Flash, Bang, Wallop: Middle-Earth Version
All lined up in a wedding group,
Here we are for a photograph,
All dressed up in an armour suit
And we're trying not to laugh.
Since the elves began their westward jour-
ney and followed Oromë,
There's always been a photographer
To record the happy day.
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click, what a picture,
What a photograph!
Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke,
Helm blown off in a cloud of smoke,
Clap hands, stamp your feet,
Bang it on the big bass drum.
What a picture, what a picture,
Rum tid-de-ly um pum pum pum pum,
Stick it in the family album!
The same thing happened long ago
In the hunting of Carcharoth,
But little did the hunters know
Of the great wolf's strength and wrath.
The hunters were prepared to die
To defeat the dread Red Maw,
But King Thingol was rescued by
The Hound of Valinor.
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click, what a picture,
What a photograph!
Poor Hu-an, with his final kill,
Died recov'ring a Silmaril.
Clap hands, stamp your feet,
Bang it on the big bass drum.
What a picture, what a picture,
Rum tid-de-ly um pum pum pum pum,
Stick it in the family album!
When Thorin and his company
Took a trip to Erebor,
They woke up Smaug, who immediately
Flew out from his front door.
As he torched Laketown he was safe, he thought,
'Cause his armour was the best,
But Bard the archer calmly sought
The gap in the dragon's breast.
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click, what a picture,
What a photograph!
Poor old Smaug; with a careful look,
One black arrow was all it took.
Clap hands, stamp your feet,
Bang it on the big bass drum.
What a picture, what a picture,
Rum tid-de-ly um pum pum pum pum,
Stick it in the family album!
In the Prancing Pony inn at Bree
A hobbit sang a song.
He didn't know, just then, that he
Wouldn't stay unheeded long –
For he jumped to hard, too far, too high,
To an unsuccessful flight;
All assembled gave a startled cry
As he disappeared from sight!
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click, what a picture,
What a photograph!
There he'd been, there he wasn't now!
Leapt to nowhere, just like the cow!
Clap hands, stamp your feet,
Bang it on the big bass drum.
What a picture, what a picture,
Rum tid-de-ly um pum pum pum pum,
Stick it in the family album!
When Frodo came to the Crack, he cried:
"I will not do this thing,"
So Gollum opened his mouth up wide
And bit off the golden Ring.
As Sméagol took his precious toy
And held it higher and higher,
He danced about, so mad with joy
That he fell into the Fire!
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture,
Click, what a picture,
What a photograph!
Sauron fell; Mordor was a ruin:
All the foul little slinker's doin'!
Clap hands, stamp your feet,
Bang it on the big bass drum.
What a picture, what a picture,
Rum tid-de-ly um pum pum pum pum,
Stick it in the family album!
Stick it in the family
Stick it in the family
Stick it in the family – album!