Chapter 4 - Irony
I hesitated in front of the door, my hand hovering in mid-knock like the door would chew my hand off.
Now or never…
My hand trembled a little as I knocked.
"Can I come in?"
"…Sure."
I phased through the door, stopping just inside. Peter was laying on his bed, studying his Biology book. He blinked at me.
"Well, that's a little unsettling to see. What do you need?"
I blushed a little.
"I need to apologize about earlier. I was way out of line with… well, what I said…"
He smiled at me.
OOOOkay… What's wrong here?
"It's okay, I'd almost completely forgotten about it. I've been known to get under people's skin pretty easily. Now that I think about it, 'narcissistic hag' was probably a bit out of line as well. Don't worry about it."
My turn to blink now.
"Wow. I thought that this would be more difficult… You sure you're okay?"
His smile widened a little, and he seemed a little smug as he spoke.
"I'm sure. I got in a little… light exercise… on the way home from school. Does wonders for anger management."
I shuffled a little nervously and bit my lip.
"Hey… Beast was going to give me some pointers for that biology test. You want to come with me?"
He tipped his head back, and thought for a moment. His head came back forward with a genuine smile.
"Sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.
That's straight from the movie The Matrix. You can quote me on that. The quote, or the fact that it's from The Matrix. I don't care.
My life, it seems, is an eternal cosmic joke.
Same style, original quote. You can quote that too.
Consider my current situation.
I am arguably one of more powerful individuals in the state, if not the country, and I'm trying to pass myself off as an ordinary human and avoid being noticed by living among mutants.
Smart. Really.
Growing up, I was geeky little Peter Parker. Despite my change in scenery, and the numerous life shattering events, the depression I'm only now starting to come out of has already labeled me geeky little Peter Parker.
Life is swell. Really.
Three days ago, Kitty and I were verbally duking it out at lunch, and by the time dinner rolled around, we were comrades in arms against the looming biology test. It's become something of a friendly competition between us.
If I get a higher score than her, I'll definitely rub her face in it.
This morning, however, takes the cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I yawned as I walked down the stairs, not really paying attention. This was allowed mostly because my Spider-Sense told me about the little things.
Like stepping to one side as Kurt 'bamphed' into the hallway, to stop as Kitty ran out one wall and across the hall into the other, and to avoid putting my hand on the railing that Bobby Drake had slid down.
Those things being said, I was usually the only one who made it to the breakfast table intact. Except Logan. I'm not sure if it's his healing factor, his temper, or some combination of the two, but he's usually the only other one besides me who hasn't done something stupid by this time.
"Coffee?"
Logan grunted and a claw came out, pointing at the coffee maker, which was percolating happily to itself before using it to snag the toast that popped up from the toaster beside him.
I grabbed my first cup of what would probably eventually be two before I was through. I was so used to being out past midnight on a regular basis that coffee was a necessary factor in my morning routine.
At least it's Saturday.
Which meant this scene was happening at ten in the morning, as apposed to around seven. I put some toast in for myself and sat down at the table, holding the mug containing the essence of alertness. I drank a bit, listening to the chaos upstairs, knowing after about a month or so that trying to wrest the bathrooms away from people with superpowers in the morning was next to hopeless, especially when they used said superpowers to fight each other for them regularly.
I remember the time I saw Scott fighting Evan for them. The Professor was not happy…
Neither for that matter was Logan, who had been sent in to defuse the situation.
There was the odd 'thunk' noise that told me that my toast was ready. I gabbed it just as Kurt 'bamphed' in again and made a grab for it. I knocked his hand away, and sat down at the table hovering over it possessively as I buttered it. I ate thoughtfully as Kitty emerged from one of the walls and grabbed my second piece of toast, sitting next to me. Kurt, sitting across from me, now with his own toast, was a little stunned.
"Wha? How? When?"
I rolled my eyes, then made a grab for the piece. My hand flew right through her.
"Not worth the effort."
"Ah."
Then it happened.
"Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can…"
The final bite of my toast exited my mouth the way it came in and landed on Kurt, who in turn 'bamphed' out with his plate, presumably to a bathroom so he could wash himself off. Down came Evan Daniels, singing that god-awful song, and wearing one of those T-shirts they used to sell at the wrestling ring. Suddenly I was a little glad Kitty had taken my second piece of toast.
I'm not sure I would have eaten it now anyways…
From next to me, Kitty grinned.
"This is pretty regular. Evan's a Spider-Freak."
Evan grumbled a bit.
"I am not. I just think he's cool, that's all. It's strange though."
Kitty inquired a little mockingly.
"Oh?"
Evan seemed to ignore it, or just didn't hear her tone.
"It's like he's just disappeared. I wonder where he's hiding…?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. Really.
This Evan thing could be bad. The irony of the situation is enough to make the side of that's still Spider-Man want to toss out wise-cracks every ten seconds or so, and the Peter Parker side wants to find a hole to crawl in and die from embarrassment. Not good.
Which is why I'm currently hiding.
No, not in a tree.
On the roof of the Institute. There's a stepladder on my small balcony to explain my presence, but if the Spider-Sense says no one is watching, I just jump.
Speaking of the infamous Spider-Sense, there it goes now…
I roll backwards, and once again only just manage to have Kurt avoid landing on me.
This'll take a little more getting used to.
Kurt looked around, then sighting me, he grinned.
"You hiding from Kitty too?"
"Just thinking actually. The question is, why should I hide from Kitty?"
Kurt grimaced.
"She's cooking again."
I arched an eyebrow.
"She's not very good I take it."
He shuddered.
"That's an understatement. The last time she made muffins they turned out to be harder than most rocks."
"Ouch."
"Da."
"What did she make this time? More muffins?"
"No. Soup."
"That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, just pour from the can, add…"
"She's making it from scratch."
"Oh boy. Has it eaten through the bottom of the pot yet?"
He chuckled.
"No, not yet, but I'm not sure that Fred would eat it. It's almost the color of my skin."
"It is not!"
"Wha…?"
We turned, and there stood Kitty, pot in hand.
"See?!"
She held out the pot for us to inspect, and it was a sickly greenish brown color. I resisted an urge to vomit.
"You're right. It's worse."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Peter…"
*X-Men, I need to see you in the study. Something's come up.*
Kitty grinned and shoved the pot in my hands.
"Take care of this for me will you?"
Before I could say anything, she had sunk beneath the surface of the roof, and the 'bamph' behind me told me Kurt was avoiding responsibility as well. I looked back down at the pot in my hands and sighed.
Great. Just great.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the more enjoyable things about the X-Men being on a mission is that the mansion is very quiet. Perfect for thinking, or, in this case, reading. With Peter here, there is some noise as he watches the television, but the young man seems perfectly capable of keeping to himself.
And keeping the volume down…
"PROFESSOR!"
*What is it Peter?*
*Turn on channel 12! Now!*
I switch on the television in the library, quickly changing the channel, and gasp.
[This is a report live from the New York countryside. An unknown group of people, presumably mutants, are doing battle with the evil syndicate known as the Sinister Six…]
The screen showed the X-Men only maintaining a balance on the situation by sheer force of numbers. I closed my eyes in resignation.
*Peter, come to the elevator with me. I fear I will need your help making use of the medical facilities.*
There was a slight pause before he broadcasted a thought back.
*Coming Professor.*
I hesitated in front of the door, my hand hovering in mid-knock like the door would chew my hand off.
Now or never…
My hand trembled a little as I knocked.
"Can I come in?"
"…Sure."
I phased through the door, stopping just inside. Peter was laying on his bed, studying his Biology book. He blinked at me.
"Well, that's a little unsettling to see. What do you need?"
I blushed a little.
"I need to apologize about earlier. I was way out of line with… well, what I said…"
He smiled at me.
OOOOkay… What's wrong here?
"It's okay, I'd almost completely forgotten about it. I've been known to get under people's skin pretty easily. Now that I think about it, 'narcissistic hag' was probably a bit out of line as well. Don't worry about it."
My turn to blink now.
"Wow. I thought that this would be more difficult… You sure you're okay?"
His smile widened a little, and he seemed a little smug as he spoke.
"I'm sure. I got in a little… light exercise… on the way home from school. Does wonders for anger management."
I shuffled a little nervously and bit my lip.
"Hey… Beast was going to give me some pointers for that biology test. You want to come with me?"
He tipped his head back, and thought for a moment. His head came back forward with a genuine smile.
"Sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.
That's straight from the movie The Matrix. You can quote me on that. The quote, or the fact that it's from The Matrix. I don't care.
My life, it seems, is an eternal cosmic joke.
Same style, original quote. You can quote that too.
Consider my current situation.
I am arguably one of more powerful individuals in the state, if not the country, and I'm trying to pass myself off as an ordinary human and avoid being noticed by living among mutants.
Smart. Really.
Growing up, I was geeky little Peter Parker. Despite my change in scenery, and the numerous life shattering events, the depression I'm only now starting to come out of has already labeled me geeky little Peter Parker.
Life is swell. Really.
Three days ago, Kitty and I were verbally duking it out at lunch, and by the time dinner rolled around, we were comrades in arms against the looming biology test. It's become something of a friendly competition between us.
If I get a higher score than her, I'll definitely rub her face in it.
This morning, however, takes the cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I yawned as I walked down the stairs, not really paying attention. This was allowed mostly because my Spider-Sense told me about the little things.
Like stepping to one side as Kurt 'bamphed' into the hallway, to stop as Kitty ran out one wall and across the hall into the other, and to avoid putting my hand on the railing that Bobby Drake had slid down.
Those things being said, I was usually the only one who made it to the breakfast table intact. Except Logan. I'm not sure if it's his healing factor, his temper, or some combination of the two, but he's usually the only other one besides me who hasn't done something stupid by this time.
"Coffee?"
Logan grunted and a claw came out, pointing at the coffee maker, which was percolating happily to itself before using it to snag the toast that popped up from the toaster beside him.
I grabbed my first cup of what would probably eventually be two before I was through. I was so used to being out past midnight on a regular basis that coffee was a necessary factor in my morning routine.
At least it's Saturday.
Which meant this scene was happening at ten in the morning, as apposed to around seven. I put some toast in for myself and sat down at the table, holding the mug containing the essence of alertness. I drank a bit, listening to the chaos upstairs, knowing after about a month or so that trying to wrest the bathrooms away from people with superpowers in the morning was next to hopeless, especially when they used said superpowers to fight each other for them regularly.
I remember the time I saw Scott fighting Evan for them. The Professor was not happy…
Neither for that matter was Logan, who had been sent in to defuse the situation.
There was the odd 'thunk' noise that told me that my toast was ready. I gabbed it just as Kurt 'bamphed' in again and made a grab for it. I knocked his hand away, and sat down at the table hovering over it possessively as I buttered it. I ate thoughtfully as Kitty emerged from one of the walls and grabbed my second piece of toast, sitting next to me. Kurt, sitting across from me, now with his own toast, was a little stunned.
"Wha? How? When?"
I rolled my eyes, then made a grab for the piece. My hand flew right through her.
"Not worth the effort."
"Ah."
Then it happened.
"Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can…"
The final bite of my toast exited my mouth the way it came in and landed on Kurt, who in turn 'bamphed' out with his plate, presumably to a bathroom so he could wash himself off. Down came Evan Daniels, singing that god-awful song, and wearing one of those T-shirts they used to sell at the wrestling ring. Suddenly I was a little glad Kitty had taken my second piece of toast.
I'm not sure I would have eaten it now anyways…
From next to me, Kitty grinned.
"This is pretty regular. Evan's a Spider-Freak."
Evan grumbled a bit.
"I am not. I just think he's cool, that's all. It's strange though."
Kitty inquired a little mockingly.
"Oh?"
Evan seemed to ignore it, or just didn't hear her tone.
"It's like he's just disappeared. I wonder where he's hiding…?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. Really.
This Evan thing could be bad. The irony of the situation is enough to make the side of that's still Spider-Man want to toss out wise-cracks every ten seconds or so, and the Peter Parker side wants to find a hole to crawl in and die from embarrassment. Not good.
Which is why I'm currently hiding.
No, not in a tree.
On the roof of the Institute. There's a stepladder on my small balcony to explain my presence, but if the Spider-Sense says no one is watching, I just jump.
Speaking of the infamous Spider-Sense, there it goes now…
I roll backwards, and once again only just manage to have Kurt avoid landing on me.
This'll take a little more getting used to.
Kurt looked around, then sighting me, he grinned.
"You hiding from Kitty too?"
"Just thinking actually. The question is, why should I hide from Kitty?"
Kurt grimaced.
"She's cooking again."
I arched an eyebrow.
"She's not very good I take it."
He shuddered.
"That's an understatement. The last time she made muffins they turned out to be harder than most rocks."
"Ouch."
"Da."
"What did she make this time? More muffins?"
"No. Soup."
"That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, just pour from the can, add…"
"She's making it from scratch."
"Oh boy. Has it eaten through the bottom of the pot yet?"
He chuckled.
"No, not yet, but I'm not sure that Fred would eat it. It's almost the color of my skin."
"It is not!"
"Wha…?"
We turned, and there stood Kitty, pot in hand.
"See?!"
She held out the pot for us to inspect, and it was a sickly greenish brown color. I resisted an urge to vomit.
"You're right. It's worse."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Peter…"
*X-Men, I need to see you in the study. Something's come up.*
Kitty grinned and shoved the pot in my hands.
"Take care of this for me will you?"
Before I could say anything, she had sunk beneath the surface of the roof, and the 'bamph' behind me told me Kurt was avoiding responsibility as well. I looked back down at the pot in my hands and sighed.
Great. Just great.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the more enjoyable things about the X-Men being on a mission is that the mansion is very quiet. Perfect for thinking, or, in this case, reading. With Peter here, there is some noise as he watches the television, but the young man seems perfectly capable of keeping to himself.
And keeping the volume down…
"PROFESSOR!"
*What is it Peter?*
*Turn on channel 12! Now!*
I switch on the television in the library, quickly changing the channel, and gasp.
[This is a report live from the New York countryside. An unknown group of people, presumably mutants, are doing battle with the evil syndicate known as the Sinister Six…]
The screen showed the X-Men only maintaining a balance on the situation by sheer force of numbers. I closed my eyes in resignation.
*Peter, come to the elevator with me. I fear I will need your help making use of the medical facilities.*
There was a slight pause before he broadcasted a thought back.
*Coming Professor.*