Back To Basics

Sometimes Wanna Die

Don't worry bout one thing
Don't worry bout nothing
She said I'm not gonna let this one go
Nobody's on my side
Nobody seems to see
How much, how deep, how far these things can be

The blood on his hands said it all as Kevin started down at the body before him. The blonde hair tangled around her ghostly white features caused his breath to catch in his throat in horror as he stared down at the crimson shade upon his hands. Her hair was mixed with the deep, rich blood and suddenly as he sank to his knees he wondered how something like this could happen.

Looking around the room, Kevin heard a whimpering sound, something low and guttural but almost terrified as if it was the sound of a child so very lost and afraid, frightened by the recent turn of events. The only problem was that Kevin Collins couldn't remember how he'd gotten here or why he was beside this lifeless body at his side. He reached forward searching for a pulse when a crashing sound thundered through the room and he looked up to find the SWAT team closing in on him and he closed his eyes unsure of what was happening in his world as darkness engulfed him.

My eyes are dry and, I
My eyes are dry and
I,I still don't even know you
I, I still wish that I could hold you
I, I sometimes wanna die

Lucy Coe heard the ringing through the darkness as she opened her eyes gasping at the sound. Something wasn't right. The universe seemed out of place, she thought to herself as she rolled over to find Ian sleeping soundly beside her. Reaching out to him, she made sure that she wasn't imagining it as the ringing continued.

"Lucy," Ian murmured his name in his slumber. He seemed so tired, so very lost in whatever dream he was having as she crawled out of bed and made her way towards the phone. She looked over her shoulder at Ian as she reached for the phone, "hello."

"Lucy," Mac's voice spoke solemnly as she noted the time.

"Mac, it's nearly three in the morning. What can I do for you," she questioned behind a yawn as she watched Ian turn a bit beneath the blankets.

"Lucy, I don't mean to bother you, but there's been a situation."

"What kind of situation, Mac," she questioned in concern, "don't tell me something is wrong with Scott or the girls…"

"It's not the girls," he paused, the weight of the silence sending a chill over Lucy before he continued, "Lucy, Elizabeth Barrington was murdered tonight."

"What?" she gasped in response, "no, that can't be. How? What happened? How could this be?"

"Lucy, there's something you need to know," Mac hesitated once again.

"Mac, what is it?"

"We found her at Kevin's place," Mac finally blurted out, "someone called leaving a tip that there was some kind of fighting going on at the lighthouse and when we arrived we found her on the living room floor and Kevin was, well he's shaken and he's not talking…"

"Doc," Lucy gasped in horror, "are you saying that he…"

"He hasn't been himself for a long time Lucy," Mac reminded her, "and we both knew it was a matter of time before…"

"No, he wouldn't do that," Lucy shook her head feeling doubt swimming deep inside of her, "Doc, wouldn't murder Elizabeth."

"Lucy, I'm not saying that…it's just…her blood was all over him," Mac confessed the tension rising in his tone, "look I don't know how this is going to turn out, but considering Kevin's mental state, he's at the hospital under suicide watch."

"Suicide watch," Lucy frowned deeply, "that's not like Doc at all."

"Lucy, I can't reach him," Mac sighed heavily, "no one can and at this point, well considering you're still his wife…"

"I'll be over there shortly," Lucy decided needing to see Kevin again.

"I was hoping you'd say that," Mac confessed, "I'll see you here."

"Alright," Lucy hung up the phone as she turned around to find Ian sitting up in the middle of the bed rubbing his head.

"What's wrong?" he questioned his voice full of concern.

"It's Doc," Lucy explained simply, "there's been an accident of sorts."

"What kind of accident?" Ian frowned deeply.

"Elizabeth has been murdered and they think that Kevin," she couldn't finish the sentence, "I have to get over to the hospital. I need to see him."

"Lucy, you can't just go over there," Ian began to argue with her.

"Doc needs me," Lucy explained making her way over to her closet as she swiftly began to pull together something to wear, "I need to see him."

"Lucy, if he was the one that…" Ian began following her over towards the closet.

"Doc wouldn't do that," Lucy stepped out of the closet nearly knocking him over, "he just couldn't do that."

"After all that's happened this past year, how can you be so sure?" Ian questioned his voice smooth and even as he saw the pain behind her eyes, "Lucy…"

"Ian don't try to stop me from going. I have to see Doc," she began again.

"Fine, but I'm going with you," Ian decided.

"Ian, he's got security watching him…"

"It doesn't matter," Ian shook his head, "I'm still going with you and you can't change my mind."

"Fine," Lucy sighed as her thoughts lingered to Kevin as she wondered if the man she once loved could be capable of such evil. Her head was questioning it, but in her heart, she wanted to believe that Kevin wasn't capable of murder.

And everywhere I go
And everyone I see
Somehow almost sets me free
And the space where we meet
Is different from the rest
And I just can't seem to forget that

Kevin stared off at the wall before him finding it to be the most intriguing thing in the room as his thoughts jumbled before him. He couldn't quite recall how he'd wound up in the living room over Elizabeth's body and the more he tried to find an explanation other than the painfully obvious one when he'd realized his hands were covered in her blood, the harder it was for him. Hearing the footsteps of someone entering the room, he closed his eyes trying to lock out the world surrounding him.

"Doc," Lucy's voice beckoned him as he opened his eyes finding her standing before him.

Almost afraid to speak for fear that his words would reveal the darkness threatening to take control inside of him, he looked away. He wanted to reach out to her, to have her save him from the nightmare he'd slipped into, but he'd said nothing as he tried to shut this moment out forever.

"Doc, I know you can hear me. Please Doc, just look at me," she began reaching out to him despite the warnings she'd been given at the door, "Doc."

"Go away," he spoke tightly as he kept his eyes closed, "you shouldn't be here."

"Doc, what happened? I don't understand," Lucy started once more tears threatening as she stepped in closer to him.

"Neither do I," he confessed with a heavy sigh.

"Doc, what really happened? What was going on with you and Elizabeth," she paused thinking of the bits and pieces of the story she'd been given on the way over, "were you two…"

"Were we what?" Kevin finally forced himself to look at her.

"Were you together?" she questioned her voice uneasy as she thought of him being in the arms of another woman.

"Together?" he repeated cryptically.

"Were you two…." she trailed off shifting on her feet uneasily.

"Sleeping together?" Kevin finished for her before offering a nod, "It only started recently."

"I see," Lucy paused trying to take in his admission to his relationship with Elizabeth as she reminded herself that it was no longer any of her business.

"Is that why you're here?" Kevin questioned breaking through her thoughts, "to see if I'm sleeping with Elizabeth or are you here to tell me you told me so when you'd said I needed help?"

"Doc, I don't believe you could've done this," Lucy admitted returning to the moment, "I don't think you're capable of murder."

"Even after what I did to you?" he challenged raising a curious brow, "Lucy, I damn near choked you and yet you're going to tell me that you don't believe I could've killed Elizabeth."

"That's exactly what I'm going to tell you," Lucy nodded in response, "Doc, you may be a lot of things, but a murderer you aren't."

"It depends on who you ask," Kevin turned away from her.

"Doc, Karen told me about the drugs," Lucy gauged herself for his reaction, "She told me that you've been using and…"

"She had no right to share that with you," Kevin snapped back at her, "that isn't any of your business anymore."

"Kevin, I'm your wife," Lucy blurted out angrily, "and if this is why…"

"Why what? Why I changed?" Kevin challenged raising an arched brow, "Why I wasn't the same Doc you fell in love with? Why I wasn't good enough for you to stay with?"

"Doc, how? How could this happen?" Lucy was at a loss as she looked to him.

"The how doesn't matter," he shook his head, "all that matters now and in this moment, I'm not sure of what I am anymore."

My eyes are dry and
I, I still don't even know you
I, I still wish that I could hold you
I, I sometimes wanna die
I sometimes wanna die
I sometimes wanna

Ian stood outside the door watching and waiting for Lucy to return to him. Seeing her at Kevin's side set him on edge as she moved in closer to him. He didn't trust Kevin, wouldn't trust him especially after he'd seen what had become of Elizabeth. Something wasn't right here and while he couldn't put his finger on it, the last place he wanted the woman he loved to be was at Kevin's side.

"Thornhart, what brings you here?" Chris questioned breaking through Ian's thoughts as Ian turned around to find Chris standing behind him.

"Lucy came here to see Kevin," Ian explained with a frown feeling a chill reach over him, "we heard about Elizabeth and Mac suggested she try to talk to him."

"It's a shame about Elizabeth," Chris shook his head in response, "I can't believe that she was murdered like that. I mean surely the woman had a thing for danger, but still, it just doesn't make sense."

"No it doesn't," Ian agreed giving Chris a look, "So what did you do to get stuck on the late shift?"

"Actually it's the perks of being me," Chris offered with a shrug of his shoulders, "the price to pay for being the best I suppose."

"Or being the one without all the social ties, right?" Ian questioned in a teasing tone.

"Contrary to the belief of everyone here at this hospital, I have a very active social life with a very special…" Chris's words were interrupted as his pager went off. Reaching for it, he noticed the number upon it as he looked up to Ian again, "I have to take this."

"Of course," Ian nodded turning to the door again as Chris gave him one last contemplative look before going to answer the call.

And you were at the start
And now you are the end
And you left me with nothing to defend
I need the voice of a good friend

Chris Ramsey approached the on call room taking a look around as he entered to find it empty. With a sigh of relief, he reached for the phone thinking of the night's turn of events with Elizabeth Barrington's murder. This was going to put a new level of complication upon what he'd been busy with lately, but now wasn't the time to worry about that. Reaching for the phone he dialed the number back that had called him and the familiar voice answered the phone.

"Where are you?"

"I got held up at work," Chris explained rubbing his shoulders, "there was a murder tonight."

"A murder?" the voice paused, "what happened?"

"It's a long story, but Kevin Collins is the prime suspect in the case," Chris frowned slightly.

"Kevin?" a pause followed, "Who was murdered?"

"No one you knew," Chris looked around the room again, "listen I'm just about to sign out here. Is there anything I can bring home for you?"

"Other than you safely?"

"That was the idea," Chris admitted with a soft smile, "I've been looking forward to spending time with you."

"Me too, but now that you say Kevin's involved in something like this…"

"We can't do anything about it," Chris reminded the voice on the other end of the line, "if Kevin's innocent, then it'll pan itself out over time."

"And if he's innocent and the Port Charles Police department can't see it?"

"I don't know," Chris ran his fingers through his hair, "can we talk about this when I get home?"

"Sure, but Chris, when you come back, can you bring some ice cream with you? I get the feeling tonight we're going to need it."

"Somehow I think that sounds like it might be a good idea," Chris decided after a pause, "and hey…"

"Yes?"

"For what it's worth I missed you too," Chris offered gently thinking about what was waiting back for him at the apartment. While he'd been ready to drop his own bombshell on Port Charles it was going to have to wait because Elizabeth Barrington's murder would raise questions he was certain he wasn't ready to get into especially with the secret he'd been hiding all this time.

Can't stop myself from laughing
No matter how sad these things can be
These things can be

"Look at me and tell me that you are a murderer," Lucy urged seeing the darkness behind his eyes. "Tell me that you killed Elizabeth…"

"I can't do that," Kevin sighed honestly, "because Lucy I don't know what happened. All I remember was seeing her on the floor before me and all the blood."

"Doc, please," Lucy reached for his hand, "just look at me."

Kevin turned his eyes towards her seeing her hand upon his as his gaze lifted to her once again. He could feel himself trembling as the weight of her eyes reached into him drawing out something he hadn't imagined he'd feel return to him again as she reached out to touch his cheek gently.

"I believe in my heart that you didn't do this," Lucy offered after a moment, "Doc, I know that you haven't been yourself lately, but a murderer you are not. I firmly believe that."

"How can you when I don't even know what happened?"

"Because I know your heart," Lucy sighed as she noticed the tears forming behind his dark eyes, "you're a good man Kevin Collins and you wouldn't do this."

"Lucy, we both know…" he started as she pressed her index finger over his lips to silence him.

"You're not thinking clearly right now," Lucy urged gently, "you've been through quite an ordeal and you're not sure of anything. Just take a night to think about this before you make any judgment upon yourself."

"Lucy…"

"Doc, I know you're your own worst enemy and if you believe for one second that you might've hurt Elizabeth in any way, then you'll punish yourself over and over again."

"If I hurt her, then I deserve nothing less than that," Kevin began poignantly.

"And if you didn't, you'll be torturing yourself for nothing. Doc, I know that we haven't been close lately, but I know your heart and I know that you couldn't have done this. You wouldn't have done this and I'm doing to prove that to you."

"Lucy, you're making a mistake," Kevin started thinking about the situation he'd found himself in.

"No, the mistake I made was in not seeing what was happening right before my eyes all this time," Lucy thought to the revelation about Kevin's drug problem, "had I known…"

"What would you have done? What could you have done?"

"The point is I know now and even with the drugs," Lucy paused choked up on emotion, "You are no murderer."

"Lucy……"

"Doc, don't argue this with me. I'm going to find a way to help you this time," Lucy insisted firmly, "and I'm not going to let you push me away so easily."

"Pushing you away was never easy," Kevin let out an ironic laugh, "as much as I tried, I never could quite get it right."

"And you won't this time either," Lucy promised as the guard knocked on the door alerting her that her time was up, "Doc, I have to go, but…."

"Lucy, I'll be fine," he sighed heavily.

"You aren't going to do this alone," she promised giving his hand one last squeeze as the guard opened the door.

"Thank you Lucy," Kevin began sadly, "thank you for believing in me in a time when I don't even know if…"

"Doc, you didn't do it and I'm going to show you that," she vowed as she gave him one last look before the guard led her out of the room leaving Kevin to face his demons alone as he wondered if he could be capable of such evil.

My eyes are bright and
I, I still don't even know you
I, I still wish that I could hold you
I, I still don't even know you
I, I sometimes wanna die (3x)
Yeah I sometimes wanna die
I, I sometimes wanna die (4x)
Yeah I sometimes wanna

Sometimes Wanna Die by Joydrop

Chapter Two

Karen Wexler stepped down the hallway thinking to her fallen friend as the rumors about Elizabeth Barrington's murder began to circulate. Something about the scene just wasn't making sense and as she began thinking about Kevin's long, hard road to recovery, something just wasn't adding up. She had to have a word with him--had to find out his story before he lost his life all over again. Making her way to the door of his room, Karen was met by a burly looking guard and a frown swept over her features at the extreme precautions the hospital and the police were taking. While Kevin was a suspect in the murder of Elizabeth Barrington, he was a victim more than anything. If he did in fact kill Elizabeth, then what he truly needed was help and not being placed under such intense scrutinization.

"Where do you think you're going," the guard questioned looking down at Karen.

"I'm a doctor," Karen motioned towards her identification badge, "and I'm checking in with my patient."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," the man shook his head pointedly, "you're not on the list Dr….Wexler, is it?"

"What do you mean I'm not on the list?" Karen glared at him, "what list?"

"The one that Dr. Collins psychiatrist left at the door with specific orders on who we can and cannot let in to see him," he stated simply.

"Let me take a look at this list," Karen held her hand out seeing the reluctance in his features, "now," she threw out an authoritative tone.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," he shook his head, "its simply isn't allowed."

"Fine, then let me tell you what I'm going to do if you don't let me at least see that list," Karen stood taller, "I'll find my way down to the Chief of Staff's office and have a word with him about this situation here. Then my next stop will be down to the police station where I will have a one on one conversation with Commissioner Scorpio--who happens to be a good friend of mine and by the time I'm through with you, you'll be lucky if you'll be able to watch paint dry. Do I make myself clear?"

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" the guard grumbled at her.

"No that's a promise and one I intend to keep if you don't let me see that list," Karen replied swiping the clipboard from the man's fingers, "thank you," she announced turning away from him as she looked over the list of names upon it. Frowning at what she saw, she looked back to the agitated guard and questions, "Wait a second. According to this paper, the only ones allowed in there are a couple of officers and a Dr. Harrison. His family is off the list?"

"Whatever it says is how it is," the man nodded.

"That's not right," Karen shook her head before looking to the page again, "who is Dr. Harrison?"

"The psychiatrist on this particular case," the man explained swiping back his clip board, "and the person you need to take things up with if you have a problem with this situation."

"Believe me I will," Karen announced realizing that she would make it her mission to find this Dr. Harrison and when she did, she'd see fit to clearing up this situation once and for all. The last thing Kevin needed was to be isolated from everyone that cared about him and Karen refused to let her friend suffer.

Lucy sipped her coffee as she looked out the back window of her kitchen door wall. Something about the tranquility of the quiet morning would've normally put her at ease, but somehow knowing that Doc was about to have his life taken away from him, well, it did anything but calm her nerves. Last night she'd promised Ian that she'd push Kevin's situation aside for a couple of hours, but despite her promise it had never truly left her. Just knowing that he'd been suspected of murdering Elizabeth sent a chill over her. Sure, she'd felt her Doc had changed over the last year and she'd dismissed it, but now that he was up on possible murder charges, she couldn't help but be concerned about him. Her mind was swirling with ways to let everyone see that Doc couldn't be a murderer--that he wasn't capable of such evil, but most of all she needed to convince Kevin of this truth. Last night he'd seemed so lost, so out of touch with the world as she realized he was slipping away. Granted she hadn't been as in tune with him as she once was, but through the fear and confusion, she could see it. Kevin wasn't sure of himself and her fear was that in the uncertainty he'd allow guilt to overtake him thus convicting him of such horrors in his mind.

Hearing a soft tapping on the back door, Lucy turned her attention to the sound and she struggled to keep her worries about Kevin from showing--at least as much as she could as she went to answer the door. Much to her surprise she found Livvie standing outside her door with tear stained cheeks as she looked up at Lucy.

"Lucy, I need your help," Livvie explained with a sniffle, "may I come inside?"

"Livvie, wh-what are you doing here," Lucy began with an uneasy tone before opening her door wider, "of course. Come in."

"Thank you," Livvie stepped into the room keeping her eyes to the floor before she made her way further into the kitchen. After a long moment, she turned around to look at Lucy, her sadness evident in her eyes, "have you spoken with my father? Do you know what they're saying about them?"

Lucy nodded, "I saw him last night."

"I don't believe it," Livvie blurted out tearfully, "my father would never do that."

"Livvie…"

"Lucy, please," Livvie interrupted, "before you tell me that you felt my father was evil and that he tried to hurt you, I need you to know something. My father might've been behaving strangely, but he wasn't himself."

"Livvie, I know…" Lucy began again.

"No, you don't know," Livvie shook her head, "my father was confused and hurting after everything that happened to him. He wasn't the man he'd become of his own doing. Sure after a while Joshua stepped in and made matters worse, but the reason that my father is in the place right now--the reason he's a murder suspect is because of me," Livvie confessed at long last.

"Livvie, what happened to Elizabeth had nothing to do with you…" Lucy hesitated, "or did it? Was Kevin fighting with her over something you did? Did something happen with Alison?"

"Nothing like that," Livvie answered nervously, "you see my father is a good man with a kind and loving heart. He wouldn't hurt anyone," Livvie explained drawing in a breath, "you see back when I was chasing after Rafe like a stupid fool, I was pregnant…"

"I remember that," Lucy folded her arms in front of her chest, "you weren't happy unless you were making everyone miserable."

"You're right. I did make everyone miserable, but I never, ever intended to do it to my father," Livvie explained in between sobs, "I was just trying to get Frank to back off…to make him leave me alone and then my dad came over and it all happened so fast…" Livvie broke down in full blown tears.

"What happened so fast?" Lucy questioned as Livvie's sobs overtake her, "Livvie?"

"I didn't mean to do it. I didn't want to hurt my dad," Livvie cried harder, "I never wanted this for him."

"Livvie, what did you do to Kevin?" Lucy questioned again feeling her every synapse on fire at Livvie's words, "what did you do?"

"I drugged him," Livvie blurted out shamefully, "but Lucy it was never meant for my father. Frank was trying to blackmail me and…"

"You did this to Doc?" Lucy's jaw dropped, "Livvie how could you?"

"I'd take it back if I could. You have to believe that…"

"I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth," Lucy snapped back at her as her anger surged through her, "after all your father has been through…after all this time…Livvie, how could you do this to him?"

"I didn't have a choice," Livvie began.

"There's always a choice," Lucy shot back bitterly, "but you made the wrong one, now didn't you?"

"Oh like you're one to lecture me," Livvie snapped back defensively, "remind me again how long it was that you waited for my father before you leapt into bed with Ian Thornhart?"

"Why you," Lucy fought the urge to strangle Livvie as Ian stepped into the room hearing the commotion.

"What's going on here?" Ian questioned taking in the situation.

"Speak of the devil," Livvie wiped at her face, "maybe I was a fool to think I could get any help out of you of all people when you could care less about my father."

"Livvie, now you know that's not true. While I have my own problems with you, I happen to lo--care about your father very much," Lucy yelled back at her, "and I would do anything--absolutely anything to help him if it was in my power."

"If you really mean that, then you'll help me. You'll push your feelings aside about me and you'll help me get in to see my father," Livvie explained simply, "I went down to the hospital today and the psychiatrist they have treating my father isn't letting anyone in. There is this list and his family can't be with him…since legally you're still his wife…"

"Being by Doc is the last place you should be after what you told me," Lucy glared at her.

"Yeah well you're not on the list either," Livvie answered matter of fact, "so I guess his psychiatrist felt you weren't good for him as well."

"What?" Lucy shook her head, "no that's not possible. I was just with him last night. I talked to him and…"

"How is he?" Livvie asked desperately, "Lucy please I need to know…"

"He's not doing too well," Lucy confessed as she exchanged glances, "and despite my better judgment, maybe I can help you get in to see him. Regardless of how I feel, I'm sure Kevin needs you right about now since you are his daughter…"

"Lucy, you have no idea how much this means to me," Livvie began as hope washed over her.

"I haven't done anything yet," Lucy reminded her as she took her time in digesting the new information that had been passed on to her, "I'll see what I can do."

"Lucy, I appreciate this so very much," Livvie's tone softened.

"Good, then remember that the next time you are ready to wage a war with me," Lucy gave her a sideways glance, "now get out of my house…please."

"You'll call me if you get through to my father's doctor?" Livvie questioned unsure.

"You'll be at the top of my list," Lucy answered a bit sarcastically as she escorted Livvie to the door, "oh and Livvie, for your sake I hope what you did doesn't destroy your father because that's an awfully big price to pay for your deceptions."

"Don't lecture me on morality," Livvie gave her one last spiteful glance, "after all I wasn't the one who'd abandoned him just when he needed me the most," Livvie finished stepping out into the morning leaving Lucy with Ian as Ian broke his silence.

"Lucy, care to explain what that was about?" Ian questioned leaning in the doorway as he watched her seeing the turmoil that had washed over her.

"It's a long story," Lucy admitted with a sigh, "but one that will have to wait," she decided setting her coffee mug down, "I need to get over to the hospital."

"Lucy wait a second," Ian stepped forward reaching out to her, "you can't just leave it like that. Tell me what's going on."

"I will," she promised meeting his concerned glance, "but not now," she finished as her thoughts lingered to Kevin and to the deceptions that had paved the way of his downfall all these months. She just hoped that it wasn't too late to save him.

"Lucy wait," Ian reached out to her watching as Lucy reached for her coat from the coat rack.

"Ian, I have to do this," she stated simply giving him a quick kiss before taking a step back, "I promise I won't be long."

"Let me go with you."

"I need to do this on my own," she hesitated seeing the look on his face, "I promise I won't be long. Please just let me do this my way."

"Alright," Ian sighed watching her leave as he let out a breath wondering what this new situation with Kevin would mean for his future. As he looked around the room, the phone rang and he thought to Lucy again wondering if she'd changed her mind about telling him to stay home.

"Hello," he answered the phone.

"Dr. Thornhart," a voice spoke out to him.

"Yes."

"You don't know me, but I'm about to change your life forever," the voice explained simply, "and if I were you I'd listen to carefully to what I have to say because it might just surprise you along the way."

Kevin Collins looked to the phone thinking about how he'd longed to pick it up and call Lucy. Last night he'd been so confused and even now he couldn't think straight, but somehow in the midst of his fears, he kept thinking to her--to her words and as images of Elizabeth's body haunted him. He wanted so desperately to believe--to find proof of innocence but as his mind was tangled with mixed images he feared what he may have done.

"Kevin," Elizabeth's voice haunted his memory, "you don't really want me to leave, do you?" she finished with a playful laugh.

"Elizabeth, I really should be calling it a night," Kevin turned his attention back to the canvas before him, "I want to finish this before exhaustion takes away inspiration."

"I've got some inspiration for you," she offered in a flirty tone as she dropped her jacket from her shoulders, "one that I'm sure will keep your mind occupied for hours," she plucked open the buttons on her blouse, "so what do you say? How about giving up the canvas for something real tonight? Something much more rewarding?" she finished sliding out of her blouse as Kevin suddenly flashed to seeing her on the floor in a pool of blood.

"No," Kevin gasped returning to the hospital room, to the reality of his situation as he wondered if he was truly capable of crossing that line he'd vowed never to cross.

hr>

The stars were shining brightly and the ocean's tide was calling her as she looked down at the sleeping world below. Somehow she'd envisioned this picture many a times and it never failed to captivate her. The way that the water had looked that night--the promise the future had held in store for her and then the crashing. The noise had come out of the blue, interrupting her reflection and taking her away from the serenity she'd known.

A cry had escaped her lips as she awakened in the blackness. The world as she'd known it had been taken from her--ripped away as she gasped for breath. Feeling the walls closing in around her, she began to scratch away at the barriers, at the prison she'd found herself in as the cold dampness filled the coffin she'd been placed in. With each desperate gasp, her lungs filled with the salty taste and she cried out, hoping to be heard, to have someone save her from her fate, and the more she fought, the harder it was to breathe. There was no escape, yet she couldn't give up. The laughter still filled her ears, the sounds of the menacing taunt as she managed to scrape away at the layer of fabric down to the cold, hard metal as the scraping squealing sound of her fingers cut against the cage she'd found herself in as she was desperate to escape. The laughter continued to overtake her, sucking the last bit of life out of her, taking it all away when…

"No," she cried out sitting up to find herself alone in the center of the bed as her heart pounded furiously. Her breath escaped her open mouth in the form of a silent scream as she fought for air, unable to get it in fast enough after the nightmare she'd just lived out in her dream still lingered in her waking moments, "Chris," she called out with a strangled scream as her voice barely rose above a whisper.

Fighting to keep her panic attack from overthrowing her as her chest heaved with fear, she stumbled out of the bed collapsing on the floor before crawling across the room desperate to reach the window. The thick air seemed to still linger in her lungs stealing her breath with each attempt to fight her fears as her heart raced. Moving slowly across the floor on her hands and knees, she struggled to reach the window, to just find the morning light and the fresh air that lay beyond the blinds. Finally after what felt like an eternity, she lifted herself up on her knees reaching to the end of the blinds and tugging it as she fell to the floor again taking the blinds with her.

Hearing the sounds Chris raced into the bedroom finding her on the floor overcome with tears. Panic washed over him as he threw the blinds aside and he found her curled up in a ball on the floor as the morning air flooded through the room lifting the veil of darkness. She was visibly shaken as he reached out to her, almost afraid to touch her as her sobs continued.

"My pills," she whispered tightly, "Chris please…I'm having another panic attack…" she continued in between heaving gasped as she trembled before him.

"I've got them right here," Chris informed her reaching into his pocket and pulling out the small bottle as he touched her shoulder. "Look at me…"

"Chris please…" she turned her dark eyes up towards him as her tears stung her face.

"It's okay," he collected her in his arms giving her the pill he'd carried and offering a sip of the bottled water he'd had with him. Feeling her still shaking, he eased her further onto his lap, embracing her tightly as her tears burned through his t-shirt.

"I was so afraid," she confessed in a faint whisper, "I couldn't get out…I just couldn't…"

"You're safe now," he promised bringing his fingers through her hair as he held her, "you're safe with me."

"I know that," she nodded unsure, "I know you'll protect me and that this is crazy of me," she hesitated as her tears began to die down. She pulled away from him slightly wiping at her tears as she shook her head feeling foolish, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he reached out to her capturing a tear from her cheek as he met her frightened eyes, "there isn't a thing to apologize for."

"I just wish I was stronger…that I was…." she took in a breath.

"You are strong," Chris encouraged, "you're a fighter and you're going to keep fighting and soon the darkness will go away."

"It never goes away Chris," she answered sadly, "as long as I live it'll never truly go away."

"Yes it will," Chris insisted drawing her into his arms once again, "I'll make it go away."

"Chris, I don't think that…." she stopped herself wanting to leave the past behind as he held her. Feeling the safety of his arms, she wanted to believe, wanted to feel the fear leave her forever, but she knew that when the darkness returned one day it would bury her alive…it would be back for her.

"You're safe with me," he tried to soothe her once again, "you'll always be safe here with me."

"I want to believe that," she confessed closing her eyes as she held him, "I want that more than anything."

"We'll make it happen," he promised vowing that the woman in his arms would be able to fight the demons that haunted her one way or another. He wouldn't let the darkness take her ever again. That much he swore to himself.

"Look I don't care if Dr. Harrison is in a meeting. You tell him that Dr. Wexler is here and that I'm not leaving until I have a word with him," Karen demanded staring down the mousy secretary that sat at the desk outside Dr. Blake Harrison's office.

"I've already told you that…" the secretary began again.

"I'm not taking no for an answer," Karen folded her arms in front of her chest, "so either you can go in there and grab Dr. Harrison or I will."

"Look Dr. Wexler, you can't just go and…" the secretary began as Karen pushed past her.

"To hell with it," Karen made her way to the office door reaching for the knob and turning it. She marched into the office expecting an intense face off with Dr. Harrison, but she was met by the emptiness of the new Dr.'s office.

"As I told you before," the secretary followed her into the room, "you'll have to make an appointment because Dr. Harrison is booked for the day."

"And just where is Dr. Harrison?" Karen demanded as the sound of footsteps came from outside the office door, "Never mind," she pushed past the secretary and nearly ran Lucy Coe over in the process, "Lucy," she began surprised, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Dr. Harrison," Lucy explained simply, "it seems I've been banned from my husband's hospital room and I'd like to change that."

"Lucy, no one is being allowed to see him," Karen informed her with a frown, "I tried to go on there and check on him, but Brutus at the door insisted that no one was allowed in there and Dr. Harrison is no where to be found."

"They told me that Dr. Harrison would be here," Lucy frowned in response as the small secretary stepped out of the doctor's office.

"Well you're out of luck because I already told her that Dr. Harrison is unavailable," the secretary huffed making her way back to the desk, "now if you two would be on your way…"

"I told you that I'm not leaving until you tell me exactly where Dr. Harrison is," Karen stated firmly, "so you'd better start talking or else…" Karen's voice threatened as Lucy stepped forward.

"Excuse me," Lucy began looking to the secretary, "while I realize you believe you're doing your job here, we need to Dr. Harrison. My husband is in the hospital for treatment right now and I desperately need to see him."

"If you're talking about Dr. Collins, I'm afraid that you just won't be able to visit until Dr. Harrison gives the okay," the secretary shrugged her shoulders, "and that won't be happening today so you're wasting your time."

"No, you're wasting our time," Karen snapped back at her.

"I already told you…"

"Look, I don't know what you told Dr. Wexler here, but I'm Lucy Coe. Lucy Coe Collins to be exact and I demand that I'm allowed in to see my husband. I want to speak to Dr. Harrison pronto."

"I don't care if you're the Easter bunny," the woman glared at her, "Dr. Harrison is busy this morning and afternoon and isn't able to fit you in."

"I don't think you heard me. I'm Lucy Coe-Collins, a member of the hospital board," Lucy spoke sharply, "and if you don't direct me to Dr. Harrison, you can rest assured that the only check you'll be applying for will be your unemployment check because you won't work another day here at this hospital, so start talking….now!"

Ian stood outside of his car looking ahead at the lighthouse before him. While he'd promised Lucy he'd stay home and wait, something about waiting never sat well with him. He'd called Daniel's nanny to come in and look after him and Christina as he began his own investigation into Elizabeth Barrington's murder. Moving in under the yellow police line, he headed up to the front door of the lighthouse seeing the uniformed officers before him. Quietly he stepped into the room seeing the mess that laid out before him as the crime scene unfolded. Crimson shades spattered over the walls as the officers searched the room for clues.

"Ian, what are you doing here?" Mac Scorpio frowned approaching the curious doctor, "this is a crime scene."

"Your point," Ian shrugged his shoulders before making his way further into the room, "what are we looking at here Mac? Where was the body found?" Ian motioned over to the most crimson colored wall next to an easel draped with a red canvas, "over there?"

"Ian, you have no business at a crime scene," Mac followed Ian through the room.

"Mac, I'm a doctor and I can help," Ian decided as he looked around the room taking in the scene before him as it's shades of horror told a story of disaster.

"Ian, there isn't anyone here in need of your medical assistance and you can't be here. Leave the detective work up to the professionals," Mac asserted.

"Mac, who are we kidding?" Ian looked over his shoulder at him, "we both know that your department has been notorious for being careless in an investigation and if you were the ones running this then Kevin will go to prison for sure."

"Isn't that what you're hoping for?" Mac challenged watching Ian closely, "I mean wouldn't you stand the most to gain if Kevin is incarcerated indefinitely?"

"What are you getting at Mac?" Ian spun around to face him.

"Ian, it's no secret about you and Lucy. Sure she and Kevin are married in name, but I know about the two of you. Half this town does and seeing that you aren't a crime scene investigator, a medical examiner or a member of the PCPD, you have no business in being here while we do are job…unless of course you came over here to tamper with evidence somehow."

"And to think I thought you would appreciate an impartial assist on this one," Ian frowned deeply.

"Ian, we both know that you're neither impartial or qualified to take place in this part of the investigation. If you have anything you'd like to add you can do it downtown and for now, I strongly suggest you leave this to the professionals and be on your way," Mac answered sharply.

"I'd do that, but at the same time I feel you'd be missing some key evidence here such as the tread marks outside. You know the ones that lead down to the water," Ian motioned towards the way he'd entered the house.

"What tread marks?" Mac questioned curiously.

"The ones that aren't a part of this crime scene area," Ian motioned towards the patio, "may I?"

"Lead the way Dr. Thornhart," Mac nodded in response following him out of the lighthouse down into the yard.

"As you can see," Ian pointed out, "some of the weeds are pressed down and if you take a look I think you can see some blonde hair and what appears to be blood down near the water."

"I didn't notice….." Mac began before clearing his throat, "what I meant to say was you shouldn't be here."

"Look Mac given what you have inside, it would've been easy to overlook because clearly it appears that Elizabeth was murdered in there, but if you take a closer look," Ian glanced over his shoulder at Mac before pulling out a pair of gloves and putting them on. He carefully moved towards the bushes kneeling down as Mac voiced yet another protest.

"Dr. Thornhart, I already told you," Mac watched Ian lift a golden locket from the bushes.

"I believe this belongs to your victim," Ian turned towards Mac showing him the golden locket he'd collected, "and from the amount of blood out here, well, I'd have to say that perhaps what you saw in the lighthouse was more for show than anything."

"Ian, even if that were the case and I'm not saying it is," Mac reached for the locket, "how would you know all of this?"

"I could say it was because of my keen sense of detective skills," Ian began as Mac gave him a look, "or I could tell you the truth and let you know about the phone call I received earlier."

"Phone call? What phone call?" Mac eyed him closely.

"The one alerting me to send you here," Ian answered shaking his head, "I didn't believe it myself, but when I came down here…"

"Wait a second…back up. You got a phone call telling you to come down here?" Mac questioned in confusion.

"That's right," Ian nodded, "someone wanted me to take a look at this and let you see this part of your crime scene."

"And why would they want to do that," Mac challenged.

"That part I was hoping you would answer for me, although if you want my guess," Ian took in a breath, "I'd say whomever called me knows more about what happened to Elizabeth than they're willing to admit and by calling me, well it gives you reason to start questioning your suspicions about Kevin, now doesn't it?"

"Ian, how do I know what you're saying is true," Mac questioned.

"Why else would I be here?" Ian offered with a shrug, "after all what do I have to gain in being here?"

"Nothing that I know of," Mac decided taking in this new area of evidence as he realized he needed to make another trip to the hospital to meet with Kevin. One way or another he'd get his answers about what really happened.

Chris returned to the living room finding his guest seated where he'd left her moments earlier as he retrieved the hot chocolate. Just seeing her seated on the middle of the sofa buried beneath a blanket, his heart ached as she looked so lost. He vowed never to let her feel that kind of pain, yet as he saw the hurt that flooded over her, he felt as though he'd let her down.

"I hope you like extra marshmallows," Chris announced trying to lighten the mood as she barely looked up at him, "hey."

"I love marshmallows," she replied looking up at him after a moment, "Chris about earlier…look I didn't mean to…"

"Don't apologize," he offered setting the tray down on the coffee table, "I already told you that you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Still I can't help but hate how I brought this to your life. You didn't need me or my problems messing things up for you," she sighed looking to the steaming mug of hot chocolate, "you deserve more than this."

"What I deserve is to be here with you," he reached out to her lifting her chin to meet his gaze, "do you have any idea how long I've waited for you to come back to me? I thought that our chance was over and now that you're here, well it gives me hope."

"I don't know how you can say that given how I am," she smiled gently, "it's as if I'm broken…"

"No, you aren't broken," he shook his head, "never broken, just in need of some guidance that's all and I'm here to give it to you."

She half laughed, "I never thought I'd live to see the day I'd be coming to you for guidance."

"Stranger things have happened," he teased further seeing the smile light up her features.

"Like what?" she challenged.

"Well for starters, you finally got to see me naked and I know you've been dreaming about that one for a long time," he winked back at her, "all those years of repressed lust for me finally gratified in one moment of playing a peeping Tom or is it a peeing Tona…"

"I already told you that I was not playing a peeping anything," she defended, "It was late and I realized I forgot to brush my teeth," she felt the heat rising from her features as his eyes darted through her, "besides, you should know by now to lock the doors when you're in the bathroom like that."

"I have nothing to hide," he shrugged his shoulders thinking back to the surprise on her face when she'd walked in on him, "you should know that by now."

"I'm learning something new every day with you, Chris Ramsey," she let out a tiny laugh thinking about how he'd managed to shift the moment into something lighter between them, "besides I wasn't really looking when I was in there. I was too mortified to pay attention."

"Oh please, admit it. I'm your dream guy and you can't seem to get me out of your mind," he teased further.

"So that's why I'm having all the nightmares," she groaned inwardly.

"Now honey," he touched her cheek gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as he saw the way her eyes widened with their teasing, "we both know that dreaming of me would bring nothing short of a smile to your face."

"You know your ego is quite overwhelming," she teased lightly as his finger teased over her cheekbone.

"Wait till you try the rest of me," he leaned in closer to her, "I swear once you have a taste of heaven, you'll never stray again."

"Your confidence will be your downfall," she savored his touch as he inched in towards her, his lips a breath away from hers as he whispered.

"Or it could be the one thing that sets us both free," his breath slipped over her lips, invading the warmth of her as she closed her eyes anticipating that small movement--the fraction of an inch between them that felt like an eternity as a sound erupted through the living room bringing her back to her senses.

"What the…?" Chris questioned in surprise as the news flashed over the television, "just wonderful," he reached for the remote he'd moved over and began to switch the television set off as she reached for his hand to stop him.

"Wait a second," she urged grabbing the remote, "turn it up. I want to hear this."

"It's just about…" Chris began.

"The murder you told me about," she finished seeing a picture of Kevin flash over the screen, "Chris, what's happening to him? What's really going on?"

"I don't know," he admitted honestly, "from what I saw last night it didn't look too good though."

"And this Elizabeth woman? What was she like?"

"Flirty, needy and available," Chris shrugged his shoulders, "she liked men."

"And Kevin was what? Her latest play toy," a frown touched over her lips, "I don't think he would do something like what they're saying."

"It's not our place to get involved," Chris turned off the television set, "as much as I feel for Kevin, there's nothing we can do about this."

"Chris, what if what is going on with Kevin is somehow related to what I…"

"It has nothing to do with what happened to you," Chris interrupted, "Elizabeth Barrington has nothing to do with you and this, well it was an unfortunate accident."

"And what happened to me was what?" she challenged.

"A crime that won't go unpunished," Chris promised her, "it'll just take time."

"I don't know if time is going to be on our side and now that Kevin is…" she sighed, "Chris, something just doesn't feel right. The Kevin Collins I know would not murder someone."

"The Kevin Collins you knew hasn't been around in a long time," Chris admitted honestly, "A lot of things have changed since you were away."

"Still thinking about the idea of Kevin and of what happened with me….I just can't help but wonder if…"

"If what?" he reached out to her, "if you come forward and let everyone know what I know, then you're only making yourself a walking target. They will find out that you're still here, that they didn't destroy you and then, well we both know what will happen then…"

"I just can't help but wonder," she trailed off, "you're right. This thing with Kevin couldn't possibly be tied into what happened with me. I mean why would they go after Kevin after all this time? It's not as if he knew…"

"No, he didn't," Chris promised her as he squeezed her hand, "no one else knows. I promised you that I wouldn't tell any of them."

"Thank you," she sighed, "because I just don't know how I could face them all again after all that's happened."

"You won't have to," he reached out to her, "just trust your good buddy Chris. I won't let you be hurt again."

"I know you believe that," she replied leaning into him as her thoughts lingered to Kevin and she wondered if there was some kind of connection between them.

"I don't believe how hard it is to get a straight answer around this place," Lucy huffed as she made he way down the hall toward Kevin's room with Karen beside her, "The nerve of that woman trying to keep me from my husband when I'm exactly what he needs right now."

"Kevin does need people who love and support him," Karen agreed before offering a long pause, "but Lucy, why are you here?"

"Livvie told me about what this Dr. Harrison was pulling and after I saw Doc last night…"

"You saw Kevin?" Karen's eyes widened, "you were here?"

"I couldn't let him face this alone," Lucy explained simply seeing the surprise on Karen's features, "what? You look surprised."

"No, I'm not it's just…well, I just thought that since you and Ian had…" Karen trailed off, "never mind."

"No, what's on your mind Karen?"

"Well, I mean with you and Kevin it's been a long time since the two of you have connected and…" Karen shook her head, "it's none of my business."

"Obviously you have something on your mind or else you wouldn't be here," Lucy raised a curious brow, "Karen, why are you here to see Kevin?"

"He's my friend," Karen stated simply, "he and I have been spending a lot of time together lately and this thing with Elizabeth, well I just don't buy it."

"Neither do I," Lucy confessed, "it isn't like Doc at all even with the drugs…"

"Lucy, Kevin hasn't been using for a while," Karen explained further, "I was helping him. He was in recovery and had been without for a while. The two of us were working together to help him with his addiction and he fought it so hard," Karen shook her head, "none of this makes any sense."

"Karen, how long have you known about Kevin and his addiction?" Lucy questioned lightly.

"A couple of months," Karen shrugged her shoulders, "he and I have been helping each other and when I figured it out, well I wanted to be there to help him. I knew how hard it was going through that kind of thing alone and I didn't wish that upon anyone especially not Kevin."

"So then he told you about what happened with Livvie?" Lucy pressed further.

"He told you?" Karen lifted a curious brow, "wow, I had no idea that you knew."

"I didn't," Lucy admitted a bit surprised that Kevin had shared that piece of information with Karen and not her, "I found out this morning when Livvie told me that Dr. Harrison had blocked visitors from Doc."

"He told me a while ago, but he didn't want it getting out," Karen explained, "he was worried about Livvie and as her father he didn't want to make her suffer any more than she already had."

"That would be something Doc would do," Lucy thought back to the man she'd fallen in love with so long ago, "he'd go to the ends of the earth to save those he loved."

"Which is exactly why I believe he's innocent," Karen added, "I don't buy this situation for a second. Kevin wouldn't do that to anyone."

"No he wouldn't and I intend to prove that," Lucy announced as the door to Kevin's hospital room opened and a tall auburn haired woman attempted to step into the room. Surprised by what she saw before her, Lucy felt an eerie feeling wash over her as she reached out to the woman tugging on her arm as the auburn hair captured her attention, "just what do you think you're doing?"

"Excuse me?" the woman blinked back at her as Lucy's gaze shot through her.

"What were you doing in there with my husband? Just who the hell do you think you are going in there and…" Lucy stopped as the noticed the nametag on the woman's jacket, "You're…"

"Dr. Blake Harrison," the woman extended her hand, "and clearly you must be Mrs. Collins. I've heard a great deal about you and you," she turned her attention to Karen, "I've heard you both were harassing my secretary not so long ago."

"I want to see my husband," Lucy decided firmly, "and I'm not leaving until I do just that."

"Mrs. Collins, given what I know about you," Blake eyed her up and down, "I wouldn't let you near my patient if you were the last person alive. Given the state of your marital issues with my patient, I feel it would be in his best interest to stay far away from you."

"That isn't your choice to make," Lucy huffed, "you can't keep my from my husband."

"As long as he's under my care, then I'll make whatever judgment call I deem fit," Blake answered, "and right now I'm sticking to the decision I've made."

"She's his family," Karen argued with her, "he needs his family right now."

"What he needs is time away from all of you," Blake turned to her, "in fact Dr. Wexler I am glad that you're down here because I'd like to have a word with you about your relationship with Dr. Collins."

"What about?" Karen questioned curiously.

"I was wondering how long you've been feeding his drug addiction," Blake eyed her intently, "given that you yourself are an ex-addict, it only makes sense that…"

"I don't like where you're headed with this conversation," Karen snapped back at her, "you nothing about me or my situation and for you to even imply…"

"Oh to hell with you," Lucy piped in, "I don't know who you think you are Dr. Harrison, but consider yourself fired from my husband's case. You're the last person I feel my husband should be around at a time like this especially when he needs the love and support of his family."

"Mrs. Collins your husband committed murder," Blake pointed out bluntly, "I think the last thing he needs are the stressors that put him in this position in the first place. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I did not push my husband to commit murder," Lucy huffed back at her, "I would never do that to Doc."

"So you're saying that he isn't capable?" Blake raised a curious brow, "but what about you? If you love your husband as much as you claim to, then wouldn't it only make sense that you'd naturally be upset about him taking on a new lover even though you yourself have done so?"

"I didn't kill Elizabeth and neither did Doc and you," Lucy shook her head as she let out a groan, "you are out of line and I WON'T let you keep me from my husband," Lucy pushed Blake out of her way as she stepped into Kevin's room surprised at what she found before her.

"Mrs. Collins," Blake followed her into the room as her eyes fell upon the bed before them, "oh my…"

"He's gone," Lucy gasped in shock as she looked to the empty bed before her, "Kevin's gone."

Chapter Three

"This can't be happening," Lucy shook her head in confusion as she rushed over to the empty hospital bed where she'd visited with Kevin less than twenty four hours earlier. She turned to Dr. Harrison her eyes narrowed in an accusatory glare, "What have you done with him?"

"What have I done," Blake replied with a frown, "I haven't done anything with him, but you however," she motioned towards Karen, "and you…were you both trying to distract me so that you could help him escape."

"We didn't even get a chance to get in here," Karen argued with her, "You wouldn't let us see Kevin, so how in the hell could either one of us get him out of here?"

"I know all about you and your drug addiction Dr. Wexler and how you facilitated Dr. Collins by providing him with his poison…"

"That's a lie," Karen shouted back at the unruly doctor, "I did no such thing and for you to even imply that I would cross over into some kind of unethical territory with Kevin when he was my friend…"

"Karen, don't bother," Lucy interrupted cutting her words off, "This woman isn't here to provide an objective ear or to help Doc. All she wants to do is jumble things up even more, but I see right through her. She's not going to blindside us when she's the one who found a way to get rid of Doc and I demand she start talking or else I swear I'll call one of my very best pals Mac Scorpio in here to find out what she did to my husband."

"Look Mrs. Collins, I didn't do anything to your husband and while he was under my treatment I can assure you that he was safe and secure in here."

"Obviously not," Lucy growled back at her, "In fact, I'm not going to wait to ask questions," Lucy turned her attention to the security guard outside the door, "Call Mac Scorpio down at the police department right away as I will find out what happened to my husband and when I do," Lucy warned sharply, "there's going to be hell to pay."

"That's one thing we agree on," Dr. Harrison glared down at Lucy, "because when I find out how you pulled this little caper off, you're going to be the one behind bars for obstructing justice. Mark my words on this."

"To hell with you," Lucy threw her hands in the air wildly, "I'm going to find Doc and when I do, you'd better pray that I don't find out about you in the process," she finished with a huff marching out into the hallway determined to find something on her husband one way or another.

"How are you feeling," Chris questioned wearily as he popped his head into the guest bedroom seeing the woman before him. She was gazing out the window, looking far more lost than he'd ever seen her before as his heart ached. Thinking of the pain she'd been through along with the helplessness he'd carried inside of him at the very thought that he hadn't found a way to helping her soon, he realized that he needed to find a way to make things right. She'd made her way back to him and he'd sworn to protect her, but the demons of the past were still so strong--waging war inside of her in ways he'd never fully understand. Realizing she was too far lost in her darkness to take note of his presence he stepped into the room, carefully making his way in behind her as his hand pressed on her shoulder gently, "Hey…"

"Huh?" she turned her eyes up towards him and behind their darkness, he could see the tears threatening as he took a seat beside her on the mattress.

"Want to talk about it," he questioned squeezing her leg gently as she shook her head in refusal.

"That doesn't help anything," she sighed closing her eyes as if to shield herself from allowing him to see her pain, "They're just words anyways…"

"It's more than that," he saw the pain flash over her features as she tried to turn away from him, "You can't keep it inside forever."

"It won't ever leave," she sighed forcing herself to look up at him once again, "Chris, how can you do this? How can you even bear to be with me right now?"

"Is that a trick question," he gave her a sideways glance as her sadness engulfed her. Reaching out to touch her face gently he lifted her eyes up towards his, "Hey, you know that I waited so long to be this close to you again, to be able to have you in my arms--to hold you and just be with you."

"You mean to be with who I was," she sighed a tear slipping past her cheek, "What I am now isn't what you dreamed about."

"You are my ultimate dream girl," Chris argued with her as a breath escaped his lips, "Night and day you were always on my mind and now in having you here, well I feel as if the world finally gave me something to believe in--something to hold onto…"

"Why would you want to," she questioned her lower lip quivering as her hair draped over the left side of her face, masking it with shadows, "How can you bear to even look at me after what they did…"

"Hey," he brushed his finger tips in over her cheekbone feeling her cringe at the contact as his warmth spilled over the lingering scarring over her features, "you're beautiful."

"Not anymore," she attempted to put a distance between them as he held onto her refusing to allow her to pull away.

"Yes, you are," Chris insisted firmly unwilling to let her slip away again as he urged her to look upon him, "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met and I won't let you think that any of this," the pad of his thumb brushed over her course skin, "takes away from who you are and what you are to me."

"Chris, you're just trying to make me feel better because the truth is…" she began as he cupped her face in his hands keeping her still as he leaned forward dropping a tender kiss over her soft, supple lips. Her lips were still curled in protest as his mouth beckoned hers tasting her freely as though there was nothing that had changed about her--as if she was still the woman he'd desired long ago.

She cried out against the kiss realizing it had been far too long since she'd felt the warmth of a lover's embrace, the heat of such a passion laced kiss and as his arm slid around her waist drawing her in closer to him, she felt his desire radiating over her in a wash of hope and freedom as his touch was real. She'd escaped the horrors of the past and Chris was right here holding onto her with all he had in the hopes of finding a future. Unable to deny how right his arms felt around her, she pressed her palm in over his shoulder curling her fingers into the material of his shirt as they parted, both breathless and seeking more in one another as their eyes connected.

"Now tell me that you don't believe me when I say I need you," Chris challenged in a whisper leaning forward once again brushing his lips against hers in a faint, barely there whisper of a kiss, "I love you. I've always loved you."

"Oh Chris," she murmured against his kiss curling her arms around him as they fell back onto the mattress with one another lost in a cascade of kisses.

Chris eased her onto her back laying in over her as he braced himself up on his elbow watching as her dark hair scattered out over the blanket. He touched her face gently feeling her shudder at the contact and a sigh spilled over his lips, "You're beautiful," he reminded her once again as the same sadness filled her eyes.

"I don't feel beautiful like I used to once upon a time," she confessed poignantly.

"If it's because of this," he traced the outline of the pink scar on her cheek, "then I'll have the best plastic surgeon in the country--hell the world fly out here and fix this for you. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right," he paused as he felt her finger tips tease over the center of his chest in a feathery light motion.

"You would do all of that just for me," she questioned with a soft sigh.

"All that and more if it made you happy," he promised with a nod, "I'll do whatever it takes to keep the demons away and to help you heal again."

"I don't know if that's even possible anymore," she let out an ironic laugh, "After all this time, I don't even know where to start…"

"How about together," he laced his fingers with hers bringing them to his lips gently, "We'll fight this battle together."

"Thank you," she smiled up at him, "Chris, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You won't ever have to worry about that," he promised collecting her in his arms as she snuggled into his chest savoring the warmth of him surrounding her. She hugged him tightly as she closed her eyes.

"Thank you for everything," she whispered listening to the strong, stead beating of his heart beneath her, "Somehow you always know just the right things to make my feel better and this," she snuggled in against him closer still, "is exactly what I needed."

"You're all I need," he whispered kissing the top of her head as he realized that in having her back again, he finally had it all and he would do everything in his power to give her happiness again. Somehow he'd make things right once more.

"What's going on here," Mac Scorpio demanded stepping into the bustling hallway as he looked around the corridor seeing the guards he'd assigned to Kevin Collins' room wandering about.

"Dr. Collins is missing," the man explained with a frown, "He just disappeared."

"What do you mean disappeared?" Ian frowned deeply as a sudden sinking feeling washed over him.

"No one got in, no one was out," the guard shrugged his shoulders, "Dr. Harrison was on her way to see him, but then Mrs. Collins and Dr. Wexler approached her and then, well Dr. Collins was gone."

"That's impossible," Mac argued with the man a frown touching over his features.

"Where's Lucy?" Ian questioned the guard giving him a strange look, "Mrs. Collins?"

"Down by the room," the guard pointed in the direction leading to the room Kevin was in earlier as Ian rushed down the hallway wondering what was going on. Given the condition that Kevin was in during Lucy's previous visit, there was no way that Ian believed Kevin could just up and disappear, but now as Ian thought back to his mysterious phone call and to the evidence they'd found at the Lighthouse, a sudden sense of fear rushed over him.

"Karen," Ian called out to the familiar face before him as she'd just stepped into the hallway looking confused.

"Ian, hey," she greeted him, "what are you doing here?"

"I just heard about Kevin," Ian explained with a frown, "Where's Lucy?"

"She was here a few minutes ago, but then when she heard Kevin left, she started looking for him," Karen continued her voice laced with concern, "We're all worried about him especially considering that no one knows what's going on. His doctor was some woman neither Lucy nor myself have heard of and she refused to let us see him. Then Lucy just burst into the room in classic Lucy fashion…"

"That doesn't surprise me," Ian nodded thinking of the woman he loved, "and then what?"

"Then Kevin was gone," Karen frowned deeply, "Ian this isn't like Kevin. None of this sounds like Kevin. While I know he did some horrible things, he was hooked on drugs at the time--drugs that Joshua had been giving him after he'd been injected by…well, the point is that Kevin was fighting so hard to succeed on the road to recovery and this thing with Elizabeth," Karen shook her head in dismay, "it just doesn't make sense. None of it does. It's not something Kevin would do."

"I'm starting to think you're right about that," Ian admitted thinking to the cryptic phone call he'd received, "but still, I have a feeling that there's more to this story than any of us realize."

"Well none of that matters until we find Kevin," Karen reminded him simply, "He's going through detox and while he's been doing so well, I don't know what will happen with him gone…"

"We'll find him," Ian tried to assure her, "but first you have to help me find Lucy. I need to speak with her about something."

"Okay," Karen nodded in agreement as the two headed down the hallway in search of Lucy as the quest to find Kevin was still in progress.

Lucy rushed through the hallway of the sixth floor desperate to find Kevin as he'd just seemed to vanish into thin air. The thought of him being out of the hospital while it brought forth a sense of relief to get him away from those who'd put him in such a position, also scared her as she feared what he could encounter on the way to freedom. It wasn't like Kevin to run, yet with him missing, she had to believe that's what he'd done. The alternative was too terrifying as she thought of Dr. Harrison's smug expressions. Somehow she had the gut feeling that woman had something to do with Doc being missing and when she uncovered the truth there would be hell to pay.

"Think Lucy," she urged herself as she pressed the button on the elevator ready to go to another floor as her heart raced inside her chest. She stepped inside, feeling the doors close as she reached out to push a button.

"The basement," a voice instructed harshly as Lucy felt an arm slide around her covering her mouth, "now."

"What…" Lucy started attempting to see the man behind her as he squeezed her tighter in his arms. She did as instructed as she looked down to see his blood covered hand pressed against her flat abdomen, "Oh my God you're bleeding…"

"We have to get out of here," he demanded harshly as the elevator doors opened up into the parking garage, "Where's your car?"

"It's right there," Lucy answered feeling him push her through the darkness as a panic washed over her, "You can't just take me away. The police are looking for me and if…"

"Lucy," he groaned in agony as she spun around to see his face through the shadows.

"Doc?" she questioned as he released her and she looked to see the blood that had covered her was his own. He clenched his abdomen as a groan washed over him.

"Lucy, you have to get me out of here," he pleaded with her falling back against the side of her car, "I can't stay here."

"Doc, the police are upstairs. If someone did this to you then," she winced as he let out a yelp and he tugged on her arm.

"Lucy please. I have to get out of here. If I stay here a minute longer, I'm a dead man. You have to believe me," his dark eyes pleaded with her.

"But Doc we're at the hospital and you need help," she started again as he squeezed his fingers around her slender arm.

"Lucy please," he begged of her, "You have to help me. You're my only chance and if I go back into that hospital I'm a dead man for sure."

"But Doc I…" she started again as she saw the pain wash over his features. Reluctantly she drew in a breath unlocking her car and helping him inside, "I don't understand this, but I need to know…"

"I'll explain everything as soon as you get me out of here," Kevin promised as Lucy helped him into the passenger seat of her car hoping that she wasn't making a mistake as her fears enveloped her. She looked around the parking garage for a brief moment praying that Ian would understand as she got into the car with Kevin ready to take him to safety as something was terribly wrong and she intended to find out just what it was one way or another.