Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no
money from this...just fun!
A/N: Yay! Third chapter. Anyway, some answers to reviews...OOC means Out Of Character...Ron WILL get better, have no fear...most men are idiots at times. ;o) There are going to be a few twists...one of them is in this chapter, but there are more to come...and do try to remember that this story is silly guys. ;o) By no means should you take it completly seriously. This all stems from my sick and twisted imagination and I'm having fun writing it, so it'll continue. (I think in some ways, I'D like to be in Hermione's position, able to torture some poor guy...lol Oh well!)
Chapter Three: Knowledge is Power
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The Charms classroom was empty and cold. There were a few large candles lit around the room, giving it an eerie feel, and all was quiet but for the sound of a pair of shoes softly clicking across the floor. Hermione paced back and forth, occasionally pausing to mutter angrily to herself. Ron was now five minutes late. She didn't mind that he wasn't there. On the contrary, it gave her plenty of time to decide what she was going to do with him. As she seated herself upon one of the long desks along the walls, she thought about a conversation she had had a few hours past.
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She had been sitting in the library, reading through her advanced Potions notes and trying to complete her homework when Neville Longbottom came stumbling into her table. She glanced up at him and raised one eyebrow, tapping her long fingers on the table. "What in the WORLD are you doing Neville?"
He took the seat across from her, glancing around as if making sure no one was spying on them. He then looked Hermione in the eye and leaned toward her. "I've got something to tell you Hermione. But you've got to promise you won't say who told you."
Hermione had nodded quickly before pushing her books aside and folding her arms on the table. Neville looked extremely nervous, his eyes darting back and forth constantly. She frowned at him and rested her chin in one hand. "Well, what is it?"
Neville gulped, giving one last frightened look before whispering, "Seamus Finnigan bet Ron Weasley 50 galleons that Ron couldn't get you to have sex with him. He's bedded all the girls in Gryffindor...all but you...and now he wants to make his record complete. He was telling us yesterday about how you agreed to teach him to become the marrying type and how he's planning to seduce you. I know that your first lesson is today, so I figured I'd give you the heads up." Neville sighed deeply in relief, obviously happy to have that off this back.
Inside, Hermione had been fuming. She had never felt as angry as she had at that very moment and wanted nothing more than to find Ron and tear him limb from limb, making sure he'd never be able to feel pleasure at a woman's expense again. But Hermione was smart. Brilliant, in fact. As she had stared at Neville, trying not to give in to her explosive anger, her mind had deducted a plan to even the score. She wasn't going to just yell at Ron and then let him go on, never feeling the embarrassment she was facing...no. She was going to make him wish he had never been born.
Hermione had thanked Neville then, stood, and started to retrieve her things when a thought stuck her. "Neville..." she asked, "Why did you come to me and tell me instead of just letting them do it?"
Neville blushed, scratching his head. "You've always been nice to me Hermione...helping me in our classes and letting me borrow your notes...I couldn't just let them do that to you. You're a good person and you don't deserve the pain they were going to inflict on you...although I'm sure your embarrassment would have been nothing like Ron's will be now that you know." Hermione had given him a questioning look and he had explained the terms for the bet. She had laughed, thanked Neville and walked off, plotting her revenge.
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Now Hermione sat alone in the Charms room, reviewing this lesson over and over again in her head. Yes, Ronald Weasley would pay for his crimes against women. This would be a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.
She was lost in thought when the door suddenly banged open, producing a very nervous looking Ron. He was panting hard, looking around desperately to make sure she hadn't left. Hermione smiled grimly as he ran a shaking hand through his hair, then quietly called out, "Boo."
Ron turned to where she was concealed in the shadows and squinted to see her better. She lifted herself off the desk and walked toward him, swaying her hips to a silent rhythm. He smiled slightly as she entered the light. She sized him up and wasn't surprised to see he had chosen clothes to show off his muscular body. He was predictable as usual. She, however, was wearing a simple Hogwarts sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, as she always dressed more for comfort and less for style. In her opinion, there was no need to show off her goods and make men thirst for what they couldn't have...at least, not yet.
"You're late." She spoke softly, glaring at him with a maddening smile upon her face. "If you really want to change for the better, Mr. Weasley, you're gong to have to be here on time. I'm a very busy girl and I don't have time to sit around and wait all day. Now please, take a seat." Hermione turned, facing the windows in the classroom and suppressed a laugh. It felt so good to give him orders, as if she were Professor McGonagall herself. She found she liked this feeling very much.
Ron sat himself on a chair that Hermione had placed in the middle of the room and folded his hands like a good boy. She knew he was waiting for her to speak, but having him wait would be a trial for him, adding some dramatic flair to this lesson. Hermione glanced at herself in the windows one more time before spinning around and sitting down upon a chair in front of Ron. "Now Mr. Weasley...I know you want to transform into 'commitment guy' overnight, but that's just not possible. It will be awhile before you are able to want to settle down and commit, but I have no doubt we'll be able to fix you right up. Now then, I need to ask you some questions to better prepare these...lessons. Is that all right?"
He nodded, evidently stunned into silence. She smiled at him in an encouraging way and looked toward the desk where she had been sitting at. "Accio paper. Accio quill. Accio ink bottle." The items flew to her hand and she started to write down notes. "Good. Now, is there any one girl you have in mind?"
"Yes."
"Right...now, what is it you're hoping to achieve here?"
"Uh...I'm hoping that I'll be able to stop having one night stands and to show this girl that I am ready to commit to her." Ron looked slightly confused at her question.
"Good, good...do you mind if I take off this shirt? It's getting hot in here." Before Ron could answer, Hermione pulled her sweatshirt up over her head and threw it on the floor beside her. "Phew,"she said, "that's much better!"
She was very satisfied when Ron's eyes practically bulged out of his sockets. She gingerly tossed her hair over her shoulder and examined his reaction. She was wearing a tight, low-cut black tank top that she had borrowed from Ginny and she knew it gave her plenty of cleavage to spare. Ron's eyes were glued to her chest, awe and surprise written all over his face. She cleared her throat, smirking. "Well then, where were we? Oh yes...the questions. Now Mr. Weasley, are you willing to do all I tell you without complaint? Note that everything we will do here is in your very best interest, and that I am trying to help you to the best of my ability. Do you agree to do all I say? Mr. Weasley? MR. WEASLEY?"
Ron's gaze finally adjusted on her face and nodded, confused. She had the feeling that he could have sold his soul to the Devil at that moment and never have known it. She was sure he had no idea what she was talking about, but it didn't matter. She was going to make him suffer either way. "Very good, Mr. Weasley. Now, women today require very little. Many men believe that they must buy diamonds and expensive gifts to keep their women happy and their relationship stable, but that is not the case. What you need to do to win over your girl is treat her with respect, give her plenty of affection, speak loving words to her and show her how much you care. Remember, Mr. Weasley, communication is key. Do you follow?"
Ron nodded and grinned at her, leaning his chair on its back two legs. Hermione frowned at him. "Right then. Our first lesson will be to teach you to act like a gentleman, and not a heathen. Women do not want a slobbering oaf who swears every other word and makes crude jokes continuously. They want someone who will treat them with respect, like an equal. Now Mr. Weasley, did you know that all four legs of a chair belong on the floor?"
Ron's grin grew larger and he pushed his chair even further back. "I don't actually believe that theory, no." Hermione smiled patiently.
"It's a very good theory indeed. Do you know what tends to happen when you tip your chair like that, Mr. Weasley?"
"No," Ron baited, "what?"
Hermione stretched out her leg and kicked Ron's chair with all her might. He went toppling backwards, his arms flailing about. He landed on his back, his legs sticking in the air. Hermione smirked and spoke casually. "They tip backwards."
He rolled off the chair, crawling to his feet and scowling at Hermione. After sitting the chair upright again, he sat back down and folded his arms, pouting in an angry i'm-a-child-and-you-wont-buy-me-a- Larry-Water-action-figure kind of way. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued on with her lesson. "Tell me Mr. Weasley...If a girl is crying and you have no idea what's wrong with her, what do you say?"
Ron huffed a moment before answering her, "What's the hell is your problem?"
Hermione stared at him, trying to determine if he was serious. He was. She shook her head and said, "No. When a girl is crying, you ask her what is the matter and try to comfort her. She may want to be left alone every once in a while, but more often than not, she needs you to be there for her. You don't really have to say anything. If you listen to her and then hold her in your arms, she would be more than pleased."
Ron now looked more attentive to what she was saying. She was glad he was over his little anger fit and continued on with the questions. "If a girl asks you if she looks fat in an outfit, what do you say?"
Ron's looked at his hands, deep in thought. Hermione found herself gazing at his full lips. They looked unbelievably soft. She instantly found herself daydreaming about kissing him in a down pour on a secluded road some where. He would run his hands through her hair, tenderly assaulting her mouth with his. He would slowly kiss along her jawbone, and when he reached her ear, he would tell her how beautiful she was, and how he longed to hold her forever, how he would forsake all others for her, how -
"HERMIONE!" Ron's beautiful mouth was yelling at her. She snapped out of her revelry and blinked. He looked amused. That was not a good sign.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Weasley..." she said hesitantly. "I was thinking about my Herbology homework and got caught up in it. What was your answer?"
Ron gave her a pointed look. "I said I would tell her the truth. If she looked fat, I'd tell her she looked fat. If she was hot, I'd tell her that I'd like to take those jeans she was wearing and - "
"All right then Weasley, too much information." Hermione paused. "And I never said she was wearing jeans. Just an outfit." Ron immediately flushed bright red, his blue eyes widening. Hermione tried her best not to laugh. "But unless she is the type that can handle the truth, it's best to just tell her she looks good in everything she wears. You're liable to lose certain body parts if you tell her she's fat."
Ron nodded very quickly, swallowing so hard his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Well then, can we call it a night? I have a load of homework to do before tomorrow." He practically jumped out of his chair, rushing for the door.
"Wait!" Hermione called. He paused and slowly turned back to look at her. She grabbed a piece of paper from her pad and walked to where he stood. "I have an assignment for you. I want you to write a poem for tomorrow, a very romantic one that a girl would melt over." As Hermione spoke, she stepped in close to him, casually leaning against him and rubbing her chest again his arm. "Let's see how well you do with written words, hmm? Although if you write in bed, I'm sure you'll be fine." Hermione smiled up at Ron and gave her best seductive look. "And I'm sure you're very good in bed."
Ron's mouth gaped. "W-w-what?" he stammered.
Hermione smiled politely. "I find that I write some of my best poetry when I am trying to fall asleep. Inspiration comes in the form of moonlight sometimes. I'm sure you'll be just as good in bed as I am."
Ron's eyes were as big as Dobby the house elf's as he stared at Hermione. "Right...right then...I've got to...um...go to bed now. Write that poem. See you tomorrow at seven. Bye!" Ron ran off to the Gryffindor tower as fast as he could. Hermione couldn't help the laughter that came bubbling from her lips. The great and powerful Ronald "The Sex King" Weasley had just been flabbergasted by a girl with no sexual experience. Did life get any better than this?
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A/N: Yay! Third chapter. Anyway, some answers to reviews...OOC means Out Of Character...Ron WILL get better, have no fear...most men are idiots at times. ;o) There are going to be a few twists...one of them is in this chapter, but there are more to come...and do try to remember that this story is silly guys. ;o) By no means should you take it completly seriously. This all stems from my sick and twisted imagination and I'm having fun writing it, so it'll continue. (I think in some ways, I'D like to be in Hermione's position, able to torture some poor guy...lol Oh well!)
Chapter Three: Knowledge is Power
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The Charms classroom was empty and cold. There were a few large candles lit around the room, giving it an eerie feel, and all was quiet but for the sound of a pair of shoes softly clicking across the floor. Hermione paced back and forth, occasionally pausing to mutter angrily to herself. Ron was now five minutes late. She didn't mind that he wasn't there. On the contrary, it gave her plenty of time to decide what she was going to do with him. As she seated herself upon one of the long desks along the walls, she thought about a conversation she had had a few hours past.
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She had been sitting in the library, reading through her advanced Potions notes and trying to complete her homework when Neville Longbottom came stumbling into her table. She glanced up at him and raised one eyebrow, tapping her long fingers on the table. "What in the WORLD are you doing Neville?"
He took the seat across from her, glancing around as if making sure no one was spying on them. He then looked Hermione in the eye and leaned toward her. "I've got something to tell you Hermione. But you've got to promise you won't say who told you."
Hermione had nodded quickly before pushing her books aside and folding her arms on the table. Neville looked extremely nervous, his eyes darting back and forth constantly. She frowned at him and rested her chin in one hand. "Well, what is it?"
Neville gulped, giving one last frightened look before whispering, "Seamus Finnigan bet Ron Weasley 50 galleons that Ron couldn't get you to have sex with him. He's bedded all the girls in Gryffindor...all but you...and now he wants to make his record complete. He was telling us yesterday about how you agreed to teach him to become the marrying type and how he's planning to seduce you. I know that your first lesson is today, so I figured I'd give you the heads up." Neville sighed deeply in relief, obviously happy to have that off this back.
Inside, Hermione had been fuming. She had never felt as angry as she had at that very moment and wanted nothing more than to find Ron and tear him limb from limb, making sure he'd never be able to feel pleasure at a woman's expense again. But Hermione was smart. Brilliant, in fact. As she had stared at Neville, trying not to give in to her explosive anger, her mind had deducted a plan to even the score. She wasn't going to just yell at Ron and then let him go on, never feeling the embarrassment she was facing...no. She was going to make him wish he had never been born.
Hermione had thanked Neville then, stood, and started to retrieve her things when a thought stuck her. "Neville..." she asked, "Why did you come to me and tell me instead of just letting them do it?"
Neville blushed, scratching his head. "You've always been nice to me Hermione...helping me in our classes and letting me borrow your notes...I couldn't just let them do that to you. You're a good person and you don't deserve the pain they were going to inflict on you...although I'm sure your embarrassment would have been nothing like Ron's will be now that you know." Hermione had given him a questioning look and he had explained the terms for the bet. She had laughed, thanked Neville and walked off, plotting her revenge.
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Now Hermione sat alone in the Charms room, reviewing this lesson over and over again in her head. Yes, Ronald Weasley would pay for his crimes against women. This would be a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.
She was lost in thought when the door suddenly banged open, producing a very nervous looking Ron. He was panting hard, looking around desperately to make sure she hadn't left. Hermione smiled grimly as he ran a shaking hand through his hair, then quietly called out, "Boo."
Ron turned to where she was concealed in the shadows and squinted to see her better. She lifted herself off the desk and walked toward him, swaying her hips to a silent rhythm. He smiled slightly as she entered the light. She sized him up and wasn't surprised to see he had chosen clothes to show off his muscular body. He was predictable as usual. She, however, was wearing a simple Hogwarts sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, as she always dressed more for comfort and less for style. In her opinion, there was no need to show off her goods and make men thirst for what they couldn't have...at least, not yet.
"You're late." She spoke softly, glaring at him with a maddening smile upon her face. "If you really want to change for the better, Mr. Weasley, you're gong to have to be here on time. I'm a very busy girl and I don't have time to sit around and wait all day. Now please, take a seat." Hermione turned, facing the windows in the classroom and suppressed a laugh. It felt so good to give him orders, as if she were Professor McGonagall herself. She found she liked this feeling very much.
Ron sat himself on a chair that Hermione had placed in the middle of the room and folded his hands like a good boy. She knew he was waiting for her to speak, but having him wait would be a trial for him, adding some dramatic flair to this lesson. Hermione glanced at herself in the windows one more time before spinning around and sitting down upon a chair in front of Ron. "Now Mr. Weasley...I know you want to transform into 'commitment guy' overnight, but that's just not possible. It will be awhile before you are able to want to settle down and commit, but I have no doubt we'll be able to fix you right up. Now then, I need to ask you some questions to better prepare these...lessons. Is that all right?"
He nodded, evidently stunned into silence. She smiled at him in an encouraging way and looked toward the desk where she had been sitting at. "Accio paper. Accio quill. Accio ink bottle." The items flew to her hand and she started to write down notes. "Good. Now, is there any one girl you have in mind?"
"Yes."
"Right...now, what is it you're hoping to achieve here?"
"Uh...I'm hoping that I'll be able to stop having one night stands and to show this girl that I am ready to commit to her." Ron looked slightly confused at her question.
"Good, good...do you mind if I take off this shirt? It's getting hot in here." Before Ron could answer, Hermione pulled her sweatshirt up over her head and threw it on the floor beside her. "Phew,"she said, "that's much better!"
She was very satisfied when Ron's eyes practically bulged out of his sockets. She gingerly tossed her hair over her shoulder and examined his reaction. She was wearing a tight, low-cut black tank top that she had borrowed from Ginny and she knew it gave her plenty of cleavage to spare. Ron's eyes were glued to her chest, awe and surprise written all over his face. She cleared her throat, smirking. "Well then, where were we? Oh yes...the questions. Now Mr. Weasley, are you willing to do all I tell you without complaint? Note that everything we will do here is in your very best interest, and that I am trying to help you to the best of my ability. Do you agree to do all I say? Mr. Weasley? MR. WEASLEY?"
Ron's gaze finally adjusted on her face and nodded, confused. She had the feeling that he could have sold his soul to the Devil at that moment and never have known it. She was sure he had no idea what she was talking about, but it didn't matter. She was going to make him suffer either way. "Very good, Mr. Weasley. Now, women today require very little. Many men believe that they must buy diamonds and expensive gifts to keep their women happy and their relationship stable, but that is not the case. What you need to do to win over your girl is treat her with respect, give her plenty of affection, speak loving words to her and show her how much you care. Remember, Mr. Weasley, communication is key. Do you follow?"
Ron nodded and grinned at her, leaning his chair on its back two legs. Hermione frowned at him. "Right then. Our first lesson will be to teach you to act like a gentleman, and not a heathen. Women do not want a slobbering oaf who swears every other word and makes crude jokes continuously. They want someone who will treat them with respect, like an equal. Now Mr. Weasley, did you know that all four legs of a chair belong on the floor?"
Ron's grin grew larger and he pushed his chair even further back. "I don't actually believe that theory, no." Hermione smiled patiently.
"It's a very good theory indeed. Do you know what tends to happen when you tip your chair like that, Mr. Weasley?"
"No," Ron baited, "what?"
Hermione stretched out her leg and kicked Ron's chair with all her might. He went toppling backwards, his arms flailing about. He landed on his back, his legs sticking in the air. Hermione smirked and spoke casually. "They tip backwards."
He rolled off the chair, crawling to his feet and scowling at Hermione. After sitting the chair upright again, he sat back down and folded his arms, pouting in an angry i'm-a-child-and-you-wont-buy-me-a- Larry-Water-action-figure kind of way. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued on with her lesson. "Tell me Mr. Weasley...If a girl is crying and you have no idea what's wrong with her, what do you say?"
Ron huffed a moment before answering her, "What's the hell is your problem?"
Hermione stared at him, trying to determine if he was serious. He was. She shook her head and said, "No. When a girl is crying, you ask her what is the matter and try to comfort her. She may want to be left alone every once in a while, but more often than not, she needs you to be there for her. You don't really have to say anything. If you listen to her and then hold her in your arms, she would be more than pleased."
Ron now looked more attentive to what she was saying. She was glad he was over his little anger fit and continued on with the questions. "If a girl asks you if she looks fat in an outfit, what do you say?"
Ron's looked at his hands, deep in thought. Hermione found herself gazing at his full lips. They looked unbelievably soft. She instantly found herself daydreaming about kissing him in a down pour on a secluded road some where. He would run his hands through her hair, tenderly assaulting her mouth with his. He would slowly kiss along her jawbone, and when he reached her ear, he would tell her how beautiful she was, and how he longed to hold her forever, how he would forsake all others for her, how -
"HERMIONE!" Ron's beautiful mouth was yelling at her. She snapped out of her revelry and blinked. He looked amused. That was not a good sign.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Weasley..." she said hesitantly. "I was thinking about my Herbology homework and got caught up in it. What was your answer?"
Ron gave her a pointed look. "I said I would tell her the truth. If she looked fat, I'd tell her she looked fat. If she was hot, I'd tell her that I'd like to take those jeans she was wearing and - "
"All right then Weasley, too much information." Hermione paused. "And I never said she was wearing jeans. Just an outfit." Ron immediately flushed bright red, his blue eyes widening. Hermione tried her best not to laugh. "But unless she is the type that can handle the truth, it's best to just tell her she looks good in everything she wears. You're liable to lose certain body parts if you tell her she's fat."
Ron nodded very quickly, swallowing so hard his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Well then, can we call it a night? I have a load of homework to do before tomorrow." He practically jumped out of his chair, rushing for the door.
"Wait!" Hermione called. He paused and slowly turned back to look at her. She grabbed a piece of paper from her pad and walked to where he stood. "I have an assignment for you. I want you to write a poem for tomorrow, a very romantic one that a girl would melt over." As Hermione spoke, she stepped in close to him, casually leaning against him and rubbing her chest again his arm. "Let's see how well you do with written words, hmm? Although if you write in bed, I'm sure you'll be fine." Hermione smiled up at Ron and gave her best seductive look. "And I'm sure you're very good in bed."
Ron's mouth gaped. "W-w-what?" he stammered.
Hermione smiled politely. "I find that I write some of my best poetry when I am trying to fall asleep. Inspiration comes in the form of moonlight sometimes. I'm sure you'll be just as good in bed as I am."
Ron's eyes were as big as Dobby the house elf's as he stared at Hermione. "Right...right then...I've got to...um...go to bed now. Write that poem. See you tomorrow at seven. Bye!" Ron ran off to the Gryffindor tower as fast as he could. Hermione couldn't help the laughter that came bubbling from her lips. The great and powerful Ronald "The Sex King" Weasley had just been flabbergasted by a girl with no sexual experience. Did life get any better than this?
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