When Jack woke up, he found himself in bed with Maria and Ann, one of them
on either side of him. They were sound asleep, and it didn't seem like they
had passed out from excessive snoochie-boochies or booze. He sat up, and
saw that Ann's father, the mayor, and the mayor's wife were all passed out
on the floor. He gulped.
All of the mountainfolk were draped across his table, with the remnants of joints in their hands. Bob was asleep on one of Eve's breasts, and the other Sprites were nowhere to be found. Jack could see that many of the villagers "got some" the night before: The bartender and the florist, the shipper and the little redhead girl (illegally), and the little blonde boy and himself.
He decided to dress Ann, Maria, and himself before their parents woke up. They could and would beat the crap out of him, hangover or no. He searched around for his boxers. They were gone!
'Ah well,' he thought, and decided to dress his two bedmates and put them somewhere else. There was a slight bulge in one of Maria's dress pockets, but Jack didn't really think anything of it. He dressed the girls and laid them gently on the floor across the room. He searched around a little more for his boxers, but to no avail. They had just disappeared! He looked in his dresser for more pairs. They were all gone! All of his underwear was gone! There wasn't even that pair of briefs his mom made him take to the farm, even though Jack had told her numerous amounts of times that farmers just don't wear briefs.
He started to panic. What was he supposed to do, run around without support down below? That was like a busty woman running around with no bra! His eyes darted around frantically. Then, Jack eyed his pillowcase. That would work! He grabbed the pillowcase and tore two leg-sized holes in the closed end. He stuck his legs in the holes, and pulled the pillowcase up enough to support him. He tied a knot on the open end so that it would fit his waist, and then threw his clothes on quickly before anyone could see that he was wearing a pillowcase.
After Jack took care of his little undies problem, he noticed that Koro was nowhere to be seen. He looked around, thinking that there might be a female dog around that Koro got jiggy with the night before.
Sure enough, Jack found his dog outside in the horse stable, with the "I- Just-Got-Laid" expression written all over his smug little face. Jack looked around for the little bitch (literally), and saw...Vicky the Harvest Sprite? She was smoking a cigarette and petting Koro's head gently.
"Hey, Farmer-man!" she said. "Bob took Eve, so Vicky had find other source of fun after Farmer-man."
She laughed at Jack's puzzled expression. "Farmer-man too stoned to remember gettin' jiggy with Vicky. It much fun. Vicky seen many things bigger than self, but never THAT thing!" Jack's eyes widened, and he backed away. Vicky's expression softened.
"It good thing, Farmer-man," she said comfortingly. "You much better lay than dog!" Jack smiled nervously, and ran up to the mountains for some alone time.
Jack ran up to the cliff, dozing in the soft morning sunshine. Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him. All of the women in the village, including Ellen and Nina, were standing behind him.
"Last night was great!" they all said simultaneously. Suddenly, all of them pounced on Jack and started making passionate love to him. Then the Harvest Goddess came to the cliff, knocked all of the other girls out of the way, and took Jack for herself. It was, Jack thought, divine. The Goddess was screaming his name above him.
"Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!" The voice slowly became less heavenly and dreamlike, and turned to a normal voice. He opened his eyes. Ann was standing above him, shaking his shoulders worriedly. "Jack, are you alright?"
Jack nodded, clearing his head from the marvelous dream he had been having. "You must've been having a horrible nightmare," Ann said. "You were moaning and screaming a lot. It was somewhat like last night."
She winked, and Jack blushed. He glanced downward, embarrassed, and noticed a HUGE wet spot on his overalls. He got up hastily and turned away from Ann, looking for something to cover himself with. Luckily, a large leaf was nearby, and he grabbed it and held it over his crotch. He waved bye to Ann, and ran down the mountain. She had a bewildered look on her face. Jack hated to leave her there like that, but he had to confess to the Goddess. This was definitely a sin.
He cascaded down the mountainside, sprinting into town. This was horrible! How could he fantasize about the Goddess? He turned the corner into the church, and ran right into Maria.
"Hey there, baby," she said seductively, running her hands along his neck. "Last night was great." She pushed him into the nearest pew and they started gettin' jiggy. Once again, the Goddess appeared, but this time she possessed Maria and put both of their powers to work. "Jack! Jack! Jack!" they screamed.
Then, the voice fused into one. "Jack! Wake up!" His vision cleared. Maria was bent over him, holding a damp washcloth on his forehead. "Are you alright?"
Jack nodded. "After you ran into me, you passed out! You seemed to be moaning uncontrollably." Jack put a hand to his head, and the other hand found his large leaf and placed it over his extremely damp overalls. He smiled at Maria, and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. At least that would make her a little happier than Ann was when he ran off suddenly. She blushed, and put a hand over her cheek, smiling.
"Jack!" she scolded. "Not in church! You'd better go confess to the Goddess now." Jack smiled. "Good idea," he said. Now he had an excuse.
He ran up to the Goddess statue eagerly. Unseen by Jack, Maria held her hand on the kissed cheek, sighing happily. He was so pious! Too good to be true. He was so sweet, and was obviously not just a horny pervert after her body. He'd had that, and she'd give him more if he asked. Hell, she'd ask the Goddess to knock him up if it would make him happy.
Jack knelt down and started to pray. 'Forgive me, Goddess, for I have sinned.'
The Goddess sighed. 'You again? What is it this time? Did you say a bad word? Did you think of a girl? By the look of your pants, you're confessing the latter.'
Jack blushed. 'Goddess...I have this medical condition. If I get laid, then I have uncontrollable, erotic wet dreams for twenty-four hours.'
The Goddess laughed. 'And your point is'
Jack sighed. 'I dreamt about you, Goddess. There wasn't anything I could do to stop it! You just appeared in my dreams, and started making passionate love to me.' He flinched, awaiting the Goddess's anger. She was silent for a moment.
'Really? Me? Want to get together at six tonight?'
Jack opened his eyes and fell backward, startled. Why did all the girls want to get him laid lately? That would just aggravate his condition! But how could he turn down the Goddess herself? Would that be more of a sin than sleeping with her? He decided that it would be. She didn't sound angry. 'Sure, why not?'
The Goddess giggled. 'All right then! The only problem is that I'm immortal, so I'll have to come to you in your dreams. Is that all right?' Jack shrugged, indifferent.
'See you tonight then, hottie!' Jack stood up to the sound of the Goddess's giggling. Maria beamed at him as he walked past her. "Jack?" she questioned shyly. He lifted his eyebrows in acknowledgement. "Do you think I could meet with you tonight? You know, at my place? I'll give you the house key."
Jack thought. Well, he'd already done it once, so why not do it again? He nodded, smiling. Maria clapped her hands and smiled brightly. "I'll see you tonight, then!" she said. She hummed as he walked out.
There wasn't anything wrong with sleeping with Maria, was there? The Goddess had said she would come in his dreams, so Maria would probably just think that he was reenacting their little meeting. He smiled evilly. Deep in the recesses of his mind, a small voice also known as his conscience was sighing. This medical condition made him such a horny perv! Goddess, may he get over it soon. It could be weeks before Jack stopped getting laid every night.
Jack's id slapped his conscience across the face. "What the fuck's your problem?" asked the id. "If Jack's gettin' laid, then we are, too! You'd better not ruin my chances, you son of a bitch!" The conscience ran away, crying. The id smiled smugly, and turned away, aggravating Jack's condition so he could get some more tonight.
Jack walked off to the tool shop, whistling. Ann was outside, and it seemed like she was waiting for him. "Hey," she said, blushing slightly. Jack nodded to her.
Unfortunately, he tripped on a stone that was jutting out from the pathway, and he fell flat on his face. He got up quickly, and brushed himself off. Ann didn't seem to notice. He glanced around a bit, seeing if anyone was around. Then, he grabbed Ann in his arms and started making out with her in front of the tools shop.
The Harvest Goddess appeared. "He's mine, bitch!" she screamed at Ann. The Goddess pushed her out of the way and started making passionate love to Jack. "Jack! Jack! Jack!" she cried incessantly. Her voice began to sound like Ann's.
"Jack! Wake up! You're having a horrible nightmare!" Jack stood up slowly, holding his aching head.
"Your dream must've been horrible, Jack!" said Ann. "You peed your pants and everything! That's one big wet spot!" Jack blushed and covered as much as he could of the spot with his giant leaf. He didn't plan on telling Ann what the wet stuff really was. "Poor Jack," said Ann sadly. "How about you come to my place tonight, and I'll kiss your boo-boos and make them all better?"
Jack nodded slyly. Three in one night! Awesome! He left Ann with a small kiss on the cheek, and walked off to the bar just as the sun was setting.
The bar was packed with the usual crowd of people (and Jack knew who they were even though this was only his third day in town). "Hey there, honey," said Eve, winking at him. "Want some action?"
"Not from you," said Jack. Eve's mouth formed an O of surprise. As what Jack had said settled in, her eyes narrowed and she growled slightly. "WHAT?!?" she screamed. "What do you mean, not from me? Like any other girl on this fuckin' town would give you any!"
Eve laughed cruelly. "I'd like to see one girl that would do you."
Suddenly, the door burst open. "I would do that sexy bitch!" cried a voice. A girl with short, purplish-black hair was standing in the doorway. She was wearing jeans and a shirt that read, "I love Devon!"
"Who the fuck are you?" demanded Eve. "You don't remember me, Sister?" asked the strange girl. The entire bar gasped. "It is I, Setsuna!"
Eve raised an eyebrow. "Do I know you?"
Setsuna stood with her arms akimbo. "Of course you do!" she said. "We were both rejected from the same nunnery in Transylvania!" Eve thought for a moment. "Oh yeah! I remember you!" she exclaimed. "You were the one that got kicked out for screwing around with all the monks in the nearby monastery, right?"
Setsuna nodded proudly. "That would be me!" she said. "Well, you would do anybody, so its no surprise that you'd do Jack," said Eve.
Setsuna flared up with anger. "At least I don't have AIDS!" she screamed viciously. Everyone in the village, even those who were sleeping, heard this outburst. They all screamed in horror. Eve flushed.
"How could you tell my secret, you bitch?" She jumped on the newcomer, and a large catfight ensued on the floor. Setsuna emerged victorious after she plunged a dildo through Eve's heart. The people in the bar cheered happily. "Did she really have AIDS?" asked the drunk nervously.
Setsuna laughed evilly. "Of course not!" she said. "It was all just a prank I played on her in the nunnery. That little hoe was stealing all my business! I had to do it! But evidently it didn't stop her for a minute." The bar inhabitants cheered again, until they realized that Setsuna had just killed their bedmate. They turned into an angry mob, and started throwing vegetables at her.
"Come on!" Setsuna shouted to Jack. "Let's go in the back room and do what I came here to do!" She pulled him into Eve's room, and commenced in their business. Setsuna said that just because he was so cool, Jack could have this one on the house. "But next time," she said, "you'll have to pay. I may just be a two dollar hoe, but I still charge by the minute!"
After their little engagement, Jack left the satisfied Setsuna to go visit Ann and Maria. They had hours of fun, which began and ended at six. When Jack got home that night, he was visited by the Harvest Goddess in his dreams, just as she'd promised. The next day, when Jack tried to get out of bed, he was so sexually exhausted that he couldn't move. He ended up staying in bed all day, as a certain swollen, over-used something weighed him down to his bed.
All of the mountainfolk were draped across his table, with the remnants of joints in their hands. Bob was asleep on one of Eve's breasts, and the other Sprites were nowhere to be found. Jack could see that many of the villagers "got some" the night before: The bartender and the florist, the shipper and the little redhead girl (illegally), and the little blonde boy and himself.
He decided to dress Ann, Maria, and himself before their parents woke up. They could and would beat the crap out of him, hangover or no. He searched around for his boxers. They were gone!
'Ah well,' he thought, and decided to dress his two bedmates and put them somewhere else. There was a slight bulge in one of Maria's dress pockets, but Jack didn't really think anything of it. He dressed the girls and laid them gently on the floor across the room. He searched around a little more for his boxers, but to no avail. They had just disappeared! He looked in his dresser for more pairs. They were all gone! All of his underwear was gone! There wasn't even that pair of briefs his mom made him take to the farm, even though Jack had told her numerous amounts of times that farmers just don't wear briefs.
He started to panic. What was he supposed to do, run around without support down below? That was like a busty woman running around with no bra! His eyes darted around frantically. Then, Jack eyed his pillowcase. That would work! He grabbed the pillowcase and tore two leg-sized holes in the closed end. He stuck his legs in the holes, and pulled the pillowcase up enough to support him. He tied a knot on the open end so that it would fit his waist, and then threw his clothes on quickly before anyone could see that he was wearing a pillowcase.
After Jack took care of his little undies problem, he noticed that Koro was nowhere to be seen. He looked around, thinking that there might be a female dog around that Koro got jiggy with the night before.
Sure enough, Jack found his dog outside in the horse stable, with the "I- Just-Got-Laid" expression written all over his smug little face. Jack looked around for the little bitch (literally), and saw...Vicky the Harvest Sprite? She was smoking a cigarette and petting Koro's head gently.
"Hey, Farmer-man!" she said. "Bob took Eve, so Vicky had find other source of fun after Farmer-man."
She laughed at Jack's puzzled expression. "Farmer-man too stoned to remember gettin' jiggy with Vicky. It much fun. Vicky seen many things bigger than self, but never THAT thing!" Jack's eyes widened, and he backed away. Vicky's expression softened.
"It good thing, Farmer-man," she said comfortingly. "You much better lay than dog!" Jack smiled nervously, and ran up to the mountains for some alone time.
Jack ran up to the cliff, dozing in the soft morning sunshine. Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him. All of the women in the village, including Ellen and Nina, were standing behind him.
"Last night was great!" they all said simultaneously. Suddenly, all of them pounced on Jack and started making passionate love to him. Then the Harvest Goddess came to the cliff, knocked all of the other girls out of the way, and took Jack for herself. It was, Jack thought, divine. The Goddess was screaming his name above him.
"Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!" The voice slowly became less heavenly and dreamlike, and turned to a normal voice. He opened his eyes. Ann was standing above him, shaking his shoulders worriedly. "Jack, are you alright?"
Jack nodded, clearing his head from the marvelous dream he had been having. "You must've been having a horrible nightmare," Ann said. "You were moaning and screaming a lot. It was somewhat like last night."
She winked, and Jack blushed. He glanced downward, embarrassed, and noticed a HUGE wet spot on his overalls. He got up hastily and turned away from Ann, looking for something to cover himself with. Luckily, a large leaf was nearby, and he grabbed it and held it over his crotch. He waved bye to Ann, and ran down the mountain. She had a bewildered look on her face. Jack hated to leave her there like that, but he had to confess to the Goddess. This was definitely a sin.
He cascaded down the mountainside, sprinting into town. This was horrible! How could he fantasize about the Goddess? He turned the corner into the church, and ran right into Maria.
"Hey there, baby," she said seductively, running her hands along his neck. "Last night was great." She pushed him into the nearest pew and they started gettin' jiggy. Once again, the Goddess appeared, but this time she possessed Maria and put both of their powers to work. "Jack! Jack! Jack!" they screamed.
Then, the voice fused into one. "Jack! Wake up!" His vision cleared. Maria was bent over him, holding a damp washcloth on his forehead. "Are you alright?"
Jack nodded. "After you ran into me, you passed out! You seemed to be moaning uncontrollably." Jack put a hand to his head, and the other hand found his large leaf and placed it over his extremely damp overalls. He smiled at Maria, and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. At least that would make her a little happier than Ann was when he ran off suddenly. She blushed, and put a hand over her cheek, smiling.
"Jack!" she scolded. "Not in church! You'd better go confess to the Goddess now." Jack smiled. "Good idea," he said. Now he had an excuse.
He ran up to the Goddess statue eagerly. Unseen by Jack, Maria held her hand on the kissed cheek, sighing happily. He was so pious! Too good to be true. He was so sweet, and was obviously not just a horny pervert after her body. He'd had that, and she'd give him more if he asked. Hell, she'd ask the Goddess to knock him up if it would make him happy.
Jack knelt down and started to pray. 'Forgive me, Goddess, for I have sinned.'
The Goddess sighed. 'You again? What is it this time? Did you say a bad word? Did you think of a girl? By the look of your pants, you're confessing the latter.'
Jack blushed. 'Goddess...I have this medical condition. If I get laid, then I have uncontrollable, erotic wet dreams for twenty-four hours.'
The Goddess laughed. 'And your point is'
Jack sighed. 'I dreamt about you, Goddess. There wasn't anything I could do to stop it! You just appeared in my dreams, and started making passionate love to me.' He flinched, awaiting the Goddess's anger. She was silent for a moment.
'Really? Me? Want to get together at six tonight?'
Jack opened his eyes and fell backward, startled. Why did all the girls want to get him laid lately? That would just aggravate his condition! But how could he turn down the Goddess herself? Would that be more of a sin than sleeping with her? He decided that it would be. She didn't sound angry. 'Sure, why not?'
The Goddess giggled. 'All right then! The only problem is that I'm immortal, so I'll have to come to you in your dreams. Is that all right?' Jack shrugged, indifferent.
'See you tonight then, hottie!' Jack stood up to the sound of the Goddess's giggling. Maria beamed at him as he walked past her. "Jack?" she questioned shyly. He lifted his eyebrows in acknowledgement. "Do you think I could meet with you tonight? You know, at my place? I'll give you the house key."
Jack thought. Well, he'd already done it once, so why not do it again? He nodded, smiling. Maria clapped her hands and smiled brightly. "I'll see you tonight, then!" she said. She hummed as he walked out.
There wasn't anything wrong with sleeping with Maria, was there? The Goddess had said she would come in his dreams, so Maria would probably just think that he was reenacting their little meeting. He smiled evilly. Deep in the recesses of his mind, a small voice also known as his conscience was sighing. This medical condition made him such a horny perv! Goddess, may he get over it soon. It could be weeks before Jack stopped getting laid every night.
Jack's id slapped his conscience across the face. "What the fuck's your problem?" asked the id. "If Jack's gettin' laid, then we are, too! You'd better not ruin my chances, you son of a bitch!" The conscience ran away, crying. The id smiled smugly, and turned away, aggravating Jack's condition so he could get some more tonight.
Jack walked off to the tool shop, whistling. Ann was outside, and it seemed like she was waiting for him. "Hey," she said, blushing slightly. Jack nodded to her.
Unfortunately, he tripped on a stone that was jutting out from the pathway, and he fell flat on his face. He got up quickly, and brushed himself off. Ann didn't seem to notice. He glanced around a bit, seeing if anyone was around. Then, he grabbed Ann in his arms and started making out with her in front of the tools shop.
The Harvest Goddess appeared. "He's mine, bitch!" she screamed at Ann. The Goddess pushed her out of the way and started making passionate love to Jack. "Jack! Jack! Jack!" she cried incessantly. Her voice began to sound like Ann's.
"Jack! Wake up! You're having a horrible nightmare!" Jack stood up slowly, holding his aching head.
"Your dream must've been horrible, Jack!" said Ann. "You peed your pants and everything! That's one big wet spot!" Jack blushed and covered as much as he could of the spot with his giant leaf. He didn't plan on telling Ann what the wet stuff really was. "Poor Jack," said Ann sadly. "How about you come to my place tonight, and I'll kiss your boo-boos and make them all better?"
Jack nodded slyly. Three in one night! Awesome! He left Ann with a small kiss on the cheek, and walked off to the bar just as the sun was setting.
The bar was packed with the usual crowd of people (and Jack knew who they were even though this was only his third day in town). "Hey there, honey," said Eve, winking at him. "Want some action?"
"Not from you," said Jack. Eve's mouth formed an O of surprise. As what Jack had said settled in, her eyes narrowed and she growled slightly. "WHAT?!?" she screamed. "What do you mean, not from me? Like any other girl on this fuckin' town would give you any!"
Eve laughed cruelly. "I'd like to see one girl that would do you."
Suddenly, the door burst open. "I would do that sexy bitch!" cried a voice. A girl with short, purplish-black hair was standing in the doorway. She was wearing jeans and a shirt that read, "I love Devon!"
"Who the fuck are you?" demanded Eve. "You don't remember me, Sister?" asked the strange girl. The entire bar gasped. "It is I, Setsuna!"
Eve raised an eyebrow. "Do I know you?"
Setsuna stood with her arms akimbo. "Of course you do!" she said. "We were both rejected from the same nunnery in Transylvania!" Eve thought for a moment. "Oh yeah! I remember you!" she exclaimed. "You were the one that got kicked out for screwing around with all the monks in the nearby monastery, right?"
Setsuna nodded proudly. "That would be me!" she said. "Well, you would do anybody, so its no surprise that you'd do Jack," said Eve.
Setsuna flared up with anger. "At least I don't have AIDS!" she screamed viciously. Everyone in the village, even those who were sleeping, heard this outburst. They all screamed in horror. Eve flushed.
"How could you tell my secret, you bitch?" She jumped on the newcomer, and a large catfight ensued on the floor. Setsuna emerged victorious after she plunged a dildo through Eve's heart. The people in the bar cheered happily. "Did she really have AIDS?" asked the drunk nervously.
Setsuna laughed evilly. "Of course not!" she said. "It was all just a prank I played on her in the nunnery. That little hoe was stealing all my business! I had to do it! But evidently it didn't stop her for a minute." The bar inhabitants cheered again, until they realized that Setsuna had just killed their bedmate. They turned into an angry mob, and started throwing vegetables at her.
"Come on!" Setsuna shouted to Jack. "Let's go in the back room and do what I came here to do!" She pulled him into Eve's room, and commenced in their business. Setsuna said that just because he was so cool, Jack could have this one on the house. "But next time," she said, "you'll have to pay. I may just be a two dollar hoe, but I still charge by the minute!"
After their little engagement, Jack left the satisfied Setsuna to go visit Ann and Maria. They had hours of fun, which began and ended at six. When Jack got home that night, he was visited by the Harvest Goddess in his dreams, just as she'd promised. The next day, when Jack tried to get out of bed, he was so sexually exhausted that he couldn't move. He ended up staying in bed all day, as a certain swollen, over-used something weighed him down to his bed.