Chapter Four: Crap Happens
A/N: Okay, a few of you have said that I sound like Strong Bad from
Homestar runner. Firstly I check out that site every week and have watched
every movie. Secondly, why do you say that? Thirdly, this chapter we have a
couple of guest stars! No prizes guessing.
If you don't know Strong Bad and all his buddies, go here: e wall and out onto the street Mary Sue was tossed up against the huge radiator, where G-Forces and wind kept her there, flattened out against the metal, cartoon style.
Strong Bad swore and he and The Cheat leapt back into their balloon. "I WILL KILL AT LEAST ONE OF YOUR KIND, MARY SUE!" He cried as they took off. And he would, but that is a different story.
"NOOOOO!" Screamed Artemis as Mary Sue screamed again, still flattened against the radiator and hanging onto the car's bonnet symbol as hard as she could. Artemis flung open his door and leapt onto the bonnet. Butler swallowed an entire cup of suspicious white powder and took the wheel.
Artemis wondered briefly about the powder as he climbed along the bonnet. Butler stepped on the accelerator and swung the car left, right onto a train track.
Artemis grabbed the car symbol too. The Rolls Royce lady creaked a little as the base began to snap.
"NOOOOOOO!" Cried Artemis. "ROLLS ROYCE LADY!!!" He let go of the figurine, and in that instant several things happened. The symbol snapped off and flew right into Mary Sue's mouth. "FMCHUHK!!!" Yelled Mary Sue. There are several theories as to what she meant to say, most of which you can work out by studying her above speech, however none of these theories can be printed here.
Artemis did a huge fart and his gut deflated, Butler screamed something about being a gay footpath, and a train slammed into the back of the Rolls.
'OMHNTYO!" Screamed Mary Sue. The Rolls Lady slipped a little further down Mary Sue's throat. Now, having the head of this figurine down her throat produced the same reaction as if she had had her fingers down her throat. Not pretty. Mary Sue spewed over herself and projectile vomited the figurine and six undigested weatbix into Artemis' face.
The Rolls Lady slipped into Artemis's lap, did a short lap dance, and jumped off the car into the mouth of a grazing cow. The cow projectile puked half a tonne of grass and the figure at a dog, which caught the figurine in its mouth, and projectile puked an entire frozen chicken at the train.
The chicken flew over the cargo train's trays and through the back of the cabin. It clipped the driver with one of its wings, knocking him through the windscreen and onto the Bentley roof, and then, like a cruise missile, the chicken slammed, beak first, into the control panel. Electricity arced everywhere. Mary Sue screamed.
A bolt of electricity flew from the panel through the air right above Mary Sue's head. Unfortunately her hair was blown up into the wind, and the electric shock set it on fire.
"AAAGH!!!" Screamed Mary Sue as she slammed her head into the pile of vomit on the bonnet of the Bentley. She rose her head, causing Artemis to freeze in shock. Her face was covered in puke, save for her eyes, and her once beautiful hair now stood up in all different directions, tiny flames flickering on the ends of strands, as if she'd stuck a fork in a toaster while gripping both items.
Artemis un-petrified and fell over sideways, knocking the driver off the car and into a large pile of horse manure by the side of the road.
Artemis regained his composure and Mary Sue screamed. The train swung left onto a derelict piece of track. It smashed through several wooden barriers, and into a small railway car, which was loaded with cans of paint. A can of particularly red paint flipped off the crushed trolley, and onto Mary Sue's head.
The train began to accelerate, rocking from side to side as Mary Sue yanked the tin off her head and wiped the paint away from her eyes.
Suddenly the train control panel caught on fire. The flames roasted the chicken and Butler leapt out onto the car roof. He grabbed the chicken from the train and swallowed it whole. "TASTY!!!!" "Eeewgh." Said Mary Sue before she fainted. "NOOOOO!" Screamed Artemis.
Suddenly the train ploughed through another barrier, revealing.
"A HUGE BOTTOMLESS PIT!" Screamed Artemis. He began to kiss Mary Sue over and over again, trying to wake her up. Then Butler vomited the chicken's intestines onto her face.
"AAAAAAGHHHHH!" Screamed Mary Sue as she leapt to her feet, flinging the intestines away. "AAAGH AghA AHAHAHAH!" Artemis grabbed her arm, Butler grabbed her hair, and his jacket cuffs caught on fire from the tiny flames on her hair. He frantically blew them out as the three of them leapt off the car and into a pile of hay which a large horse was grazing from.
The train and car roared over the bottomless pit and into the nearby fairy fort. "DAMN FAERIES!" Screamed Artemis. "THE PIT WAS JUST A HOLOGRAM ALL ALONG!"
Suddenly Mary Sue screamed again, and the last thing she saw before blacking out was a huge clump of horse manure dropping down toward her face, and the ass of a very angry horse.
If you don't know Strong Bad and all his buddies, go here: e wall and out onto the street Mary Sue was tossed up against the huge radiator, where G-Forces and wind kept her there, flattened out against the metal, cartoon style.
Strong Bad swore and he and The Cheat leapt back into their balloon. "I WILL KILL AT LEAST ONE OF YOUR KIND, MARY SUE!" He cried as they took off. And he would, but that is a different story.
"NOOOOO!" Screamed Artemis as Mary Sue screamed again, still flattened against the radiator and hanging onto the car's bonnet symbol as hard as she could. Artemis flung open his door and leapt onto the bonnet. Butler swallowed an entire cup of suspicious white powder and took the wheel.
Artemis wondered briefly about the powder as he climbed along the bonnet. Butler stepped on the accelerator and swung the car left, right onto a train track.
Artemis grabbed the car symbol too. The Rolls Royce lady creaked a little as the base began to snap.
"NOOOOOOO!" Cried Artemis. "ROLLS ROYCE LADY!!!" He let go of the figurine, and in that instant several things happened. The symbol snapped off and flew right into Mary Sue's mouth. "FMCHUHK!!!" Yelled Mary Sue. There are several theories as to what she meant to say, most of which you can work out by studying her above speech, however none of these theories can be printed here.
Artemis did a huge fart and his gut deflated, Butler screamed something about being a gay footpath, and a train slammed into the back of the Rolls.
'OMHNTYO!" Screamed Mary Sue. The Rolls Lady slipped a little further down Mary Sue's throat. Now, having the head of this figurine down her throat produced the same reaction as if she had had her fingers down her throat. Not pretty. Mary Sue spewed over herself and projectile vomited the figurine and six undigested weatbix into Artemis' face.
The Rolls Lady slipped into Artemis's lap, did a short lap dance, and jumped off the car into the mouth of a grazing cow. The cow projectile puked half a tonne of grass and the figure at a dog, which caught the figurine in its mouth, and projectile puked an entire frozen chicken at the train.
The chicken flew over the cargo train's trays and through the back of the cabin. It clipped the driver with one of its wings, knocking him through the windscreen and onto the Bentley roof, and then, like a cruise missile, the chicken slammed, beak first, into the control panel. Electricity arced everywhere. Mary Sue screamed.
A bolt of electricity flew from the panel through the air right above Mary Sue's head. Unfortunately her hair was blown up into the wind, and the electric shock set it on fire.
"AAAGH!!!" Screamed Mary Sue as she slammed her head into the pile of vomit on the bonnet of the Bentley. She rose her head, causing Artemis to freeze in shock. Her face was covered in puke, save for her eyes, and her once beautiful hair now stood up in all different directions, tiny flames flickering on the ends of strands, as if she'd stuck a fork in a toaster while gripping both items.
Artemis un-petrified and fell over sideways, knocking the driver off the car and into a large pile of horse manure by the side of the road.
Artemis regained his composure and Mary Sue screamed. The train swung left onto a derelict piece of track. It smashed through several wooden barriers, and into a small railway car, which was loaded with cans of paint. A can of particularly red paint flipped off the crushed trolley, and onto Mary Sue's head.
The train began to accelerate, rocking from side to side as Mary Sue yanked the tin off her head and wiped the paint away from her eyes.
Suddenly the train control panel caught on fire. The flames roasted the chicken and Butler leapt out onto the car roof. He grabbed the chicken from the train and swallowed it whole. "TASTY!!!!" "Eeewgh." Said Mary Sue before she fainted. "NOOOOO!" Screamed Artemis.
Suddenly the train ploughed through another barrier, revealing.
"A HUGE BOTTOMLESS PIT!" Screamed Artemis. He began to kiss Mary Sue over and over again, trying to wake her up. Then Butler vomited the chicken's intestines onto her face.
"AAAAAAGHHHHH!" Screamed Mary Sue as she leapt to her feet, flinging the intestines away. "AAAGH AghA AHAHAHAH!" Artemis grabbed her arm, Butler grabbed her hair, and his jacket cuffs caught on fire from the tiny flames on her hair. He frantically blew them out as the three of them leapt off the car and into a pile of hay which a large horse was grazing from.
The train and car roared over the bottomless pit and into the nearby fairy fort. "DAMN FAERIES!" Screamed Artemis. "THE PIT WAS JUST A HOLOGRAM ALL ALONG!"
Suddenly Mary Sue screamed again, and the last thing she saw before blacking out was a huge clump of horse manure dropping down toward her face, and the ass of a very angry horse.