I'm on my third glass of JD, and already I'm feeling the effects. Jezz...no wonder Jack calls me a cheap date. I can feel the warmth of the whiskey spreading through my body, that familiar trail of fire working it's way down my throat with every gulp I take. Comforting me. As I look across at Jack, I am suddenly very aware of the fact that he intends to get me very drunk. He has the evil look in his eyes that is always there when he suggest a 'quick, quiet drink' after a particularly bad day. Sighing I reach again for my glass and glance vaguely around the crowded bar. I see her as she walks in the door and I freeze. Literally. The glass is mid way between the table and my mouth and I know that Jack is looking at me.
I stare...unable to look away. I can't remember a time when I've seen her looking so relaxed...so beautiful. Inwardly I groan as I realize this is not helping my current situation. The number of times I've tried to talk myself out of my feelings, the number of times I've convinced myself that this is oh so not a good idea, the number of times I've laid awake at night - wishing to hold her, to feel her breath across my skin, to feel her body against mine. I look away quickly and take a long drink from my glass. I can hear the soft sigh that escapes my lips as I feel that nice burn down my throat.
"Ready for another?" Jack is waving my glass in front of my face. I'm not that drunk. I can still see the damn glass, it doesn't need to be that close. I impatiently push Jack's hand and the glass out of my face and nod.
"Sure...I'll get them. Sam again?"
"Um Daniel...." Jack is looking at me curiously. What have I done now?
"What?"
"Don't you mean - same again?" He's got the amused look on his face. The one that suggests he knows something I don't. The one that drives me insane and makes me want to strangle him.
"No - Sam again!" I point vaguely across the bar in her general direction and thank god that I'm still sober enough to be able to dig myself out of a hole when needed. I watch as Jack turns and make my exit from the booth. That was close. Too damn close. I need to get a hold of my feelings and thoughts. I mumble a few apologies as I make my way to the bar, as far away from her as possible. This was not good. I nod as the bar maid mouths 'Same again' and wait patiently to be served. I'm well aware of the looks I'm getting from quite a few women also waiting at the bar, so I try to ignore them and stare intently at the optics on the wall.
"You look like you need rescuing." A gentle voice sounds in my ear, accompanied by the familiar feel of her hand on my shoulder. Does she know how her voice effects me now? I can feel her breath on my neck, gently caressing it like I know she never would. I'm blushing. I know I'm blushing. God Jackson...get a grip!
"Um...hey Sam." I plaster a smile on my face and turn to her, hoping to convince her that I really am fine. The fake smile I wear if quickly replaced by a genuine one as I see several women pull disappointed faces, obviously thinking that I'm taken. Normally I would appreciate this type of gesture from Sam, but not tonight. Tonight...I want to meet someone. I'm sick of waking up alone. I'm sick of being alone. I need to feel loved even if it is only for one night.
"Daniel...are you alright?" I'm aware that I'm staring at her lips as she speaks to me. I'm imagining those lips on mine. Imagining them trailing down my neck. Imagining...
"Two large JD's on the rocks." I turn, grateful to the bar maid for the welcome interruption. I pay her and tell her to keep the change. I need to get back to that booth, back to Jack pointing out all the woman he'd like to...
"Daniel?" I can hear the concern in her voice now.
I shrug slightly. "Sorry Sam...Jack will think I've got lost if I don't get back to him." I try not to notice the rejection in her eyes as I head back over to the booth with the drinks, without inviting her to join us. I place Jack's drink infront of him and take my seat again.
"Where's Carter?" There's a distinctly hopeful note in Jack's voice.
I wave my hand vaguely in her direction. "Over there somewhere..."
"You didn't ask her to join us?"
"No." Oh how I want to. Oh how I want to ask her so much. Tell her so much. And oh how I need to get blindly drunk and forget. Forget my feelings for her. Forget the dreams I have about her. Forget the way in which Jack looks at her. Just...forget....
I down my drink in one and stare at the empty glass, as if I can find the answers to all my problems there. I hear Jack get up, mumbling something about another round. I follow his progress to the bar and watch as he sidles up beside Sam, gently laying a hand on her arm. Now there is a different burning inside me. Anger. Jealously. Why should he be happy and not me? What is it about Jack that's got Sam so besotted? I watch as he orders the drinks and engages in conversation with her. I'm not sure whether it's the drink, but I could swear that she's not talking back to him, just nodding, as if politely declining the conversation. As I continue to look at her, I see her take one of the drinks that Jack is holding and start to make her way towards me. Quickly I glance away, but it's no use. If I don't get out of here soon, I am going to do something stupid. Something so utterly unforgivable...I don't even want to think about it.
She places the glass down on the table infront of me and takes Jack's seat. "Here you go."
I smile up at her and down the drink. "Thanks Sam...but I really should be going." I grab my jacket and make my way out of the bar. I can hear her calling my name, but I blindly concentrate on getting outside. I pull out my cellphone and call a cab. As I finish the call I hear the music from the bar as the door opens.
"Daniel?" She comes to stand infront of me and the look of concern in her eyes, and the worry written across her face is almost my undoing. "Have I done something to offend you?"
Oh god Sam. I'm trying so hard to deny what I'm feeling. I'm trying not to let you see because I know that you don't feel the same. And in the process I'm pushing you away, making you think you've done something wrong. "No...you..." I concentrate hard and getting the words out. I'm slurring...I know I am. "...haven't done...anything."
"Daniel...you're drunk."
Yes I know I am Sam. And I only wish I'd had more to drink. It would make this so much easier. As I look into her eyes I lose all sense of control. All I know is I need her. I need to hold her. I need to kiss her. I need to show her, how very much she means to me. I lean over and place my hand on the back of her neck and draw her into a kiss. I softly brush my lips over hers and feel the resistance as she realizes what I'm doing. I know I should stop. Really I do. But I can't. I gasp slightly as she pushes me gently away. I feel empty. I don't want to let go of her but she doesn't give me a choice as she pushes me gently into the back of the cab and gives the driver my address.
"Sam...I'm sorry..I..." can't finish my sentence as her lips have captured mine. I moan softly as her tongue runs over my bottom lip and then gently parts them, allowing her entrance. As taken aback as I am, I return her kiss. I run my hand over her thigh and gently move it to rest on her waist. All I'm aware of are her hands, one resting on my neck, gently fingering my hair and the other around my back, gently tracing circles on my spine. As she breaks the kiss, I give in to my thoughts and softly trace a line from her lips, along her jaw to her neck. I lean forward and place soft kisses all along her neck, down to her shoulder.
"Oh Daniel." Her voice is so soft and low. How many times have I dreamed of her calling my name like this? How many times have I dreamt that she returned my feelings, that when I looked into her eyes, I just saw a world of love and trust? She arches her back slightly as I let my hand run gently over her spine.
I look over her shoulder and realize that we're driving down my road. Reluctantly I pull away from her and smile. There, in her shining eyes, I see all my feelings reflected back at me. The smile on her face tells me that she feels the same.
"Can I take you on somewhere Ma'am?" I take out some money from my wallet and pay the driver, tipping him as well.
"No...she's coming with me." My voice has gone husky and I notice as I get out of the cab that Sam hasn't protested. The warmth of her hand brings me back to reality as her fingers entwine in mine, and we walk up to my apartment together. I unlock the door and flick the light switch on, waiting for Sam to enter the apartment. As I lock the door, she flicks the light off. The room is dark and faint strands of moonlight filter through the curtains.
"Let your senses guide you." She whispers in my ear as her lips trail kisses down my neck, gently biting my collarbone. I stand completely still as her hands push my jacket off my shoulders and as it lands on the floor with a thud, her lips cover mine again. Gone is the softness of before, her kiss is more urgent, hungry. As much as I want this, the rational part of my brain begins to kick in.
"Sam." I can bearly hear my voice. "Sam...stop!"
She pulls back and looks at me. "Stop?" Oh boy do I feel sober all of a sudden.
"I went to that bar tonight.....for two reasons. To get drunk and to find someone to bring home." I can see the shock on her face as she realizes what I'm saying. "...but not you. I don't want this from you. I can't do this with you."
"Do what to me Daniel?"
"Have a one night stand...wake up in the morning and pretend like it never happened."
"That's what you think this is?" Her shy smile stirred the emotions I was fighting hard to remain in control with. "Do you know how long I've wanted this?" I groan with pleasure as her hands reach under my shirt and trace a path over my hips, up my back and down my spine. Her nails catch me as she brings her hands round to the front and starts to undo the buttons. "This is not a one night stand Daniel...this..." she pushes the shirt of my back. "...this is your wake up call!"
*-*
I have the hangover from hell. I don't need to open my eyes to know that brilliant sunlight is shining on my face. I don't need to open my eyes to know that I'm not alone in my bed. I don't need to open my eyes to know that Sam's naked body is curled up beside me. But I do need to open my eyes to know if there's regret in those blue eyes I love so much.
So I open my eyes and blink, allowing myself to become accustomed to the light. I shift slightly to try and see her face, but she's awake. She moves back and lifts herself up onto one elbow. She's smiling as she looks down at me,
"Hi."
She giggles softly. "You speak over 26 languages....hi?"
Ok. So I'm not a morning person. Sam knows that. I moan softly and stretch out. I remember the night before. They say the dream is always better than reality...well I have to disagree with that one. I could never have begun to imagine how she would make me feel. The slight pressure of her body resting against mine as we kissed...the feelings she invoked in me, I don't want to lose this. I don't want to screw this up.
"...Sam...about last night...."
"I love you Daniel....I have for a long time...I wanted to tell you...but I didn't want the rejection...when I saw you last night...well...I'm afraid I took advantage...I wanted you to know..."
I smile broadly at her and lean upwards to kiss her. "....I love you too...I've wanted this for so long...I thought you loved Jack...didn't think I stood a chance..."
"..so where does this leave us?"
I pull her down into my arms. "..at the beginning of a beautiful journey Sam. And I promise, I will make it one incredible journey."
The End
I stare...unable to look away. I can't remember a time when I've seen her looking so relaxed...so beautiful. Inwardly I groan as I realize this is not helping my current situation. The number of times I've tried to talk myself out of my feelings, the number of times I've convinced myself that this is oh so not a good idea, the number of times I've laid awake at night - wishing to hold her, to feel her breath across my skin, to feel her body against mine. I look away quickly and take a long drink from my glass. I can hear the soft sigh that escapes my lips as I feel that nice burn down my throat.
"Ready for another?" Jack is waving my glass in front of my face. I'm not that drunk. I can still see the damn glass, it doesn't need to be that close. I impatiently push Jack's hand and the glass out of my face and nod.
"Sure...I'll get them. Sam again?"
"Um Daniel...." Jack is looking at me curiously. What have I done now?
"What?"
"Don't you mean - same again?" He's got the amused look on his face. The one that suggests he knows something I don't. The one that drives me insane and makes me want to strangle him.
"No - Sam again!" I point vaguely across the bar in her general direction and thank god that I'm still sober enough to be able to dig myself out of a hole when needed. I watch as Jack turns and make my exit from the booth. That was close. Too damn close. I need to get a hold of my feelings and thoughts. I mumble a few apologies as I make my way to the bar, as far away from her as possible. This was not good. I nod as the bar maid mouths 'Same again' and wait patiently to be served. I'm well aware of the looks I'm getting from quite a few women also waiting at the bar, so I try to ignore them and stare intently at the optics on the wall.
"You look like you need rescuing." A gentle voice sounds in my ear, accompanied by the familiar feel of her hand on my shoulder. Does she know how her voice effects me now? I can feel her breath on my neck, gently caressing it like I know she never would. I'm blushing. I know I'm blushing. God Jackson...get a grip!
"Um...hey Sam." I plaster a smile on my face and turn to her, hoping to convince her that I really am fine. The fake smile I wear if quickly replaced by a genuine one as I see several women pull disappointed faces, obviously thinking that I'm taken. Normally I would appreciate this type of gesture from Sam, but not tonight. Tonight...I want to meet someone. I'm sick of waking up alone. I'm sick of being alone. I need to feel loved even if it is only for one night.
"Daniel...are you alright?" I'm aware that I'm staring at her lips as she speaks to me. I'm imagining those lips on mine. Imagining them trailing down my neck. Imagining...
"Two large JD's on the rocks." I turn, grateful to the bar maid for the welcome interruption. I pay her and tell her to keep the change. I need to get back to that booth, back to Jack pointing out all the woman he'd like to...
"Daniel?" I can hear the concern in her voice now.
I shrug slightly. "Sorry Sam...Jack will think I've got lost if I don't get back to him." I try not to notice the rejection in her eyes as I head back over to the booth with the drinks, without inviting her to join us. I place Jack's drink infront of him and take my seat again.
"Where's Carter?" There's a distinctly hopeful note in Jack's voice.
I wave my hand vaguely in her direction. "Over there somewhere..."
"You didn't ask her to join us?"
"No." Oh how I want to. Oh how I want to ask her so much. Tell her so much. And oh how I need to get blindly drunk and forget. Forget my feelings for her. Forget the dreams I have about her. Forget the way in which Jack looks at her. Just...forget....
I down my drink in one and stare at the empty glass, as if I can find the answers to all my problems there. I hear Jack get up, mumbling something about another round. I follow his progress to the bar and watch as he sidles up beside Sam, gently laying a hand on her arm. Now there is a different burning inside me. Anger. Jealously. Why should he be happy and not me? What is it about Jack that's got Sam so besotted? I watch as he orders the drinks and engages in conversation with her. I'm not sure whether it's the drink, but I could swear that she's not talking back to him, just nodding, as if politely declining the conversation. As I continue to look at her, I see her take one of the drinks that Jack is holding and start to make her way towards me. Quickly I glance away, but it's no use. If I don't get out of here soon, I am going to do something stupid. Something so utterly unforgivable...I don't even want to think about it.
She places the glass down on the table infront of me and takes Jack's seat. "Here you go."
I smile up at her and down the drink. "Thanks Sam...but I really should be going." I grab my jacket and make my way out of the bar. I can hear her calling my name, but I blindly concentrate on getting outside. I pull out my cellphone and call a cab. As I finish the call I hear the music from the bar as the door opens.
"Daniel?" She comes to stand infront of me and the look of concern in her eyes, and the worry written across her face is almost my undoing. "Have I done something to offend you?"
Oh god Sam. I'm trying so hard to deny what I'm feeling. I'm trying not to let you see because I know that you don't feel the same. And in the process I'm pushing you away, making you think you've done something wrong. "No...you..." I concentrate hard and getting the words out. I'm slurring...I know I am. "...haven't done...anything."
"Daniel...you're drunk."
Yes I know I am Sam. And I only wish I'd had more to drink. It would make this so much easier. As I look into her eyes I lose all sense of control. All I know is I need her. I need to hold her. I need to kiss her. I need to show her, how very much she means to me. I lean over and place my hand on the back of her neck and draw her into a kiss. I softly brush my lips over hers and feel the resistance as she realizes what I'm doing. I know I should stop. Really I do. But I can't. I gasp slightly as she pushes me gently away. I feel empty. I don't want to let go of her but she doesn't give me a choice as she pushes me gently into the back of the cab and gives the driver my address.
"Sam...I'm sorry..I..." can't finish my sentence as her lips have captured mine. I moan softly as her tongue runs over my bottom lip and then gently parts them, allowing her entrance. As taken aback as I am, I return her kiss. I run my hand over her thigh and gently move it to rest on her waist. All I'm aware of are her hands, one resting on my neck, gently fingering my hair and the other around my back, gently tracing circles on my spine. As she breaks the kiss, I give in to my thoughts and softly trace a line from her lips, along her jaw to her neck. I lean forward and place soft kisses all along her neck, down to her shoulder.
"Oh Daniel." Her voice is so soft and low. How many times have I dreamed of her calling my name like this? How many times have I dreamt that she returned my feelings, that when I looked into her eyes, I just saw a world of love and trust? She arches her back slightly as I let my hand run gently over her spine.
I look over her shoulder and realize that we're driving down my road. Reluctantly I pull away from her and smile. There, in her shining eyes, I see all my feelings reflected back at me. The smile on her face tells me that she feels the same.
"Can I take you on somewhere Ma'am?" I take out some money from my wallet and pay the driver, tipping him as well.
"No...she's coming with me." My voice has gone husky and I notice as I get out of the cab that Sam hasn't protested. The warmth of her hand brings me back to reality as her fingers entwine in mine, and we walk up to my apartment together. I unlock the door and flick the light switch on, waiting for Sam to enter the apartment. As I lock the door, she flicks the light off. The room is dark and faint strands of moonlight filter through the curtains.
"Let your senses guide you." She whispers in my ear as her lips trail kisses down my neck, gently biting my collarbone. I stand completely still as her hands push my jacket off my shoulders and as it lands on the floor with a thud, her lips cover mine again. Gone is the softness of before, her kiss is more urgent, hungry. As much as I want this, the rational part of my brain begins to kick in.
"Sam." I can bearly hear my voice. "Sam...stop!"
She pulls back and looks at me. "Stop?" Oh boy do I feel sober all of a sudden.
"I went to that bar tonight.....for two reasons. To get drunk and to find someone to bring home." I can see the shock on her face as she realizes what I'm saying. "...but not you. I don't want this from you. I can't do this with you."
"Do what to me Daniel?"
"Have a one night stand...wake up in the morning and pretend like it never happened."
"That's what you think this is?" Her shy smile stirred the emotions I was fighting hard to remain in control with. "Do you know how long I've wanted this?" I groan with pleasure as her hands reach under my shirt and trace a path over my hips, up my back and down my spine. Her nails catch me as she brings her hands round to the front and starts to undo the buttons. "This is not a one night stand Daniel...this..." she pushes the shirt of my back. "...this is your wake up call!"
*-*
I have the hangover from hell. I don't need to open my eyes to know that brilliant sunlight is shining on my face. I don't need to open my eyes to know that I'm not alone in my bed. I don't need to open my eyes to know that Sam's naked body is curled up beside me. But I do need to open my eyes to know if there's regret in those blue eyes I love so much.
So I open my eyes and blink, allowing myself to become accustomed to the light. I shift slightly to try and see her face, but she's awake. She moves back and lifts herself up onto one elbow. She's smiling as she looks down at me,
"Hi."
She giggles softly. "You speak over 26 languages....hi?"
Ok. So I'm not a morning person. Sam knows that. I moan softly and stretch out. I remember the night before. They say the dream is always better than reality...well I have to disagree with that one. I could never have begun to imagine how she would make me feel. The slight pressure of her body resting against mine as we kissed...the feelings she invoked in me, I don't want to lose this. I don't want to screw this up.
"...Sam...about last night...."
"I love you Daniel....I have for a long time...I wanted to tell you...but I didn't want the rejection...when I saw you last night...well...I'm afraid I took advantage...I wanted you to know..."
I smile broadly at her and lean upwards to kiss her. "....I love you too...I've wanted this for so long...I thought you loved Jack...didn't think I stood a chance..."
"..so where does this leave us?"
I pull her down into my arms. "..at the beginning of a beautiful journey Sam. And I promise, I will make it one incredible journey."
The End