Chapter Three: In Which Mary Sue Is In Intensive Care
Mary Sue was lying in bed, a drip feeding her liquids through her mouth, when Artemis came to visit. Butler wandered off to find a toilet.
While Artemis cried and hugged Mary Sue, Butler found a tank full of yellow liquid. It was just a small tank, around the corner from where Mary Sue was, pipes leading off it around the corner, and complicated valves on it.
Butler made sure no one was looking, and did what he had to do.
Mary Sue lay in bed, the yellow liquid antibiotics seething through the pipe, Artemis next to her, crying. Suddenly she leapt out of bed, spat the pipe out, screamed loudly and began rolling around on the floor, wiping her mouth with the bed sheet, still screaming.
Butler came back around the corner, zipping his trousers up. Artemis screamed and fell to the ground to help Mary Sue. Butler stared around. "What?"
"BUTLER! YOU TWITWIT!" Screamed Artemis. Butler stuck out his tongue. "Well, I am so sorry, Master poo poo."
"Butler." Said Artemis slowly. "Did you eat anything, any pills, perhaps? That you found lying around?" As a matter of fact, I did." Said Butler, as his skin began to turn purple.
Just then a male nurse turned the corner, pushing a heavily laden trolley. "I'M GAY!" Screamed Butler and he began chasing the nurse.
"Note to myself." Said Artemis into a small minidisk recorder. "Keep Butler away from all substances that could have a narcotic effect on him. Yesterday he thought he was a monkey."
The nurse screamed as Butler chased him, yelling "I'M A GAY MONKEY!" At the top of his voice. Artemis sighed.
Mary Sue was now lying, exhausted, on her stomach on the floor The nurse ploughed down the aisle on a direct path toward Mary Sue, seemingly unaware of her presence on the floor in front of his trolley. . Mary Sue screamed, the trolley ran over her, the nurse stepped on her and Butler stepped on her. The thoroughly squashed Mary Sue issued a tiny gargling sound before the process was repeated.
She slowly stood up. The next time the two came round she would mesmerise them, tell them to stop. Unfortunately, Mary Sue had been run over and stepped on twice, and could barely stand. She tried to do it, but the nurse was wearing sunglasses and Butler's face was obscured by the nurse's ridiculous hair do.
The trolley hit her and she was catapulted into the air, and onto a pile of hypodermic needles on the top tray of the trolley. "HOLY CRAPFRICK!" She exclaimed as she yanked a needle out of her butt. The nurse started yelling. "GANGWAY!" Mary Sue gripped the edges of the trolley as tightly as she could, then, with a jolt she realised the nurse wasn't going to turn around.
Ahead of the trolley was a plate glass window, and beyond that, air, fifty seven and one third stories up.
Mary Sue screamed. The nurse stuck his head around hers and screamed, Butler stuck his head around the nurse's and yelled "GOODY!" The nurse planted his feet, but it wasn't enough. The trolley smashed through the plate glass and fell, down, down, down, Butler and the nurse leapt onto the trolley, Mary Sue gripped it, the nurse gripped Mary Sue's dress, and Butler gripped the nurse's hair. Two of the people were screaming. The other was yelling "GOODY!" As loud as he could.
Bob Joe, the cake shop man was placing a new pavlova in the window display of his new shop. He grinned. Good thing he'd had insurance against vehicle damage!
He looked up into the sky, and his smile slowly disappeared. He screamed and ran, then turned, screamed and ran back to the pavlova. He unlocked the sliding window, then looked up into the sky again. You may be thinking, why is this man screaming? Well, you'd be screaming too if a hospital trolley loaded with three people was falling at you.
The trolley hit the man, flipping him up onto it, and onto the needles. He screamed, the trolley crashed through the window, through the pavlova, leaving a huge, trolley/Butler shaped hole in the delicate dessert. Then the trolley and its pavlova covered occupants hit the ground, and slammed into a huge industrial fridge. The fridge sparked once, and exploded. The force did not kill the people, because then the story would end here.
No, the explosion blew them out onto the sloped street. The trolley began to roll down the street at high speed. The cake shop man yanked a needle out of his butt. The trolley ploughed on toward a familiar fruit stand where a familiar man was putting a new pile of bananas in place. He screamed and began to stuff fruit down his shirt. The trolley hit him and he was bounced up on top of Butler's head, where he tried to grip the Eurasian's bald dome, failed, and fell onto the needles.
Meanwhile, just down the street, a familiar and angry man was fixing a blown tire on his bicycle. He was on his way to buy a new car. He looked up, and did not scream, did not move, for when a trolley loaded with four people, all of them covered in squashed bananas and pavlova, one of them purple, seven feet high and screaming "I'M A GAY TOENAIL!" is ploughing at you, you're really at a loss for words.
The trolley hit him, he was flipped up onto the needles and his bike was thrown into the path of a tram. Suddenly all the occupants of the trolley looked up and screamed, except for Butler, who yelled something about being a gay beer can.
The trolley was on a direct collision course for the rear end of a semi trailer loaded with chickens.
Butler applied some stolen lipstick, the trolley hit a huge bump, the lipstick went all over Butler's face, and the trolley was launched into the air, up, up, up, over the gate on the back of the truck, and into the back. The trolley hit ground, causing chickens to flee, the wheels broke off , the trays collapsed and the entire frame split apart at the welds, creating a mess of twisted metal. Butler grabbed the nurse and began kissing him while the chickens began to peck at Mary Sue and pull bits of her hair out.
Artemis drove his car up beside the truck and pulled the drive over just as a chicken ripped one of Butler's nose hairs out. "YEOUCHIES!" Screamed Butler. He leapt into the air and came down on top of a chicken. The chicken gave a weak gargle and bit Butler's butt.
Artemis and Butler drove Mary Sue back to her hotel apartment where Artemis gave her a tiny peck on the cheek and they left.
Mary Sue was lying in bed, a drip feeding her liquids through her mouth, when Artemis came to visit. Butler wandered off to find a toilet.
While Artemis cried and hugged Mary Sue, Butler found a tank full of yellow liquid. It was just a small tank, around the corner from where Mary Sue was, pipes leading off it around the corner, and complicated valves on it.
Butler made sure no one was looking, and did what he had to do.
Mary Sue lay in bed, the yellow liquid antibiotics seething through the pipe, Artemis next to her, crying. Suddenly she leapt out of bed, spat the pipe out, screamed loudly and began rolling around on the floor, wiping her mouth with the bed sheet, still screaming.
Butler came back around the corner, zipping his trousers up. Artemis screamed and fell to the ground to help Mary Sue. Butler stared around. "What?"
"BUTLER! YOU TWITWIT!" Screamed Artemis. Butler stuck out his tongue. "Well, I am so sorry, Master poo poo."
"Butler." Said Artemis slowly. "Did you eat anything, any pills, perhaps? That you found lying around?" As a matter of fact, I did." Said Butler, as his skin began to turn purple.
Just then a male nurse turned the corner, pushing a heavily laden trolley. "I'M GAY!" Screamed Butler and he began chasing the nurse.
"Note to myself." Said Artemis into a small minidisk recorder. "Keep Butler away from all substances that could have a narcotic effect on him. Yesterday he thought he was a monkey."
The nurse screamed as Butler chased him, yelling "I'M A GAY MONKEY!" At the top of his voice. Artemis sighed.
Mary Sue was now lying, exhausted, on her stomach on the floor The nurse ploughed down the aisle on a direct path toward Mary Sue, seemingly unaware of her presence on the floor in front of his trolley. . Mary Sue screamed, the trolley ran over her, the nurse stepped on her and Butler stepped on her. The thoroughly squashed Mary Sue issued a tiny gargling sound before the process was repeated.
She slowly stood up. The next time the two came round she would mesmerise them, tell them to stop. Unfortunately, Mary Sue had been run over and stepped on twice, and could barely stand. She tried to do it, but the nurse was wearing sunglasses and Butler's face was obscured by the nurse's ridiculous hair do.
The trolley hit her and she was catapulted into the air, and onto a pile of hypodermic needles on the top tray of the trolley. "HOLY CRAPFRICK!" She exclaimed as she yanked a needle out of her butt. The nurse started yelling. "GANGWAY!" Mary Sue gripped the edges of the trolley as tightly as she could, then, with a jolt she realised the nurse wasn't going to turn around.
Ahead of the trolley was a plate glass window, and beyond that, air, fifty seven and one third stories up.
Mary Sue screamed. The nurse stuck his head around hers and screamed, Butler stuck his head around the nurse's and yelled "GOODY!" The nurse planted his feet, but it wasn't enough. The trolley smashed through the plate glass and fell, down, down, down, Butler and the nurse leapt onto the trolley, Mary Sue gripped it, the nurse gripped Mary Sue's dress, and Butler gripped the nurse's hair. Two of the people were screaming. The other was yelling "GOODY!" As loud as he could.
Bob Joe, the cake shop man was placing a new pavlova in the window display of his new shop. He grinned. Good thing he'd had insurance against vehicle damage!
He looked up into the sky, and his smile slowly disappeared. He screamed and ran, then turned, screamed and ran back to the pavlova. He unlocked the sliding window, then looked up into the sky again. You may be thinking, why is this man screaming? Well, you'd be screaming too if a hospital trolley loaded with three people was falling at you.
The trolley hit the man, flipping him up onto it, and onto the needles. He screamed, the trolley crashed through the window, through the pavlova, leaving a huge, trolley/Butler shaped hole in the delicate dessert. Then the trolley and its pavlova covered occupants hit the ground, and slammed into a huge industrial fridge. The fridge sparked once, and exploded. The force did not kill the people, because then the story would end here.
No, the explosion blew them out onto the sloped street. The trolley began to roll down the street at high speed. The cake shop man yanked a needle out of his butt. The trolley ploughed on toward a familiar fruit stand where a familiar man was putting a new pile of bananas in place. He screamed and began to stuff fruit down his shirt. The trolley hit him and he was bounced up on top of Butler's head, where he tried to grip the Eurasian's bald dome, failed, and fell onto the needles.
Meanwhile, just down the street, a familiar and angry man was fixing a blown tire on his bicycle. He was on his way to buy a new car. He looked up, and did not scream, did not move, for when a trolley loaded with four people, all of them covered in squashed bananas and pavlova, one of them purple, seven feet high and screaming "I'M A GAY TOENAIL!" is ploughing at you, you're really at a loss for words.
The trolley hit him, he was flipped up onto the needles and his bike was thrown into the path of a tram. Suddenly all the occupants of the trolley looked up and screamed, except for Butler, who yelled something about being a gay beer can.
The trolley was on a direct collision course for the rear end of a semi trailer loaded with chickens.
Butler applied some stolen lipstick, the trolley hit a huge bump, the lipstick went all over Butler's face, and the trolley was launched into the air, up, up, up, over the gate on the back of the truck, and into the back. The trolley hit ground, causing chickens to flee, the wheels broke off , the trays collapsed and the entire frame split apart at the welds, creating a mess of twisted metal. Butler grabbed the nurse and began kissing him while the chickens began to peck at Mary Sue and pull bits of her hair out.
Artemis drove his car up beside the truck and pulled the drive over just as a chicken ripped one of Butler's nose hairs out. "YEOUCHIES!" Screamed Butler. He leapt into the air and came down on top of a chicken. The chicken gave a weak gargle and bit Butler's butt.
Artemis and Butler drove Mary Sue back to her hotel apartment where Artemis gave her a tiny peck on the cheek and they left.