Flower_on_thewind: umm…hi everyone. It's been awhile since I put anything up, but this whole year has been pretty hectic and so I apologize. So this is what I whipped up to make it up for you all.
My deepest apologies.
Dedication: To all those ppl who've been so patient with Until You Catch Me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblades in anyway.
It was another brilliant spring day. Birds were singing, trees were rustling in the wind, and love was definitely in the air. Everything was colourful and happy-like. Well…almost everything...
Flames That Burn For Revenge
Kevin sighed as he looked up into the vibrant blue sky. Usually, hanging out near his favorite tree would have made him happy. But not this time.
'He' was gone. Rei… the person whom his whole damn life revolved around. The only one Kevin would ever deem the title of 'big brother'. Of course they weren't technically brothers, but Kevin always looked up to him like one, and he always thought Rei did likewise.
Kevin was wrong. Rei didn't care about him. Rei didn't care anything about what made their friendship what it was. In short, Rei didn't give a damn for anyone in the White Tiger clan. Kevin once thought Rei was honorable, loyal, smart, perfect citizen, perfect strategist, and basically perfect in everything. And how Kevin wished to be JUST like him. Just like Rei kon... Oh, but how wrong he was. Nobody is perfect... and now, Kevin wanted more than ever to have listened to those wise words told to him so long ago.
"Why Rei?" he quietly muttered under his breath. The world was a bit too happy for Kevin at the moment; too colourful, too bright.
To Kevin, everything wasn't a vibrant hue of nature. Quite opposite actually... to Kevin, everything was grey. Neither totally black, nor totally white. And it was the exact colour he felt like for the past few days. Totally, and utterly neutral.
Perhaps it is the shock that still lingers within the petite boy. Perhaps it's his stubborn refusal to believe what has taken place. All in all, one thing was for certain:
Little Kevin of the White Tigers was falling into the void known as depression.
Yes, the usually upbeat kid in town was mooning terribly over the loss of his friend; his idol. And he wasn't doing a very good job about it... The others all had their ways of dealing with things... Gary drowned his troubles in his eating; Mariah lets it all out like any ordinary person would do: by crying. And Lee... he dealt with his feelings by getting physical. But Kevin…
Kevin didn't know what to do. He couldn't eat his troubles away because usually the thought of food when he felt sad caused him to feel nauseous. He couldn't cry his worries away because one, he was a firm believer that boys don't cry. And two, what would crying get you? It would just cause swollen eyes and a stuffed up head. Totally useless... He didn't feel like working out like Lee did because his body just couldn't seem to move about like it use to... in fact, Kevin's health hasn't been normal since Rei left. He couldn't eat, laugh, cry, run, or talk. Now, if Kevin doesn't feel like talking, then you know that something is definitely wrong.
So what could Kevin do?
Kevin sighed and leaned against his favorite tree. This was just too much going through his head. He just didn't know what to think anymore! All that he could do is remember all the happy days when the whole team did nothing but laugh and play and battle!
He remembered the time when Rei first taught Mariah how to launch a beyblade. He watched as his skillful hands executed a perfect launch. Oh, how he wanted to do that too...
Kevin closed his eyes as more memories came back.
He remembered the time when Rei gave him Galmon as his birthday present. Even to this day, Kevin swore that day was the happiest day of his life.
Kevin slid against the tree while hopelessly willing the images to recede.
He remembered not only 4 weeks ago Rei commented on how good Kevin's skills were coming along and how he promised he'd help find a better attack ring.
"Stop it..."
He remembered how Rei never liked hair cuts, how he loved cooking next to battling, how he always stood confidently against opponents, how he always was willing to teach Kevin a new trick or two...
Kevin curled into a ball as if to protect himself from the images.
"Stupid Rei… why did you go? You should have known..."
Oh yes... Kevin was definitely depressed...
A soft crumple in Kevin's pocket gave him a small distraction from his tormenting mind. Curiously he reached into his pocket to find a folded piece of paper. Slowly he unfolded it to find that it was none other than a poem...
His poem
Gary eats, Lee works out, Mariah cries, and...
Kevin can have his poetry.
It was one of the few things Kevin could call his own and it's not something that Rei has done. It was his own little secret, not even his parents knew about his little hobby. It's like Gary's secret hobby; painting. Of course, it isn't really a secret anymore, since Kevin did some 'snooping' in his room. In fact… Kevin knew everyone's 'other' hobbies though they'll never say it out loud. Mariah had this passion for sewing anything with usually pink fabric, Lee loves martial arts, though he'll always say beyblading is his passion (it's everyone's passion!) and Rei loved cooking… Rei...
The thought of him again made his heart sink once more...
Rei...depression...the poem...
Kevin didn't remember writing anything of late... then again, he had been walking around in a daze most of the time. Always thinking, pondering, searching for something...
What is depression?
It is sadness that comes like a crashing wave
Upon an unsuspecting boat
Ah yes, now he remembered... this was the poem he wrote while figuring out the definition of depression.
Before this, Kevin had no idea what depression was. He never in his life felt so many things before, it confused him, strangled him, and buried him like nothing else.
It takes away your breath
Leaving you empty
Alone
In a world where everything seems so grey
Sometimes, the emotions gets too strong-too big- it takes his breath away and when it leaves, his mind becomes nothing but a blank-a void if you will. Sometimes, he would wonder if Rei even knew what his actions had done. Sometimes, he wondered if any of the other White Tigers were going through what he was going...
Around you, people are so happy
Yet you can't seem to feel it either
You can't smile
You can't laugh
You can only watch in black and white
His parents are worried about him, and he knew that. They would always be so cheery in hopes that somehow he would cheer up too. Kevin sometimes wished that it worked... but it doesn't. Instead his parents seem so fake...
Kevin felt like he fell down to hell with the way things were going. He couldn't laugh or smile even if he wanted to. He once tried to reassure his parents with a small grin, but... it was like he forgot how to smile.
People tell you reasons to think and feel differently
But no matter how hard you try, you can't rise from this grey world you've fallen
It's like you're already dead to this world
And the more you watch as friends give you advice…
Your feelings changes about them when you see who really cares
And who doesn't….
His mother suggested that he should try and talk about his feelings with his friends. The first person he went to was Mariah. She of all people would understand how he feels. Upon talking to her however, it was quite opposite. It wasn't he who was doing the talking; it was she. She only moaned on and on about how Rei left her, and how it was the end of the world, and how she could never love anyone else ever again. Kevin listened patiently trying to relate to her, but he couldn't! The way she was crying out in self-pity only gave Kevin the impression that she was a bit...self-centered. It made him feel like he couldn't possibly talk to her about this and thus unknowingly make him fall deeper into his depression.
It's like you're frozen upon with some dark emotion
Nothing can save you
Perhaps not even love…
Love from family…friends …or maybe even soul mates.
Sometimes, the hours would pass by and Kevin wouldn't even know! It was like he was frozen in the past, and neither friends nor family could take his mind away from it. Not even Beyblading would help; in fact it only made things worse.
The world around you slowly falls apart
It becomes nothing like what you once knew
Everything you believed in is shattering like glass
You suddenly realize just how fragile one's life could be
Why couldn't things go back to the way it used to be? Even without Rei, there must have been something to focus on that didn't involve his fallen idol. The more Kevin would try to think, the more it became apparent that his whole life revolved around trying to be just like Rei. Heck, even his poems were inspired by Rei! He should really stop... but how can you when the very pillar your world revolved around came crashing down? Or rather, walks away.
Once you may have been strong, happy, and full of laughter…
Now you are none of that…
You are only one thing
Empty
You have completely forgotten the only thing that keeps us human
Emotions.
With out emotions, you cannot truly 'live'
So…you are dead to this world
It sickens Kevin to think about the way he's been acting lately. It's a full 180 from his old personality. And truthfully, he hated it. He felt like this whole experience made him grow up before he could even live his life. It's like he lost the battle when it didn't even start!
Hopes and dreams die one by one
As you fall deeper and deeper into your own personal hell
It should seem that only a miracle could bring you out
But, you already know that miracles don't exist…
Unwanted tears began to sting Kevin's eyes. It's not fair! 'It's not fair Rei! Didn't you even think about your actions??? DIDN'T YOU???'
Kevin didn't want his world to change! He didn't want to be alone with no one to look to for guidance. Sometimes, he would daydream that Rei would suddenly be seen marching down that path back to home. Back to the White Tigers.
Somewhere
Deep deep down inside your pitiful soul
Lies a wavering flicker of light…
This light is surrounded by an eternity of darkness
This light is your hope
It is the only thing keeping you from truly being dead to this world
Kevin felt a sudden pang of guilt. He was blaming Rei... he couldn't possibly do that... But... it actually...made sense… If this was Rei we were talking about, then he should have known! He should have seen what his actions would do to the whole team and stop! ...But he didn't... Somewhere inside Kevin, he knew he would always hope Rei would somehow make things better. But it was only hope, right?
If only…
If only someone would come and nurture this light
Keep it safe so that it wouldn't go out;
Help bring me back to life
Hope is just wishful thinking... nothing more.
But the world today doesn't work like that
All they would see is a pitifully sad boy
And stare at them with false empathy
(Being that they truly didn't know how that person feels
For if they did, they would understand to help them before it's too late)
Then they would walk off to deal with their own problems
No one has the time to help you
No one has the heart either
'I... have no choice... I have to grow up. By myself… all alone.' Kevin unconsciously clenched the paper in his hand.
'Where are you Rei? Why are you making me grow up alone? Brothers are supposed to stick together while growing up, not abandon each other! I have no one now! Look at what you did to the team. You tore us apart! Mariah always cries cuz she loves you and YOU know that! So why did you do it? Gary does nothing but eat now and neglects everything! It isn't healthy! And Lee, he's so hurt. When he mutters that you a traitor to the clan, he doesn't really mean that. What he really means is that you are a traitor to the friendship not the village. And… and finally me. I-I... You... Rei... ARGH! You left me alone to grow up! You left me with no guidance in a world that's full of troubles. Look at the team! You left them to fall apart Rei! You left me with no one to turn to cuz they'll never understand even if I try to tell them! And they never will because you've caused so much damage to them. They never have time for me. WHAT ABOUT ME! You…you made MY world fall apart. Everything I've done was because I wanted to be you! Now... now that I think about it... Did you even care? Did you know what you meant to each and every one of us? How-why? I-I looked up to you!'
Kevin couldn't take it anymore. He crumpled his poem and threw it as far as paper would go.
'He' left him alone. Alone in a new world with no guidance. In a world where he needed to grow up fast and smart. In a world where compassion is not given to you solely because people would never understand. Rei... he had showed Kevin the opposite. 'He' had told him differently. 'He' had told him a lie.
So back to the question,
What is depression?
Exactly 3 weeks ago, at this very hour, Rei Kon left his home village, and in the process let down his closes of friends. The Rei everyone knew would never leave so suddenly, and most definitely not without his team members. This was his undoing for it was the ultimate sign of distrust in their close bonds; in their friendship.
And because of that feeling of...
Depression is ultimately,
Betrayal
The death of a soul…
"I looked up to you Rei…" Kevin muttered. He no longer saw the world all grey, nor did he see the world bright and beautiful. All he saw was just reality...
"I don't understand why you did this." His voice was bitter and his eyes no longer held that morbid blank look. All that burned in his eyes was a flame.
"I'll show you. Heh, I don't want to be just like you anymore, Rei"
A dangerous flame...
"I don't want to be your equal anymore!"
With every word, what little was left of the old Kevin died away. And the setting sun casts' a golden glow to the surroundings about Kevin made the moment seem utterly surreal.
"No..."
His eyes... two burning flames of purple.
"I'm going to show you how much better then you I can be!"
Flames that burn for revenge...
Fini
Flower_on_thewind: eh… I must say that I'm not terribly happy with this, but oh well -_-; I've been feeling depressed myself, so hence this fic. I'm sorry if you do not like it, and I'd be absolutely thrilled if you reviewed to tell me if you hated it, liked it, or, whatever... No. actually, I'm begging you to review. *falls to her knees and pleads*
Thank you for your time