Part 2: "I Had a Little Trouble With the Fireplace"
Ansem wasn't terribly sure he wanted to know where he ended up this time. At the moment, he had a female dancer in his lap, caressing his cheek provocatively. He gulped and receded into his chair, wholly unused to this kind of contact with other human beings. And thought he hated to admit it, he didn't terribly dislike this sensation, either.
Fortunately, he didn't have to worry about what to do with himself, because not a second later, the dancer mockingly shoved away from him, planting the heel of her hand firmly in his face. Ansem blinked in confusion momentarily, then growled at his treatment. So, it had just been an act? He was thoroughly relieved by this, although a teeny tiny part of his mind teetered on disappointment.
The girl's dance ended, while Ansem sulked in his chair. People around him were dressed in brightly-colored costumes, drinking beer, and generally having a merry old time. Ansem hardly got out enough anymore to remember what these "festival" things were, and he couldn't help but feel out of place. Unfortunately, he had no idea what kind of person he had "leaped" into, and thus really didn't know what was expected of him here. He took a little comfort in the fact that no one seemed bothered by his grouchy attitude.
"Ahhhh, that was some performance, eh, Your Majesty?"
Ansem nearly had a heart attack as Cid suddenly popped into existence right next to him. Once Ansem's blood pressure had righted itself, he turned angrily to Cid and demanded, "Don't DO that!"
Cid rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry about that, Highness, but it's kinda hard for me to announce myself before I show up." He opened up the panel on his chest pack and tapped at the keys absently. "Thankfully, you were pretty easy to find this time."
"So, what happened?" said Ansem, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to ward off the migraine that was threatening to overtake his already battered senses. "Last thing I knew I was on that ridiculous floating continent, and now I'm sitting in the middle of the world's largest outdoor tavern."
"Yeah, isn't it great?" Cid exclaimed, watching the merriment as a gangly stick of a man sifted through the crowd, pulling people wearing various hideous masks onto the stage. "This place is certainly more exciting than that last place." Cid blinked, then suddenly remembered he was supposed to be checking something and returned to his mad typing. "Ah, anyway, Ziggy isn't quite sure why you were thrown to yet another world."
Ansem buried his face in his hand and sighed in irritation. "I thought you said I was supposed to mess things up for a world in order to leave. Didn't I 'upset the balance' or something while I was there?"
"Apparently, yes," commented Cid absently, still throwing statistics into his portable console. "However, Ziggy says there's an 88.1% chance that what you did was actually supposed to happen." He stopped typing momentarily to crack his knuckles and commented, "But, regardless, until we know exactly what allows you to leave a world, you should probably play the part of whomever's body you've inhabited. It worked last time, after all."
Ansem turned his head away from Cid in disgust. "Feh. I don't even know WHO this guy is! The only way I'll know I'm doing something wrong is if everyone suddenly goes silent and stares at me!"
Strangely, as if on cue, the entire crowd did indeed go silent. Ansem gripped the arms of his chair, hoping that he wasn't supposed to be doing something other than sitting at this point. Cautiously, he turned his attention to the crowd, and let out a sigh of relief when he noticed that their attention was focused somewhere other than on him. Looking up, he noticed the object of their attention was an absolutely hideous creature of a man, wearing an old green shirt and tight leather pants. His face was hideously deformed, and he was hunched over like an old man on a walker.
"What a fascinating specimen," Ansem commented, the hunchback also gaining his full attention. He wondered inwardly what the crowd's reaction to this person would be. He knew that human hearts tended to shun what they did not understand, and wouldn't be at all surprised if this scene turned violent and inhumane.
"People, people, don't panic!" came the assuring voice of the jester-clothed gangly man from before. "We asked for the ugliest face in Paris, and here he is! Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame!"
For some reason, this illicited a cheer from the crowd, and Ansem could only sit back and watch, dumbfounded, as they hoisted the misshapen man on their shoulders and paraded him around the square. The fickleness of the human heart... he was certain he'd understood this aspect of it.
"What a great party!" Cid cheered. "These people sure don't have the types of prejudices our studies predicted, sir! Perhaps we were wrong in assuming that hearts were essentially filled with darkness."
Ansem growled and swiped his hand in a motion to grab Cid by the arm, but the act was utterly futile, as he'd forgotten that Cid didn't "exist" as a physical body in this world, but simply as a holographic projection directly into his heart. "How DARE you question my research!" he spat. "This incident is obviously not representative of the norm! In large groups such as these, human hearts resort to their basest, darkest instincts!"
This, however, did not appear to be the case, as the hunchback, now revealed to be named Quasimodo, stood joyfully on the stage while the crowd cheered his name. Something wasn't normal. Something wasn't right. Something would have to break this.
Out of seemingly nowhere, a tomato flew from the crowd and hit Quasimodo square in the face. After a shocked gasp from the rest of the audience, more vegetables followed. The change in heart spread quickly, and the laughs from the people on the street went from joyous to mocking.
Ansem lifted his head and smiled smugly to himself. As he had predicted, the darkness of the heart had won over. Cid stood by helplessly, nervously twiddling his thumbs.
"Well, they were acting nice for a little while, at least," he commented lamely. That idealistic boy would never understand the true nature of the heart. Let this be a lesson to him next time he decides to challenge hard-researched conclusions.
"Sir, request permission to stop this cruelty!" The voice did not come from Cid, but rather a golden-armored soldier standing on the street.
Ansem paid the soldier no mind, simply saying, "In a moment. A lesson needs to be learned here." Cid flinched visibly, knowing how much the king liked to rub it in.
However, the crowd had suddenly gone silent again. Looking up, Ansem gasped as he noticed the torture had ceased. Standing with the deformed boy was the dancer who had mocked him before. She unwrapped her shawl and began cleaning off Quasimodo's face, seemingly unafraid of his monstrous appearance.
This wasn't right. He could almost feel Cid beaming with happiness beside him. There was no way he was going to let some disrespectful wench disprove his theories.
Rising angrily, Ansem pointed at the girl, demanding, "You, girl! Get away from there!"
"Certainly, your Excellency," she replied, standing. "Just as soon as I free this poor creature."
"Your Excellency", huh? So, he was in a position of power, yet this common girl dared to speak to him in such a way? "You dare to defy me?" he growled. Well, if he had power, he might as well use it. NO ONE treated King Ansem that way. And since Cid currently had no physical form to beat down, he'd have to settle on the disobedient dancer instead. "Guards, arrest her!" he commanded. He grinned smugly as the guards did indeed obey his orders and proceeded to surround the dark-skinned girl.
"Sir, what are you doing?" wondered Cid, casting the King a worried look. "I mean, if you think this is how the part should be played, I guess I can't say anything against it, but..."
Ansem crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow disdainfully at his lowly assistant. "Oh? I don't see anyone else here complaining about how I'm doing things. I think I'm actually starting to like the position I've been thrown into."
And thrown he was. Apparently the girl had put up a fight with the guards, and much chaos had been ensuing while he was gloating to Cid. Two horsemen holding a long bar between them had come racing towards his seat, effectively toppling the entire complex as they passed. Ansem was knocked completely over and buried under a tent as the girl made her escape, the idiot horsemen in pursuit.
Ansem felt like he'd lost all sanity as he pulled himself out from under the offending tarp. He didn't understand why, but an unspeakable rage was building, quenching all logical thought. He'd never felt himself lose control like this. It was as if... something had been keeping it sealed up, but had been removed.
Looking into his hands, he noticed he was holding a poofy, black hat with a red ribbon attached to it. He vaguely remembered the sensation of something being on his head before, so assumed that this was indeed supposed to be his hat. As soon as he put it on, logical thought came rushing back to him. Odd.
Deciding to perform a small experiment, Ansem tentatively removed the hat. For no logical reason, he felt his sanity start to slip away. Upon replacing the hat, he returned to his normal, calm state. Fascinating. He wondered if he'd have enough time in this world to fully study the effects of this strange hat. Best to keep it on, though.
On to more important matters, he still needed to find that insolent girl. She had said impudence to him, and that was impudence. He noticed that his gold-armored guard had entered the cathedral. There was probably a reason for this besides an afternoon prayer, so he decided to follow and investigate.
Sure enough, his well-to-do golden guard had apparently cornered the dancer girl within the cathedral. "Good work," he commended his underling. "Now hand her over to me."
"I can't do that, sir. She claims sanctuary," replied the guard, ever-so-respectfully.
Ansem, on the other hand, didn't care if she claimed government asylum. "Just drag her outside, and--"
"Frollo, you will not touch her!" came a stern voice. The cathedral's archdeacon rounded the corner and shooed the guards out of his holy place. He put a hand on the girl's shoulder and commented, "Don't worry. Judge Frollo learned long ago to respect the sanctity of the church."
'Judge Frollo respects the sanctity of the church,' Ansem mimicked to himself mockingly under his breath. Well, he wasn't Frollo, so he didn't care! True, he was supposed to be acting the part, but... Oh well, Cid was probably wrong about that, too.
Ansem turned away from the archdeacon and noticed a mirror on a pillar near the cathedral's door. Curious as to what he looked like in this form (and sincerely hoping it was better than Kefka), he made his way towards the door. Thinking he was leaving, the archdeacon turned his attention elsewhere.
"I'm an old guy?!" Ansem spluttered, finally close enough to make out details about himself. He had no arguments about his attire, though. Flowing black robes were definitely more his style than that gaudy green cape. True, the hat was a tad much, but he'd realized that it held some special power over his mind.
Turning away from the mirror, he noticed that the archdeacon had vanished, and the insolent girl had her back to him. Eeeexcellent. Ansem crept up behind her and wrenched her arm behind her back. This Frollo guy may have been old, but Ansem's own physical strength seemed to stay with him regardless of his body.
Well, he had her. Now what? He hadn't really thought that through. If he didn't do something, the girl would probably start thinking he was just trying to feel her up. While the thought had crossed his mind for a fleeting second, he simply whispered into her ear, "You're lucky I don't kill you. But I'm feeling merciful today." With that, he released her and made his way towards the door. He could almost feel her confused stare piercing the back of his neck. No matter. He had other things to investigate.
"Kairiiiii, where are we going?" Sora whined for the twentieth time. Being the "strong males", he and Riku had been forced to carry backpacks that were twice their size and three times as heavy. "What kinda stuff's packed in these, anyway?"
Kairi spun on her heel and held up a warning finger. "Look, this could possibly end up being a really long... adventure... so we need to make sure we've got all the essentials!"
"Uh huh," said Riku, unshouldering his pack, letting it fall to the ground with an earth-shattering THUD. He unzipped it and burrowed through its contents. After about two seconds of sifting, he unearthed what appeared to be a television set. "Umm... why exactly are we bringing THIS along?"
"Duh!" said Kairi, cursing to herself at the stupidity of the male race. "I always watch the Saturday morning cartoons! The best way to keep healthy is to keep a routine! Sora's pack has a generator, antenna, and 500 AA batteries, so don't try to tell me it won't work!"
Sora fell over, and to this day, no one was ever certain whether it was due to the contents of this revelation or his backpack itself. Either way, he moaned, "So, is there any food in there?"
Kairi crossed her arms. "You're men! Why waste space carrying food when you can hunt and gather?"
"You mean kill stuff?" said Sora, dumbfounded. He detached himself from his backpack and staggered forward, readjusting his balance due to the sudden lack of the ridiculous counterweight. "But, Kairi, I never killed anything here."
"I'm sure it can't be that hard," said Riku, searching through the bushes. "Actually, wilderness survival sounds like my kind of thing. If you don't feel right killing stuff for food, then you can gather berries or something. I'll -- aha!"
Riku leapt back as a squirrel scurried out of the bushes. With practiced precision, he smacked the squirrel with his wooden sword. The squirrel was dazed momentarily, allowing Riku to execute a combo move on it. The finishing swipe ended the fuzzy creature's life, and it exploded into a pile of little green balls.
Now, the three children weren't too terribly familiar with death and all, but figured that this sort of thing was normal. Sora walked over to the pile of glowing green balls and poked at one with a stick. "So... can we eat these?"
"If they come from an animal, you must be able to," commented Riku, picking one up. His eyes widened in shock as the glowing green ball absorbed into his skin a moment later, leaving a dull glow on his hand for a while. Strangely, it made him feel better, in a weird sort of way.
"Really? Cool!" exclaimed Sora, plucking up a ball and stuffing it into his mouth.
Kairi flinched at the boys' crudeness. "Eeew, you're eating them RAW?" She made a motion to roll up her sleeve, even though she didn't have sleeves. "Okay, it's time for some girl power! Stand back and let Kairi, master chef, prepare these into something more palatable."
Sora swallowed the ball and looked blankly at her, not arguing. The things tasted like celery, with maybe a hint of apple, and had a metallic aftertaste. Hopefully if she cooked them, she could make them taste better.
A few hours later, Kairi had an HP ball soup at a rolling boil over a fire. Sora had found a couple of coconuts, and Riku had contributed some bird's eggs. While the coconuts and eggs were a pleasant addition, the soup itself just tasted like hot water. Nevertheless, the children felt their strength return, even if their stomachs weren't full.
"Such a mysterious world," Riku commented, lying on his back. "Even though we've lived here all our lives, I never knew that animals carried little green balls that make you strong when you touch them." He rolled over and looked over at Sora, who had neglected to bring a sleeping bag and was currently trying to find a comfortable spot inside his oversized backpack. "I wanna know what else is out there. We've lived cooped up for too long."
"Hm? Hmmm," replied Sora, only half-listening, dumping about five dozen batteries out of the backpack to make room for his body. Once he was comfortably settled amongst the metallic capsules of reactive acid, he replied, "Well, Kairi's just tryin' to go home."
Riku propped his chin on his hand and queried, "Why do you think that?"
"Cuz Kairi came from the sky!" Sora replied excitedly. "When you look out across the ground, there's a place where the ground and sky touch! We've been moving towards that, so we must be going towards where you can get to the sky!"
Riku's head lost its balance on his arm, and he found himself enjoying a late-night snack of dirt. Sora's childish and innocent logic never ceased to amaze him. And worry him about the future of humanity, if this was the kind of person the world would be inheriting.
Ansem stood in a large room, empty save for some benches stacked in the corner. It was lit solely by a giant fireplace on one wall, casting eerie shadows all around. However, this fireplace was not currently the object of Ansem's attention. He stood firmly, determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. He had to be strong. He had to be quick-witted. Or it would spell disaster.
Taking a deep breath, Ansem slowly and carefully... removed his hat. Such a power that could keep his sanity in check needed to be studied. However, studying it required removing it. He figured a large, empty room had few enough distractions to slow the process towards insanity.
Unfortunately, the fireplace was enough of a distraction. As soon as he turned his attention away from the hat in his hands, he became fixated on the flames, letting the hat fall to the ground with a soft thump.
It was too late. The lack of hat alone was enough to skew his mind. He began seeing strange figures taking shape in the flame. Some resembled birds, while others, strangely, started looking like that insolent dancer girl. Ah, the dancer girl. She was lovely. He wanted to kill her. He wanted to smite her and grind her to dust. He wanted to burn her to ashes.
Such homicidal thoughts were not usually part of Ansem's routine, but his hatlessness had gotten the better of him. This was one trippy experience, as giant demonic creatures rose from the fire and encircled him, demanding he give them cheese. Ansem didn't have any cheese! He clutched his head as he began degenerating further into madness.
The hat. He needed to put the hat back on. Groggily, he searched around the room, until he half-focused on a fuzzy black and red shape on the floor behind him. Hat? His brain seemed to no longer even register the word "hat".
He reached for it, futilely. The serious vertigo brought on by the hallucinations overloaded his brain when he made this sudden movement. Upon overload, his brain simply shut down, leaving him falling towards the floor. Falling... falling... falling still...
He was on the floor. There was fire all around him. However, the cloudiness in his head had begun to subside. Absently, he felt his head and noted that there was no hat there. Perhaps he had defeated the control of the hat?
Sitting up, Ansem noticed that he was no longer in his empty room. The fire around him glowed blue rather than red, and was arranged in a circle of torches. He held his head and got to his feet, surveying his new surroundings. Logic returned to him, and he surmised he must have "leaped" again into another new world, another new body.
Save for the blue torches encircling him, this room was dark and empty. He could vaguely make out the image of a statue in front of him, beyond the circle, but paid it little mind. He supposed the best thing to do in this situation was wait for someone to come to him.
It didn't take long. The metallic "clink" of a sword behind him drew his attention. He turned, and for a moment, was sure he was tripping out again. There stood a frog, clothed in armor and a green cape, sword drawn and looking at him menacingly.
Ansem blinked groggily and hung his head, muttering, "Oh boy."
Um, yay. The whole "Frollo's hat" thing is just a kind of dumb joke some of my friends and I noticed after watching "Hunchback of Notre Dame" too many times. We all loved to pick on Frollo, and noticed that he tended to go crazy whenever he was missing his hat. Note the fireplace scene. Note the ending. Case closed.