A/N: Thanks for everyone who reviewed, and special thanks to Whitecoyote and her brother for coming up with this idea.
Enjoy!
What would Legolas do for a Klondike Bar?
Legolas walks through Lothlorien, humming softly to himself. The fellowship is staying there for a while, thankful to get some rest, and a chance to grieve over the loss of Gandalf. Legolas hasn't been in contact with other elves for a while, and is enjoying the chance to explore the elvin woods.
As he gazes up at one of the bigger mallorn trees, though, he is shocked out of his reverie by a man wearing a strange suit hopping over roots towards him.
"Hello!" the man says cheerfully, grinning at the elvin prince. Legolas stares back at him, slightly confused.
"Excuse me," he asks politely, "but, who are you?"
The man shrugs. "Doesn't matter," he says. "What matters is what I've come to ask you. See, some members of the public have been wondering something about you. They would like to know if you would act like Gollum in front of Galadriel for a Klondike bar."
Legolas looks at the man strangely, wondering if he should get out his bow. This man was obviously mad… "You want me to do what… for a….what?"
"The public would like to see you act like Gollum for a Klondike bar. It's quite simple really, just crawl on your knees and mumble a bit."
Legolas wrinkles his royal brow in thought, then finally asks: "What is a Klondike bar anyway."
The man grins. "Funny you should ask that…"
A hideous jingle fills the air:
For that chocolaty coated
Ice cream loaded
Big and thick
No room for a stick
What would you do-oo-oo…
For a Klondike bar?
"How…." Legolas gasps, looking around for the source of the music.
"Dunno," the man shrugs. "They're quite good," he adds, taking a bite of an ice cream treat. "Really, I'd do it if I were you."
"But, acting like Gollum… in front of Galadriel?"
The man lowers his voice conspiratorially. "Actually, I hear that Galadriel does a Bill Clinton impression at parties when she drinks too much wine, so a Gollum impression actually isn't that bad."
Legolas nods, having heard about those impressions. That chocolate and ice cream looked really good, plus Galadriel was most likely going to cross the ocean soon anyway, so he wouldn't have to see her again, at least for a while… "Okay. I'll do it."
The man beams. "Great! And look, here she comes now."
Legolas swallows, the sight of the fair elvin queen quite taking away his confidence. But the thought of the ice cream encouraged him, so he walked up to the lady, then dropped on all fours and began mumbling.
"Precioussssss, my preciousssss, we wants it, we do. Yesssssssss, our preciousssssss…."
The lady of Lothlorien looked on worriedly as the elf muttered at her feet. "Are you quite all right," she asked, concerned.
"Preciousssssssssss!" Legolas said in response.
Galadriel hurried off into the woods past him. "I might want to warn Aragorn about this," she said to herself. "Better not let Legolas get too close to that ring."
Legolas didn't hear this last comment. He was too busy trying to figure out a way to eat the ice cream without getting it in his hair.
Enjoy!
What would Legolas do for a Klondike Bar?
Legolas walks through Lothlorien, humming softly to himself. The fellowship is staying there for a while, thankful to get some rest, and a chance to grieve over the loss of Gandalf. Legolas hasn't been in contact with other elves for a while, and is enjoying the chance to explore the elvin woods.
As he gazes up at one of the bigger mallorn trees, though, he is shocked out of his reverie by a man wearing a strange suit hopping over roots towards him.
"Hello!" the man says cheerfully, grinning at the elvin prince. Legolas stares back at him, slightly confused.
"Excuse me," he asks politely, "but, who are you?"
The man shrugs. "Doesn't matter," he says. "What matters is what I've come to ask you. See, some members of the public have been wondering something about you. They would like to know if you would act like Gollum in front of Galadriel for a Klondike bar."
Legolas looks at the man strangely, wondering if he should get out his bow. This man was obviously mad… "You want me to do what… for a….what?"
"The public would like to see you act like Gollum for a Klondike bar. It's quite simple really, just crawl on your knees and mumble a bit."
Legolas wrinkles his royal brow in thought, then finally asks: "What is a Klondike bar anyway."
The man grins. "Funny you should ask that…"
A hideous jingle fills the air:
For that chocolaty coated
Ice cream loaded
Big and thick
No room for a stick
What would you do-oo-oo…
For a Klondike bar?
"How…." Legolas gasps, looking around for the source of the music.
"Dunno," the man shrugs. "They're quite good," he adds, taking a bite of an ice cream treat. "Really, I'd do it if I were you."
"But, acting like Gollum… in front of Galadriel?"
The man lowers his voice conspiratorially. "Actually, I hear that Galadriel does a Bill Clinton impression at parties when she drinks too much wine, so a Gollum impression actually isn't that bad."
Legolas nods, having heard about those impressions. That chocolate and ice cream looked really good, plus Galadriel was most likely going to cross the ocean soon anyway, so he wouldn't have to see her again, at least for a while… "Okay. I'll do it."
The man beams. "Great! And look, here she comes now."
Legolas swallows, the sight of the fair elvin queen quite taking away his confidence. But the thought of the ice cream encouraged him, so he walked up to the lady, then dropped on all fours and began mumbling.
"Precioussssss, my preciousssss, we wants it, we do. Yesssssssss, our preciousssssss…."
The lady of Lothlorien looked on worriedly as the elf muttered at her feet. "Are you quite all right," she asked, concerned.
"Preciousssssssssss!" Legolas said in response.
Galadriel hurried off into the woods past him. "I might want to warn Aragorn about this," she said to herself. "Better not let Legolas get too close to that ring."
Legolas didn't hear this last comment. He was too busy trying to figure out a way to eat the ice cream without getting it in his hair.