Chapter the Second

Buses are crappy. Go figure. The bus alone was bad enough. But when Pratt started singing one million bottles of beer in the wall, it was hell.

Pratt: One million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer!

Abby: Oh my God, I want a beer.

Susan: No Abby, stay strong. We can't have you drunk before we go out!

Pratt: Nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine bottles of beer!

Deb: Shut up!

Gallant: I can't study when your singing is so bad.

Luka: God, make it stop!

Mandi: Okay

Pratt: MUMMPK

His mouth has been taped shut.

Carter: Who are you?

Mandi: I am God

Carter: Cool! Can you grant wishes?

Mandi: I'm God, not some stupid genie!

Lightning comes from the sky, and hits Carter.

Gallant: You killed Carter!

Luka: Can I have a puppy?

Mandi: Sure

Instantly, a little puppy appears. Luka names it Puppy. He is so creative.

Mandi: Anybody else want something?

Abby: Can I have a beer?

Mandi: No, I'm going to try and keep this PG rated.

Abby: Uh, okay, can I have some 'water'?

Mandi: No. You can have root beer.

A crate of root beer appears. Susan and Abby pounce on it.

Mandi: Anybody else?

Romano: Now that you mention it…could I have a Bionic Arm? With Jets? And Flames? And a cattle prod?

Mandi: Sure. Just don't burn anybody.

Romano: I can't promise that.

Romano's arm turns to one that looks like it came from the year 4000.

Romano: I like it! Hey, back to work, cow!

He stabs Pratt with the cattle prod.

Mandi: Okay, the reader is surely getting bored by now. So, stop acting like such idiots and do as I tell you to. I'm looking at you, Carter. Don't make me erase your name from this plot.

Susan: There's a plot here? Because you sure wouldn't know it.

Mandi: Don't make me curse you.

Susan: God doesn't curse people.

Abby: I think I was cursed. What's up with my story line? Why do I always act so stuck up? I was good until season seven.

Luka: You were never good in season seven. Or six.

Mandi: I'd like to see you do a better job with this writing, Ms. Susan 'I'm incapable of hanging onto a boyfriend for more than 1o minutes and got through med school by paying the teachers' Lewis

Susan: I could. I have a good idea where the Queen of England –

Elizabeth: Me?

Susan: No, the other one. Anyway, she needs a replacement, and I'm there and –

Mandi: Save it for Hollywood.

Susan: But Queen Susan sounds so nice.

Mandi: Fine

Queen Susan: Oh cool.

Mandi: If the reader hasn't fallen asleep now, we should get back to the story line.

Deb: Wait! First, change my name to Jing-Mei! It's my real name!

Mandi: Nuh-uh

Deb: Yes

Mandi: No

Deb: Yes

Mandi: No way

Deb: Yes way

Jing-Mei: Yes way-oh

Mandi: There you go, Deb

Deb: Hey!

Jing-Mei: leave it alone!

Deb: Stop!

Jing-Mei: I hate you, God

Mandi: I'm not God. I lied. I'm the drug police.

Carter: Oh…I swear to God-

Mandi: Mandi

Carter: I swear to Mandi that I didn't find the needle It.Found.Me. And these aren't pills, they're tictacs!

Luka: Same thing. They both kill

Abby: Really?

Luka: Have you ever tasted a tictac?

Mandi: You've been warned, Carter. You are gone from this plot. Be gone. I call upon my mighty eraser to erase your name. Buhbye.

Elizabeth: Abby, shouldn't you say something?

Abby: Why? Oh, right, the boyfriend thing. Oh, please don't take Smarter away from me!

Elizabeth: Carter

Abby: Who?

Mandi: All of Carters lines go to Luka, the next male leader

Luka: Explain.

Mandi: Dr. Ross moved away, Dr. Greene is dead (sob), Dr. Carter has been erased. That leaves you, Pratt, Gallant or Romano. For obvious reasons, I choose you.

Gallant: Well, whatever. Excuse me, but I'm leaving I have to study for med school.

Mandi: You can't leave, because I'm not the drug police, I'm the organizer of the popular fan club, We Love Gallant And Think That He Rocks Club. W.L.G.A.T.T.H.R.C for short.

Gallant: Really?

Elizabeth (bored out of her mind): Oh wow, look at the time. I think I hear Big Ben calling me.

Mandi: Not yet.

Elizabeth: Oh

Clock Ringing

Mandi: There you go. Now be off, and no more stupidity.

Romano: Whatever you say, God. Hey Pratt, move it! We have to go to Lizzie's house.

Elizabeth: WHAT?

*********

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