When Running is the Only Option
Summary: Chloe is haunted by memories of him. Chloe needs to start a new life, filled with somethings that won't remind her of him. Can anyone stop her from destroying herself?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The usual applies- I don't own Smallville, or any of it's characters… yada yada yada.
A/N: This story takes place before Lana moves in with the Sullivans- before Lana and Whitney break up- before spring formal- before Whitney's father dies- before- well before a lotta crap. If you're confused about anything, just review and I'll answer on this story- any suggestions would be very much welcome. Essentially what I'm sayin is R/R.
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Ch.1- Goodbye to Me
September 28th
Diary-
Many people have questioned me about my choice of journalism as a profession. I always answered that it's just a childhood dream. But that's not true; well it's not the whole truth.
Writing is therapy. Or so I have always believed. I write because I do not support girlish displays of emotion. I am always happy in public, I show only one emotion. Sometimes I show determination, or anger, but never sadness, never grief. It's just not my way. Standing in the middle of a crowd crying over the latest boy breakup, or the horrible grades everyone sometimes gets, or- my favorite- breaking a nail. I just think that it's a sign of weakness. Lionel Luthor would be proud. I never confide in anyone but my father. We are tied by blood to one another. It's in the contract or something that he wouldn't leave me, or to spill my secrets.
So in order to vent my feelings when my father is too busy, or it's too personal- I write. I seem to be able to figure out my problems when everything is on paper. I can find a solution, an answer. This time though, the pain is too great. I can't think straight- I can't concentrate.
My father, Gabe Sullivan, is dead. He died in a car accident. It was raining hard when he was driving home from the Talon with me. I asked him to pick me up after I was finished studying- he did, and now…. Now, he's dead, and it's all my fault. I must be in shock, I can't believe that I am so calm as I type this on my computer- my birthday present last year. I asked for a lab top and he said it's too expensive, but lo and behold I got it. He went soft on me I suppose.
I can still feel the downpour of rain on my face as I walked to the car where he was waiting to pick me up. I still can see it- see him driving into that tree. I can hear him scream my name- calling for me- then I passed out. When I woke up, I looked over at what should have been my father. His face was all mangled from the windshield glass. He whispered my name, and I tried to move closer. He was only breathing faintly, with his last breathe he whispered, "Chloe, I love you, I love you." I couldn't talk, I just watched him watching me as he slipped away. I grabbed his hand, I cried out to him- screaming, "DAD! DAD! COME BACK!!! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" But he was gone. I never even got to say good bye. I never got to apologize. I never got to tell him I loved him. It's too cruel.
He broke his contract, he left me. He left me just as she did. Now I'm alone. I'm just writing this final diary entry. I'm saying goodbye. I can't do this anymore. No, I'm not contemplating suicide right now, well actually I am. I am contemplating the suicide of Chloe Sullivan, star reporter, snarky investigator, and member of the Three Musketeers- myself, Pete, and Clark.
I can't be alone anymore. I'm changing. I can no longer confide in these computer pages. I need to see the people I'm around. I won't be alone anymore. Just writing isn't enough. I suppose that I am saying that I will become exactly what I hate. I won't spoil the surprise. I'm saying no more. This is it dear diary. I don't care about writing anymore.
All this is too close to my father. It's entirely my fault. I, Chloe Sullivan, am responsible for the death of my father, Gabe Sullivan. If it weren't for me, he would be alive now, he wouldn't have driven down that road in the rain, he would have been home, safe. So here we go. Goodbye fond pages of my life. Good bye crush on Clark Kent. Good bye best friend Pete. Good bye Daily Planet dream. Good bye my pet Torch. Good bye old house with too many memories. Good bye to myself, for this night I, Chloe Sullivan, died with my father. I leave in this body whatever is left. Hello to this other- and I hope that your life is better than mine was in this body.
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Click of the enter key to save
Pause of a finger over the power button
Silence of room as the computer's gentle whirring ceased
A/N: Like it so far??? I sure hope you do. Next chapter involves the changes Chloe makes. I can't come up with a different nickname that Chloe could take on to contrast the two people she becomes. If you can come up with one, I'd be grateful. I have to say that this story is NOT going to be a bittersweet love story. I love to read those, but I can't write them the way I want them to be!!! (In case anyone has read my other stories, I don't think that they are exactly what I was envisioning.) So, R/R I don't know exactly where I am going to go, I think that I have the perfect couple… but I'm not sure how it's going to work out. Any suggestions or comments would be helpful. The other chapters won't be so confusing as this one I hope. LoL. Enjoy!