Are you...swinging that way, Lucius?

Lucius pays a visit to his most reliable friend, Severus. Well, he's the only one who would understand, right?

Disclaimer: Harry Potter (Pottah, according to Snapey, Draco and everyone who can't pronounce his poor last name) and his friends/enemies/lovers do NOT belong to me. They are owned by the fantabulous J.K. Rowling.

~*~

The shopping trip to Hogsmeade proved enjoyable, and Lucius found a very nice pair of ribbons. They looked exactly like his favorite pair, but they were just not the same. He still felt some anger toward Draco, for the simple fact that he was born, and therefore, Lucius had to give up his precious ribbons. As Narcissa walked out of the Three Broomsticks, he was suddenly struck with an idea.

"Narcissa, would you mind if I spent some more time here? I'll Apparate home in about an hour or so."

She looked at him, suspicious of his plans. "Well... I suppose not. Do try to be home before eight, though. Draco and Hermione are coming over. They have an announcement to make or something of the sort."

"I still can't believe you approve of that ribbon stealing bastard fornicating with that... mudblood."

"Lucius, he did not steal your ribbons. And how do you know that they are having premarital relations?"

"Oh, don't be so dim, Narcissa. Have you seen the way they look at each other? It's simply disgusting. And I also remember how it is at that age. We Malfoy men can't help being so damn irresistable."

She tried to suppress her laughter as Lucius stopped to look at his reflection, spending a good five minutes adjusting his new ribbons in his silky platinum blonde hair.

"Er, Lucius... I think I'll be going now. I need to get the house elves to start preparing."

"Yes, yes. I'll see you later, then."

With a pop, Narcissa Disapparated, waking Lucius from his self obsessed reverie.

"Oh well," he sighed. "I guess I should go now."

He flipped his hair back as he started walking in the direction of Hogwarts, his snake cane faithfully at his side.

Meanwhile... at Hogwarts... specifically in the Potions classroom...

Severus Snape sat in front of a cauldron, slowly stirring some random potion. He was surrounded by various bottles, all of them nearly empty. There was a very content look plastered across his face, due to the fact that today was a Saturday, which meant he didn't have to deal with the incessant stupidity of the dunderheads he had to teach. And the fact that Voldemort no longer existed certainly brightened his mood. Yes, Harry was still alive, but you can't have everything.

A knock at his door suddenly shattered the peaceful silence.

He slowly made his way to the door, wand pulled out, just in case. As the door opened, he found a very disturbing sight. Lucius was standing there, twirling a lock of his hair around.

"Severus! How are you?"

"Er... I was just making a potion."

"How boring. You should really get out sometime."

"I'm flattered that you care so much about my social life, Lucius. Now, why are you here?"

"Well...you see, I'm going through a bit of a crisis."

"Oh, I see," said Severus, looking very bored. "And what makes you think that I would care?"

Lucius then launched into a long tirade about ribbons, and other such things, as Severus desperately tried to remember where he kept his most potent poisons.

"...and that's why I think that silk is much more preferable than satin."

"Lucius...you're not swinging that way, are you?"

"Oh, goodness no, Severus. How could I be? I mean, I'm still with Narcissa, aren't I? And I obviously couldn't do something like that if I was still with her."

"Well, she is quite dim. After all, she is from the 'noble and most ancient house of Black' ...noble and ancient my arse."

"I think it's about time you get over your rivalry with Sirius Black. He has been dead for quite a while now."

He chose to ignore this statement, and returned to stirring his potion, his greasy black hair covering most of his face.

"Speaking of a long time, when was the last time you washed your hair?"

Severus replied with a glare, but that didn't stop Lucius.

"I know of a wonderful shampoo that will just wash away the years, and make those lovely locks shiny."

"You know what, Lucius," he said, a scary smile playing on his lips. "I've got an idea. Why don't you try some of this in that...lovely hair of yours."

He thrust a bottle of *Snape's Hair Grease*-get greasy locks from your crown to your nape! into his hands.

"No thanks, Severus. I like my hair the way it is. Although I never knew you had your own line of hair products. Never thought you'd follow in the footsteps of Gilderoy Lockhart."

"Get out."

"Fine. It makes sense that you'd envy someone as wonderful as Lockhart."

"I'm perfectly fine with not being an inept prat, thanks."

"Well, I'm afraid I must depart."

"Oh, how terrible. I'll try not to be sad," Severus said sarcastically, while pushing Lucius out of the room.

Sighing, he picked up his bottle of hair grease. "Oh well, more for me then."

~Fin~

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