***Warning: The following is the product of a 20 HOUR anime marathon with me and the girls-- Corinn and Kitty. The opinions voiced here are those of my friends and myself. Nothing we say was meant to hurt or offend-- we were half asleep and high on sugar, what the hell do you expect?! The point? Don't take things too seriously. Arigato!***
Also, be warned that there is EXPLICIT language in this fic, along with blatant sexual innuendo. Reader discretion is advised.
What the Hell?!
*Cast of Characters*
Silverstarlight (SSL)
The Almighty Authoress! Enjoys ice cream,
manga, fanfics, fan art, fansubs, bishie anime boys with furry ears, tiaras, bondage (shush!
It's a secret!), Baka Neko (her computer), and bending anime worlds to
suit her own fiendish ends (Insert evil laugh here). Detests the walking clay
pot *cough KIKYO cough*, and close-minded people who refuse to give anime a
chance! Has been officially recognized as THE loudmouthed diva
princess who will one day lead the humanoid lemmings
and/or sheep of this Earth to world and Hell domination. But shhh, that's a
secret too. *wink*
Nette (Kitty)
The Smartass Jersey Witch! Enjoys Mexican food, Lenore, restraining herself from
destroying her laptop, fansubs, and twisting any line in anime so it contains sexual innuendo.
(For example: "Himeno's (from Pretear) henshin looks like she's having an
orgasm.") Is a nationally recognized
alto who has recently developed a taste for screaming along to J-pop while jetting down the freeway with the windows down.
Corinn (Cor)
The Hyperactive Computer Junkie! Enjoys fanfics, fansubs,
fanservice (heh heh), graphic
design, and rabidly worshipping bishounen. Actually cried when the "Pocket Bishounen" web site closed. Is a nationally
recognized essayist who has sunk to the level of editing fanfiction, and who analyzes anime and manga to the tiiiiniest
point to find ANY symbolism WHATSOEVER.
Higurashi Kagome (Kagome)
The Miko in a Green Sailor Fuku (and Penny Loafers)! Enjoys hot baths, oden, rubbing puppy
ears, and playing dominatrix with her canine friends. Despises pottery. Is secretly in love with Inu Yasha. No, wait.
It's blatantly OBVIOUS that she loves him; Inu Yasha is just too thick to see what's in front of his own damned face.
Baka...
Inu Yasha (IY)
The Cute Li'l Puppy! Er, I mean, The Katana-Toting Canine Hero! Enjoys fine jewelry,
bloodshed, having miniskirt-clad girls ride his back, cussin', and durable clothing. Evidently enjoys the taste of
his own knees, as they are in his mouth 90% of his lifetime. Is officially recognized as Kagome's soft-core bondage
wench, though he'll try to act tough and manly if asked about it directly.
As our session begins, everyone is lounging around Nette's living room. A plate of disfigured brownies sits on the coffee table, and SSL, Kitty, and Cor are drinking milk and Tampico. Inu Yasha and Kagome sit on the loveseat, looking rather uneasy. Cor is continually fiddling with her PC-- which she disassembled, brought to Kitty's place, and reassembled-- in order to burn CD-Rs full of fansubs for her friends. Kitty is laying on the couch, sipping Tampico and holding her Lenore rag doll while staring at the ceiling and Inu Yasha's ears in turn. SSL has her spiral notebook out, and begins to scribble down everything that is said.
***Begin Session***
Kagome: Konnichi wa minna-san! Higurashi Kagome here, along with Inu Yasha! Ne, Inu Yasha, say hello to the readers.
IY: Feh!
Kagome: *rolls eyes* Anyway, the author, Silverstarlight-san--
ssl: Yo.
Kagome: --has allowed us to take up some space using her s/n.
IY: In other words, she's got writer's block and is stalling for time.
ssl: Oi! Keep that up and I'll make sure Sesshoumaru runs your ass through in my next story, dammit.
Kagome: Inu Yasha, osuwari!
IY: *splat* *grumbles something about stupid wenches*
Kitty stops watching the computer screen long enough to observe that there is a bit of a dent in the floor from the first osuwari. She sighs and mumbles to herself 'This could definitely become a problem later…' she then returns to actively watching the computer screen.
ssl: Thank you, Kagome.
Kagome: No problem. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... *glares at Inu Yasha* ...Silverstarlight-san has allowed us to borrow some space to pose a question to numerous fan fiction authors. In short, we're asking, "What the hell?"
IY: In case you haven't figured it out, we're griping about some of the stupid shit that you morons write about.
Kagome: Mou, Inu Yasha, be nice.
IY: Then YOU explain why there're so many fucked up fics that pair you with Naraku, Kouga, or my brother!!!
Kagome: Calm down, Inu-kun, you know very well that I only have eyes for you. Hell, anyone who watches the show can see that.
Corinn chooses this moment to look up from appreciating the blue scent of a Sharpie marker she's using to write on CD-Rs.
Cor: --Or you and Kikyo.
Kagome: *chokes* NANI?!?!?!?!
ssl: That is SICK!!!
Cor: Hmm, speaking of which... couldn't a Kagome x Kikyo relationship technically be considered as masturbatory?
Minna: o.O
ssl: ...Cor and her damn big words...
Kitty stops looking at the little blue bar filling up on the computer screen and decides to actively participate in the conversation, since the opportunity to scar minds and inflict horrible mental images has presented itself. Corinn notices this, and turns back to her Sharpie, smirking.
Kagome: *Twitch* >_
Kitty: Well, at least they'd know how to please each other... being of the same spirit and all. One would only hope, anyway. *purrs seductively* A girl has got to be able to tell what she likes. *grin*
ssl: This would be true... *ponders*
Corinn snickers, while Inu Yasha leaps through the open sliding glass door to puke somewhere in the desert. SSL appears to be deep in thought. Kagome sits rigidly on the love seat, clenching her fists and grinding her teeth. A coyote is heard howling against the backdrop of Inu Yasha's heaving. Corinn passes the brownie plate around again, and everyone waits for Inu Yasha's return. Kagome struggles to contain her homicidal rage, reminding herself that the three girls don't wear rosaries. Corinn decides to break the silence.
Cor: Oi, you guys ever see the Kagome x Inu Yasha x Kikyo threesies fics?
ssl: *chokes on Tampico* No.....
Kitty: Nooooo....
Kagome: *silently fuming*
ssl: Cor, where in the fucking hell do you find this shit?!
Cor: *twirling open Sharpie through her fingers* Ehhhhhh, ehdunno. The idea disturbs me, so I usually get the hell outta whatever site I'm on before I can be scarred for life.
Kitty: How is the three-way any more disturbing than Kag-n-Kik?
Kagome: *mutters to self that she knew the interview was too sweet an offer to be true*
Cor: Well, look at it this way. It would be like a chick masturbating, then some guy just has his way with her while she-- uwaa!
Kagome throws a pillow at Corinn, who was twirling the open Sharpie. Corinn now has blue Sharpie youkai marks on one half of
her face.
She does not know this.
Inu Yasha is done retching, and comes back in the sliding glass door to
howling laughter from three of the girls, while Corinn just sits and stares blankly, smiling cluelessly, totally lost.
Cor: Wha?
ssl: N-nothing, hon. *snik*
Kitty: Teeheehee... ahem. Um well I was saying that because isn't Kag-n-Kik kinda like necro-mania? Liking to sleep with dead people… hmm didn't Inu Yasha want to go to Hell with said clay pot? Hey Inu Yasha, do you like dead people?
IY: Bitch! I just wanted to honor my promise and go to hell with her! I never said I wanted to fuck her!
Kitty: Gomen gomen… I'm a psych major… supposed to know about these disorders… let me go get my Abnormal Psychology book and we'll check on the necro thing! *runs outside to car to obtain book*
Minna: 0.o eh-heh…
Cor: Anyway, back to business.
ssl: Oh, yeah. What were we talking about?
Kitty: *Returns with large black book* I found it! Okay well here's the part about sexual disorders… damn doesn't say anything about necromania… Hey this is interesting! Since Kikyo is a walking clay pot that would make the Kagome personality in those fics have a disorder called Fetishism! And if you think about it, it would kinda also be like incest in a weird way just like all those Inu and Sess lemon fanfics are!
Minna: WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU KNOW THERE ARE INU AND SESS FICS!
SSL sits on edge of couch and cowers in fear.
IY: *enraged* WHAT?!? Me and… and him? NO FUCKING WAY BITCH!
Kitty: What? I know for the same reason Cor knows about the Kag-n-Kik fics! *returns attention back to big black book* Oh! And you guys aren't going to believe this, but there is actually a disorder for Miroku's constant groping!
Minna: REALLY?!?!
Kitty: I'm not kidding… says so right here on page 448! *is very proud of herself* It's called Frotteurism! *clears throat and reads aloud in a very technical voice* "Frotteurism involves the sexually oriented touching of an unsuspecting person. The frotteur may randomly touch a woman's thighs or buttocks or fondle her breasts or genitals with any of his body parts." *breaks technical voice in wonder* I wonder why its only for males…
Mina: o.0
Kitty: Well anyway *resumes technicality* "These attacks typically occur in places such as a crowded bus or sidewalk, which provides an easy means of escape. (K/N: I don't think he ever thought about means of escape…) Frotteurism has not been studied very extensively. It appears to begin in adolescence and typically occurs with other paraphilias" … which is a big technical word for sexual habit disorder… Hey can I go back with you and study him? I could make a psychological break-through and I haven't even gotten my BA yet!
*IY and Kagome are at a loss for words*
Kitty: Oh and there's more! *goes back to the technical voice* "The DSM-IV-TR criteria for frotterism is as follows: Recurrent, intense, and occurring over a period of at least 6 months, sexually arousing fantasies, urges or behaviors involving touching and rubbing up against a non-consenting person." … and who thinks this describes Miroku?
Minna: *Look warily at Kitty and all raise hands*
Cor: I guess you learn something new everyday… um anyway… what were we talking about before?
*Kitty sits back, begins to pout and mumbles about all her psychological knowledge being of no use whatsoever*
Cor: *giggle*
Kagome: All right. I'm with Inu Yasha. AND ONLY INU YASHA! I love him, and he loves me. My question is, why the hell do some of you think differently? Okay, granted, sometimes I wanna sit--
IY: *Splat* Bitch!
Kagome: Gomen! Sometimes I wanna s-word Inu Yasha into the ground--
IY: You do, wench!
ssl: Inu Yasha, osuwari.
IY: *splat* What the fuck?
ssl: Stop interrupting!
Kagome: *sighs* Just because he acts like an ass doesn't mean I'm dumping him.
Cor: Yeah, like Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown!
Kitty and SSL take this opportunity to collapse in laughter. Inu Yasha ignores the comment, as he has no clue what it means.
ssl: *laughs* Yeah, but without all the stupid shit.... *under her breath* Then again....
IY: Yeah, get that shit straight: Kagome is MY woman.
Kagome: Now you're sounding like Kouga-kun…..
Somewhere in the Sengoku Jidai, an ookami youkai sneezes and it's not due to the dust his ever constant running has produced.
Kouga: Oi, someone's talking shit about me...must be that damn Inukoro...
Back at randomness central...
Kitty: *whispers to girls* If he's seriously considering, he should ask Kikyo what works for a mating surprise...
Inu Yasha didn't hear Kitty, because he's too busy yelling. Corinn and SSL crack up, and Kagome wonders how Kitty managed to turn the conversation around again.
IY: OI! Don't compare me to that wimpy wolf! *sneezes* What the hell?!?
ssl: Didn't you have a point to this?
Kagome: Yes. We did.
IY: Stop making my Kagome look like a slut. She's not skeezy—
ssl: Where the hell did you learn that word?!
Cor: *lazily comments as she plays with the Sharpie* I think he's been hanging out with you for a liiiitle bit too long, hon.
Kitty: *snickers*
ssl: Kiss off!!! *bites thumb*
Cor: Although... I saw "skeevy" in the first chapter of the Pet Shop of Horrors manga...
Kitty: Different genre, hon.
Cor: Mmm. This would be true. Continue, Inu Yasha.
ssl: Permission to speak freely.
IY: Shaddup! She's not trashy and trampy. Okay, AU stuff I can kinda see it—-
Kagome: Hey!
IY: It's an alternate universe, OOC-ness is expected. Look at this bitch's fic, "In the Dark of Night"...
ssl: Oi, I can still make Fluffy-chan run your ass through…
Somewhere in the Sengoku Jidai, an elegant inu youkai sneezes.
Sesshoumaru: What the hell?
Back at Kitty's house.
IY: Shut the fuck up! Kami, I'm trying to make a point. Now where was I? Oh yeah, fics that supposedly "end the series", yeah, the horrible OOC-ness that gets written is pissing me off! I mean, it's like you baka have never even seen the show!
Minna: *blink*
Kagome: Wow, Inu Yasha, that's the most concise thing you've ever said...
Kitty: Wow, his point didn't get him sat, either...
ssl: It's cuz I coached him like a good puppy.
Kitty: *mumbles * And that's a good thing cause my floor is really starting to feel the abuse…
IY: Shut up!
Kagome: Inu Yasha... *leaves threat hanging*
ssl: It's okay, Kagome, you don't have to sit---
IY: *splat*
ssl: --him. Oops! Gomen!
IY: *growls* What in the seven Hells is going on here?!
Kagome: That's another thing, the casual use of the s-word.
IY: What, sit?
Kagome and ssl: Yup!
Kitty: I'm surprised he didn't sit--
IY: *splat*
Kitty: --himself...never mind.
Kagome: You guys do realize that Inu Yasha lands face down EVERY time I say it around him, right?
ssl: At least he's supposed to...
Cor: Sou ka! By now, all the casual sit--
IY: *splat*
Cor: --tings should have him in at least the fifth circle of Hell...
*Kitty is hoping it is not through her floor*
Inu Yasha glares at Corinn, who just looks coolly back. Inu Yasha seems to be waiting for something...
IY: Well?
Cor: Yes?
IY: Apologize!
Cor: Why?
IY: You sat me by accident!
Cor: Ahhh, but was it--
IY: *splat*
Cor: --really an accident? *rubs chin* I dunno what to do in this kind of sit--
IY: *splat*
Cor: --uation. Quite a problem sits--
IY: *splat*
Cor: --on my shoulders, now, doesn't it?
Inu Yasha is in a towering rage, and is approaching Corinn, claws out, fangs bared, and ready to lay the smack down.
Kitty: *smirk* Suppress that rage, Inu Yasha! For the floor's sake, Suppress it! *takes another brownie*
IY: *splat*
Kitty: *mouth full of brownie* faw ssssit...
IY: *splat*
ssl: Force it--
IY: *splat*
ssl: --down!
IY: *roaring in fury* Oi, are you wenches trying to break my fucking back?!
Kitty: *grins slyly from her perch on the couch* Better be careful we don't break some other fucking thing...
IY: o.O
ssl: ... Kitty you are my hero *glomps*
Kagome: Do you want ME to say it?
IY: ...*shakes head*
Kagome: That's what I thought.
ssl: I have a complaint.
IY: What else is new?
ssl: *glare* Some people think that Kagome s-words poor Inu here into the ground ALL the time. and by my count she's only done that a total of FIVE times. There was the first episode he got the subduing spell.
Kagome: Yeah if I hadn't I'd be dead about no....
Cor: Yeah, and the time Inu Yasha tried to seal the well with that boulder. The thing that always got me was that she kept saying it, but he never hit the ground till the last time.... *laughs* It was funny though...
Kitty: The third time was in the first movie. And the fifth time was in like episode 90-something. But to be fair, Kagome don't give him spicy food anymore... Then again... *looks at Inu Yasha* You really should have said you liked her cooking anyway, baka.
IY: Feh!
Kagome: *glare* You do like my cooking don't you Inu-chan?
IY: *gulp* Of course I do!
ssl: *under breath* He's not as slow as he makes himself out to be. But I think the fourth time was a personal favorite of mine.
KItty: *evil glint* You mean...
ssl: Episode 111, I think. *turns to look Inu Yasha in the eye* You so deserved that you dumbass! And I must say that when he got face planted when Kagome started yelling baka was priceless. It made up for all the fucked up shit earlier in that episode.
IY: *blink* What in the seven hells did I do?
Minna: You don't remember?!?!
Kagome: *rolls eyes* Hmph, it figures. He royally pisses me off and gets on my nerves when I wanted to be left the hell alone and then forgets what the hell happened. *cries* Do you girls see what I have to put up with?!
Kagome and Inu Yasha are at the moment no longer speaking to each other while Cor, Kitty, and SSL nod their heads in sympathy while at the same time trying to decided if male stupidity is a genetic defect on the Y-chromosome or a product of evolution.
Ten minutes later...
Currently there is an unnerving silence that has seemingly possessed the room. Kitty and Cor are still in the processes of burning CD-Rs, and SSL is looking through the pages of her handy dandy notebook trying to find something to restart conversation. Then the unimaginable happens...
IY: *mutters softly* I'm sorry...
Kagome: What was that?
IY: *clenches teeth* I'm sorry.
Cor, Kitty, & SSL: EH?!?
IY: *roars* I'm SORRY dammit!!!!
Minna: *blink*
Kagome: What are you sorry about?
IY: *blinks* For forgetting what ever it was I did to you wench! What the fuck else would I be sorry for?!
Minna: *sweatdrop*
ssl: *sighs* At least he's apologizing for something...
Kitty: Very true.
Kagome: Let's get back on topic shall we?
ssl: *flips through notebook and frowns at all the corrections she's made* I've got another complaint.
IY: What the hell else is new?
ssl: *Ignores Inu Yasha* Please check your grammar and spelling. Most word processing programs do it for you, so you have no excuse. I myself am rather lazy, but still manage to proofread all my chapters before posting them. I, silverstarlight, at least make an attempt at correcting myself.
IY: *shudders* You sound like my asshole half-brother now....
Kagome: Prove to others that you paid attention in language class. You'll feel smart!
Cor: When in doubt, announce that you would appreciate it if someone would be your beta reader. I'm a beta reader for a couple of fics, including SSL's-- when I have time, that is.
Kitty: Which would be... never?
ssl: *grumbles* Lazy ass...
Cor: *pouts and brandishes Sharpie* Shaddap.
IY: Get our damn names straight.
Kitty: Yes, he doesn't like being called "Inuyarsha."
Cor: "Inuyorsha."
Kitty: "Kigame."
Cor: *smirk* "Inyuasha."
ssl: OI! That's MY personal nickname for him! *pouts* And it's not my fault my Japanese accent sucks! I had four years of fucking Spanish dammit!!!
Cor: *smirk* I know.
Kitty: Perfectly aware of the fact.
Cor: It's clear to us.
Kitty: Crystal.
ssl: ...You two are so annoying.
Cor: Yep.
Kitty: Obviously.
Cor: We enjoy it.
ssl: ...And I adopted you two as surrogate sisters... why?
Kitty: We're special.
IY: Because you're a fucking moron?
Cor: *sends warning glare at Inu Yasha* Because with us, you are able to leave home for days at a time, and your mother actually thinks we're "responsible".
ssl: *ponders for a moment* Oh TRUE.
Kitty: "Responsible." What's that word mean again?
Cor: *perks up* Would you like an exact definition????
ssl: NO! No, down word girl.
Cor: The word is philologist!
Kitty & ssl: Feh.
IY: Hey that's MY line!
Kitty & ssl: *shrug* Keh.
IY: *grouls*
Kitty pats Corinn on the head to comfort her and her Sharpie, while SSL notices that Kagome looks annoyed and Inu Yasha looks pissed off.
ssl: Oi. What's yer problem, dog-boy?
IY: I was talking, you bitch.
ssl: Oh. So you were. *scratches head* What were you saying again?
IY: *growling* I said, these damn fucktards need to get our fucking names straight, dammit!
Cor: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Language, dear.
ssl: Fucktard is a great word motard...
Kitty: You really have been hanging out with SSL waaay too much. *mischievous smirk* Having some fun on the side?
IY: Yada! No way!
ssl: *sighs and stares dreamily* Gods I wish...
IY: o.O
Kagome: Usually, I'd chew dog-boy here out, but he does have a point.
IY: 'Bout damn time you saw things my way.
Kitty: Wow, and for once his way isn't kill first--
Cor: --ask questions later.
Kitty & Cor: *look at each other then break out in hysterical giggles*
ssl: *sigh* They never know when to quit...
IY: *chooses to ignore the insane females* I'd think that, if anything, you idiots would get our damn names right.
Kagome: He's so gonna get us flamed...
ssl: Actually, I agree with him. I mean, when in doubt, find a story over 10,000 words and use it as a reference to check the spelling of names, or hit a fan site. It's not that hard. *rubs Inu Yasha's ears*
IY: *Blink* What the hell? Where did that come from?
Kitty: *squeals in delight* ME TOO!!! ME TOO!!! *rubs ears of an aghast Inu Yasha* Kawaii koinu-chan!
ssl: Sorry, but I've been dying to do that!
Kagome: *giggles* Can't say I blame you...
IY: *looks rather pissed off* Let. Go. Of. My. Ears. Bitch.
ssl: Gomen, but they're so KAWAII!!!
Kagome: My next point: Bad usage of the Japanese language.
IY: Honorifics are a pain in the ass to use.
Kagome: *glares* You just don't use them because you're rude.
IY: Keh!
ssl: Nah, he's just lazy. And, yeah, I'll admit that while I like to throw in some Japanese for effect, I sometimes mess it up.
IY: *jumps from seat and points* Feh! I KNEW it!! The 'great' and 'all-powerful' silverstarlight is a fucking moron!
ssl: *vein pop, eye twitch* *says sweetly* Oh, Inu-chaaaaan? *roars* OSUWARI!!!!
IY: *splat*
Kagome: He had that one coming. *looks on in approval*
Cor & Nette: *snickering like idiots*
IY: *into the ground* Oi, why in the seven Hells does this damned necklace work for these wenches?!
Kitty: Cuz we're special!
ssl: This is MY world and you're just a visitor. You don't like it? Well, that's just too fucking bad! Osuwari!
IY: *splat* Bitch...
Kitty: *gleefully* It's MY house! Osuwari!
IY: *splat* Bitch...
Kitty: Aww fuck I keep forgetting about the freaking floor's condition!
Cor: Ummm... *thinks* OH! I'm the beta! OSUWARI!
IY: *SPLAT* BITCH!!!
ssl: You say that like it's a bad thing.
IY & Kagome: Eh?
Kitty: Oh boy...
Cor: Here comes the argument...
ssl: What? It's not insulting. For all those who don't get it, Inu Yasha is a dog hanyou. A bitch by definition is a female dog. He's only acknowledging what I am by birth and therefore is not insulting. *nods in satisfaction*
IY: Shit... the bitch is right...
ssl: Damn straight I am.
Cor: I thought the phrase was 'Woman by nature, bitch by choice'?
ssl: I've been like this forever though...
Kitty: Good point.
Kagome: *looks semi-confused* So, let me get this straight. All those times I thought he was insulting me, he was just calling me a woman?
Minna: Yup!
Kagome: So I was s-wording him for nothing?
IY: YES, baka onna!!! *rolls eyes*
Kitty: Well, not for nothing... for our endless amusement...
Cor: To give a dream to pissed-off girlfriends everywhere:
Cor, Kitty, & ssl: *clasp hands in prayer position and look at the ceiling with starry eyes* "I wish I had a rosary to put on my boyfriend!"
ssl: Then again...if I had that kind of power... *thinks about the consequences* Yeah, bad times... For him. XP
Kagome: *nervously* Heh, heh, oops... Gomen, Inu Yasha.
IY: *crosses arms and sits in trademark cross-legged position* Feh!
ssl: *glances at Inu Yasha* Someone's PMSing...
Cor: *thinks for a moment* Actually I think it would be PNMSing (Pre New Moon Syndrome)....
Kitty: Very true...
IY: o.O
Kagome: *giggles for a moment the looks very serious* Don't ask, you don't want to know....
IY: *glares at the females* Keh!
Kitty: I think we got off-topic again.
Cor: *shrugs* Happens all the time with me.
ssl: *twirls pen and turns to Kagome* Weren't you ranting about something?
Kagome: Yeah, bad use of Japanese. Seriously, ask someone if you're not sure about it. I mean, silverstarlight-san has been asking her online friends and real-life friends, and her Japanese usage has gotten better.
Cor: Especially with me around!
Kitty: Miracle of miracles... ¬.¬;
ssl: Shaddap!!! Too bad I can't spell in English, Spanish, or Japanese... thank Kami for spell check! You can even program in some, or in my case all, frequently used Japanese words, if you want to. *Glares at Inu Yasha* Something you wanna add, dog-boy?
IY: *glances around nervously* ...Feh.
ssl: Good boy! Anyway, it looks like Inu Yasha and Kagome are done with their griping for tonight.
IY: I think you bitched more than we did...
ssl: I will choose to ignore that... Anyway, this short interlude has served its purpose. Now, if y'all excuse me, I have fan fiction to write.
Kagome: What stories are you working on?
ssl: Chapter five of "In the Dark of Night." It's coming along quite well. I've added another plot twist. People will either love it or hate it, but personally I think it's quite clever and it makes sense to the story line. Part nine of "This is Your Life"...
IY: *mumbles* That story sucks ass...
Minna: *MAX rage desu!* Osuwari!!!
IY: *splat* *splat* *splat* *splat*
All the girls watch in great satisfaction as Inu Yasha peels himself out of a quadruple-osuwari crater.
Kitty: *looks at the damage she just helped cause and cries* Kyaa!! How exactly am I supposed to explain to dad what happened to the floor?!
Cor: *goes to comfort* You could always tell him the truth…
Kitty: *cries harder* He'll never believe I had a Hanyou from 500 years ago face planted into my floor so many times that the floor has a huge crater in the center!
Kagome: We'll get Inu Yasha to fix it Kitty don't worry… *glares at Inu Yasha* WON'T WE?!
IY: Eeep!
Kitty: *sniffles an okay and cheers up at this*
Kagome signals for SSL to continue as Cor goes back to her Sharpie.
ssl: Anyways, I had to switch a few things around, but it's much better now! Plus I'm thinking up some ideas for future stories. Cor-chan is my beta for then next insane creation from my pretty little head, "Feudal Fruits", ain't that right Corinn-oneechan? *silence* Cor?
Cor: *stops playing with Sharpie and looks up* Eh?
ssl: *sweatdrops* Never mind, and chapters three and four of "Answered Dreams." The lemon (Ch 3) is almost finished, and hopefully my inbox will no longer be filled with threats of my bloody demise demanding the lemon as ransom in exchange for my life. I feel loved...not.
Kagome: Who's in it?
ssl: My favorite couple, of course! You and Inu Yasha. I'm not weird like some people... ¬.¬ *looking at Corinn*
Cor: HEY! I don't read those Kag-n-Kik fics, I just run into them when I do random searches on the Internet!
ssl: *rolls eyes* Sure you don't...
Kitty: And Hugh Hefner publishes Playboy just to enlighten the public with illuminating articles.
Cor: Shaddap! You shouldn't be talking Ms I-Know-All-About-the-Sess-and-Inu-Lemon-Fics!
Kitty: Well....I...uh...just can't think of a good retort right now!
Cor: There's a first...
IY: *not sure he should ask this question....* ....What's a lemon?
ssl: *stunned and shocked* You mean you don't know?!?! There's like a ton of web sites that are devoted to them!
Kitty: *once again purring slyly* And so many involve you, too....
Cor: *sniggering so hard she can't write legibly on the CD-Rs*
Kagome: I won't let him read them.
ssl: Why the hell not?!?
Cor: Poor deprived puppy!
Kitty: *laughing her ass off at Corinn's genuine concern*
Kagome: It's bad enough that we have one hentai in the team-- we don't need another one.
Kitty: Yes that disorder might be contagious....
IY: Oi! Don't compare me to that lech of a monk!
Somewhere in the Sengoku Jidai, a monk clothed in purple sneezes twice, then fondles the ass of the taiji-ya nearby. If there were emergency rooms in the Sengoku Jidai, said monk would be needing one right about-- *smack*--now.
ssl: Once again proving that all main characters in anime are sexually frustrated.
IY: NANI?!?!
Kagome: o.O;;;
ssl: You heard me. All the main characters from every anime series are sexually frustrated. *looks directly at IY and Kagome* You two especially need to get some action, and I have decided to write it. Ya don't like it, well, too damn bad. XÞ
Inu Yasha turns bright red and Kagome looks mortified. Corinn and Kitty just smile and nod their heads, because SSL makes this particular rant at least once a day.
ssl: So, that's all for today.
Kitty, however has different ideas. She sidles up next to Inu Yasha and whispers a description of a lemon in his ear. Corinn watches closely, while ssl and Kagome munch on the last of the brownies, which Corinn had hogged during most of the interview.
IY: What the hell?!?
Corinn sees her chance, and uses her power as an almighty beta to pull out a stash of citrus fruits. She proceeds to pelt the hanyou with citrus, while giggling madly.
IY: *gets smacked in the head* Keh! The fuck?!
Cor: *giggles*
Kagome: *interrupts, trying to restore order* I thought we were done, you two...
Cor: *Giggles and pegs Kagome with various citrus fruits*
Kagome: Gah! *ducks and hides behind Inu Yasha*
Cor: *cackles*
ssl: I think Corinn is still drunk on brownies... what the hell did you put in them, Kitty?!
There is crashing in the background as a fruit fight begins to turn into a fruit war, encompassing the entire house.
Kitty: Oh... nothing, really..... Nothing illegal anyway...
ssl: *sighs and dodges flying grapefruits and oranges* Well, ja ne, minna-san. Thanks for reading this whackjob interview... thingy. *gets smacked in the head with a lemon* *cue flamy backdrop behind ssl* *roars* Alright who's the fuck up that pegged me in the head?!?
SSL turns around to see the now frightened form of Inu Yasha with his arm in the air in a throwing position.
ssl: *smirks manically* Cor-chan, hand me my bat please. Hey dog-boy, wanna play fetch?
Cor: *rolls eyes* It seems the bitch is back...again. Ja ne!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yeah, my friends and I have issues...lates.
~*Special thanks to Cass (Cor-chan) for taking this and tweeking with it. You rock my fucking socks onee-chan! And Nette (Kitty), *glomps* you are my hero for LIFE!!!*~
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