TITLE: Addicted
AUTHOR: Anika sleeplessdreamer42@hotmail.com
RATING: PG-13 up to R
CATEGORY: Kerry Weaver
TIMELINE: In the past
SUMMARY: Just how did get Kerry get her limb and why did she want to become a doctor?
NOTES: I was watching 'Tribes' and Kerry really cared for this handicapped guy who refused her help and so I thought it deserved a fic. Here it is! I hope it is any good, please review afterwards!
With a loud thud, Kerry shut her locker. As fast as she could, she humbled out of the hospital. She was tired, angry and sad. Sure, it had been just a patient, someone she didn't know, someone she would never get to see again but the way he had been, the way he had given himself up… that was Kerry herself, only years and years ago. The memory made her hurry even more. As if she could run away from it, if she only walked fast enough.
Arriving home, Kerry poured herself some water and sat on her couch. Tiredness swapped over her. Unwillingly, her eyes closed. She dreamt of the past… the good and the bad:
A 15-year old Kerry Weaver leaves home, telling her mother and father goodbye. She grabs her bike and rushes to school. She loves to ride it like crazy, loves the wind through her long red hair. One day, she will have a motorbike. She will drive it with her husband. She'll only give it up when her babies are born. Yes, that's how she dreams it.
Kerry arrives at school in no time. She is hardly out of breath. She is used to doing sports, she loves it. From afar, Kerry sees her friend Carla. She is waving her over, so she runs to her. Kerry has too much brain to be popular, but she is too sporty and too nice to be hated. She has a fine amount of friends, she has some boys looking after her. Kerry seems to have everything.
There is this boy; Asthon. He has too much brain to socialize but he is enough of a boy to have feelings for a little redheaded from his biology class. He writes her little notes, he buys her little presents, he does everything for her. But she doesn't appreciate it. She tells him she isn't interested in a relationship only to tell Robby the exact opposite. Asthon is angry. He is very angry. He watches TV to lose the image of Kerry but he only gains new information.
It's a low summer night, Kerry is going home. She and Robby had their first date. She is wearing a big smile. She likes Robby. Kerry would never admit it, but Robby is the one she pictures to be the father of her unborn children. Everything is quiet around her. No people, no cars, nothing at all. Kerry hears the rustle of the trees, of the bushes and suddenly she stares into a pair of piercing blue eyes. Full of sadness, full of anger, full of desperation. The silence is broken; one shot, another, and another. One is dead, one wishes they were…
Kerry woke with a start. She was panting. Why were these memories still so vivid after all those years? Kerry took a sip from her water. She longed for something else, for something that could make her forget the pain she was still feeling. She wished for salvation. Getting up, she felt the years of pain in her bones, the tiredness of sleepless nights. Kerry decided to take a shower. Picking up her crutch, she humbled into the bathroom. The bathtub was way more tempting, she decided to take a bath instead. But tiredness would not leave her alone. Kerry gave in and closed her eyes…
Waking up, staring into pairs of questioning eyes, feeling pain all over the body. Kerry doesn't know what to do. She can't speak, she can't move, she is helpless.
"You can't speak, you have a tube in your throat." One of the pair of eyes tells her. It's a doctor.
"Asthon is dead, Kerry. We know what happened…" her mother is crying. " They found his diaries… oh, Kerry, I am so glad you are still alive." Kerry wants to hug her mother but instead her father does it for her.
"You need to rest. Tomorrow we'll take the tube out. Now sleep." The doctor tells her. Everybody leaves. Kerry is alone. She is in pain. Not only physically but mentally. She knows nothing will ever be the same.
She is home four weeks later. She has a crutch for her leg that looks so weird. No one has told her yet but she knew she'll have to live with it the way it is. She feels the pain every time someone rides a bike, or someone just runs somewhere. She feels it every time the others stare at her in school. Every time someone tells her how sorry they are. Every time. Kerry isn't the same anymore. She doesn't want anymore. She doesn't care for school, she doesn't care for her friends, she doesn't even care for herself. Her parents are helpless. Kerry has no fun anymore. She stays home. From time to time, she reads a book. Sometimes she watches TV. Sometimes she just stares outside. Usually, she pops pills into her body so she doesn't feel it. So she doesn't feel the stares, she doesn't feel the pity everybody gives her, she doesn't feel the pain.
After 7 months, Kerry leaves the house. No one knows. She hopes no one will see her. It's late already. She has come to like the night. No one sees her handicapped leg, no one sees her therefore no one pities her. But there's a reason she had to leave, she needs something. She needs medication. She is sure she will get it, if she only pushes it far enough. She looks horrible. Her hair looks horrible, her clothes are dirty. She doesn't care.
Kerry likes the hospital. Everybody has a problem there, not only her. She feels safe. The doctor comes to talk with her. He's black, he's tall. Kerry doesn't feel fear, only longing for a pill to kill the always remaining pain. The doctor knows it. He knows she doesn't have pain - not the pain she is telling. He knows she needs something else that pills, she needs some much more. She doesn't want his help. Kerry knows what she is doing. Yes, she does. She leaves again.
Stealing pills from pharmacies, stealing money from her parents that is Kerry's life now. She starts to hate it. She starts to hate herself. She starts to feel something again. She doesn't know how to stop. The doctor comes to mind. Kerry is too desperate to not try again. This time she gives in… this time she knows he might be right.
Kerry opened her eyes again. The water had turned cold. She felt cold. She lifted herself up and wrapped herself into a bathrobe. She felt better. She knew the accident, the addiction and her recovery belonged to her, that it was an important part of her but she hated to think about it. Without Dr.Bastel she would have never done it. It was owing to him that she was here today, that she was fine, that she was doctor herself. Kerry missed him. He had died only four years ago. When she had found out, she had almost taken a pill but looking at a picture of him, she couldn't. She owed that to him, to stay clean.
Kerry was friends with his son. She had lived with him on a farm in Africa. From time to time, she received letters from him which she answered in long letters herself. She had friends - again. Everything had gone right - in her life. There were still people like her who didn't take the help they were offered. Kerry had found out that day. It hurt her. It hurt her as if it was her who was refused help. She couldn't change it. She knew her colleagues thought of her as 'mean', and 'annoying' but deep in her heart she was still the Kerry she was when she was 15. Only now she was grown-up and handicapped. She did not have her children, she did not have her motorbike and husband but that was ok - now. Life had given her an opportunity. She could help people.
Kerry smiled. She remembered Dr.Bastel. She was glad he had helped her back then. She knew it hadn't been easy for him but they had done it. Kerry proudly picked up her crutch and humbled over to her bed. She lay down and closed her eyes. Before she fell asleep, she remembered the handicapped man from earlier. Maybe he'd come back. Maybe he'd let her help him then. Maybe… she fell asleep. She did not dream anything bad.
END
This was weird. I know that but I thought I might post it anyway… so please tell me what you think!
Written by Anika sleeplessdreamer42