My Immortal

by Lady Banana

Based on the lyrics to My Immortal, by Evanescence. A young pirate woman remembers her friendship with Jack Sparrow over the years.

My Immortal – by Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

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Author's Note:  This story was inspired by the lyrics to My Immortal.  However, for storytelling purposes, I have mixed up the lyrics a little, to keep the story moving more smoothly.  I also only used the chorus once.  Anyways, this is my first attempt at writing a dialect, so forgive any mistakes or inconsistencies in the dialogue.  Please leave reviews, I love feedback.

Legal-type stuff:  I do not own Jack Sparrow, Bootstrap Bill, Captain Barbossa, the cursed crew of the Black Pearl, or the Black Pearl (all of which are at least mentioned in this fic.)  They all belong to Walt Disney Corporation.  I DO, however, own the other characters and ships in here, and will go into mega-bitch mode if you steal them.  Also, I do not own the lyrics to My Immortal.  Those belong to the talented band, Evanescence.

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I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

            I paced restlessly along the walls of the fort, gazing across the dark water.  I shivered, although the tropical air was warm.  As always when I watched the water, I found myself overwhelmed with fear, expecting to see a small ship with no flag appear on the horizon.  I knew I was as safe in the fort as I would be anywhere in the Spanish Main, but I was still afraid.  But despite my fears of what might be out there, I still longed for the sea, for the endless taste of salt and the constant motion of a rocking ship.  I even longed for the sound of cannons, the smell of gunpowder, and the glint of a cutlass in the moonlight.  The ocean had been my home since I was twelve years old.  I had fought my first battle on the water, defending the Sea Dragon from a large man-of-war.  That was when I realized that my pirate way of life was looked down on by society at large.  After my first experience with truly bloodthirsty pirates when I was thirteen, I understood why.  But my love of the water, and of treasure, kept me sailing among the pirates.

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            I met Captain Jack Sparrow for the first time when I was thirteen, not long after my first encounter with the so-called Captain Alexander and his crew.  Of course, Jack wasn't a Captain when I met him, he was just Jack, part of the crew of the Black Pearl.  We met on Tortuga.  I was tagging along after some hands from the Sea Dragon.  We ran into Jack outside one of the taverns, and as some of my companions were already acquainted with him, Jack joined us for drinks.  It wasn't until we were seated that he took any notice of me.  "Who's this?" he asked, watching me intently.  "A little yellow-`air isn't a common sight round `ere."

            "I'm not little," I snapped.  It was a lie; I was uncommonly small at the time.  My shipmate Harry laughed at me, and gave my name.  Jack started visibly.  "A girl?" he exclaimed.

            "And worth her keep," Harry said hastily, before I could speak.  "There's more'n one capable seaman who's suffered at `er hands, and she does `er share on the ship, young or no."  I couldn't decide whether I was grateful for Harry's defense, or angry about his comment on my age.

            "Sure she is," Jack agreed, and winked at me.  I decided I liked him after all.  He paid no more attention to me until the barmaid came by with more drinks.  "Ever `ad rum, blondie?" he inquired.  I shook my head, with a pointed glare at Harry and the others.

            "Well then love, it's time ye did," he announced.  He gestured to the barmaid, who set a glass in front of me.  The talk around the table died out, and I could feel my mates watching me.

            "Now lass, this is a true seaman's drink, savvy?  Not for th' weak," Jack warned.  "But if ye drink the whole thing, it's on me."

            I looked him straight in the eyes, and nodded confidently.  Jack grinned.  "Drink up," he ordered, and I took a tiny sip.  My first reaction was to spit it out, but I kept my mouth shut and swallowed.  After my first shock, I found I liked the drink.  I looked defiantly at Harry, picked up my glass, and drained it.  Jack slapped my back, and Harry led the cheering.

            "If ye're ever lookin' for work, come see me aboard the Black Pearl love," Jack said in a low voice.  "I'll find ye a job."

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These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

            I came back to myself when a sentry called the hour.  It was late, and I knew I should have been in bed long before.  But I couldn't get the memories out of my head.  Jack Sparrow still haunted my steps.  I swallowed hard to force down the lump in my throat.  Jack had never cried, and neither would I.  That is, Jack almost never cried.

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When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

            I was back on Tortuga some years later when I met Jack for the second time.  I was losing badly at a card game in a bar when I heard a voice behind me whisper advice.  I whirled around on my stool, drawing my pistol at the same moment and pointing it at the man's head before I even registered who he was.

            "Easy love," chuckled Jack.  Then he began to look suspicious.  "Ye are a girl, right?" he demanded.

            "I am," I drawled.  "And ye're Captain Jack Sparrow, famous buccaneer.  Ye bought me first glass of rum, or were you too tipsy to remember?"

            Jack smiled.  "I thought I recognized ye blondie.  Finish th' game an' then I'll buy ye another drink."

            I nodded, and returned to my cards.  After losing the game, I sought Jack out.  "Well Cap'n, ye've become quite a name since I last saw ye," I commented as I sat down next to him.  I was startled to see several empty glasses in front of him.  I hadn't been long at cards, but I'd obviously been long enough for Jack to get tipsy.

            "Eh?" Jack muttered, turning to me.  "Ah, s'you, blondie."  He summoned the barmaid.  "Two more rums," he ordered.

            "Just a minute captain," the girl giggled, and winked.  Jack shook his head after her mournfully.  "Only been workin' here a few days," he explained.  "As for my adventures, well, it all comes of bein' Captain Jack Sparrow."  He sounded very solemn, and I began to worry that he had gone insane.  "But ye've heard of my travels, what about yours?  Still on th' Sea Dragon?  Still Harry's little pet?"

            My hand grasped my cutlass as I growled, "I'm nobody's pet."

            Jack's surprise showed in his eyes, although his voice remained calm.  "I was only teasin' ye lass," he assured me.

            I relaxed.  "Let me offer ye some advice Jack.  Be careful about teasin' girl pirates.  Most idiots who make fun of us don't mean well, an' most don't live long enough to warn others."

            "Point taken love," Jack said amiably.  "Ahhhh," he added with a sigh.  "More rum!"  He passed one glass to me, and drank half of his own in one swallow.  The barmaid stood hopefully nearby for a few moments, but Jack didn't spare her, or her low-cut dress, a glance.  After a minute, she wandered off.

            We were halfway through our third round of rum and laughing uproariously about the barmaid's misplaced hopes when the tavern quieted, and whispers began circulating, moving slowly out from the door.  The smitten barmaid shared the news with us.

            "They say the Black Pearl is anchored in the harbor!" she exclaimed, apparently very impressed.

            "Isn't the Black Pearl where ye were workin' when I met ye?" I asked.

Jack had reacted very oddly to the news.  His lips were pale, and the drunken flush had left his cheeks.  "The Pearl is here," he muttered as if in a trance.  Then he leapt up and began struggling through the crowd towards the door.  I frowned, and followed him.

            "What about the bill?" the indignant barmaid whined.

            "Jack's paying," I called, and I was out the door.  Jack was only a few feet ahead of me, first walking, then breaking out into a jog towards the harbor.  But when he reached it, he turned away from the docks and made his way to the beach, stumbling and swearing as he went.  I caught up with him just in time to catch his arm and keep him from falling.  He hardly glanced at me as I helped him sit in the sand.  His eyes were intently searching the ships in the harbor.  When he finally focused, I knew he had found the Black Pearl, and I followed his gaze.

            The famous ship was in a sad state, or so it seemed to me.  I could see splintered boards at her top, where I supposed a cannon ball must have hit.  Her paint was chipping, and her black sails were tattered.  I wondered if she could still sail as fast as the stories claimed.

            I looked at Jack, and drew back a little.  Never had I seen as much longing, or hate, as his gaze now held.  I didn't dare speak, only sat in silence next to him, looking anywhere but his eyes.  Finally, he cast his gaze down and away from the ship.

            "Jack…" I began uncertainly, then stopped.  I hardly knew the famous Captain.  How could I ask what I wanted to know?  But before I could decide, Jack began to speak.

            "I was made Captain of the Black Pearl when the ol' Captain and most of th' crew were captured by the Royal Navy.  I knew what I was goin' t'do – find the treasure of the Isla de Muerta.  Took me months to find out the location of the island, but I did.  I came back to Tortuga to find a crew.  Most of mine `ad died, an' only one of those left was willing t'come with me.  So I found a new crew `ere.  Three days out, my first mate led a mutiny against me.  All th' crew was with `im, except William.  `E was th' only man left of the Pearl's original crew.  They marooned me on an island, an' sailed after th' treasure without me."

            He lapsed back into silence.  I stared at him, uncertain of myself for the first time in years.  I didn't know what had made him tell me that, but I understood now why news of the Black Pearl had upset him.  As I watched, I was amazed to see two wet spots on his cheeks.  Captain Jack Sparrow, one of the most famed pirates in the Spanish Main, was crying as he looked at his stolen ship.  The sight stirred a feeling within me that I hadn't felt since before I joined the crew of the Sea Dragon.  It took me a moment to place the feeling.  It was sympathy.  I knew how I would feel if I were marooned by my mates on the Sea Dragon, and it wasn't even my ship.  Without bothering to think of how he would take it, I pulled my shirt cuff over my hand, and used it to dry Jack's eyes.

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            I tripped over my skirts in the dark, and swore loudly.  A nearby sentry stared at me, obviously amazed to hear such language from a woman.  I turned away, not willing to let him see the tears now running down my cheeks.  I furiously wiped them away, and stared out at the water again.

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You used to captivate me
By your resonating light

            I had left the Sea Dragon.  After 11 years of devoted service, I had left.  It was because of the new Captain.  He was…I couldn't quite place it.  He was wrong.  I didn't even know how he'd been elected Captain, except that the crew had changed a lot in a short amount of time.  Harry and I were the only crewmembers left from my first years on board.  We had both disliked the new Captain, and left the ship.  The new Captain seemed weak, and cowardly.  He didn't have a proper pirate's sense of adventure, and was squeamish about fighting.  He relied heavily on political tricks and sneakiness.  It wasn't right, for a Captain.

            One week after I left, while I was still stranded on Tortuga without work, I heard news that made my stomach drop.  Captain Alexander, the bloodthirsty maniac I had fought with at thirteen, had attacked the Sea Dragon.  And rather than fight for his ship, the new Captain had surrendered after the first shot.  And to top off the indignity, Captain Alexander had changed the name of the Sea Dragon.  I couldn't believe my ears when this bit of news reached me.  No pirate I'd ever heard of was arrogant enough to re-christen a ship, but Alexander had.  He called her the Empire.  As this news circulated, I found out more about Captain Alexander than I'd ever wanted to know.  He had re-named himself early in his career, after Alexander the Great.  And apparently, he was ambitious.  He wanted more than treasure and fame, he wanted to conquer and rule.  Even the lowest of the low on Tortuga were as appalled by this as I was, and we passed many rowdy hours badmouthing Alexander.

            Two weeks after my arrival on Tortuga, I was sitting on the docks when I saw the Black Pearl sail into the harbor.  She looked better than she had last time I had seen her.  Her woodwork had been repaired, she had been repainted, and her sails were full and in good condition.  As I watched her come in, I thought about Jack, as I did occasionally.  I hadn't seen him since that night so long ago, although I had heard more of his exploits.  Because I was thinking about him, I didn't realize at first that it actually was him at the tiller of the Black Pearl.  When I saw him, I jumped up, and hurried over to where the crew of the ship was now disembarking.   Jack was the last one off.  He saw me immediately.

            "Greetins, blondie," he cried.

            "Ye got `er back!" I exclaimed.  "Ye'll have to tell me th' story over a drink tonight."

            Jack agreed, and joined Harry and I that evening.  After he finished his story, and we finished congratulating him, I thought of something.

            "I don't suppose Jack, that since ye've got your ship back, ye'd be needin' some extra hands aboard?" I asked.  "Harry an' I left the Sea Dragon just before that miserable Alexander got a hold of `er, and we've been lookin' for work a fortnight now."

            Jack gave us both searching looks.  "Well," he admitted, "She's short a few men.  Or women," he added hastily.  Apparently he hadn't forgotten my touchiness.  "So I s'pose I wouldn' be objected to bringin' ye both on.  An' I did tell ye that I'd find ye work aboard the Pearl if ye ever needed it."  I smiled inwardly.  I hadn't been sure Jack would remember his promise.

            I found myself thinking about Jack long into that night.  He had a new quality about him, now that he had his ship back.  He had always been confident and funny, but he had a new air of…not peacefulness…more an air of being settled, of knowing that he was where he was meant to be.  He had lost the restlessness I remembered in him.  I quite liked this new side of Jack, particularly when it was combined with the qualities he already possessed.  He commanded the attention of anybody and everybody when he wanted to, but never seemed as arrogant as some Captains…like Captain bloody Alexander, who I had grown to hate with a passion.  My thoughts drifted on to anger and disgust about Alexander, and I feel asleep.

            It wasn't until I had been working on the Black Pearl for some weeks that I realized I hardly thought of anybody besides Jack.  I spent as much time as I could talking to him, or having him teach me how to steer the ship, or just watching him.  And as I lay awake one evening, my mind on Jack as usual, I finally understood what was going on.  I had fallen in love.

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            My heart broke for the hundredth time as I thought of that love.  Of course, I hadn't done anything about it.  How could I?  I was a crewmember, and Jack was my Captain.  I was a pirate girl.  I insisted that everybody, even Jack, treat me the same as the men.  How could I then expect him to look at me the way he looked at the ladies of Tortuga?  And did I even want him to look at me like that?  I knew he had never attached himself to any woman in any port.  He wouldn't change that for me.

            Or at least, that's what I had thought.  And so I had let Jack become the center of my world, the only person I loved as much as I loved the sea, but never told him of my feelings.  And now he was gone.  I was alone.  I tried to stop the memories from rushing back, but I was unable to steer my thoughts away.  I didn't want to relive the terrible experiences, but I couldn't help it.

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When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

            "They're goin' to attack," Jack predicted.

            "How d'ye know?" one of the new hands demanded.  I laughed aloud.  Jack didn't even bother replying, preferring not to waste his time.  I answered, "Lad, that ship is The Empire.  The man at the tiller is Cap'n Alexander."  I knew I didn't need to say any more.  The stories told the rest.  I turned my attention back to Jack, and to the approaching ship.

            "The Mermaid should be `ere soon," I murmured.  Harry had only lasted six months on the Black Pearl before announcing that he had saved enough money to buy his own ship, and he did so.  The Mermaid was his, and we had been waiting for her in the waters near Tortuga when The Empire had sailed over the horizon.  In the year since I had come aboard the Black Pearl, Captain Alexander had carved out a name for himself as well known as Jack Sparrow's.  But while Jack was famous for his accomplishments, Alexander was famous for his cruelties.  We had never yet come face-to-face with The Empire, but Jack and I both knew that was about to change.

            Jack smiled at me reassuringly.  "Remember darlin', I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, and this is the Black Pearl.  We'll hold `er off till Harry shows up, and then we'll make an end to Captain Alexander an' his Empire, savvy?"

            I nodded confidently.  The Black Pearl had never lost a battle, and I knew she wouldn't now.  I made sure my pistol and cutlass were easily accessible, and headed below decks to ready the cannons.  Within ten minutes, I heard a loud yell from above.

            "FIRE!" Jack roared.  We obeyed, firing the cannons, and then immediately ducking.  A hole was blasted two feet away from me, and a few pieces of debris flew in my direction, but I was too accustomed to battle to mind.  Another volley, and another, and then the ships were too close for cannons, and Jack was calling us all above.

            Our guns had done more damage to The Empire than hers had done to us, and I was optimistic about the battle.  But I felt a slight tremor of fear go through me as I arrived on the deck.  The Empire's crew outnumbered us two-to-one, and they were ready to board.  I spared a glance for Jack, searching his eyes, which I knew betrayed his emotions.  I saw fear there, but a stubborn glare that I recognized, and I was relieved.  Jack would not let his ship be stolen again.  If the Black Pearl lost, he would sink her himself and go down with her rather than let her fall into Alexander's hands.  And I knew that I would go with him.  I drew my weapons and readied myself to fight.  Jack let out a scream, and unintelligible battle cry, and I rushed forward.

            The battle was long and bloody.  The Empire's men outnumbered us, but they didn't have our sense of need and passion.  Each and every person aboard the Black Pearl felt a fierce loyalty to her, and to Jack.  We were willing to go any lengths to protect them both.  So the battle raged back and forth, and for a long time, it was unclear who was winning.  But slowly, despite our struggles, The Empire's crew advanced.  I was beginning to despair, when I heard a loud cannon fire.  I jerked my head around, and to my intense relief, saw The Mermaid drawing near.  I let out a joyful shout.  As our enemies looked for the source of the noise, we charged.  We were winning now, and the crew of The Empire was looking frightened.  Within a few minutes, we had driven most of them back to their ship.

            Only then was I able to search for Jack in the crowd.  I was alarmed when I saw him.  He had blood streaming from his right arm, and several smaller cuts.  He was limping slightly on one leg, I couldn't tell which.  He was engaged with none other than Captain Alexander, and the two were evenly matched.  Jack's mouth was tight, and he was fighting with a fury that I had never seen before. 

            I cried out in pain as a cutlass sliced into my side, scraping my ribs.  I hit my attacker hard on the head with my pistol, sending him sprawling to the deck, and returned to the battle.

            After another few minutes of hard fighting, The Mermaid finally reached us.  Most of Harry's crew leapt aboard and assisted us, and before long, the battle was won.  Jack had collapsed against the tiller, and I knelt at his side, ignoring my own wounds.

            "I'm alright love," Jack assured me.  "Just a little tired out.  Help me up," he ordered.  I obeyed, trying to ignore the fluttering of my stomach as my arm wrapped around his waist.  We walked towards Harry where he stood at the edge of the deck, looking after Captain Alexander's retreating ship.  As we reached him, I heard the crack of a gun from The Empire.

            I screamed loudly, again and again, unable to stop.  A large red spot had appeared on Jack's chest.  Harry slapped me hard to stop my shrieks, and helped me lower Jack to the deck.

            "Harry," choked Jack.  "Take `er to the fort…she'll be safe…Alexander isn't through yet.  Make sure she stays."

            "Stop it," I moaned.  "Stop saying things like that, I don't want to leave."  I hardly knew what I was saying, only that I didn't want to believe in that red stain.

            Jack looked straight at me.  "I'm sorry," he gasped.  He grasped my hand and squeezed it tightly, fighting with the pain.  "I love ye," he whispered.  I felt sobs rising in my chest, my whole body shuddering with the pain.

            "Take `er now Harry," Jack croaked.  "I don't want `er t'see this."

            I screamed, fought, swore and shouted, but Harry and his men forced me onto their ship and we set off for a nearby fort.  After a hurried conference with the commander there, Harry left me, and returned to the sea.  I was trapped.

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But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

            Six months since that awful day.  Six months of imprisonment in the fort, working for my keep.  I was allowed an unusual amount of freedom, for a servant, because nobody at the fort was quite sure what to make of me.  Although they made me wear skirts and dresses, I still walked, talked, and acted like a sailor.  But despite my freedom within the fort, I couldn't escape its walls.  I knew Harry had his men watching the area to make sure I obeyed Jack's final orders.  And I couldn't resent Jack for what he had said.  He had done it out of love…why oh why had those been his last words to me?  Why hadn't I known sooner?  All that time, thinking I was doomed to unrequited love…and now he was gone, and it was too late.

            There hadn't been one night since I arrived at the fort when I hadn't woken up screaming and crying, sometimes more than once.  Every single night I relived the battle on the ships.  And every day, my hatred of Alexander grew stronger, as did my fear.  His was the ship that I knew would someday come into the harbor, searching for me.  And then Jack's efforts for my safety would be for nothing.

            "I'm `ere to see one of the maids," said a voice from the gate.  I tensed.  It sounded just like Jack…

            "What's your name?" the sentry demanded.

            "Smith," replied the voice.  I leaned against the wall, ignoring the conversation and falling back into my misery.  Jack was dead.  My mind was turning every voice into his; I couldn't escape thoughts of him.  I couldn't live like this, without the sea and without Jack.

            I leaned over the side of the fort, staring at the ocean below.  And then it hit me.  I really couldn't live like this.  I had no freedom.  I had no Jack.  Nothing mattered anymore.

            The nearest sentry saw me plummeting towards the water, and yelled something, but I couldn't hear it.  A face leaned over the edge of the wall.  And then I hit the water.  I sank slowly, my lungs filling.  I was in so much pain, but at least I knew it would all be over soon…I began to feel dizzy.  My limbs had gone numb.

            Then strong hands were gripping my waist, and pulling me up.  I tried to struggle, but I was too weak.  We broke the surface of the water.  I coughed violently, took two deep breaths, and passed out.

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I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

            "That was quite a fall you took miss, you ought to be more careful."  It was the sentry's voice above me.  Was it he who had forced me back to my empty existence?  I opened my eyes, but the world swam around me, making me feel sick.  I shut my eyes tightly again.  I was lying on the ground, my head pillowed on…something.  Perhaps a jacket, I thought.

            "Well then," mumbled the sentry.  "I'll be going."  I couldn't fathom why he sounded so uncomfortable.  He had presumably just saved my life.  I heard his steps as he walked away, and up to the wall of the fort.  And then it occurred to me that somebody was still holding my hand.  So it hadn't been the sentry.  I forced my eyes open once more, to see who it was.  I felt dizzy again, but as I kept my eyes open, it eventually faded to a slight fuzzy feeling.  It took another few moments for my vision to adjust to the darkness, and I turned my head to see who it was, and gasped.

            "Jack," I whispered.

            "That was no fall lass," he said in an equally soft voice.

            "Ye're a ghost," I stammered.  "Ye can't be real…I've gone mad, I'm seein' things…"  I reached out a hand, and touched his arm.  It was solid.

            "I'm real love," he assured me.  To prove it, he put his arm around my waist, and pulled me into a sitting position.  "Now what were ye playin' at, goin' over the edge like that?"

            "I was so lonely Jack," I sobbed.  "I missed the sea.  And I missed you."  I clutched at his hand, expecting any moment that he would disappear and leave me alone again.  I raised my teary eyes to his, and felt my stomach turn upside down.  The intensity of his gaze took my breath away.  Another moment, and I couldn't think anymore, because he was kissing me.  And I knew that he was real.  Somehow, against all odds, Captain Jack Sparrow had lived.