenward as he holds his beloved tightly in his arms. Ty joins them on the couch to complete the happy family. Everything past, present, and future has finally come together. It may have taken him over one hundred years, but he finally got what his father was trying to tell him. He finally stopped running. And both of them have finally found what was missing.
})i({
"Hey Cordy!"
Spike covers his ears and feigns deafness at Willow's shriek.
"Wow, Willow, tone down the screams please."
"Oops. Sorry, Cordelia. I'm a little over the top recently."
Spike snickers. Willow throws her banana peel at him which he effortlessly catches.
"S'ok, Wills. But at least you're back to normal food, right?"
"Yup. Spike has gone back to the normal cooking."
"You got Spike to cook for you?"
"Yup, it's just one of the little ways he says he loves me."
She winks at her vampire as he walks out of the room with a kiss to the top of her head.
"Aww. don't make me puke."
"Shut up, Cordy. You're just jealous."
"Maybe. a little bit. Last boyfriend I had got me pregnant with his master's demon spawn. And let me tell you I don't think that one day pregnancy was as much fun as yours has been."
Willow snorts.
"I'm starting to wonder how women can have multiple single births. This is starting to kill me!"
"Oh you know you love all the attention."
"Maybe. So anyway, what's up?"
"Oh yeah! The actual reason I called. I need to learn to stay on topic."
"Cordelia Chase, you never really were."
"Just stop right there."
The red head giggles.
"The real reason I called other than to be insulted was to see if Angel and I could come down in two weekends?"
"Of course!"
Willow starts to bounce in her chair.
"Will Spike care?"
"Oh, I'll take care of the cantankerous old fogy. Don't worry."
"Great! Oh, damn, I have another call. I'll call you back when we have more details!"
Cordelia looks at her boss as she hangs up.
"We're all set. She has no idea!"
"Not yet, but she doesn't live with the most reliable of people."
Angel steeples his hands under his chin.
"Say it, Angel. They're just not living together anymore. They're dating. DA-TING. Come on say it."
"Stop, Cordelia. I gave my blessing months ago. It's still just a shock how much things have changed."
"The world does that sometimes. You walk out of your dark and dank office after a good brood, and you find that the world has revolved one more time and a different sun is shining."
"Ha. Ha."
Angel does however, smile at his employee.
"Call Buffy and tell her we're all set."
"Right-O, boss. I just can't wait to see the two of them together. They'll be so cute!"
Cordelia prances off to her phone while Angel pretends to throw up behind her.
Back in Sunndydale, Willow hangs up the phone then walks into the living room to watch TV. She walks in on Spike hanging up his cell phone. Her feet stop suddenly, rooting her in place.
"When did you get a cell?"
He rushes up to help her into a seat, but she doesn't move.
"Come on, sit down, Little Owl."
She lets him guide her into a sofa where he jumps in behind her to start a back rub. Although the massage is much needed, his actions are just a little too zealous.
"Spike, when did you get a cell?"
"Just the other day, Pet. Wanted you to be able to reach me at anytime, anywhere. You know, when the babies come."
Willow doesn't remove the suspicious look from her face.
"Then who were you calling just now?"
Spike doesn't miss a beat or even stop to think.
"Buffy. Needed to know if we were patrolling tonight or if there was research I needed to take you over for."
Willow, however placated, is not fully satisfied. She leans back all the same into the comfort of Spike's strong, talented hands.
"Is there?"
"We need to be at Giles' after dark."
"Ok. Wash my hair when we get back?"
Spike stops his ministrations to look Willow in the eye. He raises one scarred eyebrow.
"Pet?"
"No, no. I can't stand in the shower very long anymore, so I was wondering if you could do my hair at the sink. No full-monty shower! I'm not ready yet."
Willow finishes in a quiet voice unsure as to how Spike is taking the slow progression of the physical part of their two week relationship.
"That's fine, Little Owl. I'll wash your hair even without the full-Willow- monty."
He kisses her lightly on the ear.
"Thanks, Spikey."
He understands the real meaning of her thanks.
"Only for you, Luv."
The heavily pregnant girl settles back into her boyfriend's magick hands. The suspicion again pushed to the back of her mind while she basks in the glow of new love.
})i({
Spike reaches up to harshly rub the back of his neck. His eyes nor his posture were built for the marathon research sessions necessary for a vampire dating a member of Sunnydale's demon fighting team. Willow, herself tense and tired, looks up to the fidgeting Spike sitting next to her. Immediately, she takes over the task of soothing his twisted muscles. Willow knocks his hand aside and gently starts to smooth out the skin there. The blond closes his eyes in bliss and commences purring under his breath. Buffy's slayer hearing picks up the sound and once she finds the source smiles brightly. With a swift kick she alerts Anya who also starts 'aww'ing at the site. The new couple is oblivious to all but themselves. Giles walks in to see not a single person actually reading a book and makes a swift decision.
"I think it's time we all head home."
Five eyes turn to him.
"G-man, it's pre-midnight. You've got to be playing some weird and not so funny joke on us."
"No, Xander. It's late. We're all tired. I'm sure Willow needs some rest, and the lot of you can just head out too."
Xander jumps up and grabs Anya's hand.
"We better get going before the head guy changes his mind. Thanks, Wills."
He leans down to give her a peck on the cheek.
"Just knew you're being pregnant would be good for all of us."
Willow giggles and pushes him back.
"Get out, Xander."
He takes the hint and pulls Anya out the door with him.
"Guess that means patrol. Wills, I'll be by in the morning to take you to class."
Buffy leans over and gives her best friend a squeeze.
"Alright, Buff. Please be careful."
"I always am."
And with a last flourish, Buffy is out the door stake in hand.
"Come on, Little Owl, that's our cue."
With the utmost care, Spike stands then reaches down placing a hand behind Willow's back and grabbing one of her hands pulls her out of the couch. She gives him a tender smile of thanks. Giles gazes on barely containing his own smile. Ty gets up from his master's feet and follows her to the door.
"Get home safely. We'll see you tomorrow."
Willow begins to walk out the door while Spike hangs back. It takes until she is out into the courtyard and her dog start whining before she realizes her bodyguard is not with her. She glances back to see Spike conspiratorially exchanging quick words with Giles. Before she can storm in and demand and answer, Spike joins her outside and grabs her hand.
"Ready for that full-montyless shower, Pet?"
Wanting to keep the sweet moment, Willow files the conversation in her list of weird occurrences from the past few weeks.
"Yeah, Spike. Let's go home."
Willow, caught deep in the swirling mists of her ever working brain, keeps silent the entire way home. She keeps going over all the strange things happening lately: "wrong" phone numbers, new cell phones, hushed conversations. She can't make heads or tails of it. What is going on?
"We're home, Luv. Why don't you go slip into your pjs, and I'll get the shampoo."
Her red head shoots up staring at the comforting space of their living room. She didn't realize they had walked in the front door and up the stairs.
"Alright. I'll be back in a minute."
Ten minutes later finds the witch in a chair propped over the kitchen sink; her vampire with his hands deep in her hair, calloused fingers massaging the shampoo deep into her scalp with the dog's head in her lap. She is the poster girl for relaxing spa treatment.
"May I say that I adore your hands, Spikey."
"Of course."
"They're rough and strong."
"Pet, I think we've had this conversation before."
Willow giggles.
"Maybe, but now I'm at greater liberty to gush."
Spike shakes his head and keeps working the shampoo through Willow's dirty locks. Once finished he rinses then begins with the conditioner. Willows eyes fall close with a sigh.
"Tired, Luv?"
"Mmhmm."
The capacity to form a coherent thought leaves Willow swiftly. Spike finishes with the conditioner then rinses again. When his hands move to sit Willow up, he finds her sound asleep in the chair. With an amused smile, Spike swoops down and pulls her into his arms. He takes her into her room and lays her on her bed. Ty appears in the doorway looking for some loving of his own and possibly to chaperone. As gently as possible he towel dries her hair then braids it.
"I love you."
Willow rolls over closer to him.
"Love you, too."
Spike bends down to kiss her before he can stand to leave however, a hand catches him.
"Stay."
"Sure, Pet."
Quickly, he runs to his room, changes, and returns to snuggle with his witch. After Spike pushes the dog aside and gets under the covers, Willow creeps over and entangles herself with him.
"Thanks for the hair wash."
"Only for you, Little Owl."
Willow smiles and burrows deeper into him. Savoring the trust gifted him by his red head, Spike lets sleep carry him swiftly away.
})i({
A parenting book in one hand, Willow absently strokes Spike's hair where he lays with Ty listening intently to her womb. She glimpses down at her vampire content in the tender domestic moment. Suddenly though, the hair she strokes is light brown, not white blond and curly, not strait. His shirt is white and home-sewn, not prefabricated black. The dog is gone from the bed. A voice she recognizes as belonging to an old one floats to her. What could have been.what you have been waiting for. Another message.
The entire room changes then, and she is in a four poster bed in some long forgotten Victorian room. A gold ring sits on her ring finger, left hand- the hand running through hair. The man with curly brown hair listens attentively to her bare stomach and strokes it with a left hand equally adorned in gold. Her husband. His children. Their home. It all comes together. She sees a glimpse of a past that should have been hers, that could have been hers despite a few mistakes on William's part. A past she can now have. The little red head can finally stop waiting.
With one final look, Willow comes back to herself. The book tumbles from her hands. Spike looks up.
"What's wrong, Little Owl?"
Willow smiles and lays her hand against his cheek.
"I was made for you. I've been waiting for you for much longer that this lifetime."
Spike looks puzzled. Ty's own expression echoes Spike's concern.
"Luv, you alright?"
"Just realized something. I'm perfect now, Spikey."
His face clearly tells her he doesn't believe her. Willow tries to explain.
"You and me have been waiting for each other for a long time. You just took a little while to mature. You kept me waiting."
"Wait a second here, Pet. You make me sound retarded."
Her hand comes to lie over his heart.
"When it comes to this, you can be. Promise not to lock me up if I tell you something."
While sitting up and pulling Willow against him, Spike nods.
"Absolutely, Little Owl."
"I've been visited by the Old Ones, guides from the PTB. They removed your chip and gave it to me when you told me the big news. Just now, well, they explained we have a history longer than these few years."
"Whoa."
"That's what I thought, but they also insinuated all of this was supposed to happen before. We were meant for each other before you were turned, but things got a little mixed up."
"Cecily."
"And Dru. So we're kinda on try number two."
Spike draws her closer, unwilling to believe he could have missed her in a previous existence.
"William was a bloody fool."
"Just see that you don't repeat it, Mister."
Willow winks at him.
"Never, Little Owl."
He leans in to kiss her. Willow smiles with his last whispered words.
"It's right this time."
})i({
Spike closes Giles' door after Ty then grabs the hand of the pregnant woman next to him. He stops though when he spies her nails.
"Hmm, Luv. I think it's time to fill these in."
"You can do that when we get home. I just haven't had the time with finals coming up for you to do it."
Spike brings her hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it.
"You can take a nap while I do it."
"Alright."
To reaffirm his assumption, Willow leans against him as they walk. The dog, trailing behind under the pretence of sniffing a snail, watches under hooded eyes with the devious purpose of chaperoning his master.
"Spikey?"
"Yeah, Pet?"
"Would your family have liked me?"
"Angel likes you fine. And I think Dru does too. Don't know about Darla- hard to say who that bitch would have liked."
Willow giggles and cuddles deeper into Spike's side prompting him to drop her hand and drape his arm around her.
"Yeah, Little Owl, Mum would have loved you. My little sisters, too."
"Good."
He gives her a slight nudge.
"What about your dad? When do I get to meet him?"
"Oh, I don't know. I have a lunch date with him in a few days. You can come."
"Unless you want to introduce me as Mr. Big Pile of Dust then I'll have to decline."
"Oh, hmm. Well then, I'll ask him to dinner. You can cook for us."
"Bloody Hell!"
Willow sneaks an impish look up at her vampire and adds a sharp jab to his side. He shakes his head and leans in for a quick peck on the lips. A few feet back, Ty is amused.
"Sure, Pet. I'll feed you and your dad. Just call him and set it up."
"Goody. He's been asking me who I live with, but I keep skirting around the questions."
"Probably more like stammering and blushing until he just drops the subject."
Another sharp jab gets placed in his side.
"Careful, Little Owl. Don't want to beat up your source of food."
"Whatever. Will you take me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow?"
He nods. They continue on in familiar, comfortable silence. After spending sometime wondering through her thoughts, the file containing all of her suspicions comes foreword. An idea meant to draw out the truth pops into her head.
"Why are Angel and Cordy really coming?"
To his credit, Spike doesn't falter.
"To see you, annoy me, visit their friends."
"There's nothing else."
"No."
Willow falls silent. Something is definitely going on through, she is sure of it. Spike's voice lacks its usual venom when speaking about his sire. She keeps silent however just letting the wheels turn in her head. They arrive home without incident, and while Spike does her nails, Willow comes up with schemes to ferret out what everyone is doing behind her back.
})i({
Willow sets down her bowl of cereal on the table. In front of her she finds five brightly colored envelopes. Hesitant the redhead looks around to the empty apartment. Ty and her vampire are still asleep. The door is locked and she cannot see any visible forced entry.
"Sunday morning at ten and you're sitting at a table with five cards and no reasonable explanation for them while living atop a hell mouth. What do you do?"
Her hand answers her mouth and mind and reaches out to grab the envelopes. On the cover are various versions of her name, from Wills to Little Owl. Upon opening the first one she finds a Mother's Day card. With speed unbecoming an eight month pregnant woman, she runs to the calendar. Sure enough, it is Mother's Day. Willow goes back to the table. After opening each of the cards, she has a complete collection from Spike, Xander and Anya, Buffy and Riley, Giles, and even her father.
"Surprised, Pet?"
She looks over at Spike in the doorway. Willow nods.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"I smelled your tears. Your lazy dog however was able to ignore you and keep sleeping."
He comes over and kneels before her. One perfect, sexy hand comes up to wipe away the wetness on her face.
"You people really shouldn't do this to a volatile pregnant woman."
"Sorry we'll remember to consider that next time. No more cards. Just ignorance for you next time."
Willow smiles.
"It's so nice of everyone to send me cards."
Spike takes her hands.
"Why do you find it so hard to believe that people care deeply about you?"
The witch shrugs.
"Never found much special about myself. I'm just me, plain old Willow."
"No, Little Owl, you are not special. You are so much more than extraordinary. And if we have to remind you everyday, we will until you believe it."
Tears start afresh in her eyes.
"And I'll bring all the tissues you need."
Willow lets out a huge laugh. Spike pulls her into his arms. Ty, finally awake, comes up and starts to snuggle his head into her lap. She looks up and begins to pet him.
"Aren't we the happy family?"
"Yes, Little Owl, we are."
})i({
Willow wakes up from her after class nap and realizes several things.
She is bathed in fading sunlight.
"Spike must be in his room."
It's Friday.
"Angel and Cordy will be here soon."
She is talking to herself.
"Ty. I really need to watch that."
But her dog does not respond. Not for lack of proper vocal cords or know- how, but because after glancing around Willow cannot find her canine friend.
"I guess Spike has you. Stupid Vampire! Stealing my dog!"
She walks to his room to peak in. However it being daylight and the warehouse having limited sewer access, Spike is not in his room, nor is he in her room when she looks or the bathroom. Willow, getting worried, goes down to the garage and storage rooms. She finds his car but no Spike. In fact, back in the kitchen, she comes to the conclusion that he is not in the building. Now sweaty and tired, she falls into a chair.
"Where *are* you?"
It feels better to state it out loud rather than let her mind run rampant with horrifying possibilities. Before her mouth or her mind can take her imagination far she hears reality downstairs slamming through the front door. Furious pounding feet follow the slammed door. A blond head pops up, but it is not the vampire she was furiously looking for. Buffy comes over immediately and grabs Willow's hands.
"Come on, Wills, we gotta go. There's been. Spike."
Despite her girth, Willow is up and rushing down the stairs with Buffy in seconds praying everything is alright.
})i({
Xander opens the door in a festive blue party hat to Cordelia and Angel on Giles' front step.
"Deadboy, Cordy! Welcome to part-AY central! Aka G-man's house!"
Angel catches the blatant eye roll Giles makes as he walks by behind Xander with a wrapped package. He and Cordy walk in and add their own to the overflowing mound of gifts in the living room. Spike stands there making last minute tweaks to the arrangement. Ty sniffs the two new arrivals to determine their status as friend or foe. Once satisfied of their good intentions towards his master, he returns to the door to wait for her.
"Whoa, Junior, if you don't stop looking at the presents, they might get up and walk away."
Spike gives Xander the finger. The brunette just shrugs and settles by Anya to convince her and Cordelia to wear a party hat. But both girls will have none of it.
"Come on, Ladies, it's for Will."
"Xander Harris, I don't care who it's for. I am not wearing a party hat. It took me two hours to do my hair as it is."
"Three, Cordelia, you were three hours late to leave."
Cordelia shakes her head in a knowing manner at Angel.
"The first hour was spent trying to finish packing. I only spent two on my hair."
Angel holds up a hand to his mouth.
"One hour packing? Call Guinness! We may have a new record."
Cordelia grabs the hat from Xander, plops it on her head, and starts to sulk. Triumphant, Xander turns to his girlfriend.
"Fine, I have no need to rehash my packing and/or hair preparation time. I'll wear the damn party hat."
With the grace of a receiver, the brunette is up and doing a victory dance in seconds. Everyone, in unison, shakes their head. Before he can take any farther however, Spike and Angel perk up at the sounds of a car pulling in.
"She's here. Everyone ready!"
Each person ducks into their preordained hiding spot as Buffy brings Willow to the apartment. Spike can hear Willow's frantic badgering for information even from inside. Her chattering however halts when she steps inside and everyone jumps up. Ty jumps from the kitchen and starts barking.
"Surprise!"
Willow fails to be able to form a coherent word.
"Wha? Huh? Hmm?"
Spike walks over to her and takes her from Buffy while her dog beings barking and jumping for her attention.
"Surprise, Pet. A baby shower for you."
In site of what Spike might expect, Willow smacks him on the shoulder.
"Buffy said you were in *trouble*. Not throwing a party. I was sooo worried. I should just walk out for that."
Despite his better judgment, Spike can't help but smile.
"Sorry, Little Owl. We couldn't think of any better way to get you here."
"Umph!"
Willow hits him again then looks to the other faces in the room.
"Shame on you all! One of these days you're gonna give the pregnant lady a heart attack! Then we'll see how your consciences fare!"
No one though, looks even mildly sheepish. Willow finally seeing Cordelia and Angel however forgets her ire and forgives them all.
"Cordy! Angel!"
Both are engulfed in bear size hugs from the petit mother-to-be.
"So this is the real reason you came."
"Sorry we had to hide it from you, Wills."
"We came down especially for you however you spell it, Willow."
"Right, right. We're all real contrite and real happy. Why don't get on with the festivities."
Willow smiles over at her vampire then finally leans down to give Ty some love. A little put out, he doesn't respond with much fervor.
"Fine then, show me my presents."
Xander, Anya, and Giles step aside to show her the mound of presents waiting for her.
"Whoa."
Buffy comes up and hugs her from behind.
"But first you have to eat some of the food I made."
"Not if you don't want me to deliver two corpses."
Buffy pokes Willow in her bulging stomach.
"Come on Wills. I know you're hungry so let's have dinner before you jump in the swimming pool of presents Spike has amassed over there."
"But I wanna open presents!"
Ty adds a few barks to aid his indignant master.
"Come on! You know, it's tradition. At every party you have ever been to, the guest of honor has to eat and schmooze first before any presents can be opened."
Willow looks over to see everyone already sitting down with an empty chair between Spike and Angel at Giles' dinning room table. With a greatly exaggerated sigh, she allows Buffy to move her over to her seat where Spike pulls back the chair for her to sit down.
"I don't see why we're starting to depend upon tradition around here though."
Xander leans conspiratorially across the table.
"Just so we can keep your panties in a twist that much longer."
Willow throws a grape at him.
})i({
Later, when mounds of wrapping paper now accompany the mounds of presents, with Willow sitting nestled between Spike's legs while he soothingly rubs her stomach and Ty playing with a baby rattle, Angel sits back to watch. Adequate time to watch his childe and watch his friend. Amongst all the hullabaloo-Xander animating various stuffed animals to make them act out Buffy's latest slaying foray, Anya and Cordelia laughing at him, Buffy trying out Willow's brand new rocker-Spike and Willow sit calmly, quietly, attention only on each other. And for all this trust in Willow, even after all that he has seen between them, Angel can't let the protective side of him go. He doesn't want to trust that Spike could have changed; could have been a more mature vampire than himself. Angel needed a soul to change. Spike only needed one sprite of a girl. It compounds Angel's guilt and sense of evil. But as he watches Willow reach back to stroke white blonde hair, Angel finds it increasingly difficult to find the evil within the vampire. Not even Drusilla had been permitted to touch Spike's hair. The look on each of their faces, the tenderness in each touch, and the sheer ease with which they interact makes Angel's heart ache for something similar in his own life.
"It's hard to hate him anymore isn't it?"
Giles hands Angel a drink. The souled vampire nods.
"I gave my consent because I trusted Willow. I never thought I'd see the day when I would trust Spike."
"I think before she gives birth you should let her know that. Whatever good intentions you two declared upon your first visit, the lack of follow-up has not gone unnoticed. Your disapproval still weighs heavily upon her. "
Angel winces.
"What about the rest of you?"
"We gave in to the truth a long time ago."
Again he nods his head.
"I will talk to her. And him. It's time I start keeping my own promises."
The watcher smiles as Angel goes over to sit down near the couple to start a conversation. Giles continues his own silent watch over them all.
})i({
Spike looks up form the notebook on the table in front of him when Willow walks in. Willow goes up and stands over him. One hand finds his shoulder while the other sneaks into his hair to comb through it.
"What are you up to?"
"Just writing, Pet."
The witch smiles. Deciding to give her feet a rest, she sits down. The hand in his hair moves to his neck to rub it while the other braces herself on the table.
"Will you read it to me?"
"No."
She takes the pen out of his hand to clasp it in her own.
"I like your poetry, Spike."
He smiles shyly.
"I like you, Spikey."
He smiles.
"Alright, when I'm finished."
"Goody!"
She claps her hands.
"One day you're going to be the death of me. I can't deny you a thing."
"I know. I've worked hard to get you under the control of my Willowy- charms."
"You mean your spells, Witch."
She sticks her tongue out at him.
"Not that I mind all the time."
Her vampire waggles his eyebrows. He then gives her a quick kiss on her belly and turns his head back to his work, keeping one hand on her swollen stomach.
"The little buggers are coming soon, right?"
"Should be any day. My doctor doesn't expect me to carry to full term. And now that I have everything any mother would need for ten children they can come."
Without looking up, Spike smirks.
"Better everyone else spending money on you versus me."
"Whatever Spike, most of that stuff was from you anyway."
He shrugs his shoulders.
"Why don't you go and keep nesting then and let me finish here."
She takes his subtle hint and goes back to the nursery to keep putting away the mounds of toys, sleepers, matching outfits, and adorable little socks.
})i({
"No, Buffy, not yet. Don't you think I would have called you if there had been any change?"
"Of course Wills, I just wanted to check in since your warden has you on bed arrest."
Willow looks up from the hem of the blanket she was fiddling with to the "warden" with blonde hair trying to pick out a movie for her to watch. Ty sits next to him trying to add his own input.
"Buffy, we will call you. Right now though I just wanna watch a movie not be on the phone with my very annoying best friend."
"Willooooow.I can't stand this suspense. Can't you just pop 'em out now?"
"Surely, I'll just tell my body to go into labor and then poof! Two brand new twins just at your leisure."
"Excellent. So I should be meeting you at the hospital now then?"
"Good bye, Buffy. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye, Wills. Be good and be comfortable."
"Right."
Two phones click off. Spike walks over with the TV/VCR remote in hand.
"Buffy's getting impatient."
"What's new?"
Willow smacks her vampire.
"Come on, Little Owl, delicate skin. Remember?"
Willow just smacks him again. Ty, for affect, adds his own playful swipe.
"Alright, Luv, enough of the physical abuse from you and your dog. Let's just watch the movie."
"You just want a truce because you know that I could take you any day."
"Yup, that's exactly it. You and the mutt."
He presses 'play' and pulls the red head to him. Willow gives up the banter and settles down as comfortably as possible with her men, sending her own impatient pleas to the goddess for a delivery soon.
})i({
Spike looks to his left at the dozing red head on the bed.
"Keep playing, Spike. It's soothing."
He brushes a lock of fire hair from her sweaty face.
"You sure we shouldn't go to the hospital, Little Owl?"
"I'm sure. It's just something I ate that the boys don't like."
Spike frowns but nevertheless returns to his guitar. After a few more songs he looks back to her when her breathing changes. Thinking she has finally fallen asleep, he drops his guitar when he sees her struggling for breath and a pool of bloody liquid staining the sheets between her legs.
"Spike?"
Pulling on every ounce of will, Spike keeps his voice steady and calm.
"S'alright, Little Owl. We'll just get you to the hospital, and it will all be alright."
Somehow though, as he reassured his witch, Spike couldn't bring himself to believe his own words.
})i({
Cordelia's hand comes down hard against Angel's cheek. The vampire jumps up instantly ready for a fight.
"Finally. God, you would think that you're body completely shuts down in sleep. I've been yelling at you for at least a minute now."
"So you thought that smacking your boss would be the next logical course of action?"
"Angel we have to go."
The quiet, barely disguised desperation in Cordelia's voice brought him up short.
"What's wrong?"
"Willow."
Uncharacteristically thanking his vampric nature for its speed, Angel vaults out of bed and made ready to depart. As he and Cordelia jumps into his car he sends a silent prayer up to whomever would listen that Willow's condition is not as bad as Cordelia's face warns him it is.
})i({
Spike unconsciously lights his new cigarette off of the last one. The nurse at the station gives him a scathing look but refuses to put her life in jeopardy again to tell him off for smoking in a hospital. She instead contents herself with shooting stakes at the vampire's head who is currently doing his damnedest to wear a hole in the cheap, sterile, white linoleum flooring. Said vampire however, couldn't give a damn about what the nurse thinks of him. Running through his head is the redhead currently in surgery.
"Bloody arses. Won't let me in with my Little Owl."
He barely keeps shackles on the anger and frustration and worry boiling his borrowed blood. He looks around the empty waiting room willing her friends to show up so he had something to distract himself with. Xander is working. Buffy is patrolling. Giles and Anya had been unreachable. Spike even called his sire and his bint to come up, but they wouldn't be there for hours yet. An increasingly nagging and terrifying voice in the back of his head keeps whispering that none of them would be there in time. He wouldn't admit it yet, but as the minutes ticked by more and more of him starts to realize that Willow is dying, and he is going to be the only one by her side. She deserves to have all who love her by her side to speed her painlessly on her way.
"But all she fucking gets is pain and blood and labor and a soulless demon."
More time crawls by; Spike continues to chain smoke; the nurse continues to glare; and still none of the messages he left on half a dozen phones are answered. His body becomes more and more anxious as he starts to feel Willow's spirit fade. The presence he has felt so strongly for months now does not shine quite so bright. The irrational part of his brain-the part denying that she is dying-wonders fleetingly how Ty is doing at home.
Eventually Willow's severe looking doctor makes her way into the waiting room and addresses Spike.
"I'm not going to lie to you."
"Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it."
"The boys are fine. Despite the difficult birth they are healthy and should be fine to go home in a few days."
Spike releases a tightly held breath. Hope starts to soar in his heart despite the doctor's first ominous greeting. If the boys are fine, then their mother should be too. They, he and Willow, could deal with any medical difficulty together.
"Willow however, will not make it through the night."
All of Spike's muscles stopped working simultaneously. He couldn't seem to keep himself upright and collapses into the chairs.
"But you said the boys are alright."
"Yes, they are. The labor was difficult and while they were born safely afterwards a lot of complications arose. We rushed her into surgery but have only bought her enough time to say goodbye. I'm very sorry. It may be time to notify the rest of her family and friends."
Mutely, Spike nods. With a great effort of will he forces himself to speak after a few minutes.
"I have. They'll be here as soon as possible. Can I see her?"
"She is waiting. She's on a lot of medication to keep her comfortable."
Spike again nods and follows the doctor to Willow's room. When he enters, he barely chokes back a gag at the pale and clammy face that greets him. He doesn't want to believe she is dying, but as he stares at her face-the mirror of death herself-he can no longer disillusion himself. The part of him that still holds onto some semblance of hope, the irrational part, however, notices that her nails need refilling. That part of his being makes a mental note to bring his supplies so he can do that for her while she recovers.
"Willow."
The strangled sob startles her. It's the first time he has ever spoken her name. The significance is not lost on her, and she holds out her hand to him. Quickly, unquestioningly, he takes it and settles himself in a chair beside her bed.
"You gotta get quick soon, Little Owl."
"Spike."
"I'm going to make you so happy. We're going to be so happy now that our family is complete. I promise."
Willow reaches out to her vampire.
"I just can't do it alone. Please, Pet, don't leave me alone. You've got to get better."
Overcome and unable to stand up against the deluge, Spike breaks down in tears. With a gentle acceptance one would expect from her, Willow's eyes remain dry. She picks up his chin with one hand and holds one of his hands close to her breast with her other.
"Spikey listen to me. I don't have much time. I know that. But if it means my little boys will live then it's ok. Spike, you were right. It's all going to be alright."
"I don't want your little boys. I need you, Little Owl."
"Shh, Spike. We can't change this. You can't change love. I love my boys so I gave them my life. I love you so I give you my boys. I give you everything left of me in this existence."
Spike moans in despair.
"Little Owl, don't give me the boys. Don't let a fucking soulless demon take care of your gift."
She grabs his other hand and brings it to join the other one. Squeezing hard, Willow manages to comfort him.
"A soul does not make you human-good or bad. It is the choices you make. And Spike, you have chosen to have a beautiful soul. Teach that to my sons. Teach them to call you dad. I could not think of anyone I would want more to show them all the love we have for each other. Tell them about me. I'll be watching you three from where ever I go."
She moves a hand to wipe at the tears running rampant down his cheeks.
"God, Willow, I won't let them take you from me. I need you here. Your boys need you here."
She just smiles. Her sunshine does not last long before her body is wracked with pain.
"Spike, tell the others I love them. You'll need help so tell them I said they should help you."
"I tried.I called.I tried to get them here. Angel and Cordy are on there way."
"Spikey."
She silences again as another shudder rips through her. It is not long now. She can feel her spirit stretching its wings; her soul preparing to meet her goddess.
"They won't make it. You'll have to tell them."
The tears start to ebb as he realizes she's slipping from him. Reaching up, Spike grabs the hand on his cheek and brings it to his lips.
"I never thought I could love like this."
"Well, I never thought you would grow up so we're even."
Despite the gravity of the moment, Spike laughs.
"How am I going to do without you?"
"You won't have to. You'll have two pieces of me with you always. And I'll never really be gone. Life is a circle. It turns and returns. You'll see me again one day."
Willow clenches her eyes tightly to stave off the oncoming tremor. It however, overtakes her anyway and her body is thrown into a shuddering fit. Her hands grow slack in Spike's, and he cuddles her closer trying to take the pain from her body. Precious seconds later, when the fit ends, her body goes slack in his arms. He looks to her face to say something comforting and with a horrifying gasp finds a lack of light in her eyes. The beautiful soul that once wrapped him up and warmed him is gone. The tears come back in a rush of cold. He crawls into bed trying to gather up the last traces of her. He didn't even get one last chance to tell her he loves her. And without her quite response in kind, he can't seem to confront the cold empty feeling welling up inside of him.
})i({
Hours later after the rest of the Scooby gang start arriving home to the frantic messages on their machines then desperately start calling each other, they all meet at the nurse's station at the hospital.
"Rosenburg?"
The nurse looks down at her clipboard at Xander's question.
"Down the hall. Maternity ward. Room 403."
The group of four rush down to room 403. It is not however, a room with a bed. It is a wide room with a dozen or so small beds filled with little babies. They find Spike in front of the glass staring at two in particular.
"Spike, where is Willow?"
"Why did they direct us here instead of her room?"
Buffy's and Xander's questions are met with stony silence. It is only after Giles's repeatedly calls his name that he snaps out of his stupor.
"They're all that are left of her now. She died about an hour ago."
No one speaks. No one questions. Staring at the evidence of her life before them, they can't bring themselves to believe that she is really gone.
})i({
Angel walks into Spike's apartment to find him lying on the sofa with two small infants. Ty is nowhere to be seen. Angel presumes he is still pining away under his master's bed.
"How are the boys?"
"Right as rain. Their doctor says they're gonna be right little bastards when they get moving around."
Angel nods.
"Spike, I.uh."
The brunette vampire stops to try to collect his thoughts.
"Spike, you can't shut yourself in here forever. Everyone else wants to help you with the boys. They want to spend time with the boys. And you need some time to yourself."
Spike grunts.
"They're my boys. It's my feelings. I'll deal with it."
"Willow wouldn't have wanted to you waste away."
Spike growls.
"Think about it. Cordelia and I are going home soon and we'd like to spend time with you and them before we leave. You've denied everyone from seeing the twins for almost a month. You can't bury yourself in them. You can't deny Willow's friends from seeing her children. You need each other to pull through this. We all need each other."
Spike's next growl catches in his throat at the sadness in Angel's eyes. He looks up from the tuft of read hair on his chest to his sire's eyes.
"I don't know any other way to go on."
"That's why you need your friends. That's why the twins need their aunts and uncles. Don't throw away all that Willow gave you just because you don't like this hand you've been dealt. She taught you to love it all-good and bad. She taught you to grow up."
Angel leans down to wipe the tears from his childe's face, gives a quick kiss to each baby, then leaves.
})i({
A sharp cry brings Spike awake. Before he can settle back into slumber a second joins the chorus. With a sigh, he grabs his guitar and makes his way to the nursery. Lying red-faced and crabby are two boys both with red hair and green eyes.
"Not sleeping well, I see."
Spike settles into the rocker in the middle of the room. Somehow anticipating what was to come, both boys quiet immediately.
"Just like you mother. Hmmm. She always said the guitar comforted you two."
Tears wet his eyes at the thought of Willow.
"Well, I guess I'll play you a few then."
Closing his eyes in concentration, choking back a sob, he picks out a song and starts to play.
I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
'Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You
I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
When finished, he quietly gets up and looks at the two nestled against each other fast asleep in the crib. After laying his guitar against the wall, his hands reach down to softly stroke each boy's head. A few tears well up in his eyes. But the cold that had overcome him, the cold that had come in and taken up residence in his soul when his sun died recedes a little. He doesn't feel so alone at the moment. In the faces of the two small babies in front of him, he can almost see their mother. He can almost feel her near. If he weren't so consumed in grief and unwilling to trust himself, he could almost sense her coming back to him. And despite the price, despite everything he has had to give up, Spike realizes that he likes being grown up. He likes facing things and dealing with them-being able to see the miraculous and beautiful experiences in front of him. He enjoys being firmly planted in one spot instead of running.
Tomorrow, Spike decides he'll call the entire gang and have them over.
Once the blinding white light recedes, Willow opens her eyes to find herself in a completely white room. Several shadows, wisps of people long forgotten, stand before her. Their presence marked only because in this white world their souls cast shadow.
"Welcome, Willow."
Bewildered, Willow mouth agape just stands before the beings. They smile at each other then turn to her.
"We, the old ones, have summoned you here."
"Why?"
"To give you something. Something you must have before you can ever truly love the vampire."
"But I do love him. I don't need anything more than that."
The shadows turn to each other again with a look that wonders at the follies of man.
"Child, for all your deep wisdom you have much to learn."
Another turns to her and speaks.
"You have the wisdom of the ancient ones, passed down through the years to the men on earth who can use it to do the most good. But to love your vampire, you need absolute trust."
"Something not easily given to your vampire."
"Something not easily given by your vampire."
Willow tries to follow the sounds around the rooms as the shadows speak to her.
"We give you this, the gift of ultimate trust."
"The ability for each of you to give up yourselves and rebuild in the wake of your love."
Willow feels a cold object materialize in her hand. She glances down to see a green computer chip. Realization flashes across her eyes.
"But why? Why would you remove his chip?"
Another of the shadow beings addresses the witch.
"Because it is time you learned his true nature. Good or evil?"
"It is time to take all of him and trust he accepts all of you. Now you will know the true measure of his love; the true measure of the change you have wrought on him."
"Sad times come ahead. Take comfort in each other. Go back to him and know."
Each shadow in turn starts to fade. Willow soft voice stops them.
"Why me? What do all of you care to do this for me?"
"You are favored Willow-tree. You were made for him and him for you long before this world was conceived. You have the capacity for great joy and to give it to all around you."
"You are the vessel of old knowledge. Take your blessings as they come to you. We, the old ones, will be there in the times ahead to guide you."
"To what purpose?"
"None of us know that. We help as we may."
Then they were gone and again everything went white.
})i({
Willow returns to Spike's arms with no time passed. A rough, calloused hand strokes her hair while the other still holds her close. In her own hand around his back, the chip is still clasped. Choosing to keep her experience to herself, she speaks from her heart. Willow gives him everything she has.
"I love you, Spike."
Spike looks deep in her eyes searching for the but he heard in her voice. She takes the hand from her hair and opens it placing the chip inside.
"Can you still love me?"
Tearing his eyes away from hers, his eyes look into his hand. It takes him a moment before he understands what he is holding. Instantaneously though, he knows what to do. Willow taken by surprise finds Spike's lips attacking her own. He starts to devour her like a hungry man after 126 years of starvation.
"I love you, Willow. Even without the chip. Even without a soul."
Tears again make their way down Willow's cheeks.
"Oh, you have a soul. I don't think it ever got run out. Maybe it was just hiding for awhile then came back when it was safe."
Spike kisses her again. His hands then come up to wipe away the tears racing down her face.
"Don't cry, Pet."
"Can't help it. I'm pregnant. You would make a declaration of love to a girl with a delicate hormone balance."
Spike shrugs. Attempting to gather her emotions, Willow wipes at her eyes and beams at her vampire.
"Alright. Just as long as you remember I'm not the kind of girl for torture."
Mirth bubbles up from Spike's nonexistent soul and out of his mouth in peals of laughter at the reference to his last few years with Dru.
"Sure, Little Owl, I'll remember. Wait!"
Quickly, Spike sets her down in a chair then runs off to his room. He returns seconds later with his guitar in hand.
"I may never have been as good with words and my mum thought I was, but I can still sing."
Willow leans against his shoulder arms tight around his waist while trying not to interfere with his playing. He then begins to sing the most wonderful song Willow has ever heard.
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I came here to talk
I hope you understand
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
Honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh [x4]
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
Willow kisses him upon completion of the song-a kiss sweet and full of understanding.
"Now I know your true character."
Spike looks puzzled for a minute before his face clears. In his eyes shine an understanding centuries in the making.
"It is in my character to love this way."
Spike smiled heavenward as he holds his beloved tightly in his arms. Ty joins them on the couch to complete the happy family. Everything past, present, and future has finally come together. It may have taken him over one hundred years, but he finally got what his father was trying to tell him. He finally stopped running. And both of them have finally found what was missing.
})i({
"Hey Cordy!"
Spike covers his ears and feigns deafness at Willow's shriek.
"Wow, Willow, tone down the screams please."
"Oops. Sorry, Cordelia. I'm a little over the top recently."
Spike snickers. Willow throws her banana peel at him which he effortlessly catches.
"S'ok, Wills. But at least you're back to normal food, right?"
"Yup. Spike has gone back to the normal cooking."
"You got Spike to cook for you?"
"Yup, it's just one of the little ways he says he loves me."
She winks at her vampire as he walks out of the room with a kiss to the top of her head.
"Aww. don't make me puke."
"Shut up, Cordy. You're just jealous."
"Maybe. a little bit. Last boyfriend I had got me pregnant with his master's demon spawn. And let me tell you I don't think that one day pregnancy was as much fun as yours has been."
Willow snorts.
"I'm starting to wonder how women can have multiple single births. This is starting to kill me!"
"Oh you know you love all the attention."
"Maybe. So anyway, what's up?"
"Oh yeah! The actual reason I called. I need to learn to stay on topic."
"Cordelia Chase, you never really were."
"Just stop right there."
The red head giggles.
"The real reason I called other than to be insulted was to see if Angel and I could come down in two weekends?"
"Of course!"
Willow starts to bounce in her chair.
"Will Spike care?"
"Oh, I'll take care of the cantankerous old fogy. Don't worry."
"Great! Oh, damn, I have another call. I'll call you back when we have more details!"
Cordelia looks at her boss as she hangs up.
"We're all set. She has no idea!"
"Not yet, but she doesn't live with the most reliable of people."
Angel steeples his hands under his chin.
"Say it, Angel. They're just not living together anymore. They're dating. DA-TING. Come on say it."
"Stop, Cordelia. I gave my blessing months ago. It's still just a shock how much things have changed."
"The world does that sometimes. You walk out of your dark and dank office after a good brood, and you find that the world has revolved one more time and a different sun is shining."
"Ha. Ha."
Angel does however, smile at his employee.
"Call Buffy and tell her we're all set."
"Right-O, boss. I just can't wait to see the two of them together. They'll be so cute!"
Cordelia prances off to her phone while Angel pretends to throw up behind her.
Back in Sunndydale, Willow hangs up the phone then walks into the living room to watch TV. She walks in on Spike hanging up his cell phone. Her feet stop suddenly, rooting her in place.
"When did you get a cell?"
He rushes up to help her into a seat, but she doesn't move.
"Come on, sit down, Little Owl."
She lets him guide her into a sofa where he jumps in behind her to start a back rub. Although the massage is much needed, his actions are just a little too zealous.
"Spike, when did you get a cell?"
"Just the other day, Pet. Wanted you to be able to reach me at anytime, anywhere. You know, when the babies come."
Willow doesn't remove the suspicious look from her face.
"Then who were you calling just now?"
Spike doesn't miss a beat or even stop to think.
"Buffy. Needed to know if we were patrolling tonight or if there was research I needed to take you over for."
Willow, however placated, is not fully satisfied. She leans back all the same into the comfort of Spike's strong, talented hands.
"Is there?"
"We need to be at Giles' after dark."
"Ok. Wash my hair when we get back?"
Spike stops his ministrations to look Willow in the eye. He raises one scarred eyebrow.
"Pet?"
"No, no. I can't stand in the shower very long anymore, so I was wondering if you could do my hair at the sink. No full-monty shower! I'm not ready yet."
Willow finishes in a quiet voice unsure as to how Spike is taking the slow progression of the physical part of their two week relationship.
"That's fine, Little Owl. I'll wash your hair even without the full-Willow- monty."
He kisses her lightly on the ear.
"Thanks, Spikey."
He understands the real meaning of her thanks.
"Only for you, Luv."
The heavily pregnant girl settles back into her boyfriend's magick hands. The suspicion again pushed to the back of her mind while she basks in the glow of new love.
})i({
Spike reaches up to harshly rub the back of his neck. His eyes nor his posture were built for the marathon research sessions necessary for a vampire dating a member of Sunnydale's demon fighting team. Willow, herself tense and tired, looks up to the fidgeting Spike sitting next to her. Immediately, she takes over the task of soothing his twisted muscles. Willow knocks his hand aside and gently starts to smooth out the skin there. The blond closes his eyes in bliss and commences purring under his breath. Buffy's slayer hearing picks up the sound and once she finds the source smiles brightly. With a swift kick she alerts Anya who also starts 'aww'ing at the site. The new couple is oblivious to all but themselves. Giles walks in to see not a single person actually reading a book and makes a swift decision.
"I think it's time we all head home."
Five eyes turn to him.
"G-man, it's pre-midnight. You've got to be playing some weird and not so funny joke on us."
"No, Xander. It's late. We're all tired. I'm sure Willow needs some rest, and the lot of you can just head out too."
Xander jumps up and grabs Anya's hand.
"We better get going before the head guy changes his mind. Thanks, Wills."
He leans down to give her a peck on the cheek.
"Just knew you're being pregnant would be good for all of us."
Willow giggles and pushes him back.
"Get out, Xander."
He takes the hint and pulls Anya out the door with him.
"Guess that means patrol. Wills, I'll be by in the morning to take you to class."
Buffy leans over and gives her best friend a squeeze.
"Alright, Buff. Please be careful."
"I always am."
And with a last flourish, Buffy is out the door stake in hand.
"Come on, Little Owl, that's our cue."
With the utmost care, Spike stands then reaches down placing a hand behind Willow's back and grabbing one of her hands pulls her out of the couch. She gives him a tender smile of thanks. Giles gazes on barely containing his own smile. Ty gets up from his master's feet and follows her to the door.
"Get home safely. We'll see you tomorrow."
Willow begins to walk out the door while Spike hangs back. It takes until she is out into the courtyard and her dog start whining before she realizes her bodyguard is not with her. She glances back to see Spike conspiratorially exchanging quick words with Giles. Before she can storm in and demand and answer, Spike joins her outside and grabs her hand.
"Ready for that full-montyless shower, Pet?"
Wanting to keep the sweet moment, Willow files the conversation in her list of weird occurrences from the past few weeks.
"Yeah, Spike. Let's go home."
Willow, caught deep in the swirling mists of her ever working brain, keeps silent the entire way home. She keeps going over all the strange things happening lately: "wrong" phone numbers, new cell phones, hushed conversations. She can't make heads or tails of it. What is going on?
"We're home, Luv. Why don't you go slip into your pjs, and I'll get the shampoo."
Her red head shoots up staring at the comforting space of their living room. She didn't realize they had walked in the front door and up the stairs.
"Alright. I'll be back in a minute."
Ten minutes later finds the witch in a chair propped over the kitchen sink; her vampire with his hands deep in her hair, calloused fingers massaging the shampoo deep into her scalp with the dog's head in her lap. She is the poster girl for relaxing spa treatment.
"May I say that I adore your hands, Spikey."
"Of course."
"They're rough and strong."
"Pet, I think we've had this conversation before."
Willow giggles.
"Maybe, but now I'm at greater liberty to gush."
Spike shakes his head and keeps working the shampoo through Willow's dirty locks. Once finished he rinses then begins with the conditioner. Willows eyes fall close with a sigh.
"Tired, Luv?"
"Mmhmm."
The capacity to form a coherent thought leaves Willow swiftly. Spike finishes with the conditioner then rinses again. When his hands move to sit Willow up, he finds her sound asleep in the chair. With an amused smile, Spike swoops down and pulls her into his arms. He takes her into her room and lays her on her bed. Ty appears in the doorway looking for some loving of his own and possibly to chaperone. As gently as possible he towel dries her hair then braids it.
"I love you."
Willow rolls over closer to him.
"Love you, too."
Spike bends down to kiss her before he can stand to leave however, a hand catches him.
"Stay."
"Sure, Pet."
Quickly, he runs to his room, changes, and returns to snuggle with his witch. After Spike pushes the dog aside and gets under the covers, Willow creeps over and entangles herself with him.
"Thanks for the hair wash."
"Only for you, Little Owl."
Willow smiles and burrows deeper into him. Savoring the trust gifted him by his red head, Spike lets sleep carry him swiftly away.
})i({
A parenting book in one hand, Willow absently strokes Spike's hair where he lays with Ty listening intently to her womb. She glimpses down at her vampire content in the tender domestic moment. Suddenly though, the hair she strokes is light brown, not white blond and curly, not strait. His shirt is white and home-sewn, not prefabricated black. The dog is gone from the bed. A voice she recognizes as belonging to an old one floats to her. What could have been.what you have been waiting for. Another message.
The entire room changes then, and she is in a four poster bed in some long forgotten Victorian room. A gold ring sits on her ring finger, left hand- the hand running through hair. The man with curly brown hair listens attentively to her bare stomach and strokes it with a left hand equally adorned in gold. Her husband. His children. Their home. It all comes together. She sees a glimpse of a past that should have been hers, that could have been hers despite a few mistakes on William's part. A past she can now have. The little red head can finally stop waiting.
With one final look, Willow comes back to herself. The book tumbles from her hands. Spike looks up.
"What's wrong, Little Owl?"
Willow smiles and lays her hand against his cheek.
"I was made for you. I've been waiting for you for much longer that this lifetime."
Spike looks puzzled. Ty's own expression echoes Spike's concern.
"Luv, you alright?"
"Just realized something. I'm perfect now, Spikey."
His face clearly tells her he doesn't believe her. Willow tries to explain.
"You and me have been waiting for each other for a long time. You just took a little while to mature. You kept me waiting."
"Wait a second here, Pet. You make me sound retarded."
Her hand comes to lie over his heart.
"When it comes to this, you can be. Promise not to lock me up if I tell you something."
While sitting up and pulling Willow against him, Spike nods.
"Absolutely, Little Owl."
"I've been visited by the Old Ones, guides from the PTB. They removed your chip and gave it to me when you told me the big news. Just now, well, they explained we have a history longer than these few years."
"Whoa."
"That's what I thought, but they also insinuated all of this was supposed to happen before. We were meant for each other before you were turned, but things got a little mixed up."
"Cecily."
"And Dru. So we're kinda on try number two."
Spike draws her closer, unwilling to believe he could have missed her in a previous existence.
"William was a bloody fool."
"Just see that you don't repeat it, Mister."
Willow winks at him.
"Never, Little Owl."
He leans in to kiss her. Willow smiles with his last whispered words.
"It's right this time."
})i({
Spike closes Giles' door after Ty then grabs the hand of the pregnant woman next to him. He stops though when he spies her nails.
"Hmm, Luv. I think it's time to fill these in."
"You can do that when we get home. I just haven't had the time with finals coming up for you to do it."
Spike brings her hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it.
"You can take a nap while I do it."
"Alright."
To reaffirm his assumption, Willow leans against him as they walk. The dog, trailing behind under the pretence of sniffing a snail, watches under hooded eyes with the devious purpose of chaperoning his master.
"Spikey?"
"Yeah, Pet?"
"Would your family have liked me?"
"Angel likes you fine. And I think Dru does too. Don't know about Darla- hard to say who that bitch would have liked."
Willow giggles and cuddles deeper into Spike's side prompting him to drop her hand and drape his arm around her.
"Yeah, Little Owl, Mum would have loved you. My little sisters, too."
"Good."
He gives her a slight nudge.
"What about your dad? When do I get to meet him?"
"Oh, I don't know. I have a lunch date with him in a few days. You can come."
"Unless you want to introduce me as Mr. Big Pile of Dust then I'll have to decline."
"Oh, hmm. Well then, I'll ask him to dinner. You can cook for us."
"Bloody Hell!"
Willow sneaks an impish look up at her vampire and adds a sharp jab to his side. He shakes his head and leans in for a quick peck on the lips. A few feet back, Ty is amused.
"Sure, Pet. I'll feed you and your dad. Just call him and set it up."
"Goody. He's been asking me who I live with, but I keep skirting around the questions."
"Probably more like stammering and blushing until he just drops the subject."
Another sharp jab gets placed in his side.
"Careful, Little Owl. Don't want to beat up your source of food."
"Whatever. Will you take me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow?"
He nods. They continue on in familiar, comfortable silence. After spending sometime wondering through her thoughts, the file containing all of her suspicions comes foreword. An idea meant to draw out the truth pops into her head.
"Why are Angel and Cordy really coming?"
To his credit, Spike doesn't falter.
"To see you, annoy me, visit their friends."
"There's nothing else."
"No."
Willow falls silent. Something is definitely going on through, she is sure of it. Spike's voice lacks its usual venom when speaking about his sire. She keeps silent however just letting the wheels turn in her head. They arrive home without incident, and while Spike does her nails, Willow comes up with schemes to ferret out what everyone is doing behind her back.
})i({
Willow sets down her bowl of cereal on the table. In front of her she finds five brightly colored envelopes. Hesitant the redhead looks around to the empty apartment. Ty and her vampire are still asleep. The door is locked and she cannot see any visible forced entry.
"Sunday morning at ten and you're sitting at a table with five cards and no reasonable explanation for them while living atop a hell mouth. What do you do?"
Her hand answers her mouth and mind and reaches out to grab the envelopes. On the cover are various versions of her name, from Wills to Little Owl. Upon opening the first one she finds a Mother's Day card. With speed unbecoming an eight month pregnant woman, she runs to the calendar. Sure enough, it is Mother's Day. Willow goes back to the table. After opening each of the cards, she has a complete collection from Spike, Xander and Anya, Buffy and Riley, Giles, and even her father.
"Surprised, Pet?"
She looks over at Spike in the doorway. Willow nods.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"I smelled your tears. Your lazy dog however was able to ignore you and keep sleeping."
He comes over and kneels before her. One perfect, sexy hand comes up to wipe away the wetness on her face.
"You people really shouldn't do this to a volatile pregnant woman."
"Sorry we'll remember to consider that next time. No more cards. Just ignorance for you next time."
Willow smiles.
"It's so nice of everyone to send me cards."
Spike takes her hands.
"Why do you find it so hard to believe that people care deeply about you?"
The witch shrugs.
"Never found much special about myself. I'm just me, plain old Willow."
"No, Little Owl, you are not special. You are so much more than extraordinary. And if we have to remind you everyday, we will until you believe it."
Tears start afresh in her eyes.
"And I'll bring all the tissues you need."
Willow lets out a huge laugh. Spike pulls her into his arms. Ty, finally awake, comes up and starts to snuggle his head into her lap. She looks up and begins to pet him.
"Aren't we the happy family?"
"Yes, Little Owl, we are."
})i({
Willow wakes up from her after class nap and realizes several things.
She is bathed in fading sunlight.
"Spike must be in his room."
It's Friday.
"Angel and Cordy will be here soon."
She is talking to herself.
"Ty. I really need to watch that."
But her dog does not respond. Not for lack of proper vocal cords or know- how, but because after glancing around Willow cannot find her canine friend.
"I guess Spike has you. Stupid Vampire! Stealing my dog!"
She walks to his room to peak in. However it being daylight and the warehouse having limited sewer access, Spike is not in his room, nor is he in her room when she looks or the bathroom. Willow, getting worried, goes down to the garage and storage rooms. She finds his car but no Spike. In fact, back in the kitchen, she comes to the conclusion that he is not in the building. Now sweaty and tired, she falls into a chair.
"Where *are* you?"
It feels better to state it out loud rather than let her mind run rampant with horrifying possibilities. Before her mouth or her mind can take her imagination far she hears reality downstairs slamming through the front door. Furious pounding feet follow the slammed door. A blond head pops up, but it is not the vampire she was furiously looking for. Buffy comes over immediately and grabs Willow's hands.
"Come on, Wills, we gotta go. There's been. Spike."
Despite her girth, Willow is up and rushing down the stairs with Buffy in seconds praying everything is alright.
})i({
Xander opens the door in a festive blue party hat to Cordelia and Angel on Giles' front step.
"Deadboy, Cordy! Welcome to part-AY central! Aka G-man's house!"
Angel catches the blatant eye roll Giles makes as he walks by behind Xander with a wrapped package. He and Cordy walk in and add their own to the overflowing mound of gifts in the living room. Spike stands there making last minute tweaks to the arrangement. Ty sniffs the two new arrivals to determine their status as friend or foe. Once satisfied of their good intentions towards his master, he returns to the door to wait for her.
"Whoa, Junior, if you don't stop looking at the presents, they might get up and walk away."
Spike gives Xander the finger. The brunette just shrugs and settles by Anya to convince her and Cordelia to wear a party hat. But both girls will have none of it.
"Come on, Ladies, it's for Will."
"Xander Harris, I don't care who it's for. I am not wearing a party hat. It took me two hours to do my hair as it is."
"Three, Cordelia, you were three hours late to leave."
Cordelia shakes her head in a knowing manner at Angel.
"The first hour was spent trying to finish packing. I only spent two on my hair."
Angel holds up a hand to his mouth.
"One hour packing? Call Guinness! We may have a new record."
Cordelia grabs the hat from Xander, plops it on her head, and starts to sulk. Triumphant, Xander turns to his girlfriend.
"Fine, I have no need to rehash my packing and/or hair preparation time. I'll wear the damn party hat."
With the grace of a receiver, the brunette is up and doing a victory dance in seconds. Everyone, in unison, shakes their head. Before he can take any farther however, Spike and Angel perk up at the sounds of a car pulling in.
"She's here. Everyone ready!"
Each person ducks into their preordained hiding spot as Buffy brings Willow to the apartment. Spike can hear Willow's frantic badgering for information even from inside. Her chattering however halts when she steps inside and everyone jumps up. Ty jumps from the kitchen and starts barking.
"Surprise!"
Willow fails to be able to form a coherent word.
"Wha? Huh? Hmm?"
Spike walks over to her and takes her from Buffy while her dog beings barking and jumping for her attention.
"Surprise, Pet. A baby shower for you."
In site of what Spike might expect, Willow smacks him on the shoulder.
"Buffy said you were in *trouble*. Not throwing a party. I was sooo worried. I should just walk out for that."
Despite his better judgment, Spike can't help but smile.
"Sorry, Little Owl. We couldn't think of any better way to get you here."
"Umph!"
Willow hits him again then looks to the other faces in the room.
"Shame on you all! One of these days you're gonna give the pregnant lady a heart attack! Then we'll see how your consciences fare!"
No one though, looks even mildly sheepish. Willow finally seeing Cordelia and Angel however forgets her ire and forgives them all.
"Cordy! Angel!"
Both are engulfed in bear size hugs from the petit mother-to-be.
"So this is the real reason you came."
"Sorry we had to hide it from you, Wills."
"We came down especially for you however you spell it, Willow."
"Right, right. We're all real contrite and real happy. Why don't get on with the festivities."
Willow smiles over at her vampire then finally leans down to give Ty some love. A little put out, he doesn't respond with much fervor.
"Fine then, show me my presents."
Xander, Anya, and Giles step aside to show her the mound of presents waiting for her.
"Whoa."
Buffy comes up and hugs her from behind.
"But first you have to eat some of the food I made."
"Not if you don't want me to deliver two corpses."
Buffy pokes Willow in her bulging stomach.
"Come on Wills. I know you're hungry so let's have dinner before you jump in the swimming pool of presents Spike has amassed over there."
"But I wanna open presents!"
Ty adds a few barks to aid his indignant master.
"Come on! You know, it's tradition. At every party you have ever been to, the guest of honor has to eat and schmooze first before any presents can be opened."
Willow looks over to see everyone already sitting down with an empty chair between Spike and Angel at Giles' dinning room table. With a greatly exaggerated sigh, she allows Buffy to move her over to her seat where Spike pulls back the chair for her to sit down.
"I don't see why we're starting to depend upon tradition around here though."
Xander leans conspiratorially across the table.
"Just so we can keep your panties in a twist that much longer."
Willow throws a grape at him.
})i({
Later, when mounds of wrapping paper now accompany the mounds of presents, with Willow sitting nestled between Spike's legs while he soothingly rubs her stomach and Ty playing with a baby rattle, Angel sits back to watch. Adequate time to watch his childe and watch his friend. Amongst all the hullabaloo-Xander animating various stuffed animals to make them act out Buffy's latest slaying foray, Anya and Cordelia laughing at him, Buffy trying out Willow's brand new rocker-Spike and Willow sit calmly, quietly, attention only on each other. And for all this trust in Willow, even after all that he has seen between them, Angel can't let the protective side of him go. He doesn't want to trust that Spike could have changed; could have been a more mature vampire than himself. Angel needed a soul to change. Spike only needed one sprite of a girl. It compounds Angel's guilt and sense of evil. But as he watches Willow reach back to stroke white blonde hair, Angel finds it increasingly difficult to find the evil within the vampire. Not even Drusilla had been permitted to touch Spike's hair. The look on each of their faces, the tenderness in each touch, and the sheer ease with which they interact makes Angel's heart ache for something similar in his own life.
"It's hard to hate him anymore isn't it?"
Giles hands Angel a drink. The souled vampire nods.
"I gave my consent because I trusted Willow. I never thought I'd see the day when I would trust Spike."
"I think before she gives birth you should let her know that. Whatever good intentions you two declared upon your first visit, the lack of follow-up has not gone unnoticed. Your disapproval still weighs heavily upon her. "
Angel winces.
"What about the rest of you?"
"We gave in to the truth a long time ago."
Again he nods his head.
"I will talk to her. And him. It's time I start keeping my own promises."
The watcher smiles as Angel goes over to sit down near the couple to start a conversation. Giles continues his own silent watch over them all.
})i({
Spike looks up form the notebook on the table in front of him when Willow walks in. Willow goes up and stands over him. One hand finds his shoulder while the other sneaks into his hair to comb through it.
"What are you up to?"
"Just writing, Pet."
The witch smiles. Deciding to give her feet a rest, she sits down. The hand in his hair moves to his neck to rub it while the other braces herself on the table.
"Will you read it to me?"
"No."
She takes the pen out of his hand to clasp it in her own.
"I like your poetry, Spike."
He smiles shyly.
"I like you, Spikey."
He smiles.
"Alright, when I'm finished."
"Goody!"
She claps her hands.
"One day you're going to be the death of me. I can't deny you a thing."
"I know. I've worked hard to get you under the control of my Willowy- charms."
"You mean your spells, Witch."
She sticks her tongue out at him.
"Not that I mind all the time."
Her vampire waggles his eyebrows. He then gives her a quick kiss on her belly and turns his head back to his work, keeping one hand on her swollen stomach.
"The little buggers are coming soon, right?"
"Should be any day. My doctor doesn't expect me to carry to full term. And now that I have everything any mother would need for ten children they can come."
Without looking up, Spike smirks.
"Better everyone else spending money on you versus me."
"Whatever Spike, most of that stuff was from you anyway."
He shrugs his shoulders.
"Why don't you go and keep nesting then and let me finish here."
She takes his subtle hint and goes back to the nursery to keep putting away the mounds of toys, sleepers, matching outfits, and adorable little socks.
})i({
"No, Buffy, not yet. Don't you think I would have called you if there had been any change?"
"Of course Wills, I just wanted to check in since your warden has you on bed arrest."
Willow looks up from the hem of the blanket she was fiddling with to the "warden" with blonde hair trying to pick out a movie for her to watch. Ty sits next to him trying to add his own input.
"Buffy, we will call you. Right now though I just wanna watch a movie not be on the phone with my very annoying best friend."
"Willooooow.I can't stand this suspense. Can't you just pop 'em out now?"
"Surely, I'll just tell my body to go into labor and then poof! Two brand new twins just at your leisure."
"Excellent. So I should be meeting you at the hospital now then?"
"Good bye, Buffy. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye, Wills. Be good and be comfortable."
"Right."
Two phones click off. Spike walks over with the TV/VCR remote in hand.
"Buffy's getting impatient."
"What's new?"
Willow smacks her vampire.
"Come on, Little Owl, delicate skin. Remember?"
Willow just smacks him again. Ty, for affect, adds his own playful swipe.
"Alright, Luv, enough of the physical abuse from you and your dog. Let's just watch the movie."
"You just want a truce because you know that I could take you any day."
"Yup, that's exactly it. You and the mutt."
He presses 'play' and pulls the red head to him. Willow gives up the banter and settles down as comfortably as possible with her men, sending her own impatient pleas to the goddess for a delivery soon.
})i({
Spike looks to his left at the dozing red head on the bed.
"Keep playing, Spike. It's soothing."
He brushes a lock of fire hair from her sweaty face.
"You sure we shouldn't go to the hospital, Little Owl?"
"I'm sure. It's just something I ate that the boys don't like."
Spike frowns but nevertheless returns to his guitar. After a few more songs he looks back to her when her breathing changes. Thinking she has finally fallen asleep, he drops his guitar when he sees her struggling for breath and a pool of bloody liquid staining the sheets between her legs.
"Spike?"
Pulling on every ounce of will, Spike keeps his voice steady and calm.
"S'alright, Little Owl. We'll just get you to the hospital, and it will all be alright."
Somehow though, as he reassured his witch, Spike couldn't bring himself to believe his own words.
})i({
Cordelia's hand comes down hard against Angel's cheek. The vampire jumps up instantly ready for a fight.
"Finally. God, you would think that you're body completely shuts down in sleep. I've been yelling at you for at least a minute now."
"So you thought that smacking your boss would be the next logical course of action?"
"Angel we have to go."
The quiet, barely disguised desperation in Cordelia's voice brought him up short.
"What's wrong?"
"Willow."
Uncharacteristically thanking his vampric nature for its speed, Angel vaults out of bed and made ready to depart. As he and Cordelia jumps into his car he sends a silent prayer up to whomever would listen that Willow's condition is not as bad as Cordelia's face warns him it is.
})i({
Spike unconsciously lights his new cigarette off of the last one. The nurse at the station gives him a scathing look but refuses to put her life in jeopardy again to tell him off for smoking in a hospital. She instead contents herself with shooting stakes at the vampire's head who is currently doing his damnedest to wear a hole in the cheap, sterile, white linoleum flooring. Said vampire however, couldn't give a damn about what the nurse thinks of him. Running through his head is the redhead currently in surgery.
"Bloody arses. Won't let me in with my Little Owl."
He barely keeps shackles on the anger and frustration and worry boiling his borrowed blood. He looks around the empty waiting room willing her friends to show up so he had something to distract himself with. Xander is working. Buffy is patrolling. Giles and Anya had been unreachable. Spike even called his sire and his bint to come up, but they wouldn't be there for hours yet. An increasingly nagging and terrifying voice in the back of his head keeps whispering that none of them would be there in time. He wouldn't admit it yet, but as the minutes ticked by more and more of him starts to realize that Willow is dying, and he is going to be the only one by her side. She deserves to have all who love her by her side to speed her painlessly on her way.
"But all she fucking gets is pain and blood and labor and a soulless demon."
More time crawls by; Spike continues to chain smoke; the nurse continues to glare; and still none of the messages he left on half a dozen phones are answered. His body becomes more and more anxious as he starts to feel Willow's spirit fade. The presence he has felt so strongly for months now does not shine quite so bright. The irrational part of his brain-the part denying that she is dying-wonders fleetingly how Ty is doing at home.
Eventually Willow's severe looking doctor makes her way into the waiting room and addresses Spike.
"I'm not going to lie to you."
"Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it."
"The boys are fine. Despite the difficult birth they are healthy and should be fine to go home in a few days."
Spike releases a tightly held breath. Hope starts to soar in his heart despite the doctor's first ominous greeting. If the boys are fine, then their mother should be too. They, he and Willow, could deal with any medical difficulty together.
"Willow however, will not make it through the night."
All of Spike's muscles stopped working simultaneously. He couldn't seem to keep himself upright and collapses into the chairs.
"But you said the boys are alright."
"Yes, they are. The labor was difficult and while they were born safely afterwards a lot of complications arose. We rushed her into surgery but have only bought her enough time to say goodbye. I'm very sorry. It may be time to notify the rest of her family and friends."
Mutely, Spike nods. With a great effort of will he forces himself to speak after a few minutes.
"I have. They'll be here as soon as possible. Can I see her?"
"She is waiting. She's on a lot of medication to keep her comfortable."
Spike again nods and follows the doctor to Willow's room. When he enters, he barely chokes back a gag at the pale and clammy face that greets him. He doesn't want to believe she is dying, but as he stares at her face-the mirror of death herself-he can no longer disillusion himself. The part of him that still holds onto some semblance of hope, the irrational part, however, notices that her nails need refilling. That part of his being makes a mental note to bring his supplies so he can do that for her while she recovers.
"Willow."
The strangled sob startles her. It's the first time he has ever spoken her name. The significance is not lost on her, and she holds out her hand to him. Quickly, unquestioningly, he takes it and settles himself in a chair beside her bed.
"You gotta get quick soon, Little Owl."
"Spike."
"I'm going to make you so happy. We're going to be so happy now that our family is complete. I promise."
Willow reaches out to her vampire.
"I just can't do it alone. Please, Pet, don't leave me alone. You've got to get better."
Overcome and unable to stand up against the deluge, Spike breaks down in tears. With a gentle acceptance one would expect from her, Willow's eyes remain dry. She picks up his chin with one hand and holds one of his hands close to her breast with her other.
"Spikey listen to me. I don't have much time. I know that. But if it means my little boys will live then it's ok. Spike, you were right. It's all going to be alright."
"I don't want your little boys. I need you, Little Owl."
"Shh, Spike. We can't change this. You can't change love. I love my boys so I gave them my life. I love you so I give you my boys. I give you everything left of me in this existence."
Spike moans in despair.
"Little Owl, don't give me the boys. Don't let a fucking soulless demon take care of your gift."
She grabs his other hand and brings it to join the other one. Squeezing hard, Willow manages to comfort him.
"A soul does not make you human-good or bad. It is the choices you make. And Spike, you have chosen to have a beautiful soul. Teach that to my sons. Teach them to call you dad. I could not think of anyone I would want more to show them all the love we have for each other. Tell them about me. I'll be watching you three from where ever I go."
She moves a hand to wipe at the tears running rampant down his cheeks.
"God, Willow, I won't let them take you from me. I need you here. Your boys need you here."
She just smiles. Her sunshine does not last long before her body is wracked with pain.
"Spike, tell the others I love them. You'll need help so tell them I said they should help you."
"I tried.I called.I tried to get them here. Angel and Cordy are on there way."
"Spikey."
She silences again as another shudder rips through her. It is not long now. She can feel her spirit stretching its wings; her soul preparing to meet her goddess.
"They won't make it. You'll have to tell them."
The tears start to ebb as he realizes she's slipping from him. Reaching up, Spike grabs the hand on his cheek and brings it to his lips.
"I never thought I could love like this."
"Well, I never thought you would grow up so we're even."
Despite the gravity of the moment, Spike laughs.
"How am I going to do without you?"
"You won't have to. You'll have two pieces of me with you always. And I'll never really be gone. Life is a circle. It turns and returns. You'll see me again one day."
Willow clenches her eyes tightly to stave off the oncoming tremor. It however, overtakes her anyway and her body is thrown into a shuddering fit. Her hands grow slack in Spike's, and he cuddles her closer trying to take the pain from her body. Precious seconds later, when the fit ends, her body goes slack in his arms. He looks to her face to say something comforting and with a horrifying gasp finds a lack of light in her eyes. The beautiful soul that once wrapped him up and warmed him is gone. The tears come back in a rush of cold. He crawls into bed trying to gather up the last traces of her. He didn't even get one last chance to tell her he loves her. And without her quite response in kind, he can't seem to confront the cold empty feeling welling up inside of him.
})i({
Hours later after the rest of the Scooby gang start arriving home to the frantic messages on their machines then desperately start calling each other, they all meet at the nurse's station at the hospital.
"Rosenburg?"
The nurse looks down at her clipboard at Xander's question.
"Down the hall. Maternity ward. Room 403."
The group of four rush down to room 403. It is not however, a room with a bed. It is a wide room with a dozen or so small beds filled with little babies. They find Spike in front of the glass staring at two in particular.
"Spike, where is Willow?"
"Why did they direct us here instead of her room?"
Buffy's and Xander's questions are met with stony silence. It is only after Giles's repeatedly calls his name that he snaps out of his stupor.
"They're all that are left of her now. She died about an hour ago."
No one speaks. No one questions. Staring at the evidence of her life before them, they can't bring themselves to believe that she is really gone.
})i({
Angel walks into Spike's apartment to find him lying on the sofa with two small infants. Ty is nowhere to be seen. Angel presumes he is still pining away under his master's bed.
"How are the boys?"
"Right as rain. Their doctor says they're gonna be right little bastards when they get moving around."
Angel nods.
"Spike, I.uh."
The brunette vampire stops to try to collect his thoughts.
"Spike, you can't shut yourself in here forever. Everyone else wants to help you with the boys. They want to spend time with the boys. And you need some time to yourself."
Spike grunts.
"They're my boys. It's my feelings. I'll deal with it."
"Willow wouldn't have wanted to you waste away."
Spike growls.
"Think about it. Cordelia and I are going home soon and we'd like to spend time with you and them before we leave. You've denied everyone from seeing the twins for almost a month. You can't bury yourself in them. You can't deny Willow's friends from seeing her children. You need each other to pull through this. We all need each other."
Spike's next growl catches in his throat at the sadness in Angel's eyes. He looks up from the tuft of read hair on his chest to his sire's eyes.
"I don't know any other way to go on."
"That's why you need your friends. That's why the twins need their aunts and uncles. Don't throw away all that Willow gave you just because you don't like this hand you've been dealt. She taught you to love it all-good and bad. She taught you to grow up."
Angel leans down to wipe the tears from his childe's face, gives a quick kiss to each baby, then leaves.
})i({
A sharp cry brings Spike awake. Before he can settle back into slumber a second joins the chorus. With a sigh, he grabs his guitar and makes his way to the nursery. Lying red-faced and crabby are two boys both with red hair and green eyes.
"Not sleeping well, I see."
Spike settles into the rocker in the middle of the room. Somehow anticipating what was to come, both boys quiet immediately.
"Just like you mother. Hmmm. She always said the guitar comforted you two."
Tears wet his eyes at the thought of Willow.
"Well, I guess I'll play you a few then."
Closing his eyes in concentration, choking back a sob, he picks out a song and starts to play.
I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
'Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You
I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
When finished, he quietly gets up and looks at the two nestled against each other fast asleep in the crib. After laying his guitar against the wall, his hands reach down to softly stroke each boy's head. A few tears well up in his eyes. But the cold that had overcome him, the cold that had come in and taken up residence in his soul when his sun died recedes a little. He doesn't feel so alone at the moment. In the faces of the two small babies in front of him, he can almost see their mother. He can almost feel her near. If he weren't so consumed in grief and unwilling to trust himself, he could almost sense her coming back to him. And despite the price, despite everything he has had to give up, Spike realizes that he likes being grown up. He likes facing things and dealing with them-being able to see the miraculous and beautiful experiences in front of him. He enjoys being firmly planted in one spot instead of running.
Tomorrow, Spike decides he'll call the entire gang and have them over.