Note from the author: Thanks peoplshe, for your reviews, it helps a lot. This chapter didn't go the way I expected it to, but I think it came out pretty cohesively. Anyway, enjoy. Angsty Roose, yum.
Curriculum 14: Reflection
Roose hated being alone, even more than he had once hated being fat. He was most comfortable in the presence of several friends (preferably Yamagi and Zero), or with Wrecka.
Then why am I sitting around her, alone?
He gazed forlornly at the bed Yamagi normally occupied at this hour. Some time before, his friend had received an e-mail, then dashed out of the room with nary an explanation for Roose. Wrecka would be in her own dormitory on the other side of the ship, and Zero in his. Several times, Roose had considered venturing next door to Zero's room, but every time he thought about it, an awful, cold feeling washed over him.
I wonder what's wrong. There has to be something wrong, something important, else Yamagi would have at least stopped to tell me what happened. Wouldn't he?
With doubt taking hold of him in cold fingers, and no other recourse for human companionship, Roose was forced to pull out the small mirror he kept in the tiny chest he was allowed to keep personal items in. Wrecka had given it to him halfway through the diet. "Motivation", she had called it, and it had indeed helped him immensely to see that his ordeal was having some visible effect.
He looked into the glass with the old nerves, still instinctively fearing his reflection and what it might show him. A wiry, thin youth looked back at him, large eyes tired-looking and droopy. His mouth was small, never really suited to the vast amounts of food he had once taken in daily, and his ears were slightly outsized, giving him a slightly mousy appearance. For a while, the mirror occupied him; he could at least pretend that there was another person in the room. But it was only a crutch. Eventually, the hollow nature of it sickened him, and he stowed the glass away amongst his belongings again.
Yamagi, you could at least IM me. They don't disable the messenger service until late, it'd get to me for sure. Gah, why am I being so self-centered? There's a reason, I know it. A good one.
What the rational part of his mind told him did not allay the feeling of loneliness that made its home in his belly. It only made things worse, because the part of him that was hurting rebelled, and it seemed to him that the two Rooses battled it out in his stomach. Realizing that this train of thought would only make him more miserable, he tried to direct it elsewhere.
They said that my EX is defensive, even if they didn't tell me what it was. That means I'll pilot Agui Kemaia, if I ever make Pilot at all. But then…why does it feel so wrong?
He had never met the orange Goddess' current Pilot, but he had seen the other boy after Ernest Cuore's funeral. Even in the aftermath of a friend's death, Rioroute had been trying to coax his friends into some semblance of good humor.
Some might call that callous, and say he should have been crying with the rest of them. I don't think that's so. He was hurting too, he just hurts in a different way.
Roose did not know much about Rioroute, but what he had heard was mostly praise. Mostly. Rio was a known lady's man, but that fault rather paled in comparison to his accomplishments. Of all the current Pilots save Number One, Rioroute had held his post for the longest. Roose could only imagine how difficult it would be to protect all four of the other Goddesses at once. In training, Roose used his shield more often than his gun, usually covering Yamagi and staying out of actual combat himself.
Taking care of one person mid-battle is bad enough, I'm not sure I could handle four.
Eventually, he exhausted that subject as well, and fell into a fitful slumber. It was not until Yamagi slipped into the room much later that Roose slept soundly, and both of them woke to the sound of the bells.
Tune left her console for a few moments and went over to Leena's terminal. Tears were in those silver eyes, tears that Leena had seen before.
Goddesses, please say it's not happening again.
Leena opened her arms to her friend, her own console forgotten.
The boys are on their own now, there's nothing we can do to help them.
Tune sobbed and fell into Leena's embrace with a cry. It was all that Leena could do to keep her own tears back and be strong for her friend. Beneath her, she could here the sounds of Phil Phleira's weeping as well, her worry for the empathy-crazed Rioroute stripping her of her dignity. To her left, Kazuhi bore no sign of any grief or worry, but then, she never did. As Tune shook in her arms, Leena tried to will some strength into her friend, but the weeping would not end. She had no strength to spare for another.
Type L. At least it's not the same that killed Ernest, I don't think any of us could take that. No one will ever say that they didn't do their duty. They do it too well. Garu, please come back to me. She stroked Tune's hair with a hand that trembled. Is this how you felt when he died, Tune? Like everything was suddenly falling to pieces, and you had nothing to catch them in?
She gazed at her terminal apprehensively, and the picture it showed her was no better than the one it had portrayed when she had looked at it just moments before. Four huge VICTIM had closed in combat with the Ingrids, the vicious Type L. L VICTIM had appetites even larger than they were, as well one trait that made them unique among the myriad of other types.
Garu's guns are no good against them. His shots just bounce off their slimy hides.
Leena had never hated the VICTIM more than as she sat their with her best friend weeping in her arms, helpless and weak when her Pilot needed her to be strong. Gareas' cries rang through her headset until she could no longer bear it, and she threw it away heatedly.
Damn you damn you damn you DAMN YOU!
She wished the VICTIM could hear her, she could have slain them all with her wrath.
"Intelligence, Reneighd Klein. State the enemy's current position."
Teela's cool voice came to him over the com link, but she was not projecting a visual image of herself. Erts found that it was, bizarrely enough, even more difficult to talk to her when he could not see her. He choked down his fear and closed his eyes, letting his EX show him what he needed to know.
"The leader is engaged with Tellia Kallisto, Number One, Area Green 3. The Pilot is uninjured, though his Repairer has disabled the use of the Ingrid's left hand. Two more are attempting to break through Agui Kemaia's shields in Zion 5, it appears that they intend to attack Reneighd Klein. The last…"
The last was trying to attack Ernn Laties, and got a sword through the belly for its trouble.
"Updates every twenty seconds, Reneighd Klein."
"Understood."
He spread his arms wide, sensing the airframe moving in tandem, and poured his EX into the primary focus. There was some interference from the shielding, and the stray rogue attack coming from the direction of Agui Kemaia, but he found it relatively easy to track the movements of the remaining three VICTIM. Type L were the slowest of VICTIM, relying on their natural shielding and size for protection.
Not that it did them any good against Teela…Ernn Laties.
One of the VICTIM left the assault on the shields to assail Eeva Leena, and Erts relayed the movement to Gareas and Teela immediately. In the mental vision generated by his enhanced EX reaction, the three VICTIM appeared as ugly green spheres of energy, pocked with blackness. Gareas was green as well, though his was pure and untainted. Yu was black as night with no exceptions. Rioroute was a rainbow of colors, sometimes red, sometimes yellow, sometimes violet, always changing. Teela was white.
Goddesses help us if one of those lights goes out.
As she typed quickly, her fingers flying over the keys of PRO-ING 88's console, Kizna's lips were pressed into a grim smile. As Zero's Repairer, it had fallen to her to talk his unthinking rage out of him, to endure the punch that had left the rapidly darkening bruise on her cheek.
At least he was sorry, after. She thought, entering the commands that would direct power to all the correct parts of the mobile armor. Ikhny doesn't even have that. Oh, Zero, whatever am I going to do with you?
"Try not to get yourself killed out there." She had told him, but all the response she had gotten out of him was an incoherent grunt. It galled her to find that she cared for the bastard; he'd been nothing but trouble for her since they'd met. And he'd made fun of her ears. Well, he really hadn't, but he had made her reveal them to him before she had wanted, and that was just as bad where she was concerned.
He's like a little brother. A really, really, really annoying little brother, but I've heard that most of them are.
In one of the rare moments that Wrecka had thought of anything besides Roose and PRO-ING, she had observed that Kizna and Zero were very much alike, the only possible explanation for why they fought so often. Kizna had scowled at the girl to quell the thought, but it had taken root in her subconscious, and the realistic part of herself told her that it was true.
But she certainly did not have to like it.
"Zero, will you listen to me for two seconds? G.O.A. to Zero! This is your frigging Repairer paging you!"
There was a long moment of silence, and she was just about to give up from disgust when he replied, "What?"
"About time. There are three Type L VICTIM out there, I've just gotten the relay from Erts. Number One's assigned attack pattern TANDEM for the Candidates. You do remember TANDEM, right? I've got the plans right here, if you need to review them."
"I remember, you don't have to badger me. What do you really want?"
She frowned, was it really that easy to hear in her voice? "TANDEM is a last resort battle algorithm. PRO-ING are not permitted to engage unless all of the Goddesses fall, and that includes Reneighd Klein."
"I told you, I know the plan. If you're just going to quote the textbooks at me, I'm shutting down your side of the link."
"You wouldn't."
"Try me."
She threw her hands up in the air, startling Ihkny, who stood next to her at the console for Hiead's PRO-ING.
You're impossible, Zero Enna. How did I get stuck with you, HOW? Anyone would be better. I don't care if you're some kind of prodigy, it doesn't give you the right to do this! Even Hiead…
She stopped her mental rant there, glancing over at Ikhny. The girl was near trembling, though her hands were steady at the keys. As bad as Zero might be, he would never be as bad as Hiead.
"Zero Enna, if you're threatening me…"
"Come on, Kizna, don't even bother. We both know you're bluffing."
"What?"
She almost cursed; the word was out before she could stop herself.
"You were going to say that you'd quit, if I didn't stop it. Well, don't bother, you want a Goddess just as bad as me, you said so yourself. "I wanted to be a Pilot, but girls don't have EX." Well, if you're going to live your dream through me, we're going to do it my way."
The comment hit her like a slap to the face. How can he know me so well, and still know nothing about me?
"Zero, you can't do anything without a Repairer. Without me."
"And you can't do anything without a Pilot. So we're even."
Her ear twitched, but she relayed the latest report from Reneighd Klein all the same. There would definitely be a discussion when he got back.
If he comes back at all. She thought, her smile now a frown, but no less tight or grim. She did not notice as a tear slipped down Ikhny's cheek, and the girl swept it away with a sleeve before Kizna could see.
"Dammit! Not even the Altege is any good against these things! What can I do?"
Gareas swung around, trying to find some weak point in the monsters' defenses, pelting them with ammo. But his shots only served as distractions, it was Rio and Yu who were doing the real work here.
"Eeva Leena!" Teela's voice rang in his ears harshly. "Pull back behind the shields!"
"There must be something I can do!" he shouted back.
"The order is to find haven within Agui Kemaia's shielding, comply."
Garu cursed again, but fell back into the protection of the orange goddess sullenly. Erts' voice came to him once he'd made it into the shielding.
"Gareas, I have been unable to find any way for Eeva Leena's weaponry to pierce the armor of the VICTIM. Please remain within range of the shields."
Ernest would have found something by now.
:Doubtless. However, I am the one who is Piloting the scout craft, and I advise you to listen to the counsel of your fellows! For once, Gareas, use your head instead of your heart. Your head will bring you through this mission, and back to the woman your Goddess is named for. Your heart will doom us all.:
Before Garu could comment on the invasion, Erts retreated from his mind, drawn away by something distressing.
"They've broken through the first levels of shielding! Rio won't be able to hold them back much longer." Erts sounded frightened to Garu's ears, and Garu himself was hard pressed not to panic. Garu opened a channel between his craft and Rioroute's, hoping to find some way to help, but the only sound that came from the cockpit of Agui Kemaia was an insane cackling.
:Rioroute is drunk on empathic waves, he will not be able to understand you.:
Get out of my fucking head you little shit! I never even let Ernest do this to me!
:A pity, you would have learned much.:
There was something more there, something besides the little blonde boy that Garu was familiar with. He had never heard Erts speak that way, and while the voice that he heard in his mind was indisputably Erts, there was a feminine presence there as well.
What the hell is going on?
"Level two shielding breached! Retreat is strongly advised! Number One!"
Coward! Craven! Your brother would never tell us to retreat!
:And my brother is dead.:
Zero banged on the console inside the PRO-ING as he watched the tiny dots on his screen.
"Why isn't Number One doing anything? Where's the deathblow? What's wrong? Kizna!"
"I'm trying to figure it out right now, Zero! Erts stopped relaying info to us a few seconds ago, I don't know what's wrong!"
"Dammit!"
He clenched and unclenched his hands, trying to decide what to do. Kizna anticipated that reaction.
"Zero, don't go over there! If Eeva Leena couldn't hurt them, how do you expect the PRO-ING's guns to be able to do the job?"
"I don't care."
"Like I needed you to tell me that." A few moments of silence. "Oh no…"
"What? What is it?"
Zero pressed his hands against his sides to keep himself from lashing out at anything around him. His knuckles went white around the phantom gun in his hand.
"The VICTIM broke through the shields! The Goddesses are all fighting hand to hand!"
"I'm going!"
:You will not.:
The mental presence was a familiar one, one that he had always associated with friendship, warmth. Now, it was cold, terrible, somehow more than Erts. Before Zero could reply, a video window popped up. It was Clay.
"Zero, look." Another window popped up next to Clay's, it was a picture of Yamagi. Zero had never seen Yamagi use his EX, but that was the only explanation for why he had green hair instead of purple. "It's happening to all of the Candidates with missile EX."
"Huh?"
Several more windows popped up. "Number 56, Anji Yokohama. Number 75, Norris Freyalise. They're all gun fighters, Zero!"
"But what does it mean?"
"Just watch."
Yu had read somewhere that when a man looks into the face of Death, he sees his own reflection. It had not been a particularly reliable source, and he had discarded the notion without further examination. It was ridiculous to speculate as to what happened in the moment of death, since those who had experienced it would never tell the tale to anyone living. But as Yu watched his friends close around him, and danced the dance of death with a huge VICTIM, the tenets of that philosophy seemed to have some meaning.
He and Gareas closed around Reneighd Klein, trying to give the craft some measure of protection, but it was only a matter of time. In that moment, Yu saw his past; a whirlwind tour of his life. He had no regrets, it was not in him to regret. But there was something about looking at his own death's reflection that was both terrible, and beautiful. He had dreamed of death, and now he would meet it. He wondered what death would look like.
When the huge spheres of green light came rocketing toward them, Yu did not question, he simply dodged out of the way, bringing Reneighd Klein along with him. Salvo after salvo of the bright balls of energy slammed into the VICTIM, and while they did not injure the huge creatures, they did succeed in driving them back. Three new nets of shields spread all around the Ingrids, and Yu knew that he would not look into death's mirror that day.
Phil leaped out of her suspended panel and raced up the steps to Leena's pod. She blinked when she found Tune there, and Kazuhi walking sedately over as well. Leena's fingers were flying over the controls like bees after a honey thief.
"I don't believe it! Areas Blue, Zion, Green, and Orange, all clear!"
Tune cocked her head to one side, listening to a message from her partner. "The last VICTIM has been eliminated! Zion is safe!"
Phil's jaw dropped, and Tune giggled hysterically.
"We…won?" Phil said, wondering what had just happened.
"Affirmative." Replied Kazuhi. "All three VICTIM were caught in the deathblow released by Ernn Laties."
"But they can't use the deathblow! Unless…Rio?"
There was a short pause and some static, then,
"Yeah, what do ya want, Phil Phleira? You're going to pay for this headache, I swear it."
She let out a whoop that echoed through the halls of G.I.S., and all around, military personnel took up the cry. They had won.
Fresh bandages lay on the table beside the washbasin, but she did not apply them just yet. Her wounds remained fresh, and the battle had ripped open the scabs so that they bled again. This time, however, she would not suffer to let anyone else to care for her. As she gazed into the bloody water, she looked at her tired face, still beautiful in weariness, and wondered if he had thought her fair. She was unaccustomed to such feelings, since she had walled them off for so long. But in his absence, she was acutely aware of how she missed his dry humor and quiet strength. In her emptiness, she had not known how much he had come to mean to her.
When she could no longer stand to look at herself, she dashed the surface of the water and began to weep.