This Chapter is Buffy/First Slayer POV. There are spoilers
for Season 7, both "Get it Done" and "Chosen" and Season 5
"Forever".
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Know Your Strength
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I wondered where I was. I glanced around, noticing there was nothing else moving around me. I had no direction to go. I had nowhere. Was I anywhere? Was I anything?
I continued walking.
It was then I saw the fire. I walked toward it. I wasn't cold. I wasn't hot either. I'm not sure what I was. I was just walking barefoot in sand toward a fire I had just spotted.
I reached the fire and sat down on the log, offered like a bench for royalty. I sat down and extended my arms toward the fire, suddenly feeling a chill like a thousand blocks of ice being traced across my body. I moved closer to the fire.
I blinked. The flames seemed to be growing higher. "It's waiting for you."
I turned to the voice behind me. Tara was standing there. "You took her voice."
"She asked me to bring you here. She asked that you would come."
"Who?" I was confused now. I put my hand to my head, which was beginning to ache. I narrowed my eyes to see her better, to hear her next answer. It was as though bells were ringing in my head.
"Her," Tara replied softly, gesturing across the fire. I turned my head to see nothing except flames dancing.
Day became night. Tara waited beside me, wordlessly ignoring my questions and concerns as I muttered to myself, my headache becoming steadily worse.
"You speak a lot about what you've lost," she finally said, noticing as I fell silent my lack of words toward my friends.
"I miss them," I replied softly. "I wish they were here."
"Do you not believe in yourself? Have you only put your faith in others?"
"They watch my back," I said.
"They watched you die."
"Am I dead?"
"Are you?"
She was starting to confuse me now. How was I supposed to know what I was? I silently gazed at her, waiting for her to continue. "Death was your gift."
"Was my gift?" I asked, speaking each word slowly. "I am dead?"
"That's for you to decide."
"How?"
"You choose."
The voice had changed. I turned my gaze to the fire. I saw her, huddled by the fire. She moved back and forth, darting. "I don't understand."
"You never did," she replied, still moving from side to side, her eyes never leaving my face.
I was getting frustrated now. Surely, she could see that. I shook my head to prove I really never did understand and waited for her to speak again.
"It is time for you to know your strength," the first Slayer replied, continuing her motions. "It is time for you to know what you are and what you become."
I was still not understanding her. For all I knew, she was speaking mandarin.
She moved closer to me. She lifted her hand and gently, ever so gently, touched my face. "You will."
I was watching her, watching her shake her head back and forth. Her eyes widened with disbelief when I touched her face, only wanting to make her see. I moved my hand over her eyes and felt her shift beneath my grasp. Then I heard her gasp.
She was seeing again.
"You see?" I asked.
She nodded, her form going limp as she moved into a restless sleep. I kept my hand over her eyes and watched as she began seeing.
I could see it in my mind, too.
She was walking, the same path she had walked before, when she saw them. Three men surrounding a smoldering box, pounding their staffs onto the ground. Before them was a woman shackled to a tree. She had her eyes closed and was writhing in pain, her face and body full of white pain. One moved closer to her and spoke softly, his Swahili echoing in the vast desert. He moved down. He opened the box. Black smoke poured out and surrounded the girl, who's terrified screams echoed endlessly. The Slayer watched from a distance as the three men drew around her, speaking of her newfound strength. She had been chosen to stand against the forces of darkness that threatened to destroy them. Through the light of darkness, she would stand. Alone.
The scenery changed. The Slayer was on top of the tower, telling her sister how much she loved her. To live. For her. The Slayer then turned and jumped. Far below, a witch was staring upwards, her face in disbelief. They managed to move. To escape. But I saw clearly that she was summoning her own strengths to stop it.
The scene shifted again. The Slayer was in her house, talking to her friends. The witch. And the boy. They were discussing the Slayer's mother. The Mother was dying, and the Slayer was worried. She was crying. The true Slayer stands aside and watches, clearly, as the witch hugs the Slayer in the scene and utters words of comfort. The Slayer then moves up the stairs. We follow her. The Mother is in her bed, her face contorted in agony. The Slayer moves to her and sits down beside her. They speak in quiet voices about what to do with the Sister. The Slayer promises to take care of her, no matter what happens. The Mother makes her promise that nothing will ever happen to her, because it has given the Slayer a purpose to fight even harder. The Slayer smiles and walks away. Next to me, the Slayer is in tears.
It's now dark. It's cold. The graveyard looks unfamiliar as the Slayer stands by freshly heaped earth, trembling. Vampires circle around her, yet she takes no notice of them. Her eyes are cast down at the earth, as though she were expecting a body to spring alive. She utters a eulogy for her Mother, something forgotten in the past. She bends down and touches the ground. 'I'm sorry I wasn't there to watch you die' she whispers before rising again. It's then that the Vampire joins her side, his hand into hers. As much as she needs him, he needs to feel the warmth of someone in pain. No matter how much love there is between the two, it's divided from darkness into light.
I can now see what is happening in daylight. The Slayer and I walk into a cavern, where the witch, the boy, and the chipped vampire are fighting their way to a rock. Instead of the vampire fighting off the pack, it is the witch, uttering a curse and dispelling the lot. 'This woman is more powerful than you lot' the vampire snarls, before staking his last. The witch goes to the rock and looks down, finding the one trace left of the slayer. The guardians.
The guardian steps from behind the rock and thanks them for protecting her. She was sent to watch over the priests who first gave the Slayer life. She stands guard over something precious, something only the Slayer can have, and that's the power she offers. The strength. The ability to survive.
I close my eyes and slowly remove my hand from her face.
She awakens with a gasp.
I gasped and sat up with a start, lifting my gaze to the first, now circling the fire again. "Where do I find it?"
"Inside," the slayer speaks. "You find strength inside. Fury. Passion. Innocence. All bottled inside." She pauses. "But outside, you have friends. A witch, more powerful than the priests who gave us life. A boy, the ability to see he has. The watcher, more wisdom and knowledge give him more power. The vampire, a fighter seeking redemption. He will never leave your side. And the guardian, the most sacred of all. She was the last surprise."
"I need to find her for myself," I said quickly, glancing around. "Bring me back."
"You alone can take yourself back," the first slayer replied. She drew closer to me and I pulled away, afraid. "Do not fear what you don't know. Take your challenges ahead. The stuttering witch will show you the guardian. She belongs with their world. One with it. I can speak through her for that."
I tried to stand up. My legs buckled. "How can I go back?"
"Want. To. Live."
I wanted to live. More than anything. To see Willow and Xander again, my two closest friends in the world. And Giles. God knows what he's been through for the past...
"How long have I been gone?"
"Too long. They fight alone. They stand alone. Alone."
"Not anymore," I replied tartly, finally rising. "To combine our strengths is stronger than fighting alone... you taught me that."
"I taught you that no friends keeps you alive," the first slayer snarled. "Your friends have risen beyond power. Beyond Glory. They will stand together. Until the end."
"I'm going back," I replied.
She touched my face again with a sad smile. "Want. To. Live."
I closed my eyes as I walked away, hugging myself. I continued to walk, until I disappeared into the light.
And opened my eyes.