**Hello my patient readers. Please accept my deepest apologies for the long
wait. Also, I apologize in advance for the unevenness of the next few
installments of this story. I have a practically non-existent attention
span when it comes to writing and am always rearranging things-so please
let me know if something is missing or seems out of place. As always, I
love feedback so feed away. Thanks!**
Grace sat on the edge of the bathtub and held her hands over her ears to block out Jessie's voice from outside. "Come on Grace," she pleaded, knocking on the door "Will you please let me in?" "Go away!" Grace yelled, wishing Jessie would fracture her fragile hand on the door and leave her alone. "I'm sorry, Grace, how many times do I have to say it before you believe me?" "None, because I never will!" Jessie groaned. "I told you it was an accident, it just slipped out! I never meant to say anything." Grace got up from the bathtub and threw open the bathroom door. Jessie stood looking at her desperately, her face streaked with tears. But Grace felt no sympathy for Jessie this time; instead she glared at her with the cruelest look she could manage and said "Well what if I just accidentally told your dad the real reason you spend so much time at Katie's house?" The sadness in Jessie's eyes turned to hatred. "You wouldn't!" "Wouldn't I?" They stared each other in silence for several seconds, each waiting for the other to back down. Neither dared to breath until Zoe came running up the stairs and toward the bathroom. "What's going on?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. Jessie turned and ran up to the attic and Grace went to her room and slammed the door, her jaw and her fists both clenched in fury. She grabbed her Chekov book from the dresser and threw it against the wall, watching it fall face down onto a pile of laundry. She could hear Jessie sobbing upstairs and for a minute her face softened. She knew it wasn't really Jessie's fault that Lily had followed her to Mr. Dimitri's house; her mom would've found out one way or another, without Jessie's help. Still, she didn't think Jessie would mention the poetry reading to anyone, least of all Lily. But she had to admit to herself that she wasn't really angry at Jessie at all. What really infuriated her was that her mom didn't trust her enough to think she wouldn't go after Mr. Dimitri after all this time just because Jessie happened to say that he would be reading his poetry at a bookstore later that night. Lily hadn't thought twice about it, as if to make up for all of her past negligence in one fell swoop. She grabbed her coat and Rick's car keys and was out the door before Jessie could do anything to stop her.
And the worst part for Grace wasn't that she was in trouble again but that she was in trouble for no reason. She'd been a coward, had left him a letter that wasn't even a letter and driven off before he could figure out she was there, and now she wasn't allowed to leave the house unsupervised for three weeks. She laughed bitterly to herself. She felt like her life had become a perpetual joke without a punch-line-and all because she'd been trying to do the right thing, to get a sense of closure. "You've been seeing him all along, haven't you?" Lily had asked her in the garage when they both got back.
"What?!" Grace had exclaimed, almost laughing. "How can you say that after.after everything?"
"Just answer me, Grace."
Grace looked at Lily quietly for a moment. Lily's face had grown longer, more sallow after the miscarriage; she looked so tired, almost on the brink of surrendering. Grace felt a pang of pity for her, suddenly. "No, Mom" she said softly, looking away. "I haven't." Lily put a hand on Grace's shoulder and tucked her hair behind her ear. She sighed. "Look, Gracie."
Grace cringed. She hadn't heard that name in ages. The words "Don't be Gracie, be in a state of Grace" flitted involuntarily through her mind. She had stopped fighting them, just let the ghosts pass through as they wished.
"I know it's been a tough time for everyone, and I know this year has been hard on you especially-"
"Mom-"
"I mean, I know you must miss-"
Grace put her hands up, her face growing hot. "Mom please. I don't miss.anybody." She pulled off her scarf, looked at it. "I just..had to do something, you know, for..closure or something." Lily smiled faintly and sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry..I don't mean to be so.suspicious. This isn't me!" "I know, Mom. But I just.." "It's just, Gracie-you can't just leave like that without telling anyone." "I know, but I really need-" "I mean, I had no idea where you were or what you were doing and lately you've been so quiet--" "Mom--" "It's like no one knows where you are even when you're here and sometimes-" "Mom!" Lily broke out of her trance and finally turned to look at Grace. "I just..need you to trust me, okay?" Lily was silent. "Please?" "Just tell me one thing." "What?" "That letter-was that-I mean-what I mean to say is-" She ran her fingers through her hair, placed her hands on her temples as if to hold her mind in one place. "I just-thought all of that was behind us and now you're going to his house and-" Grace looked at the door, longing for escape. "I mean-how am I supposed to trust you?" "I guess..by knowing that I know better than I did a year ago." "But do you?" "Yeah. Yeah I do." "Because you're almost eighteen now and I can't tell you-" Oh god no no no, Grace thought, frantically searching for ways to steer the conversation in a different direction. This couldn't be happening, not now. "Mom, please" she headed for the door. "Gracie! We have to talk about this!" "No. We don't." She put her hands over her ears and ran into the house, imagining him sitting on the recliner in the living room, smiling knowingly at her, as always amused.
Grace sat on the edge of the bathtub and held her hands over her ears to block out Jessie's voice from outside. "Come on Grace," she pleaded, knocking on the door "Will you please let me in?" "Go away!" Grace yelled, wishing Jessie would fracture her fragile hand on the door and leave her alone. "I'm sorry, Grace, how many times do I have to say it before you believe me?" "None, because I never will!" Jessie groaned. "I told you it was an accident, it just slipped out! I never meant to say anything." Grace got up from the bathtub and threw open the bathroom door. Jessie stood looking at her desperately, her face streaked with tears. But Grace felt no sympathy for Jessie this time; instead she glared at her with the cruelest look she could manage and said "Well what if I just accidentally told your dad the real reason you spend so much time at Katie's house?" The sadness in Jessie's eyes turned to hatred. "You wouldn't!" "Wouldn't I?" They stared each other in silence for several seconds, each waiting for the other to back down. Neither dared to breath until Zoe came running up the stairs and toward the bathroom. "What's going on?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. Jessie turned and ran up to the attic and Grace went to her room and slammed the door, her jaw and her fists both clenched in fury. She grabbed her Chekov book from the dresser and threw it against the wall, watching it fall face down onto a pile of laundry. She could hear Jessie sobbing upstairs and for a minute her face softened. She knew it wasn't really Jessie's fault that Lily had followed her to Mr. Dimitri's house; her mom would've found out one way or another, without Jessie's help. Still, she didn't think Jessie would mention the poetry reading to anyone, least of all Lily. But she had to admit to herself that she wasn't really angry at Jessie at all. What really infuriated her was that her mom didn't trust her enough to think she wouldn't go after Mr. Dimitri after all this time just because Jessie happened to say that he would be reading his poetry at a bookstore later that night. Lily hadn't thought twice about it, as if to make up for all of her past negligence in one fell swoop. She grabbed her coat and Rick's car keys and was out the door before Jessie could do anything to stop her.
And the worst part for Grace wasn't that she was in trouble again but that she was in trouble for no reason. She'd been a coward, had left him a letter that wasn't even a letter and driven off before he could figure out she was there, and now she wasn't allowed to leave the house unsupervised for three weeks. She laughed bitterly to herself. She felt like her life had become a perpetual joke without a punch-line-and all because she'd been trying to do the right thing, to get a sense of closure. "You've been seeing him all along, haven't you?" Lily had asked her in the garage when they both got back.
"What?!" Grace had exclaimed, almost laughing. "How can you say that after.after everything?"
"Just answer me, Grace."
Grace looked at Lily quietly for a moment. Lily's face had grown longer, more sallow after the miscarriage; she looked so tired, almost on the brink of surrendering. Grace felt a pang of pity for her, suddenly. "No, Mom" she said softly, looking away. "I haven't." Lily put a hand on Grace's shoulder and tucked her hair behind her ear. She sighed. "Look, Gracie."
Grace cringed. She hadn't heard that name in ages. The words "Don't be Gracie, be in a state of Grace" flitted involuntarily through her mind. She had stopped fighting them, just let the ghosts pass through as they wished.
"I know it's been a tough time for everyone, and I know this year has been hard on you especially-"
"Mom-"
"I mean, I know you must miss-"
Grace put her hands up, her face growing hot. "Mom please. I don't miss.anybody." She pulled off her scarf, looked at it. "I just..had to do something, you know, for..closure or something." Lily smiled faintly and sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry..I don't mean to be so.suspicious. This isn't me!" "I know, Mom. But I just.." "It's just, Gracie-you can't just leave like that without telling anyone." "I know, but I really need-" "I mean, I had no idea where you were or what you were doing and lately you've been so quiet--" "Mom--" "It's like no one knows where you are even when you're here and sometimes-" "Mom!" Lily broke out of her trance and finally turned to look at Grace. "I just..need you to trust me, okay?" Lily was silent. "Please?" "Just tell me one thing." "What?" "That letter-was that-I mean-what I mean to say is-" She ran her fingers through her hair, placed her hands on her temples as if to hold her mind in one place. "I just-thought all of that was behind us and now you're going to his house and-" Grace looked at the door, longing for escape. "I mean-how am I supposed to trust you?" "I guess..by knowing that I know better than I did a year ago." "But do you?" "Yeah. Yeah I do." "Because you're almost eighteen now and I can't tell you-" Oh god no no no, Grace thought, frantically searching for ways to steer the conversation in a different direction. This couldn't be happening, not now. "Mom, please" she headed for the door. "Gracie! We have to talk about this!" "No. We don't." She put her hands over her ears and ran into the house, imagining him sitting on the recliner in the living room, smiling knowingly at her, as always amused.