Chapter 2 - Grief of All Kinds
Alone.
That's how most people would currently describe my situation, but I prefer the term solitary. The term alone implies loneliness, which means that the person in question actually wants someone else there.
I don't.
Not right now anyway. The Professor says that I'm progressing through my grief normally. He says that if I feel the need to be alone, the need for solitude, that I should take it. So, I am currently solitary, both mentally and physically.
In my mind I pull away from everything around me and wail constantly in my guilt.
For what I did.
For what I did not do.
For what I failed to do.
Physically I'm currently eating lunch on my first day at Bayville High. Physically I'm solitary despite Kitty Pride's annoying attempts to find me and 'include' me in the group. Physically, I'm solitary, because, well, I'm in the biggest tree on the campus, eating in its branches, and she can't find me to drag me away.
I finish eating and pack the remains of my lunch back into its bag. I glance around, and spot a trash can near the school. I toss the bag from my relaxed position in the tree.
He shoots, he scores!
As always. A couple of years of snagging fleeing crooks with tracers will give anyone pretty good aim. But, with the way my luck was running, someone saw. One Lance 'Avalanche' Alvers. He leans his back against the tree and looks up at me.
"Hey - new guy."
I glance down at him, acknowledging his presence, but don't answer. He continues anyway.
"I heard you're the new guy at the Xavier Institute. What do you do?
I arch an eyebrow. His manners aren't the best, and I'm in no mood for wisecracks, but humor him.
"Nothing."
"I don't believe that. Nothing? You have to be able to do something to get in there. Like this…"
Lance steps back from the tree and clenches his fist. The ground around the tree begins to shake. I absently clutch the branch so that I remain stable, but otherwise do nothing. When it stops, I look down at him.
"Get it through your thick skull. I'm an ordinary human. Now run off to your flunkies, pun intended, and leave me alone."
Miniature fires seem to light in his eyes and he lets out an inarticulate growl. The shaking starts again, but this time more violent. I contemplate how much I would risk exposing by grabbing a branch and swinging down to give him a large kick in the head, when a voice interrupts.
"Lance?! What do you think you're doing?!"
Great. Now she'll be on to me. And I thought I could keep this up for at least a week before she found out.
Kitty Pride stalked across the school grounds and looked up in the tree. I had a disgusted look on my face, which she misdirected.
"Great! He's only been here one day and you're already trying to beat him up! You complete jerk! You thundering idiot!"
Then she did something I wasn't expecting given her usually overly happy and perky attitude.
She slapped him.
The echo rang out across the yard, as I landed lightly on my feet and began walking away, hoping she wouldn't notice. My infamous luck struck yet again. Kitty left the shocked Lance where he was and ran to catch up with me.
"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you. Lunch is nearly over. You could have sat with us you know."
"Hmmm? I was in the tree the whole time. I guess I didn't notice you looking for me. Glad you found me when you did though, rock-boy over there was beginning to get on my nerves."
One part truth, one part half-truth, and one part bold faced lie. Let's see if she's swallowing the mix.
She is. She threads an arm through mine and proceeds to drag me across the lawn to the table where the other 'X-Men' are laughing amongst themselves.
Ten bucks says it's about the fact that Kitty's been looking for me all hour. Another ten says they don't have the grace to shut up about it when we sit down either.
I hate being right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I grinned at Amanda as Kitty dragged Peter back over to the table where we were sitting. I winked at her before speaking.
"If I went missing one lunch period would you hunt me down?"
She laughed as Peter took a seat next to me with a slightly sick smile on his face, Kitty on his other side.
"No, I'd leave you to rot wherever you were hiding yourself. I'm obviously not as completely head-over-heals for you as Kitty is for Peter…"
She gave me a loving grin and we laughed together as Peter put his head into his hands and groaned while Kitty's soda flew out her nose. The expression on his face wasn't very good when his head came up.
Oh no. Did we go too far?
I patted Peter's back gently.
"It's okay, right? Just trying to make you laugh a little."
His smile was still a little weak, but he tried.
"I know, Kurt."
"I just wanted to be alone today, that's all. Thanks for trying. Really."
Kitty blushed and glared at him, and he glared right back.
"Last time I try to do something nice for you!"
"I could have handled rock-head back there myself thank you!"
"Yeah, right! If you tried you'd a quivering mass on the ground!"
"Not likely kitty-cat!"
"Arrogant blowhard!"
"Narcissistic hag!"
"Parentless pig!"
Silence echoed through the table. Peter just stood there, quivering in rage. His fists clenched and I readied myself to restrain him. The look on his face wasn't very forgiving. Kitty had had a horrified look on her face and tried to stutter out an apology.
"Peter, I… I… di…"
He just stormed off. I looked at Kitty. Scott spoke up, and his voice reminded me a little of steel.
"That went way too far Kitty."
"I know. It just came out."
We all walked away as the bell rang, and Kitty stood there alone for a second, looking kind of lost as I glanced back. I turned back, and hurried to catch up to Amanda.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After school, I walked through the streets of Bayville, just trying to sort through the mess my life had become. I mentally thanked Kurt, and made a mental note to do it for real, for taking my backpack back to the Institute for me.
I was solitary for the first time since Kitty had found me earlier, and it felt great, despite the reasons I needed the privacy. It felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders now that I didn't feel the need to mask my feelings.
Passing a silent construction sight, I stop, deciding that it's a perfect place to stop and think for a while. I sit on top of a cement mixer that's next to the half-assembled skeleton of building, and try to think, when a voice sounds out, and a man in a gray suit steps out in front of me.
I hop down from the mixer and stare Lance in the face, obviously dressed as 'Avalanche', from the massive amounts of data the Professor gave me to understand how dangerous each individual of 'The Brotherhood of Mutants' really is. A blur forms next to him, quickly slowing to become recognizable as Pietro 'Quicksilver' Maximoff. The shaking in the ground is too rhythmic to be Avalanche using his powers, and Fred 'The Blob' Dukes steps up to join them. A quick 'thump' behind me that my Spider-Sense follows over my head to land in front of the others, crouched down, revealing Todd 'Toad' Tolensky.
Just my luck.
Avalanche's eyes narrowed.
"I don't know what it is, but I really don't like you. I also don't believe you're not a mutant. You'd have to be to get into Xavier's place. So we're gonna test you. The hard way."
The Professor says that I'm progressing through my grief normally.
I'm pretty sure I've just progressed to the stage called anger.
The 'test' starts predictably. Toad remains where he is on the gravel and shoots his tongue out at me. With my Spider-Sense screaming at me, I react before I think. I quickly snatch it out of the air. A maliciously ingenious idea comes to me, and I quickly tie the tongue through an eye-hole in the girder next to me. The results are predictably comical as he slams into the girder. His groan as he slides into unconsciousness tells me he'll have no lasting injuries except a concussion and a large headache.
The exceptional, but still human, speed at which I grabbed Toad's tongue triggered Pietro next, who dashed toward me with incredible speed in an effort to show me how 'slow' I was compared to him. One burst of inspiration later, and I used my Spider-Sense to step out of the way at the last moment, letting Quicksilver's momentum carry him into the cement mixer, where he knocked it over. I watched his legs and unconscious form get covered by cement, marveling at how someone who moved so fast could think so slowly.
He won't be moving anytime soon…
Loud thuds warned me before my Spider-Sense that Blob was coming at me, so I rolled to the side, letting him sail past, but he turned around and came back at me. I ducked and weaved through the girders, Fred lumbering through, struggling to keep up. A glance over my shoulder told me that Lance was getting bored and angry, a dangerous combination given his power and our locale. A few growls later, and his lack of control caused a small tremor, but still more than enough to shake loose a lot of the building. Spider-Sense screaming, I turned and ran. Blob wasn't quite fast enough, and was partially buried, joining his companions in dreamland. I turned on Alvers.
"That was incredibly stupid, shakey. You do not use any kind of seismic ability on a construction sight for the exact problem we just witnessed. That was a stupid move. I would have done this."
I tapped a little of my strength and punched him into the pile of girders. I walked away, feeling the anger pass.
Alone.
That's how most people would currently describe my situation, but I prefer the term solitary. The term alone implies loneliness, which means that the person in question actually wants someone else there.
I don't.
Not right now anyway. The Professor says that I'm progressing through my grief normally. He says that if I feel the need to be alone, the need for solitude, that I should take it. So, I am currently solitary, both mentally and physically.
In my mind I pull away from everything around me and wail constantly in my guilt.
For what I did.
For what I did not do.
For what I failed to do.
Physically I'm currently eating lunch on my first day at Bayville High. Physically I'm solitary despite Kitty Pride's annoying attempts to find me and 'include' me in the group. Physically, I'm solitary, because, well, I'm in the biggest tree on the campus, eating in its branches, and she can't find me to drag me away.
I finish eating and pack the remains of my lunch back into its bag. I glance around, and spot a trash can near the school. I toss the bag from my relaxed position in the tree.
He shoots, he scores!
As always. A couple of years of snagging fleeing crooks with tracers will give anyone pretty good aim. But, with the way my luck was running, someone saw. One Lance 'Avalanche' Alvers. He leans his back against the tree and looks up at me.
"Hey - new guy."
I glance down at him, acknowledging his presence, but don't answer. He continues anyway.
"I heard you're the new guy at the Xavier Institute. What do you do?
I arch an eyebrow. His manners aren't the best, and I'm in no mood for wisecracks, but humor him.
"Nothing."
"I don't believe that. Nothing? You have to be able to do something to get in there. Like this…"
Lance steps back from the tree and clenches his fist. The ground around the tree begins to shake. I absently clutch the branch so that I remain stable, but otherwise do nothing. When it stops, I look down at him.
"Get it through your thick skull. I'm an ordinary human. Now run off to your flunkies, pun intended, and leave me alone."
Miniature fires seem to light in his eyes and he lets out an inarticulate growl. The shaking starts again, but this time more violent. I contemplate how much I would risk exposing by grabbing a branch and swinging down to give him a large kick in the head, when a voice interrupts.
"Lance?! What do you think you're doing?!"
Great. Now she'll be on to me. And I thought I could keep this up for at least a week before she found out.
Kitty Pride stalked across the school grounds and looked up in the tree. I had a disgusted look on my face, which she misdirected.
"Great! He's only been here one day and you're already trying to beat him up! You complete jerk! You thundering idiot!"
Then she did something I wasn't expecting given her usually overly happy and perky attitude.
She slapped him.
The echo rang out across the yard, as I landed lightly on my feet and began walking away, hoping she wouldn't notice. My infamous luck struck yet again. Kitty left the shocked Lance where he was and ran to catch up with me.
"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you. Lunch is nearly over. You could have sat with us you know."
"Hmmm? I was in the tree the whole time. I guess I didn't notice you looking for me. Glad you found me when you did though, rock-boy over there was beginning to get on my nerves."
One part truth, one part half-truth, and one part bold faced lie. Let's see if she's swallowing the mix.
She is. She threads an arm through mine and proceeds to drag me across the lawn to the table where the other 'X-Men' are laughing amongst themselves.
Ten bucks says it's about the fact that Kitty's been looking for me all hour. Another ten says they don't have the grace to shut up about it when we sit down either.
I hate being right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I grinned at Amanda as Kitty dragged Peter back over to the table where we were sitting. I winked at her before speaking.
"If I went missing one lunch period would you hunt me down?"
She laughed as Peter took a seat next to me with a slightly sick smile on his face, Kitty on his other side.
"No, I'd leave you to rot wherever you were hiding yourself. I'm obviously not as completely head-over-heals for you as Kitty is for Peter…"
She gave me a loving grin and we laughed together as Peter put his head into his hands and groaned while Kitty's soda flew out her nose. The expression on his face wasn't very good when his head came up.
Oh no. Did we go too far?
I patted Peter's back gently.
"It's okay, right? Just trying to make you laugh a little."
His smile was still a little weak, but he tried.
"I know, Kurt."
"I just wanted to be alone today, that's all. Thanks for trying. Really."
Kitty blushed and glared at him, and he glared right back.
"Last time I try to do something nice for you!"
"I could have handled rock-head back there myself thank you!"
"Yeah, right! If you tried you'd a quivering mass on the ground!"
"Not likely kitty-cat!"
"Arrogant blowhard!"
"Narcissistic hag!"
"Parentless pig!"
Silence echoed through the table. Peter just stood there, quivering in rage. His fists clenched and I readied myself to restrain him. The look on his face wasn't very forgiving. Kitty had had a horrified look on her face and tried to stutter out an apology.
"Peter, I… I… di…"
He just stormed off. I looked at Kitty. Scott spoke up, and his voice reminded me a little of steel.
"That went way too far Kitty."
"I know. It just came out."
We all walked away as the bell rang, and Kitty stood there alone for a second, looking kind of lost as I glanced back. I turned back, and hurried to catch up to Amanda.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After school, I walked through the streets of Bayville, just trying to sort through the mess my life had become. I mentally thanked Kurt, and made a mental note to do it for real, for taking my backpack back to the Institute for me.
I was solitary for the first time since Kitty had found me earlier, and it felt great, despite the reasons I needed the privacy. It felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders now that I didn't feel the need to mask my feelings.
Passing a silent construction sight, I stop, deciding that it's a perfect place to stop and think for a while. I sit on top of a cement mixer that's next to the half-assembled skeleton of building, and try to think, when a voice sounds out, and a man in a gray suit steps out in front of me.
I hop down from the mixer and stare Lance in the face, obviously dressed as 'Avalanche', from the massive amounts of data the Professor gave me to understand how dangerous each individual of 'The Brotherhood of Mutants' really is. A blur forms next to him, quickly slowing to become recognizable as Pietro 'Quicksilver' Maximoff. The shaking in the ground is too rhythmic to be Avalanche using his powers, and Fred 'The Blob' Dukes steps up to join them. A quick 'thump' behind me that my Spider-Sense follows over my head to land in front of the others, crouched down, revealing Todd 'Toad' Tolensky.
Just my luck.
Avalanche's eyes narrowed.
"I don't know what it is, but I really don't like you. I also don't believe you're not a mutant. You'd have to be to get into Xavier's place. So we're gonna test you. The hard way."
The Professor says that I'm progressing through my grief normally.
I'm pretty sure I've just progressed to the stage called anger.
The 'test' starts predictably. Toad remains where he is on the gravel and shoots his tongue out at me. With my Spider-Sense screaming at me, I react before I think. I quickly snatch it out of the air. A maliciously ingenious idea comes to me, and I quickly tie the tongue through an eye-hole in the girder next to me. The results are predictably comical as he slams into the girder. His groan as he slides into unconsciousness tells me he'll have no lasting injuries except a concussion and a large headache.
The exceptional, but still human, speed at which I grabbed Toad's tongue triggered Pietro next, who dashed toward me with incredible speed in an effort to show me how 'slow' I was compared to him. One burst of inspiration later, and I used my Spider-Sense to step out of the way at the last moment, letting Quicksilver's momentum carry him into the cement mixer, where he knocked it over. I watched his legs and unconscious form get covered by cement, marveling at how someone who moved so fast could think so slowly.
He won't be moving anytime soon…
Loud thuds warned me before my Spider-Sense that Blob was coming at me, so I rolled to the side, letting him sail past, but he turned around and came back at me. I ducked and weaved through the girders, Fred lumbering through, struggling to keep up. A glance over my shoulder told me that Lance was getting bored and angry, a dangerous combination given his power and our locale. A few growls later, and his lack of control caused a small tremor, but still more than enough to shake loose a lot of the building. Spider-Sense screaming, I turned and ran. Blob wasn't quite fast enough, and was partially buried, joining his companions in dreamland. I turned on Alvers.
"That was incredibly stupid, shakey. You do not use any kind of seismic ability on a construction sight for the exact problem we just witnessed. That was a stupid move. I would have done this."
I tapped a little of my strength and punched him into the pile of girders. I walked away, feeling the anger pass.