Title: I Loved You, so What?
Author: Saran
Disclaimer: Copyrights for the movie Pirates of the Caribbean belong to Disney.
Author's Notes: Jack is a terribly complex character to write. Kudos to any author who can master his character. First fic I have wrote in about three years, so be nice. Actually, be constructive, I don't mind criticism.
Song used: School Night by Ani Difranco (I recommend listening to it before reading. It will add so much more to the mood, if you have never heard the song before)
Paring: Jack and Will
Rating: R
His ship was the only thing he would ever truly love, or so he kept telling himself.
Jack ran his hand across the curved wood of the Black Pearl's wheel. Numerous rings and bracelets clanked against the wood, as he watched his dirt clad hand learn every detail of the wheel. It had taken years of work to smooth out the wood on it. Not in any conventional sense, mind. Pirates do not have time for such trivial things as sanding wood, when they are on a constant suicide mission. Every inch of this freedom had been earned. Freedom- being the ship, and earned- being more attempts at acquiring it than he cared to drink to. Maybe that was a lie, if it was the right kind of drink, with the right kind of lass on his knee, he would tell his tales until his throat was dry.
Which reminded him that he was not drunk enough, yet, and took an inhuman amount of rum into his mouth at once. His stomach growled in protest, which he could not figure out why. Was it not perfectly ordinary to drink rum every night for a week? He was thankful that at least he was sloshed enough not to answer his own question.
The truth he decided is that, in fact, he did not miss him, and he was drinking for no reason at all. He is a pirate, and drinking is what pirates do.
Jack Sparrow started to swagger away from the wheel of the ship. He was sure that it was the Black Pearl making him rock back and forth more than usual, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol. Walking not more than a few steps, he tripped over his own boots that had seen more than their fair share of the ground.
The Captain made a noise that sounded like a mix of a seagull cawing, and a bull snorting. Finding his current situation somewhat of a nuisance, if slightly hilarious, he made an attempt to sit up. Blackness leapt up before his eyes, with a likeness to the swarms of locusts he had seen near a village when he was lying low after being accused of posing as a member of the English clergy. Nasty business, that. He fell back down, and his face was bombarded with any number of beads, and dreads. A low thunk told him that the bone in his hair had collided with his head, but since he didn't feel it, it mustn't have hit him hard. His head swam with dizziness, and the bugs were just starting to clear away.
It took him a minute to remember that there were no bugs, and in fact, they were only a memory. He had forsaken memories tonight, though. He would have no part of that. Bittersweet, and terrible, he thought. And before he could help himself, the memories all came flooding into his mind, just as the discombobulate break in his emotions hit him.
She went over to his apartment,
Clutching her decision,
And he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
So she built a skyscraper of procrastination
And then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window of her reply,
And she felt like an actress,
Just reading her lines,
When she finally said
Yes. it's really goodbye this time,
And far below was the blacktop
And the tiny toy cars,
And it all fell so fast,
And it all fell so far,
Will was by his side, as they surveyed the surrounding water for any sign of the terribly elusive Black Pearl. That ship had been out of his reach for too long, and he intended to claim it, and if that coincided with a promise to look after William Turner's boy then that was fine with him.
Jack glanced sideways at Will, and smiled, showing as many white teeth as gold ones. There was something unmistakable about the boy. Naivety. The kid was the splitting image of his father, except for the innocent, determination that permanently marred his face.
"What is so amusing, pirate?" Will spat the words at him, making every word seem a swear, not that he minded. The contrast of anger with his innocent face was quite ridiculous.
With a look of mock indignation, he leaned towards him slightly and innocently stated "I haven't the slightest idea what you mean, mate." Jack lifted his arm in an attempted shrug.
"You listen here, I don't want any of your tomfoolery. We are going to save Ms. Swan, and I will not have you grinning like a buccaneer."
"My apologies," Jack left just a hint of sarcasm in his voice, and didn't bother hiding any from his eyes. His eyes squinted as he talked, and he cocked his head slightly, "And I solemnly swear that there will be no tomfoolery while we are on this ship together." His words had picked up speed as they left his mouth, and by the end he had to stop himself from taking a deep breath. His hand lifted as he was talking, as with a life of its own, as it often did, and his fingers stretched, as if yawning, and then curled into a loose fist.
Will just stared at him, mouth hanging slightly.
And she said:
You are a miracle but that is not all
You are also a stiff drink and I am on call,
You are a party and I am a school night,
And I'm looking for my door key
But you are my porch light,
And you'll never know, dear
Just how much I loved you,
You'll probably think this was
Just my big excuse,
But I stand committed
To a love that came before you
And the fact that I adore you,
Is but one of my truths,
Jack Sparrow met the memory head on, with a swig of rum. In the bottle, large bubbles shot up towards the bottom of the upturned bottle. Once again, his stomach protested, and once again, Sparrow ignored it.
Jack loved the night. The night far surpassed the day, in every aspect. Pilfering was far easier, and women seemed far looser at night. Despite himself, he barked a noise that could have passed for a laugh. It was not a laugh.
Will.
The stars enclosed around him, devouring his view. Slight tendrils of smokey clouds drifted closer to the ocean than the heavens. Somewhere in his head he thought about fog in the morning.
Sparrow felt a slight pounding start in the back of his head. His hand attempted to find his temple, but with several failed attempts to cup his head, one poking him in the eye, and with the other try, his hand kept moving right past his head, he dragged himself towards the side of his ship.
He felt his once white shirt becoming more soiled, and getting considerably more tattered as he half crawled and half slithered towards the edge of the Black Pearl. His hair dragged, and sometimes became snagged on splintered pieces of the deck, but Jack was not bothered. His hair had collected its fair share of alien objects, and a couple more would not make matters worse.
Finding his destination, he reached up, and with considerable satisfaction, pulled himself into a sitting position.
Will.
His drunken smile faded, and he felt a surge of fire raise up into his throat.
"Stewped bystard," Jack waved his finger into the crisp night sky, brandishing his rum bottle violently, having no idea that his words were slurred beyond comprehension of the normal human ear. He looked defiantly towards the heavens, daring the stars to laugh at him.
The fire in his throat became an explosion of anger. His body moved without thought involved, and he let out a wordless cry as he brought his arm, still desperately grasping the three-quarters empty bottle, down hard onto the worn, wooden deck.
What of the mother
Whose house is in flames,
And both of her children
Are in their beds crying,
And she loves them both
With the whole of her heart
But she knows she can only
Carry one at a time?
She's choking on the smoke
Of unthinkable choices,
She is haunted by the voices
Of so many desires,
She's bent over from the business
Of begging forgiveness,
While frantically running around
Putting out fires,
Jack wrapped his sun-kissed arms around the younger man from behind. The Captain felt a tinge of satisfaction as Will's breath caught. He smiled his usual, slightly crooked smile, and stood for a moment, swaying in sync with the ocean and Will.
Sparrow made sure that his face was nuzzled close enough to Will's ear that the man could feel his breath on it. Small noises escaped the younger man's mouth, despite, Jack imagined, protests from his brain. He brought his lips down onto Will's neck, and kissed it softly, once, and waited for the inevitable protest. And it never came. Taking that as a pleasant sign, he began to harden the kisses on Will's neck. Occasionally stopping to suck, or bite.
A small groan parted the light brown haired man's lips. Jack's lip's started to migrate toward Will's ear. Both men breathing heavily, his tongue flicked behind the ear, and he felt the body in front of him squirm, and shudder slightly.
Jack's grip around the body was a little tight, he just realized, so he slackened the hold slightly. He was a bit startled, and more than a bit delighted when the body whirled around to meet Jack's mouth as he was about to lavish the ear with attention. Holding back a grin, the Captain's mouth quickly became in sync with the younger man's mouth. Jack lifted his hand, usually quite clumsily, but at the moment, gracefully, and smoothly towards Will's face, and cupped it. Jack opened his mouth wider, in an attempt to deepen the kiss, and felt his companion's tongue tentatively creep into his mouth.
The pirate's jewelry-clad hand left its resting place on Will's face, and roughly slide around to the back of his neck, and pressed hard, as if seeking to press Will into his body.
With abruptness, Will broke off the kiss, panting. His brow was furrowed, and his lips were slightly parted. Jack cocked his head, and pretended to study his face, in the most careless of fashions.
A silent panic shot through him. It was an unusual feeling. One he had not felt before. His previous sexual encounters had all been in jest, and were always like a game, or a riddle that he enjoyed solving. But this... This was different, and he could feel it.
"Why are you doing this?" Jack heard Will whisper.
Good question, he thought before he could stop himself.
All in good fun, savvy? That was what he wanted to say, and grin his best grin. But he could not even manipulate himself tonight. The seconds dragged on and Will's eyes bore deep into Jack.
Jack did the only thing he could do. He kissed Will, sending them both flying onto the pirate's bed.
But then what kind of scale
Compares the weight of two beauties,
The gravity of duties,
Or the ground speed of joy?
Tell me what kind of gauge
Can quantify elation?
What kind of equation
Could I possibly employ?
And you'll never know, dear
Just how much I loved you,
You probably think this was
Just my big excuse,
But I stand committed
To a love that came before you,
And the fact that I adore you
Is just one of my truths,
The anger had subsided slightly, and he felt his head fall back, limply onto the side of his ship. Jack's face screwed up in thoughts of anything but Will. The intensity of thinking of everything at once was met pain for pain with his growing headache. Instinctively, his layered-in-dirt hand shot up towards his equally dirty face, finding his temple in a triumphant first try, that was not celebrated.
Black, sticky, liquid ran down his hand and onto his face. At first glance it looked just like muck, or who knows what, but with his blurred vision he just was not sure.
A swirl of white cloud encompassed the Black Pearl, and was gone as quickly as it was upon it. The moon shone proudly once again.
The initial silvery light of the moon touched his hand, and Jack realized it was, with little shock or care, blood. He made to turn to look at the smashed bottle, and felt his head fall, lollying in the general area of the glass next to his tattered clothed body.
He mumbled something drunkenly that didn't even make sense to his ears, and felt his eyes close.
Will.
So I'm going home
To please the one I so love pleasing,
And I don't expect
He'll have much sympathy for my grieving,
But I guess that this is the price
That we pay for the privilege
Of living for even a day
In a world with so many things
Worth believing in,
The sun beat down above them, and the three bodies felt none of it. Below deck, in the musky smelling jail, Jack waved away Elizabeth's and Will's concern for himself.
"Believe me, love. If I had a lass for every time I was supposed to be hung, I could open up my own brothel, savvy?" He surveyed them from behind bars, and swayed, and bobbed as usual as he talked to them. It was always easier to comfort someone else, than to be comforted, he decided. It made things quite a lot easier.
Elizabeth looked at him with quite a lot of worry. "Oh, but Mr. Sparrow, I mustn't let this happen. All of this is my fault, and I guess I feel-"
"Most terribly, and defiantly that it is your fault that you have caused me most certain death?" His arms waved dramatically, and he leaned towards her. "Lass, don't you think that I have gotten out of worse things than this?" He waved a finger towards her, and grinned a smile specked with gold.
"I-I..." With a look of security, and comfort that Jack could not quite match today, she continued, "I suppose you are correct."
"Now there's the spirit. Of course I am correct," He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."
"Jack.." It was the first time Will had spoken for the entirety of the conversation, and the first time Jack had looked at him during it, too.
Jack turned on one heel to Will to some degree more quickly than he intended to. "Yes, mate?" He met this lover's eyes as best as he could.
Somewhat taken aback by Jack's attempted enthusiastic approach, Will mumbled something under his breath that sounded like a goodbye. Will's eyes dropped to his feet, and so did Jack's heart.
Masking any sort of unpleasant emotion he was feeling was more difficult than previously thought. Seeing Will in front of him was like having his heart pumped with pure bliss through one artery, and through the other one, he was bleeding to death.
His heart pumped loudly in his chest. And all he could think was: I love you.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
Jack, now on his side, unable to move, which he was sure had nothing to do with the rum, just laid still.
He felt numb, and was sick of it.
Being without Will was like having the Black Pearl taken from him, again.
No, he thought to himself, with as much ferociousness as he could muster. The Black Pearl was everything. It was freedom, and that was all he needed.
And you'll never know, dear
Just how much I loved you,
You'll probably think this was
Just my big excuse,
But I stand committed
To a love that came before you,
And the fact that I adore you
Is but one of my truths.
Jack watched his ship sway gently on the water. For the first time he could remember, he was afraid.