. . . Betcha thought I was gone! Nope, No such luck! My chapters may be delayed but my mission will be complete! I think this one is especially witty, see what you think! Feel free to write with comments or suggestions, my goal for these stories is accuracy so that people can see how a relationship between Duo and Hilde does fit into the plot-line. There's some German in this fic, but it's all clearly translated. Thank you and enjoy!
Chapter Six: The Never Ending Story
A Normal Day at the New Home...
Routines were formed quickly at the Schbeiker household.
-The early bird got first bathroom privileges.
- Duo always ran from the stray mutt when he went out before sunrise to steal the neighbor's paper.
-Hilde always burnt the bacon and made the perfect biscuits.
-Duo always got stuck with the dishes (and dish-pan hands) when Hilde had to hurry to her at home office. . .
Despite all the new routines and commitments the God of Death had made,
he still couldn't believe how wonderfully everything was coming together. And he
had to admit that half of it wasn't due to his quick thinking, it was due to Hilde's.
The girl, in truth, was a regular marvel! Despite how much money she had,
she just didn't go out and blow it. Rather, they rationed it conscientiously and still
took whatever bank loans that they could.
Why?
This way OZ (and even the Romefeller Foundation), if they were watching
Hilde closely, wouldn't wonder where the sudden surplus of income came from. As
well as that, she had located everything Duo needed for his gundam, and, as the
junkyard business picked up, she purchased it slowly and imported it from different
routes. Sometimes the delivery was to Stan's, sometimes it was to Hilde, and other
times it was to rural repairmen that were associates of Stan's. Either way it went, all
of the parts couldn't be traced to one location. So that was certainly one burden
from Duo's shoulders.
Now if only he could get out of the house more! Damn nosey neighbors!
Duo hated being confined. For the past....... Aw hell, he didn't know how
long he'd been in Hilde's house, even if he did mark off the days on the calendar. It
seemed like five months!
Not that it wasn't cool here. Hell, it was a blast when the woman wasn't
working! But until Hilde came out of her little office for lunch, or at 5:00, Duo
was reduced to the life of a couch potato, something he wasn't used to or sure that
he liked. He'd sit down there on the couch and watch the news with one eye and
the clock with the other.
He had even been reduced to picking up his own messes!
Duo Maxwell cleaning house out of boredom! The sheer shame of it all!
Everytime he picked up an empty potato chip or twinkie bag he felt like a little bit
of his manly soul was being ripped out. Once he got back in Deathscythe, he'd be
living in junk again......
* Frito bags!*
* Crumpled McDonald's sacks!*
Figuring that the news completely sucked and since none of the good toons (like DragonBall Z or Sailor Moon were on) Duo cut off the T.V. and settled down for a nap. After all, in a little while he'd be getting in the final part for Deathscythe. The he'd be able to go out every once in a while and collect Hilde some junk for once!
* * *
Hilde flipped the chicken over again. Last time the loud sizzling almost got
a reaction out of the slumbering pilot...
Maybe if she put some of the grease on him....
But naw! She wouldn't do that! ....
While he was asleep.......
He stirred again. Hilde sighed. Duo thought he had it bad being cooped up
in here. But it wasn't too much fun in there going though papers. Nevertheless,
she was working on finding a way to better occupy Duo. His talent to fix things
could come in handy at some point later, when OZ- no wait, Romefeller- whoever
in the hell was the enemy now!- was taken out.
Hilde removed the chicken from the skillet and looked over at Duo,
somewhat perturbed since dinner was finished and he was still snoozing.
"Alright." she sighed. "Duo, I know you're not going to like this...."
:: :: :: ::
"YAHHHHHAHA!!!!!!!! HAHA- HA---HILDEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
Duo H A T E D being tickled. But sometimes, that was the only way to get
him up...
"Damn it!" He spat. "That's it! You're goin' down now!"
For those who don't know, there was only one way to avoid being killed after arousing the grumpy- and still sleepy- Shini-gami.....
Hilde split into the kitchen, a short enough sprint to make. However that never did her any good, since Duo was still much faster. He tackled her the second her feet touched the tiled kitchen floor.....
But, as always, Hilde was saved by the tantalizing aroma of meat, the one way to save yourself once rudely awaking the God of Death.
As soon as the smell hit Duo, he released his victim, While muttering several
obscenities and vows of death, he plotted aloud the vengeance he would savor later
on. . .
" mphvernumpherf-god-damn-woman-with-the-fuckin'-tickle-pokes!-mph
vernumferf-I'll-get-you-later-,we'll-see-how-well-you-do-sneaking-upon-an-awake
shinigami!-mperfvernumperf-death-is-coming!!!!-mphernumperf!" ::gobble::
::gobble::
Hilde just sighed as Duo continued his munching. What would she really do
without him? Everything else she'd known had been taken from her. And what if
he. . . She wouldn't think about that now. Surely everyone she was close to wouldn't
disappear!
"Have you ever felt the searing blade of my scythe!! Mphver!-numpherf!!!!
She wanted so much more!
Duo was going to break away from her to fight his battles. This was inevitable. After all, that was why Hilde was helping him!
But in the end, she would be alone. . .
"So babe, what of those parts?" Apparently, Duo remembered that he could not yet kill his best friend because he was still in need.
"Hm?" said Hilde, " Was?" * * was=what * *
"Ersatzteile, schon." Duo replied in hesitant German. * * Parts, babe. * *
Hilde couldn't help it but to laugh as Duo strained to pronounciate
correctly. He'd done a good job on that little incomplete sentence.
Duo had started picking up little German phrases about three or four weeks
ago. She'd spoken German so much to annoy him during their time together that
he was starting to construct his own cute little phrases. . . some of which she was
certain that she'd hear shortly. (Fortunately, she had yet to teach him many curse
words!)
"So bald wie moglich, mittwochich glaube."
Hilde replied, knowing full well that Duo wasn't that accomplished at the German
language.
Duo calmly drunk the rest of his coke, and once he finished the refreshment,
he stared Hilde down until she couldn't stop laughing. Finally, he spoke, trying his
best to convey in German the anguish his poor little American heart felt. . .
"Spree's chen see Englisch?! Verdamnt! Was haben sie gesagt, des ist universe
chant! Hilfe! Ich habe mich verirrt!! Ich mochte mit dem gues-u-farts-further
sprechan!!!"
What Duo meant to say in German. . .
* * Do you speak English?! Damn! What is that, that's outrageous! Help! I'm lost!! I'd like
to speak to the manager!!!" * *
What Duo actually said. . .
: : Spree's chen see English?! Damn! What is that, des ist universe-chant! Help! I'm lost!!
I'd like to gues-u-farts-further manager!!! : :
And thus, in less than ten seconds Duo managed to spit out and screw up
almost his entire German vocabulary...
"Duo!" Hilde laughed, "That's, 'Sprechen sie Englisch?! Verdamnt! Was haben
sie gesagt, das ist unverschamt! Hilfe! Ich habe mich verirrt!! Ich mochte mit dem geschaftsfuhrer sprechen!"
" Well, the point remains the same."
"You're terrible. And just so you know, I basically said 'As soon as possible, I
think Wednesday.'"
"WO-HOOOO!!!!" Duo shouted, jumping up and whooping like crazy.
"Duo! Sit down and finish your dinner!" the German girl giggled.
"Hehehe, sorry Hilde."
"In other news," she continued, "the business is picking up slightly. But I
don't think we'll have enough money leftover to finish getting those parts-"
"Well, that's alright, it'd be better than nothin'."
"You didn't let me finish." Hilde said, shaking her finger in his face as she
wore an evil witty grin.
Now, there are certain 'signs' that Duo likes. Such as flipping people off before killing them, the music in horror movies that lets the viewer know that that was not the right door, and Duo liked that special smile Hilde had now. That meant good things that fucked up OZ! He leaned over eagerly, his Shini-gami ego anticipating the news.
"Do I have your attention?"
"Completely."
"Well, when we get in the last vital part, your gundam will be able to
annihilate OZ mobile suits more efficiently. . . I was thinking that we could use
some of those parts to fix your gundam up some more. . ."
Duo laughed out loud, "Hot Damn! You are one smart-ass woman! And the
parts I can't use can be sold in the junkyard!"
"Yup!" Hilde chirped.
"I can hardly wait until Deathscythe is able to earn his keep!"
And with that, Duo cleaned his plate and deposited it in the dishwasher.
"I'm stealin' the shower first." Duo called out as he headed toward to
bathroom.
"Duo, wait! You have to clean the plate in the sink before you put it in the
dishwasher!! You know that!"
"What's that? I can't hear you!"
"Alright!" Hilde announced a little louder, "Hear this! I am taking you
favorite spot on the couch!"
"WHAT!" Duo shrieked (she could tell he'd just made it to the bathroom),
"Evil little shit.....takin' my damn spot, your mother fucked Hitler didn't she?!"
"THAT WAS LOW, MAXWELL!" Hilde yelled.
"Oh what, she did?!"
And with that Duo shut the door and turned on the water.
'That's fine. I'll get him later.' Hilde promised herself.
Being that the God of Death had such lovely hair, he had to maintain it well
when he had the chance. After-all, he did have a deadly image to portray. So Duo
took extra time to shampoo his hair, and even more time to condition it. After
which he took yet still more time to part his hair in three perfectly even chunks to
braid. Finally, after brushing his pearly whites, the Shini-gami emerged from the
restroom to reclaim his favorite couch spot that he had been working so damn hard
to wear in these past few months. . .
This was gonna be a piece of cake. Hilde slept quietly, obviously bored to sleep
after Duo's two and a half hour long shower. . . ! ! ! (Not including shampooing
shampooing and conditioning. . .)
So he just picked her up and moved her to the middle . . .
"Damn, it's dark already!"
With that, Hilde awoke. Undoubtly she wasn't in a deep sleep.
"You jerk-ass."
"Such obscenities." Duo lamented, clicking his tongue in shame. Hilde smiled wryly at the action, and with that, he picked up that stolen paper he'd retrieved earlier that the morning.
"I didn't know we had a subscription." Hilde wondered aloud.
"Sure we do, babe! What do you think I do, steal 'em?!"
Duo shook the paper open, disturbed to find a gigantic hole in the middle of his favorite section.
"Damn dirty dog!" he muttered, casting the paper away. "Now I'll never find out what happened to Dick Tracey!"
Hilde just laughed, "Oh Duo, you are shameless!"
"What!? What's shameless?! Hilde, if you think for one second that I would steal Mrs. Gerbeshien's paper, you are barking up the wrong tree, missy!! - Speaking of barking, I've got to do something about that dog!- What an shameless accusation! And I thought you were my friend!"
"I can't belive you stole her paper, Duo! You go over there right now and return it!"
"HELL NO!!!! Hilde, have you seen that dog out there! It's vicious!!! An unparalled demon from hell booted out by Satan's own hoof!"
"It's just a chihuahua, Duo."
With that Duo ignored Hilde and put on his best pout and changed the channel.
Hilde just shook her head. "Duo, can I ask you a question?" she inquired seriously.
The braided boy paused for a minute as he debated this. Too much knowledge wasn't good for Hilde's health. But eventually, after much deliberation, he decided that it alright for her to ask. After-all, he wasn't agreeing to answer. . .
"Sure, babe."
"Can you tell me about the other pilots. . . just a little??"
"Eh? Why do you want to know about them?"
"Just curious."
"Well, I'll tell ya', they all suck compared to me. . ."
Hilde laughed, "Duo, seriously!"
"I am serious. I'm the man-"
"Oh, come off it!"
"Fine, fine, fine." Duo relented.
"So are they all good looking?" Hilde asked.
"No." Duo said quickly. "And even if they were, there isn't a chance in Hell that they could surpass my beauty."
"Good Grief!" Hilde giggled, "Such vanity!"
"Any-who, you wanted to know about the others- We'll start with the ougliest one, the one whose hair is like a rat's nest- Have you ever seen Gohan's hair on DBZ? That's about it, only worse. . . and let me tell you 01 is crazy! That's the one that blew up his gundam. . ."
"He's still alive, too!" Hilde exclaimed, "He must be hardcore!"
"Hell, babe, we're all hardcore, and it is theorized that the man is human. I personally shot him twice. . ."
"You shot your own comrade!"
"Well, he wasn't then! My motto is 'shoot first, ask questions later.' And besides, I made it up to him. I helped him escape the military hospital. Of course. . . He did steal Deathscythe's parts!!! Damn traitor."
"You don't get along well?" Hilde guessed.
"Naw, we're fine now. We worked together a couple of times and I saw him work a few miracles by deactivating bombs and bustin' my ass off Death row. I'd call him one of my best friends- if I wasn't so afraid of his spandex ass running in here for my blood. . ."
"I can't believe how much you've gone though Duo."
"Me either. Life is screwing me big-time. I don't know too much about the others, except 04. I had to travel with him a bit. That guy is rich, or from a rich family-"
"Are you serious! Which one?!"
"Classified information, babe! But anyways, he's real proper. He scares me. He isn't vicious on the outside to protect himself like the rest of us. He's all kindness. HE APOLOGIZES TO PEOPLE BEFORE HE KILLS THEM! HE HAS THE GALL TO CALL THEM AND TELL THEM HE'S SORRY BEFORE THE BANG!!!"
Hilde laughed out loud.
" I don't know where a guy like that gets the strength to fight, but he has it. He disowned himself from that rich family to fight."
"Wow. . ."
"Funny thing is that he orders a big group of OLD men around, too, and they do whatever he says and call him master!"
"Are you serious!"
"Would the Shini-gami lie to you?"
"Probably. I seem to recall something about the toilet seat. . ."
Duo cleared his throat nervously. "Moving on! - 03 is the one I know the least about. He helped out me and 05 by throwing us some details for our new gundams. . . He coulda' done it in a better fashion. Let me tell you, that guy has a nice left hook. He belches me in the stomach for one comment and there's the information! With it we were able to make a hasty escape when the time came. I tell ya' Hilde, when 03 and I first met, we almost had a big fight! Would you believe 01 and I were fighting troops just fine until that little S.O.B. showed up! It was all under control and then- BOOM!!!!!! Then another BANG here and a POW there! He lets loose about a million missiles and almost hits our damn gundams! And as he caused complete chaos, 01 and I hear something over the coms. . . Apologizing over and over!!!! Hilde, I promise you! That man ,04, either has no balls or balls of steel!!!! But anyways, after 03 nearly blowed the piss out of our gundams, I was naturally eager to return the favor. . ."
"What stopped you?"
"05." Duo said simply.
"Why'd you let him stop you?"
"Didn't you just hear me say '05'! That's reason enough alone! That man scares the shit out of me! He's so quiet, yet he screams so L-O-U-D! . . . When he looks at me, I feel like I'm at the bottom of the fucking food chain!"
Hilde laughed, " What else about him?"
"Well, it's like I said, he's real quiet. Not as quiet as 03, but he is very big on honor and justice. I talked to him mostly when I was in the jail cell, and we both didn't enjoy that close brush with death when they turned off the oxygen in our cells. . . Of course, he was the first to panick when we noticed. But I calmed him down like the naturally level-headed individual that I am, and it is then that this guy remembers that he can go into some fucked up form of suspended animation and does not even have the nerve to teach me the trick! I guess he just thought that he should live and I should die, even though I am the smarter and all out better pilot!!! And I'm best looking, too. . ."
"How did you get out!" Hilde panicked, as if the crisis was present now.
"I dunno." Duo laughed, scratching the back of his head. "Someone turned the air back on and opened the cells. I'm guessing they hated Tuberov. . . a lot."
Hilde was somewhat lost for words. How was she supposed to respond to someone like this? And she was certain he'd gone through even more shit that he hadn't even mentioned! And what kind of shit had he gone through before he got his gundam- and what kind of shit did he go through to get it???
"Duo, " Hilde asked hesitantly, "Can you tell me how you got your gundam?"
"Sorry, babe." Duo answered simply, as if she'd asked a simple question. "Can't do that."
"Oh."Hilde said, somewhat disappointed, "maybe, later?. . After the war?"
Duo paused a bit before laughing, "Yeah, after the war. . . if it ever ends."
"You guys will end it." his friend said assuredly.
"Wish I had that confidence." Duo sighed, flicking to yet another channel.
There was an awkward silence between the two, as the reporters on Channel 18 babbled on about Tuberov's Mobile Doll advancement, updates on the severing of the OZ factions, and the latest news on the Sanc Kingdom. Needless to say, Duo felt sorry for the blond girl he'd seen earlier. Even he could tell that her peaceful little paradise was soon to be fucked.
It brought up a question he'd been thinking about for some time now, about all the pilots. Where they were exactly now, what they were working on, how they were. . . ? ? ?
"Hilde, I didn't actually offend you earlier did I? Ya' know when I said your momma fucked Hitler?" Duo inquired, desiring to change the subject present on his mind.
Hilde herself was a bit startled by this out-of-the-blue question. Duo never usually asked about stuff like that. He just assumed she knew. And she always did.
"No, Duo. It didn't. I'll just get you back later, that's all."
"Is that so?"
"Ja." * * Yes. * *
Duo smirked. "You'll need to pray pretty hard tonight if you want to do that."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't need to pray, it won't be hard."
For some strange reason, though Duo didn't know the origin of it, a rather pleasing mental image ran though his mind of Hilde in tight black leather flipping a whip. . . ready to get him back.
" Good night, Hilde." Duo said, flicking off the T.V.
"Good night, Duo. And sweet dreams. . ." Hilde called as she shut the door.
Duo grinned wickedly as that sight re-entered his mind.
"I will."