Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun! The song "Like a Virgin" is by Madonna, and "I touch myself" is by the Divinyls.
AN: Bwa ha ha! SURELY you didn't think that it would end THERE?! OK, so did I. But then came the epilogue. I wasn't drunk when I wrote this. REALLY! (I no drink. Drinking BAD!) I just wanted to emphasis the happy ending a bit more...plus I had some ideas that needed to be put in, but tha story was finished! This is just as stupid as the rest of the story, and please don't take offense to what it's about. And for GOODNESS SAKES BRITTNEY, I HOPE THIS PLEASES YOU!! LoL And OMB, I can't believe FlorenceWeasleySnape reviewed this story and liked it. I was so proud. And Vivian Kane, love that story! I live in Canton. And to all my OTHER reviewers, I love you! Oodee, you rock! Araanaz, I'm glad you feel better! And I forgot, but last chapter, when Dean ruined the end of the book her Hermione? That is dedicated to Mr. Christopher Clark, and Mr. Christopher Morris, who tried to CALL me and ALL they were going to say was the name of the person who died when I picked up, RUINING IT FOR ME!! I was three chapters away, but thankfully, I was out at karaoke. *grin*HA HA! Anyway, I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked for this epilogue, but hey -- who cares? LOL BYE!
EPILOGUE
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~
Hermione closed the book she was holding in her hands, breathing deeply. She was finally finished with Larry Water and the Purple Dinosaur, the sixth book in the series. It had been wonderful, bursting to the seams with adventure, thrilling fights, and romance. It was worth every galleon she had paid at Flourish and Blotts. As she gazed at the back cover, she couldn't help but feel content. Life was so good to her! She had a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, a large family, and the best friends anyone could ask for. In the three years since she had graduated from Hogwarts, she had never had one regret. Her marriage to Ron two months past had been the icing on the proverbial cake, making life blessedly sweet, but never boring.
"Ron, when are you coming to bed?" She called out, wondering why her new husband was taking so long in the bathroom.
"Sheesh, hold on a moment, 'Mione! Give a guy a chance to brush his bloody teeth! So impatient. Never met a wench who wanted me in bed more."
"Thank the Lord for that, Ronald Weasley. I'd have to skewer her on a stick for even thinking of my husband that way." She sat the book on her bedside table, tightening her robe belt a tiny bit more. She pulled aside the blanket, stepping out of their large bed onto the cold, wood floor. As she padded her way to the bathroom, leaning her ear against the door, she realized he was humming very softly.
She opened the door a little ways, sneaking a peak at Ron. He stood in front of the mirror wearing nothing but boxers, dancing around, his toothbrush being used as a microphone. She watched as he grabbed a pink towel, throwing it on his head like a veil. As he danced around with his eyes closed, he started singing in a high falsetto, "I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you! I was beat. Incomplete! I'd been had! I was sad and blue, but you made me feel...yes, you ma-a-a-ade me feel shiny and new! Like a virgin touched for the very first time! Like a vi-i-i-irgin! When your hearts beat next to mine!"
What Ron didn't realize while he was dancing to his little hearts content was that Hermione had snuck in the bathroom. She carefully closed the door, moving so that she was right in front of him, sitting on the sink. She grinned playfully as he continued to dance, waving his hands over his head with his eyes closed. He was obviously enjoying the music in his mind. She pulled the pink towel off his head, causing his eyes to fly open, his face flushing a lovely shade of red. Hermione giggled before belting, "Gonna give you all my love boy! My fear is fading fast. Been saving it all for you, only love can last!
She pulled him between her legs, wrapping them around his waist before continuing, "You're so fine! And you're MINE! Make me strong, yes, you make me bold! And your loved thawed out, yes, your lo-o-o-ove thawed out what was scared and cold!" She pecked him on his lips before jumping down, pressing herself against him, swaying her hips to the music. Ron grinned, singing along with her, "Like a virgin, HEY! Touched for the very first time! Like a vi-i-i-irgin! When your hearts beat next to mine!" Ron pressed her up against the sink, grinding his hips against hers. He lowered his lips until they almost touched hers, desire flashing in his eyes. "See what you do to me, 'Mione? It's not fair to get me all hot and bothered like this. What have you got to say for yourself?"
She bit her lip, pondering his predicament for a moment before looking him in the eye and singing, "I love myself, I want you to love me. When I feel down, I want YOU above me. I search myself, I want you to find me. I forget myself, I want you to remind me!" She pushed at his chest, once again sitting herself on the sink, making him watch what she was doing. She opened her legs, the robe covering what he wanted to see most and started running her hands up and down her legs. She continued singing, "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself! Ohhh, I don't want anybody else, oh no, oh no, oh no!"
Ron's breathing was erratic. As he started forward, aching to touch her, Hermione held out her hand, stopping him. She shook her head slowly, making him curse her power over him. His eyes bulged as she untied the robe belt, slowly opening it up so that he could see she was wearing nothing but a lacey black bra and matching pair of panties. She tossed the robe to the floor along with the towel, her eyes meeting his. She ran her fingers over her breasts, smoothing them over her tummy. She sang softly as her hand continued moving south. "I want you. I don't want nobody else..." Her hand reached the top of her skimpy panties, making Ron pant for air. He stared at her hand, his tongue hanging out, his erection throbbing with need. Her fingers moved a little lower. "And when I think about you..." Ron's body was shaking as she moved her hand to touch his favorite part of her body, caressing herself through her panties. "I touch myself. Mmm..." She threw her head back as she closed her eyes, her fingers rubbing harder, "mmm...MMM...OH!"
Hermione found herself thrown over Ron's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He ran toward the bed, tossing her on it. Hermione watched as he fumbled with his boxers, finally ripping them apart in frustration. "Ron!" she cried, "those were your favourite pair!"
He growled like an animal, throwing himself on top of her. "I'll buy new ones!" He ravished her mouth like man starved, his hands urgently roving all over her body. He had his hands buried in her hair, his tongue lavishing her neck, when the phone rang. They groaned, not at all happy with this new disturbance in their love making. Hermione wondered what had possessed her to ever get a phone, but then remembered that her parents called nearly everyday. They let it ring, hoping whoever it was would soon give up, realizing that they were busy at the moment. Five minutes later, the phone was still ringing. "DAMMIT!" Ron rolled over off her, his hands pounding the bed, "ANSWER THE DAMN TALEYCONE!"
Hermione tried to steady her breathing, reaching for the phone. "It's 'telephone', dear." She picked up, ready to hex whoever it was into a giant blue candy cane. "Hello?"
The person on the other end started to sing, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family! With a great big hug and kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too?"
Her face had gone completely pale, her eyes wide. "WHO IS THIS!?"
"Let me share your toy, Hermione! Caring is sharing!"
Hermione stared at the phone for a few seconds more before looking at Ron and screaming.
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~
Harry Potter hung up the phone at his apartment. He smiled to himself before looking back at Ginny, who was sitting on her knees on the bed. She smirked at him, her head tilted. "What did she say?"
He grinned, fingering a lock of her hair. "She just screamed. I don't think she'll be forgetting that dream for a while."
Ginny smacked his hand away playfully, pulling him down so that he was laying on his back. "Good. I think we should remind her every now and then just how precious Ron is, and how lucky she is not to be with Viktor Krum. It was genius, slipping that dream potion into her drink while Ron was dancing on the table. After that nightmare, she forgave him instantly. How in the world did you come up with that dream anyhow?"
Harry shrugged. "Just asked myself, 'if I were Hermione, what would I be scared of?' The answer, of course, would be Professor McGonagall having sex with Professor Snape, Viktor Krum trying to control her, Barney, and bananas."
Ginny looked at him thoughtfully, then raised one eyebrow. "Actually, I think the only thing she would be scared of in that is Viktor Krum trying to control her. I do believe that YOU are the one scared of the rest of those things."
His eyes grew large as he looked her her. "Uh...no speak English?"
Ginny wrapped her arms around him, her laughter filling the air. She calmed herself down before pulling back to look at him, her eyes narrowed. "You never told me you were afraid of bananas."
"That's only because you used one on me one time."
"Oh..." Ginny thought for a moment before smiling sheepishly. "I forgot."
"Yes...well...who should we prank now?"
She stared at Harry, an impish grin growing on her face. "Let's call Draco! Let's tell him that they've started a branch of 'Gays for Voldemort' in Surrey, and we want him to join! Instead of a DEATH Eater, he can be a - "
"NO, MENTAL IMAGE BAD. STOP. I GET IT." Harry once again picked up the phone, dialing the number for the Malfoy residence, which now included Draco's Life Partner, Seamus Finnigan. He cleared his throat as it rang, looking at Ginny. He smiled. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"
She blushed, looking down at her hands. "Nearly every hour."
"Well, it's true. I love you more than anyone else in the world."
As Harry pushed her hair back from her face, he couldn't help but think once more that he was the luckiest man in the world. Bananas and all, she was the only girl for him.
And they all lived happily ever after.
With no bananas.
And no Viktor.
And no war in the Middle East.
And no forsnicketing, dumbass, pain in my be-hind BARNEY, who needs to be killed slowly and painfully with a dull knife, or a crayon, or something...pointy.
And no Harry/Hermione people, who have many issues with reality, which is really what this story is about.
Really.
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~
AN: Annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. Every H/Hr peep is gonna try to hex me, but it won't work. I've got protection. *grin* TOO BAD! Hope you liked it. Pointless, irrelevant, silly. Some of the best things to be. :oD
R/HR FOREVER!!!!
- Stephanie Eversole, member of S.P.A.D.
AN: Bwa ha ha! SURELY you didn't think that it would end THERE?! OK, so did I. But then came the epilogue. I wasn't drunk when I wrote this. REALLY! (I no drink. Drinking BAD!) I just wanted to emphasis the happy ending a bit more...plus I had some ideas that needed to be put in, but tha story was finished! This is just as stupid as the rest of the story, and please don't take offense to what it's about. And for GOODNESS SAKES BRITTNEY, I HOPE THIS PLEASES YOU!! LoL And OMB, I can't believe FlorenceWeasleySnape reviewed this story and liked it. I was so proud. And Vivian Kane, love that story! I live in Canton. And to all my OTHER reviewers, I love you! Oodee, you rock! Araanaz, I'm glad you feel better! And I forgot, but last chapter, when Dean ruined the end of the book her Hermione? That is dedicated to Mr. Christopher Clark, and Mr. Christopher Morris, who tried to CALL me and ALL they were going to say was the name of the person who died when I picked up, RUINING IT FOR ME!! I was three chapters away, but thankfully, I was out at karaoke. *grin*HA HA! Anyway, I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked for this epilogue, but hey -- who cares? LOL BYE!
EPILOGUE
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~
Hermione closed the book she was holding in her hands, breathing deeply. She was finally finished with Larry Water and the Purple Dinosaur, the sixth book in the series. It had been wonderful, bursting to the seams with adventure, thrilling fights, and romance. It was worth every galleon she had paid at Flourish and Blotts. As she gazed at the back cover, she couldn't help but feel content. Life was so good to her! She had a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, a large family, and the best friends anyone could ask for. In the three years since she had graduated from Hogwarts, she had never had one regret. Her marriage to Ron two months past had been the icing on the proverbial cake, making life blessedly sweet, but never boring.
"Ron, when are you coming to bed?" She called out, wondering why her new husband was taking so long in the bathroom.
"Sheesh, hold on a moment, 'Mione! Give a guy a chance to brush his bloody teeth! So impatient. Never met a wench who wanted me in bed more."
"Thank the Lord for that, Ronald Weasley. I'd have to skewer her on a stick for even thinking of my husband that way." She sat the book on her bedside table, tightening her robe belt a tiny bit more. She pulled aside the blanket, stepping out of their large bed onto the cold, wood floor. As she padded her way to the bathroom, leaning her ear against the door, she realized he was humming very softly.
She opened the door a little ways, sneaking a peak at Ron. He stood in front of the mirror wearing nothing but boxers, dancing around, his toothbrush being used as a microphone. She watched as he grabbed a pink towel, throwing it on his head like a veil. As he danced around with his eyes closed, he started singing in a high falsetto, "I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you! I was beat. Incomplete! I'd been had! I was sad and blue, but you made me feel...yes, you ma-a-a-ade me feel shiny and new! Like a virgin touched for the very first time! Like a vi-i-i-irgin! When your hearts beat next to mine!"
What Ron didn't realize while he was dancing to his little hearts content was that Hermione had snuck in the bathroom. She carefully closed the door, moving so that she was right in front of him, sitting on the sink. She grinned playfully as he continued to dance, waving his hands over his head with his eyes closed. He was obviously enjoying the music in his mind. She pulled the pink towel off his head, causing his eyes to fly open, his face flushing a lovely shade of red. Hermione giggled before belting, "Gonna give you all my love boy! My fear is fading fast. Been saving it all for you, only love can last!
She pulled him between her legs, wrapping them around his waist before continuing, "You're so fine! And you're MINE! Make me strong, yes, you make me bold! And your loved thawed out, yes, your lo-o-o-ove thawed out what was scared and cold!" She pecked him on his lips before jumping down, pressing herself against him, swaying her hips to the music. Ron grinned, singing along with her, "Like a virgin, HEY! Touched for the very first time! Like a vi-i-i-irgin! When your hearts beat next to mine!" Ron pressed her up against the sink, grinding his hips against hers. He lowered his lips until they almost touched hers, desire flashing in his eyes. "See what you do to me, 'Mione? It's not fair to get me all hot and bothered like this. What have you got to say for yourself?"
She bit her lip, pondering his predicament for a moment before looking him in the eye and singing, "I love myself, I want you to love me. When I feel down, I want YOU above me. I search myself, I want you to find me. I forget myself, I want you to remind me!" She pushed at his chest, once again sitting herself on the sink, making him watch what she was doing. She opened her legs, the robe covering what he wanted to see most and started running her hands up and down her legs. She continued singing, "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself! Ohhh, I don't want anybody else, oh no, oh no, oh no!"
Ron's breathing was erratic. As he started forward, aching to touch her, Hermione held out her hand, stopping him. She shook her head slowly, making him curse her power over him. His eyes bulged as she untied the robe belt, slowly opening it up so that he could see she was wearing nothing but a lacey black bra and matching pair of panties. She tossed the robe to the floor along with the towel, her eyes meeting his. She ran her fingers over her breasts, smoothing them over her tummy. She sang softly as her hand continued moving south. "I want you. I don't want nobody else..." Her hand reached the top of her skimpy panties, making Ron pant for air. He stared at her hand, his tongue hanging out, his erection throbbing with need. Her fingers moved a little lower. "And when I think about you..." Ron's body was shaking as she moved her hand to touch his favorite part of her body, caressing herself through her panties. "I touch myself. Mmm..." She threw her head back as she closed her eyes, her fingers rubbing harder, "mmm...MMM...OH!"
Hermione found herself thrown over Ron's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He ran toward the bed, tossing her on it. Hermione watched as he fumbled with his boxers, finally ripping them apart in frustration. "Ron!" she cried, "those were your favourite pair!"
He growled like an animal, throwing himself on top of her. "I'll buy new ones!" He ravished her mouth like man starved, his hands urgently roving all over her body. He had his hands buried in her hair, his tongue lavishing her neck, when the phone rang. They groaned, not at all happy with this new disturbance in their love making. Hermione wondered what had possessed her to ever get a phone, but then remembered that her parents called nearly everyday. They let it ring, hoping whoever it was would soon give up, realizing that they were busy at the moment. Five minutes later, the phone was still ringing. "DAMMIT!" Ron rolled over off her, his hands pounding the bed, "ANSWER THE DAMN TALEYCONE!"
Hermione tried to steady her breathing, reaching for the phone. "It's 'telephone', dear." She picked up, ready to hex whoever it was into a giant blue candy cane. "Hello?"
The person on the other end started to sing, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family! With a great big hug and kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too?"
Her face had gone completely pale, her eyes wide. "WHO IS THIS!?"
"Let me share your toy, Hermione! Caring is sharing!"
Hermione stared at the phone for a few seconds more before looking at Ron and screaming.
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~
Harry Potter hung up the phone at his apartment. He smiled to himself before looking back at Ginny, who was sitting on her knees on the bed. She smirked at him, her head tilted. "What did she say?"
He grinned, fingering a lock of her hair. "She just screamed. I don't think she'll be forgetting that dream for a while."
Ginny smacked his hand away playfully, pulling him down so that he was laying on his back. "Good. I think we should remind her every now and then just how precious Ron is, and how lucky she is not to be with Viktor Krum. It was genius, slipping that dream potion into her drink while Ron was dancing on the table. After that nightmare, she forgave him instantly. How in the world did you come up with that dream anyhow?"
Harry shrugged. "Just asked myself, 'if I were Hermione, what would I be scared of?' The answer, of course, would be Professor McGonagall having sex with Professor Snape, Viktor Krum trying to control her, Barney, and bananas."
Ginny looked at him thoughtfully, then raised one eyebrow. "Actually, I think the only thing she would be scared of in that is Viktor Krum trying to control her. I do believe that YOU are the one scared of the rest of those things."
His eyes grew large as he looked her her. "Uh...no speak English?"
Ginny wrapped her arms around him, her laughter filling the air. She calmed herself down before pulling back to look at him, her eyes narrowed. "You never told me you were afraid of bananas."
"That's only because you used one on me one time."
"Oh..." Ginny thought for a moment before smiling sheepishly. "I forgot."
"Yes...well...who should we prank now?"
She stared at Harry, an impish grin growing on her face. "Let's call Draco! Let's tell him that they've started a branch of 'Gays for Voldemort' in Surrey, and we want him to join! Instead of a DEATH Eater, he can be a - "
"NO, MENTAL IMAGE BAD. STOP. I GET IT." Harry once again picked up the phone, dialing the number for the Malfoy residence, which now included Draco's Life Partner, Seamus Finnigan. He cleared his throat as it rang, looking at Ginny. He smiled. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"
She blushed, looking down at her hands. "Nearly every hour."
"Well, it's true. I love you more than anyone else in the world."
As Harry pushed her hair back from her face, he couldn't help but think once more that he was the luckiest man in the world. Bananas and all, she was the only girl for him.
And they all lived happily ever after.
With no bananas.
And no Viktor.
And no war in the Middle East.
And no forsnicketing, dumbass, pain in my be-hind BARNEY, who needs to be killed slowly and painfully with a dull knife, or a crayon, or something...pointy.
And no Harry/Hermione people, who have many issues with reality, which is really what this story is about.
Really.
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~
AN: Annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. Every H/Hr peep is gonna try to hex me, but it won't work. I've got protection. *grin* TOO BAD! Hope you liked it. Pointless, irrelevant, silly. Some of the best things to be. :oD
R/HR FOREVER!!!!
- Stephanie Eversole, member of S.P.A.D.