Author's Note: Ah, my first constructive criticism. I knew I was going to
get one eventually. I'm just glad it wasn't a flame. Well, I certainly
respect your opinion, but I have a few things I believe you should
understand from my point of view.
First of all, I'm glad you liked Phil's comic relief and Shade's hidden angst (which I will go into with a lot more detail later). Shade is one of my own favorite characters, and I'm happy other people can understand the depth I've tried to give him. Secondly, on the point of power. First of all, you have to realize the first 30 chapters have taken place in a relatively short span of time, and they haven't become very experienced as Dragoons yet. Also, although Dart or Rose wouldn't be likely to be blown to pieces by a Virage beam, it would certainly sting quite a bit, and the beam actually just incapacitated Rayen long enough so that it could finish him off. I personally think a thousand-year old Virage would be slightly more powerful than a few inexperienced Dragoons would. Besides which, if I made them invincible, it wouldn't be very interesting, would it? About Dawn, I have to confess that I really haven't gone into much depth on her character, which I feel slightly guilty about and will try to change in the future. I don't know what I was thinking in the whole heirloom thing, but I'll try and figure out a connection later on, she must have kept it hidden for a reason (that's why they didn't notice). Finally, about the continuation. All of my stories turn into epics, unfortunately. I realize I've kind of lost my stride, which is why I'm taking more time in between chapters to really improve the quality of my writing, which, so far, does not appear to be happening. I'm working really hard. Keep in mind, this is my first fic, I'm not an experienced author like you must be, although you'd think 31 chapters would have SOME effect on me.
Now, I hope you don't think I'm counterstriking or anything by writing this. Actually, I was probably going to write something to this effect eventually anyway. You just provided the perfect opportunity and I thank you for that.
As for good books, I am reading more fantasy stories. I like Weis and Hickman, and I'm also reading some R.A. Salvatore that's really interesting (the Crimson Shadow Trilogy, I'm currently on Luthien's Gamble), and maybe some of that creative genius will rub off on me (probably not, but I can hope). OK? Thanks again for the review, I actually needed to get that off my mind.
Chapter 32
"We've been driving around this backwater town for an hour now, and we still haven't found the Dragoon you're so convinced is here," Shade complained.
Rayen turned a hard stare on the black-clad warrior. "What's an hour to us? Besides, are you really convinced that the Dragoon Spirit would deceive us?"
Shade sighed resignedly, knowing that Rayen was right. The Dragoon Spirit was incapable of misleading them when its destined owner was near.
"Whoever it is, it's leaving the town, and it's headed that way, as far as I can tell," Rayen continued. "We should be able to catch up if you would just step on it."
Shade mumbled a half-hearted protest, but he did accelerate, and quickly caught up with the mysterious Dragoon.
"That's him," Rayen exclaimed.
Shade was skeptical. "How can you be sure?"
Rayen arced an eyebrow, because the man wore armor and carried a gigantic double-bladed axe in both hands, which was slung over his massive shoulders. Shade sighed again, and pulled the motorhome into the rut on the side of the road, disturbing a large cloud of dust from its calm residence. Rayen pulled open his door and slid to the ground. He examined the soon-to- be Dragoon, sizing him up.
Rayen immediately knew why this man was walking alone outside of town. He was immense, standing well over six and a half feet tall, with a sloping forehead and earthy features, all of which betrayed his ancestry. He was undeniably half-Giganto, a rare sight in any part of the world. His race was generally ostracized from society, considered barbaric and stupid, because good portions of them were illiterate. This did not seem to apply to this individual, however. He looked in his early fifties, with a penetrating gaze and graying hair about his temples that signified a long life filled with hardship. But he carried himself and his formidable weapon with pride, and Rayen had no doubt he knew how to use the axe very well.
The half-Giganto regarded the Red-Eye's calculating gaze with scrutiny of his own. "Satisfied?"
Rayen seemed rather taken aback by this statement. "By what?"
"By whatever you're judging. Do I fit the qualifications, or am I just another brutish giant?"
"No. Besides, even if you were, it wouldn't matter. You are the only person for the job."
He held up the Golden Spirit, which was shining with renewed intensity. The half-Giganto took it, and it radiated an even stronger glow.
"You are Dragoons? Both of you?"
Rayen and Shade nodded.
"You need me?"
Rayen nodded again.
"Well, who am I to deny destiny? I have no direction anymore anyway. I will come with you."
Rayen sighed with relief. "I don't believe you told us your name."
"I am Oraeus. Now then, tell me your story."
Rayen pulled open the door, and the half-Giganto had to stoop to avoid hitting the ceiling. Shade started the car, and pulled back on the road toward the Shrine. Over the roar of the engine, Rayen began to narrate their tale, wondering all the while what Destiny had in store for them further along the path they had chosen.
Time for a brief scene change...
It was hot, damnably hot, but that was to be expected, due to the fact that they were nearing a very active volcano. The three Dragoons were sweating profusely, and the breeze Phil had conjured had done little to cool them off.
"Man, a Sea Dragoon would come in real handy right now," Phil mumbled.
Kyra looked up. Although she knew Phil hadn't meant to, that remark stung her. There was no Sea Dragoon because of her, and she regretted it just as much as any of the others, possibly more. She had been tricked into thinking she was working for the good of Endiness, when she was really sending to its destruction. But the Dragoons had opened her eyes, and she now knew her past follies, and was now striving to correct those mistakes. She couldn't erase the past, but she could fix it.
After another grueling hour of toil they stood at the lip of the volcano, staring down into its molten bubbling depths.
"If it's down there, somebody else can go and get it," Phil said as he shook his head. "Preferably Rayen."
Dawn shook her head. "Rayen's not here, so we'll just have to get it ourselves."
Phil still wasn't convinced. "How?"
Dawn reached up to the still unnamed Silver Dragon perched on her shoulder. "I don't know."
Kyra stooped low, picking up a large stone from the mouth of the mountain. "I bet there's something in there. Let's wake it up."
She hurled the stone into the heart of the volcano, where it struck the lava with a small splash, liquefying almost instantly.
"Well, that did a lot," Phil remarked dryly.
As if on cue, the volcano erupted, sending what looked like a shower of molten rock into the air. The Dragoons stumbled backwards, but the eruption was not what it appeared. Birds hovered in the air above the volcano, their bodies wreathed in crackling flames.
Phil was the first to regain his composure. "I really hope I've got double vision or something, because there should NOT be that many of those things."
Dawn gasped once she got to her feet. "There's a whole pack of them!"
Phil took this opportunity to imitate his former English teacher from Lavitz Slambert High School, which seemed like eons ago to the Jade Dragoon. "Actually, I believe a group of Fire Birds would be referred to as a flock."
Kyra was already preparing her Dragoon Spirit. "Save your sarcasm for later, Phil. At least then we'll know we're alive."
Author's Note: Yes, every fantasy story has to have both a senile old geezer and a guy with a really big axe, but I take both and make one character out of it! Go me!
First of all, I'm glad you liked Phil's comic relief and Shade's hidden angst (which I will go into with a lot more detail later). Shade is one of my own favorite characters, and I'm happy other people can understand the depth I've tried to give him. Secondly, on the point of power. First of all, you have to realize the first 30 chapters have taken place in a relatively short span of time, and they haven't become very experienced as Dragoons yet. Also, although Dart or Rose wouldn't be likely to be blown to pieces by a Virage beam, it would certainly sting quite a bit, and the beam actually just incapacitated Rayen long enough so that it could finish him off. I personally think a thousand-year old Virage would be slightly more powerful than a few inexperienced Dragoons would. Besides which, if I made them invincible, it wouldn't be very interesting, would it? About Dawn, I have to confess that I really haven't gone into much depth on her character, which I feel slightly guilty about and will try to change in the future. I don't know what I was thinking in the whole heirloom thing, but I'll try and figure out a connection later on, she must have kept it hidden for a reason (that's why they didn't notice). Finally, about the continuation. All of my stories turn into epics, unfortunately. I realize I've kind of lost my stride, which is why I'm taking more time in between chapters to really improve the quality of my writing, which, so far, does not appear to be happening. I'm working really hard. Keep in mind, this is my first fic, I'm not an experienced author like you must be, although you'd think 31 chapters would have SOME effect on me.
Now, I hope you don't think I'm counterstriking or anything by writing this. Actually, I was probably going to write something to this effect eventually anyway. You just provided the perfect opportunity and I thank you for that.
As for good books, I am reading more fantasy stories. I like Weis and Hickman, and I'm also reading some R.A. Salvatore that's really interesting (the Crimson Shadow Trilogy, I'm currently on Luthien's Gamble), and maybe some of that creative genius will rub off on me (probably not, but I can hope). OK? Thanks again for the review, I actually needed to get that off my mind.
Chapter 32
"We've been driving around this backwater town for an hour now, and we still haven't found the Dragoon you're so convinced is here," Shade complained.
Rayen turned a hard stare on the black-clad warrior. "What's an hour to us? Besides, are you really convinced that the Dragoon Spirit would deceive us?"
Shade sighed resignedly, knowing that Rayen was right. The Dragoon Spirit was incapable of misleading them when its destined owner was near.
"Whoever it is, it's leaving the town, and it's headed that way, as far as I can tell," Rayen continued. "We should be able to catch up if you would just step on it."
Shade mumbled a half-hearted protest, but he did accelerate, and quickly caught up with the mysterious Dragoon.
"That's him," Rayen exclaimed.
Shade was skeptical. "How can you be sure?"
Rayen arced an eyebrow, because the man wore armor and carried a gigantic double-bladed axe in both hands, which was slung over his massive shoulders. Shade sighed again, and pulled the motorhome into the rut on the side of the road, disturbing a large cloud of dust from its calm residence. Rayen pulled open his door and slid to the ground. He examined the soon-to- be Dragoon, sizing him up.
Rayen immediately knew why this man was walking alone outside of town. He was immense, standing well over six and a half feet tall, with a sloping forehead and earthy features, all of which betrayed his ancestry. He was undeniably half-Giganto, a rare sight in any part of the world. His race was generally ostracized from society, considered barbaric and stupid, because good portions of them were illiterate. This did not seem to apply to this individual, however. He looked in his early fifties, with a penetrating gaze and graying hair about his temples that signified a long life filled with hardship. But he carried himself and his formidable weapon with pride, and Rayen had no doubt he knew how to use the axe very well.
The half-Giganto regarded the Red-Eye's calculating gaze with scrutiny of his own. "Satisfied?"
Rayen seemed rather taken aback by this statement. "By what?"
"By whatever you're judging. Do I fit the qualifications, or am I just another brutish giant?"
"No. Besides, even if you were, it wouldn't matter. You are the only person for the job."
He held up the Golden Spirit, which was shining with renewed intensity. The half-Giganto took it, and it radiated an even stronger glow.
"You are Dragoons? Both of you?"
Rayen and Shade nodded.
"You need me?"
Rayen nodded again.
"Well, who am I to deny destiny? I have no direction anymore anyway. I will come with you."
Rayen sighed with relief. "I don't believe you told us your name."
"I am Oraeus. Now then, tell me your story."
Rayen pulled open the door, and the half-Giganto had to stoop to avoid hitting the ceiling. Shade started the car, and pulled back on the road toward the Shrine. Over the roar of the engine, Rayen began to narrate their tale, wondering all the while what Destiny had in store for them further along the path they had chosen.
Time for a brief scene change...
It was hot, damnably hot, but that was to be expected, due to the fact that they were nearing a very active volcano. The three Dragoons were sweating profusely, and the breeze Phil had conjured had done little to cool them off.
"Man, a Sea Dragoon would come in real handy right now," Phil mumbled.
Kyra looked up. Although she knew Phil hadn't meant to, that remark stung her. There was no Sea Dragoon because of her, and she regretted it just as much as any of the others, possibly more. She had been tricked into thinking she was working for the good of Endiness, when she was really sending to its destruction. But the Dragoons had opened her eyes, and she now knew her past follies, and was now striving to correct those mistakes. She couldn't erase the past, but she could fix it.
After another grueling hour of toil they stood at the lip of the volcano, staring down into its molten bubbling depths.
"If it's down there, somebody else can go and get it," Phil said as he shook his head. "Preferably Rayen."
Dawn shook her head. "Rayen's not here, so we'll just have to get it ourselves."
Phil still wasn't convinced. "How?"
Dawn reached up to the still unnamed Silver Dragon perched on her shoulder. "I don't know."
Kyra stooped low, picking up a large stone from the mouth of the mountain. "I bet there's something in there. Let's wake it up."
She hurled the stone into the heart of the volcano, where it struck the lava with a small splash, liquefying almost instantly.
"Well, that did a lot," Phil remarked dryly.
As if on cue, the volcano erupted, sending what looked like a shower of molten rock into the air. The Dragoons stumbled backwards, but the eruption was not what it appeared. Birds hovered in the air above the volcano, their bodies wreathed in crackling flames.
Phil was the first to regain his composure. "I really hope I've got double vision or something, because there should NOT be that many of those things."
Dawn gasped once she got to her feet. "There's a whole pack of them!"
Phil took this opportunity to imitate his former English teacher from Lavitz Slambert High School, which seemed like eons ago to the Jade Dragoon. "Actually, I believe a group of Fire Birds would be referred to as a flock."
Kyra was already preparing her Dragoon Spirit. "Save your sarcasm for later, Phil. At least then we'll know we're alive."
Author's Note: Yes, every fantasy story has to have both a senile old geezer and a guy with a really big axe, but I take both and make one character out of it! Go me!