Disclaimer: Don't own it, won't ever own it, get over it.
Vaughn raced around a corner of an unknown street in Los Angeles into an alleyway. afraid for his life. Seeing two possible routes, Vaughn raced down the right. He ran down the alleyway, looking behind him, searching for any sigh of his pursuers. He looked forward again and noticed the dead-end seconds before crashing into it. A surge of pain flashed through his head on impact, and blood flowed freely down his face. He knew his nose was broken before he touched it, sending another surge or pain through his already throbbing head.
He heard a noise and knew his pursuers were closing in. Vaughn tried to make a mad dash to the other path, but before he could move more than 3 steps, he ran into a moose. Vaughn looked up at the creature with fearful eyes, as he crawled back into the wall. A second moose appeared, then a third. Surrounded by meese, Vaughn was scared for his life.
As his life began to flash before his eyes, he heard a noise. An unnerving tap-tap-tap that the meese ignored as they stared him down. The tapping got louder and louder. Too late he realized what it was.
An Army of Sporks were coming.
Vaughn's heart rate increased two-fold. He knew of the Spork Army and it's vicious ways. He suspected that the Army was what killed Sydney, Jack, Kendall, Will, Marshall and even Sloane. He never knew that they associated themselves with the Meese of Doom. As he began to panic, a white spork emerged from the darkness behind the meese. It managed to move on its own – how, Vaughn neither knew nor cared. He was simply fearing for his life, since, when the Spork Army chose a target, that target was as good as dead. The small white spork hopped into front of Vaughn and proudly held, without arms, a paper that was attached to a pen that looked suspiciously like a flag. What was the symbol, you ask? Sporks killing a human.
Vaughn gulped as more and more sporks appeared. Sporks of every color invaded the ground between Vaughn and the Meese. He squirmed uncomfortably as the meese laughed at him in a very un-meese like way. Taking that as a signal, an older, purple spork moved to the front of the spork regiment and did something even Vaughn wouldn't have expected.
It spoke.
"You die now," it said in a surprisingly gleeful voice, as the army of sporks surged forward and attacked Vaughn. He tried to fight back, but, overwhelmed as he was, it took only minutes for the sporks to accomplish their goal. As the sporks pulled back, revealing the result of their work, the Meese cheered, pointed, and laughed.
"Now we tell world that plural of Moose is Meese!" A young spork yelled. As cheers rose again, a Moose pulled out a list and crossed out Vaughn's name, one of many CIA officer names on the list that was entitled: HuMaNs tO KiLL.
It began to rain, washing blood away from Vaughn's body and from the sporks as they marched away, singing, "What I've felt, what I've known, never shined through in what I've shown. Never free, never me, so I dub thee unforgiven."
Somewhere else, Irina laughed evilly, a yellow bus crashed into a light pole, a house was set on fire, someone begged for an update, someone met a man at a bar, someone yelled resurgam, and a spaceship full of Disney characters blew up.