Disclaimer: Kaiya doesn't own Yami no Matsuei. The song is "Alone" from Gensomaden Saiyuki.
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Alone
By kaiya mochidzuki
A dry breeze is blowing
The city is getting cold
Hails of rain keep on pouring down the earth as I walk my way in the hazy ground of this barren wasteland of souls. All synthetic sounds have died and depthless darkness surrounded me as cold crystals hit my body.
Nights such as this never frighten me in any way. I was used to this. I was used to being alone in the dark.
I wonder how many seasons have passed
Without even a sound?
All my life I was caged inside the dark dungeon of my family's mansion. I never experienced witnessing the sunset as I walk along the beach with the summer's breeze against my face. I never felt the feeling of ice crystals melting on my palms or the sounds of joyous carols during Christmas. I never witnessed the melancholic fall of the sakura leaves as autumn makes its way to the city.
I was deprived of my own life.
All of the people coming and going bear heavy burdens,
Searching for tomorrow within the heat haze wavering in the distance.
Empathy founded its way into me and bridged my soul into other's hearts. The real sorrow they feel is much painful than what the eye perceives. The hate they feel is much stronger than what their actions imply.
The emotions of other people never fail to make their way into my system and break my tormented soul into tiny pieces.
It became hard for me to distinguish what emotions are false and what are truly mine.
I felt I was nothing.
Emotions make a man a man.
If I can't feel my emotions, then what am I?
Feeling like sand
Falling through my hands…
Back then, the words that pierced my heart
Suddenly started to throb with pain, but…
"A monster!" I heard my mother cry one night as she came to visit me. She hugged me but I pushed her away. I felt her fear.
Why does a mother fear her son?
"What kind of child are you?! You can't even give your mother a hug! Monster!" The words kept on throbbing inside my head and her fear kept on stabbing me in my heart.
It hurts…
Why does it hurt this much…
Why mother… why do you fear me?
I've searched for pieces of myself,
Counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Why can't I see myself in the mirror of reflections? Why can't I know the real me that still tries to hide in the corner of the dungeon that served as my world all my life.
Though the death of this body gave life to its soul, the pain of yesterday didn't vanish from today.
The world I had learned to know became wider, bigger, brighter.
An empath that will forever feel the emotions that seems mutate as each day passes by.
A shinigami that will forever live in this world, without exceptions.
I tripped.
And hit the muddy ground of the cemetery.
I hugged myself and the rain didn't stop falling.
Why can't you stop crying?
I can't get up.
I can't yell for help.
Why are you so quiet?
Why can't you scream?
Why are you so weak?
"Please stop crying…"
"It hurts me when you cry…"
Heaven stopped crying and I slowly opened my eyes.
"Take my hand." I heard him say.
And as I am rescued from the land of the dead, strong feelings rushed into my veins and reached my frail heart.
Thump. Thump.
Emotions so strong.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Concern so real.
Thump-thump-thump-thump.
Love so deep.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
"You are not alone anymore."
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far
With you.